Work Text:
He had been here before. The stars danced in the surrounding waves that painted him purple and black. Some blue was splashed on him, but it was the black that filled his lungs. He was floating, still. A tree out in the distance. A house that had logs pulled away from it. It was about to fall apart. Any moment now.
Cole looked up, trying to hold his breath for as long as he could. His feet could barely reach the ground. His hands swayed with the waves. He squeezed his eyes shut, begging to have a different ending. Please, please just swim. He knew how to kick. He knew how to move his arms, but he never learned properly how to swim. How to do much of ANYTHING that a child should know. He couldn't ride a bike, he couldn't tie a knot, he didn't feel the good effects of treating others the way you want to be treated.
His eyes stung. He put his hands to them, as if that would do anything. As if it would stop his lungs from feeling like they were about to burst. He felt lightheaded. He wanted to go home. Please. Please. Just go hom-
Something bumped into him.
All of a sudden, his eyes shot open, and they landed on a familiar sight. The Everfrost staff. His pride and joy. One of the few limiteds he actually had. One of the things that he had spent DAYS on obtaining. Immediately, Cole reached out and grasped it. He took in a big gulp of AIR. He could finally breathe again. He felt fear wash over him, and he quickly looked around. He put up a wall and sat down against it. The staff stayed close to his chest, never being allowed to move away from him.
The ocean froze around him, and a pocket of air formed. The sand was cool against his jeans. Against his hand. Against the entire world. He could finally breathe. He coughed up a bit of phlegm, but no water came up. A real, deep breath. In for five. Hold for two. Out for five. In for five. Hold for two. Out for five. In for five... five. Five. Five. Five five five five five five-
Out of the blue, pink overshadowed him. The ocean was gone. The ice was gone. A single tree stood before him. A mighty weeping willow. That was Kenneth's favorite kind of tree. It was pink for some reason. The vines moved with caution along the faint breeze. The air smelled of strawberries. His favorite fruit. Suddenly, Cole was on his knees. Staff on his lap. He doubled over and raised his shoulders. Hunching as purple streamed from his eyes. Black specks within it. His heart felt like it had stopped, but it was still beating all the same when he pushed his hand against his chest. Over his left breast with a sigh of relief.
"I'm sorry," Cole whispered with a whine. "I'm so sorry that I became this..."
He clutched the staff tighter. It hummed in his hand. He sniffled and took in the cold embrace that he was given.
A single chime sounded out in the distance.
Cole looked to his right and saw something. Something new. He quickly stood back up and wiped his tears away with his sleeve. His hair had grown out just a little bit more. He erred on the side of caution with his approach. The pink vines tickled him as he walked away, and he looked back at the tree. All the pink was on the ground. The tree was dead. Frost was among the branches despite how sunny it was outside.
"...I have to go," Cole assured himself and turned away. He kept on walking towards the pile of items in the distance. He surveyed the pile. Various popular items such as face masks, bracelets, clothing, headbands, and- his crown. He quickly picked it up and put it on his head. The staff hummed again. A bit more noticeable this time. He glanced down at it, taking note of how it looked. His pride and joy. He smiled.
The pile stared up at him, but he ignored it. None of that stuff was really his anyway. He wasn't into that kind of stuff. Never really one for headbands or jewelry. At least, not the kind that was there. He had SOME taste. Never really one for the masses.
Things just got colder and colder as he resumed his brisk pace. The grass was dead. Weeping below him. He barely caught himself on the edge of a creek. Green eyes looked over the water's steady stream further into the forest.
"Beautiful, ain't she?" That voice.
Cole instantly spun around and looked up a couple inches. His eyes widened, and he leaned back instead of forward like his heart desired. He was so... blue. So blue. Damp. Twigs in his hair. Skin pale. He was bony. "K...Ken..?" Cole wondered out loud.
"If that's what you want to believe, then yes. Yes I am," the person responded.
"This is all just a dream," Cole reminded himself and clung to the staff, "you aren't really here."
"Sure I am. In your head I am. You never really let me out of there." Kenneth put his hands in his pockets and crossed one foot behind the other. He glanced around the area and raised his eyebrows. "Nature has to be forgiven you know. She did nothing wrong. You included. Really, what is right or wrong?" Kenneth tilted his head at a 90-degree angle. Cole stepped back. "That seafloor can only hold you down for long, you know."
Cole said nothing. He merely crossed his arms and looked down.
"Life is meaningless, Cole." Kenneth sighed before speaking again, "I made my own meaning, though. You will never find happiness if you search for the meaning of life. You have to make it. I wish I understood that philosophy sooner. I could have told you. We wouldn't be here right now."
Cole whimpered.
"That isn't really my fault now, is it? It ain't your fault either, Berry." Kenneth reached out and ruffled Cole's hair. "Please understand that. Are you the reason I died? Or were you the meaning of life that I made?"
Black fell on to Cole's shoes.
"I did that of my own volition." Kenneth grasped Cole's arm and turned him back around to look at the creek. It was running with a cacophony of colors. Glossolalia sounded out, spouting words that Cole could not quite understand.
"...Why..?" Cole mumbled and sniffled again. "Why did you do it...?"
"I saved you for a reason, Cole. I saved you because you mattered. I thought I was going to be able to get out. I wanted us both to live and work through your issues together. I never knew you hated yourself so much when you were so little." Kenneth had both of his hands on Cole's shoulders. The survivor shook in his grasp. "...I really wish I had known. I could have helped you. I had the money. I was going to drop out of college anyways. I didn't want anything past my associates. I could have helped you."
"...I don't understand why I mattered so much to you..." Cole squeezed his eyes shut and dropped the staff. It froze the creek over. It had begun to creep out of the barrier of the surrounding dirt and rocks. "I'm just-... I'm just Cole."
Kenneth did not answer at first. He let go of Cole and walked around to stand between him and the ice. He stared down. Boring into his soul. "...You mattered to me the moment I saw you in that hospital room. You were so tiny. So fragile. And one of the first things you did was reach out to me and calm down. I knew then that I had to protect you."
Cole struggled to get his breathing back under control. "I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry..."
"I know you are, but you can't change the past. You can only look forward, right? For all you know, maybe I asked for an angel to watch over you. Or two. Maybe one in this hellish place you find yourself in now."
"This is all a dream. You aren't actually saying this to me."
"That part doesn't matter. The impact of these words mean way more than the fact that I'm... not really there. I can't be there. You know that logically. You always were more focused on logic. You always favored Donatello. You always preferred Sheldon and Leonard. You always preferred Boromir and his affinity for logic. His need to protect and feel pure. You always did. I saw it all. Please. Live.. like I want you to." Kenneth's voice faded as he spoke.
Cole awoke in bed with tears in the corners of his eyes. He was in a somewhat comfy bed. Alone. A bed that was not his nor Caleb's. He vaguely recalled the details that led up to this point. He Soldier (or rather Yevlogiy) decided to pay him a visit. It was perfect timing since it was while he was upset. They talked through things. Cole fell asleep not long after Caleb showed back up at the cabin.
The world was the same set of color as it always was. No blue or purple or black tints falling over each and every mantle. It was brown. Red. Yellow. Green. Clear. He could hardly believe it. Perhaps he never really noticed it.
The deep breath came a lot easier than it did yesterday.