Chapter Text
Neptune could deal with a lot.
He dealt with his orbit, for one. He handled the darkness and the stabbing cold, he took the isolation and insanity and made it his own. He rewired his brain, and remembered what mattered most.
Triton, Nereid, Proteus, Larissa, Despina, Galatea-
Uranus.
He handled all the insults and judgement he received the second he set foot into the solar system. He knew a lot of celestials thought he was weird, or wrong, or other words that were bad. He took all the judgement and let it roll of his body, because none of it mattered.
He'd had Uranus.
He handled the blame of the deaths of his moons and swallowed the secret to his largest baby could live happily and in ignorance, as he deserved. He let his moon vent out all his frustrations and took the blame, happily, because he loved his babies and he loved his family.
Just like how he loved Uranus.
Oh stars, Uranus.
"Ugh, you dimwit!"
"I don't think we're friends anymore, Neptune."
Neptune hadn't known it was possible to cry so much.
The ice giant's tears were quiet, so quiet as to not disturb his sixteen precious angels sleeping all around them. His shoulders hitched, his hands pressed so firmly against his dry mouth as to not make a sound. His heart hurt, it hurt so much, it was agony and torture and-
Every time he managed to stop crying, one look back, a flutter of gravity, or literally anything was enough to make him start all over again.
Why couldn't he stop?
A distressed churr managed to slip past his lips, high and needy and begging for the one he was crying for to make it better again. The ice giant hit his head with both fists to snap himself out of it, but to no avail. Another frustrated growl followed, lower this time. But it didn't take long for it to melt back into the babyish cries from before.
Uranus had hurt him.
Uranus had left him for Planet X with no hesitation, insulted him behind his back, refused to understand where Neptune was coming from when he'd tried talking, so many times. He'd chosen... stars, he'd chosen to not listen to Neptune even when the smaller got on his knees and begged to talk to make it better. He'd... left.
Oh stars, Uranus had left.
A particular beat of his core made his entire body tense painfully, wave after agonizing wave of pain disorienting his thoughts. The ice giant hit his head again, and again, and again and-
And all Neptune wanted to do was to beg for forgiveness.
He wanted to go back, ignore everything Uranus had said and done, apologize and go back to the way everything was before. Where he had Uranus, and Uranus had him. Where he could have his cousin, his other half, and hold him and kiss his face and never ever let go again.
...But Neptune had reached out.
The ice giant sniffled, uselessly wiping away the tears of his face that got replaced the moment he did. His face felt sticky and swollen, much to his displeasure. He would... he should wash it. Fix himself, before his moons woke up.
He had to stop crying for that first.
...Stop crying about Uranus first.
His head pulsed painfully. More wetness dripped down his cheeks. The planet swallowed down another childish churr. As if he'd swallowed knives.
Neptune had reached out, alright. When they met Planet X, multiple times when the moons were battling the planet too. Stars, even while he'd been searching for Proteus and after that, again and again and again and again.
He could reach out as many times as he wanted. But if Uranus wouldn't take his hand, then what else could Neptune possibly do?
His headache roared, beating in time with his fluttering core and the dizziness. His chest felt tight, so tight- oh. He was holding his breath. Okay, okay, breathe gently, breathe-
Neptune heaved out a gasp for air.
His hands came back to clamp down on his mouth.
Was it so bad that he wanted Uranus to reach out, for once? For his beloved other half to choose to return to him with gentle reassurances and loving words, to hold him as he cried and apologize for ever having hurt him at all. To acknowledge he'd hurt the smaller, all on his own. And to promise to never do it again. And then they could be a family and have each other forever.
Because they didn't have each other. Not anymore.
That confusing thought, wrong and painful in the worst way imaginable, made him start bawling his eyes out all over again.