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Joy’s apartment is different than Emma thought it would be. Not in size; she hadn’t expected much. She’s a med student, after all. But it’s not as clean and composed as she would have guessed. The shoes by the door aren’t perfectly aligned, there’s empty cups sitting on the table beside the couch. It’s lived in, has character.
More importantly, she’s looking at Joy. Joy is sitting on the loveseat, legs tucked up under herself. She’s in a PTMC t-shirt, the one they give students accepted into their programs. She looks soft— softer than Emma has really seen her before. It’s reassuring, in a way. Joy, who is typically so calm and composed, is now matching Emma’s vulnerability in the form of clothing.
“Are you paying attention?”
Joy’s voice cuts through Emma’s thoughts. Emma flushes, embarrassed from being caught. She looks away, as if that can force the heat from her face.
“I— um. Yes?” Emma lies. Joy squints, suspicious. She grabs the remote from the table, and pauses the movie.
“What just happened, then?” She asks, leaning back, arms crossing. Emma’s eyes widen a little, shocked by the forwardness.
“She…is in love.”
“She made a bad decision.” Joy counters, looking back to the screen.
“Sometimes love makes you do that, I think.” Emma looks down at her hands, voice trailing off. She picks at her pointer nail. She can feel Joy’s eyes on her, and hates the way it knocks the wind out of her. Joy has this strange ability to pin Emma in place with just a look, no physical force required.
“Are you making a bad decision?” Joy asks quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. Emma looks at her.
“…Coming here?” She asks. She knows what Joy means, just wants to hear it.
“Maybe.” Joy shrugs. Emma’s mouth goes dry, a nervous laugh escaping.
“Maybe.” She agrees. Her eyes finally meet Joy’s. She looks a little older without her glasses, eyes no longer magnified by the strength of the lens.
A beat passes. A growth of confidence.
Joy reaches out first, her hand pausing just an inch away from Emma’s face. A chance to back out, to move away. Emma doesn’t move. Instead, she nods. Joy’s hand settles against her jaw, thumb beginning to slowly stroke her cheek. Joy tilts her head.
“You can say no.” She comments. Emma shakes her head.
She does not want to say no. Absolutely not. The way Joy says it is so simple, so normal. Like it wouldn’t be a problem, that she would be content to finish the movie and get takeout if Emma said the word. Emma thinks, briefly, to Michigan. To her boyfriend.
Right.
Her boyfriend.
“I don’t want to say no.” Emma says quickly, cutting her own thoughts before they can spiral.
“Okay then.” Joy says. Final, like a decision made, easy as that. Joy leans forward, her hand on Emma’s jaw gripping just a bit tighter. Her lips meet Emma’s, soft, unhurried.
Emma has been kissed enough times to know what kissing feels like, on a surface level. She knows what trying too hard to suck someone’s face off feels like. This is not that. Joy's lips are soft. She’s not rushing. Her lips are exploring, opening with hesitation against Emma’s. A small sound leaves Emma’s lips, barely a whimper, and Joy’s hand slides down to the back of her neck. Not to pull, but to steady. By the fourth kiss, Emma has begun her own shifts. Her hands reach to Joy’s shoulders, rubbing up to wrap around her neck and pull her closer.
Joy’s mouth opens against Emma’s, and she follows on instinct. Nervous and excited at the same time, and Joy makes a sound in response to the eagerness. It makes Emma melt, suddenly completely pliant against soft hands. She inches closer again, pulling herself practically into Joy’s lap.
Emma has wanted before, in some ways. She has felt attraction, appreciated beauty, and had fantasies that stayed in the comfort of her own head. But this, being close with Joy, kissing on a couch that is not the most comfortable, with a refrigerator that is way too loud across the room, is better than any of the fantasies could have ever felt.
Joy’s hand moves off her neck, finding her waist instead. With a shaky inhale, Emma breaks the kiss. Joy doesn’t chase after her, but doesn’t leave either.
“You ok?” Joy asks. Emma nods.
“Yeah. Yeah, I just—“ She stops, unsure of how to finish the sentence. Joy watches her for a second longer, mouth shifting into a smirk.
“You look stressed.” She says, hand beginning to rub absently at Emma’s hip. Emma laughs.
“Because I am stressed.”
Joy leans back a little. “About kissing me?” She asks.
“No.” Emma hesitates. “Yes. But not— not like, in a bad way. I promise. It’s just that I—“
“We don’t have to do anything more.” Joy interrupts. “We can just sit here and kiss. Or we can finish the movie and order takeout.” For the first time, Emma hears an edge to her voice, not quite panic but definitely making its way there.
“That sounds kind of nice, actually,” Emma laughs softly, nervous. “But no, I want to keep going. It’s just…there’s something you should know.”
Joy's attention sharpens. “Okay.”
“I’m not really…” Emma trails off, looking away. She takes a deep breath, then glances back at Joy. Joy's attention is very clearly on her, not enough to be pushy, enough to show she actively cares. Emma swallows.
“I’m a virgin.”
The word sits between them. Emma can feel the heat in her own face, blooming in her chest and spreading up. The urge to make a joke comes, but she pushes it down. Joy blinks, then shrugs.
“Virginity is a social construct.” Joy's voice is flat. Her face remains unchanged. She is completely serious.
“Ok, well—“ Emma sighs, searching for the right words. “I went to an all girls catholic high school, which I know some people think is like, automatic lesbian pipeline but— not for me, I guess. It didn’t make it normal. It especially didn’t make sex normal.” Emma tries to explain. Again, Joy shrugs.
“No one is normal about sex.” She says softly. Emma looks away.
“You seem like you are.”
Joy’s mouth twitches. “You haven’t even been in my bedroom yet. I am absolutely not normal about sex.”
Emma’s eyes widen. Sensing the panic, Joy holds her hands up.
“Not that you have to like, do any of that with me today. Or ever, if you don’t want to.” She clarifies. Emma nods.
“Right.” She exhales, shaky. “I just…I wanted to tell you because I didn’t want you to think I was like…slow…because I’m behind.”
“You’re not behind,” Joy interrupts. Emma rubs her hands together. “You don’t owe me, like, a timeline. It’s fine, Emma.”
“I know! I just thought the explanation might…help, I guess. In case I did something embarrassing.” That gets a laugh from Joy.
“Were you planning on doing something embarrassing?” Joy asks, her hands returning to Emma’s hips. Emma’s mouth opens, then closes. She looks away. Joy's hand reaches up to her jaw, “No,” and she turns her head back to face her. “Don’t hide from me.” Emma flushes.
“Do you want me to keep kissing you?” Joy asks, voice soft. Shyly, Emma nods. “Use your words.” Joy corrects. Emma’s face heats further.
“Yes…please.”
Joy leans again, taking Emma’s lips with her own. It’s less gentle this time, the hesitation gone. The space between them is gone, Emma is fully in Joy’s lap, hips flush, shoulders bumping with every move. Emma pushed forward a bit, meeting Joy’s passion. A soft sound comes out of Joy.
A small sound, barely even a whimper, but enough to reignite the already burning heat inside of Emma. On instinct, her lips part, allowing Joy’s tongue to slip in.
Emma has been kissed before. By boys in parked cars and on her porch and that one time outside her dorm room freshman year. They always felt like they had an end goal, a point they were working to. That maybe had she just relaxed and stopped thinking, it would’ve happened. Kissing Joy does not feel like that. It feels like a dance, that Joy is right there with her every step. That it’s not one of them kissing the other, instead a mutual moment.
Joy gets needy quickly. What begin as small kitten licks into Emma’s mouth turns into forceful motions. Her hands cannot stay still, they’re on Emma’s hips, then her waist, her thighs, her neck. Emma’s hands shake as she lifts them to Joy’s face, resting them gently on her cheeks. Joy pulls away, panting.
“Fuck.” She laughs. Emma laughs in return, resting her forehead against Joy’s. “Bedroom?” Joy asks. Emma hesitates for a second, breathing deep. Then she nods. She slides slowly off of Joy’s lap, sinking into the couch for a moment. She thinks, briefly, to being in high school. To finding her friends pretty, surely a normal amount. To the first time she saw two girls kiss in college. To that time she went into a bathroom on her 21st birthday and there were two feet under the stall.
She smirks, and stands, following Joy into her room.
It’s cute, like her living room. Her sheets are gray, pillows white, a marbled design on her comforter. The bed is messy. There’s a desk next to the bed, a gaming PC sitting on top of it, rainbow lights spinning around. Headphones sit on top of it, little cat ears peeking off of the top of them. Emma smiles at that.
“You game?” She asks, hand brushing the navy chair.
“Not important.” Joy grabs Emma by the collar of her shirt, pulling her forward to meet her lips. Emma kisses back, her hands more confidently wrapping around Joy’s shoulders, holding on as Joy turns them. Joy walks them backwards, until Emma’s body is being pushed down, landing against the soft mattress. Joy pulls away, and takes a step back. She mumbles to herself, something Emma can’t hear, and reaches for the hem of her shirt. She pulls it up and off, leaving herself standing shirtless, flushed and panting at the foot of the bed. Emma holds her gaze for a second longer, then allows it to drift down.
Joy is hot. She knew that. She had seen the ink peeking out from the t-shirt earlier, but didn’t expect it to cover as much as it does. A knife on her tricep, flowers on her right ribs, a tiger on the left. Designs and lines flow across her collarbones and shoulders. Joy shifts, and the light catches just so, and Emma finally has enough courage to look at her breasts. They are pierced. Silver gleams through small nipples, tight and close to her skin. Emma swallows.
“Oh…” Emma whines, rubbing her thighs together. Joy tilts her head.
“What baby?” Joy asks, leaning down again. Her hands bracket Emma’s hips, and she crawls on top of her. “What’s happening in that pretty head?” She presses her lips to Emma’s jaw. Emma gasps at the feeling. She’s never been kissed there before. Joy’s soft lips send a jolt down her chest, directly resulting in a pulse at her clit.
“Mmm,” Emma whines again, tilting her head to the side, giving Joy access. She smirks.
“Yeah? You liked that?” She giggles— giggles. Joy Kwon giggling over kissing her neck. Emma begins her own giggle, but is cut off by Joy’s opened mouth kisses to her jawline. Her kisses trail up, soft, strawberry scented skin, until they reach Emma’s ears. Joy hesitates for a second, and Emma is about to speak up, but before she can, Joy’s tongue darts out, licking the shell of her ear. Emma gasps, which dies into a moan. Holy shit. She thought the neck was good. She feels the lick everywhere— her cunt, her nipples, her hands shake with pleasure. Her hips buck up, only to be pressed down by Joy’s weight.
“J-Joy,” Emma whimpers. Joy’s tongue pauses, moves between her teeth with a smile.
“Yeah?” She asks, her voice so, so close to Emma’s ear, hot breath hitting the wet spots. Emma pushes her head back to that warmth. Joy laughs, “you like that baby?”
“So…so much,” and for the first time, when Joy’s tongue hits her again, she moans. A sound she’s not entirely sure she has made before. Emma’s never gotten off before, never felt this on edge, high on nothing but Joy’s hands and mouth. As she licks, Joy moves her hands underneath Emma’s shirt, feeling the warm, flushed skin there. She sits up, fully in her lap, looking down at Emma.
“Ok, before we get like, too into it—“
“Is this not too into it already?” Emma interrupts. She feels pretty deep into it already. Joy shakes her head.
“We are,” she leans down and kisses Emma’s stomach where it peeks out beneath her shirt. “But, I just want to know your limits. Like, do you want just my fingers and mouth, or do you want me to strap you?” She sits back, scanning Emma’s rapidly flushing face. Emma looks at her for a minute, weighing her options.
She definitely wants Joy’s fingers. That’s not up for debate. She’s seen them carefully stitch patients closed, seen them forcefully staple. She’s watched Joy type charts into the computer with a focus that would have concerned Dana if she realized what was happening. She just needs…warmed up. Before she decides on anything else.
“How about…for uh, this…round. Just fingers? Maybe mouth?” Emma says softly, shyly. Joy's face lights up like a kid on Christmas.
“This round?” Joy leans back down, resting her chin on Emma’s stomach, looking like a dog about to wag its tail. Her smile is big, all teeth. She licks her lips, and moves her hands back underneath Emma’s shirt. Emma lifts her torso up, raises her hands, allowing Joy to pull the shirt up and off. Joy pauses.
“Of course.” She mutters, reaching to the center of Emma’s bra, fingers lightly brushing the pale pink bow. Emma giggles, wiggling underneath Joy’s careful touch. Joy reaches down to the hem of Emma’s leggings, pulling it up. The same bow sits on the underwear. Joy giggles. “You’re adorable.”
Emma looks away. Joy’s compliments just make her feel so shy. Not because she doesn’t believe her, but because she does. Joy is instilling her with a confidence about her appearance that she didn’t know she was capable of. Joy pulls the leggings down the rest of the way, tossing them down onto the floor with Emma’s shirt. Emma opens her legs just a little, not with full confidence. Joy’s smile grows when she looks down.
“Look at you.” She purrs. Emma tries to close her legs, but Joy’s hand forces them back open. In the center of her, pale pink is stained dark, soaked entirely through. Joy’s finger brushes over the fabric, and both women let out a soft moan. Joy leans her head down and places a kiss to Emma’s thigh, then the other, then hovers her head over the wet spot. She breathes in, her eyes shutting as the scent hits.
She places a kiss on Emma's clit, barely even a brush. Emma whimpers at the feeling. It’s a very, very strong feeling. Every nerve ending in her body lights up, her legs jolting. Joy giggles at the kick. She reaches up again, hooking her fingers into the waistband.
“Can I?” She asks, voice barely above a whisper. Emma nods, eager and quick. Joy’s tongue is between her teeth as she pulls them down, a big smile bitten back. Once they join the leggings and shirt, she sits up. Emma watches with excitement humming through her body, giggling as Joy makes a dramatic motion of stretching her arms out, joints popping with each motion. Emma’s eyes flutter shut as Joy leans down. The vision would be too much, she thinks.
The first contact of Joy’s hand against her thigh makes Emma jump. Not from fear, from anticipation. Her hands are soft as they push her open further. Emma tries to relax her legs, her whole body, but jolts again as Joy’s breath puffs against her cunt. She whimpers as Joy’s tongue makes contact, licking up her slit, flicking her clit. The feeling makes her giggle, legs closing around Joy’s head. She can feel Joy’s smile against her, the way she struggles to keep her tongue moving through the chuckle. Emma’s giggle turns quickly into a whine as Joy’s lips wrap around her clit.
“Oh!” Emma gasps, hips arching up as Joy sucks lightly. Joy’s hand pushes her hips down, holding her in place as she licks. Her free hand joins her tongue, fingers spreading Emma open, pushing back soft curls and puffed skin. Joy’s attention moves down, her tongue pressing inside Emma. Above her, Emma grips at the sheets, breaths coming out in soft huffs and whines.
It feels a little weird. Not bad, just not something Emma has felt before. It feels hot and overwhelming and so, so good. She can feel it in her fingertips, her toes, her chest flushing. She feels so warm, and her stomach feels like it's squeezing. Not with pain, instead like the pulling back of a rubber band, waiting to snap and release. Joy hits a particularly sensitive spot with her tongue, and Emma’s hand shoots into her hair.
“So…good…” Emma hums, grinding up onto Joy’s face. Joy takes her face off just an inch to say:
“You’re a natural, baby.”
Emma looks away, blushing again. Joy doesn’t mind this time, just dives back in. Emma finds her courage, finally bringing herself to look down at Joy.
Joy is looking right back up at her. Dark eyes meet her, a smile spreading onto Joy’s face. She wiggles her eyebrows once, then slowly pushes a finger inside of Emma. Emma cries out, hot pleasure shooting through her body. Her eyes roll back, a long whine falling out. When she looks back down at Joy, eyes fluttering, heart racing, Joy begins to move the finger. It pulls out, then pushes back in. Once back in, it curls, causing a yelp from Emma.
Joy takes that as permission. Sure that she’s not hurting her, her pace increases. She alternates between thrusting and curling at first, gauging Emma’s reactions to each, finding out what she likes. The curling of fingers brings whimpers, soft, pleading breaths that make Joy sure she’s soaking through her own pants. She adds another finger, curling tight, drawing a long, dirty moan from Emma. Music to Joy’s ears. She moves her mouth back down, tongue lapping eagerly at Emma’s clit, timed with the curling.
“J-Joy, I f— ah, feel, mmm, like I…ah!” Emma tries to speak, but Joy’s fingers feel so good, and her body feels so tight, so good, like she’s floating above the bed. Joy hums against her.
“Yeah?” She asks, taking just a short break from licking. “Are you gonna come on me? On my tongue? For the first time?” Joy’s voice is excited, louder than before. She’s egging Emma on, her voice laced with tease. Emma nods.
“I thin— mmh, I think, yes, yes, oh my God!” Emma’s hips lift. Joy keeps working, tongue lapping, fingers curling.
Emma feels the snap. She feels her cunt clench down onto Joy’s fingers, white hot pleasure shooting through every nerve in her body. She tenses, legs locking, toes curling, fingers gripping. Her eyes roll back, breath catching. She moans, trying to force herself to breathe through it. Joy’s tongue slows, working her down gently.
Slowly, the tingling relents, her body unclenches, yet still pulses on Joy’s fingers. Joy places one final kiss to her clit, which makes Emma’s legs twitch. They giggle together as Joy’s fingers pull out. Emma whimpers at the loss.
“That was…” Emma starts, pausing to catch her breath, staying paused as Joy sucks Emma off of her fingers. “Wow.”
“Yeah?” Joy giggles, laying down on the pillow beside Emma. She opens her arm, and shyly, Emma snuggles into her chest, careful to avoid her nipples. She’s still a little scared of the metal. “Good?”
“Very.” Emma pants, nuzzling into Joy’s collarbone. Joy’s hand comes up to her hair, stroking at her temple. For a while, they just lay together, both catching their breath, enjoying the afterglow. After a few minutes, Emma shifts.
She watches Joy for a moment. She sees the way she rolls her wrist, pants, licks her lips. When Joy finally stops fidgeting, Emma reaches over. Bravely, her hand lands directly on top of Joy’s shirt, right at her clit. Joy freezes.
“What are you doing?”
Emma looks up, doe eyed and pliant, eager to return the favor.
“Baby, I’m on Lexapro. If you try to do that, we’re going to be here for the next week.”