Chapter Text
Määnin comes home from his weekly therapy session exhausted. And Tommy can tell from the sofa by the way he shucks his jacket off slowly and lazily hangs it on the peg next to Tommy's. He kicks his boots off and nudges them with his toes to push them against the wall, out of the way.
In slow steps, he makes his way to the living room, where Tommy meets him in the kitchen, launching out of his seat when seeing the state of his fiancé. Immediately, Tommy wraps his arms around the shorter man, pulling him into a warm hug he knows Määnin needs but will not ask for.
Määnin is cold from the wind outside, the November air unforgiving, but Tommy only pulls him tighter. And only then does Määnin loop his arms around Tommy's back.
It'd been a hard few months starting therapy for Määnin. He had wanted Tommy to be able to come along, so he had someone there that he could cling onto when it got tough. But by Maxmo's rules, Määnin's request was denied, and Määnin would have to face opening up all alone. Tommy had to wait, agonisingly, for his lover to return home.
Määnin obviously hated it at first, the whole opening up and talking about his feelings act not really a part of his character as the toughest man in all of Vörå. He didn't feel he was suited for that sort of thing, it's for of Freppa's thing to talk about what he thinks, what he feels and how he ended up as an alcoholic fucking moron.
Tommy leans back, cupping both of määnin's cheeks to look directly in his eyes through the sunglasses Määnin insists on wearing. And who is Tommy to criticise the toughest man in the whole world.
"How was it?" Tommy asks.
Määnin shrugs, clearly not up for the whole talking act for a second round. He's just poured his fractured heart out to a stranger for two hours. And as much as he loves Tommy, he cannot bring himself to inform the singer of all his mistakes, because surely, it'll all be too much. Too much exertion for Määnin's shattered heart. And too much for Tommy to handle and look at him the same after knowing. It's not fair.
"I missed you, y'know?"
Tommy smiles, trying to lighten the mood as he presses his nose to Määnin's. He leans forward and kisses him, softly and briefly. Not too much too soon. Tommy knows his lover, even if Maanin struggles to tell him. Tommy pays attention. Tommy knows him. Tommy spent the majority of his life memorizing what the man wants, likes and needs. And it's definitely not time for that to stop, not when Määnin is still growing.
"Mhm. missed you too." Määnin mumbles quietly.
Tommy steps back, Määnin's arms slipping away from his back, and pulls his hoodie over his head, pushing the bundle of warm fabric into Määnin's chest.
"Put that on. You're fucking freezing."
Määnin doesn't say anything. He has nothing to say, really, but he feels he should. Now he thinks about it, he's been freezing since he sat down in that leather chair in that overly air conditioned room. Tommy made sure the heating was cranked up for when he came home.
Määnin is under the belief he does not deserve such a devoted, loving and passionate individual that is willing to call him his fiancé. He doesn't deserve someone so patient and understanding of his stupid mistakes. Tommy may be stupid and oblivious but he dived head first into Määnin's issues.
"I don't think you'll want your glasses right now. I'll clean them later on for you."
Tommy strokes his arm, kissing his stubbly cheek softly.
"We can cuddle if you want? Or we can order food. Anything you want, Määnin, just tell me."
Määnin takes a moment to think. He hasn't felt hungry, but that may be because he feels ill every time he opens his mouth to speak in that cold room. And he could really do with anything from Tommy right now. He needs anything that man gives him, he is Määnin's lifeline. The reason he wakes up in the morning and the man he falls asleep at night next to.
"Want you." Määnin mutters, thumbing at the sleeve of Tommy's hoodie.
Tommy nods, rubbing Määnin's back as they walk over to the sofa, some crime show on the TV on a low enough volume that clears Määnin's mind, allowing him to think properly.
People may assume that Määnin Mannerheim is a man that lives for loudness and music. And he does. Because Tommy is the only loud noise he lives for. Tommy is the exception to everything.
"How do you want me? Want me to lay on top of you or?"
Määnin gives a small nod and lays down on the brown leather sofa they picked up from the town over for 50€. It's comfy and soft with use. The pair have had a lot of use out of this sofa and moments on this sofa.
Tommy climbs on top of him, just sitting for a moment looking down at him. He reaches out and brushes a stray strand of dark brown hair from his forehead. He swipes his thumb over the scar running through his eyebrow. Määnin shivers and Tommy's thumb moves away.
"I'm proud of you, y'know? I love you and I'm proud of your progress. Three months sober is a crazy achievement, I hope you know."
Tommy keeps stroking at his hair, smiling as he stares into his eyes with affection. With love. Määnin does not deserve this.
He does not think that anyone should be proud of him. Tommy shouldn't be proud of him. Tommy shouldn't be here. Tommy should be with someone who doesn't fall into alcoholism like it's a normal thing for men his age to do.
No one should be proud of Määnin, no one has been proud of him. He's done dumb shit that could push someone to say they're proud, but now, nothing he does could warrant that. So what if a drunk doesn't touch a bottle? Good. It's expected. Määnin is not a special man. Tommy deserves more. More than a man that can barely get his words out after therapy.
"It's not."
"Yes it is. You're doing so well. You're making great progress. You from the beginning of this year wouldn't believe the man you have become. I am proud of you."
"Shut up."
"Be nice. I'm being nice to you, idiot." Tommy chuckles, poking his cheek.
He lays down on top of Määnin, head on his collarbone, arm wrapped around his back, the other stroking Määnin's side softly.
"I love you, Määnin."
"Love you."
Tommy kisses his neck once, nuzzling his nose into the junction between his shoulder and neck. Määnin scratches the back of Tommy's hair, which if Tommy could, he would purr. Or wag his tail. Tommy'd be a dog, loyal and obedient. Returning to the man who troubles him.
"Stop thinking so much. Just breathe. It's just me. No pressure. I'm here to stay. I'm yours."
"Stop it."
"Stop what ?"
"Being nice."
"No. You deserve to be treat well. I love you and I can't wait to marry you. You are the love of my life and I need you to know that nothing you say or do could make me think less of you."
Maanin huffs. Nothing can shake him off. Nothing makes him give up. He presses a kiss to Tommy's hair. It's small and little and unimportant but it's the only thing he can bring himself to do right now.
He closes his eyes.
Looking towards the future feels easier. No longer like looking into a black void. There's something there, blurry and fuzzy. But it's something. It's a start.
It involves Tommy, two gold bands and a life of peace. A fulfilling life of love.
Looking towards the bright future is something Määnin is working on. And he's only going to do it with Tommy by his side.