Chapter Text
There was a strange chiming noise.
Grumbling, Shen Yuan rolled over and blindly slapped his hand over his phone to silence the alarm. However, his hand was met not with a flat screen, but with more bed.
Eh?
If there was one thing a layabout NEET had muscle memory for, it was rolling over in bed and reaching for his phone on the nightstand. As such, it was unprecedented that Shen Yuan had failed in this task, even as groggy as he was. Confused, he cracked open his eyes to locate the wayward object.
And then he blue-screened.
The room he was in had zero similarities with his own bedroom. It was luxurious and elegant, with high ceilings and rich decorations, all in a mix of various historical styles. The bed, too, was unlike his simple modern one; wide and draped with the finest sheets, an assortment of cushions piled around him. There was even a rich, gauzy canopy above him, with finely crafted perfume pouches hanging from the corners!
Bewildered, Shen Yuan sat up—then immediately regretted it when he felt a sharp pain in his side. He hissed and looked down to find himself wearing a thin robe as sleepwear rather than his preferred t-shirt and boxers. The collar of the robe was loose enough that he could pull at it and peek below; there was a bandage across his side, confirming that he had some sort of injury. As he looked, strands of his own hair slipped past his shoulder and into the corner of his vision—black, silky, and long.
This could only mean one thing.
Did he really hit the jackpot?
That chiming noise was still happening, and Shen Yuan belatedly realized it was in his own head. As soon as he registered this, a screen popped up in front of his face and the chiming noise was replaced with a stilted, robotic voice.
【Welcome to the System. This System operates in line with the design concept “YOU CAN YOU UP, NO— NO— NO—】
The screen started glitching. Shen Yuan absentmindedly whacked the side of it like it was a CRT television, and it realigned.
【It—It is our sincere wish that during your time, you can fulfill your desires and, in accordance with your wish—】
【ERROR: Wish not found.】
【We hope you enjoy.】
Irritated, Shen Yuan whacked the screen again, but it simply winked out of existence. “Hey,” he said, “shouldn't you give me more information than that? Like where the hell I am? Who the hell I am?”
The screen popped back up, and the robotic voice spoke again.
【The System was successfully activated! Bound Role—】
【ERROR: Bound Role already filled.】
【ERROR: Duplicate user detected.】
【ERROR: Only one user detected.】
【Conflict unresolved; no further information available at this time. Currently, you are at the beginner level, and the OOC feature is frozen. You must complete a beginner-level quest to—】
【ERROR: OOC unlock quest already completed.】
【ERROR: No available method to unlock OOC feature.】
【 We apologize for the inconvenience. Please bear in mind that any act in violation of 「ERROR: Role information unavailable」 will result in a deduction of a fixed number of points. We hope you enjoy.】
With that, the screen winked out of view again.
What a shitty fucking System!
Shen Yuan yelled at it some more, but the System refused to return and answer his questions. How the hell was he supposed to avoid acting OOC if he had no idea who his character was? What sort of transmigration experience was this?! Zero stars!
He was just about to get up and start rooting through the room for clues when the door opened, and Shen Yuan’s breath stopped in his chest.
Standing in the doorway was the most beautiful man he had ever seen. Tall and broad-shouldered, with a mane of curls tied back in a simple low tail that somehow added to his aura rather than subtract from it. His complexion was as clear as jade, his eyes like two deep pools of cold starlight. He had the sort of face that could grace the cover of a romance novel and make it an instant best-seller!
But most importantly, there was a red sigil on the man’s forehead that Shen Yuan would recognize anywhere.
This…This person could only be Luo Binghe!
Did Shen Yuan transmigrate into Proud Immortal Demon Way?!
In Luo Binghe’s hands was a tray of delicious-smelling food. Said tray rattled when he caught sight of Shen Yuan, and then Luo Binghe—heavenly demon, unparalleled stallion protagonist, Emperor of the Three Realms—gave a wet gasp as his eyes filled with…tears?!
“Husband!” he cried.
Shen Yuan nearly spat blood.
Husband? Husband?!
Shen Yuan must have misheard, because there was no chance in hell that Luo Fucking Binghe was gay married!
Luo Fucking Binghe rushed to his side, setting the tray down on a nightstand before kneeling by the bed to fuss over Shen Yuan. “You’re awake! How do you feel? Does it still hurt?” He straightened the blanket over Shen Yuan’s lap and adjusted some pillows behind him for better back support, continuing to babble all the while. “Please forgive this useless husband! I really didn’t think the deer would stampede like that…”
He continued speaking, saying things that Shen Yuan should probably pay attention to. He was having trouble, though, given the fact that his brain had crashed and was refusing to reboot. The only word he could register from Luo Binghe’s mouth was husband, over and over, like some sort of curse.
Shen Yuan fought back the hysterical laugh that threatened to spill out. How was his luck so terrible that he transmigrated with not only a shitty broken System, but a shitty broken world to go along with it! What was this, some sort of crappy danmei fanfiction for Proud Immortal Demon Way, where the stallion protagonist had a harem of men instead of women? And what was with this weeping maiden act?!
Once Shen Yuan managed to recover from the sheer shock, he conceded that…things could have been worse. He could have transmigrated as a harem member of the original webnovel, thus having to deal with bearing a woman’s body. Or, even worse, he could have transmigrated into a man from the original webnovel. Half of those guys were villains, and the other half were cannon fodder. The odds of him transmigrating into a man who wasn’t fated to be crushed underfoot by the protagonist would have been extremely slim!
Even if this world’s genre had been changed into danmei, surely it held true that members of the protagonist’s harem were treated well, right? And once they were through with this whole situation—which had the stink of a wifeplot (husbandplot?) all over it—Luo Binghe would leave him be and turn his attention to acquiring his next wife (husband?). At that point, Shen Yuan could fade into obscurity within the harem and be free to do whatever he wanted.
When he thought about it like that…wasn’t this actually quite a good situation?
Of course, the downsides were not to be underestimated. Shen Yuan was as straight as an arrow, and had no idea how to pretend to be gay and in love with a man. Not to mention the fact that in the webnovel, wifeplots always concluded the same way: papapa with the protagonist! There was absolutely no way Shen Yuan’s ass would be able to take the might of the heavenly pillar!
Though…if this character was married to Luo Binghe…then wouldn’t that mean this body had already…?
He decided not to think on it further.
There was also the other, arguably most critical issue here: Shen Yuan had stolen the body of Luo Binghe’s wife husband. Forget the System’s vague threat about point loss—the idea of what the protagonist might do to him if he found out Shen Yuan wasn’t the original man he married was more than enough to scare him away from acting OOC!
If only he knew what was and what wasn’t OOC!
Shen Yuan came back to himself as he realized Luo Binghe was no longer speaking, and looked over to see him watching him with a concerned expression.
Fuck, don’t tell me I’m already failing!
“Ah, apologies…H-Husband.” Shen Yuan swallowed. “I’m…still a little out of it.”
Luo Binghe’s expression crumpled. “Even now, you’re still willing to call me Husband…” He sniffled, then shook himself off. “Here, you should eat and get your strength up.” He took the tray from the nightstand and set it in Shen Yuan’s lap, then removed the lid from the small stone pot with a flourish, revealing a steaming bowl of snowy-white congee.
Shen Yuan’s mouth watered, and he failed to restrain himself from taking the spoon and shoveling some into his mouth. His entire being froze as soon as it touched his tongue.
This…This is the power of the protagonist’s cooking!
No matter what happened, no matter how Shen Yuan fucked this up, he would always be grateful for the opportunity to taste this food straight from the heavens!
He was halfway through the bowl when he heard a wistful sigh. Luo Binghe was leaning his elbows on the bed, chin propped in his hand as he looked up at him with sparkling eyes that sent chills down Shen Yuan’s spine.
He paused. “Yes?”
Luo Binghe blinked and straightened. “Sorry, I just… I’m not at all pleased by the situation, of course, but just now I couldn’t help but think about the first time I made you this congee.” He looked up at Shen Yuan through his lashes. “Do you…remember?”
Shen Yuan broke out in a cold sweat. He was already being tested?! Clearing his throat, he turned his attention back to the food. “Of course. It was…just as delicious back then as it is now.”
“Husband is too generous,” Luo Binghe demurred. “My skills as a teen were sorely lacking.”
A teen?!
There were a scant few named characters that the protagonist had known since his teenage years. Don’t tell Shen Yuan he’d transmigrated into a genderbent Ning Yingying or Liu Mingyan. Or worse—a non-genderbent Ming Fan!
“When you stepped in to protect me back then, I was so shocked I couldn’t breathe…” Luo Binghe smiled with nostalgia. “And honored, of course, that I might have finally gained your favor. But then you were poisoned by Without a Cure and lay unconscious for days, and I fretted so much I could do nothing but remake the congee over and over again until you woke…”
Shen Yuan’s confusion continued to grow. The only wife he could recall being poisoned by Without a Cure was Qin Wanyue, but it had been out of clumsiness, not some desire to protect Luo Binghe. And it happened in the middle of the Immortal Alliance Conference, so of course Luo Binghe didn’t have the time to remake congee over and over!
This information gave Shen Yuan no further clues as to his identity.
Regardless, the thought of a young, white lotus Luo Binghe fretting at someone’s bedside and remaking congee every few hours while waiting for them to wake up…it inexplicably tugged at Shen Yuan’s heart. His hand moved on its own, and before his brain could catch up, it sank itself into the soft curls atop Luo Binghe’s head.
Luo Binghe blinked up at him with wide eyes. Shen Yuan froze.
Fuck! What the fuck was wrong with him! He couldn’t just pat the protagonist’s head! They were both grown men, for one, and a wife husband certainly shouldn’t be so familiar with Luo Binghe!
Just as he was about to try and choke out some apology, Luo Binghe pressed up into his hand like a satisfied cat, eyes squinting with happiness.
Along with it, the System popped back up again—even more glitchy than before.
【Protag-Protagonist Satisfaction-tion +50!】
So Luo Binghe…liked that?
Well…Well! It was dismaying, of course, to learn the once-great protagonist had been reduced to a coddled maiden in this world. But, well, as cool as the Bing-ge of the webnovel was, that sort of domineering, suave attitude would have been pretty difficult to deal with! As off-putting as it was, this softer, tamer Luo Binghe shouldn’t be too hard to handle, right?
Shen Yuan pulled his hand back and returned to his food, and Luo Binghe continued watching him from where he knelt on the floor. The thought of Saintly Ruler Luo kneeling on the hard floor and watching him eat congee became too much to bear, so he gave him a look. “There’s no need to stay on the floor like that.”
Luo Binghe brightened and scrambled up onto the bed without needing to be told twice. Shen Yuan had intended for him to get a chair, but he supposed that was on him for not being more specific! The warmth of the body next to him was distracting, especially since Luo Binghe apparently had no concept of personal space and snuggled close. He should have let him keep kneeling!
Once he was done eating, Luo Binghe took the tray and set it aside, then grasped Shen Yuan’s wrist to check his meridians. Along with the unfamiliar warmth of spiritual energy came the strange sensation of his blood shifting around in his body.
Fuck…don’t tell me I’ve got his blood parasites in me!
But of course he did. It was a rite of passage for every wife in the webnovel. Bing-ge needed to be able to keep track of his harem’s varying locations and health. Running away definitely wasn’t an option then...
Luo Binghe’s handsome face creased in a frown. “Your injury is healing properly, but…there seems to be another issue.”
Shen Yuan’s scalp prickled. Could Luo Binghe sense that there was a new soul in this body?
He sighed and released Shen Yuan’s wrist, looking up at him through his lashes with an expression reminiscent of a pouting dog. “This useless husband isn’t as well-versed in the medical arts as he should be, and is unable to identify it.”
Shen Yuan tried his best to hide his relief. “That’s all right. I’m sure it’s nothing serious.”
That was the wrong thing to say; Luo Binghe’s expression shifted. “Husband is always so willing to brush aside his own health. Tell me honestly, does your cultivation feel different?”
How the hell would Shen Yuan know! He just got here!
At his inability to respond, Luo Binghe grumbled, “Perhaps it would be best to get you checked professionally. Mu Qingfang should be able to make time.”
Mu Qingfang?
“Are you feeling well enough for a trip to Cang Qiong?”
Cang Qiong?!
Shen Yuan managed to stutter out some sort of assent, and Luo Binghe left the bed to fetch him some robes while he tried to puzzle out this new information.
Cang Qiong Mountain was still standing? But based on Luo Binghe’s stature and the opulence of this room, he had achieved emperor status. Were they perhaps in that span of time after he became emperor of the Demon Realm but before he razed Cang Qiong? But no, even then he wouldn’t have been so willing to travel there for a check-up for some random wi— husband.
Exactly how different was this world?!
They flew to Cang Qiong Mountain. Like, actually flew. On a sword. The sheer awesomeness of experiencing sword flight was almost enough to make up for Shen Yuan’s confusion over the fact that Luo Binghe had Zheng Yang and not Xin Mo, as well as the fact that Luo Binghe insisted on sharing Zheng Yang and holding him close.
Almost.
It was probably a good thing that Shen Yuan wasn’t expected to fly on his own with his injury, since that would risk exposing him as a transmigrator who didn’t actually know anything about cultivation. However, it also meant he hadn’t yet had an excuse to unsheathe his own sword and peek at its name for a clue. He grumbled in his mind about this while he tried to ignore the warmth of Luo Binghe’s arms around him.
The twelve peaks that made up Cang Qiong Mountain Sect were beautiful from above, reaching high into the clouds as Shen Yuan and Luo Binghe flew over them. The sect was very much still standing and not razed even a little bit. Perhaps the fanfiction he’d transmigrated into was not just danmei, but one of those ‘nothing bad happens’ AUs as well? Those weren’t really Shen Yuan’s preference, but transmigrating into one would indeed make for an easier experience than most alternatives.
They landed on what was presumably Qian Cao Peak, which bustled with organized chaos. Cultivators and disciples in neat, practical robes strode this way and that with purpose. Some paused to give them a respectful nod, but most were too focused to pay either of them any mind. Shen Yuan tapped his closed fan to his lips as he contemplated this; if none of these righteous cultivators even blinked at a heavenly demon in their midst, then Luo Binghe must show up here quite often.
Luo Binghe had given him the fan along with the flowing green robes he now wore, so Shen Yuan figured it was something his character used often. It was a nice fan, good for fidgeting without looking like he was fidgeting.
Luo Binghe caught a disciple and asked after Mu Qingfang’s whereabouts, and the disciple confirmed he was in his office. Luo Binghe led the way without another thought, and Shen Yuan trailed after him while trying not to look like a tourist as he observed Qian Cao Peak.
They entered Mu Qingfang’s office without knocking, which the peak lord himself didn’t appreciate, based on the annoyance on his face when he looked up from his work. His expression cleared at the sight of them, though, and he set down his brush. “Ah, Shen-shixiong, Luo-shizhi. Which one of you has been afflicted this time?”
Shen Yuan stopped in his tracks.
Did Mu Qingfang just call him shixiong? Shen-shixiong?
He didn’t mean…that Shen-shixiong, did he? No, that was absurd; there were any number of unnamed peak lords who could have had the bad luck of sharing a surname with the scum villain, right?
“Shizun suffered an injury,” Luo Binghe explained, and Shen Yuan’s head whipped around at the term of address. “There’s a lasting effect in his qi that this lord is unable to identify.”
Shizun?! Why was he Shizun all of a sudden? What the hell happened to husband, ah?!
Don’t tell Shen Yuan he… There was no way he could possibly be…
Eager to seal his fate, the System window popped up. It then glitched and disappeared, before popping back up with finality.
【Congratulations! Role information unlocked! Bound Role: Luo Binghe’s master and husband, Cang Qiong Mountain Sect’s Peak Lord of Qing Jing Peak, “Shen Qingqiu.” Weapon: the sword Xiu Ya.】
Shen Yuan collapsed onto a nearby couch.