Chapter Text
Trinity was the last person to get interested in someone. She avoided relationships like fire, or maybe more. However, sometimes feelings have a way to develop on their own. So, somehow she found herself drawn to the med student who rolled her eyes at Trinity since day one.
Victoria Javadi, a girl who was so easy to annoy that it brought genuine joy to Santos. She loved when Javadi struggled not to laugh at her jokes, or when she would tense up at her comments and ultimately drop whatever she was doing just to respond. Trinity wanted her attention, as much as she could get. She knew, outside of work, they wouldn’t hang out on their own. So, she collected these little moments and told herself they were enough.
Trinity was also active online. She found herself scrolling on her phone when she was in bed, too tired to do anything else.
It came in useful, knowing trends that could put people in serious danger.
She would also come across some funny videos to send to her roommate.
Sometimes she’d find some new queer artists she could listen to.
Obviously, as the algorithm legally stalked her, she often ended up seeing some medical content. She was usually so done after her shifts but she would occasionally leave a comment here or there. Something useful or an insult light enough not to lose her anonymous account.
Just like that, scrolling mindlessly, something actually interesting appeared. The account’s name was “Dr.J” and the girl on her screen looked suspiciously like.. exactly who she was. Victoria Javadi.
Trinity didn’t follow at first, she started by going through the whole profile. Medical tips, some makeup videos, story times.
Obviously, Javadi’s content would be about everything at once.
She didn’t have to brag about her many talents, she always found a way to show them instead. The makeup videos were nice, Trinity would be bored if not for the fact that Victoria looked absolutely gorgeous with her dark eyes and occasionally hair down.
Then, she went through the story times and found that there was an ongoing series, with exactly 42 parts, about some ‘annoying coworker’. Trinity snorted and she clicked on one of them. In the video Victoria was talking about the latest prank Trinity pulled on her, and the girl huffed.
“Come on, it was funny” she said to herself.
She went into the comments, some actually agreed with her.
Others called her the worst person alive, to which Dr.J answered with different visitations of “I’m the only one allowed to insult her”. Which Trinity found oddly endearing.
Victoria Javadi thought about her, talked about her, almost defended her. All this made her stomach tingle with something strange and unwanted.
The next day, she changed her name to
‘pussyeaterxcx’ and followed Dr.J.
No profile picture, no bio, no videos, there was no way Crash would know it was her.
She went about her day like usual, temporarily satisfied enough not to get distracted at work every time she passed by Javadi. When she got home again, she watched even more videos.
In her new favorite Victoria was showing off one of her outfits. Santos watched Vic in a shoulder free top and with locks framing her face.
Trinity felt like a loser getting so warm over a bare shoulder, but the way Javadi’s arms and collarbones looked as she started adjusting her hair was just majestic.
Santos was a goner. Obviously, she kept that knowledge to herself.
At first, she thought staring at Crash online would make it easier to hide her desires at work. Unfortunately, after a while it just made things worse as she found herself noticing more and more things.
‘She has that new lipstick she talked about’
‘Her hands look so good, wish she was wearing those rings she had on in yesterday’s stream’
It was just a matter of time she would be caught staring.
“Santos? Spacing out?” Victoria asked when she ultimately noticed how Trinity’s eyes glued to her.
Trinity didn’t know what was worse, admitting to checking her out or letting Javadi think she was the type to space out at work.
“Your hair looks nice today” she said instead, to take her off guard.
“Oh” the girl’s eyebrow raised.
“Thanks, I’m trying a new hair care routine” she answered.
Her words seemed careful, as if she was still hesitant to assume she wasn’t being made fun of.
‘I know you are. I sat though two parts of your review last night’ Trinity thought
“It’s working” she said instead.
Victoria still seemed surprised and didn’t add anything else before Trinity got called out of the room with a huge grin on.
Once more, the first thing she did after getting home was open the TikTok app. Dr.J’s account was first in her search history and she smiled to see the new video pop up. The caption said;
‘my crush gave me a compliment today #whatthatmean #wlw’
Her WHAT
Trinity’s eyes went wide and she paused the video barely a few words in. She reread the caption a few more times. She started to overthink her own reading skills. “#wlw” women loving women, it must have meant Javadi was bisexual or a lesbian or queer in some other women loving way. Trinity did suspect that but she never got an actual confirmation until this. Now, who could have been Javadi’s “crush”? The word sounded so unserious. Maybe the whole situation was unserious, maybe Trinity shouldn’t be freaking out. So, she clicked play again.
“Girls, gays and fellow healthcare workers, Dr.J here and I have an announcement! This is another personal story of mine, so if you’re here for my serious content, check out the pinned video about the most common reasons people end up in the ER and tips on how to avoid becoming that person.”
Trinity smiled, watching the excited side of Victoria. The girl was smiling and talking with her hands but still sounding professional.
“So, let's get back to the deep stuff. I have been hiding something from all of you, which a lot of people guessed already. Yes, the girl I have a crush on is the girl from the ‘annoying coworker’ series. I know, shocker. I didn’t think people would catch that, I only mentioned liking someone from my work a few times! Anyway, the views have gone up since I started sharing my coming out journey, and with how much support I found here, I guessed I should offer more content about my non-existent love life. So, last time I told you I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like me, I’m not so sure anymore. She said my hair looks nice today, and she keeps looking at me. When she listens she like.. she really shows that she does, you know? People seem so dismissive of me when they aren’t interested, and she seems to always look for more thrilling things, but when she talks to me.. I don’t know, maybe I’m projecting. But hey, she likes my hair!”
Trinity paused the video once more, this time her finger lingered above the screen. She took a few breaths before she could really comprehend what she heard. Was this about her? Victoria has been admitting her feelings online for God knows how long. She called her annoying so many times and yet secretly kept mentioning her enough that her viewers figured it out. Vic never showed it in work. She was very reactive and responsive to whatever Trinity currently bothered her with, but she assumed Javadi was like that with everyone.
Perhaps she seemed displeased when Santos was around because it meant pretending, keeping herself in check. Yet, she never backed away, avoided or caught her interactions short. She would sometimes even drag the conversation, seemingly to prove the point, but keeping her around longer in the process. Have they both been going through the same thing? No, it could not be true. Victoria thought Trinity didn’t like her, maybe she would act on it if she knew.
However, Trinity now knowing the truth, was even more determined not to act on it. Trinity could not be with Javadi. It would mean putting her surgery residency dream at risk. What’s even worse, it would mean potentially getting attached. Which, as she promised herself, could never happen again. So, she won’t date Javadi, ever. Won’t confess, won’t let her confess.
She took another deep breath, trying to ignore the pain twisting inside her, as she pressed ‘play’ again.
“Speaking of hair, I should remind you that with the code “DRJ” you get a discount on all hair products listed in my bio! There is also my analysis of the ingredients, I wouldn’t recommend anything harmful. Trust me, I was offered money to do so before”
She watched Victoria roll her eyes, fuck she was so pretty. Trinity was still listening even though her mind was now circling with thoughts completely not related to hair products.
“Alright everyone, story time is over. I’m ending the video before I start switching subjects again. As usual, Thank you for all the support and stay safe! This weekend I’ll be replying to the most liked comments. Bye!”
Victoria ended the video with a huge smile.
It looped to the beginning again and Trinity just stared at her phone and watched it again, as if she was trying to hear something she missed, or find out that she hallucinated it all and maybe this time she’ll see the real thing. But it was exactly the same, annoying coworker (who was obviously Trinity from what she caught when watching the prank video), the hair compliment (there was a small chance she wasn’t the only one who complimented Vic’s hair that day). Trinity turned the phone off after watching the same TikTok three times. She gave up on trying to delete the video with her mind. How long has everyone known except her?
Trinity did leave a comment saying ‘what do you even see in her?’. She wasn’t waiting to be praised, she was genuinely asking.
She was sure Victoria could have thought Trinity was cool. Vic was also new to dating. Trin, as much as she wanted to believe it, was also convinced once Javadi learns more about her, she’ll leave. Everyone does eventually. She may think she has a crush, but it will pass, or always does. If Trinity lets herself believe, it will just hurt more.
She didn’t expect to get an answer, she was off her phone for a few days, fighting the urge to check Dr.J’s profile since she got herself a little too used to it. Still, when the weekend started, she could not resist anymore. She saw a bunch of new TikToks where, as she promised, Javadi was answering questions. There it was, the one Trinity asked. “What do you even see in her?” It did not have the most likes but somehow the girl still chose it.
“Thank you for this question.. uh pussy eater xcx. Nice username”
Victoria was smiling widely in the video and it made Trinity smile too. Sweet Victoria, not getting the sarcasm of the question.
“I’m really glad someone asked this. I know I’ve been saying a lot of.. not the nicest things about her. Yeah, she makes fun of people, but it’s not in a mean way! She’s actually so funny sometimes. I try not to laugh so I don’t give her the satisfaction and enable that.. I can't let her know I like her, right? Besides, she’s so ambitious and she keeps challenging me, which is a good thing, it’s thrilling in a way”
Trinity might have never heard someone describe her like that. Yeah, she liked to think of herself as funny and ambitious, but hearing Victoria call her ‘thrilling’ just felt different. Trinity was constantly getting on her nerves, but instead of this being a way to push Crash away, it just made her more interested. All the qualities Vic liked about her and yet she never let it show. Why was that? Was she truly convinced Trinity couldn’t feel the same? She wasn’t really the most open person, so that assumption didn’t come from nowhere.
“You would understand if you saw her, she’s just so ughhh.. I would describe her but I don’t want you imagining her.”
Victoria’s voice was high pitched now, as if she was experiencing a gay panic just thinking of Trinity’s looks. It made the girl’s heart beat a little faster.
“Plus, what if any of my coworkers found this page, it happened before.. Unfortunately. I can’t let her find out, she would be insufferable about this”
Oh how wrong she was. Trinity knowing wouldn’t affect them. She won’t let it. Hearing Victoria admit all those things made her warm inside, but she kept it to herself. If Javadi really liked her that much, she would be even more disappointed if she got to know Trinity more. The girl went through this before, no matter how much someone liked her, it never lasted long. Getting to watch Javadi talk about her was safer, if she did not pop her bubble, she could get to hear all this in secret. That’s what she did. She watched the video enough times that she could recite every word. She stared at the way Vic smiled when talking about her, the way she sounded genuinely happy to be able to say all this. She was in such a good mood and it made her eyes almost shine. Trinity wanted to kiss her, wanted to jump though the screen and scream at her. Her thumb moved on the screen as if she was caressing her cheek. All it did was make the video speed up, which Trinity forgot was an option since she never used it before, she wasn’t on the app for that long. She felt stupid, why did she even do that? Touching Victoria though the screen was not an option. By now she should have accepted that she’d never get to touch her, or be touched by her. No matter how much she wanted that. Not even if they both did.
Trinity couldn’t let the video out of her head. Victoria’s voice kept her all night. “She keeps challenging me”, “I don’t want you imagining her”. Trinity could not sleep.
The next morning, she felt like she just came back from a crusade. A sleepless night after a difficult shift and doing overtime, was like a final nail to a coffin. She had a day off, so she could potentially recharge.
Nothing she tried seemed to help, but there was one way that always seemed to relax her. Something she knew would put her to sleep. So, she decided to use the free time that she got on her hands.
Usually, she tried to replace her desire for Victoria by getting satisfied elsewhere. It wasn’t hard for her to get laid, she seemed to attract the emotionally unavailable but just as horny. For a while, it really was enough.
This time it was supposed to just be a quick orgasm, mindless hand stuff to calm her down. She didn’t even feel like hooking up with anyone, she could handle it on her own. She started slowly, like she usually did, just circling her clit. She didn't realize how aroused she was until she actually started touching herself. Barely a minute in and she already felt so sensitive.
She closed her eyes and Dr.J’s words started playing in her head once more. “she’s actually funny”
Trinity felt her face go red from embarrassment at her own thoughts. Still, she kept going.
“If you saw her, she’s so..”
Trinity moved her fingers faster.
“Fuck.. fuck- Crash..” She moaned out.
She fully embraced her desire now, imagining Victoria talk to her. She thought of that smile, of how Victoria played with her hair on those videos. How her arms looked, her neck.. how she pouted her lips when gathering thoughts. Santos thought she was going crazy. She finished from just playing with her clit, which rarely happened. She usually needed a little more, fingers or a toy. However, if she was really in the mood, things got easier. Now, despite having just came, she was still very much in the mood.
Before she let the shame get to her, she pulled out her phone and clicked on Dr.J’s page. She picked a random video from the ‘annoying coworker’ series. The video didn’t matter, she just needed to see her, to hear her voice, to imagine for a little bit longer. She kept the phone in her trembling hand.
“You will NOT believe what she did today! So, for context, we were working on the case together and..”
Victoria started talking and Trinity’s eyes glued to the way her brows furrowed and how she rolled her eyes and moved her head. Trin pushed two fingers inside at once and moaned out loudly. She couldn’t even focus on the words that were leaving Victoria’s lips, didn’t even consider the subtitles. She just watched and kept fucking herself.
“And then she..” The video kept going but only a few words were actually being registered by Trinity’s brain.
She curled her fingers and gasped.
“I swear she just gets on my nerves like..”
Trinity pushed harder, hitting against the spot that made her arch her back.
“I must admit it was kind of hot when I proved to her that..”
That was all it took, Crash using the word hot and Trinity finished again, it was more intense this time. She kept moving her fingers to prolong the orgasm. The video looped again but Trinity only turned it off when she was already lying flat on her back and gasping for air.
She wanted to believe she’d never do it again, but she knew she would. If she could not let herself have Victoria any other way, while knowing she wanted her too, this had to be enough.
At least it helped her finally fall asleep.