Work Text:
15 May 1987
Dear diary,
it's over. vecna is gone, Hawkins is still standing and we are still standing and i keep waiting for the other shoe to drop but it doesn't.
We saw the sunset again for the first time since the earthquake today. It was pink and gold over the water tower. Jon even took a photo and gave it to me. no ash, no smoke. just clouds. i like the clouds. i've been staring at them a lot lately.
Hawkins is better now, but the noise still gets to me sometimes. everyone talking at once, the tv too loud, cars.
so i've been wandering. there's an abandoned church construction site on the edge of town that nobody goes to and i bring my sketchbook. to just— draw.
it's peaceful. it's the most peaceful i've felt in a long time.
17 May 1987
Dear diary,
Did I mention that I came out to everyone before the world ended?
The last time I journaled was when I was 12. Back then, I was carrying more secrets than I could convey to the lab, so they made me.
I hated it. I always preferred drawing more.
But, I've come to a realization that it was always deeper than that too. The things I wanted to write about were too fragile, even writing them privately caused me shame.
Maybe things can be different now.
El is free now and i think that's the thing i keep coming back to. she gets to just be a person now. if she can be brave enough to face the world even after it almost drove herself to end it all? Maybe I can be brave enough to live without shame, even if this town still hates the way I love.
They can deal with it. Only two more years, and then I'll make sure I'm out of this hell hole. Jon is in university at New York, maybe I'll go there too. Or maybe California. Robin says there are many people like us in New York and California.
I can't wait.
The Abandoned Church
Click/Hover to reveal sketch
19 May 1987
Dear diary,
something weird happened. a jock showed up at the site. i almost left but he didn't really bother me. we shared the space for like an hour.
it was weird. not bad weird though
Lies they tell you in life:
-> cigarette actually taste like shit
-> music is made for all
-> not all jocks are assholes, some are funny
21 May 1987
Dear diary,
okay so. we talked. like actually talked. his name is chance lawson. which i already knew, obviously, he's vice-captain of the basketball team. i thought he'd be boring or awful but he's — neither of those things. he likes the cure. THE CURE. i almost fell off the scaffolding.
we walked togther listening to his tape for a while. then we shared a cigarette and he asked me what i was drawing and i panicked and showed him and he didn't make it weird. he just said "that's the bell tower, right" and pointed at the actual bell tower and i said yeah and he nodded like it was the most normal thing.
i don't know, i'm just rambling now but i really just needed to let it out somewhere.
he's so easy to be around. i did not expect that.
hey,
same time today?
brought extra cigarettes, if you want to try not coughing the whole thing up this time
– C.L
oh fuck you "C.L"
but yeah sure, same time.
maybe don’t move your flashlight this time, i missed up the sketch :(
– W.B
His Eyes are too pretty, i had to paint them
Click/Hover to reveal sketch
that's me? holy shit, you are so talented byers
also, obsessed much? i'm flattered sweetheart ;)
- C
things i did not expect about chance lawson:
1. knows every word to "in between days"
2. actually listens when you talk. like, stops and looks at you
3. has a younger sister he clearly adores (he doesn't say much but his whole face changes)
4. terrible at sitting still but somehow never makes the space feel crowded
5. i feel so safe around him
7 June 1987
Dear diary,
i have to be honest about something because if i don't write it down it's going to eat me alive.
i think i still like mike. or — i thought i did? it's like muscle memory at this point. four years of wanting something that was never going to happen and now i don't know where the habit ends and the actual feeling starts.
but then there's this. chance. and it's so different and i don't know what that means yet. i can't stop spiral about it. i can't tell anyone either though
i just needed to say it somewhere. i'm freaking out
you left your blue pencil yesterday, meet me before my practice to take it back?
- C
i would apologize for lying about there being practice again. but i have a feeling you enjoyed today ;)
Click/Hover to reveal sketch
Click/Hover to reveal sketch
Click/Hover to reveal sketch
i'm such an idiot, diary.
i like him. i really, really like him. and i told myself — i promised myself — i wouldn't do this again. that i was done building a whole world inside my chest around someone who might not even see me the way i do them
why do i never learn?
i barely survived mike last time. how am i going to survive this?
robin is naive and still thinks there are signs. she keeps giving me that look and saying "will. he literally—" and then listing things i already know and have already memorized and am already trying very hard not to think about.
she does not know that i have seen this film before, i know how it ends. his presence in my sister's room reminds me every night
i just over one boy. i don't can't do this again
but he is so wonderful, diary. he is really, genuinely everything i wish to have.
i'm so scared.
missed you last night. site felt wrong without you. i drew you to keep me company. do you like it?
- C
Will? is everything okay? why weren't you there today too?
- C
please read it read this W, please
hi W,
this is C. but i guess you figured that already, if my desperate attempts to talk to you in the hallway are anything to decode. i just...sweetheart i've been a wreck for the last two weeks. was is somthing i did? did i say something wrong? i'm sorry if i did. please tell me, please talk to me. i need to know if i fucked this up. i thought you felt the same, but now i just... i don't know.
i don't know. i'm just sorry. i'll leave you alone if you tell me to. just please tell in person?
please?
Dear diary,
you won’t believe today. i still can’t believe it.
It was like something out of a movie.
His lips are so soft. He held me so gently.
I can’t stop smiling. My brother keeps sending me looks.
I did not know things like this could happen in hawkins, not to people like us.
he also called me bunny tonight. i don't know where it came from. i think it was because of the drawing he did last week.
It’s so unfair. He makes me feel too much.
robin is going to have a field day when i tell her
I’m so glad i stopped being an idiot.
bunny, ♥
can't wait to see you today, its been too long
it's just been like... 12 hours? relax tiger.
- ... your bunny
so? exactly, way too long
- your tiger ♥
Will's Bedroom Drawer, December 1987
hover/click to slide open
