Chapter Text
“Seijuro, this boy will be your new friend,” the big scary man in the suit said.
“Go say hi, Kouki,” his mother prompted. Kouki was terrified. The boy in front of him was watching him curiously and he didn’t know what to do. The boy—Seijuro, as the man said—seemed about his age (almost five years old), but with beautiful red hair and eyes. Red was Kouki’s favorite color and he wanted to touch the hair, but he was too scared, so he played with his hands and shifted from foot to foot. “Go on,” his mother prompted.
Taking a shaky step forward, he gripped his mother’s pant leg and looked to the floor, “Hello. I-it’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s not nice to lie,” the other boy said coldly. Kouki cringed and backed away behind his mother for protection.
“Seijuro,” the scary man said strictly.
The redheaded boy sighed, “He doesn’t think it’s nice to meet me. He’s obviously too scared. It’ll be just like the last one.”
“Stop scaring them away, then,” the man pushed the boy forward.
“Fine,” the boy grumbled. He walked closer to Kouki and said, “I was just about to color, would you like to join?”
Too scared to say no, Kouki nodded.
“Good. Come along.”
They become best friends within a week. It turned out that Sei wasn’t scary at all, he just knew a lot of big words and was a lot smarter than Kouki.
They were six, resting after playing basketball on the small court in Sei’s backyard, when Sei let Kouki touch his hair. It was a monumental moment for their relationship. Sei tended not to like being touched and Kouki was too scared to ask, but that day they were sitting almost shoulder to shoulder and Sei had gotten a leaf stuck in his sweat-covered locks.
“May I?” Kouki asked after watching Sei fail to find the small leaf.
Sei looked at him for a long moment before he nodded tentatively.
Reaching over had been nerve-wracking, but when he lifted the strand with the trapped leaf, it felt strangely natural. The red hair was a lot softer than his own boring brown. Getting the leaf free wasn’t very hard, but he pretended it was so he could touch it longer.
“There,” he said, showing the leaf proudly.
Sei’s smile then was strangely warmer than usual. It sent Kouki’s heart fluttering and he didn’t know why. “Thank you,” Sei said. The smile plus the words sent a blush to Kouki’s cheeks.
Kouki quickly realized he liked Sei more than he liked the other kids in his school. It wasn’t until he was eight and he saw two kids kissing on the playground that it hit him. He wanted to kiss Sei and hold his hand and do all the things they do in movies.
Gathering up the courage had led to one Friday night after a marathon of their favorite cartoon. They were laying down on their stomachs on Sei’s bed and Kouki took a deep breath and asked, “Hey, Sei-chan, have you ever thought about kissing someone? I saw a boy kissing a girl on the playground and…I don’t know.”
Sei turned to him and scrunched his face up, “Gross. Not a girl.”
“Then you would kiss a boy?” Kouki ventured.
Smiling crookedly, Sei said, “Yes I would. But only someone I like.”
With a burst of courage, Kouki asked, “Do you like me?”
Sei’s smile turned into a grin and he nodded.
Kouki felt his cheeks get warm and he leaned over and shyly touched his lips to Sei’s like he’d seen his parents do. He backed away quickly, but Sei pushed him onto his back, took his cheeks, and connected their lips again. Sei’s lips were even softer than his hair and Kouki felt like he couldn’t even think. It was strange. He’d asked one of the boys in his class what it felt like to kiss someone and they hadn’t said anything like this.
Both boys grinning like idiots, they lay down together and began planning their wedding. Sei wanted it to be just the two of them, but Kouki was adamant that their mothers were invited. It was their perfect little world.
Kouki had just turned ten when they got in trouble. They’d kissed a lot (just plain lip to lip contact) and held hands and cuddled, and one day Sei had kissed him in school. The teacher had looked at them strangely when he saw them holding hands, but the kiss is where he put his foot down.
They were taken into the principal’s office and their parents were called. Kouki’s mother arrived first, looking incredibly nervous. They waited for quite a while before a woman showed up that Kouki knew was not Sei’s mother.
“Where’s mom?” Sei asked. He’d been quiet up until then, nervously tapping his fingers on his thighs while trying to keep his face expressionless. They’d kept the boys across the room from one another so they couldn’t take comfort in each other.
The woman kneeled in front of Sei’s chair and said, “She isn’t feeling well, so I came instead.”
Sei visibly paled. His mom was getting more and more sick and Kouki was worried. She was the only one who loved Sei as much as he did and when she couldn’t be there, Sei’s dad made him work and study. With his mom, Sei had the freedom to play basketball and practice his instruments, but all of that freedom disappeared when his father came into the picture.
The boys were lectured about how it wasn’t appropriate for them to kiss at this age, much less both of them being boys. Sei tried to argue, but as soon as they’d said he couldn’t kiss Sei anymore or hold his hand, Kouki burst into tears.
The adults were adamant, though. They said it would be best if Sei moved classes and Kouki cried harder and Sei argued even more. He was reasonable, but the adults weren’t. Sei and Kouki loved each other, but that didn’t seem to make any difference. Sei told them that the other kids kissed too and the teachers thought it was cute, so why was it different for them? He would not accept that them both being boys was a problem. Kouki agreed, but he couldn’t get himself to form words.
Sei had to be practically dragged out of there, and Kouki’s mom had waited until he’d calmed down a little before taking his hand and leading him away.
On the walk to the car, Kouki mumbled, “Why is it bad that we’re both boys?”
His mother paused. She kneeled in front of him and said, “It isn’t bad, sweetie.”
“Then why can’t we even hold hands anymore?”
Sighing, she said, “Sei-chan’s dad is…he needs Sei-chan to marry a girl.”
“But Sei-chan doesn’t like girls,” Kouki said, feeling frustration building up again.
Smoothing down his hair, his mom said sadly, “I know, but that’s just the way things are.”
Jerking away from her touch, Kouki crossed his arms and said, “Then things are stupid! I love Sei-chan and I won’t let him marry anyone else!”
Cringing, his mother said, “Please, sweetie, please just don’t kiss him anymore and don’t hold his hand. If you do, maybe you can stay friends.”
Kouki felt his lip quiver, so he shut his eyes and turned away from his mother.
Neither of them said anything else on the whole trip home.
The very next day, Sei was put in the other class. They still saw one another during breaks and lunch, but they were watched. It was sad. All Kouki wanted to do was to be close to Sei. All of his life he’d been told that love was good, but now that he loved another boy, it wasn’t allowed. It made no sense to him.
Sei was obviously furious. Everything was going wrong. His mother wasn’t getting better and now they’d been separated. Kouki wasn’t even allowed to go to Sei’s house anymore. They would sit and eat lunch together just trying to find topics that weren’t sad. It was hard. With so much going on, neither of them could find it in themselves to go back to how things were before they spent almost every waking moment together.
A week later, Kouki was woken up late at night by a strange sound. It sounded a few more times before he realized it was his window. Walking over and taking a look outside, he saw Sei, who waved to him with a big smile.
Opening the window, he waved back. “Sei-chan, what are you doing here so late?” he asked in a whisper.
Sei said, “Let me in through the back.”
Kouki nodded and padded down the stairs as quietly as he could. His parents and brother were asleep and he didn’t want to wake them up. Opening the door, he let Sei in and they tiptoed back to his room hand in hand. It felt good to have Sei’s hand in his again. He’d missed it.
They got into Kouki’s bed and cuddled together. Sei kissed his cheek. Neither of them said anything for a long time, just taking comfort in being together. He ran his fingers in a slow circle on Sei’s back and felt the powerful presence that always calmed him down.
After a while, Sei said quietly, “My mom got worse again.” Kouki froze. “She can’t breathe on her own anymore. There are machines in her room and doctors and nurses. I don’t think she’s going to get better.”
Pulling Sei closer, Kouki said, “Don’t say that! Everything will be okay.”
Sei shook his head, “It won’t.”
“It will! It has to! Everything will work out!”
“Keep it down or your parents will wake up,” Sei whispered, tightening his grip on Kouki. They stayed like that for a while, gripping one another like their lives depended on it.
What broke their embrace was a yawn from Kouki.
Sei smiled, “Go to sleep.”
“Will you stay?”
“Of course.”
The doorbell woke the two up and Kouki was too groggy to realize what might be coming. All he really cared about was the red haired boy whose arms he was wrapped in. He wished he could wake up like this every day.
Then the door to his room burst open and Sei’s father marched in with their head of security on his heel. They were an intimidating pair and Kouki was paralyzed by fear. He’d always been afraid of Sei’s father, but the security guard was the biggest man Kouki had ever seen and though he was a nice guy every time they met, Kouki was still terrified.
Sei sat up and Kouki followed, trembling. There was a stare down between the father and son until Sei’s dad said in an icy tone, “This will never happen again.” It was clearly a threat meant for both of the boys.
Sei took Kouki’s hand and said, “I love him and you can’t stop that.” How he managed to keep his voice even, Kouki would never know.
Ignoring that, his father asked, “Will you come on your own or do you wish to be dragged out?”
“I’ll go willingly. Give me a minute.”
Huffing, Sei’s dad said, “You have half.” With that, they walked out of the room.
Kouki suddenly found himself being tackled in a tight hug. “Kouki, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. This is my fault and now we’ll get in trouble again.”
Hugging Sei back, Kouki said, “It’s okay. We’ll be okay.”
“No, I don’t think we will this time,” Sei whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“Sei-chan, you don’t have to apologize, everything will be okay.”
“It won’t.”
Kouki wondered how Sei could keep his voice so level while saying such things. “You can’t give up! No matter what happens, we’ll find a way to make it work. We will. We have to.”
“What if we can’t?”
“We will. And you know why? Because there isn’t anyone I love more than you and there never will be.”
Loosening his grip on Kouki, Sei allowed himself a smile, “I love you too.”
The door opened and Sei’s dad said, “We’re leaving.”
With a quick kiss and another tight hug, Sei got up and followed his father out, fists clenched and hands shaking.
It took Kouki a bit to pull himself together before he ran out of his room on shaking legs and watched Sei being led out of his house. It was a miracle he didn’t fall down the stairs as he stopped at the top and gripped the banister with all of his strength. He swallowed down the lump in his throat as his mom turned to face him. Before she could say anything, he steeled himself and said, “It’s not fair.”
She looked worried as she walked up the stairs towards him. “Kouki, why did you let him into our house in the night?”
“Because he came and we haven’t been able to see each other a lot,” he said as she ushered him into his room.
She sat on his bed and he sat down at his desk, watching her with as blank of an expression as he could manage. It came out fairly well after having watched Sei do it so often. “Sweetie,” his mother began, “You can’t see Sei-chan anymore, do you understand?”
“No! I don’t! I don’t understand why it’s bad! If love is supposed to be good, then why is it bad to love Sei?”
That obviously took his mother by surprise. He’d never yelled at her like this. Her voice was strained as she said calmly, “It’s not bad to love a boy, but you can’t love Sei-chan. Not like that. You can still be friends if you just—“
“Why?!” He lost his control and burst into tears. “W-why can’t I? Adults don’t make any sense!”
“You’ll understand when you’re older, it’s—“
“No!”
“It’s because Sei-chan needs to marry a girl!”
“Why?!”
“Because two boys can’t have a baby!”
“Then we can adopt! It’s not a big deal! Rin-chan is adopted and she’s perfectly fine!”
His mother clearly lost her patience. She got up and kneeled in front of him, her voice dropping into a warning tone, “Kouki, you can’t see Sei-chan again. If you do, we’re going to move far away.”
Wiping his eyes, he looked away and crossed his arms.
He was done talking with her.
The next day, he didn’t see Sei in the morning. That was concerning, so when lunch came around, he wandered towards his class.
Before Kouki could get too far, his arm was grabbed and he was pulled into one of the broom closets. He was about to freak out, but the light came on and he saw Sei standing facing the door. He breathed a sigh of relief before Sei turned with a smile on his face.
Kouki froze. The smile was not one Kouki had seen before, but that wasn’t the only difference. Sei’s hair was shorter and his eyes—now two different colors—were cold and not at all the Sei he knew. This was not Sei-chan.
“Kouki,” he said, his voice even and almost purring. It sent Kouki’s knees shaking in fear.
Looking between the one red eye and the one golden one, Kouki shook his head, “Y-you’re not Sei-chan.”
The red haired boy stepped forward and Kouki flinched, taking a step back. “Of course I am,” the boy said. “Who else would I be?”
Kouki had never been scared of Sei before (excluding their first meeting), but now he was terrified. This Sei-chan had the same aura about him as Sei’s father. The golden eye, the shorter hair, everything was wrong with this. Everything. Even the way Sei moved now was faster and more precise. His movements were fluid as he took another step forward.
“S-Sei-chan, if you’re still there, please come back! Please!”
He wasn’t sure what it was, but the boy in front of him paused, closing his eyes.
“Sei-chan?”
When Sei’s eyes opened again, they were both red. Kouki felt relief wash over him as Sei stepped back and said, “Kouki…I’m…I’m sorry, I don’t…he just…”
Stumbling forward, Kouki practically fell into Sei’s arms. “A-are you okay? What happened?”
Sei hugged him tightly and said, “I’m…not sure. I just…t-there’s another me, but he’s not me and…my dad was yelling at me yesterday and I lost it. I lost control and he took over and I’m sorry.”
“Y-you didn’t get into too much trouble, did you?”
Giving Kouki a kiss on the cheek, Sei said, “No more than usual.”
“What happened to your hair?”
Looking away, Sei said, “T-the other me cut it. He said it was getting in the way. That made my dad even more mad.”
“Well, at least he did a pretty good job,” Kouki said, reaching up and ruffling Sei’s now shorter bangs.
Sei chuckled, “You think so?”
Smiling, Kouki kissed Sei and said, “Yup. Though we should get out of here and go eat lunch before—“
The door swung open and Kouki’s teacher glared down at them. The atmosphere suddenly dropped a few degrees as a heavy pit settled into Kouki’s stomach. He jumped back and looked at the floor, embarrassed and hoping that the teacher wouldn’t—
“Let’s go. Principal’s office.”
“This is absurd. We weren’t—“
“No talking,” the teacher cut Sei off.
Seeing as they were already in trouble, Kouki reached out and took Sei’s hand, ignoring it when the teacher demanded they separate.
They sat together as their parents were called, hands refusing to part. Kouki was getting a bit nervous, though. It was partially his fault that Sei would be getting in trouble again. Not like he wouldn’t also get in trouble, but that thought didn’t bother him as much as the thought of making Sei’s life any harder than it already was. Besides, his mom hadn’t actually done anything besides lecture him and her lectures were pointless and made no sense. She wouldn’t see reason, so he tended to ignore her after an initial argument.
His mom came in and as soon as she saw them, she took a deep breath and kneeled in front of her son. “Kouki, please, you have to let Sei-chan’s hand go. You’ll get into a lot of trouble again if you’re seen.”
Kouki pouted, refusing to let go.
She turned to Sei and said, “Please. You two can still save your friendship, but you can’t have a relationship. Before your father sees, let Kouki’s hand go.”
Sei turned to Kouki and with one final squeeze, their hands parted. As soon as the comfort of having Sei there disappeared, Kouki felt almost lost. His lip quivered, but he refused to cry. Instead, he crossed his arms and looked out the window.
A few minutes of him watching a bird later, Sei got up. Kouki looked to him and Sei smiled at him sadly and went to sit down two chairs over. Kouki’s mom gave him a thankful look and sat down next to her son.
They waited another five or so minutes before the door opened and Sei’s dad walked in. The air seemed to instantly get cold and heavy. “Seijuro,” he said, staring down his son, “You were warned, now you will suffer the consequences.”
“You don’t even know what happened,” was Sei’s even response.
“I don’t need to know the details. You think you’re in love with this boy, but you’re not.” Sei looked ready to continue arguing, but his dad turned to Kouki’s mom, “Furihata-san, we have quite a few things to discuss.”
She nodded back, her face fighting for a neutral expression. Kouki had never seen his mom look so worried before. The knot in his chest tightened and his lip began to tremble. Shutting his eyes, he tried his best to keep his tears back. The adults kept talking, but Kouki couldn’t hear them through his efforts not to cry. It was just mumbling in the background as the tears kept welling up in his eyes.
Curling his knees in on the chair, Kouki’s resolve broke. The tears came fast and he covered his face with his hands. He didn’t want Sei to get in any more trouble and that’s exactly what was happening.
A hand on his shoulder snapped him from his tears. He looked up to find his mom’s soft brown eyes watching him with worry. “Hey, Kouki, let’s go home, okay?”
With a sob, Kouki nodded. Taking his mom’s hand, he got off the chair and wiped his eyes enough to see Sei through the blur of tears. Sei gave him a weak smile before his mom tugged lightly on his hand and led him out of the office.