Chapter Text
@beantownmads
you are NOT going to believe who just walked into my clinic with a baby for shots
@ottbluepaint
who
@beantownmads
ilya rozanov
@roz81daily
shut up
@ppgcelly
BE SERIOUS
@beantownmads
i am being extremely serious
@shaneleftpost
???????????????
@sinbinburner
HIS baby???
@backcheckmila
not funny. don’t do this to me on a tuesday 🙃
@ottbluepaint
WAIT WAIT WAIT
@ppgcelly
what do you mean ilya rozanov with A BABY
@roz81daily
FIRST SIGHTING????? 👀
@hollerarchive
after all these months?????
@bluepaintbruise
no because we got one “shane hollander is taking time away” statement and then everybody vanished. what do you MEAN baby for shots
@leftwinglocks
I KNEW IT I KNEW THOSE RUMORS WEREN’T FOR NOTHING 🤸♀️💃🏼🕺🏼
@sinbinburner
oh my god the gossip accounts were right for once
@ppgcelly
no no no because there is a difference between “there were rumors” and “someone is currently looking at an actual baby in ilya rozanov’s arms”
@ottbluepaint
EXACTLY THANK YOU 👏
@shaneleftpost
is it definitely THEIR baby. i need you to choose your next words with care
@sinbinburner
well unless hayden pike has started lending children out like library books, i’m going with yes 🤷🏽♀️
@ottbluepaint
FOUL
@beantownmads
yes, obviously his baby. who else would i mean
@roz81daily
i’m actually shaking
@hollerarchive
you can’t just say this like it’s normal. this is the first real sighting. do you understand the historical weight of what you’ve done here
@leftwinglocks
all those weird airport blur photos. all those “friend of a friend saw them in quebec” posts. all those deleted gossip blinds. I WAS RIGHT
@bluepaintbruise
meanwhile i was out here telling people to be normal and not believe everything on the internet. i’ve never been more ashamed 🫠
@ppgcelly
sorry but some of us were told the rumors were invasive and baseless and now beantownmads is apparently in a pediatric clinic with physical evidence
@ottbluepaint
what does he LOOK like
@beantownmads
before any of you ask, no, i’m not taking a picture of a man with his child in a clinic. calm down
@sinbinburner
BOOOOO 🍅🍅🍅
@hollerarchive
ethically correct. spiritually devastating.
@roz81daily
then start describing everything immediately
@beantownmads
i was literally halfway through wiping down a room when i looked up and it was ilya fucking rozanov standing there holding a baby 🧍
@sinbinburner
WHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE
@ppgcelly
no sorry i’m stuck on the image of you looking up and getting hit with THAT
@ppgcelly
did fatherhood humble him visually yes or no
@beantownmads
unfortunately no. he looked absurdly good.
@hollerarchive
i hate that answer 🚶🏽♀️➡️
@ppgcelly
of course he did. evil wins again 😑
@beantownmads
rested too. which means either the baby is weirdly chill or he pulled himself together ridiculously well before coming in
@leftwinglocks
i’m obsessed with the implication that he got himself together for the pediatrician like he was going on a date
@sinbinburner
daddy has to present himself properly ✨
@ppgcelly
SCREAMING
@ottbluepaint
well yes. he is a ✨father✨ now
@hollerarchive
that is NOT the kind of daddy we meant for years and yet here we are
@ppgcelly
we used to say that as a joke and now he’s carrying an infant in for shots. life comes at you fast
@hollerarchive
same whore. new demographic
@ppgcelly
look alive. must represent for daughter 🫡
@hollerarchive
must serve at pediatrician 🫡
@sinbinburner
must bring face card to vaccine day 🫡
@ottbluepaint
okay ENOUGH about his stupid face for one second. we see that man on tv every few games. get back to the important part, which is apparently a whole fucking baby
@shaneleftpost
exactly. respect the live witness and report on the infant
@ppgcelly
where did beantown go
@sinbinburner
probably working unlike the rest of us
@beantownmads
sorry. had to do actual things for a minute
@hollerarchive
unacceptable. continue
@beantownmads
okay. he’s sitting in one of those tiny molded chairs with the baby on his lap and he looks completely ridiculous there. it’s mostly moms in here with babies and then just this giant fucker in black looking like somebody dropped an nhl player into a parenting facebook group by mistake
@ottbluepaint
I CANT 🫨
@ppgcelly
the image alone is taking me out
@leftwinglocks
sorry but i’m obsessed with that. just mothers, strollers, diaper bags, and then ilya rozanov somehow taking up the space of three people
@beantownmads
baby’s on his lap in the puffiest little coat i’ve ever seen. tiny hat. whole thing insane to witness in person i still can’t believe this is my fucking tuesday
@shaneleftpost
how is he holding the baby
@beantownmads
like he knows exactly what he’s doing, which i resent deeply
@beantownmads
one hand under the baby, the other across the middle. head bent down and talking to them the whole time
@hollerblue24
sorry but him taking the baby to shots alone is devastating information
@sinbinburner
no because old roz could not have been trusted with my car keys let alone an infant
@ottbluepaint
i wouldn’t have let that man hold my phone in 2016 unless i wanted it back at 3 a.m. with a cracked screen
@sinbinburner
look what proper lockdown does to a man
@ppgcelly
shane hollander needs to be studied
@leftwinglocks
that bussy GOOD 💦
@ottbluepaint
that bussy STRICT 🫡
@hollerarchive
he got that man on a program 📃
@ppgcelly
sleep schedule ✔️ meal plan ✔️ taking-the-baby-for-shots privileges ✔️
@sinbinburner
unsupervised infant transport clearance ✔️
@leftwinglocks
i’m crying because we have watched that man be a public nuisance for years and now he’s apparently allowed to take the baby to important places by himself 🧍
@ottbluepaint
not just allowed. trusted ✊
@81inmyveins
not to be insane but the fact that he apparently looks completely at ease is making me feel unwell
@beantownmads
you people are not understanding the proportions either. that is a LARGE man and a baby who looks WAAY smaller than she actually is
@roz81daily
i understood perfectly and i am now worse 👉👈
@ottbluepaint
is the baby cute. answer carefully
@beantownmads
enormous coat. little hat. roundest face i’ve seen in my life. looked like they’d been zipped into winter by two loving idiots
@ppgcelly
oh that’s absolutely their child then
@shaneleftpost
“roundest face” okay so hollanov really went and made a marshmallow
@leftwinglocks
god i knew it. i knew if those rumors were true their baby would come out absurdly cute just to make everybody angrier
@beantownmads
wait oh my god he’s taking the coat off
@81inmyveins
LIVE REPORT ❕
@beantownmads
coat is off. there are somehow even more baby underneath. i need you all to understand this child is unbelievably plush
@cellyferal
“more baby underneath” ????
@beantownmads
i’m right. the baby was ninety percent outerwear and now we’re getting the real shape and the real shape is dumpling
@ottbluepaint
i’m crying
@beantownmads
he just said, very quietly, “now the hat, lenochka. i know. see? is off”
@beantownmads
that’s from ear btw before anyone starts. i’ve been a rozanov stan for years so i’ve picked up just enough russian to be annoying, not reliable.
@ppgcelly
LENOCHKA?????
@roz81daily
IS THAT THE NAME
@beantownmads
i don’t know i’m from boston
@russiantape
russian speaker here. Lenochka is a nickname. probably Lena or Elena
@hollerblue24
OH MY GOD
@beantownmads
he keeps talking to the baby about everything he’s doing. like literally everything. coat off, hat off, one sleeve, other sleeve. full running commentary like they’re in this together
@81inmyveins
okay that’s worse than a photo actually
@beantownmads
it’s somehow much worse, yes
@beantownmads
the baby made one unhappy little sound and he immediately did this hand on the back thing and leaned in and started talking softer. i hate men by trade but unfortunately this one is making a difficult case
@ottbluepaint
what is he saying
@beantownmads
not enough for me to catch every word without becoming a criminal, but it’s very calm and constant.
@sinbinburner
come closer
@ppgcelly
yes. drift.
@leftwinglocks
subtle lean
@beantownmads
you all want me fired so bad
@hollerarchive
just a tasteful scoot
@ppgcelly
inch by inch. prey animal style
@beantownmads
NO, JESUS.
@beantownmads
morals. ethics. basic human decency. ever heard of that?
@sinbinburner
what’s said in gc stays in gc
@ppgcelly
exactly. this is a closed circle of scholars
@beantownmads
UGHHHH this is so unethical
@leftwinglocks
and yet you have already brought us this far. don’t stop at the gates ⛓️💥
@ottbluepaint
you are literally in the room where it happens
@beantownmads
i am in the hallway actually and i would like to remain employed in it 🤓
@beantownmads
okay FINE i had to go pretend to restock something anyway because the baby started fussing and yes, obviously, i was curious too. happy?
@ottbluepaint
YES
@ppgcelly
immense work from you here 🤝
@sinbinburner
service journalism
@beantownmads
calm down. i still can’t hear every word, so don’t start acting like i stuck a mic on him, but yes, he is 100% talking to her like they’re in this together against the clinic
@hollerarchive
as they should be
@beantownmads
no literally. she made this tiny offended little sound and he went, “ah, lenochka. yes. suspicious place. papa agrees.”
@ppgcelly
PAPA AGREES?????????
@ottbluepaint
HE SAID PAPA????????? 🧎🏽➡️
@leftwinglocks
COMBUSTING 🥵🥵
@sinbinburner
oh that’s NOT good for me personally
@hollerarchive
no because PAPA in that voice is crazy work 🤯
@ppgcelly
i just blacked out for a second
@ppgcelly
suddenly i understand every bad decision anyone has ever made around that man
@ottbluepaint
you people are so weak
@ppgcelly
YES.
@sinbinburner
not him already beefing with the clinic on behalf of his daughter. beautiful
@hollerarchive
that is the most ilya rozanov thing i’ve ever heard
@beantownmads
no because the baby fussed and he just went “i know. very rude. we come in peace and this is how they greet us.” like sir please...
@ppgcelly
STOPPPP
@ottbluepaint
he’s chirping modern medicine to an infant
@leftwinglocks
starting her young
@beantownmads
and he keeps rubbing her back with this huge hand the entire time, really slow, and saying everything like it’s a private strategy meeting
@sinbinburner
i’m unwell
@ottbluepaint
where are all those shayden stans who were saying ilya would obviously be a terrible father
@ppgcelly
SILENT now
@hollerarchive
they really spent months acting like hayden pike was dad of the year just bc he reproduces a lot
@leftwinglocks
quantity is not quality
@ottbluepaint
exactly. having a million kids doesn’t automatically make pike good at anything
@sinbinburner
hayden pike taking a baby in for shots would still be on the clipboard when the nurse called them in
@ppgcelly
I CANT
@hollerarchive
no because yes 😭
@ppgcelly
he’d ask three stupid questions, lose the paper immediately, and then stand there smiling like that helps
@hollerarchive
he would absolutely say “hang on, buddy” to the wrong child
@leftwinglocks
STOPPPP 😭😭
@leftwinglocks
please he’d somehow bring a podcast opinion into it too
@ottbluepaint
THIS
@ottbluepaint
he’d ask if the shots were really necessary because he “read something”
@ppgcelly
UTWHEFIUSFIOEWDS
@hollerarchive
meanwhile ilya’s out here doing emotional damage control on a baby in real time
@leftwinglocks
shayden truthers really told us this man would be cold and detached and now he’s in the hallway like yes my daughter and i agree this place is deeply suspicious
@hollerarchive
pike would somehow leave wearing the sticker himself
@ottbluepaint
not to gloat but i am absolutely gloating 🫶
@ottbluepaint
history can be beautiful
@beantownmads
okay WELL this just got less beautiful because the baby got properly upset and ilya immediately went digging for his phone
@ppgcelly
WHAT
@sinbinburner
HELLO?????
@beantownmads
and unless i’m losing my mind in this hallway i’m pretty sure he is facetiming shane hollander right now
@leftwinglocks
NOOOOOO
@ottbluepaint
JESUS CHRIST
@ppgcelly
HE CALLED SHANE?????????
@hollerarchive
TELL US EVERYTHING
@beantownmads
the baby calmed down almost right away. still sniffling, but the second the phone was up she just stared
@ppgcelly
OH MY GOD
@beantownmads
and started making those little happy baby noises while trying to get ilya’s cross necklace into her mouth
@sinbinburner
she saw hollander and said peace restored ✨
@beantownmads
no literally. then she started reaching for the screen like she was trying to get to him
@ppgcelly
OH MY GOD
@beantownmads
little hand out and everything. urgent baby business
@hollerarchive
i’m sick
@beantownmads
shane said something then, couldn’t hear all of it, but it was clearly facetime supervision because ilya immediately went, “yes, yes. i see it. thank you for your input from several provinces away”
@ottbluepaint
LMAOOOO
@leftwinglocks
that is SO them
@beantownmads
and then straight back to the baby in this soft voice like, “you be good for papa, zayka, mm? be brave for papa.”
@ppgcelly
ZAYKA????????
@russiantape
zayka is like bunny / little bunny. very affectionate. i hate him
@sinbinburner
I CANT DO THIS
@beantownmads
“one little poke, mm? then we see dada”
@beantownmads
IM-
@hollerarchive
evil. foul. disgusting.
@beantownmads
shane must’ve said she looked too warm or too red because ilya looked at the phone like he’d been insulted personally and went “she is red because she was crying”
@ottbluepaint
AS HE SHOULD 🙌
@beantownmads
he ended the call with “you see? under control. goodbye” in the bitchiest calm voice imaginable
@sinbinburner
thank you daddy ilya for standing up to remote supervision
@ppgcelly
exactly. he is on site. let the man work
@hollerarchive
shane hollander really has that man on invisible leash settings
@ottbluepaint
not even invisible. premium recall
@beantownmads
one note from hollander and he immediately started checking under the layers and asking the baby if she was warm like she was going to answer him. deep sickness
@leftwinglocks
advocating for daddy ilya in this difficult time. boots on the ground. baby in arms. being corrected from several provinces away
@beantownmads
oh my god wait i think he got a little flustered
@ottbluepaint
WHAT HAPPENED
@beantownmads
he looked up after doing the whole temperature check and i think he realized half the room was watching him because some of these mothers look like they want to take him home in a car seat of their own
@ppgcelly
JESUS CHRIST
@hollerarchive
well yes
@beantownmads
and then one of the moms started telling him how good he was with her and the other one was basically like yeah your partner has it very good, huh 👀
@sinbinburner
NOOOOOOO
@leftwinglocks
HELP
@beantownmads
and he got this look like he was mildly offended and went “is just clinic”
@ottbluepaint
AS HE SHOULD
@beantownmads
wait, he said his partner does harder things
@ppgcelly
WHAAAAAAAT
@hollerarchive
OH MY GOD?????
@sinbinburner
activist ilya rozanov has entered the chat
@leftwinglocks
no because that’s SUCH a specific kind of manly offense. like excuse you this is not heroism this is tuesday and also shane works harder than i do
@ottbluepaint
protective and bitchy. extraordinary range
@beantownmads
the moms were all like no, no, of course, but also visibly more into him after that, which i regret to report feels correct
@ppgcelly
HE CAN’T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS
@beantownmads
okay the vibe changed again because now they started praising the baby and he sat up straighter immediately
@ottbluepaint
OF COURSE HE DID
@beantownmads
no literally like one of the moms said she was beautiful and he actually turned her a little on his lap so they could see her better. just fully presenting her to the room
@ppgcelly
SHOW DOG FATHER
@hollerarchive
not him rotating her for display
@beantownmads
YES 😭 and every single nice thing they said he was just like yes. yes, she is.
@sinbinburner
classic roz. disgusting.
@beantownmads
then they noticed the freckles and he got so pleased it was honestly embarrassing. like he personally arranged them
@ottbluepaint
he probably thinks he did
@beantownmads
i swear he does. one of them said she looked very alert and he immediately went yes, she already knows when she is being discussed
@ppgcelly
NOOOOOO
@hollerarchive
not him inventing milestones on the spot 🙃
@beantownmads
completely. then she grabbed her own sock and he went “very strong grip”
@beantownmads
sir she is holding her foot
@sinbinburner
VERY STRONG GRIP
@beantownmads
and because she kept staring at everyone with this dead serious little face he started going on about how she studies people and notices everything
@beantownmads
she is a baby in a waiting room
@leftwinglocks
THIS FOOL 😭
@ottbluepaint
future genius according to one extremely unbiased source
@beantownmads
meanwhile elena is just sitting there blinking at these women 👁️👅👁️ while her father talks her up like she’s having an exceptional season
@ppgcelly
i have tears in my eyes
@beantownmads
one of them said she was so calm and he did this smug little shrug like yes, obviously
@beantownmads
and then two seconds later she let out the loudest screech in the entire hallway
@hollerarchive
PERFECT
@sinbinburner
HUMBLED BY HIS OWN CHILD 😭😭
@beantownmads
best day i’ve had since i started working in this shithole honestly
@ottbluepaint
as it should be
@leftwinglocks
shouldn’t you be working
@beantownmads
don’t piss me off. nurse came out. they’re going in
@nhlspilled
NO KEEP REPORTING 😫
@beantownmads
i’m not following them into the room, some of you were raised in caves
@puckbunnyeaston
booooo
@beantownmads
be serious
@beantownmads
okay well. from the look on his face going in, he seemed more upset about this than little elena did
@ottbluepaint
of course he did
@beantownmads
oh yep there it is. very healthy lungs in there. and, i regret to report, one panicked russian man
@ppgcelly
NOOOOOO
@sinbinburner
he took it worse than she did i know it
@beantownmads
they’re back out
@leftwinglocks
AND?????
@beantownmads
baby cried, obviously. not long, but long enough that ilya looked genuinely stricken
@ottbluepaint
oh no 🥺
@beantownmads
i swear his eyes looked a little red too but that may be me projecting because he looked devastated
@ppgcelly
STOP
@beantownmads
they both look miserable. elena’s all red and snuffly and he’s got her up against his shoulder muttering into her cheek
@sinbinburner
WHAT IS HE SAYING
@beantownmads
caught this part: “i know, moyo zolotko, i know. all done. all done. you were brave.”
@beantownmads
and then, so offended on her behalf “such bandits”
@ottbluepaint
HE SAID WHAT
@beantownmads
i checked a translation app. zolotko is like little treasure / precious apparently
@russiantape
yeah, basically little treasure. very affectionate
@rozanovsleftarm
SUCH BANDITS ABOUT THE NURSES I’M DEAD
@leftwinglocks
not him talking about the medical staff like they jumped her in an alley
@beantownmads
no literally. he looks like he wants to file a complaint while kissing her little face every two seconds
@beantownmads
he is pacing because she’s still sniffling and every time she starts up he kisses her temple and goes “shh, lenochka, papa is here”
@beantownmads
this is sick. this is actually sick.
@bluepaintbruise
shane hollander i know you trusted him but did you have to be so correct
@beantownmads
okay she’s calming down now. hiccup level only. i think she cried herself tired because she’s gone all limp and heavy on his shoulder
@ottbluepaint
oh no :(
@beantownmads
and now he’s dressing her again with this absolutely murderous face like the entire building has personally failed them
@beantownmads
but AT THE SAME TIME he’s apologizing to her in advance for the hat. like “yes, yes, i know. terrible hat. unforgivable. papa is sorry.”
@beantownmads
she seems willing to continue the relationship
@leftwinglocks
SHE SEEMS WILLING TO CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP
@sinbinburner
huge development
@hollerarchive
very generous of her honestly ✊
@beantownmads
all bundled again now. little poochie is calm but fully tucked into him, one fist around his necklace like she’s planning to take it with her if necessary
@ottbluepaint
the necklace grip is killing me
@beantownmads
he said bye to everyone too. very polite. like a normal person. disgusting.
@ppgcelly
he contains multitudes unfortunately
@beantownmads
and they’re leaving
@leftwinglocks
i can’t believe this is over…
@beantownmads
OH but before i go
@beantownmads
tell me why this man brought his daughter for shots in the fucking porsche
@ppgcelly
NO HE DID NOT
@beantownmads
HE DID. i’m watching him fold himself in half on the curb trying to do the baby-bag-buckle situation without knocking her little hat off
@sinbinburner
SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE
@hollerarchive
shane hollander left him alone for one appointment and he still found a way to be embarrassingly himself
@leftwinglocks
not even fatherhood could get that man into a normal car
@ppgcelly
i’m crying because i KNOW he thought this was fine
@sinbinburner
he can’t do one domestic errand without keeping it a little bit slutty
@hollerarchive
finally. balance is restored
@beantownmads
this has been the best shift of my life
@beantownmads
gave me more than a family photo ever would have
@wingspanhollander
exactly. that’s what’s so bad about it
@beantownmads
if they posted a christmas picture i would’ve been less affected than i am by thirty minutes of ilya rozanov being very patient and very in love with his chunky little baby in a waiting room
@roz81daily
the way we lived on airport blur allegations and one suspiciously timed break announcement for MONTHS. this is the first real thing
@rozanovproblem
mads, you should be compensated for your service
@rozanovsleftarm
put her in the hockey hall of fame immediately
@ppgcelly
no literally where is your raise
@ottbluepaint
promotion. corner office. employee of the month. all of it
@hollerarchive
they need to name a wing after you in that clinic
@sinbinburner
worker of the year for live reporting under extreme emotional conditions
@leftwinglocks
get this woman hazard pay RIGHT NOW!! 💵
@wingspanhollander
i’m so serious somebody hand her a plaque
@beantownmads
i accept cash and emotional damages
@ppgcelly
best we can do is group chat sainthood
@ottbluepaint
canonization pending
𓏵
ESPN: Why one quiet Ottawa sighting of Ilya Rozanov with his daughter became the NHL internet’s biggest story of the week...
HockeyNews: Ilya Rozanov seen with daughter at Ottawa pediatric clinic in rare off-ice appearance...
SportsDaily: First public family sighting of Ilya Rozanov fuels fresh reaction to Shane Hollander’s months-long absence...
𓏵
@rinkfeedz
there is now photo confirmation. before anyone starts: babies look different every two weeks anyway. relax.
[attached photo]
ilya rozanov folded into one of those tiny clinic chairs, black coat everywhere, a bundled baby on his lap in a puffy one-piece. her hat has slipped back enough to show dark curls and part of one pink cheek. one small fist is tangled in the chain of his cross. his head is bent down toward her, mouth near her temple, like he’s saying something meant only for her.
@ottbluepaint
THE CURLS ????
@oldmistake81
oh that’s THEIR child beyond dispute
@hollerarchive
delete this actually
@leftwinglocks
yeah no “half her face” is still her face. take it down.
@rinkfeedz
be serious. you can barely see her and every baby on earth looks like this.@clinicethics
that’s not the defense you think it is. photos like this are weird. delete it.
@waitingroommom23
i was there. he spent the whole time talking to her really quietly and rubbing her back before they went in. she only settled once he started pacing with her. very sweet, very patient. also yes, please stop reposting this.
@81inmyveins
the worst part is not even the photo. it’s that he looks like he belongs there.
@shaneleftpost
not celebrity dad. not staged dad. just dad. devastating.
@bluepaintbruise
sorry, this is the same ilya rozanov??? the actual one???
@sinbinburner
hello ?????? DELETE
@shayden4real
all i’m saying is hayden pike would never need a whole waiting room to tell him how to handle a kid
@leftwinglocks
oh my god you people are unbearable@hollerarchive
hayden pike would lose the aftercare sheet before he reached the parking lot
@pucknorth
wasn’t rozanov literally arrested once
@roz81daily
in 2016, after a bar situation that got blown up online, while he was in a horrible place mentally, in a country where he was half operating in his second language. next question@sinbinburner
exactly. and even if i grant “arrested” as a word, some of you use it like he robbed a bank instead of having one spectacularly bad night years ago@bluepaintbruise
okay wait, he’s actually better now though?@81inmyveins
i mean. look at the photo. that is not a man having the same life he had in 2016.@waitingroommom23
for whatever it’s worth, he seemed calm the entire time until she cried. then he looked more upset than she did.@rozanovsleftarm
i don’t know. this actually feels very him somehow.@shayden4real
of course he had to make the whole thing about himself somehow. classic attention seeker.@leftwinglocks
OH MY GOD HERE WE GO
𓏵
@ilyarozanov ✔️
Some of you are too comfortable photographing strangers children.
Lenochka is fine. She was brave, angry, and then forgiving. Her dada talked her through it from far away and will now mention that forever.
You get these because I said so. You get no more because some of you deserve none.
Leave my daughter alone.
[photo 1]
close shot of elena in her car seat, most of her face hidden by the angle and hat, tiny hand positioned into a middle finger that ilya very clearly arranged himself.
[photo 2]
elena on ilya’s lap in a patterned sleeper, both hands around a bottle while ilya holds a glass of vodka off to the side, her face is angled down, only dark curls and one cheek visible.
[photo 3]
bath photo from shane’s angle: ilya crouched by the tub with one forearm under elena’s chest, holding her steady while she peers over the edge. the top half of her face is visible, with a ridiculous little curl styled into a single sprout on top of her head.
[photo 4]
taken by ilya in the middle of shane trying and failing to zip his jeans over the bump. shirt open, belly fully out, one hand yanking at the zipper, already halfway through telling ilya off while he takes the picture anyway.
[video]
phone video from shane’s angle. ilya on the rug with the baby stretched across his legs in some absurd little airplane position, one hand under her belly, the other ready near her side while he gently lifts and lowers her. baby noises somewhere between delight and chaos. curls everywhere.
shane, off camera: “Put her down.”
ilya: “Calm down. Lenusik likes it.”
shane: “If she headbutts the floor, I’m killing you.”
ilya, bouncing her once more just to be annoying: “She will not. Look at her. Natural talent.”
@shanehollander ✔️
was the first one necessary?
@ilyarozanov ✔️
her idea
@haydenpike ✔️
there are safer hobbies
@ilyarozanov ✔️
you have seven children. don’t lecture me about risk.@leftwinglocks
hayden please go take attendance at home and leave us alone
@troybarrett ✔️
ottawa centaurs princess
@ilyarozanov ✔️
🎀👑🩰
@wyatthayes30 ✔️
better hands than most rookies already ✊
@ilyarozanov ✔️
i’ve been saying this
@cliffmarleau ✔️
still weird seeing you act like somebody’s father on purpose
@ilyarozanov ✔️
don’t start
@yunahollander ✔️
She was very brave. Some of these choices are questionable. I still expect more pictures. 💕
@ilyarozanov ✔️
of course mama
@svetavetrova ✔️
i’m still stuck on the fact that you helped produce something this beautiful. deeply unsettling…
@ilyarozanov ✔️
i helped very little. that was mostly shane@svetavetrova ✔️
you are so gone@ilyarozanov ✔️
correct
@roselandry ✔️
She’s so, so cute. That’s all. I have nothing useful to add. Just look at her!
@genfromtheglass
the curl in the bath photo is criminal 🥺
@shaneleftpost
sorry but the bath sprout photo is insane. that is a man deeply unfit for peace and i mean that lovingly 😫
@hollerarchive
“leave my daughter alone” followed by the most unhinged photo set of all time is killing me actually
@ppgcelly
SHANE BEING HERE. PIKE BEING HERE. EVERYONE BEING HERE. I’M UNWELL
@roz81daily
he said leave my daughter alone and then posted the most ilya family photos possible. extraordinary work
𓏵
Shane
I leave you alone for one day.
Ilya
and look, no fires, no damage. you are welcome.
Shane
Ilya.
Ilya
be grateful lenchik and i are not standing in the ruins because we were left alone
Shane
It’s not even a whole day. I’m coming.
Ilya
then come faster
Ilya sends a photo of himself biting Elena’s pudgy cheek.
Shane
That’s low.
Shane
Also are we just skipping over the fact that half the internet has now met our daughter?
Shane
Were some of these photos really necessary?
Shane
The middle finger, Ilya? Really?
Ilya
it is funny
Shane
I’m serious.
Ilya
so am i
Ilya
it captures her spirit
Shane
She doesn’t have a spirit yet. She has gas.
Ilya
very judgmental thing to say about your own child
Shane
You put a vodka glass in frame.
Ilya
she is being raised by two cultures
Shane
Oh my God.
Ilya
yours is boring, this is not my fault
Shane
And the pregnancy one?
Shane
I look terrible in that photo.
Shane
There are stretch marks. My face is awful. You have better ones.
Ilya
i do
Ilya
i posted that one anyway
Shane
Obviously. Why?
Ilya
because you were beautiful
Ilya
because you were carrying her
Ilya
because you were annoyed with me and still letting me touch you
Ilya
i like that photo
Shane
…
Ilya
what
Shane
You can’t say shit like that when I’m not there.
Ilya
mm
Ilya
we made a very good one. we could make another
Shane
Jesus Christ.
Shane
Absolutely not.
Shane
I leave you alone for one day and suddenly you’re starting media incidents and pitching sequels.
Ilya sends another pregnancy photo.
Ilya
you see my problem
Shane
I see you’re not interested in solving it
Ilya
never