Chapter Text
It made him afraid. It made him paranoid. It made him sick to his stomach. It made him wheeze in disparate and utter pain. His mind was confused and shocked. He was in so much pain and screaming for them to stop, but his screams went unheard. Silent.
He was tied up, panting. His eyes covered and his whole body felt on fire. His pelvis numb but shaking. His senses heightened, all he could feel was the cold, disgusting, touch of the clammy hands over his body. He shivered, knowing that calling out to stop wouldn't make the hands stop wandering. His heart in distress and panic, his body convulsing without his consent. He was too young to understand, too young to mourn the loss, too young to do anything.... Then a sharp pain filled his body, making his mind flash through his whole past, forcing him to relive everything that happened in that one day. That one dragged out day.
Lips hovered near his ear, their chapped surface rubbing on his lobe: You are worthless now. No one will love you .
That's when his body convulsed awake. His everything shaking with fear. He sat up and turned on the light beside his bed, he had to know that what he just witnessed was only a dream…. More like a play-by-play of the past.
Hunk shivered, his everything sweating.
I knew the anniversary is coming soon.... but why did I have to just relive it? He thought to himself as he buried his head in his hands. Hunk had not wanted to relive that, he's been trying for so long to forget about it. It took him 9 years to be able to live a normal life, a life not hidden behind food and a smiling mask. It had taken him 9 years to be able to open his heart again, to allow his soul to accept the love of his current boyfriend.
“Hunk, you ok?” Lance asked, waking up beside him his top half unclothed and his bottom only covered by his loose sweat pants.
“I haven't had that nightmare in a year…” Hunk mumbled to himself "Is it really that time already?"
“What?" Lance asked, his ears trying to hear
"It's nothing, Lance."
"It’s…three in the morning, babe…” Lance slurred out.
Last night was a hard night. For everyone. Voltron was ripped apart by Zarkon again. Shiro passed out making Alura freak and Pidge got hurt by being tossed around by them separating. Red ejected Keith for the first time, making Keith get really angry and unstable (even when he got back into Red). Lance was mostly fine, he got a bruised shoulder from the thrashing and a small cut on his hand. Then there was Hunk, the leg of Voltron, one of the supports...He had a meltdown. His lion went offline and he was floating in space aimlessly without contact to the others for hours. He tried everything to get to Lance, to tell him that he was alright, but it didn't work. His lion wouldn't even open up when he thought he landed safely in the castle.
Hunk had time to reflect on the feeling of being alone, the feeling of abandonment… it's the only color that his past can paint.
He had the wave of the familiar color douse him, and drown him as he was alone. That's when he realized that the anniversary was coming up, he only felt this alone and betrayed when it was coming around the corner. He didn't want to deal with it without his mother there to guide his emotions. She was always there with a slice of pie or a bin of ice cream to calm him down. His mother's words did the opposite of her actions, though, telling him to control his emotions, hide them away, put on a smile and act like he's supposed to. But she still did a great deal in helping him be more himself.....
“Come here,” Lance smiled a tired smile and opened his arms for Hunk to embrace. Hunk obliged, wanting nothing but comfort at this point. Hunk buried his head in Lance's chest holding him tightly to himself, “do you want to talk about it?” Lance asked as he ran his hand up and down Hunks back and through his bedhead.
“Not particularly…” Hunk said, his voice muffled
Lance laughed through his nose and started to sing sweet nothings into the air. He had done this a handful of times when Hunk got like this. Lance knew how to comfort Hunk, though when Lance was out of their shared room he was more of an outgoing ass than a mother figure, but he was him nonetheless (and that's what Hunk loved about Lance, that he was acting as himself in every situation).
Before he knew it Hunk had fallen asleep to the sound of Lance singing, and Lance soon drifted off.
--The Next day--
Hunk rolled out of bed. Feeling his eyes puffy from probably crying in his sleep. Even his body knew that this was the anniversary, but he was so confused as to why he was so sensitive this year.
"Hunk, is everything okay?" Lance walked out of the bathroom with his green morning face mask on
"Ya, why?" Hunk smiled, rubbing his eyes trying to hide the fact he had cried
"You were sobbing last night. You thrashed and even kicked me out of the bed." Lance walked up to Hunk, who was noticeably not okay
"It was just a nightmare, everyone has them once in a while." Hunk laughed, smiling
"Alright, but if you want to talk. I'm right here." Lance said, returning to the bathroom to complete his 4-hour beauty session.
Hunk sat on the edge of the bed. He did not want to tell Lance about his past, it was too soon in their relationship for that. It was too soon in their friendship for that. Hunk didn't want anyone to know, he can't let anyone know.
His mother's words rang in his ear:
Smile. Take a deep breath. No one has to know the troubles you bear. You're okay, everything will pass.
The past is in the past, don't let it control the present.
Stifle your emotions, let no one see that you are hurting.
Hunk, my boy, know that you are loved dearly and that everyone around you cherishes you.
But you've said it yourself if they find out those eyes will forever stain them, and they won't be able to look at you the same. If they ever found out they wouldn't help, they wouldn't seek you out anymore. They would abandon you, they would despise you.
Dear, remember to always smile. Smiling is good for the soul. To smile is to be free.
"Be me, and no one else. I'm the best me there is. No one else can be me." Hunk whispered to himself "Today is just another day. I will do my part, I will not let these emotions affect me. I will be the leg of Voltron, I will help hold the team up. I will be the support for them. I will help carry the burden so that they don't have to. I will pilot Yellow. I will smile, I will laugh, and I will fight through this. Because no matter what happened in the past, is just that, in the past. It has helped mold me, it has helped make me who I am. But I don't have to face him ever again. I don't have to think of him. I am millions of light years from his touch. I'll just be here, life in the moment. Be me and no one else. Breathe. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. I am...... loved."