Archive of Our Own

Yushi shifts uncomfortably on his feet, the rubber soles of his shoes squeaking faintly against the gym floor. Around him, his classmates are already pairing up, hands slipping easily into one another’s as they shuffle into a wide, uneven circle at the center of the court.

It’s P.E. time, which means group activities. 

He lingers a few steps away from the forming circle, arms tucked behind his back, fingers twisting together so tightly his knuckles start to ache and keeps his head down.

“Yushi,” the sensei calls gently, noticing the empty gap. “Why are you not a part of the circle?”

Everyone immediately turns their head to him and the sudden attention makes his stomach drop. He can feel his ears burn. His palms immediately feel even worse than they already did—warm, clammy in that awful way he hates. He blinks too fast, eyes darting everywhere except at the sensei and his classmates, including the giant obvious space where he’s supposed to be standing.

Say something. Anything!! 

But his mouth opens and nothing comes out.

“Join us, Yuu-chan!”

Yushi looks up despite himself.

The bright, cheery voice is from Kim Jaehee. The Korean kid. The one who skipped a grade because he’s apparently some kind of genius. The one who transferred to their school in Tokyo because his parents work here now. The one who smiles all the time, even when nobody’s talking to him.

The one who, for some reason, keeps calling him Yuu-chan.

He frowns. They’re not close, and they don’t sit together, and they definitely don’t talk much. They’ve never played together outside of class.

And also—Yushi is older. By a whole year!

So why is this kid using a nickname like that?

Jaehee steps closer and stretches his arm out, palm open, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Yushi shakes his head.

Because how is he supposed to explain…? How is he supposed to tell him that his hands sweat too much? That no matter how many times he washes them, or wipes them on his pants, or rubs them together, they still end up warm and damp and gross?

Nobody likes holding sweaty hands. It’s uncomfortable.

He doesn’t like it either. 

So why would anyone else?

A few kids shift impatiently. He hears someone let out a quiet sigh. The circle is still broken because of him, and Yushi can feel how he’s becoming a problem, he’s being difficult without even trying to be.

And Jaehee still hasn’t pulled his hand away.

He doesn’t look annoyed like the other kids. Or confused. He just keeps standing there, eyes wide and bright, nodding his head encouragingly like this is the best thing ever. His smile is crooked with snaggletooth peeking out.

He looks… kind of dumb.

Fine.

Before he can overthink it, he quickly wipes his palms against the back of his track pants. It doesn’t really help, but he pretends it does. He takes a deep breath. Then he reaches out and closes his hand around Jaehee’s. It's warm and soft.

And… Jaehee doesn’t pull away? Yet…?

Instead, his smile somehow gets even bigger, fingers curling gently around Yushi’s hand like it’s nothing. Like sweaty palms aren’t a big deal. 

Yushi looks away, cheeks burning. But he doesn’t let go either. 

He has no idea what happens next. The sensei is giving out directions, he knows that much. But none of the words actually register in his brain. Because he’s stuck between two people. On his left is a girl whose name he definitely learned at some point. And on his right is Jaehee.

He doesn’t know how many minutes have passed but it feels too long already since they’ve started holding hands. He tells himself it’s only because of the girl. He can’t make a girl uncomfortable. That would be bad, his mother said so. That would make him a bad person.

So obviously, if someone has to suffer through his gross, clammy hands, it should be Jaehee.

Because Jaehee is the one who asked for it.

Yes! That makes more sense.

Except none of it helps. Because all of Yushi’s attention is locked onto the place where their hands are joined. He keeps silently begging his palms to behave.

It’s not fair, really. 

He doesn’t even sweat like this when he plays soccer. He runs around for an entire match and he’s fine. His body can function normally.

It’s just his hands have always been a problem. They’ve always been like this. A little bit too warm, and damp… 

He sneaks a glance down at their fingers. He swallows hard and flicks his gaze up to Jaehee’s face next, searching for any sign. A grimace or a wrinkle of the nose. Anything that says, ew, gross.

But there’s none…

Jaehee is shorter than him—obviously, because he’s younger and Yushi is older—and he’s busy laughing at something happening across the circle. His eyes crinkle,completely absorbed in whatever chaos their classmates are causing.

He doesn’t look uncomfortable and he doesn’t look like he’s even noticed. Yushi hopes that means Jaehee hasn’t caught him staring.

His feet shuffle against the floor, and his grip tighten and loosen without him realising it.

This is bad. 

“Jaehee.” His voice comes out smaller than he wants it to.

The younger is still laughing when he turns his head. “Yes, Yuu-chan?”

He scowls immediately. “Don’t call me Yuu-chan.”

Jaehee just blinks at him, still smiling.

“And,” Yushi adds quickly, heat rushing to his face, “can you let go of my hand now?”

“Why? Sensei hasn’t said anything about letting go yet.”

“He’s not looking. You can let go.”

Surprisingly, Jaehee only shrugs. “Okay.”

And when he lets go, the sudden lack of warmth makes Yushi’s hand feel only ten times worse. So he immediately clenches his fingers into a fist as panic flaring in his chest. It feels wet, like someone poured water all over his skin. He winces and rubs his hand hard against his track pants like he can scrub the feeling away. It doesn’t work, obviously.

So he decides to keep his eyes glued to the floor for the rest of class. He doesn’t dare to look at Jaehee again, and Jaehee doesn’t say anything either.

And the part that sticks in Yushi’s brain the most is how he hasn’t seen Jaehee wipe his hand on his pants, or shirt, or any part of his clothes at all. 

It makes him feel… strange.

-

The next day, Yushi arrives at school later than usual because he stayed up studying, and his head is already pounding from lack of sleep. He can practically imagine the stares waiting for him. Because his classmates are nosy like that. So when he slides the classroom door open, he braces himself.

Except… no one is looking at him. Instead, every single person in the room is staring at the same spot. Confused, Yushi follows their gazes, his eyes traveling across rows of desks until they land on Jaehee.

Jaehee, who is sitting in the chair next to Yushi’s. His brain short-circuits for a moment. Because Tokuno Yushi never has a seat partner. Ever. 

Some people might look at that and think he’s a loner. Someone without friends. Sad and pathetic and quietly miserable. Which is not true! He has friends. He has Riku! But Riku just happens to be in another class and in a different grade! 

And yes, Yushi doesn’t really like his classmates enough to consider them friends, but that doesn’t mean he’s lonely. He’s perfectly fine sitting by himself.

More than fine, actually. He likes not having to worry about other people invading his space.

So then why is Jaehee sitting there?

And not only that, why does he look completely unbothered by the obvious attention he’s getting? While half the class is openly staring, Jaehee is bent over his notebook, writing something down like this is the most normal thing in the world. Like that seat has always been his.

It makes him stand frozen near the door for a second too long.

Then Jaehee looks up, and the moment their eyes meet, the other’s face immediately brightens. He lifts his hand and gives a small wave in Yushi’s direction, his snaggletooth peeking out with that same stupid smile.

Yushi only frowns harder.

So he keeps his head down as he walks to his desk, painfully aware that now all the attention has shifted from Jaehee to him instead.

Great.

He drops his bag onto his chair and slides into his seat, very pointedly not looking at the boy beside him, while doing his absolute best to pretend that his palms aren’t already starting to feel warm.

Whatever. It’s nothing. 

Well, it’s something actually. Because in the middle of class, Yushi has been trying very hard not to pay attention to the kid sitting next to him.

And it is in fact, not going well. He can feel Jaehee’s presence too clearly. Every small movement from the other, shifting in his seat, the quiet tap of his shoe against the desk leg—registers in Yushi’s brain whether he wants it to or not.

It’s distracting, annoying and stupid. 

It’s math class, and the sensei is busy writing equations across the chalkboard. And Yushi is busy trying to catch up with him. 

Until a folded piece of paper suddenly slides into his peripheral vision. He stares at it for a moment before he sighs and opens it.

u want to go get snacks together later? :0

He folds the paper back up and slides it straight back to Jaehee. He hopes that kid understands the sign clearly. 

Or maybe not. Because the paper is back not even after a minute. 

is that a yes? ~0~

Yushi clicks his tongue quietly, irritation bubbling up in his chest. He turns his head just enough to glare at Jaehee, shakes his head once, and shoves the note back across the desk.

It takes maybe just ten seconds this time.

but why? t___t

Yushi exhales through his nose. He crumples the paper in his fist and finally turns toward Jaehee, eyes narrowed. “There’s no why. I just don’t like snacks.”

That’s a lie because Yushi loves food. He just doesn’t want to go with Jaehee, is all. 

“Then what would you like, Yuu-chan?”

“For you to leave me alone. And stop calling me that.”

The words may come out harsher than Yushi intended and he realises it immediately with the way Jaehee’s face flickers, something like hurt flashing across his expression so fast Yushi almost convinces himself he imagined it.

Almost, because then, Jaehee smiles again.

“I won’t leave you alone. And why can’t I call you Yuu-chan? I heard Riku-kun calling you that.”

“First of all, you’re not Riku,” Yushi only frowns harder. “Secondly, why?”

“There’s no why either. I just want to be friends with you,” Jaehee says, parroting Yushi’s own words. His glasses are slightly crooked, sliding down the bridge of his nose.

It makes him look stupid. Yushi opens his mouth, to tell him exactly that—

“Excuse me, Tokuno and Kim.”

He swallows it all down. 

“What are the two of you talking about at the back? Want to share it with the whole class?”

Yushi shakes his head quickly and drops his gaze to his desk, heat crawling up his neck. “No, sensei.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jaehee bite back a smile. He frowns at the younger again while unconsciously wipes his hands against his pants.

Weirdo.

Since he stayed up far too late the night before, Yushi doesn’t feel hungry at all. He just wants to sleep forever. So when the bell rings for recess, he doesn’t bother standing up.

He watches vaguely as chairs scrape backward, as bags are slung over shoulders, as his classmates pour out of the classroom in loud clusters, already arguing about what they want to buy and who they’re going with.

And then he keeps his gaze fixed on his desk. Because that kid is staring at him. Like Jaehee is waiting for Yushi to acknowledge him again. 

But Yushi pretends he doesn’t notice anyway, he only lowers his head onto his folded arms and lets his eyes close.

When he wakes up, it’s to the soft hum of voices drifting through the room, light and airy and very much not meant for him. Girls from his class have already returned, chatting near the windows, their laughter blending together into a background noise.

He lifts his head slowly, eyelids heavy, vision blurred, and a faint crease left behind on his cheek from the hard surface of the desk.

He hates how he immediately looks at the empty seat beside him after that. Then his eyes drift to a carton of milk and a cream bun on top of his desk, next to him while he was sleeping earlier, still wrapped and untouched.

There’s also a folded note sitting on top.

eat well yuu-chan!!

It doesn’t make him smile, but it doesn’t make him scoff at it either. He just sits there, staring at the bun, at the milk, at the stupid handwriting, with that same strange, unfamiliar feeling blooming quietly in his chest.

And before he knows it, this Korean boy is about to be the most important person in his life.

-

Kim Jaehee walked into Yushi’s life when he was nine years old and Yushi was ten, all bright smiles and stubborn persistence. Now they’re sixteen and seventeen, and somewhere along the way they’ve become so inseparable that people rarely say one name without the other following right behind it. It’s ridiculous, honestly. If someone had told ten-year-old Yushi that the annoying transfer student with the crooked glasses and snaggletooth would become the person he sees every single day, he would have laughed in their face.

Back then, he was convinced Riku would be his one and only best friend forever. They live next to each other. Their mothers are best friends so that’s only natural, right? 

And then Jaehee just… popped out of nowhere and decided that Yushi would be his friend. Best friend at that.

It’s not like Yushi didn’t try to stop it, either. He remembers telling Jaehee to leave him alone more than once, remembers crumpling notes and pretending not to hear that bright voice calling him Yuu-chan across the classroom.

But Jaehee never left that chair beside him after that first day. Not once. And he kept buying him bread and milk during recess, as if he had an endless allowance to spend on a boy who very clearly did not want to be his friend. Looking back, it’s almost embarrassing how determined Jaehee was, how shamelessly consistent.

And somewhere between the notes and the snacks and the waiting, Yushi stopped pushing away. He doesn’t remember the exact moment he gave in. There wasn’t a grand confession or a dramatic apology. He just… stopped rejecting, and started accepting. One day he found himself walking home with Jaehee without questioning it. Another day he realised he was saving a seat for him without thinking.

And now here they are.

Yushi can’t even remember the last time there was a full day where he didn’t see Jaehee at all. The boy follows him everywhere, not in an overbearing way, but faithful. When Yushi has a soccer tournament in another town, Jaehee shows up in the stands with a bottle of water and that same snaggletooth grin, cheering louder than anyone else. When they’re signing up for clubs and Yushi feels his nerves creeping up his spine, he finds himself admitting it without meaning to.

The younger doesn’t tease him for it. He just takes Yushi’s hands. He holds them firmly, thumbs brushing over his palms in slow, absentminded motions, as if reminding him that it’s okay to be nervous.

And somewhere along the years, Yushi realises he doesn’t hate it as much anymore.

The sweaty palms, or the touching. Because the younger is always there, casually holding or squeezing them like it doesn’t matter, like it has never mattered. The old habit of aggressively rubbing his palms against his pants fades without Yushi even noticing, replaced by something a lot more softer and warmer.

Now, whenever his hands start to feel damp, Jaehee simply catches them mid-motion and laces their fingers together instead.

“Yushi hyung!”

He’s pulled out of his own head by the familiar voice, and when he turns toward it, Jaehee is already running across the courtyard with that wide, unguarded smile that makes people instinctively move out of his way.

Right.

Yushi is waiting for him at the school gate because his class was dismissed early, and the two of them are supposed to walk home together. It’s not something they ever discussed or formally agreed on; it just became routine at some point. Jaehee slows down when he reaches him, slightly out of breath but still smiling like he hasn’t just sprinted across half the school.

He doesn’t call him Yuu-chan anymore. That stopped after Parents’ Gathering Day, when Jaehee’s mother overheard him chirping the nickname in the hallway and scolded him for being disrespectful to someone older. Since then, it’s been Yushi hyung.

He would never admit it out loud, but sometimes he misses Yuu-chan…

Still, the way Jaehee says hyung makes something warm settle in his chest, so he doesn’t complain. Instead, he huffs and crosses his arms. “You’re so late. I was bored.”

The other rubs the back of his neck, laughing sheepishly. He looks so dumb when he does that, all awkward. “Well… someone was holding me back, hehe.”

Yushi raises an eyebrow. “Your homeroom teacher?”

The younger shakes his head.

And why is his face turning red? His ears are tinted, and he keeps scratching his head like he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. His eyes dart everywhere except at Yushi, and the little chuckle that escapes him sounds forced.

Is he… shy?

Yushi frowns. “Don’t tell me then—”

“UhHinasenpaigavemechocolates.”

“What?”

Jaehee squeezes his eyes shut, as if repeating it physically hurts him. “Hina-senpai gave me chocolates…”

“Oh.”

Yes. Oh.

The word hangs there between them. Around them, the wind rustles through the trees lining the school entrance. Students weave past in clusters, laughing, calling out goodbyes, heading toward buses or bikes or waiting parents. But the two of them remain standing at the gate, facing each other as Yushi feels something tight and uncomfortable coil in his chest, though he refuses to examine it too closely. It’s ridiculous to react over chocolates. People give chocolates all the time. It doesn’t mean anything.

Right?

He snaps himself out of it before his face betrays him and forces a shrug, turning on his heels so Jaehee won’t see whatever expression he’s failing to control.

“Okay,” he says, aiming for nonchalance. His backpack suddenly feels heavier against his shoulders.

“What do you mean by okay, hyung?” Jaehee asks, immediately catching up to him and doing what he always does—sliding his hand into Yushi’s like it belongs there.

Yushi thinks his palm is a little damp from that new information, but he can’t really tell. He’s too busy thinking.

Hina-senpai is in her last year. She dotes on Jaehee because they’re both in the music club, because she sings while Jaehee plays the piano, because she stands a little too close to him during rehearsals and laughs at things that aren’t that funny. Of course she would give him chocolates. Everyone in that damn school knows she has a huge crush on him, even if she’s never confessed it outright. Of course it’s okay.

And Jaehee… Yushi doesn’t know if he feels the same, but he thinks it’s stupid. Everything is.

And now he wants to push Jaehee’s hand away.

But Jaehee has a firm grip on him, like he expects Yushi to do exactly that. So Yushi looks up at him—since when did Jaehee get this tall?! Yushi used to be taller than him! Now the younger is towering over him all the time with those broad shoulders…—and pouts before grumbling, “Let go.”

“No,” Jaehee pouts back. “Why are you upset now?”

“Who says I’m upset?” Yushi frowns harder.

Jaehee looks at him pointedly. So Yushi whines under his breath, slips out of Jaehee’s hold, and walks faster.

It’s not long before he feels fingers wrapping around his again anyway.

“How do I make this up to you, hyung?” Jaehee sounds almost sad. Ugh.

Reject her. Now. So she’ll stop all this nonsense and no one can take you away from me.

But all of that goes unsaid, and Yushi only glares at him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Hyung!”

So the thing is, Yushi is stubborn. And it’s not entirely his fault, okay? He used to be able to be by himself, and yeah, Riku is his best friend, but they didn’t spend twenty-four seven together. But Jaehee… Jaehee is a different case. Jaehee is at his house almost every weekend, sprawled across his bed or stealing snacks from the kitchen. Sometimes Yushi sleeps over at Jaehee’s instead, their bags tossed in corners like they live in both houses equally. They study together, practice together, walk to school together. It’s been years since Yushi can remember making that walk alone without someone bumping shoulders with him or anything similar to that.

And they’re at that age now where teenagers are interested in love, and yeah, they’re both two handsome boys who grew up well and happen to be active in school activities and happen to be a duo as well. So it’s not an unfamiliar thing for this whole crush situation to happen.

But Yushi makes sure none of his admirers can come close to him, alright? He doesn’t like it. He prefers being called the ice prince or whatever they want to call him, as long as they leave him alone.

For Jaehee, however, he’s the prince charming. He knows how to play instruments, he can sing, and he’s kind to everyone. Too kind, actually. All the teachers and staff love him, and of course every other student loves him as well… and he’s just bad at saying no.

The prince charming and the ice prince just happen to be best friends too.

Just their luck.

So to say Yushi is… a little protective is understandable, alright? And maybe a little jealous. He doesn’t want to share Jaehee with the other kids.

They can find their own Jaehee.

-

It’s on a Sunday, when Yushi is lying on his stomach, solving math questions, with Jaehee on the other side of the room, swinging his legs off the edge of Yushi’s bed, watching him from afar, that Yushi feels his stomach curl for the first time ever in his life. And it’s all because of,

“I think I want to… try dating.”

He wishes Jaehee had said it in the middle of school hours. Or at his soccer practice. Or after Jaehee’s piano stage. Somewhere there would be noise, somewhere Yushi could convince himself he misheard it.

But no.

They’re in Yushi’s house. In his room. And they haven’t spoken a word to each other in ten minutes because he is focusing on his work while Jaehee… has been doing some thinking. Which apparently leads to this.

He pauses his pencil. He doesn’t need to look to know Jaehee isn’t looking at him, so he doesn’t want to look at Jaehee either.

“Really?”

The younger only hums. So Yushi waits for him to say something else.

But he never does.

Yushi frowns, sits up, and turns toward the bed, only to find Jaehee already lying on his back, staring at the ceiling like he’s fallen deep into his thoughts again. “Jaehee…?”

Jaehee hums again.

He considers ignoring his friend and shakes his head. Maybe he did mishear. So he picks up his pencil again.

But then Jaehee speaks.

“Is it too overrated for a theme park date?”

What?

“…You’re being serious?” is what he says instead.

Jaehee finally meets his eyes and smiles sheepishly. “Well… I’ve been thinking about it, that’s all.”

“With who?”

“Who else?”

He immediately jumps onto the bed, which makes Jaehee jolt a little, but Yushi’s heart is racing too fast for him to care.

“Hina-senpai?”

Jaehee’s eyes crinkle again as he looks away. “Yeah.”

It makes him blink dumbly.

It takes him a few seconds, seconds that stretch into something unbearably close to minutes, before he manages to speak again. “So… you’re going to say yes?”

“I think so,” Jaehee admits. “She… confessed last Friday… and I didn’t want to keep avoiding it forever, you know.”

“Do you like her?” he asks, because apparently Yushi has a talent for asking questions that hurt him the most.

The younger still isn’t looking at him, his voice softer now, almost thoughtful. “I don’t know yet, hyung. But I want to try.”

Yushi attempts to swallow, but the motion scrapes painfully down his throat, so he clears it instead and lets out a laugh that sounds wrong even to his own ears. “So grown up now, huh? Don’t be a player, Jaehee.”

He pushes himself to his feet and begins gathering his books and pencils from the floor, his heartbeat pounding hard enough that he can feel it in his fingertips. All at once, the idea of meeting Jaehee’s eyes feels impossible. His palms have never felt this damp before.

So he does his old habit and drags them against his pants, rough and repetitive, until the friction starts to sting.

“I’m gonna get water,” he says and turns toward the door, forcing himself not to slam it.

But not before his gaze catches on the photobooth strip resting on his study table. It’s from Everland, last year, when they went after the year end exam. They were both still in their school uniforms, plastic headbands perched on their hair because Jaehee insisted it was a must to have it on. 

And now Jaehee wants to do a theme park date with his… potential lover? 

Fine. Whatever. 

He finds it strangely difficult to look Jaehee in the eye after that conversation, so he ends up feeling almost grateful when his mother calls from downstairs, telling him that the Kim family has called and wants their youngest son to come home early because the family is going out for dinner. 

But once the door closes behind Jaehee and the house falls quiet again, the peace he thought he would get never actually comes. Instead, restlessness settles under his skin, spreading through his chest in a way that makes it hard to focus on anything else, because what does Jaehee mean he wants to date? Didn’t they agree they would only think about things like that in college? 

It had never been a serious promise, more like one of those casual understandings that formed naturally between them whenever their friends started obsessing over romance again. Someone would bring up first kisses, first loves, first dates, and Yushi and Jaehee would exchange the same look across the table every single time, equal parts unimpressed and vaguely disgusted, silently asking each other why everyone else seemed so desperate to grow up all of a sudden. They never cared. 

Or at least, Yushi thought they didn’t…

Unlike their friends, who were constantly caught up in who liked who, who confessed to whom, who was dating, who broke up, Yushi and Jaehee had always existed slightly outside of that world, content with their routines, their shared habits, their automatic togetherness that never needed to be questioned or defined.

But now Jaehee is going to go on a first date, and the thought refuses to sit properly in his head no matter how many times he tries to force it there. He keeps imagining things without meaning to, like the moment Jaehee accepted her confession, what his expression might have looked like, whether he smiled that soft, crinkly-eyed smile he usually reserved for Yushi, and once the images start, they only get worse. 

Because now he’s picturing Jaehee walking beside her after school, their shoulders brushing. Or Jaehee laughing with her somewhere private, being alone with her in ways that had always, until now, belonged only to Yushi. The idea wedges itself into his chest like a dagger because of course they would hold hands, and Hina’s hands wouldn’t be sweaty. They would be normal! Warm, dry, and comfortable! Nothing like Yushi’s clammy palms that Jaehee had spent years getting used to, years reassuring, years intertwining with his without hesitation. 

They would probably take pictures too, a lot of them, and Hina wouldn’t be awkward the way Yushi always was, never quite knowing where to look or what to do unless Jaehee was the one leaning into him first and making him laugh. She would look natural, pretty, like she belonged there beside him, and before Yushi can stop himself, an ugly thought rises in his mind that maybe she does. 

He presses the heel of his hand against his chest, frowning when his heartbeat refuses to slow down, telling himself over and over that this is ridiculous, that it’s just dating, that people do it all the time, that Jaehee is allowed to date whoever he wants. The logic makes perfect sense in his head, yet it does nothing to ease the uncomfortable tightness spreading through his ribs, because no matter how he tries to frame it, the feeling remains the same, as if something that had always been his without question is quietly being taken away from him, and he doesn’t even know when it started to matter this much.

So Yushi moves before he can think too hard about how embarrassing this whole situation actually is. The restlessness sitting in his chest needs somewhere to go, somewhere that isn’t his own room filled with memories of his own best friend, so his feet carry him automatically toward the house next door, the Maedas’ place, the same route he has taken since he was small enough to hop over the low fence instead of using the gate. Surprisingly, Riku is the one who opens the door. He has wired earphones tangled around his neck, one still hanging from his ear, and he immediately frowns the moment he sees Yushi standing there like some kind of lost kitten.

“Where’s your mom?” Yushi asks, trying to sound casual even though he’s already stepping inside without waiting for permission.

“In the kitchen. Why are you here?” Riku asks, suspicion written all over his face in that blunt way he has never bothered to hide.

He hesitates for half a second, suddenly aware that this might indeed be stupid, that he doesn’t even know what he came here to say, but Riku huffs impatiently before he can overthink it and grabs his wrist, dragging him down the hallway until they’re inside Riku’s bedroom with the door nudged shut behind them. Yushi has been here thousands of times; the space feels as familiar as his own. Posters cover the walls in a way that somehow still looks intentional instead of messy—volleyball players mid-spike, Haikyuu, album covers from bands Riku has been obsessed with for years, a shelf lined with neatly arranged trophies and medals. Yushi would never say it out loud, but he has always thought Riku is the coolest person ever, and he looks up to him a lot. 

But then Yushi notices something unfamiliar sitting on the nightstand. His eyes narrow immediately.

“No way, Kuu-nii.”

“What—” Riku’s expression changes in an instant, eyes widening as he follows Yushi’s gaze, and then he lunges forward in a panic to grab the object, but Yushi is faster. He snatches it first, holding it up between his fingers, and gasps dramatically.

“Isn’t this—”

“No, it’s not—!”

“Are you dating that Sion guy?!” he screeches.

“Quiet!” The older snaps, looking genuinely pained as he yanks the pendant back out of Yushi’s hand and clutches it.

Yushi stares at him, waiting, and when the older only sighs heavily and pulls his earphones off completely, his suspicion immediately feels confirmed. “Wow.”

Oh Sion is hardly a stranger. He’s the senpai from Riku’s volleyball club, the one who used to come over sometimes after practice to study with them, always bringing extra snacks, even after he’d graduated from high school and should’ve been flying back to his hometown, Mokpo, Korea. Yushi recognizes the pendant instantly because Sion wears the matching one, a simple metal cross from chrome hearts, something he’d heard them talking about a few months ago. At the time, Yushi had assumed it was just another one of those club bonding things athletes did.

Apparently not.

Riku rubs the back of his neck, looking unusually awkward, which only makes the situation feel more surreal.

“Don’t make it a big deal Yuu-chan,” he mutters.

He only blinks at the older slowly. “You too?”

The other turns to him immediately, eyes widening in confusion. “What do you mean by that? Are you dating as well?”

“No,” he says quickly, shaking his head before letting himself fall backward onto Riku’s bed without invitation. The mattress dips under his weight, familiar enough that he doesn’t even think about it, and a second later Riku drops down beside him anyway, close enough that their shoulders bump. “But Jaehee is. Or will. Whatever.”

“Hina, is it?”

It has Yushi stares up at the ceiling for a moment from the name, irritation flickering through him before he can stop it. Is it really that obvious to everyone with functioning eyes that Hina is the perfect match for Jaehee? That she fits neatly into a space Yushi never even realised could be filled by someone else? He tries not to roll his eyes, but fails miserably, the motion exaggerated enough that Riku snorts under his breath. He doesn’t trust his voice not to sound annoyed, so he only hums in response.

“Is that why you’re here?”

“Maybe.”

The answer comes out quieter than Yushi expects, and he frowns slightly at himself because that doesn’t even explain anything. The thing is, Riku is technically an adult now—he just turned eighteen— and he’s dating Sion, who is older than him by a year, and somehow that fact alone makes Riku feel more qualified to exist in this situation than Yushi does. Riku has always been the… mature one between them anyway, the one who thinks things through, the one who notices what’s going on before Yushi does. Meanwhile, Yushi still doesn’t even know why he came here in the first place. He just knows the feeling in his chest wouldn’t calm down, and his feet carried him somewhere familiar before his brain could catch up.

For a moment, neither of them speaks. Then Riku nudges his shoulder lightly. “So what’s the problem?”

He hesitates, lips pressing together, because that’s the question he doesn’t have an answer to. Jaehee is allowed to date. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s normal. Expected, even. Yet the thought of Jaehee holding someone else’s hand, laughing with someone else, choosing someone else to spend his time with keeps looping in his mind.

“I don’t know. It’s just… weird.”

“And why is that?”

He wishes Riku would stop asking questions like that, stop peeling at something Yushi himself hasn’t even figured out how to name. He shifts slightly on the bed, fingers curling into the sheets as he searches for an answer that doesn’t exist.

“I don’t know,” is what he finally settles on, because it’s easier than admitting anything else.

Riku hums thoughtfully and falls quiet for a moment, and Yushi almost believes the interrogation is over. But then Riku says, almost casually, “I think they’d look good together.”

It has Yushi sitting up abruptly, frowning as he turns to stare at him. And feeling upset. Why does it feel like Riku isn’t on his side? Why does it feel like he’s siding with Jaehee—or worse, with Hina? The thought irritates him more than it should, a strange sense of betrayal blooming in his chest.

“No, they don’t.”

He must have sounded far more bitter than he intended, because Riku bursts into laughter almost instantly as he leans back against the headboard. “Yuu-chan,” he wheezes, wiping at the corner of his eyes, “you’re so fucking jealous.”

“I’m not!” 

“You so are!” the older insists, still laughing. “If you had claws, you’d be scratching my face off right now.”

That only makes Yushi more irritated. Heat rushes to his cheeks, and he huffs loudly, crossing his arms over his chest as if physically containing the emotion might make it disappear. The denial sits on his tongue, ready to be thrown again, but something about the way Riku is looking at him makes it harder to say with conviction.

Because if this isn’t jealousy, then what is it? He really doesn’t want to know, unfortunately.

“Then what? You’re going to stop him from going on that date? From dating her?” Riku asks after Yushi pointedly refuses to look at his face.

He wants to say yes. But even he knows how ridiculous that would sound. He’s not Jaehee’s… guardian or whatever. He’s just a friend. He’s not entitled to decide who Jaehee dates. The thought alone makes him feel dramatic, almost childish, and he hates that it still lingers anyway. 

“…Of course I can’t do that. It’s just—”

“I’m listening,” Riku says, and this time there’s no teasing in his voice.

Yushi exhales slowly and finally turns toward him, only to find Riku already holding his arms open in silent invitation. The gesture is so familiar that Yushi doesn’t hesitate to lean forward and practically dives into the embrace, burying his face into Riku’s shoulder like he’s seven and Riku is eight years old again and the biggest problem in the world is losing a toy. Riku smells like laundry detergent and something faintly citrus, and Yushi lets himself stay there for a moment longer than he probably should.

“It’s just that… Jaehee will spend more time with her once they’re in a relationship. Because obviously. Couples do this and that together. They go out. They text all night. They share things.” He pauses, fingers curling into Riku’s shirt. “But then what about me?”

“I’m here? For you?” 

Yushi slaps his arm without lifting his head. “You are graduating. And you’re dating Oh Sion.”

Riku laughs. “Yushi, Jaehee would not leave your side just because he’s someone else’s boyfriend.”

Someone else’s boyfriend.

The phrase echoes in Yushi’s mind in a way he doesn’t like.

“You don’t know that,” he insists, finally pulling back enough to look at him. “He’s a gentleman. He has such nice manners and he’s too kind to everyone. He’d be such a good boyfriend. He’d make time, and try hard to be one. He’d do everything right.”

He doesn’t notice the way Riku’s eyebrow slowly lifts. “You think so?” 

Yushi nods without hesitation.

“Then maybe you’re underestimating how much effort he puts into you. No need to spiral over something that hasn’t even happened yet. It’s not official. What if Jaehee decides not to go at the last minute?”

“That’s impossible,” He says immediately. “Jaehee would never do that to someone.”

The older studies him for a second before responding. “But he would do it for you, believe me.”

He pretends not to hear that. He closes his eyes instead, to quiet the implication tucked inside those words, and focuses on Riku’s arms rather than the uncomfortable realization slowly forming in his chest.

-

Yushi crouches to tie his shoelaces, fingers working slower than usual because the air is biting and his hands feel stiff. When he’s done, he dusts off his pants, slings his backpack over one shoulder, and steps out of the house. It's still dark outside, the sky hasn’t softened into blue yet. There's no actual reason for him to leave this early. No particular reason at all. It definitely has nothing to do with the fact that today is Jaehee's first date.

The gate clicks shut behind him, and the cold wind hits his face hard enough to make his eyes sting. He went to bed late, and he can already feel the exhaustion catching up to him. He has school, then practice, and he already knows the day is going to drag. Still, he keeps walking with hands shoved into his pockets. For some reason, it feels lonely. 

He's so used to walking to school with Jaehee that his body almost turns automatically toward the familiar waiting spot in front of his house. In the mornings, they don’t talk much, because Yushi doesn’t like talking before the sun is fully up, and Jaehee never pushes him to. They just walk side by side, shoulders nearly touching, arms brushing every now. Their morning walks are usually quiet, but it’s a comfortable quiet. So if no words are exchanged, then it should feel the same, right? it should feel normal. Then why does it feel different today? 

He texted Jaehee the moment he woke up, telling him not to stop by today, that he’d go alone. Jaehee hasn’t replied yet, so Yushi assumes he’s still asleep. He turns the corner near the old convenience store where they like to buy ice cream after school, adjusting the strap of his backpack, when he feels someone suddenly pats him on the back. 

“Good morning, hyung!” 

It’s no other than Jaehee, and he’s wearing that smile, snaggletooth on full display, a little crooked charm that Yushi silently hopes never disappears behind braces. 

For a long moment, Yushi just blinks at him, and before he can stop himself, he blurts, “Why are you here?”

Jaehee frowns slightly, tilting his head. “I can’t be here?”

“That’s not what I mean…” 

“I didn’t want you to walk alone. So I rushed to get ready after I saw your text,” the younger shrugs.

The way Jaehee says it has something in Yushi's chest skip a beat, it makes his stomach flutter unpleasantly, and he wants to look away but can’t quite bring himself to do it.

“I thought you were still asleep…”

“Hehe, I was trying to catch you. I didn’t have time to reply. Sorry, hyung,” Jaehee says as he does what he usually does whenever he’s feeling awkward—scratching the back of his head. 

Yushi hums nonchalantly, and starts walking, ignoring the heat rising through him that has nothing to do with the cold breeze, and might have something to do with his best friend’s presence. 

He snaps out of it when he feels Jaehee’s hand slides into his. The warmth of the younger’s hand against his own is ridiculously comforting, and yet terrifyingly invasive, because it reminds him in one small, undeniable moment of how much he relies on this boy without ever admitting it, even to himself.

Would jaehee really do anything for him, like riku said?

Whatever the answer is, Yushi doesn’t pull away. 

The day passes in a blur. Yushi barely registers the lectures, the scratch of chalk against the board, or the low chatter of classmates whispering behind their textbooks. Because they’re not in the same class this year, he doesn’t see Jaehee at all unless it’s before school or after, unless they deliberately meet during recess and walk to the cafeteria together like they always do in the previous years. 

So Yushi stays in his classroom when the bell rings, slumping forward onto his desk the second most of his classmates file out. He tells himself he’s tired, which isn’t entirely untrue. He presses his cheek against his folded arms and closes his eyes, pretending that the muffled laughter drifting in from the hallway doesn’t bother him. 

Unfortunately, he can’t pretend or stop his own brain from supplying images he doesn’t want to see. Like how there’s suddenly images of Jaehee sitting across from Hina-senpai in the cafeteria, tray pushed aside slightly so he can lean forward, listening with that attentive expression. Hina laughing at something he says, her hair falling over her shoulder as she tucks it behind her ear. Love emojis and pink clouds around them because this is their first day of being together… before their first date even. 

He groans before he can stop himself. It’s ridiculous. It’s just lunch, and it's no problem for Jaehee to spend the time with his (potential?) girlfriend. So what? He shifts in his seat, pressing his forehead harder into his arms as if he can physically shove the image out of his head.

Whatever. Seriously. 

He doesn’t know when sleep claims him or how long he drifts under, only that when he surfaces, it’s not because of the bell or the noise of classmates returning, but because there’s someone tracing invisible patterns across his skin. His brows knit together as consciousness settles in, and he lifts his head sluggishly, eyes still heavy with sleep, scanning the classroom in mild confusion. No one is standing in front of him. No one is calling his name.

But when he turns to his right, the sight that greets him reminds him of a nine years old Jaehee hovering awkwardly beside his desk during recess, clutching a crumpled snack he’d bought with his own allowance, insisting they should be friends in that stubborn, earnest way only children can manage. Back then, Jaehee had looked at him like that too, like Yushi was the only person he’d wanted to be around. As if he isn’t the biggest extrovert Yushi’s ever known.

Because sixteen year old Jaehee is sitting beside him and his fingers loosely hooked around Yushi’s pinky, idly playing with it. There’s a look on his face that Yushi refuses to dissect too closely, because naming it would mean acknowledging why it makes his chest feel tight. There’s a small carton of milk and a cream bun placed neatly on the desk, clearly bought from the cafeteria, but Yushi’s gaze doesn’t linger on the food despite the hollow ache in his stomach. Instead, his attention fixes on the subtle movement of Jaehee’s fingers brushing against his own, the warmth of it seeping into him, blooming through his body in a way that feels dangerously familiar. The same warmth from this morning. The same warmth he’s been trying to ignore.

Questions crowd his throat. Why are you here? Why aren’t you eating with Hina-senpai? Shouldn’t you be spending time with your future—

Or maybe they’re not official yet. Maybe Jaehee is shy. And he doesn’t want to make it obvious.

The thought only makes him squirm in his seat, discomfort curling low in his stomach, so he clears his throat. “For me?” 

Jaehee shrugs, though the corner of his mouth twitches upward. “I don’t know. It’s for whoever feels hungry.”

Yushi huffs at that, pulling his fingers away, but the younger only catches them again, chuckling. “Of course it’s for you, hyung. Who else?”

Who else…

He lets out a small, nervous laugh, and wordlessly drinks the milk. 

It’s only when the final bell rings that Yushi’s phone vibrates faintly in his pocket. And it’s a message from Jaehee.

goodluck with practice today hyung ^^ im occupied so i cant make it sorry t__t see u after practice maybe? hehe

It has Yushi staring at the screen longer than necessary.

Because occupied? He could have just said it. He could have easily written I have a date and Yushi would have understood perfectly well. It’s not like the whole situation is a secret between them. Yushi knows. Jaehee knows that Yushi knows. Yet somehow the younger still avoids mentioning it outright, skirting around the words since this morning.

For some reason, that annoys Yushi even more. Is Jaehee trying to hide it from him? Or is he trying to spare his feelings? Which is ridiculous, honestly, because why would Yushi need to be spared from something like that? The thought only makes him frown harder at the phone screen.

After a moment, he types back a short reply.

ok

He slips the phone back into his pocket and hoists his bag over his shoulder before heading down the hallway toward the locker rooms with the rest of the soccer team. He drops his bag onto the bench and pulls his shirt over his head, switching into his team jersey and shorts. 

The practice hasn’t even begun yet and he can already tell it’s going to be a long one. He already feels like not socialising with anybody. 

Unfortunately, and expectedly, it is a long one because the moment the ball leaves his foot, his mind decides it will be a good time to slide right back to where it has been all day.

Which is, Jaehee’s date. He tries very hard not to picture it. But it seems to only make it worse. Because he swears the images in his head are so vivid. Jaehee in his casual clothes instead of his school uniform, hair a little messy from the wind, glasses slipping down his nose the way they always do when he walks too fast. Hina-senpai is beside him, smiling up at him, probably looking very pretty in a way that makes people turn their heads. Makes Jaehee’s eyes stay on her all time. 

Jaehee is probably busy buying her snacks right now. Because Jaehee is the kind of idiot who would buy snacks or food, in general, to make someone get closer to him. Maybe he will get something sweet for Hina because they’re at a theme park—maybe churros, maybe those ridiculous parfait cups piled high with whipped cream and fruit. 

And Jaehee must’ve been leaning down a lot because Hina is shorter, so he can talk to her more easily. Like he always does for Yushi. Jaehee smiling with the small snaggletooth showing at the corner of his mouth. Maybe he even wipes a bit of whipped cream off her lip with his thumb like some kind of drama scene—

“Tokuno!”

He startles, blinking as one of his teammates groans loudly and jogs past him to retrieve the ball that rolls straight past his foot.

“Focus, man. What’s wrong with you today?”

“Nothing, sorry.”

It’s absolutely nothing. So he forces himself back into the drill, running harder this time, lungs burning as he sprints down the field. The wind cuts against his face and for a moment it almost works.

Almost because then he thinks about how he can feel his getting damp again as he clenches them. Mostly it happens whenever he gets nervous, or if he’s thinking too much, or when someone grabs his hand out of nowhere. It used to embarrass him so badly he’d wipe them on his pants every few minutes without even realising it. And Jaehee never complained about it either. Even when they were kids and Yushi would jerk his hand away with a muttered apology because he’s not used to it, the younger would just catch it again, lacing their fingers together.

And Hina probably doesn’t have that problem, right? Her hands are probably normal. Definitely soft because he has seen her using hand cream before during one of the times he went to see Jaehee’s rehearsal. She probably doesn’t apologize every five seconds too, right? She probably doesn’t panic about it the way Yushi does. When Jaehee holds her hand later—because obviously he will, because that’s what people do on dates—he won’t have to pretend not to notice anything.

“Tokuno!”

The ground hits him before he even gets the chance to recognise his own coach’s voice as he gets hit by a ball from his back. He hits the grass hard, sliding forward with enough force that his palms scrape against the rough dirt beneath the thin layer of turf. Pain sparks instantly across the skin and he winces. 

He hears the whistle blows and he can only shut his eyes in embarrassment. 

“Are you trying to break yourself today?” the coach shouts, already striding toward him.

Yushi pushes himself up with a grimace, immediately regretting it when his right palm protests. 

“I’m sorry, coach,” he mutters, brushing his hands against his shorts.

“Your head’s somewhere else. Sit out for ten minutes if you can’t focus.”

Yushi badly wants to argue. That he’s fine and his head is not somewhere else. He’s the ace of the team and he can't sit out just because he’s… not professional enough. But he knows that’s a lie and his coach is right. 

So he trudges toward the bench, dropping down while the rest of the team resumes the drill behind him. The scrape on his palm stings when he flexes his fingers, the skin already reddening. He drops his head back against the cool metal bench.

It feels like forever before the final whistle finally slices through the air and the coach calls for practice to end. Yushi ends up not joining the rest of it because his head is throbbing and the sun is scorching hot on his face. His teammates groan and stretch as they scatter toward the locker room, but Yushi barely registers any of it. He’s already halfway across the grass, his bag slung over one shoulder as he heads inside with quick steps.

He strips out of his jersey and shorts quickly, tugging on a loose hoodie and comfortable pants instead, ignoring the sting that flares across his palm every time the fabric brushes over it. One of the younger players—some first-year who always hovers nervously around the seniors—had insisted on helping earlier, carefully dabbing ointment over the scrape while looking like he expected Yushi to scold him for touching it. His name is Sakuya, if Yushi remembers correctly.

“You should put a bandage over it, senpai.”

Yushi only shook his head, flexing his fingers once before stuffing his hand back into his pocket. “It’ll peel off because of the sweat anyway.” 

The kid looked unconvinced, but he didn’t say anything else.

Now the skin still burns faintly under the thin layer of ointment, but Yushi pretends it doesn’t bother him as he slings his bag over his shoulder and heads for the door. He shuts the locker with a little more force than necessary, the metal clanging loudly in the room, earning a few curious glances from his teammates that he pointedly ignores.

Yushi starts rummaging through his bag as he strides towards the school’s gate, fingers digging through notebooks and a spare jersey as he searches for his earphones.

They aren’t there. Well, of course they aren’t. He’s never brought them to school before. Because when exactly would he use them? While walking to school with Jaehee every morning? Or while walking home with Jaehee in the afternoons, the younger talking about something random while Yushi pretends to be annoyed?

Jaehee. Jaehee. Jaehee. Jaehee.

He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket again. It’s probably Jaehee sending a photo of the date. Maybe a stupid selfie of him and Hina-senpai standing in front of some bright sign, both of them smiling while Jaehee flashes that snaggletooth grin he always does. Or maybe a picture of food, because Jaehee loves sending pictures of food for no reason whatsoever.

Yushi exhales through his nose, shoving his hands deeper into the pockets of his hoodie as he walks faster. 

Why the hell is he so pissed about it? His best friend is happy. That’s a good thing. People date all the time. People fall in love and go on dates and hold hands and do whatever couples do, and none of that has anything to do with Yushi.

So why does it feel like this? Should he just go on a date too? The thought pops up almost absurdly. Maybe that’s it. Maybe he’s just being pathetic because he wants something like that too. Everyone around them talks about relationships constantly anyway—first kisses, first loves, who likes who—and maybe he’s just finally catching up to what everyone else has been doing for years.

But that doesn’t make sense either. He didn’t feel like this when he found out about Riku and Sion. Yushi only laughed about it after the shock wore off. He wasn’t pacing around the house afterward, wasn’t lying awake at night imagining scenarios that made his chest feel weird and tight.

So why this?

“—Hyung!”

Maybe he’s just stressed. It is his final year, after all. University entrance exams are coming up, his soccer schedule is getting heavier, and next year everything will change. He’ll graduate, become an adult, move on to a new life somewhere else. And eventually he’ll leave everything behind.

Including Jaehee.

“Yuu-chan!”

Yushi stops as the nickname hits him. His head snaps around so fast, eyes wide as he scans the street.

And Jaehee is standing just a few steps away actually, slightly out of breath like he’s been running, his hair a little messy and his glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose. The familiar snaggletooth peeks out when he smiles, and a little sheepish, as if he’s not entirely sure how Yushi is going to react.

For a few seconds, Yushi doesn’t move at all. Jaehee is talking, saying something, he can see that much. But Yushi can’t comprehend a single thing he’s saying. The sound reaches him, sure, but it doesn’t quite turn into meaning.

Instead, his eyes drift to the sweater the younger is wearing. It’s one of his old club sweaters—the one from years ago, back when he first joined the junior soccer team. The sleeves were always too long on him and the shoulders too wide, so he’d eventually tossed it at Jaehee one winter afternoon when the younger complained about being cold. It had swallowed Jaehee whole back then, the fabric hanging ridiculously off his smaller frame.

That was years ago. Now it fits him way better than on Yushi himself. 

Yushi blinks slowly as his brain stupidly connects to something he doesn’t want to. 

Does that mean… Jaehee wears it on the date?

Jaehee is still talking something. And Yushi doesn’t understand what he’s saying and so, he croaks, “Jaehee.”

The younger stops mid-sentence immediately.

“Hyung.”

And then neither of them says anything. They just stare at each other. Jaehee looks a little sheepish under the sudden attention as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, pushing his glasses up properly this time. Yushi, meanwhile, feels like his brain is trying to spin several thoughts at once and failing at all of them.

Because he doesn’t understand. What is Jaehee doing here? The question sits heavy on the tip of his tongue, but he doesn’t ask it.

Instead, another thought slowly forces its way into place. Maybe the date ended earlier than he expected. Maybe Jaehee just… decided to come here afterward for some reason. Even though it’s nearly half an hour away. Even though he absolutely didn’t have to.

So he swallows, and has never felt more awkward than ever, he asks, “How did it go?”

“…Huh?”

No way. Is Jaehee acting clueless? Of all the things Jaehee does that irritate him, this is one of the worst—this pretending not to understand when the answer is painfully obvious. The younger knows him well enough by now to recognize when he’s already on edge, when one wrong response is enough to tip him over. If what Riku said is true, if Jaehee really knows him that well, then he should’ve realised by now that Yushi has been bothered by this the entire day.

So why is he acting like he has no idea what Yushi is talking about?

His scraped palm throbs faintly where it presses against the seam of his pocket, the ache only making the rest of his body feel heavier. He’s tired. Practice dragged on forever, his head has been a mess since morning, and the last thing he wants right now is to play guessing games.

So he decides not to tiptoe around it.

“The date, Jaehee,” he says plainly. “How was it?”

He tries to keep his voice neutral. He really does. But something must still slip through, because Jaehee’s expression shifts immediately.

“What date?”

And that—

“Why are you acting dumb?! I’m talking about the one with Hina-senpai. Are you trying to make me look like a fool?” Yushi snaps and oh, he will definitely regret this. 

Especially when Jaehee’s eyes suddenly turn sad like a puppy, and he says the last thing Yushi would expect to hear all week. 

“Hyung… it’s because I didn’t go,” it’s worse because Jaehee sounds almost offended, like the accusation itself wounded him, but Yushi can only stare at him in disbelief.

“B-but you wouldn’t do that! Not to her.”

“Why not?”

“Because you wouldn’t. That’s it.”

Because Kim Jaehee would never stand someone up! Never. Not the Jaehee Yushi has known for almost his entire life. Especially not the same Jaehee who sat in Yushi’s room just a few days ago, staring at the ceiling and admitting he wanted to try dating for real this time.

No. That kind of Jaehee doesn’t cancel on someone who confessed to him.

“Is it so hard to believe?” Jaehee asks, sounding almost regretful now.

“Yes.” 

Silence settles between them again, but this time it’s clearly thick and awkward. As minutes pass by, the younger’s words only sound more real than ever, and yet, Yushi doesn’t want to believe it.

The idea simply refuses to sit right in his head. Jaehee not going to the date feels impossible, like hearing someone say the sun decided not to rise that morning. It doesn’t match the version of Jaehee he knows. And yet—Jaehee is standing right here! Right in front of him and wearing Yushi’s old stupid sweater…

He spent the entire day worrying about this stupid date. And now Jaehee is telling him it didn’t even happen? 

That can’t be right. It must have happened. Somehow… somewhere…

He doesn’t even notice how long he’s been staring at the ground until a finger suddenly nudges under his chin and lifts his face upward. And before he knows it his eyes are meeting Jaehee’s again.

Up close, Jaehee’s expression is softer than before, brows slightly drawn together in concern. “What’s wrong, hyung? You’ve been acting off all day.”

“Is it true? You really didn’t go to that date?” Yushi gulps, throat suddenly dry.

Jaehee searches his face for a moment, like he’s trying to read something hidden there. Yushi isn’t entirely sure what he’s looking for.

“Yes, hyung.”

It’s insane how all the knots on his shoulders and this huge thing that he’s been carrying since morning immediately slips off his body. Before his brain can catch up and tell him this is embarrassing and unnecessary and very unlike him, his body moves on its own.

He steps forward and collapses against Jaehee. His forehead presses into the familiar curve of Jaehee’s shoulder. For a second Jaehee goes completely still, clearly not expecting it, his arms hovering awkwardly like he isn’t sure what he’s allowed to do.

But Yushi doesn’t notice any of that anyway. The relief rushing through him is so overwhelming it almost makes his knees weak.

And unexpectedly, he whispers, “Thank you.”

It has Jaehee letting out a small, awkward laugh. “What are you thankful for, hyung?”

Yushi only shakes his head against his shoulder, refusing to answer. Because if he opens his mouth right now, he’s not entirely sure what will come out of it. So he stays there, breathing slowly while the last of that strange tightness leaves his chest. For a moment neither of them moves. Then Yushi feels Jaehee’s hand settle carefully against his back, patting him in that familiar absentminded way he’s done since they were kids, like he’s comforting someone younger instead of someone older.

After a few seconds, Jaehee starts talking again. “I broke the promise the day after I told you, actually, I… kept thinking about it and it just didn’t feel right. The longer I thought about it, the worse it felt, hyung.”

Yushi lifts his head at that. 

“I felt bad, of course,” the younger continues, rubbing the back of his neck now like he’s embarrassed. “She was really sad when I talked to her. It almost made me want to take back what I said, hyung. Almost.”

That makes Yushi pull back fully. He leans away just enough to look at Jaehee’s face. They’re close. Close enough that if he wanted to, he could probably count the younger boy’s eyelashes one by one. Jaehee naturally leans down when they stand like this instead of making Yushi tilt his chin upward more. 

“But you didn’t.”

“But I didn’t,” Jaehee finishes with a small smile.

Everything crashes down on Yushi at once, at that moment. Jaehee is right there—warm hands still resting lightly on his back, face only a few inches away, looking at him with that gentle expression he always has when he’s worried about him. The feeling surges through Yushi’s body so strongly it almost scares him a little.

“Yushi hyung.”

“Hm…?” 

“You’re distracted again,” Jaehee says, tilting his head slightly as he studies his face. “What’s in your head to get my hyung to be all quiet all day, hm?”

My hyung.

For a second he considers brushing it off again, saying nothing like he always does, pretending everything is fine and normal and exactly the same as it’s always been. But he knows damn well if he brushes it off again, he might just lose the younger at this point.

So he just… gives up.

“…You,” Yushi ends up saying, his eyes squeeze shut before he can change his mind. “It’s you. It’s always you, but these days it’s worse. All I can think about is you and that stupid date and how you were going to go out with her and act all nice and then you’d start doing all that lovey-dovey stuff people do when they date… Holding hands and walking around together and buying snacks and whatever else couples do. And it bothers me all day..”

He finally opens his eyes again, though he doesn’t quite look directly at Jaehee yet. “Because that’s all the stuff we do too, right? Is it just me? We walk together. We hold hands. We go places together. And suddenly I kept imagining you doing it with someone else instead and it was driving me insane… Because it wouldn’t be me anymore.”

They really can’t go back to whatever they have after this. Because it goes quiet again between them and there’s too many… unspoken words today. It’s weird and it’s not them and Yushi is ruining everything. Yushi starts thinking that maybe he should just run for it. Maybe he should pretend none of this happened, laugh it off, say something stupid, anything—because if Jaehee doesn’t respond soon, Yushi might actually combust on the spot.

But the last thing he expects to hear from the younger is;

“Hyung… are you jealous?”

It has Yushi grimacing immediately. “Well I don’t know!”

He squeezes his eyes shut for a second, like that might help him gather whatever dignity he has left, but when he opens them again, Jaehee is already looking at him. It’s like Jaehee is seeing something else entirely when he looks at him, something Yushi himself hasn’t figured out yet. And he’s smiling.

“Is that a yes or no?” 

“I said I don’t know!” Yushi whines, the frustration bubbling up again.

“But I need to hear it from you, hyung.”

“Hear what? I told you I don’t know and it’s confusing—”

“I’ll take it as you being jealous, then.”

Yushi’s face burns immediately, and blurts out, “Maybe I am! Who knows?!”

And Jaehe seems to like to be a little out of character today because then he says something that Yushi’s brain completely short-circuits.

“That’s wild. Because I also couldn’t stop thinking about you the whole time she was talking to me.”

“…What?”

That doesn’t make sense. Jaehee, on a date, or not a date, whatever it was… being confessed to by someone who likes him, someone who probably prepared herself, someone who was nervous and sincere and everything Yushi knows Jaehee would take seriously…

And he was thinking about Yushi?

It sounds so ridiculous, he can’t help but to wait for Jaehee to take it back or laugh and say he’s joking.

But Jaehee doesn’t. Instead, he steps just a little closer.

Close enough that Yushi can feel the warmth radiating off him again, close enough that the space between them disappears without Yushi even realising when it happened.

“I kept thinking, if I said yes… then things would change. Between hyung and I.” 

“Change how?” Yushi asks, even though he’s not sure he wants to hear the answer.

Jaehee doesn’t answer him right away but he’s smiling sheepishly and before Yushi can ask him to stop it!, the younger reaches for his hand.

His fingers close around Yushi’s palm and immediately pauses when he sees the wound. 

“What happened to your hand, hyung?”

Yushi instinctively tries to pull back, but Jaehee doesn’t let him, and adjusts his hold so it doesn’t press against the scrape. 

“It’s nothing,” he mutters, avoiding the other’s eyes. “I fell during practice.”

Jaehee exhales softly, something like frustration flickering across his face—not at Yushi, but at the situation. “You’re always like this… Does it hurt?”

Yushi shrugs, even though it does.

Jaehee carefully turns Yushi’s hand over, his touch gentle now, mindful of the wound as his fingers settle more securely around the parts that aren’t scraped. Only then does he continue,“I wouldn’t be able to hold your hand whenever I want. “Or come over whenever. Or walk you home every day. Because it’s my favourite part of the day.”

Jaehee’s eyes move to Yushi and Yushi thinks he’s going to pass out for real. “And I didn’t like that.”

He spent the whole day thinking about Jaehee holding someone else’s hand, walking with someone else, laughing with someone else and Jaehee is here saying he didn’t want any of that? Because of him? 

“…So you cancelled it?” 

Jaehee nods once. “Yeah.”

Yushi stares at their hands for a second and then slowly looks back up at the younger’s face.

“…That’s weird,” he mutters, because that’s the only thing his brain can come up with.

Jaehee huffs out a small laugh.

“Yeah. It is.”

The sun is starting to set behind them, casting this warm orange glow that stretches across the pavement, and it’s only then that Yushi realises they’re still standing in front of the school gate.

He should say it now. Something normal. Something that will ground them back into whatever they’ve always been. Should we go now? Let’s walk home. Something like that.

Everything is fine now, right? Jaehee didn’t go on the date. He’s here. He’s holding his hand like nothing has changed. Everything should go back to normal. So why does it feel like it can’t?

But none of that comes out from his mouth and he says something stupid again. 

“—so what does that make us?”

Fuck.

His eyes widen for half a second before he immediately slaps his own mouth, and he winces at how painful it is. He hears Jaehee laugh, and suddenly Yushi doesn’t want to open his eyes at all. If he doesn’t look, maybe he can pretend that didn’t just happen. Maybe he can rewind the last five seconds and choose to say something else instead.

But… he’s just a little curious, okay? They just had this… interesting conversation and they’re friends, best friends(!!) and at the same time this whole thing is weird! Or is it not? Maybe this is just a Yushi problem and Jaehee is completely fine and Yushi is the only one making it weird.

Then he feels a shoulder bump lightly against his.

“It’s just hyung and me. Like always, you know? Unless you don’t want that anymore, hyung.”

He doesn’t need to open his eyes to know Jaehee’s teasing him, so he punches Jaehee’s shoulder hard. The younger wails, clutching the spot, and Yushi ignores him completely because he deserves it.

“I’m serious!” he huffs, finally turning to him as he opens his eyes again. Jaehee is very clearly trying not to laugh.

“And I’m serious too! Seriously, hyung. It is a little scary to maybe think that I just like you more than friends—”

Yushi feels his ears burn instantly. He resists the very strong urge to hide his face or turn away or shove Jaehee or all three at once. How is Jaehee saying this so casually? 

So Jaehee likes him.

And he… likes Jaehee too…?

“—but it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t want it, you know?” Jaehee continues, shrugging slightly. “Let’s just do what we’re comfortable with.”

Yushi can’t help but to feel warm. Warm in a way that spreads from his chest outward, settling into his bones, making his fingers twitch slightly where Jaehee is still holding his hand. The younger is giving him an out. And he doesn’t want to take it.

Which is probably why, before he can think it through, another stupid question falls out of his mouth.

“So when are you going to kiss me?”

He wants to laugh at how Jaehee’s face immediately turns red, but his face is probably having the same shade right now, so he swallows it down and just mentally curses himself instead.

Why is he like this today?

“Urm… I think we should have our… you know… first date first. But we can try. If you want, hyung,” Jaehee eventually says, though his face only gets more red, if it’s possible.

At the image of them kissing. 

Yushi feels like he might actually dissolve into thin air.

And since Yushi is never one to think before he acts, for today it seems, he does not hesitate to take a step closer as if they aren't already close enough. And ignore how his brain is screaming at how his palms are definitely, more sweaty than it already is now, and he takes Jaehee’s hands in his again before he closes his eyes and lands his lips on Jaehee's.

It’s so soft that for a second Yushi isn’t even sure it happened, just the light press of his lips against Jaehee’s, hesitant and unsure but very, very real.

And it’s almost funny how Jaehee instinctively leans down for him, just like always, meeting him halfway without making him strain or adjust. It makes him smile against Jaehee’s lips before he can stop himself.

It’s clumsy, their noses brushing in the wrong angle at first, lips barely aligning before they both pause, and try again without pulling too far apart. And it’s ten times better. 

They don’t rush it, it’s just lips meeting, parting slightly, then meeting again. Yushi doesn’t know how long it lasts. It could be seconds. It could be longer. All he knows is that when they finally pull away, it happens gradually, almost reluctantly, like neither of them quite wants to be the first to let go.

Yushi opens his eyes slowly. And Jaehee, as always,  is already looking at him. And his face is completely flushed, red spreading across his cheeks and up to the tips of his ears, his lips slightly parted. 

For a moment, neither of them says anything. Or the fact that… They're each other’s first kiss. It makes Yushi feel giddy as hell. 

Then Jaehee lets out a breathless laugh. Yushi feels his own lips twitch too, a small smile forming before he can stop it. He glances away for a second, then back again, unable to hold eye contact for too long.

“…That’s so weird. Is it not?”

Jaehee hums, still smiling, still looking at him like he hasn’t quite processed it either. “Maybe. I think we just need more practice, hyung.”

Yushi shoves him out of the way and starts walking, ignoring the other calling him and ignoring how his ears are burning so much it’s going to melt off.

When they stop in front of Yushi’s house later, neither of them says anything about it. Jaehee just looks at him for a moment, before leaning in once more. Yushi melts into it before he can stop himself, fingers gripping lightly onto Jaehee’s sleeves. The kiss lingers just a little longer than the first, and when they part, both of them hover in that space for a second.

Somewhere from next door, there is a faint whistle. He turns his head towards the sound, eyes narrowing toward Riku’s window, and flip him off without a word. 

-

They don’t make it into a big deal after that. They don’t sit down and define it, don’t draw lines or set rules or try to label what it is they’ve become. They just keep going, the same way they always have, except now there are moments like this woven in between everything else.

It follows them through everything. Because they do, practice it after all. 

When Yushi wins, when the adrenaline is still rushing through him and his thoughts haven’t quite caught up to his body yet, Jaehee is already there before anyone else can reach him. And before Yushi can even say anything, the younger grabs him and lifts him clean off the ground like it is nothing. Yushi lets out a startled noise, hands immediately clutching onto Jaehee’s shoulders as he is spun around once, twice, the world blurring into motion for a brief second before Jaehee finally sets him down again. Yushi barely has time to regain his balance before Jaehee leans in, still smiling like that, and kisses him like it is the most natural continuation of everything that just happened.

When they graduate,  the day is filled with noise and too many people talking at once, but Jaehee still finds his way to him. He stands a little too close, eyes so bright, it makes Yushi’s chest feel tight, and when he leans in to kiss him, it is quick enough to go unnoticed by everyone else but long enough to mean something. 

And when Jaehee’s excitedly talking about how he just received a scholarship in music major in one of the biggest universities in the country, Yushi has already stepped closer, already reached for him, and whatever he says next gets lost somewhere between their laughter and feeling of both of their lips together. 

Even later, when things settle into something more, they’re still the same. 

Yushi holds his hand out one day, trying to sound casual about it even though there is a slight edge to his voice that gives him away, and asks Jaehee to put a ring on him like it is just another thing, just another step in the long list of things they have always done together. He doesn’t think too much about it, nor dress it up into something bigger than it is, because that has never really been how they work.

Jaehee doesn’t laugh or tease him the way he might have years ago. Instead, he takes Yushi’s hand like he always does, his grip warm in a way that has never changed. He just holds it there, thumb brushing lightly over the older’s skin. Then, before the ring or the words that might follow, he lowers his head and presses a kiss to Yushi’s hand.

“I love you, hyung. Forever,” he says.

Yushi knocks their heads together softly, chuckling. “I love you more. Forever.” 

He thinks he has a lot more to say than that, but Jaehee already has his heart sitting in his palms that maybe words aren’t that necessary after all. He can save the rest for his vows. He just needs to work a little harder on those.