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so, a horse walks into a bar

Summary:

 Zibai, freshly re-alived after six thousand years, decides to take a trip to Mondstadt to visit her wayward little brother.

Or: there's a horse, LOOSE, in the Angel's Share.

Notes:

we really wanted to write a silly sibling fic with zibai and this is what came out lol - Via

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

 It has been a very long time since Zibai has seen her siblings.

 

 More specifically, Zibai has not seen any of her siblings during the sizable period of time she spent being dead, and now, many of them have been bothering her for the past week and a half in an attempt to make up for lost time. The interesting bit, though, is that she has now been visited by every single one of the Thousand Winds… except for one.

 

From what she has heard, Venti (as she believes he is now going by — the other wisps refer to him that way, at least, although the legends only seem to call him Barbatos) has taken up the mantle of Anemo Archon, and spends most of his days amongst his people. Allegedly, very few are aware of his true identity, although Zibai has no doubt that many have figured out he is something a little beyond the average mortal.

 

According to the rest of their siblings, Venti is in Mondstadt's main city right now, and is not doing anything overly important. At least… Zibai thinks that's what they're saying. She has a general understanding of her smaller siblings' language, but even after thousands of years, the tenses still elude her. The Thousand Winds simply don't experience linear time in the same way as most other creatures, and Zibai has long since given up on attempting to figure out the when of anything they try to tell her. Regardless, her external sources (specifically, Zhongli) have informed her that Mondstadt is not currently undergoing any major crisis that Zibai's presence would hinder the solving of, meaning it is a perfect time to go and pay her little brother a visit.

 

Zhongli had been… rather confused, to say the least, when Zibai had asked him about Venti. Somehow, he did not seem aware of the fact that Venti is her little brother — Zibai still isn't certain that he fully understands it, but he had at least given her some tips on how to track Venti down once she reaches his nation.

 

And thus, Zibai takes her equine form and begins the trek across Liyue up towards the nation that her wayward sibling calls home. If nothing else, she would at least like to check up on him and make sure that he's alright and doesn't need any assistance. She knows how difficult it can be to oversee an entire nation, after all, even if he doesn't seem to be ruling it directly. Besides, Zibai herself now has very few responsibilities that she must keep up with, meaning she has plenty of spare time to make a nuisance of herself in Venti's city.

 

It is far easier to travel in the form of a horse, and Zibai makes good time as she passes Wangshu Inn and the Stone Gate before long. A handful of travellers do stop and stare while she takes a short break to nibble on some mint growing beside the road, but they move on quickly once they notice that Zibai is aware of their presence.

 

Soon enough, she finds herself in the unfamiliar terrain of the Nation of Wind, surrounded by lush green grass and apple trees dotting the scenic countryscape as far as the eye can see. A gentle breeze blows through her mane, carrying with it the scent of what she believes to be fruit and flowers. Perhaps this is the smell of those 'dandelions' she has heard about? Though, she has also heard of such things as windwheel asters and cecilias, and Zibai is unsure how to distinguish the scents of the three.

 

Zibai strolls down the path towards the main city, taking in the scenery as she approaches. The bridge across the lake is well-maintained, leading up to a gate manned by a single knight on either side of it. Zibai nods as she passes, and one nods back before stopping abruptly, blinking with a shocked expression as he sees no rider upon her back. Of course there wouldn't be — Zibai is an illuminated beast, not to mention a goddess. Zibai does not carry mortals like some common beast of burden. She almost wants to be offended by the very notion, but then again, this is Mondstadt and not Liyue. She cannot fault them for not recognising her when they have absolutely no reason to know who she is.

 

Now that she's inside the city, it's time to find Venti. The entirety of Mondstadt is saturated with Anemo energy (likely from both Venti and the rest of their siblings flitting around everywhere all the time), which does make it a bit difficult to figure out where he is at this exact moment, but Zibai's sure she'll be able to track him down eventually. Zhongli had suggested that she either investigate the local bars and taverns, or simply seek out the highest concentration of drama, and she would be likely to find her brother there.

 

Luckily for Zibai, she catches sight of a young knight bolting down the street off to the right, giving her the impression that there is probably going to be some drama over there. She can also sense a fairly high concentration of Anemo energy that way as well. If she had to guess, she'll probably find Venti in that direction.

 

Zibai follows the knight at a leisurely pace until he runs inside of a nearby building, one that smells of alcohol and bears a sign reading Angel's Share in the common script. She nudges the door open with her head, ducking under the frame as she steps inside the little building and begins to look around for her brother. The concentration of Anemo in here is saturated over every inch of the space, making it far more difficult than she'd been hoping to pick out exactly which of these unfamiliar humanoid forms belongs to Venti.

 

As she looks around, she spies a few particularly distinct faces all sitting at the bar, none of whom seem to have noticed her presence yet — the knights that had run past earlier, a navy-haired man with a patch over one eye listening to the anxious knight whisper something to him, a red-haired bartender focused on the drink he's mixing, and a young bard clad in green plucking out a tune on a lyre.

 

Well, if nothing else, the drink that the bartender is mixing does smell quite good. Perhaps Zibai will indulge herself in a glass or two while she figures out which of these patrons is her wayward little brother.

 

oOoOo

 

There is a horse in the Angel's Share.

 

Diluc almost thinks he's imagining it at first. A pure white horse, opening the door of his bar and trotting right in as though it's supposed to be in here. For a moment, he wonders if Kaeya is playing a prank on him — he is the Cavalry Captain, after all, and this is exactly the kind of thing he would do, but Diluc didn't realise that there was a horse just lying around somewhere for him to do this with.

 

"Sir Kaeya," Diluc says, keeping his voice surprisingly level in his opinion, "would you happen to know anything about that?"

 

Kaeya blinks, and it's then that Diluc realises one of his subordinates is whispering something to him, leaning so close to Kaeya that he's practically using him as an armrest. "…As a matter of fact, Master Diluc, I would not."

 

"Captain," the anxious knight pleads, glancing at the horse again, "what do we… do?"

 

Kaeya looks over at the horse with some hesitance, clearly realising that this is probably going to be his problem to deal with. "Perhaps you ought to go and inform the Acting Grandmaster that there is a horse loose in the Angel's Share, and I will… see what I can do in the meantime."

 

The knight rushes out the moment Kaeya finishes speaking, and Kaeya spares Diluc one last long-suffering look before he rises from his seat and slowly attempts to approach the horse.

 

Unfortunately, the horse does not seem to care about Kaeya's corralling (not that he got very far with it anyways) and walks right past him, stopping at the bar and looking at Diluc. If he didn't say any better, he'd say its expression was expectant.

 

"Venti, did you have anything to do with this?" Diluc asks exasperatedly.

 

The horse seems intrigued by his words, gaze sharpening as Venti perks up at the sound of his name. "Hmm? Did something happen, Master Di—"

 

He cuts himself off abruptly, staring at the horse with wide eyes. The horse, oddly enough, stares right back.

 

"…Venti?" Diluc prompts.

 

Venti bolts up from his seat, lyre falling against the counter with a clatter as he points at the horse. "ZIBAI?!"

 

"So this is where you went," the horse replies (the horse replies, out loud, using human words) serenely. "I have been looking for you, you know."

 

"Venti," Kaeya says faintly, "do you know this… horse?"

 

Venti nods. "She's my sister!"

 

"Your sister is a horse?"

 

"Yes," Venti replies, completely nonplussed.

 

"A paying customer is what I am," Zibai points out, sounded displeased. Diluc did not know horses could sound displeased. He's learning so many new things today, and he didn't want to learn a single one of them. "And I am rather disappointed that no one has offered me anything to drink yet. Venti, I was under the impression that your people were very hospitable."

 

"They are, they are," Venti reassures. "It's just that the Angel's Share doesn't often get customers that aren't at least a tiny bit people-shaped, and you are a horse right now. I'm pretty sure it's illegal to serve regular animals alcohol."

 

Zibai nods sagely. "I see. But I am no regular horse, and therefore I can be served."

 

"You heard her, Master Diluc — a windbloom cider for my sister, if you please!"

 

Diluc manages to shake himself out of the shock enough to grab a glass and a bottle of cider from under the bar, only to pause as he looks down at the tall, thin glass, and then back up at the horse's large, wide head. How is she supposed to drink it if he pours it into the usual cup? She can't exactly pick it up.

 

As Diluc stands there puzzling over which cup to use (does he even have any that are big enough?), Kaeya reclaims his seat at the bar, nodding toward Venti and his sister.

 

"You seem… a bit surprised to see her, Venti," Kaeya points out, still looking a bit too pale for Diluc's liking. He doubts Kaeya is taking this any better than he himself is, to be honest — in fact, without the added context of Venti's identity, Kaeya's probably taking it worse. "Were you not expecting a visit?"

 

Venti turns to the horse. "No, in fact, I wasn't. I was under the impression that she was still dead!"

 

His sister is a dead horse? Diluc doesn't know if that's better or worse than being a regular horse.

 

Zibai, the apparently dead horse, nods. "I got better. I had assumed our siblings would have informed you of that."

 

Venti gives her a look that Diluc can't quite read, and she hums in response.

 

"That is a fair point."

 

"Siblings," Kaeya repeats. "There are… more of you?"

 

"Oh, yes," Zibai responds smoothly. "Nine hundred and ninety nine."

 

"And not one of them helpful," Venti mutters. Both Diluc and Kaeya stare at him for a few seconds before he seems to register that he said that aloud, face twisting into a grimace.

 

It's at this point that Zibai notices Diluc's conundrum regarding the glass. He has about three laid out by this point, but all of them would be too small for a horse to drink from. He's almost tempted to give her a bowl, but that feels… well, rude. He can't serve a drink to Venti's apparent sister in a bowl.

 

"Do not fret over the glass. I have a humanoid form that I can take on as well," Zibai assures him.

 

Venti nods, seeming happy to change the subject. "Yeah, she can have hands when she needs to. Just give her a regular glass, that'll be fine."

 

Diluc doesn't argue, simply pouring the drink and sliding it over with no further ado. Zibai sniffs it inquisitively, glancing at Venti with a pleased look. "This was an exquisite apple harvest."

 

Venti laughs. "Just wait 'til you actually taste it!"

 

In a soft twist of golden light, the horse's form shifts into that of a taller woman with long white hair and a sage dress, now standing in front of Diluc's bar counter.

 

She's… visibly Liyuen.

 

Well, Diluc probably should have seen that coming based on her name (Zibai certainly isn't Mondstadtan, after all), but… well, he can't help but be a bit surprised. The sister of the Anemo Archon, Mondstadt's own god, is Liyuen. Venti, the most Mondstadtan being in existence, has a Liyuen sister.

 

Well, Diluc certainly isn't going to say anything, as that would be incredibly rude of him. Instead, he holds his tongue as Zibai takes a sip of the cider, letting out a pleased hum in response to the flavour.

 

"Oh, yes. An excellent harvest for certain." She turns to Diluc, unnaturally gold eyes practically boring into his soul. He knows she likely doesn't mean to unnerve him, but she's still doing it. "Your orchards are lush and bountiful."

 

"…Thank you," Diluc replies eventually, for lack of a better response.

 

Zibai, seeming to sense his confusion, dips her head in acknowledgment as she clarifies. "You must be confused. I am a goddess of the harvest, you see. This is my area of expertise."

 

As soon as the word 'goddess' leaves her mouth, Venti is slowly turning to her with wide eyes and a look of horror etched across his face.

 

"How about we finish this conversation somewhere else," he says a bit too loudly, clearly opposed to letting his sister accidentally reveal any more information that might lead one to question Venti's own identity. Already Kaeya is looking between them with a furrowed brow, so Diluc can't really say this is an unjustified response.

 

Zibai, on the other hand, just looks mildly confused. "Are there topics that cannot be discussed in front of your people?"

 

Venti makes a face at her, receiving only an impassively questioning look in return. In lack of her agreement, Venti grabs ahold of her sleeve and starts trying to tug her away from the counter, and to Diluc's utter shock, Zibai does not move a single inch. In fact, she doesn't even shift in the slightest despite Venti clearly putting in quite a bit of effort to try and move her.

 

"Just— cooperate— already," Venti insists, wrapping both arms around one of Zibai's and bodily attempting to yank her towards the door.

 

Zibai reaches over with her free hand and grabs him by the back of his shirt, lifting him off the ground with practically no effort at all. "Do not be dramatic. I want to finish my drink. We can go after that."

 

Venti huffs, crossing his arms. He makes absolutely no attempts to free himself from Zibai's hold, which kind of leads Diluc to believe that this isn't the first time she's scruffed him.

 

"You have gotten much bigger in my absence," Zibai continues, taking a sip of her cider. "Not much heavier, though."

 

Kaeya gives Diluc an incredulous look from the other side of the bar, where neither Venti nor his sister are paying attention to him. The words 'bigger' and 'Venti' don't exactly go together, although if Zibai is Venti's older sister, then it makes sense that she would have known him when he was a small child. Diluc is having a bit of a difficult time imagining that, though. Venti seems like the kind of being who just popped into the world exactly as he is, and will stay that way for the rest of time.

 

oOoOo

 

Venti was not expecting his sister to come for a visit today.

 

In his defense, he also wasn't expecting his sister to be alive today. The Thousand Winds, gossipy as they can be, are actually a terrible source of important and up-to-date information, both because they don't understand how humans experience linear time and because they have very different ideas of what constitutes something 'important'. Venti is more likely to hear about a new ballad from Fontaine than about their biggest sibling coming back to life.

 

…He also was not expecting Zibai to come into Diluc's bar in horse form, and then do her level best to out him as Barbatos. Granted, he knows she's not trying to do that, but it really isn't helpful for Venti's continued anonymity.

 

Given that trying to move Zibai is the world's worst game of unstoppable force versus immovable object, Venti has unfortunately been relegated to dangling in the air as Zibai holds him aloft by the back of his clothes. She'll probably let him down once she's finished with her cider, but it's what she might say in the meantime that has him concerned.

 

"…I don't recall you mentioning an older sister before, Venti," Kaeya says faintly, clearly trying to retain some sense of normalcy after Zibai just admitted to being a fucking god.

 

"She's not older," Venti replies, at the same time as Zibai clarifies, "I'm not older."

 

Kaeya stares at them both, waiting for an explanation.

 

"We are not actually sure which of us is elder and which is younger, if either," Zibai explains, taking another sip of her drink. "But I am the larger sibling in a physical sense, hence, I am Venti's 'big sister' and he is my 'little brother'."

 

"How do you not know who's older?" Diluc asks, confused, before a look passes across his face that tells Venti he's really regretting saying that aloud. Venti is also wishing he hadn't said that aloud, because they're both fully aware that it won't be easy to explain while still maintaining the illusion that Venti's a normal human and not also a god.

 

Zibai sighs. "Please do not ask him about time. His explanations are nonsensical to all but our siblings and mother."

 

"My explanations of time are perfectly fine, it's you who doesn't understand it right," Venti says reflexively. "Ah. I mean…"

 

"I think I'll go somewhere else now," says Kaeya, looking mildly shell-shocked and also like he would much rather forget every single thing he experienced in the past hour. He drains the rest of his Death After Noon before standing up and leaving the bar without another word. Venti is mildly jealous.

 

Diluc watches him leaving before turning to Venti with a tired expression.

 

"I didn't mean to!" Venti hisses. "Zibai, will you please stop outing me to people?"

 

"Pardon?"

 

Most of the other taverngoers (of which there are not many) have long since decided they are better off not hearing whatever Venti's sister has to say, and are very pointedly not paying attention to the conversation at the counter — even the few adventurers who'd been sitting up at the bar had moved to tables far away. Venti can imagine that they probably wouldn't want to be overly involved in whatever tomfuckery involved a horse that could turn into a woman.

 

"Zibai," Venti whispers, leaning in close for emphasis, "they don't know—"

 

"Why did I just see Kaeya leaving the bar, and why was his only explanation that Venti's sister is a horse?" Rosaria asks pointedly, collapsing into a barstool beside Venti. "I have just had a fucking day and I do not have time for bullshit."

 

"And why is this… strange woman scruffing you?" Asks Dahlia, hopping up into Kaeya's now-empty seat. "Afternoon, Master Diluc."

 

"Hello, Dahlia," Diluc sighs, already pulling out another bottle of wine from under the counter.

 

"This is my sister," Venti explains, gesturing to Zibai. He is not looking forward to dealing with poor Kaeya's crisis later, but alas.

 

Rosaria looks at Zibai, then at Venti. "Your sister, the horse?"

 

"She's only sometimes a horse."

 

Zibai sniffs, looking offended. "I am the White Horse Adeptus, thank you."

 

"The white… Venti." Dahlia turns to him, utterly affronted. "You had a sister this whole time and you didn't tell me?!"

 

"Well, she was dead until— when did you un-die, actually?"

 

"Last week during the Lantern Rite festivities," Zibai states.

 

"Thank you. She was dead until last week! I didn't know I had a sister still!"

 

Dahlia huffs, crossing his arms as he swivels the barstool away from Venti. "I can't believe you had a whole sister you didn't tell me about."

 

Rosaria is staring at Venti and his sister with wide eyes, gaze flicking back and forth between them, until she slowly raises one hand to point at Venti.

 

"You're God."

 

Venti scrunches his face up, not really wanting to answer that, and Rosaria starts cackling.

 

A few more taverngoers slip out of the bar, giving her horrified looks as they exit — Venti can't really blame them, given that Rosaria's only laughed in public maybe twice prior to this. Dahlia spins his chair around to stare at her, and in the middle of them all, Zibai sets Venti on the ground so that she can tap her chin and make a properly mystified expression.

 

"I did not realise your people were unaware," she informs him, looking rather contrite now. "I had simply assumed they were very relaxed about your divine status."

 

"I was trying to tell you earlier," Venti mutters. "Now look what you've done."

 

"Why would you not want your people to know you as their god?" Zibai asks. She sounds genuinely confused, for some reason. "They do not show you the proper respect if they don't know. When I was the patron of Lang-Gan—"

 

"That was six thousand years ago, and that's exactly why I don't want to tell people! They get weird about everything if they know who I am!"

 

"No, hang on, can we go back to the thing about Zibai being a patron goddess?" Dahlia interrupts. Unfortunately for him, Zibai is a little distracted at the moment, and takes no notice of his words at all.

 

"You don't want to be respected?" Zibai squints, looking even more confused now. "Why not?"

 

"I like being able to go out in public without people treating me like some kind of special saviour, or god forbid, a ruler," Venti shudders. "Mondstadt does better without an Archon breathing down everyone's necks. Besides, it's less that I don't want to be respected and more that I don't really care for being revered. There's a big difference, you know."

 

Rosaria has finally stopped laughing now that the last few stragglers have exited the bar, all in quite the hurry to leave after she started up with the hysterics. "I can't believe I'm drinking buddies with fucking God. I got your name wrong so many times and you just laughed!"

 

"Well, yeah, it was funny," Venti replies. "And nobody calls me that in real life, anyways! You know what my real name is and you remember that just fine."

 

"All those blasphemous jokes… oh, Barbara's going to lose her shit if she ever finds out. Didn't she ban you from your own church?"

 

Zibai's eyes go wide as she hears this, but Venti waves it off uncaringly, considering that Barbara never actually did much enforcing of that. Besides, she did think he was just some random bard who stole and then broke a holy artefact. "Eh, I told Dahlia he could tell her, and she didn't believe him. I don't think we need to worry about giving Barbara a crisis of faith any time soon."

 

"You just gave Kaeya one," Diluc mutters.

 

Venti winces. "I didn't mean to, I already said that! And besides, that was mostly Zibai's fault."

 

"How was I to know that he was not aware of your identity?" Zibai points out. "Did the nun just say that you are banned from your own place of worship?"

 

"ANYWAYS," Venti says pointedly, "Zibai, you're done with your drink now, so how about we go somewhere else? Maybe a little less public, where we're not in danger of having a random stranger walk in at any given time and overhear things we don't want them hearing?"

 

"Things you don't want them hearing," she corrects. "I do not care."

 

"You're a terrible sister."

 

"And you are very rude. Do not think I am forgetting about what that nun just said, either. We will address it later."

 

"We will not!" Venti chirps. "Anyways, bye everyone, if I don't see you in the next week then please assume Zibai has kidnapped me and act accordingly. Byeeee!"

 

"Says the bard who regularly disappears for up to a month at a time," Diluc points out, but Venti is already pulling Zibai away from the bar (successfully this time) and out the door.

 

oOoOo

 

After a good amount of socialisation with her little brother, and plenty of exploration in the beautiful land he calls home, Zibai is just about ready to bid him farewell and return to Liyue.

 

There is, however, one small thing she must accomplish before she leaves.

 

To Venti's knowledge, she is already beginning the trek back to her own country, meaning she is now unsupervised for this final task. She has absolutely no idea where her brother has disappeared to, but the important bit is that he is no longer accompanying her when she makes her way up the many, many steps to his Cathedral.

 

Taking on her more humanoid form in order to command more respect, Zibai slams open the doors of the Cathedral, standing ominously at the entrance to the main hall. The few nuns inside are clearly startled by her sudden presence, but one particularly brave older woman inches up to greet her, looking quite apprehensive.

 

"Madam, is there a reason you've entered our church with such… force?" The nun asks. She clearly recognises Zibai as someone of importance, even if she doesn't seem to know exactly who Zibai is.

 

Zibai nods. "I must speak to Barbara immediately."

 

She is not sure of this 'Barbara's' rank or title, only her name and her transgressions. The nun regards her carefully before giving her a slow nod, hurrying away to, presumably, fetch the woman in question.

 

A few moments later, she reappears with a young blonde woman in a white gown, looking mildly confused as to why she's been brought out. When she sees Zibai, her eyes go wide with surprise and confusion — it seems she, too, recognises Zibai's divinity, but not her identity itself.

 

"…My lady," Barbara says slowly, clearly unsure of how to address Zibai, "is there… something you needed? May I ask why you've come to the Church of Favonius?"

 

"You are Barbara." Zibai is not asking — she is stating.

 

Barbara nods.

 

"You are not to prevent Venti from entering his own church. I do not know who you are, but you do not outrank your god."

 

Message now delivered, Zibai turns on her heel and exits the Cathedral, uncaring of how Barbara sputters and asks questions behind her. It is utterly inane that she would have the audacity to ban her god from his own place of worship — no matter how much Venti may wish to stay 'unrevered', so to speak, one must still have standards. It is a lucky thing that Zibai is here to help him out.

Notes:

 And that what finally convinced Barbara that venti was god 😌 -Sapphire