Work Text:
The sounds of fireworks rumbled outside his window, illuminating the dark sky. Avery sat up with a jolt, nearly toppling over in his swivel chair. Ugh, my head.. It's pounding, he thought to himself, opting to keep his head between his knees. His room was shrouded in darkness, aside from the laptop illuminating his desk, and the window's periodic glow. The chair made a satisfying sound as he rolled forward. THWACK! Unfortunately he forgot he was curled up, and ended up hitting his head at the edge of his desk.
Damn, I really just spent my whole night playing minecraft instead of watching the countdown he thought to himself. He was still rubbing his head as he propped himself up in the chair. Looking back at his screen, he was met with the Minecraft main menu.
“Shit.. DEREK!” Frantically, Avery grabbed his mouse, rapidly clicking through the options. Anxiety was building in his stomach, his heart was palpitating. It felt as if something was lodged in his throat. “Where is it.. Where is it?! WHY ISN'T IT OPENING?" He was met with an error screen, before closing his launcher and opening it again.
Failed to load world in Safe Mode.
This world contains invalid or corrupted save data.
Frantic, he tried loading it numerous times.
Failed to load world in Safe Mode.
This world contains invalid or corrupted save data.
Failed to load world in Safe Mode.
This world contains invalid or corrupted save data.
Failed to load world in Safe Mode.
This world contains invalid or corrupted save data.
Failed to load world in Safe Mode.
This world contains invalid or corrupted save data.
Failed to load world in Safe Mode.
This world contains invalid or corrupted save data.
But all to no avail.
He frantically searched tutorials, scoured through reddit posts, and read through minecraft forums, but no matter what he did he was met with the same screen. He sunk back into his chair, dread overcoming him. He closed his eyes, hands rubbing over his face in an irritating motion. Please, please, what would Derek do?
He shot back up in his seat. He opened his files and checked his recordings. Thankfully it was saved. Without much further thought, he watched through it, replaying it in specific parts in hopes that he may catch something he originally missed.
Then it abruptly ended. Where did the rest of it go? He saw something flash in the chat near the end, and he typed it into his browser. Derek's drive! Man, what infinite knowledge does to you. Met with two files, he clicked on the google doc.
“And thanks to you, I got to see the beauty of this universe.. You're capable of great things.. It doesn't take a god for me to figure that out. I know it because I know you.”
His mouth was agape, his stomach twisting with every word. His breath grew shallower as he continued. It was difficult to pry his eyes away from the letter, reading it over and over. His vision blurred, and his eyes stung. As his hands shook, he off tabbed and began playing the recording.
He's been up for hours at this point. The sun was taunting Avery, its light making its way through the cracks in the blinds as it rose. His eyes felt sensitive to the light, irritated from the tears that fell from his eyes. Questions were swirling in his mind. Why the hell did I back up on the platform? Why couldn't I do more? How was I supposed to mourn someone I barely knew?
It wasn’t fair. He only got to meet the man he spent hours looking for, who cared so much for him, only for him to be ripped away when he was just out of reach. Avery could feel something tugging at his chest as he was curled up in his seat. He remained in a daze despite the constant ringing of his digitized clock.
***
Avery dragged himself out of his chair at some point, feeling sluggish in his movements. The tears that dried left an uncomfortable residue on his face. He still had a shift to cover later that day. He slowly made his way to the kitchen in his apartment. It was a stereotypical apartment kitchen, old tiled floors, white countertops. On the windowsill there are multiple potted plants growing. He grabbed the instant coffee from the cabinet littered with sticky notes. Opening up the jar emitted a fragrant smell.
The steam swirled up, undoing the remnants of tears before he took a sip. Would Der be the type to drink his coffee sweet? Without much further thought, he got some milk out of his fridge and dropped a couple sugar cubes in his coffee. Not how he'd prefer to drink it personally, but Derek seemed the type to customize his drinks.
But what type of person was Derek? From the interactions with Avery, as well as the videos, he seemed to be well calculated and analytical, but what was he really like? What was his favorite color? What type of music did he listen to? Small details that he'd never come to know. “Shit.. I'm gonna be late.” Avery gulped down the rest of his coffee before he made a dash to get ready.
The afternoon sun bore into the train, the air a little stuffy from the amount of people who got on. Unfortunately Avery was left standing, holding onto one of the dangling handles for support. His button up was all wrinkled beneath his thick sweater. The grip felt grimy in his hand. He yawned, eyes watering, but quickly shut when a sharp glint of light pierced his eyes. He opened them and saw an odd fellow holding onto a bike. Who the hell wears a motorcycle helmet for a normal ass pedal bike???, he thought to himself.
What caught Avery’s eyes however was the golden hue on the man’s helmet, a little reminiscent of someone's armour. Despite its tackiness, the color under the golden hour was mesmerizing. Deep red accents in the shape of flames traced beneath the face shield. Would Derek be the type to own a gold of this hue? Maybe he’d wear intricate jewelry with beautifully cut gems encased in a detailed frame. Or maybe he was a simple man, the type to wear a dainty design that would be versatile amongst his other articles of clothing.
Maybe- “Oi, quit your staring, yeah?” He realized he was staring at the helmeted man for way too long. “I’m really sorry sir..” Embarrassed, he quickly turned around. He got off a stop early, opted to walk the rest of the way to work. The train was getting stuffy anyways.
Avery was walking on the sidewalk, cold air blowing against his cheeks. The concrete had been making satisfying taps underneath his work shoes. He couldn't help but stare at the small patch of blue flowers growing on the grass, slowly withering in the cold weather. He plucked one, twirled it between his index and thumb. Would Der be the type to pick flowers on his strolls?
He sat behind the front desk, clocking in before he began handling reception. The hotel he worked at was lavished, rodded lights hanging off of a fixture high up in the ceiling. The floor was marble, polished in a way to make it almost of a reflective quality. The little flower he picked was placed on a sticky note near his keyboard, left to wither. It was mundane work, carrying out repetitive actions, holding conversations that many would deem useless. Avery found himself being a little more attentive than usual of the people he was checking in, paying for the features each person had.
What would Derek look like? With each person that passed by, he could only imagine the structure his face would take, the expressions his face could convey. Maybe he'd be the type where his face would betray his words.
He heard laughter from the group near the lounge area, surrounding the fireplace. It looked like a group of people were planning where to get dinner judging from their attire. Would Derek have a hearty laugh?
“Excuse me.” A voice spoke out, distinct with a little rasp. Avery blinked away his trance, staring a little too long. He cleared his throat a little, and in the most customer service voice he could muster, “I am so sorry, I got a little distracted.” He took the ID and card sheepishly. Looking back at the man, he took note of the features the man had as he compared him to the ID picture. He noticed the sharp features the man had, shiny dark hair cut into messy layers that complemented the overall shape of his face. He was dressed in what seemed to be buttoned up under all the layers, holding a bouquet. Would Derek have sharp features like this guy? Dressed in business casual clothes? Maybe he’d be the type to wear a leather jacket with all his outfits. What if he had a squeaky voice that contrasted his stoic?
“Here go you sir, I hope you enjoy your evening!” Avery plastered a smile as he handed back the items. The man stood for a moment, observing Avery’s behavior. He looked a little too knowing. “I don’t mean to intrude, but you look a little down.” Shifting his grip, he took a stem out of the bouquet he was holding, handing Avery a white lily. “I hope your evening gets better than mine.”
Avery observed the flower in his hand, as the footsteps of the man faded away. The delicate petals were of a warm hue under the hotel lighting, leaves still fresh. He couldn’t help but fight against the frown that was forming on his lips. A tear threatened to disturb the softness of the petals. He abruptly stood up. Without looking at his coworker, he stated, “I need a minute.”
**
The Bradford pears had been in full bloom, the weather a little warmer. The sun felt a little brighter, engulfing anything beneath it in its gentle warmth. It had been a while since Avery tried checking the world. He knew no amount of tutorials would fix the bug, but he could never bring himself to delete it. He stopped using the laptop as well, opting to keep it on a shelf. A dried white lily was placed on top alongside a sealed envelope. His own personal letter addressed to Derek, one he'll never get to read.
He kept a copy of Derek's letter with him, held it close. He found himself reading it occasionally, whenever he needed to ground himself or sought for a source of encouragement. All this time had passed by, yet he learned nothing. His assumptions about Derek would never prove results, and his speculation would never give him an answer to who Derek was.
But maybe this was enough, seeing his determination and watching his smarts in action in the brief time they shared. Knowing that Derek was the type of person willing to dive into carcosa for someone he cared for. Knowing that Derek saw him as someone special, worthy of sacrifice and living.
He’ll never know what Derek looked like, only able to conjure him in the faces of people passing by, or pretend to hear his voice through the affirmations of strangers. He’ll never know his favorite scent, his hobbies, or what he liked watching on Sunday afternoons, but Avery knew one thing.
“Whatever you do at the crossroads. Keep going forward.”
Or something like that.