Work Text:
“Sunoo?”
Heeseung called as he opened the door to their apartment, wanting to know where his boyfriend was.
Him and Sunoo had been dating for as long as they could remember. Actually, screw that, they were married now.
They loved each other more than they loved anyone else, specially Heeseung to Sunoo. He’d do anything for him. And when he says anything, he means it. He’d give up the world to him, he worked nonstop just to buy him the prettiest ring there was on the market, even if there was a 1% that Sunoo might’ve rejected him. But he didn’t care, because even if that ended up being the case, he still loves Sunoo, and he deserves it.
But, of course, Sunoo ended up accepting enthusiastically. That was the best decision he could’ve made, because now, they’re happier than they ever were before meeting each other.
Sunoo saved Heeseung’s life. Quite literally.
Him and his parents didn’t get along, to the point that they neglected him and left him without food, and Heeseung had to go to his grandmas just to survive the week.
He loved his grandma. She was nothing like his mother— she was kind, caring, supportive and loved him more than anyone has. And that’s why, when she died, his heart broke apart.
His life was miserable, he had no one on his side. School days were hell. Everyone stared at him like he was weird, they picked at him, even the teachers gave him bad grades out of spite. His home life was empty, he barely even saw his parents and if he did, they’d just act like he wasn’t even there. The only reason they kept him was because he was still a minor, but as soon as he turned 18, they kicked him out.
He was lucky enough to have met a boy his age. He saw him in the streets and offered help, a job.
“You can go work for my dad at his restaurant, where you can also stay at one of our guest rooms”
He still remembers those exact words. The words that came from the mouths of the boy he now loved most.
“My name’s Kim Sunoo, by the way.”
Heeseung had just stared in awe. It had been… what? Months? Years? Since someone had talked to him in such a sweet tone. Ever since his grandma died, every little word directed towards him felt sharp, venomous.
But this boys voice was pure honey. It was like every time his mouth opened, butterflies flied out.
Heeseung accepted with tears in his eyes, thanking him with what felt like millions of times.
His father was the kindest man he had ever met. He treated him like his real son, fed him — even sometimes double portions without Heeseung asking— and showed him true love. Heeseung was so grateful for everything. The shop was small, and yet they took him in without hesitation. They knew taking a teenager in sounded like new financial problems, but they decided to anyway.
When Heeseung confessed to Sunoo and he accepted, he showed no hesitation telling his father. He knew the latter would accept them, and that’s exactly what happened.
He even cried in happiness when he saw Sunoo accept Heeseung’s proposal.
He loves Heeseung more than his real dad ever has. And Heeseung loves him back just as much.
But back to Sunoo — his real savior.
Sunoo is the human Heeseung loves most in his life. His heart is full of him — full of his love. Sunoo treated him better than anyone ever had, and Heeseung bared his heart to him. His soul.
He tries to be the best husband Sunoo could ever have. The best husband, that if they ever leave each other, that his love and devotion would be enough to let him know that he’s enough — always was, always will be.
Sunoo saved him…
And that’s why, he wants to save him, too.
“Sunoo…?”
He opens the door to their shared bedroom. Nothing, just an unmade bed a bunch of tissues in the floor, meaning Sunoo was around.
His next destination was their practice room, where they often danced together—just to forget about the world and focus on each other, getting lost in the rhythm of their movements together.
But he’s not there, either.
The only other location he could think about right now was the bathroom. When he got there, he knocked. They may be married, and know each other more than they know themselves, but Heeseung still didn’t want Sunoo uncomfortable. Sunoo has always said he was fine with it, but Heeseung still felt like he had boundaries, and he chose to respect them.
When he knocked, he could hear soft sniffling. That was enough proof that Sunoo was inside.
“Sunoo honey, are you alright?”
There was no answer, which fueled Heeseung’s worries. Sunoo inside the bathroom, paired with the sniffling and occasional sobs he heard from inside, was enough to know for sure something was wrong.
Maybe he had fallen when showering? Or slipped and banged his head on a rough object? Whatever it was, was enough to make Heeseung open the unlocked door.
What he saw had his eyes widening like plates in horror. He hadn’t expected to see this, he hadn’t even been processing what he was staring at before it hit him.
Sunoo was hunched up with his knees to his chest against the bathroom floor, back pressed against the wall. He had tears rolling down his cheeks, his eyes and nose puffy and red as he stared at the floor blankly. His wrists were bleeding, drops falling down his pale skin, his other hand gripping one of their kitchen knifes so hard his knuckles were white and his fist trembled.
“Sunoo!”
Heeseung immediately ran over to Sunoo and kneeled infront of him, words stammering out of him in shock. “what happened? Are you—“
He turned over to the knife in his grip, his face morphing into concern, sadness and exasperation all at once.
“Did you do this to yourself, sweetheart?” Heeseung hesitantly asked — partly because he didn’t wanna trigger a sensitive Sunoo, but also because it was almost hard to believe. Hard to imagine. Hard to see..
It took a few seconds, but Sunoo managed to shakily nod. He didnt want to meet Heeseung’s eyes, thinking he was gonna be met with a look of pity and what screamed “are you crazy?”. Instead, when he did look up, he was met with such gentle, such caring eyes, it almost overwhelmed him. How a look could make him shiver.
Sunoo let out a weak sob, body aching and mind running. Heeseung carefully pulled the bloody knife away from him, placing it on the ground and sliding it away. He slowly took Sunoo’s wrist and inspected it, his heart doing a sad, slow beat.
“What’s on your mind, baby? Why… why did you do this?” He asked in a soft voice, caressing Sunoos arm where it’s not cut. Meanwhile, he reached for the sink cabinet, pulling out the emergency kit full of bandages. He let Sunoo gather his words while he did this, eyes not leaving his husbands as he treated his open wrists.
“It’s… it’s stupid. This is stupid. I’m stupid!” The younger boy mumbled, his fists tightening — to which Heeseung stopped to refrain from more blood escaping his open wounds— angrily.
“Nothing coming out of you is stupid, Sunoo.” Heeseung says, and he’s right. He means it. To him, anything Sunoo says is important to him. He could be pointing at a squirrel and say all kinds of unimportant facts about them, but to Heeseung, they’re more than unimportant facts. Theyre knowledge. They’re words coming out of Sunoo’s mouth and his interests. And anything Sunoo finds important enough to tell Heeseung, are important to Heeseung as well.
“You could be talking about bricks, and I’d listen with interest. You could talk about literally anything, and as long as they’re coming from you, I’ll listen for as long as I need to.” he caressed Sunoo’s face, wiping away the tears on his cheek. “I love you, Sun. So please, whatever it is you’re feeling, let it all out on me.”
Sunoo sniffles, looking back down at his now bandaged up wrists. The bandages are now red, but they’re doing their job of keeping Sunoo from losing too much blood. “I- I just…”
Sunoo’s lips tremble, parting a little like the words are right there—so close—but they just won’t come out. His fingers twitch in his lap, restless, unsure, like he doesn’t even know what to do with himself anymore. Like his own body feels unfamiliar.
“I… I don’t know how to say it…”
His voice comes out small. Too small. It cracks halfway through, uneven and weak— nothing like the soft, sweet tone Heeseung’s used to hearing. He swallows hard, eyes stuck on the blood stained bandages wrapped around his wrists.
“It’s just—” he breathes in shakily, shoulders rising and falling unevenly. “It’s everything.”
He pauses again. Like he’s trying to hold it together. Like he’s failing.
“I wake up, and I feel tired… and then I feel guilty for being tired because I have you. I have everything.” His hands clench tighter, nails pressing into his skin. “You gave me everything, Heeseung. Everything I could ever want and more and I still—”
His voice snaps, a sob cutting him off before he can finish.
“I still feel like this.”
His chest rises and falls too fast now, breathing getting messy, uneven. He tries to calm down, but it’s not working. Not at all.
“I see you working all the time, coming home exhausted, and you still smile at me like I’m… like I’m something good.” A small, broken laugh slips out, empty. “But I’m not. I’m not, Heeseung.”
He finally looks up, and his eyes are just… wrecked. Completely.
“I feel like I’m just… something you have to take care of. Like a responsibility you didn’t ask for but still keep anyway.”
His voice drops, quieter now, barely there.
“You saved me, you know… but I don’t feel like I’m saving you back.”
Tears keep falling now, one after another, no stopping them.
“I try so hard to be okay. I really do. I smile, I laugh, I act like everything’s fine because that’s who I’m supposed to be, right? That’s who you fell in love with.” His hands shake again, grabbing at his shirt this time. “But it’s so exhausting, Heeseung. I’m so tired of pretending.”
His breathing gets worse, shaky, almost panicky.
“And every time you leave for work, I keep thinking…” he hesitates, like the words themselves scare him. “What if one day you realize I’m not worth all of this? What if you get tired too?”
He shakes his head quickly, tears falling faster. “I know it sounds stupid, I know it does, but I can’t stop thinking it. I can’t make it quiet.” His voice drops to almost nothing. “It just keeps telling me I’m not enough. That I’ll never be enough.”
His shoulders cave in, like he’s trying to make himself smaller, disappear.
“So I just… I didn’t know how to make it stop.” His eyes flick down to his wrists again, guilt written all over his face. “I thought if I felt something else—something stronger—maybe it would drown it out. Even just for a second.”
He bites his lip, but it doesn’t stop the sob that slips out.
“I didn’t want to die!” he says quickly, almost rushing it out. “I just… didn’t want to feel like this anymore.”
His voice breaks completely now, falling apart at the edges.
“I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry…”
Heeseung’s heart shattered. His Husband, the love of his life has been feeling like this and he hasn’t even noticed? He should’ve have known. He really should’ve.
But there’s no time for that right now, all he has to focus on is Sunoo. Heeseungs face softened, eyes searching Sunoo’s fox shaped ones.
“It’s okay, Sunsun. Your feelings… they’re completely valid.”
Heeseung’s voice is soft, but it’s shaky. Like he’s really trying to keep it together and not just break down right there with him.
He scoots closer without even thinking about it, hands gentle as he cups Sunoo’s face. Careful. Always careful. His thumb wipes at the tears on his cheeks, even though more just keep falling anyway.
“But please, you have to know one thing.”
He leans in a little, close enough that their foreheads are basically touching, eyes locked onto Sunoo’s like he needs him to really hear this.
“you saved me, Sun. That day, when I met you on the sides of the streets and you talked to me… that was the best day of my life. You showed me warmth, kindness and love. You introduced me to new family, who became my second world, and loved me harder than I had ever been loved before.”
His hand slides down to hold Sunoo’s, fingers lacing together carefully, avoiding the bandages, like he’s scared of hurting him more than he already is.
“Before that, I was miserable. My life was empty — I had nothing waiting for me on the other side. My childhood was boring and hard, and my school life was trash. My parents kicked me out, and at that point, I contemplated just..ending it all. To leave this place, end my existence having lived a sad and pathetic life.”
His grip tightens just slightly—not enough to hurt, just enough to ground himself. His eyes don’t leave Sunoo for a second.
“But then, you came up to me like an Angel. I finally saw the light, sweetheart. And the moment I stepped into your home, was the moment I stepped into my personal heaven.”
He lets out a breath, a little shaky, his other hand going back to Sunoo’s cheek, thumb brushing over his skin again and again.
“I confessed to you because I liked you. I proposed because I love you, Sun. And in no point have I ever said or felt otherwise. You’re everything to me, without you, I wouldn’t have been myself. You’re worth everything, every penny and every minute of my life. You are my life. So please, im baring my heart to you right now — believe me when I say; I love you, my sun.”
His voice dips at the end, softer, more vulnerable—like he’s placing his entire heart in Sunoo’s hands and just… trusting him with it.
“Whenever I get out of work, my first thought is you. Whenever I come home, all I want to see you and your gorgeous smile. You light up my day, my life. Everytime I go to work, I just think to myself… ‘the money will go to us, to Sunoo’. And suddenly, I all have all the motivation I need to get through the day.”
He lets out the tiniest breath of a laugh, like it’s just… obvious to him.
“It’s not stupid or unreasonable to think that way — no feelings you have are. But I’m here to confirm your doubts. I’m here to tell you, no. I wont leave you, ever. We won’t part, even if any of us dies. If we ever do part, it’ll be because you left me. And if you ever do, it’ll hurt. It will, but as long as you’re happy, I’ll accept anything.”
He leans in more, their foreheads fully pressed together now, his eyes closing for a second like he just needs to be close to him.
“But I know… I know we won’t. Because we love each other, and I trust ever word you say, including every time you hug me tight and whisper you love me like a prayer.”
His thumb keeps moving against Sunoo’s skin, slow and steady, like he’s something precious to him. He is something precious to him.
“And if you feel like you can’t keep pretending anymore? Then don’t. Don’t pretend with me, Sunny. With me, you can lay yourself bare. Because I love any version of you. I love you, past you, future you— you in any universe, I’ll always adore. You hold the key to my heart, the key not even I have. I trust you to keep it safe… and I know you will.”
His voice drops a little, softer, like this part matters just a bit more.
“We can find a way to stop these thoughts inside your beautiful head, I’ll help you. Always. I’ll be there whenever you need me. If you’re angry, show it. If you’re sad, cry it out. I’ll lend you my shoulder… I’ll give you everything you need, my love.”
He squeezes Sunoo’s hand gently, like a quiet promise.
“And if you need some space, just say so. Your comfort is my priority, and I set all my priorities straight.”
There’s no hesitation in him. Not even a flicker.
“You’re my God, My Universe…”
He presses a soft kiss against Sunoo’s forehead, lingering there for a moment, like he doesn’t want to pull away.
“And you’ll always be, My Darling.”
Sunoo’s eyes widened, like he just heard something completely unexpected. His eyes turn soft and looks down, his lips trembling.
“…You’re lying.”
Sunoo’s voice is really quiet. Not mad, not accusing—just… scared. Like if he believes it too fast, it’ll all disappear.
“You have to be…” his breath catches, chest moving unevenly. “No one… no one thinks like that. Not about me.”
His fingers grab onto Heeseung’s shirt tighter, bunching it up like he needs something to hold onto or he might fall apart.
“I’m not— I’m not all those things you’re saying. I’m not your heaven, I’m not—” his words come out messy, stepping over each other. “I’m just… me. And me is—”
He stops, biting his lip hard, like he hates the word sitting on his tongue.
Worthless.
He doesn’t say it, but it’s there anyway. In the way he curls in on himself. In how tight he’s holding on.
“I see how tired you are…” he whispers, voice shaky, eyes dropping down. “You think I don’t notice? You come home late, your eyes are all heavy, and you still smile at me like nothing’s wrong.”
His throat tightens, another shaky breath slipping out.
“That’s not fair.” he says, voice breaking a little. “It’s not fair that you give me everything and I can’t even give you a version of me that isn’t… broken.”
His fingers twitch like he wants to let go—but he doesn’t.
“…I don’t know how to stop it.” he admits quietly, words slower now. “I try to think about what you tell me, about how much you love me and— and I want to believe it. I really do.”
His brows scrunch together, frustrated, overwhelmed.
“But it’s like there’s this voice in my head that’s louder.” his breathing gets uneven again. “It keeps telling me you’re gonna wake up one day and realize you made a mistake.”
His grip loosens for a second… then tightens again.
“That you could’ve had someone better. Someone easier. Someone who doesn’t make you worry like this.”
His shoulders shake, a quiet sob slipping out.
“And I hate it. I hate thinking like that because it’s about you and you don’t deserve that.” his voice cracks again. “You don’t deserve someone who doubts you when you’ve never given me a reason to.”
He looks up again, eyes all red and watery, completely worn out.
“…I don’t want to leave you.” he says quickly, a bit panicked. “I don’t. I don’t want to be the reason we ever end.”
His grip softens just a little, but he still doesn’t let go.
“I just…” he sniffles, voice dropping again. “I don’t know how to be okay.”
There’s a small pause. It feels longer than it is. His fingers shift a little against Heeseung’s hand, hesitant.
“…Can you… stay with me?”
His voice turns quiet, barely audible if not for the quiet room.
“…just for a bit.”
Heeseung sighs, but he’s not annoyed. He’s not tired. He’s just…disappointed. Disappointed in himself. He looks, stare and pays attention to his husband every time he’s near, and he’s never been able to notice this. His emotions. His feelings.
He moves so he’s on Sunoo’s side, cradling his head to rest on his shoulders — who melted right against it.
“You don’t have to be okay.”
Sunoo looks back up at Heeseung with seemingly confused eyes. Heeseung smiles fondly and fiddles with Sunoo’s fingers, moving to caress the palm.
”you’re human, just like everyone else. No one is completely fine, ever. I’m not okay, you’re not okay, and that’s just what makes us… us, baby.”
Suddenly, he reaches into the pockets of his work slacks, taking out a black marker. He carefully undoes Sunoo’s bandages from his wrists — which have now stopped bleeding— and brings it to his lips to remove the marker cap.
Slowly but firmly, he begins drawing pretty stars around the cuts. Each one represents the sizes of all cuts, and even added hearts to them. When he was done, he stared deeply into Sunoo’s eyes and brung the wrist to his lips— softly kissing it, full of love and care. Devotion Sunoo can see directly through Heeseung’s eyes.
”These scars… they’re proof you’re human, honey. You bleed— just like all of us. So why can’t you feel, too?”
Heeseung rested his forehead against Sunoo’s — heart overcome with such love for this man.
”The moment they heal, is the moment you do, too. And I’ll be there to help you, Darling. You saved me, in more ways than I could ever describe. And… I want to be the one that saves you, too. I want to help you heal. To watch you overcome those emotions you hate so much.”
Sunoo’s eyes watered — staring at the man who loves him most in the world. “And… and what if I don’t heal? What if I just stay like this, broken, even when you’re trying so hard to fix me?”
Heeseung’s brows furrowed. “There’s nothing to fix. You’re perfect in your own way. Everything to me is worth loving. If you stay “broken” , then I’ll be there to hold you through it. I’ll love you unconditionally, Sunoo. Because you love me unconditionally too.”
”I’ll always be here for you, Sunshine. I’ll stay right by your side, now and forever. Not even death will do us part — my heart will always belong to you.”
He kissed Sunoo’s tear streaked cheek, slowly moving to his lips. They’re pouty, but still the lips Heeseung loves so much— the lips owned by his husband. The love of his life.
“I love you, Kim Sunoo.” He kissed his forehead and burried his nose ontop of his head, holding him close — like if he let go, he’d lose him. “You’re worth everything to me. I’m not religious, but i thank god every night for allowing me to have you in my arms. I adore you, you’re my life. And if you ever feel like other wise, then just think about this exact conversation.”
“If you ever need reminders, I’ll gladly help. I’ll chant you how much I love you — how I adore you. Never once in my life have I ever regretted marrying you— or meeting you. I feel so lucky to have you love me back, to have you accepted my proposal. That was the best night of my life, and ever since I met you, I knew I’d want to spend the rest of my life by your side.”
”as long as im here, no one will hurt you. Because you’re my world, my Universe. You’re enough, more than enough. If I ever lose you… I’ll lose myself as well.”
Sunoo stayed silent, soaking in those words. They were exactly what he had to heard. What he needed to hear. He stares at Heeseung for a bit too long — as if looking for any insincerity, finding nothing but adoration and honesty in them— before a loud sob wretched out of him and burried his face into Heeseung’s chest.
”I— I love you, Heeseungie!” He cried out, one hand gripping Heeseung’s bicep while the other weakly punched his shoulder. “I love you so much…”
Heeseungs heart tightened at the heartfelt admission, feeling himself beginning to tear up from the intense love he feels for this boy. “I love you more, baby. I always did, always will…”
”Stay with here me. Please..”
A tear slid down Heeseung’s cheek as he hugged Sunoo, a small smile attached to his lips.
”I always will, My love. Always.”