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Language:
English
Series:
Part 5 of GC-HR Empire , Part 1 of Hollanov domestic
Stats:
Published:
2026-04-15
Completed:
2026-05-02
Words:
30,784
Chapters:
8/8
Comments:
169
Kudos:
591
Bookmarks:
71
Hits:
10,923

Schrödinger’s Hockey Camp: The Hollanov Lab That May or May Not Exist

Summary:

Hockey Viz But Gay @HockeyVizButGay
honestly the funniest part is a guy has ONE good pre‑season game and his replies are just “did you go to the hollanov brain sauna”
💬 7 🔁 31 ❤️ 211

Notes:

I am so overwhelmingly happy for the response I got for the Empire series, and wanted to share the beginnings of the new fic I am writing... basically the post-retirement fic.

yes, most of Empire 1.0 - the Hollanov Empire - has been written and lined up for posting, and Empire 2.0 will focus on Haas post-Hollanov-Centaurs.

This is the... teaser of what Hollanov could be doing in retirement. It is not finished, though mostly mapped out on a document that is bordering on 100 pages long of just timelines, summaries and fic ideas.

If you enjoyed, thank you for reading! I am on tumblr as @khalehla if you want to yell at me

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Instagram

@jonas_98 · 18h

summer grindddd 💪🏒

📹[REEL] 0:12

  • boys stretching, foam rolling, bad EDM
  • someone throws a ball at the camera
  • at 0:06, the frame whips past a row of stalls
  • inside the last stall door: a printed group photo taped up
  • 6 skaters, 3 goalies
  • 2 older guys on the edge

Comments:

@hockeygirl17: who’s the old dude in the corner lmao

@dennis_u18: is that HOLLANDER???

@goalieparent79: so proud of you boys!! 🥰

@nhldraftscoutmaybe: this looks like sweden 👀 so pretty!

---

📩 From: @dennis_u18 ➡️ @tomas_hockey

dennis_u18: hey sorry to bug u but is it true u trained w hollander & rozanov this summer???

like that pic in ur room on jonas’ story… is that the gay camp thing or

tomas_hockey: its just a camp

(and idk what ur talking about)

dennis_u18: ok but if its real thats sick as hell

Seen · 2:04 AM

---

gayhockeyfeelings.com

1 comment · 23 notes

Is There a Secret Hollanov Clinic in Europe?

Look, I’m not saying there’s a secret lab where Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov drag ten poor souls to gay hockey boot camp every summer.

I’m just saying:

– there’s a very sus locker room pic on IG with Hollander half visible in the corner
– at least one Euro pro hit everyone with “no comment” when asked about “off‑season stuff in Sweden”
– and if anyone was going to invent gay Hogwarts for hockey, it’d be those two.

Is it real? Probably not.

Do I want it to be? Extremely yes.

#hollanov #gothockey #gayhogwarts #isthisloreyet

COMMENTS:

hockeymathgirl: they literally run camps out of new york, munich & ottawa this is probably just that but colder

lackofdecorum_81: let me DREAM

---

Too gay to play @gayhockeyfeelings

Leaked audio – Euro pro team practice, hallway mic

🔊 Length: 0:47

💬 184 🔁 332 ❤️ 1.3K

[transcript]

UNIDENTIFIED MALE1:

Ok but he has ONE good game. Relax

UNIDENTIFIED MALE2:

Did you see his PK though?? he actually knew where to stand

UNIDENTIFIED MALE3 (off):

Yes yes he went to gay Hogwarts... geez

(laughter, sticks clacking)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE1:

That place isn’t even real. its like that monster in a lake - what they call? Nessie

UNIDENTIFIED MALE2:

Nessie doesn’t fix your F3 routes

UNIDENTIFIED MALE3:

Five days in Sweden, they take your phone and your soul and give you a new brain

UNIDENTIFIED MALE1:

Sometimes guy just stop eating burger for breakfast

UNIDENTIFIED MALE2:

Sometimes they get yelled at by Hollander and Rozanov, allegedly

Podcast Recaps At Lunch @WorkdayWhistles

two mins for chatting just casually went “if hollz & ilya wanna scream at ten dudes in a barn thats just their weird summer thing” and i feel like that’s canon now

💬 3 🔁 17 ❤️ 112

Neutral Zone Hottakes @neutralzonehottake

locker room guys calling it gay hogwarts, podcast guys calling it a barn, analytics guys calling it “sample size.” same myth, different dialect

💬 4 🔁 22 ❤️ 141

Stats Girlie With Feelings @hockeymathgirl

“five days, they take your phone and your soul and give you a new brain” is literally just film camp with extra cardio but sure, lets keep calling it gay hogwarts

💬 6 🔁 19 ❤️ 133

Inefficient Shooter Support Group @pucksIntoShinpads

me, watching some 28yo 3rd liner suddenly figure out PK routes after “working in europe”: you know what. maybe the barn is real

💬 2 🔁 14 ❤️ 87

---

“Two Minutes For Chatting”
Ep 143: Skills Coaches, Secret Labs, and Other Off‑Season Nonsense

Host:

Ok, real talk: what’s the deal with this secret Hollanov camp thing. Gay Hogwarts, munich, whatever the kids are calling it

Guest:

I don't know man, I’ve heard the stories. Five days in some tiny rink, no cameras, just them and like 10 guys

Host:

That sounds like either a cult or a yoga retreat

Guest::

Every NHL guy is doing some weird summer thing now, right? Toronto skills coaches, Minnesota skating dudes, Finnish edge camps.

If Hollzy & Rozanov wanna scream at ten dudes in a barn about reads, that’s just like… endgame version of that

Host:

Do you actually buy that it’s THEM‑them though? like in person

Guest:

…yeah.

Do I buy that every time some guy has a hot October he “went to gay Hogwarts”? Absolutely not

Host:

So your message to the truthers is: touch grass

Guest:

Touch grass, touch video, chill

---

Shot Map Gremlin @xGnerd420

ok i know we’re all memeing gay hogwarts but i bring you: DATA

[🧵thread]

💬 3 🔁 26 ❤️ 162

↩️Shot Map Gremlin @xGnerd420

1/ winger X, age 28. last yr: “fine” 3rd liner. this yr: quietly driving a 2nd line.

– controlled entries up
– fewer low‑prob point bombs
– more actual slot attacks

💬 1 🔁 18 ❤️ 120

↩️↩️ Shot Map Gremlin @xGnerd420

2/ quote from his camp scrum: “i worked on my reads a lot in europe this summer, some people really helped me see the ice differently.”

not proof. but the graph is graphing.

💬 5 🔁 22 ❤️ 149

↩️ Dad In The Cheap Seats @BeerLeaguePhil

sometimes guys just… get better??

💬 1 🔁 2 ❤️ 31

↩️ Aging Curve Truther @CurveIsCurved

at TWENTY EIGHT tho the curve is supposed to be curving DOWN lmao

🔁 4 ❤️ 44

---


Website screencap – DECISION CAMP, Turku

DECISION CAMP

4‑DAY SMALL‑GROUP FOR PRO + TOP JUNIOR F/D

✔️ offensive reads

✔️ neutral zone support

✔️ puck‑touch efficiency

Staff: ex‑Liiga, ex‑NHL, current skills coaches

Learn the reads, become your best

 

COMMENTS

3rdpairinglegend: discount gay hogwarts LETS GOOOO

coachlife22: if u tag it that we’re never getting insured 😭

dmanwithaplan: if hollander & rozanov aren’t personally yelling at me i’m not paying 800€ sorry

 

Discount Skills Camp Hunter @EuroDrillsGuy

every euro town now: “we dont SAY it’s gay hogwarts but we do say ‘reads’ 7 times per paragraph”

💬 1 🔁 13 ❤️ 95

Queer Hockey Syllabus @GayHockeyStudies

original hollanov clinic: mythic, possibly apocryphal.

knockoffs: very real, mostly vibes, still probably useful

💬 3 🔁 20 ❤️ 138


Too gay to play @gayhockeyfeelings

Screenshot – team group chat (“SummerSkate_Chat”), names blacked out

[████████]:

If Ka██ has one more good game, I’m going to start asking who brainwashed him.

[████████]:

Gay Hogwarts.

[████████]:

That’s not real.

[████████]:

Hallway audio already leaked, lol.

Enjoy your podcast debut.

[████████]:

I told you, they take your phone for five days and give you decision making instead. That's it

[████████]:

So it’s rehab for dumb hockey brain.

[████████]:

Pretty much.

💬 247 🔁 812 ❤️ 2.7K

↩️ Third Pairing, Third Coffee @3rdpairinglegend

euro guys joking “they took his phone 5 days and gave him a new brain” about gay hogwarts is killing me. thats just… player dev with extra steps

💬 3 🔁 15 ❤️ 101

↩️ Locker Room Leak Enjoyer @StaalsAndGossip

the blurred gc screenshot where they literally call it rehab for dumb hockey brain 😭
10/10 would attend

💬 4 🔁 19 ❤️ 134

↩️ Semi‑Pro Chaos Winger @halfboardsChaos

imagine being hollander & rozanov and hearing kids call your very serious teaching retreat gay hogwarts and “the barn”

💬 2 🔁 11 ❤️ 88

↩️ Middle Six Anonymous @2ndLineFeelings

team: “he just matured”

euro teammates: “nah he went to gay hogwarts and they deleted his bad decisions”

💬 1 🔁 9 ❤️ 73


Email – forwarded inside Irina Foundation

Subject: Inquiry re: Summer Clinic & Support

Hi Mrs. Hollander and Game Changers camp,

Big fan of the work you’re doing with the Irina Foundation and Game Changers.

If Hollander/Rozanov are planning to run another small clinic this summer, my client [redacted] would love to be considered. We’d also be happy to support the Foundation at a significant level in exchange for a spot.

Best,

Anthony Rivers

Rivers-Hathaway Sports Management

 

From: Yuna Hollander

To: Anthony Rivers

Subject: Re: Inquiry re: Summer Clinic & Support

Hi Anthony,

Thank you for thinking of the Foundation. You can donate here: [generic Irina Foundation link].

For the clinic, players are invited directly if Shane and Ilya believe they can help them. Contributions do not factor into selection.

We’re not accepting external referrals.

Best,

Yuna Hollander

---

Off‑Season Brain Trust

Anthony: tried the donation angle, got the politest nope ever

Clarissa: lol same. “thank you for the money, the list is still not your business” in very nice words

Gene: they’re leaving $$ on the table, it’s insane

Clarissa: they have $$ already. that’s the problem

Anthony: you’d think one comp slot per summer wouldn’t kill them

Gene: yeah but then its not a lab, its a product. they’re allergic to that part


r/MunichTruthers

“Five days. No cameras. Let’s overthink it.”

a place to:

– argue about whether “gay Hogwarts” is real
– overanalyze PK clips
– cry about not being invited

we are NOT:

– doxxing anyone
– leaking private medical / family stuff
– tolerating homophobia, racism, etc. 2‑min misconduct = ban

MEGATHREAD: who actually went (probably)

feel free to post: clips, graphs, vibes, locker room gossip.

rules:

– no real‑name family/friends
– no “my cousin’s bf’s agent said” without receipts
– be nice or get 2‑min misconducted

[....]

slotMonster88:

ok so hear me out: watch Player A’s PK in 26‑27 vs 27‑28

– stick height is different
– he stops doing that panic pirouette
– routes are way more “Munich arrival” than before

this is either a very smart assistant coach or 5 days in Bavaria

bearsfan420:

“Munich arrival” im crying

existentialgoalie:

guys sometimes coaches get better Too™️

---

Hockey Viz But Gay @HockeyVizButGay

honestly the funniest part is a guy has ONE good pre‑season game and his replies are just “did you go to the hollanov brain sauna”

💬 7 🔁 31 ❤️ 211

↩️ Systems Over Vibes @systemsOverVibes

me, an intellectual: everyone has a skills coach its not that deep

also me at 3am: zooming his gap control frame by frame

💬 3 🔁 19 ❤️ 168

 

Nessie On The Blue Line @LochMessDefenseman

gay hogwarts is my favourite modern cryptid. no footage, no confirmed sightings, just blurry stories and guys coming back from europe slightly better at PK

💬 8 🔁 43 ❤️ 312

Notes:

I am addicted to socmed fics, though I hate having to edit them and come up with plausible comments-shares-likes metrics. but I feel like unhinged socmed fics just fit this part of the story better, so here you go (even if I wanted to QUIT so many times trying to format this thing, hello, you're welcome lol)