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It’s cold. Timothy Drake is standing in the hallway of the Thomas Wayne Military Academy. The large double sided windows are wide open. In front of him is Jason. Jason grins and Tim presses against him shivering against the cold. He’s crying. Jason kisses the top of his head. “Hey Timmy, you miss me?”
-
It’s day twenty-six. He must be declared KIA by now. Lieutenant Wayne would have found the burnt corpse wearing his dog-tags. Jason shuddered. A nameless dead body in war with his name: Jason Todd. He sometimes wondered, to keep himself distracted, who it was that they buried in his place. It didn’t matter anymore. That was Jason Todd now, a corpse, and he? He was Red Hood.
He’s forced to kill the people that used to fall in beside him, that used to give him orders, that used to follow his orders. Young men and women his age trying to stop the Insurgence. He had no choice he had no choice.
The demon in his head commanded it.
The helmet demanded it.
-
He remembered the day that Dick got his Lieutenant’s bar. It felt awkward. He watched as Lt. Wayne shook his hand and gave him encouraging words, but everyone was aware nothing would be the same again. Dick wasn’t the plucky sergeant spitting out quips and bad pun anymore. He was a leader, he was an equal and he had his own soldiers to look after now. He remembered Dick’s big smile while they were leaning on each other. It was a cold night in the trenches. The older man was being shipped out the next day.
“It’s all on you now Little Wing.”
Jason soured, “Who are you calling little?”
Dick chuckled, “You, obviously. Listen. I know we had our problems at first, but you’re the one that has to watch his back now that I’m leaving. You’re his right hand. You’re his… his Robin.”
“Robin?”
“Sure,” Dick nodded easily. “Bruce needs to be in the shadows, you need to be the big red target at his side, you draw his fire and peck back…”
“You’re not the best at metaphors.”
“But you have to promise me, you have to watch out for him Jay.”
“You know I will Di—Lieutenant.”
Dick laughed at the use of his rank and gave a sloppy salute in response.
“Listen, do me another favour. The unit’s getting leave soon. Back to the city, back to the people and stuff. The Outsiders… let’s just say they don’t come up for air that often. One of my little brothers is at the Academy, Timmy.”
Dick handed him a picture, he didn’t really need to, Jason had seen the picture a hundred times before.
“Go see him for me will ya? Tell him I’m okay. You’re total opposites, but I get the feeling you’d get along well.”
Jason was surprised, “You’re trusting me with your brother?”
“He has better taste than you,” Dick teased.
-
He knew him right away of course from that picture Dick always carried around. Jason looked down at it again, well worn, well loved.
“Can’t have any identifiers, keep it for me will ya? Give it back when we next meet or something. Think of it as a promise that we’ll both live through this so that we can bitch at each other when it’s done. Maybe we can all get a picture together. You’re as good as a little brother now after all.”
Four black haired children and one blond: Dick, Tim, Steph, Cass and Damian. The only one smiling was Dick. Damian, the smallest, he couldn’t be more than five then, had a scowl on his face. He was tugging at the blond girl, Steph’s pigtails so she was grimacing. Cass seemed slightly confused at their antics. The middle child Tim looked very solemn. They weren’t actually related. War orphans all of them… like Jason.
-
You don’t get avenged in war. If you’re a soldier and you die you did your duty, but you weren’t murdered.
Although your friends and family might look at it differently.
Jason doesn’t have family.
And Lt. Wayne and Dick are soldiers. They’ve been in the field, they’ve seen young men and women die before. They’ll mourn but…
Well, there’s Tim. He wondered if Tim wants revenge because Jason’s pretty sure he’s dead.
The helmet tells him to kill another of his old comrades again. He does so.
It doesn’t feel like war it feels like murder.
-
There was an electric spark between them when their eyes met. It was funny, Dick and Tim were so similar. Both black haired, blue eyed, slim and wiry build, but Tim had this delicate thing going on that Dick didn’t have. Dick was a solid mug with a goofy cat printed on it, filled with warm hot chocolate; Tim was fine china and green tea, steady and perfect.
“Hey, I’m Jason. Your brother was in my unit,” he handed Tim the picture as proof.
He had stood on the field of battle and he thought he had seen fear, but the look on Timothy Drake’s face was absolute terror. He couldn’t understand it.
“It can’t be—”
“Oh! Jesus! No, sorry, no!” Jason quickly held up his hands. He snatched back the picture and shook his head, “No, no, he’s alive, sorry, sorry.”
Tim crumpled a bit in relief and then glared at him.
“Sorry,” Jason said again. He started smiling because, hey, it was kind of funny in retrospect. Dick probably would have made a dumb joke about it; his little brother crossed his arms defensively.
“You shouldn’t scare people like that,” the young cadet scowled at Jason’s little smile.
“Sorry,” Jason repeated, “No, he’s fine, he’s perfect, but he’s… not getting leave for a while. He was assigned to a special unit—to lead it actually. He won’t be able to write very often either, for his own safety, so instead of big brother you get me instead. Sorry kid. I know you were probably hoping to see him, not a replacement.”
Tim studied him like an intrigued cat might eye a bird then shrugged, “Better than nothing and any news about him would be appreciated. It’ll cool Damian down, little monster’s probably tearing apart Mr. Pennyworth’s house as we speak after not hearing from him for so long.”
-
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.
He wondered what he was doing. If he thought he was dead. He wondered if they gave him his dog-tags, but why would they? He was a friend of his big brother. No one knew about those nights when Tim would sneak out and they would wander the city together. Tim would tell him about what he was studying at the academy; Jason would dismiss it as stupid. Tim would get irritated and irritated Tim was cute. Once, half drunk on life, liquor and the fact that he wasn’t in the fucking trenches Jason leaned down and kissed Irritated Tim on the nose. Irritated Tim became Confused Tim.
Then Confused Tim reached over, grabbed him by the back of the head and pulled him into a real kiss.
Confused Tim was officially the sexiest Tim.
The helmet told him to burn down a building. He tried not to think about who might have been inside it.
-
Tim was always trying to seem more stern and grave, but he was playful. When Jason got him worked up they would run around like little kids trying to tackle each other. He was upbeat and knew exactly how to make Jason laugh when Jason was being bitter about the trenches, the war, or the lack of cigarettes. It didn’t take long for them to stop talking about Dick and start talking about each other.
-
When they found him, when they pulled the helmet off he was whole again, but they wouldn’t put him back with his unit, with any normal unit. He was kept a secret.
“The Red Hood killed our soldiers, Son,” they explained. “They hate you.”
Wow, wasn’t that fucking perfect?
And on top of that he was declared ‘unbalanced.’
But the army knew he was good. They saw what ‘Red Hood’ could do.
Special Unit Outlaw was perfect for him they said.
He’d have to agree.
Especially when he hijacked said team and they went freelance.
That was good times.
-
“So you’re leaving then?” There’s no accusation or even sadness, just finality. Tim knew he would have to go eventually. Leave didn’t last forever. Someone had to shoot the bad guys.
“Tomorrow,” Jason sighed. He was leaning against Tim smoking a cigarette. Even though Tim hated smoking he tolerated it for Jason. He flicked the butt away then put his head on Tim’s shoulder.
“There hasn’t been any word from Dick since you came,” Tim said softly. He was staring out at the harbour.
“He’s fine,” Jason said forcing confidence, “Your brother’s unit is undercover, you might not hear for months, but he’ll be fine. You shouldn’t underestimate your brother. Dick’s a hard guy to kill.”
“What about you?”
“Hm?”
“Are you ‘a hard guy to kill’?”
“My plan is to live forever, so far it seems to be working,” Jason playfully nipped at his ear. Tim didn’t laugh. He brushed his advances away. Oh, Serious Tim, was it?
“I keep my head down, but I do my duty. I promised your brother I’d be around to bitch at when this war ends by keeping this photo. I’ll promise you the same.” He waved the photo in Tim’s face.
“Keep it.”
“Why are you being so distant?”
It was cold as the arctic on Tim’s shoulder.
“Because I’m scared Jason, I’m scared for you.”
Jason wrapped his arms around him and kissed his cheek.
“I’ll rise from my grave and find you if it stops you being sad.”
“Don’t be stupid.”
“I will. I’ll rise and come find you, I promise.”
“Shut up.”
“I’ll tap your great big window in the hall and you’ll open it and freak out because I’m dead, but then I’ll kiss you and you’ll get over it.”
Tim leaned back into his arms.
“You’re ridiculous.” Tim laughed. Jason felt hot tears fall on his arms.
“Yeah, and you’re too serious,” Jason nuzzled against him, “Let’s make the best of my last night in town, shall we?”
-
Roy was a goofy genius. It was like Dick and Tim had become one being with red hair except he wasn’t sexy and he felt more like a little brother than a big one, despite being older.
Kory was…
Terrifying.
And also the most passionate caring person he ever met.
She was also Dick’s ex.
“I love him, he loves me, but we have different ideas of what war really is. Neither of us have given ground. We’re from two different worlds. He’s too in love with Bruce Wayne’s ideals to be completely in love with me and I’m too bitter from what has been done to the world by people like Bruce Wayne and his ideals to be completely in love with him.”
Jason had to agree. All the lessons of war he learned under Lt. Wayne and Dick didn’t go far enough.
Sometimes war needs murderers.
Sometimes war needs Red Hood.
And Tim? Tim would be better off without him.
-
What Jason didn’t expect was the war to end.
Maybe he was just a pessimist, but he hadn’t really seen an end in sight, but whaddaya know? They won. Huzzah.
Except now he was a war criminal.
Yeah… there was that…
And the fact that Roy and Kory hooked up and it just made him more mopey.
There was that too…
And the fact that he wanted to take that damn picture with Dick and all his fake-siblings. He wanted to punch Bruce Wayne in the face for leaving him in that damn warehouse.
He wanted to wrap his arms around Tim and kiss him senseless and show him he was alive.
That was sort of the big thing.
But it figured, it just figured one of the units still active was the Outsiders.
It figured the one trying to bring him to justice would be Dick.
Life’s a bitch.
-
The outcome is Dick is too damn honourable to square off against a villain like Jason.
Dick lies on the ground bleeding and Jason’s standing over him with his gun.
“You could have avoided that.”
“Wanted to talk to you in private.”
“In private? Dick, I shot you in the gut, you’re dying.”
“You…should probably try to stop that from happening… I’d appreciate it.”
And he does. He pulls out bandages, puts his gun away and starts trying to patch him up. It isn’t working well. His hands are meant to destroy. He doesn’t know how to fix things.
“You took a … wrong turn.”
“Yeah, well. Maybe it was the right way for me.”
“When I… when I figured it out I was happy you know.”
“About what?”
“About you being Red Hood.”
“You shouldn’t talk so much, seriously do you ever shut up?”
“Cause it meant you were alive.”
“Shut up, Grayson.”
“Tim’ll be happy.”
“Tim?”
“He’ll be really—”
“Shit, stop talking, please stop talking!”
His vision was getting blurred and the stupid helmet wasn’t helping, he threw it off. Dick was silently laughing at him even though it must have hurt a lot.
“Here,” Dick weakly reached for his pocket, he couldn’t quite make it.
“Dick, you—”
“Take my tags and my papers. All access clearance. You’ll be able to get back to Gotham, you’ll have to scam your way through, but I’m confident you can pull it off.”
“Shut up.”
“Go see my brother for me. Tell him I’m okay.”
“Shut up, Dick!!”
“Give me back the picture.”
“What?”
“I know you must still have it, I know you wouldn’t lose it.”
Jason shakily reached into his pocket and pulled out the crumpled old picture. His captors had never bothered to take it from him. He put it in Dick’s hand and held it in front of his face so he could see it. Dick smiled. He wasn’t afraid at all.
How could he be so fearless, he’s dying? He must be in agony, but he only wore a grimace coupled with his grin at seeing all his siblings’ faces again.
“Go before Jade shows up. She’ll kick your ass.”
“I promised you we’d bitch together after the war.”
“No Jay, you promised to go bang on Tim’s window and scare the ever-living heck out of him. Take the papers and go, that’s an order.”
“You’re not the boss of me anymore,” Jason said, but took the papers and reluctantly pulled off Dick’s dog tag. He remembered the body that wore his own and again wondered who it was that took his place. He thought Dick was crying for a moment, but he realized it was his own tears falling on Dick’s face. Oh fuck.
Dick sighed in relief and closed his eyes.
“Don’t you fucking dare.”
“Go,” Dick whispered, “’M your big brother, I’ll always be the boss of you…”
-
Tim’s crying. Jason kissed the top of his head gently. “Hey Timmy, you miss me?”
“You idiot, you idiot, you idiot. You shouldn’t scare people like that.”
“I’m sorry,” Jason said and then laughed because hadn’t they had this conversation before?
Tim pulled back. He was looking him up and down. It was winter, snow was coming in through the windows, Tim was shivering, freezing. Jason was too happy to be freezing. He slipped off the sergeant’s jacket he had stolen in one of the convoy’s he snuck on and threw it around Tim’s shoulders. Tim put his arms through the sleeves. It was too big for him. That was cute.
“I thought they caught you.”
“So you knew huh?” Jason sighed.
“Dick told me,” Tim was wrapped around him again. God it was better, so much better. It was like…
It was like his heart was beating again. It was like he was alive again.
And suddenly he felt cold.
“Dick…” Jason said hesitantly. This wasn’t fair. Tim shouldn’t be hugging the murderer of his big brother.
Because that’s what it was, wasn’t it? Dick was doing his duty, but Jason was a murderer.
“He’s fine,” Tim’s voice was muffled in his shoulder. “He says you should give ‘your’ big brother more credit.”
“…What?”
Tim kissed him. Well that shut him up.
He pulled back and took Tim by the hands. Everything was perfect. Everything was…
“I love you,” He said honestly. Tim blushed.
They had never spoken about love. It had always floated in the air, it was stupid. Jason loved Tim every day of the goddamn war and every day after. Why shouldn’t he tell him?
“Are you embarrassed?”
“No,” Tim said softly. Tim pressed against him and Jason leaned down. It was a slow kiss. It was filled with bitterness, pain, longing, and love. All the things Jason couldn’t talk about yet and Tim just accepted it. Accepted him.
“I murdered people Tim, it wasn’t just the war.” Jason whispered. Tim’s head was on his shoulder. Jason ran his fingers through dark locks.
“You were brainwashed and the army forced you to continue killing. You were murdering war criminals. The people that tortured women and children. The people poisoning wells.”
“I did it to people on your side too.”
“Jason, those people weren’t on ‘my’ side. You were shattered; of course you’d be pissed off when everything made sense again. Of course you would go after the people that did it to you… and the people that would do it to others. Maybe your hands aren’t clean, but I can forgive you. Can you forgive yourself?”
“I don’t know Timmy,” Jason whispered. Tim kissed his cheek.
“We’ll be here for you when you figure it out.”
“We’ll?”
“Sure, Dick, Cass, Steph—Damian won’t be any help, but Dick’ll still want his input. You got adopted into a big family Jay. My family. We’re going to protect you, hide you. Dick’s girlfriend is the best hacker in the country, she can make you a new life.”
“It shouldn’t be that easy.”
“It wasn’t.” Tim said gently. Tim’s clear blue eyes were full of sympathy, “I can see that it wasn’t.
“Thank you.” Jason would never let him go. He was done with murder, done with war. It was over. It was all finally over.