Chapter Text
Percy Jackson is done with life.
It's not a dumb teenage breakdown, it's full-blown threatening. He hasn’t left his cabin in days, hasn’t showered, hasn’t brushed his teeth, hasn’t eaten in two days, but who would care? Grover has stopped by once to let him know he's leaving again. He told Percy to try to eat something, but Percy just grunted as a response. No one else has stopped by to check up on the son of Poseidon. He’s heard the laughter and happiness from the campers while he lay there unable to move or better yet not able to care.
The truth is that Percy wants to live, at least he thinks he does. He was bad after Tartarus and Annabeth; oh, poor Annabeth couldn’t look at Percy the same afterwards. She told Piper and one of her sisters overheard and told the whole camp about the misery thing. Now the campers and even Chiron and Dionysus can't look at Percy the same. He doesn't blame them even though it rips open his chest every time he remembers.
Percy and Annabeth broke up after everyone found out. He let her go even though every muscle and vessel of skin wanted to hug her and apologize, but he knew that she would never look at him the same. They broke up a week after Percy's birthday, they were on the beach when it happened, Annabeth was sobbing while Percy already cried all of his tears out looked at the ground as he told her she can do better than him, that she deserves someone who understands and doesn’t scare her with every movement. Annabeth tried to tell him that it was a misunderstanding and that she still loved him, but Percy knew that was false. He knew she wanted the relationship; she just didn't want him. He knew that she was still hoping for the old Percy to come back, the Percy before Tartarus, the Percy before Hera’s memory wipe, the Percy before the titan war, but that Percy was millennia away and he'd never come back. He left her on the beach and went back to his cabin. He hated knowing he made her cry. He hated himself for hurting her, for scaring her. If he could be a different person, he would do it in a heartbeat.
He lost most of the seven after the Gaia war. Every person he thought would stay with him forever moved on. Hazel and Frank are praetors at camp Jupiter, Leo comes and goes from camp and then disappears, Jason is still trying to find all the minor gods and honoring them somehow. He stops by camp when he can. Percy can’t blame him for not visiting even though Percy misses him so much. Piper is still at camp but only talks to Annabeth now, she gives Percy worried glances when he comes out of his cabin every few days but never says anything. Nico and Will visit Percy once in a while, will check up on Percy to see if he's sick and Nico just sits on his bed looking worried. Percy wants his life back. He wants his friendships back, and most importantly he wants Annabeth back. Percy doesn't understand why they all look concerned.
‘They all don' t care about me’ Percy thinks
‘I'll just be better off dead’ he ponders if this should be properly brought out but his mind clouds over with tiredness. He slowly drifts off to sleep, his own thoughts weighing him down.
When Percy awoke there were people in his room, his mind was clouded as usual and it was dark outside.
“Percy…” said a voice. Percy couldn't tell who the voice was, but it was familiar, too familiar. Percy opens his eyes all the way and sees blonde curly hair and stormy grey eyes.
“Percy please get up, I’m sorry I’m so sorry” Annabeth says as she sits on his bed. My voice instantly dies, and his breath hitches. What is she doing here? She is supposed to be gone.
“Plea…Please go” Percy says, his voice hoarse.
“Percy get up” says a more demanding voice. Percy turns to where the voice was and sees Thalia grace. She doesn't look happy to see him. Percy wonders if maybe even the sight of him pisses people off.
“It probably does” says a voice in his head.
Thalia steps forward and stares down at him, then she grabs his shoulders and shakes him.
“You in their seaweed brain? You need to eat you’ve apparently been in here for days and won't eat according to Will and Nico” she says as she looks behind Annabeth which Percy can only assume that Will and Nico are in the cabin.
“Oh, fuck right off Thalia, fuck all of you. And you, Annabeth, don’t walk into my cabin and act like your care. We broke up!” Percy says meaner than he intended. He sees Annabeth flinch softly at his words and knows that he's only making the fear more of a fear. Thalia grabs the collar of his shirt and brings him really close to her face.
“Look percy you can be mean to any of us, but you do not have any right to speak to Annabeth like that. You're the reason you two broke up, you and only you” she says as she pushes me back letting go of my collar. “‘bout time you own up to it. Instead of rotting like spoiled milk.”
“Tha-” Annabeth starts
“No Annabeth, it's his fault” Snaps Thalia. “Look I love you both but you both have to get in line. Especially you” she says as he points a finger at Percy.
“Thalia, don’t you think you're being a little rough with them?” says a very quiet Nico.
Thalia turns towards Nico and says a stern “No”
“Okay Thalia I don't know why you're acting like this, must’ve been the time loss that you had from being almost paper, oh or maybe because you're never going to grow up, is that why? I couldn’t really care anyways.” Percy says as he stands up, immediately regretting it. He's hit with such dizziness it makes his knees give out. He falls to the floor and weakly lays there suddenly wanting to be back in his warm comforting bunk. The cabin goes silent other than the quick movement of Will going to Percy's side wanting to assist him. Will gently puts Percy into a sitting position leaning against his bed. Will feeds Percy some ambrosia to help with the dizziness. Dam him for not eating anything, dam him for never thinking, dam him for this situation. Percy looks up at Annabeth who has silent tears going down her face.
“A fun situation isn’t it” Percy says laughing. Percy doesn't know why he's laughing; he just finds this all hilarious. Everyone is looking at Percy like he's crazy, maybe he is, maybe he should just be alone and go even more insane than he already is.
“Oh, my gods! Why are you laughing!” exclaimed Thalia “You seriously think this is the right opportunity to laugh your ass off!” she cuts her sentence short as tears fill her eyes “I had more respect for you Percy”
“Ya so did I” Percy sighs. “Can you all leave?”
“No!” yells the once quiet Nico “We…We need you to eat and get some fresh air please Percy, I beg you.” He says quieter now.
“He’s right Percy, With this almost being a fainting spell just by you standing up and you not eating or having actual air in here, you need it or you’ll die and considering you're a son of Poseidon and you haven't had water you're on a faster track to dying then you think.” Says Will.
“Look, I don’t care anymore and I don’t need you playing doctor Will…” Percy says as he gets up and stands looking down at will. “Even though you technically are a doctor. I don't need people on my ass all the time telling me what I need” Percy is fully standing now and looks Thalia in the face, she has tears in her eyes, and they are threatening to fall. “Oh, and pinecone head please get out and don't come back here. Will and Nico you too can go as well but knowing you both and since Will is my ‘Doctor’” Percy says using air quotes “you two can come back. And you.” Percy says as he points at Annabeth “never talk to me again, im doing it for your own good. You deserve someone who doesn’t scare you and you need to accept that. So don’t come around here again.” Percy says as he opens the door and gestures to everyone to leave. Thalia and Annabeth both look hurt, but Thalia is the only one that chooses to mention it.
“I get that you're struggling Percy" says Thalia and Percy stands still. But his hands fail him, they shake uncontrollably, he needs to feel something else, he needs them out of this room so they won't see he needs them to leave, but he can't move anymore other than his shaking hands.
“But we only wanted to help,” Thalia continued. “Nico hasn’t been sleeping because he's so worried, Will wants to take care of camps golden boy so he's not sleeping, and Annabeth was exactly like you because you broke her heart, you Perseus Jackson is the cause of her nightmares and her fear, you had so much potential Percy, I used to admire your perseverance through everything and now your weak and broken, and that's your fault. You are a hero to others, but you'll never be a hero yourself Percy Jackson.”
“She's right” says the voice in his head “you ruin everything, you're a jinx, you should die, you should kill yourself, you are a waste of space, you’ll never be anything”
“Shut up!” Percy doesn’t know if he's talking to the voices or Thalia, the voices get louder. Tears sting his eyes. “Get out!” He yells as he covers his ears in hopes to shut the voices out. He felt cold hands on him. Hands on his wrists. Wrists so damaged and scar filled, not from monsters but from his own hand. The hands were pulling his own hands away from his ears, but he just fell to the floor. Crying. “Get out, get out, get out, leave, leave!” he repeats to whoever will listen. His face is tear streaked. When Percy finally is able to open his eyes, the voices still there but quieter, Nico is sitting in front of him holding his hands gently but also firm. Will, Thalia, and Annabeth stood up and stared at him.
“Leave…please…” pleads Percy. “I’m okay…go away!” he yells as he rips his arms away from Nico and stares daggers at all of them to leave. They all reluctantly do. Once everyone left Percy let out a breath that emptied all of the breath in his lungs, a breath of anxiety that he didn't know he was carrying.
Percy feels so lonely, he shouldn’t have made them go. He needs to do it, he needs to cut, he needs to. He stands on shaky legs and sits on his bed. He grabs Riptide from out of his pocket. He holds the pen in his shaking hands. Slowly uncapping the pen and releasing the golden bronze glow of the sword slowly transforming. He remembers when he first got this pen, when he killed Mrs. Dodds that started the spiral of downfall that I know live. He needs to leave, he needs this, he deserves this, all of those things Thalia said were true, every last one of them. Will and Nico will be so happy when the weight that he makes them carry is finally gone. Nico will finally be able to sleep, and Will won't have to worry about Percy. Annabeth won't feel guilty for making him feel like this, she can be free and move on, she can be happy and live without fear of him. Thalia won’t have to worry about Annabeth and won't have to get into an argument every time she visits when she rarely has time off. Jason, Leo, hazel, and frank won't have their mood killed every time they come back to Camp half-blood because of my mood and attitude, they can enjoy their visits. Maybe that is why they never visit, maybe it’s because he’s a mood killer and an energy vampire. And Piper, she can be happy with Annabeth. His mom, Paul, and Estelle. They are a perfect family. His mom and Paul will move on, and Estelle is too young that she won't even remember him when he's dead. He needs to go; People's lives would be so much better without him. He stares at the glint of the sword and brings its sharp point to the top of my forearm. He counts to three and pushes down as hard as he can. Gliding the blade down his arm to the top of his wrist. He lets out a loud sob. No one will hear him. His cabin is far away from the others. He's safe, he just needs to do the other arm. Percy, even more shaky than before, grabs Riptide with his other hand and does the same. Bringing the blade to the top of his forearm and gliding it down to his wrist. He stares at his arms, tears running down his face so heavily. That's when he remembers. He didn't write notes. He didn't say goodbye. He stands up but the blood loss makes him collapse.
“They don’t care, they never did, accept it, you're nothing to them!” the voice in his head yells.
Percy, laying on the ground blood pooling and stinging his arms cries, not sad tears, happy tears, tears that mean he's leaving. He’ll never bother anyone again. He smiles as everything goes black.