Archive of Our Own

In a world where people are connected by single words written on the inside of the wrist on their dominant hands, there is something to say about inequality. 

The majority of society has it easy and thinks that the way the world works, is through true love. Soulmates, to be exact. Most people find their soulmates when they’re young adults. Some find them when they’re older, or younger. The majority actually finds their soulmate, that’s the whole point. 

Then there are the people who chose to abstain from a concept that ties them to someone, another person. Sometimes soulmates are platonic, sometimes it’s heartbreak. Sometimes people just can’t seem to romantically connect to their soulmates, sometimes it’s two men who don’t have the need for it. It’s even quite common to have multiple soulmates, one on each wrist. Whatever it is, there is always some degree of love. It doesn’t happen often that soulmates don’t end up together in some capacity. 

And it never, ever happens that soulmates aren’t mutual. The universe and fate had decided that everyone would have their own person. It’s that simple. Everyone has their own person. Everyone experiences the words on their wrists tingle. Everyone sees them light up and everyone feels a feeling bloom inside them, warming up their whole body. 

Even platonic soulmates, even people who do not wish to have one. Everyone experiences it. 

Donghyuck isn’t everyone. 

He’s someone’s person, that much is clear. The universe started his bond and began to tie his thread to someone else, only to falter and lose it. The universe made a mockery out of him and Donghyuck is sick of it. 

He might be destined for someone else, but it is not mutual. He bears someone’s words on his wrist. He has had those words muttered to him the first time he met them, yet they did not have the same words, their wrist did not light up, their feelings didn’t bloom. 

People describe it as some magical feeling. Your wrist starts to tingle and then words appear, followed by a gorgeous yellowish white light and then a permanent tattoo, that won’t leave, no matter how much you might want it to. The world loves it. People eat it up. 

To Donghyuck, it had hurt, badly. It felt like someone took the tip of a knife and carved out each individual letter. His words never even lit up properly. He had seen a flicker and then the words turned dull. Most people had a shooting light come out of the words on their wrist. It was something that would make passerby’s go ‘woah’. Then, the words would turn a dark black. Donghyuck’s words remained a messy mix of reds and skintone grays. It looked horrid. 

And it fucking sucks. Especially when it used to just be a kind of emotional hurt. It used to be something in his head, something he had to work through. That was until it started ruining his life. That was until it started feeling like tiny pricks on his skin at random moments throughout the day. That was until the words on his wrist left his fingers trembling. That was until he started experiencing debilitating dreams and visions. 

Which leads him to this moment in time, knocking on a door in the middle of the city at one in the morning. He hears the bass of music through the door and he has to ring the bell four times before anyone even answers. 

“Hey!” A guy yells over the music as he opens the door. He’s tall and has broad shoulders. 

Donghyuck feels out of place immediately. “Oh.” He says. “Is Ten here? He said this was his address?”

And the man’s eyes soften. “Yeah, you’re at the right place.” He steps aside to invite Donghyuck inside. “I’ll tell him you’re here.”

And when the man leaves and disappears into the home, Donghyuck takes the time to look around.  The house is filled with people chatting away on couches and dancing in the middle of the living room. The music is loud and the lights are dimmed, complimented by ambience lighting in all kinds of neon colours. 

It's not a normal college party, to say the least. But as it stands, Donghyuck did find this place on reddit just a month ago. He had expected much worse to be honest. 

“Haechan, right?” A voice says and Donghyuck turns from where he had been staring into the living room.

A smaller, lean guy stands in front of him. He’s oddly handsome for someone who lurks on reddit and makes it his life’s mission to help everyone like him. Donghyuck smiles awkwardly. He feels out of sorts. “Yeah.” He nods. “Ten?” He asks, just to make sure. 

Ten nods and smiles. “Follow me.” He says and Donghyuck does. “Sorry for making you meet me so late.” He shrugs.

“I kinda feel like I’m being led to my murder honestly.” Donghyuck blurts out with a laugh before he realises that might not be the best thing to say to someone who invited them into their home to help them. 

But Ten laughs, out loud and full of joy. “Yeah, I get that. I promise I’m not into murder, though.”

And the reaction eases some of Donghyuck’s nerves for sure. “You’re too pretty for murder.” He giggles and as Ten opens the door to an office, he gasps. 

“Right!” He agrees. “I really am too pretty to commit murder, thank you!” He giggles as he steps aside, letting Donghyuck into the room.

Donghyuck steps inside and is met with a pretty big office, but then again, so is the apartment. It’s a sleek, modern apartment in the centre of the city, close to the stores and even closer to the clubs. The office has large floor to ceiling windows and bookcases framing the sides. There's a large beige and yellow contemporary rug in the centre of the room with an antique desk and a couch in front of it. 

“Are you a therapist?” Donghyuck asks, voice light. 

Ten laughs as he closes the door and turns on the light. The cold and dark room transforms into a cozy office. The city lights disappear in the reflection of the lights on the inside. 

“Sometimes.” Ten says. “Not tonight though. Please sit. Do you want anything to drink?” He offers as he sits behind the desk and Donghyuck takes a seat on the couch. He opens his jacket and places his slingbag by his feet. 

“I’m good, thank you.” He says politely. The music that’s coming from the living room is just a slow and barely audible thruming in the room they’re in. Donghyuck finally takes Ten in. He’s a little smaller than Donghyuck. He’s well dressed in different leather accessories and a well tailored shirt. He’s in baggy jeans and his hair is bleached. Donghyuck smiles awkwardly. 

Ten hums. “Right. You probably want to get started, don’t you?” Donghyuck nods in response and Ten nods. “What do you know about one-sided soulmates so far?”

And that’s why he’s here, in the apartment of a stranger in the middle of the night. He’s here because Ten is seemingly the only person in his vicinity who’s able to help him with his problem. Because Ten is someone like him. 

“I know that when I met my soulmate, he didn’t have his mark light up.” Donghyuck says, fingers coming up to trace the words on his wrist, even if he didn’t do it consciously. “I was confused, and he didn’t notice that mine lit up or appeared, or that I gasped in shock. He already met his soulmate and at that point they were already together.”

Ten’s eyebrows furrow. “That must’ve been tough.” He says. “How long has it been?”

“Two years since then.” Donghyuck answers. He shuffles a little deeper into the couch cushions but he still sits up straight. 

Ten seems confused. “Two years? Did you end up telling him?”

Donghyuck shakes his head. “No. There’s no point in stirring up trouble. They’ve been together for two and a half years now. His boyfriend and soulmate is my best friend, actually.”

“Oh, fuck.” Ten blurts out. 

Donghyuck lets out a dry laugh. Ten’s eyes widen. “Sorry.” He says. “I meet quite a few people who’s soulmates aren’t mutual. I rarely see it so intertwined in their lives, though. That must be rough.”

Donghyuck hums. “How many people are there like me? I could barely find anything aside from the reddit thread.” He has truly looked everywhere. From obscure bookstores to the largest library in Seoul. The most he could find was poorly written poetry and vague words from doctors who have come across it once or twice. There were about one or two books on the topic but that was all. 

“More than you’d think.” Ten smiles. “This whole party is a get together with just a few of us in the city. There are people like us all over the world.” Ten stands up to walk over the bookcases. Donghyuck’s eyes follow him. “Have you tried searching in other languages?”

“A little. But I’m not proficient enough to really read it all. Google translate can only do so much. I’ve been to libraries though. Most of it came up empty.” Donghyuck answers. 

Ten hums. “Our society is as accepting as it has to be to fit into world politics.” He scans the books before he pulls out three. “But we’re quite behind some western countries when it comes to research about unrequited soulmates.”

“How were you able to gather all of this?” Donghyuck asks.

“I had friends who helped me. We’ve turned this into as big of an organisation as we could possibly get it. I don’t have any words at all.” Ten shows his wrists. “My best friend has the words that I said when I first met him. His words lit up when we were sixteen and I couldn’t reciprocate.”

“Are you still friends?” Donghyuck wants to know. 

Ten nods and turns around to place the books in front of Donghyuck. “We’ve been together for four years. We live here, together.” He smiles. “We’re studying at the same university, too. You met him at the door earlier I believe. His name’s Johnny.”

Donghyuck smiles back. “I’m glad to hear it. Where do you study?” He’s still nervous, he’s still rubbing over the words on his wrist, but Ten had eased his mind a little. It feels good to know that there is hope for some. 

“SU. Finishing off my masters degree this year.” Ten sits back down in the chair at the desk. 

“Oh, me too. Third year of my bachelor's degree.” Donghyuck smiles sweetly. “I live close to campus, actually.”

Ten smiles. “If you want to meet more people like us, we’re actually an association on campus. We’ve had trouble getting our cause and goal to stick with people, but we’re organizing a few things to kick off the year. If you’re interested I can get you a ticket to the events?” Ten rummages through his desk and places some folders on top of the books. 

And Donghyuck thinks it might be good for him. “Yeah that’d be nice.” He smiles as he sinks into the couch. He falls silent for a moment before he speaks up again. “Did you have to hide it from anyone?” He asks. 

Ten cocks his head to the side slightly and frowns. “I don’t believe I follow.” 

Donghyuck hums. “Like, your words? I don’t know how to explain to anyone that the universe somehow decided halfway into the soulmate bond that it wasn’t anything necessary. I’ve told my friends that it was just a stranger who wasn’t gay and that I cover the words up because it’s easier.” He looks at the words. “They never turned black. They stay this reddish brown colour and it’s just- recently it’s started to scab and bleed and I have to stop myself from picking at it.”

Ten’s expression softens. “This started around the same time as the dreams, right? And the prickly feeling in your fingers?”

Donghyuck nods. He had told Ten a little bit. Not the whole backstory, just the most recent developments. “Nothing has changed in my relationship with them.” He mutters out. “I’ve been ignoring questions about my mark for years now. My family is disappointed with me for not trying harder to convince my ‘soulmate’ that I’m into men and my friends only pretend like it doesn’t intrigue them that they’ve never seen my words.”

Ten frowns. “You’re fucked.” He mutters out. 

Donghyuck snorts. “You’ve never had the problem then?”

Ten shakes his head. “My family has never been big on the soulmate thing. It made sense to them that I’d end up with some sort of weird thing going on.”

“Thanks for the help anyways.” Donghyuck mumbles. “I promised some friends I’d swing by their house to say hi to them if I was in the area.” He drags his bag into his lap. 

The man in front of him hums. “Take the books. Don’t worry about returning them anytime soon. I’m sure we’ll see eachother.” He pushes the books toward Donghyuck, who puts them in his bag and stands up. “You have my number so don’t hesitate to call. I know we don’t really know eachother but it’s hard enough to live with something like this. It gets easier when you rely on other people.”

And Donghyuck smiles as Ten walks him to the door. “Thanks.” He smiles. “Like truly thank you.” He stands in front of the closed front door. His hand reaches for the doorknob, only to stop mid air. He swallows. “There’s no cure, is there?” He asks. He’s not hopeful. He knows the answer. He just needs to hear it from someone else. 

Ten smiles sweetly at him. It’s not a look of pity. It’s a look of understanding. “I don’t think so.” He says softly. 

Donghyuck nods and is out the door in seconds. 

By the time he’s at Mark and Jaemin’s apartment, it’s half an hour past midnight. He slapped a bandage on his wrist on the walk over there and he feels off. The conversation he had with Ten replays in his mind like a feedback loop, even as Jaemin opens the door for him. 

“Hyuckie.” Jaemin smiles. “You’re always late, but never this late.” He ushers Donghyuck in the door and closes it behind them. Donghyuck scoffs and hangs up his jacket at the same time he kicks off his sneakers. 

“Like you actually care.” Donghyuck mumbles with a laugh. “I bet you were too busy cheating to notice I wasn’t there.”

And Donghyuck peers into the living and dining room to see all his friends sitting around the table, bottles of wine empty and a board game in the middle. Jaemin sneaks a hand around his middle, leaning into him. “I always notice when you’re not there.” He grins and Donghyuck groans. 

“Don’t start.” He says, moving toward the table and scooting behind the chairs to reach the open kitchen in the back. Mark’s hand reaches out to touch his waist as he walk by. 

“Hey Hyuck. Were you out?” He asks, looking away from the game to stare up at Donghyuck through his glasses. 

Donghyuck hums. “I met some friends for drinks.” Mark’s hand falls back down as the younger man moves to look in the fridge. He feels Mark stare at the back of his head. Too easy of a lie, he wonders. “How many rounds have Renjun and Jaemin won?” He asks absentmindedly. 

Chenle answers in a fit of laughter. “Renjun and Jaemin are tied for two and I won one.”

Jisung scoffs. “Dubiously. Jaemin and Renjun even held your hands throughout the game. I think you even slipped Renjun a fifty in the middle of it.”

Donghyuck grabs a beer from the fridge before closing it and leaning against the kitchen island between him and the living area. “Slip me a hundred next time and I’ll make sure you win every round.” He cracks the can open and takes a big sip with a dramatic gulp. 

“Yeah yeah.” Renjun rolls his eyes. “You can barely win when it comes to playing your own games. How are you going to help Chenle?”

Donghyuck cackles. “I’m good at helping people cheat, hello?” He motions to himself. “Have you met me? That comes with the job description.”

“So because you like being called a whore and humiliated, it makes you good at helping people cheat in board games?” Jeno snorts. “Makes total sense.”

Donghyuck walks over to Jeno to plant a big, wet kiss on his cheek. “You know me so well.”

As Jeno wipes at his cheek hastily, Jaemin, who was sitting next to Jeno, pulls out a chair for Donghyuck to sit in. Donghyuck obliges and sets his beer down on the table. “I’m not playing though.” Donghyuck says. “I can’t handle looking at cards being shuffled or rotating objects. I feel like I’m gonna puke.”

He’s not drunk. Not really. He had one drink before he went to Ten and now he’s halfway through a beer. He’s tipsy at best. But the thought of him fitting back in with his friends, so easily, scares him. It makes him nauseous to know that he’s still in love with Mark. It makes him sick to know that he’s head over heels for Jaemin too, soulmate mark or not. He just has to pretend he isn’t. 

But sometimes, it’s easy to pretend he actually has it all. “Go lay down in our room then.” Mark mumbles as he tosses the dice. “Do you have anything to do tomorrow?” He groans as Chenle reads the card that sends him to jail in Monopoly. 

“No.” Donghyuck says. “Wake me up when everyone else leaves though. I don’t wanna sleep in these clothes for longer than I have to and I left all my stuff at home.” He mumbles. Normally he’d put up a fight. He’d be a little bitchier about it. He’d whine a bit more. But it’s nice to pretend that Mark cares for him a little extra, that the circles Jaemin is suddenly rubbing into his thigh means something. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Jaemin says and Donghyuck just hums, not bothering to ask what he means with it. With a grunt he moves to Mark and Jaemin’s bedroom and closes the door with a huff. He immediately shuffles ontop of the bed and is out within a minute. 

By the time he wakes up, his mouth is dry and there are covers over him. There’s a slightly blinding light peaking from underneath the blinds. Donghyuck is pretty sure those blinds had been open before he fell asleep. There’s a shirt, boxers and sweatpants on the bedside table and Donghyuck groans. 

A few minutes later, he steps out of the bedroom to find Mark and Jaemin sitting on the couch in the living area. Jaemin is laying with his back against Mark’s chest as he scrolls through instagram on his phone. Mark’s fingers are tangled in his hair. “G’morning.” Donghyuck mumbles, looking away and rubbing at his eyes. “What time is it?” He yawns. 

“It’s a little before noon, I think.” Mark answers, pushing his glasses further up his nose. 

“I thought you guys were gonna wake me.” Donghyuck shuffles forward, dropping into the lounge chair across from the couch. There’s a beautiful, warm toned mid century modern coffee table dividing them. 

Jaemin finally looks at him. “You looked so cute.” He coos. “You said you had nothing to do so we thought we could just let you sleep in. We slept in the guestroom.”

Donghyuck frowns. “I’m a grown man, asshole.” He groans. “You could’ve just told me to move or go home. I can take a hint.” He sighs, closing his eyes for just a few seconds. His fingers come up to play with the fraying edges of his bandage mindlessly. It’s a little itchy, seeing as it’s been on his skin for a while. 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Jaemin giggles at him, eyes fleeting toward Donghyuck’s wrist for just a second. “You know you can take it off around us right? We won’t judge.”

Donghyuck feels his whole body go cold, immediately hiding his wrist by turning it around. “I know.” He hums. “I just like it better this way.” He mumbles. 

“Still, dude.” Mark starts. “It’s gotta feel nice to let it breathe sometime. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of people don’t fall for their soulmate.” 

Donghyuck groans. Hiding his head in his hands for a second or two. “Don’t even start.” Truly, don’t start, he thinks. He feels trapped, having this conversation with them. Clearly it’s not a new topic of discussion. It’s been a topic of discussion ever since Donghyuck made up meeting his soulmate a week after he met Jaemin. He had spent a week at home, trying to figure out how to make it all go away. He resorted to lying when he realised he couldn’t. “It’s alright, hyung.” 

The questions were easier back then. Mark smiles with that stupid smile that has everyone falling in love with him, eyes wide and full of stars. Then, his brows furrow. “I just want you to still feel comfortable here. Eventhough we’re a-”

“Disgusting soulmate love-match?” Donghyuck finishes with a grin. 

Jaemin cackles and Mark’s ears turn red. “It’s not a crime!” He defends. 

Donghyuck smiles. “Of course it isn’t.” He shrugs. His face falls back to a serious expression. “No but seriously. It’s fine. We’re friends. I’m not put off by two people who love eachother. We’ve been friends since we were like seven. Jaemin’s pretty-” He sighs and fake gags. “Sweet, I guess. So we’re fine. Don’t worry about it hyung.”

Mark nods. “Yeah okay. I just worry sometimes, you know?” He shrugs. “I feel like we’ve been growing apart lately and I just wanna make sure you know I’m still here for you. Jaemin too.” Jaemin hums to really push the dagger deeper into Donghyuck’s heart. 

And Donghyuck hums with a smile. He’s pretty sure it doesn’t really reach his ears. 

By the time he gets home, he feels drained. He drops the books Ten had given him on his desk and drops onto his bed. He opens his phone with a sigh, ignoring messages from his friends and clicking on the notification from Ten. It’s an invitation to a party a week later. No pressure, it reads. Not really a fucked up people thingy either. Just thought maybe you could use the distraction. I think you’d really like Johnny too, by the way. 

And to be honest, Donghyuck already knew he was going the moment he read the first word. It’s just his luck that he runs into Jaemin in the kitchen of said party. 

“Hyuck?” A voice speaks up and Donghyuck turns around to find Jaemin chatting to some ridiculously tall guy. “What are you doing here?” He smiles. “Thought you were too pretty for a stupid frat party?” He leans in, red cup in between his and Donghyuck’s abdomen. 

Donghyuck didn’t necessarily enjoy frat parties. Mark and Jaemin did. Mark especially, being the captain of the hockey association and by extension president of said fraternity. It’s a red flag Donghyuck can’t seem to let deter him from loving Mark. Sadly. 

“It’s not just a stupid frat party.” Donghyuck frowns. “It’s technically a party hosted by different associations, renting a frat house.” He mumbles, looking at Jaemin’s cup and deciding to take it off his hands and down it in one go. “Some friends invited me.”

Jaemin’s brow shoots up. “Oh?” He smiles. It’s a smile Donghyuck has grown to love as well as hate. It’s a pretty grin, full of pearly white teeth and it’s gorgeous. It also almost always means trouble. Donghyuck sometimes thinks he might hate Jaemin more than he wants him. Sometimes. “Where are they now?” Jaemin takes the red cup from Donghyuck’s grasp again and places it beside them on the counter. “You’re too pretty to be left alone all night. I bet Mark would love it if I kept an eye on you.”

Donghyuck raises a brow, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Since when do you blindly follow everything he says?”

And Jaemin just shrugs, nonchalant. “Since it gets under your skin. Everytime I do something Mark would do, you start to like him a little less. It’s good for my ego. You should like me more than him.”

Donghyuck scoffs, disbelief evident on his face. He refuses to back down and Jaemin only keeps leaning in. “You’re in love with him.”

Jaemin hums. “Doesn’t change anything.” He mumbles and Donghyuck realises he needs more than one drink if he has to keep up with this all night, so he steps away from Jaemin and toward the other side of the kitchen.

Because it’s bad enough to be in love with your best friend. It’s worse to have his boyfriend’s words on your arm. It’s the worst to be flirted with, relentlessly by him. 

“You know, I’m sure Mark wouldn’t mind if you joined us tonight.” Jaemin cackles as he follows Donghyuck through the kitchen. 

“I’m not sleeping with either of you tonight, Jaemin.” Donghyuck answers as he pours himself a mixed drink with the ingredients displayed on the kitchen counter. 

“You’ve slept with Mark before.” Jaemin reminds him. 

And yes, it’s true. Before Jaemin, there was a moment where Mark and Donghyuck had been drunk, younger and insecure. Donghyuck proposed to sleep together to get all the sexual nerves off of them. Mark had been easy to convince. They did it a few times after that and it was fun. The last time was in some stupid bar. Mark met Jaemin three hours later. He got together with Jaemin three months later. Donghyuck met Jaemin six months later and hid the flickering light on his wrist when he heard Jaemin utter those doomed words, right at the moment that Mark was away, ordering their drinks at the register. 

Donghyuck hums. “Like, barely. We just needed to get it over with. What’s got you so obsessed?” He takes a sip of his drink and leans against the kitchen counters behind him. Jaemin stands in front of him. He is pretty, Donghyuck muses. Broad shoulders and a shiny smile. His hair is a dirty blonde and he pulls it off so well it simultaneously pisses Donghyuck off as well as gets him hard. Occasionally. 

“What’s so wrong about a guy wanting to see his boyfriend fuck his bestfriend? Maybe I could even get a chance, you know?” Jaemin smiles and leans in, once again, one hand resting on the cabinet behind Donghyuck’s head. 

“I think you’re getting too bold, Jaemin.” Donghyuck laughs in his face. “I want no part of any of your sappy soulmate shit.” And he means it. When he slept with Mark, they didn’t have any words on their wrists. It had killed Donghyuck then. It kills Donghyuck now. Mark wasn’t there when Jaemin lit up Donghyuck’s wrist. Mark doesn’t know. Donghyuck doesn’t need either of them finding out. 

It wouldn’t be good for his heart, or his life. 

"Haechan!" A voice calls from the other side of the kitchen and Donghyuck ducks away from Jaemin to see who it is. He leaves his drink on the counter.

He giggles. “Ten!” He walks over and hugs him. “It’s so good to see you.” He smiles. 

“Hey Donghyuck.” The man next to Ten says, running a hand through Donghyuck’s hair. “You dyed your hair. It looks good on you.” And Donghyuck had dyed his hair from light brown to a more dark, chestnut brown. It was a fun change, he thought. 

He might have met Ten and Johnny a week ago, but Johnny actually ran into Donghyuck a few days earlier at one of the café’s on campus. They had struck conversation and it ended with Donghyuck calling Johnny ‘hyung’. 

He’s always been a social butterfly, but knowing that there are some people who sort of know what you’re dealing with always helps in forming some sort of friendship. Donghyuck decided he didn’t really care either way. He liked Ten and Johnny.

Jaemin can’t believe his eyes when Donghyuck blushes. “Thanks hyung.” He smiles. He turns to Jaemin, red cheeks and almost glossy eyes. Glossy from joy, from excitement. Jaemin feels frustration rise up in his chest.

“These are Ten and Johnny.” He introduces them to Jaemin. “I met them at a party a few weeks ago.”

“You went to a party?”  He lies through his teeth. 

Ten nods, immediately adding to the lie. “We’ve bumped into eachother a few times since then and it’s always such a fun time with you.” He smiles as he leans into Johnny. His words are directed at Donghyuck though. 

Jaemin grins. “There’s no bad times when it concerns him. I’m Jaemin by the way.” Jaemin sneaks an arm around Donghyuck waist, once again. “I didn’t know you let people call you Haechan?” He asks, voice light. Donghyuck doesn’t believe it for a second. 

Donghyuck shrugs. “I was drunk when I met them. Must’ve slipped through. I use it as my gamer tag too, you know?” Against his better judgement, he leans into Jaemin too. He uses Haechan on reddit when he talks to people. This was the most believable lie he could come up with. 

Jaemin hums. “Do you guys want a drink? There’s plenty left.”

“That would be great man, thanks.” Johnny says. 

“I’ll grab them something.” Donghyuck says as he steps away from Jaemin. “You were talking with someone and I came to hang out with them. I’ll see you tomorrow right? Movie night?” He smiles. 

“Yeah.” Jaemin hums. “Be careful okay? I don’t want Mark to wait around all night because you’re too hungover.”

And if Donghyuck feels irritation flare up in his chest then he doesn’t show it. “I will.” He says before he disappears to the other side of the kitchen and Jaemin goes back to find his friend. 

Oddly enough, Donghyuck’s life resumes as normal for a month or so afterwards. The fear of someone finding out dissipates and aside from waking up in a cold sweat most nights, he thinks it’s all perfectly fine. Mark doesn’t ask any questions and Jaemin keeps his hands to himself mostly. It’s normal. 

Until he’s sitting on their couch in his pajamas with Jaemin next to him. Mark had to work late. Donghyuck doesn’t remember at what time he said he’d get home. 

“You look stupid.” Donghyuck snorts as Jaemin gasps.

“Jeno gave it to me for my birthday.” He holds his hands over his heart to be dramatic. He points to the stupid headband on his head. “You don’t like miffy?” 

Donghyuck giggles. “Of course I like miffy. I’m not a monster. I think you just don’t do miffy justice.” He reaches over to try and grab the headband off Jaemin’s head. 

Jaemin laughs at him, hand pushing on Donghyuck’s chest to reverse their positions, getting Donghyuck underneath him. Suddenly, Donghyuck feels like the air has shifted. 

Jaemin smiles at him, full of glee. 

“Don’t even.” Donghyuck starts, hands on Jaemin’s chest to get him to move. He doesn’t.

“You don’t even know what I’m going to ask,” Jaemin shrugs, voice light and airy. 

“I don’t want to hear anything about your Mark Lee complex. He’s your soulmate.” Donghyuck says seriously. “You’re in love with him.”

Jaemin seems to think about it for a second. In the warm lighting of the living area, he looks pretty. The large windows surrounding them don’t take away that Donghyuck feels perverted. Jaemin is gorgeous. He’s strong and defined. His blonde hair looks soft eventhough it’s been bleached too many times and is held together by some obnoxiously cute headband. He looks edible and it kills Donghyuck inside. “Okay.” Jaemin hums. Donghyuck’s hands try to drop down to his sides. He shouldn’t be touching Jaemin at all. Friends or not. 

“Don’t.” Jaemin says, one hand stopping Donghyuck from moving and keeping his hands on his chest. “I have another question.” He says. 

Donghyuck groans. “What?” 

“Since when do you help out at the anti soulmate association?” Jaemin asks. 

Donghyuck laughs. “That’s not what they’re called and you know it.” He shrugs once he realises Jaemin is still waiting on an answer. “How do you know I help out there?”

“Jisung said he saw you talking to some guys he didn’t know. He was on his way to practice.” Jaemin’s eyes turn darker. “So?”

“What a snitch. He didn’t even say hi.” Donghyuck squirms underneath Jaemin when Jaemin clearly won’t let it go. “Ten and Johnny hyung run it.” He says. “They’ve helped a lot of people and I feel like I could also really help people when I’m there, you know?”

“Like yourself?” Jaemin asks. 

“No.” Donghyuck says clearly. “I’ve accepted what the universe has given me. I’m okay with it.” It’s a lie. Both of them know it. 

Jaemin doesn’t comment on it. “You could try, you know? Finding him again, seeing if he really doesn’t think you’re hot enough to change his mind.”

“Stop.” Donghyuck mumbles. “I don’t want to find him.” He says softly. “Just because you and Mark have a stick up your ass about all this magical soulmate shit doesn’t mean I have to believe it as well.”

Jaemin groans. “It’s always about Mark, isn’t it?” He drops his head in the crook of Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Even when it’s about you. You always drag Mark back into it. I bet if you told me about your last hook-up it would somehow find its way back to Mark.”

And suddenly, it is all about Jaemin’s Mark Lee complex. 

“He’s my bestfriend.” Donghyuck mumbles. “Jaemin.” He tries to slowly push Jaemin off of him. “Jaemin.” He repeats.

Jaemin hums. “He has you obsessed with him and he won’t even do anything about it.” He presses a kiss to the side of Donghyuck’s neck. “You look at him like he hung up the stars and the moon.” He starts slowly sucking on the skin, moving lower and lower. 

“Jaemin.” Donghyuck repeats again. 

Jaemin sits up straight, hand coming to trace over the marks he left. “If I were him, I’d make sure you never even left my side.” His hand finds the waistband of Donghyuck’s sweatpants. “I’d keep you in my bed every evening and every weekend. I’d make you breakfast and I’d fuck you in our shower. I’d let Mark know that I finally have what he doesn’t.”

And Donghyuck shouldn’t do this. He loves Mark. He never wants to hurt him, not like this. But if he’s going to fuck up his life then this is how he’s going to do it. Maybe Mark should’ve thought about keeping his boyfriend in check. 

Donghyuck giggles. “I bet Mark fucked me better than you ever can.” Donghyuck sits up before crashing his lips onto Jaemin’s. He licks into his mouth in a messy sort of desperation. 

When they pull away, Jaemin chuckles. “I don’t think he’s ever fingered you to an orgasm before, has he?” He pushes Donghyuck back down into the couch cushions, only to flip him around immediately and pull his sweatpants and underwear down in one swift move. 

“Jaemin.” Donghyuck whines. “Baby.” He says. 

Jaemin hums. “Yeah?” Somehow, he’s already pressing a wet finger against Donghyuck’s rim. Donghyuck would hate to know where the lube came from. 

“This is a bad idea.” Donghyuck mumbles. “We should stop before it’s too late.” He looks back over his shoulder to see Jaemin, stupid headband and all. He wants to stop. He feels like he can’t. 

“Just because Mark is too sweet to fuck you doesn’t mean I can’t.” Jaemin slowly pushes in and Donghyuck lets out a shaky breath. “He talks about it, did you know?”

Donghyuck shakes his head, dropping it on the couch rest, forehead slowly becoming sweaty. “Don’t.” He warns. 

Jaemin just laughs. “He talks about how he’d love to sit you in his lap. He wants you on his knees. He wants me on my knees, next to you. I bet he’d even suck you off if you really asked him to.” He crooks his finger in and out until Donghyuck’s breaths turn into slow whines. “He’s wanted you since before he met me. But I want you to know that I want you more.” Jaemin says as he adds a second finger. 

“You shouldn’t compete with him.” Donghyuck whines out. “Jealousy isn’t a good look on- oh!” He gasps as Jaemin presses against the bundle of nerves that has his thighs shaking. By this point, his dick is completely hard, hanging between his legs. 

Jaemin takes it in his other hand, slowly running his thumb over the tip before he starts jerking him off. “It’s not jealousy. It’s desire. It’s envy. I’ll make sure you like me more than him. Don’t worry.” 

And Donghyuck can barely keep it together. “Baby.” He tries. Jaemin doesn’t answer for a while. He keeps pressing into Donghyuck with his fingers until Donghyuck’s almost begging for more.

Jaemin laughs at him again, all mean. “Whatever he gives you, I can do better.” He adds the third finger and Donghyuck moans at the stretch. He can’t even ask Jaemin to reiterate nor can he give an answer to the statement. 

“M’gonna-” He hiccups and Jaemin coos at him. 

“It’s okay. Come for me.” He mumbles. 

Donghyuck shakes his head, trying to hold his orgasm at bay. “The couch!” He whines. “Let me turn around-”

Jaemin shakes his head, even when Donghyuck can’t see it. “No.” He keeps going. “Come on the couch. Let go.” He demands and Donghyuck listens. 

He comes with a silent moan, before it turns into a small whine. Jaemin fingers him through it before Donghyuck starts huffing at him. Jaemin runs his hands up and down Donghyuck’s hips before he grabs a tissue to wipe away most of the residue. Donghyuck eventually turns around, eyes filled with anger. 

Jaemin clicks the roof of his mouth. “You shouldn’t be angry.” He states as Donghyuck pulls his underwear and pants back up. 

“You should be scared for your relationship.” Donghyuck frowns. 

Jaemin shrugs. “Mark will probably just think it’s hot.”

“It’s cheating.” Donghyuck sighs, hands rubbing over his face. “I’m so fucked.” He mumbles. 

It’s then that the door opens. “Hey.” Mark calls out, gleefully. 

“Hyung!” Jaemin smiles. “You’ll never believe what just happened!”

Donghyuck feels mortified. “Mark-” He starts as Mark walks into the room.

“He let me finger him.” Jaemin says leaning into the couch cushions. “I bet he never let you do that.” He smirks. 

Mark stops in his tracks. His ears turn red. “We never really had time for that.” He eventually says, softly. “Was it good?”

“Hyung.” Donghyuck says with a whine. “Why aren’t you angry?” He sits up straight. 

“Jaemin’s been wanting to do that for a while.” Mark shrugs. “It was bound to happen.”

And Donghyuck suddenly feels bile rise up his throat. This is weird. This isn’t a good kind of weird. This is a type of weird that makes you feel like you made a mistake. This is a type of weird that makes you feel like you’re walking into something you’re not ready for. It’s the type of weird where you’re clearly left out of the loop. 

Donghyuck feels like he’s playing with fire. Mark’s eyes still look like they have stars in them. Jaemin’s words are still on his wrist. He shouldn’t do this. He can’t do this. “I can’t do this.” He blurts out. “I’m gonna go.” He stands up. 

“Hyuck-” Mark frowns. “It’s okay.” He tries to step forward. 

“None of this is close to being okay.”  Donghyuck frowns. “So I’m gonna go home and in a week I’ll pretend like it never happened.”

“Donghyuck.” Jaemin tries, but Donghyuck is already by the door, pulling his jacket around his body and slipping into his slides. 

“We should talk about this.” Mark calls. “We promised.” 

Donghyuck swings his bag over his shoulder. They had promised. When they were thirteen and fourteen and stupid enough to make a lifelong pact. They were on day two of a sleepover at Donghyuck’s house and they hadn’t left the room all day. They were playing on their nintendo’s when Donghyuck decided that he never wanted to experience being bestfriends with anyone else. Mark said that they should always talk stuff out. They should always come to eachother first. It was an easy decision at the time. 

Little does Mark know that Donghyuck had broken that promise two years ago. “In a week, we’ll pretend like it never happened.” He repeats. “I don’t want to fucking talk about it.” He spits out as he sees Mark step in front of him. “Keep your fucking boyfriend in check next time.” He says, full of rage. It feels unfounded when they clearly see no issue with it. 

Donghyuck can’t quite gather his head around it though. They should be angry. They should be weirded out. If they won’t, then Donghyuck will just do it for everyone involved. 

“Okay.” Mark says, features softening. “Please just let me know you’re okay.”

Donghyuck feels like there’s fire coming out of his ears. “You’re not my fucking mother. I’ll do what I want.” And with that, he’s out of the door, closing it behind him with a slam. 

And Mark doesn’t seem to get the hint. He texts Donghyuck that same evening. Then he texts him the morning after, and the afternoon after, and the evening after. Two days later, Jaemin texts Donghyuck to answer Mark’s texts. So obviously Donghyuck doesn’t. 

“Someone told me you ran out of Jaemin and Mark’s place in a hurry a few days ago.” Renjun says as he steps up to the booth. 

Donghyuck is leaning against the railing of the soccer field. Since it’s the first semester the university has set up different booths on the field to get students associated with different clubs and associations. Ten had asked Donghyuck to help run the booth with a few other people, in exchange for a few drinks the next time they went out. It was an easy deal. 

Donghyuck groans. “Who snitched?” He looks at Renjun. 

“Mark did.” Renjun hums, looking at the flyers and other stuff sitting on the table. “He’s sulking. Talk to him.”

Donghyuck shakes his head. “I told him I needed a week. It’s not my fault he acts like he’s my mother.” He shrugs. 

“He cares about you.” Renjun snorts. “Just because it makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean that he’s a helicopter parent.” He picks up a folder to read through it. He never once stops the conversation. “I don’t know what happened between you, but you know that giving them the silent treatment never works out well for you.”

Donghyuck huffs. “It’s just for a week.” He meant to put it past him, the way Jaemin had him moaning into the cushions of the couch. The way Mark had asked if it was good. Donghyuck didn’t need that sort of mess in his life. He had enough of that already. “It’s not my fault that Mark never respects my boundaries.”

Renjun laughs, soft but condescending. “You clearly like them. They clearly like you. I’m surprised it took them this long to do something about it. I don’t know why you’re running from it.”

“Don’t.” Donghyuck warns. “I don’t want to be some plaything between two soulmates, no matter how much I might like them. I think I deserve more than that, don’t you?”

Renjun finally looks up and his eyes soften. “Hyuck.” He frowns. “You know that’s not what they think of you.”

“Yeah well I’m getting kind of sick of every single one of you telling me how great it is to have a soulmate. How amazing life is with someone by your side, destined to be yours. You all push and push and push and push.” He feels irritation grating in his voice. It’s clear as day. “You have Jisung and Jeno has Chenle. You could never imagine what it feels like to intrude on something like that. If they want me that bad they should notice that it’s not what’s good for any of us.” 

“We don’t think you’re lesser than us. A soulmate bond would never stop Mark from falling in love with you. You know that he’s only had eyes for you since you were kids.” Renjun steps closer. “We will always have room for you.” He smiles softly. “We miss you.”

“You still don’t fucking get it, do you?” Donghyuck scoffs. “You all look at me with pity in my eyes. You look at me like I’m missing out on something that has changed your lives. You don’t think I’m lesser than you but you all think I’m sad, pitiful and depressing. You could never imagine not having this bond rule your lives.” He takes a deep breath. “I hear the way you talk about my new friends. I know what you think about this association.”

“You know that’s not true.” Renjun says, eyebrows furrowed together. He looks around them, only to notice that everyone’s looking at them. 

Donghyuck notices it too. He sighs. He feels sick. He feels his fingers tremble as his soulmate-mark pricks and pricks. “I’ll talk to Mark and Jaemin.” He says in the end. “I’ll be there next week for movie night.” He adds. “I don’t want to hear anything about what we’ve just talked about. It’s done.”

“Donghyuck-” Renjun sighs. 

“It’s done.” Donghyuck says before he grabs his bag and walks off the field, leaving Renjun standing there. 

An hour later, he’s standing in front of Mark and Jaemin’s door. Mark is already at the front door when he steps out of the elevator. 

“Hyuck.” Mark says softly, eyes sad. 

“Hey.” Donghyuck answers back, standing in front of the door as Mark looks him up and down. “Are you going to let me in or am I just gonna stand here?”

“Oh.” Mark mumbles before he’s moving backwards, letting Donghyuck into the hallway. “You didn’t answer any of my texts.”

“Yeah, well.” Donghyuck kicks off his shoes. “You didn’t really listen to me when I said I needed a week.”

“You know I worry.” Mark says so softly and so sweetly that it breaks Donghyuck’s heart as much as it frustrates him. Mark closes the door behind them and leans against it. “You didn’t cheat on me.”

And Donghyuck’s shoulders shudder. “Since when do you start conversations so bluntly?” He turns to Mark. “You don’t do that.”

“You don’t kiss people’s boyfriends normally either.’’ Mark blurts out and Donghyuck feels redness creeping up his cheeks. 

“Yeah well it’s not my fault he has a weird Mark Lee complex.” Donghyuck scoffs. “It’s not my fault you can’t stop being a bitch about it either.”

He expects Mark to start crying, to get angry. He has been through fights with Mark hundreds of times. None have ever gone like this. Mark starts laughing. 

“He’s a little weird.” Mark grins. “You like it though.” He shrugs. His hair is sticking up in all sorts of directions, glasses on his nose. He hasn’t shaved in a few days and his stubble looks rough. Donghyuck wants to run his hands over it. He’s pretty sure he’s in Jaemin’s sweatpants and t-shirt. It looks good on him. They hang low on his waist. It looks nice. Mark is nice. Donghyuck gets frustrated. 

“What do you want from me?” Donghyuck sighs. “I don’t- stop being fucking cryptic.”

“We could’ve had this talk last week if you hadn’t run out with your tail between your legs.” Mark hums. “I love you.” He says, confidently. 

Donghyuck frowns. “So?” He clicks his tongue to the roof of his mouth. “Do you think that makes you special? Do you think that makes this all okay?” It’s mean. Donghyuck is mean. 

“I’m pretty sure you’re in love with me too so I don’t really get what you’re so mad about.” Mark scoffs. Oh, Donghyuck thinks. He’s finally struck a nerve. Good. Let the fucker be mad. 

“You already have a boyfriend. You have a soulmate.” Donghyuck leans against the wall behind him. He’s pretty sure they’re not gonna be moving to some place comfortable anytime soon and Mark is still blocking his only way out. 

“Who’s head over heels for you, if you haven’t noticed.” Mark frowns. 

“I noticed.”

“So what’s the problem?” Mark shrugs. “Clearly you have some sort of soulmate complex. Because between the blatant lying and the patch on your wrist, I don’t know what else to call it.”

“I’m not playing house with you.” Donghyuck spits out, full of anger. “I’m not going to be some sort of oddity in your fucking relationship just because Jaemin turned out to like fucking with me. I won’t do it.”

“When have we ever asked that of you?!” Mark shakes with anger now. “I can’t help it that Jaemin got to you first! If I had things my way then we would’ve talked about it. I can’t help that I fell for you. It’s not a crime. It’s not a crime to love you, Donghyuck. It’s not a crime to be in love with me.” 

Donghyuck’s mother used to tell stories about how the moon and the sun were the first soulmates the universe created. She told stories about how the earth would weep when the moon rose when the sun left the sky. Donghyuck used to think he was the sun and Mark was the moon. Now he thinks Jaemin might be the earth. It’s all stupid. 

It’s stupid because he grew up with Mark. He’s loved him as a child to an adult and everything in between. He held Mark's hands in movie theaters when the movie got scary. He cried on Mark’s shoulder when his high school girlfriend broke up with him. They laid in fields and talked about the past, the future. At some point Donghyuck realised that the future he wanted would never be his. So he tried his best to have everything he wanted before it all fell apart. He had Mark, even when Mark didn’t know it. He had him. He loved him back when it meant everything and nothing. 

He loved Mark when Jaemin loved Mark. Mark might not think it’s a crime but to Donghyuck it’s a lifelong sentence to purgatory. 

“It is a crime to me.” Donghyuck gets out through gritted teeth. “I will not spend my life wasting time with you when there’s so much more to do! There’s so much more to see than be shackled to stupid fucking soulmate nonesense. Loving you is the best thing to ever happen to me. I just refuse to be a bitch like you two and spend my life in the misty haze of sappy magical bullshit. I’m better than that.”

Mark’s eyebrows furrow together. His hands ball into fists. “Just because you refuse to run after your soulmate doesn’t mean no one else gets to be happy!” He takes a step forward. In the narrow hallway, it means they’re face to face. “Oh look everyone!” Mark says with a pitch to his voice. “I’m Lee Donghyuck and my soulmate doesn’t love me so I act like I’m cool with it and ruin my life by lying to all of my friends! Oh look everyone!” He repeats, so close to Donghyuck’s face that he can feel Mark’s breath on his cheeks. “I’m Lee Donghyuck and I’m such a victim to my own bad decisions that I make life hard for everyone around me.”

“I don’t sound like that.” Donghyuck scoffs as he looks away.

Mark laughs in his face. His normally sweet and shy Mark is suddenly so mean. Donghyuck is the only one who gets him like this. He’s the only one who finds satisfaction in it as well. He’s fucked up. “You’re not a whiny bitch?”

Donghyuck shakes his head. “Not for assholes like you.” He finally looks at Mark, only to find the older man staring at his lips. 

‘Whatever, fuck it’, he thinks the moment their lips meet. Mark presses him into the wall with so much force that the coats beside them fall off the rack. Donghyuck’s hands slip underneath Mark’s shirt as Mark’s hands slip around his waist. Mark grabs at the skin on his waist and pinches and pulls so Donghyuck digs his claws into his bestfriend’s back. 

Mark bites at his lip to retaliate. Donghyuck moans. Fuck. 

“Whiny bitch.” Mark laughs at him as he grabs Donghyuck by the nape of his neck, spinning him around and starts pushing and pushing until he stops at the kitchen island. 

“Fuck you.” Donghyuck spits out. Mark pushes him onto the counter so hard Donghyuck has to let go of fighting Mark to place his palms flat onto the counter so he doesn’t hit his head. At least he’s pretty sure he slapped Mark across the face on the way over here. 

Mark holds him down by the nape of his neck as he moves to the side and opens a drawer, rummaging through it until he finds what he needs. Donghyuck’s angry, but he’s pretty sure lube isn’t in their kitchen drawers. 

He’s wanted Mark for so long. He had Mark like this for so long. But before it was sweet. It was nasty, sure. They were younger and were just trying stuff out together. But Mark was always sweet. He was demanding and rough but he was always Mark. He was never like this. Donghyuck has never gotten Mark so riled up, so frustrated and angry at him. 

He giggles at the thought of getting Mark so angry that he does something he would never do. Mark is always collected until you push and push and he snaps. Donghyuck has never gotten him this far. The mix of anger in his body and delight at pissing Mark off so bad make him so fucking hard that it starts getting harder to think. 

“Giggling at what?” Mark scoffs. “Jesus christ you’re pissing me off.” He spits out and Donghyuck can feel drops of spit land on his back. He wonders when Mark pulled his t-shirt up so far that it got stuck under his armpits. His hand that doesn’t push Donghyuck down, stills at the waistband of his pants. 

“Even pissed off you’re still a fucking pussy. Fuck it out of me if you’re that angry.” Donghyuck scoffs back and that seems to do it. 

Mark groans and immediately pulls the waistband of his pants down, leaving scratches where his nails rake against his skin. His underwear goes next, pooling on the floor around his feet. He doesn’t speak as he presses two fingers against Donghyuck’s hole. 

“Just so you know.” Mark starts as he pushes in. “You fucking started this.” 

And Donghyuck can’t think about anything other than the intrusion. He can’t think about how the stretch feels so satisfactory to his anger and his arousal. He can barely register that it’s oil that Mark’s using. Whatever. 

Mark doesn’t even try to find the bundle of nerves. He makes quick work of it and Donghyuck bites his lip to stop himself from whining. “I knew you could fucking take it.” Mark mumbles and Donghyuck wonders if Mark wants him to answer that. Mark isn’t even trying and Donghyuck already feels like he’s falling apart. 

At some point, Donghyuck gets bored. “Fuck me already.” He says, voice breathy. “I’m ready. Fuck me.”

Mark shakes his head, eventhough Donghyuck can’t see it. “I’m not going to hurt you. Not like this.”

Donghyuck whines. He can’t believe Mark would still be sweet, even when he’s like this. “Hyung.” He calls out. “Hyung, I'm ready. I promise.”

And Mark stills for a second, thinking about those words. “Yeah.” He mumbles before he’s pulling his fingers out and replacing it with his length. 

“Fuck.” Donghyuck groans, finally giving up trying to fight back against the hand on his neck. He drops his forehead on the counter, hands beside his head. 

“Jesus.” Mark curses. “I fucking missed this.” And then he starts thrusting in and out, as hard as he can. Donghyuck’s hips bump into the edge of the counter and he’s pretty sure he’s going to have a big rectangular bruise there the following week. 

Mark’s hands tangle into Donghyuck’s hair after a while of just silence except for the sound of skin slapping against skin. He pulls Donghyuck up to rest his back against his chest, one hand splaying across the younger man’s chest. The other hand pulls the edge of Donghyuck’s shirt aside so he can mouth at the skin there. He stretches the shirt out until Donghyuck hears it tear. 

“No marks.” Donghyuck whines. “No marks hyung.”

Mark just shakes his head. “I couldn’t fucking care less if anyone sees.” He says as he sucks harshly on the skin between Donghyuck’s neck and shoulder. 

It takes Donghyuck a while before he can reach behind him and drag Mark’s head back by grabbing at his hair. “Hyung.” He moans as the hand that was in his hair wraps around his dick instead. 

“Come on.” Mark groans out, breathing on Donghyuck’s cheek. “Let go.”

“Inside me.” Donghyuck huffs. “Inside me hyung please.”

“Yeah?” Mark laughs. “Come on then.”

And Donghyuck comes, all over the side of the kitchen island and Mark’s hand. Mark slowly fucks him through it before he stills, pressing Donghyuck into his own mess and coming inside. 

They don’t say anything for a few seconds afterward, both of them catching their breaths until Mark slowly pulls out. Donghyuck groans at the sticky and oily feeling dripping down his legs. 

Mark steps away, grabbing a clean cloth and wetting it under lukewarm water, before he cleans Donghyuck up in silence. 

“We shouldn’t do that again.” Donghyuck says after Mark ushers him into the shower. Mark doesn’t say anything until he rubs shampoo through Donghyuck’s hair. 

“You used to love the idea of meeting your soulmate.” 

Donghyuck feels a shiver run down his spine. “Yeah well, it wasn’t who I wanted it to be.” It wasn’t Mark. And even when it isn’t Mark, it’s not fucking mutual. If Donghyuck had been given to anyone else, he’s sure he could’ve made it work. If he had been given to some random guy he could’ve done it. If he had been given to some random girl he could’ve been it for them. But the universe stopped halfway and cut the thread off before Donghyuck could ever become someone else’s. No matter how much he might want Mark or Jaemin, he will never have what they have. He will always have a reminder in his head that it isn’t Mark. He will always be reminded of the fact that Jaemin doesn’t have his words on his arm. He can’t love them unconditionally. He can’t and he won’t. 

“So then why is giving it a chance such a bad idea?” 

“Because you guys are soulmates.” Donghyuck answers honestly, rinsing his shampoo out. His back is to Mark and he prefers to keep it that way. 

“It doesn’t mean anything to us, Donghyuck.” Mark steps forward, hands coming around Donghyuck’s waist. His forehead falls onto the back of Donghyuck’s shoulder. He presses soft kisses into the skin there. “You were mine long before Jaemin and I were ever eachother’s. These words mean nothing.”

“They mean everything to me.” Donghyuck says before he steps out of the shower. He opens the drawer underneath the sink to fish out a bandage. 

“Don’t look.” He tells Mark. He waits until Mark turns around before he rips off the old patch and sticks on a new one.

They go to bed without talking to eachother after that and Mark falls asleep with his back turned to Donghyuck. Donghyuck makes his way out of the bedroom an hour after Mark falls asleep. He’s tying his shoe laces when the light turns on in the hallway. He blinks. 

“You’re running away from him.” Jaemin says. He looks sleepy. He must’ve been on the couch. He must’ve come home when Donghyuck and Mark went to bed. Donghyuck never heard him come in. 

Donghyuck feels tears brimming his eyes. “Yeah.” He answers honestly. 

Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow. “Okay.” He mumbles. “Don’t expect us to still be here when you get over yourself.”

Donghyuck’s pulling on his jacket by the time he answers. His hand is on the doorknob. “Don’t worry. I don’t really get over myself anyway.” 

“Yeah.” Jaemin hums. “You should learn how to do that.”

Donghyuck lets out a small laugh. “Right. I don’t think I want to.” He opens the door slowly. “Goodnight Jaemin.”

“Goodnight baby.” Jaemin calls back, just to be mean. 

When Donghyuck closes the door behind him he pretends like it’s real. Like Jaemin wasn’t mean. 

In the weeks that follow, he pretends like nothing ever happened at all. Over the last few weeks he’s shown that he’s pretty good at it. If you really think about it, he’s proven time and time again that he’s been good at pretending for years. 

He doesn’t really want to think about it either. He doesn’t want to think about how he might just have ruined his friendship with Mark and Jaemin just because he refuses to make it messy. He doesn’t want to think about what he could have if he set aside his own pride. In some sort of way he’s more angry with them than he is at himself. 

They don’t know what it’s like to walk through life in love with someone for years. They don’t know what it’s like, knowing that you’ll never be theirs, not truly. They don’t know what it’s like to have ugly, scarred up words on his wrist that itch and tingle and send shivers down his spine in all the bad ways. They don’t know what it’s like to wake up from a dream, scratching at it until it bleeds. They don’t know what it’s like to dream about dying with no one by his side who has ever truly loved him. 

What they should know by now, is that Donghyuck’s petty and prideful. If he says he doesn’t want to talk about it, then he won’t. If he says the topic of discussion is over, then it’s over. Donghyuck is mature and kind. People love him. People flock to him like moths to a flame. But if this is one of his only flaws then he feels obliged to keep it. 

“I’ve never been bothered as much by someone’s friends as I have by yours.” Ten says as he sits across from Donghyuck on the couch. Donghyuck had heard that his friends had tried to reach him through Ten. So far he hadn’t folded.

“Yeah well, me too.” Donghyuck mumbles. He has his head leaning against Johnny’s shoulder as they play a game on the switch. Donghyuck got 10th on the Rainbow Road track in Mario Kart. He whines. 

“So who’s Mark?” Ten frowns. “Is it the sad looking guy with the snapback and the hockey jacket? The one that’s always next to Jaemin.”

Donghyuck hums. “The one and only.” He murmurs. 

“That’s the bestfriend then?” Ten raises a brow. 

Donghyuck nods. “Yeah. Jaemin’s the boyfriend, and you know.” He holds up his wrist before dropping it back in his lap and laying flat on the couch. Johnny takes the controller out of his hands and places both of theirs on the coffee table.

“So what are you guys fighting about?” Johnny asks. “If you don’t mind talking about it?” He offers. 

Donghyuck shrugs. “They keep asking me to take off the bandaid or talk to my totally made up soulmate to see if he really isn’t gay. Then Jaemin fingered me on their couch. I totally thought I cheated with him on Mark but then Mark wasn’t bothered and it freaked me out.” He huffs. “Like what the fuck? And then Renjun came to talk to me about how I shouldn’t ignore them but then he tried to convince me that I wouldn’t be an intrusion to their soulmate stuff and that they were in love with me and that nothing mattered except for love.” 

Donghyuck takes a deep breath before continuing. “Then I got mad and tried to talk to Mark but then we had a fight and had sex and then I walked out in the middle of the night and now I’m refusing to answer any messages regarding said situation so that means we’re not really talking right now.”

It’s silent for a little while and Donghyuck sees Ten and Johnny mull his dilemma over in their heads. 

“Clearly they want you.” Johnny says, carefully. 

Donghyuck nods. “Affirmative.” He says sarcastically.

“And you want them.” He states and Donghyuck hums in confirmation. “So why don’t you just tell them what problem you’re camping with and talk to them?”

“I don’t like feeling like I’m beneath people.” Donghyuck answers honestly. “Admitting that the universe made me some sort of Jaemin admirer and Mark lover feels bad. I don’t like feeling that way.” He groans. “And it’s messy to get involved with two soulmates. I just want them back as my friends.”

Ten hums. “Okay. So tell them the truth. Then say you want to be friends again.”

Donghyuck whips his head around so fast it hurts. “You’re crazy.”

“You can just leave out the details. Tell them that you lied about the gay guy. Tell them that it’s someone you used to know and that it wasn’t mutual. I bet they’ll back off once they know how serious it is. You get to keep your dignity and receive minimal pity and they have an explanation as to why soulmates are a sore subject for you.”

Donghyuck wants to complain and disagree. So he does. “I don’t think I like that idea.”

Realistically, it’s a great way to solve all his issues. He gets to keep his biggest secret to himself and Mark and Jaemin will hop off his dick. Literally and figuratively. Even if it hurts him. Even if he is desperately attracted to the both of them.

Johnny laughs at him, patting his side. “You’ll live.”

A day later, Donghyuck doesn’t think that’s the case. He had called ahead, so both Mark and Jaemin knew he was coming. It still doesn’t make it feel any less nervewracking. 

Mark opens the door. 

“Hi hyung.” Donghyuck says softly. 

“Donghyuck.” Mark frowns. He steps aside to let Donghyuck into the apartment. For once, the younger man doesn’t haphazardly throw his slides off. Instead, he sits them by the cabinet neatly. He hangs up his jacket carefully. It’s awkward. It’s so fucking uncomfortable. 

He follows Mark into the living area, where Jaemin is already sitting on the couch. He’s shirtless, because of course he is. Donghyuck hates him and he hates everything. Mark sits down next to Jaemin and Donghyuck takes the armchair. 

It’s daytime still, but the sun has started to set slowly, leaving the apartment in a homey sort of light orange and pinks. Everything but the big light is already on and Donghyuck hates how he used to bask in this feeling, right here. He feels out of place now. 

“So?” Jaemin says with a brow raised. 

Donghyuck isn’t going to say sorry. He won’t say sorry. “I’m sorry.” Fuck. “I just needed a little time to get my head around everything.”

“Three weeks isn’t a little time.” Jaemin reminds him. 

“Yeah well it’s the time I needed.” He sinks into the chair. “I didn’t mean to run out on you. Both times. I never should have done that and it was a dick move.”

Mark finally seems to want to look Donghyuck in the eye. Donghyuck continues. “I don’t regret anything.” He might. He doesn’t know if it’s regret or longing for something that’s within his reach but he can’t allow himself to have or if it's a big messy mixture of both. “I know I can be impulsive and confusing and everything under the sun. I just-” He looks up as tears begin to form at his lower lashline. He blinks them away. “I do love you both.” He says for the first time, like this, with the right tone and the right meaning behind the words. “But I can’t be with you and I need you to respect that decision.”

Jaemin scoffs, leaning back into the couch cushions. “Right.”

Mark leans forward, hands clasped together and elbows resting on his knees. “Why not?” He asks, soft and kind. 

“Because I have a soulmate.” Donghyuck says, voice hoarse as it comes out. “And I’m sick of everyone rubbing their perfect match in my face.” He says bitterly. 

Mark shakes his head. “I’m so fucking frustrated.” He starts. “It’s so unlike you to fix your problems immediately. Getting someone to like you has never been a problem before so I don’t understand why you’re playing the victim now. If soulmates are such a big deal then why would you let him get away? And if you don’t want him, why don’t you want us?”

Donghyuck scoffs. “Right.” He rolls his eyes. “Yeah well I lied.” He shrugs, feeling defensive. “I met my soulmate when I said I did but he never had my words on his arm. He didn’t even have any words to light up.” He looks to the side as he continues. “I’m never even going to know what having a soulmate bond feels like. The words aren’t even black. They’re crooked and they itch and they’re scabbed over and-” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to spend my time wondering why other people have what I don’t. I have some halfassed bond and I don’t want to live with a reminder of what the universe refuses to give me.” He looks back at Mark and Jaemin and he can’t read them. He can’t read if it’s anger or pity on their face. He hates it. 

He hates that it’s Jaemin on his wrist. He hates that he wishes it had been Mark. He hates it all.

“Donghyuck.” Mark says, voice breaking. “Fuck.” He mutters out. “I didn’t know.” He mumbles. 

Donghyuck hums. “That was kind of the whole point.”

Jaemin, for once, is speechless. “So that’s why you wear the patch over it? Because it hurts?” 

“No.” Donghyuck shakes his head. “Because it looks ugly.” He blurts out. “And because I haven’t told anyone else aside from Ten and Johnny.” His eyes fly from Jaemin’s figure to Mark’s and back and forth. “And now you guys.”

“If I had known that this was going on then I would never have pushed you so far. I thought-” Mark shakes his head. “I don’t know?” He huffs. “I thought you were available, I guess. And I love you- We love you. I don’t know what I thought, actually. Oh man, I’m sorry.”

“So why are you telling us now?” Jaemin asks. 

“Because I love you too.” Donghyuck says, knees to his chest. “And I don’t want to lose you guys as my friends. I don’t- Mark hyung.” He calls out. “I don’t want to watch more than ten years of friendship go down the drain.”

“You know I would never let that happen.” Mark smiles softly. 

He didn’t have a lot of expectations going into this conversation. He had fears, mostly. He was afraid that he would get looked at with pity. Which he did, but it got pushed back really quick. He was also afraid that they were going to ask who his soulmate mark was for. They didn’t, so bingo! He was also afraid that it would be too easy afterwards, to actually pretend like it never happened. 

All these weeks it’s all he’s ever wanted. He wanted to pretend like it didn’t happen, so he didn’t talk about it. He feels a little silly now, an hour later as he lays with his head in Mark’s lap and his feet in Jaemin’s lap. He feels silly because it’s too easy to go back to what they were. It’s too easy to go back to friends, back to their dynamic. 

It makes him feel stupid, for not talking about it sooner. It makes him wonder if he should’ve never told that lie. It makes him dizzy, thinking about all the chances he’s throwing away because he was so afraid he would never return from reaching those goals or failing them. He feels undeniably nauseous at the thought of not trying his hardest because he’s afraid of not succeeding, only to find out there’s no option to fail if they alway go back to how they were. 

He doesn’t like this type of pretending that it never happened. He only likes the angsty, anger inducing ghosting and failing to move past events. He doesn’t like this because the fear of missing your one chance is unmistakably worse than wallowing in anger and self pity. 

But he’s never been the best at facing his feelings head on. He is good at getting what he wants, though. 

So they don’t get together. That’s what it comes down to. Donghyuck got what he wanted. They talked it out and it’s nice. Or at least, that’s what it’s supposed to be. It doesn’t actually feel nice, going in circles, dancing around eachother. 

The words aren’t even unspoken. They’re loud and clear and they hang above Donghyuck’s head like he’s awaiting an execution. His fingers have begun to itch, the words on his wrist hurt more often than not. He still dreams about them hating him. He still dreams about the universe taking a scissor to the red thread that was supposed to connect him to someone else. He still dreams about ending up alone. 

There are moments where Donghyuck starts to wonder if he’s hurting himself more than the universe could ever do to him. He doesn’t like thinking about that. It always makes him end up in the same place. 

Stuck and hurt. 

Angry and humiliated. 

He’s terrified. Not just of the future. He’s terrified of himself. 

Donghyuck is sitting in front of some club, on the curb. It’s not the club he started the evening in. It’s not even a club he usually frequents. He hadn’t even gone inside. The guy he went home with just lived above it and refused to walk him down. He smells like stale beer and his head is spinning. All he can think about is Jaemin, who said he was coming to get him. 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there. All he knows is that it’s only about two in the morning and every single bad decision led him to this moment, drunk, messy and unsatisfied. His bandaid fell off somewhere in the club and he feels terrible. 

“Hey Hyuck.” Jaemin calls. “What happened?”

Donghyuck shrugs. He can’t even pull a sleeve over his wrist because he’s wearing a short sleeved top. He hates himself. He hates the universe for making him hate himself. 

“I don’t know.” Donghyuck mumbles, standing up and looking at Jaemin. 

Jaemin’s eyes flicker over his face. “Are you hurt?” He asks, concern evident in his features. 

Donghyuck shakes his head. “No.” Not physically anyway. Except for the fact that his soulmate-mark started hurting the moment he kissed the guy and it hadn’t stopped. Not even when he ripped the bandaid off. It’s itchy and red and it hurts when he touches it. 

He’s also pretty sure he’s going to have bruises on his body from the way the guy pushed him around his apartment. But he thinks that’s an issue for the day after. “I just- I can’t fucking do this anymore.” He wipes at the tears falling from his eyes. He knows Jaemin doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He knows that. 

Jaemin seems to realise his bandaid is gone. “We can put a new one on there when I take you home.” He leads Donghyuck to his car, that’s parked a few cars down. “I promise I won’t look.”

Donghyuck shakes his head as Jaemin opens the door for him. “You were probably gonna find out sooner than later to be honest.” He huffs, buckling himself in. 

Jaemin gets in on the driver’s side. “If I find out, then I want you to be the one to tell me.”

Donghyuck doesn’t think he can do that. He doesn’t think he could take the pity, or the satisfactory look he imagines Jaemin would have. “Sorry you had to pick me up.” He says instead of answering the previous statement. 

Jaemin’s hand finds his hand. He locks their fingers together. “I was still awake anyway. I just got out of the shower when you called.”

Donghyuck doesn’t feel any less guilty than he did half an hour ago when he called. He rubs his thumb over the skin of Jaemin’s hand. “I don’t-” He takes a deep breathe. “I feel like I’m making such a mess of everything lately.” He admits, looking at Jaemin’s side profile. “I never call anyone. I just- I don’t know. I guess I just don’t want to be alone tonight.”

Jaemin doesn’t say anything for a moment. “Do you remember the first time I met you?” He laughs. 

Donghyuck doesn’t know where this is going. He truly hates the irony of that sentence and the situation he’s in. “Yeah.” He mumbles. 

“I told you that I had kinda hoped it had been you.” Jaemin looks at him for a second before his eyes turn back to the road in front of them. In the second they had eye contact, Donghyuck saw a look full of adoration. “I was so happy with Mark as my soulmate. He’s wonderful. He’s extremely attentive and attractive and he’s so fucking hardworking it makes me seem like an amateur sometimes.”

Donghyuck hums. He wants to tell Jaemin that he said the words wrong. Jaemin said something else, something better. He wants to turn over his wrist, just to read those words over and over. He doesn’t. Jaemin continues. “After I went home with Mark when the movie was done I told him what I said. I told him how I didn’t even know you, but it wasn’t a joke. It might have seemed like a joke to everyone else. I love flirting with everything that walks, but I can’t lie and say that my words were meant that way.”

Donghyuck feels his heart stop. “What did Mark say?” He mumbles. He doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol that makes him feel more at ease, or if it’s the aftermath of a night he could have avoided. He feels enticed to listen to Jaemin’s words, to hear them without judgement and anger for once. 

“He told me that he loved you. He told me that he’s always felt like he missed out on something by not having your words on his wrist. He was honest, and that was why I think I came to truly love Mark more.” Jaemin smiles. “You don’t know how many people love you. God I can list them off if you need me too.”

Donghyuck giggles, softly. “I don’t need that.” 

“I know that your soulmate situation isn’t ideal. I know that we will never know what it’s like. But I know it’s not a bad choice to call me when you feel like this. I’ve made a mess of things more often than you’d think. Mark makes things messy more often than you do, you know this. I’m glad you called me, baby.” Jaemin says as he pulls into a parking spot in front of his apartment. “We’re friends before we’re anything else. I might not know you as well as Mark does, but I love you. I just want to be there for you, if you let me.”

Donghyuck hums. Jaemin doesn’t unbuckle himself immediately. He patiently waits for Donghyuck to answer him. “You like me.” Donghyuck sing-songs. 

Jaemin snorts. “Yeah, well. I had only heard what you were like through stories from Mark and I still told you I kinda hoped it were you. I can’t believe it was the first thing I said to you. Everyone’s in love with you Donghyuck. It’s impossible not to be.” He laughs disbelieving, reaching over to unbuckle Donghyuck and then himself, before he walks around the car and opens the door on Donghyuck’s side. 

Donghyuck swings his body around so he’s facing Jaemin. He feels more sober now. He doesn’t know if that makes anything better. 

“Come on.” Jaemin smiles. He looks pretty, Donghyuck thinks. 

“You said that you wished it was me.” Donghyuck corrects before he can even think. 

“What?” Jaemin frowns. 

“When you first met me. You didn’t say I kinda hoped it was you. You said I wish it was you.”

Jaemin shakes his head with a laugh. “I’m pretty sure I know what I said.”

Donghyuck doesn’t know what gets him to do it. He doesn’t know if it’s because he’s tired of feeling like this. He doesn’t know if it’s because he always has the urge to ruin every good thing that comes his way, or if it’s because he’s so in love with Mark and Jaemin that he can no longer pretend he isn’t. 

He holds up his wrist and angles it toward Jaemin, who frowns and looks at Donghyuck before his eyes finally flicker back to his wrist. 

“Oh.” Jaemin says after a few seconds. Donghyuck drops his wrist in his lap. 

“Told you.” Donghyuck says. His heart is beating a mile a minute and he hops out of the car, closing the door behind him and standing in front of Jaemin. He needs to pretend it's okay. He needs to say something. “Can we go up-” He gets cut off by Jaemin’s lips on his. 

And Donghyuck kisses back feverishly. Jaemin cups his cheeks. “Fuck Donghyuck.” He huffs out when they part, resting his forehead against Donghyuck’s. “What the fuck.” He mumbles. “Are you still drunk?” He asks. 

Donghyuck hums. “A little. But I’m sober enough to know I’ll remember this tomorrow.”

Jaemin hums back. “Okay. Just- Let’s talk about this when you wake up, okay? Please.” He begs. “Please.”

And Donghyuck nods. He feels a weird mix of giddy and confused and anxious as they eventually step into Mark and Jaemin’s apartment. “Shower.” Jaemin mumbles. “Do you need help?”

Donghyuck shakes his head. “No.” He mumbles. Jaemin grabs his hand, thumb rubbing over the words. Donghyuck shudders as it pricks. “Careful.” He says softly and Jaemin looks all shy as he lets go. It’s pretty. He’s pretty. Donghyuck makes quick work of the shower, careful not to make too much noise as he steps out and back into the hallway, walking to the living area in the clothes Jaemin had laid out for him. 

“Take this.” Jaemin offers him a paracetamol and a glass of water. He holds the pill in his hand and the glass sits on the counter. Donghyuck’s eyes look at the oven. The time reads four past three am. He can hear Mark snore softly down the hallway. He looks back at Jaemin. “Open.” Jaemin says. 

Donghyuck opens his mouth and Jaemin places it on his tongue. It’s bitter, especially since Jaemin presses down a little harder than he should on his tongue, dragging his fingers away tremendously slowly as he looks Donghyuck in the eye. His cheeks are red and he looks captivated. Donghyuck takes the glass of water and swallows the pill with a small gulp and a grimace. 

“Come to bed with me.” Jaemin says softly. “You said you didn’t want to be alone.” He reminds. 

Donghyuck feels like he should be more defensive. He should be angrier, more anxious. He isn’t. He feels more at ease with the words on his wrist out in the open. He feels less alone with Jaemin by his side. He likes the idea of having Mark next to him as he falls asleep. 

So he nods, easy. “M’kay.”

They slip into bed next to Mark, who wakes up slightly, throwing an arm around Donghyuck’s waist and kicking a leg over the younger’s. Jaemin presses his front to Donghyuck’s back and he can barely recall that Jaemin kissed the back of his head by the time he wakes up in the morning. 

He wakes up alone. There’s light peeking through the curtains and the bed is empty. Donghyuck turns over to look at the alarmclock on Mark’s nightstand to see that it’s almost one o’clock. He picks a zip-up hoodie up from the clothing rack hanging from the door and closes the zipper, pulling the hood up afterwards. He think’s it’s Marks. It smells like him. 

When he opens the door and walks into the living area, he sees Mark sitting on the couch and Jaemin in the kitchen. 

Mark notices him first. “Hey Hyuckie.” He smiles, all soft. He’s still in his sleepwear. Flannel pants and some weirdly tight t-shirt. His hair is messy and there are glasses on his nose. From where Donghyuck is standing, he can only see Jaemin’s back. He’s wearing that ugly headband and this time it even comes with stupid miffy pajama’s. It’s a matching set. Donghyuck hates him. His heart beats faster. 

“Morning.” Donghyuck mumbles, sitting on the other side of the couch, laying down with his knees close to his chest. His head is spinning and it’s too bright in the room. 

He feels bad, physically and mentally. The doom of the impending conversation hangs above his head like a raincloud. He was a big boy yesterday. He has to be that today too, he thinks. He doesn’t want to. The urge to run out the door gets bigger and bigger.

In all honesty, he doesn’t regret it as much as he thought he would. He thought it would ruin his life. He thought it would break everything he had ever tried to keep for himself. Instead. he feels sort of relieved, not having to carry this secret around. 

Mark grabs his ankles and lays them on his lap, running his hands along Donghyuck’s calves. “You’re so tense.” He mumbles. 

Donghyuck groans. “Obviously.” He whines when Mark slips his hands underneath the edge of his shorts and presses down. “Ow!” He hisses. “Don’t do that.”

Mark giggles. “I didn’t even press that hard.” He pushes down again and Donghyuck kicks him. 

“Ow!” Mark presses down once more. Donghyuck pulls away, sitting in the corner of the couch upright, knees to his chest, hoodie still over his head. “Asshole.” He mumbles. 

“Why are you so tense?” Mark asks with a grin. 

“I don’t know! Probably because I told Jaemin he was my soulmate and I’m covered in bites and bruises from a very mediocre fuck! I’m hungover. What do you want me to say?” He grumbles, frowning at Mark. 

Mark short circuits. “Huh?” He mumbles. “Jaemin’s your soulmate?” 

Oh. “Oh.” Donghyuck says. “Oh fuck. Shit.” He whines. “I thought Jaemin told you. I-” He scoots closer. “Hyung.”

Jaemin intercepts from the kitchen with a snort. “It’s not my secret to tell, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck groans. He lays his head on Mark’s shoulder. His hand grabs Mark’s. “Hyung.” He says. 

“That’s why you didn’t want anyone to know.” Mark mumbles, looking down at the hand that’s intertwined with his. He turns it around, looking at the words on Donghyuck’s wrist. “It’s been Jaemin all this time?”

Donghyuck nods. Mark can’t see it. He feels it against his shoulder. “Wow.” Mark says, rubbing his thumb over the area. Donghyuck trembles. 

“Careful.” He says, just like he said to Jaemin the night before. “It hurts when you touch it.”

“Oh.” Mark mumbles. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” Donghyuck says. He waits for a few seconds. “Are you mad at me?” He asks. “I’m sorry I never told you.”

Mark shakes his head with a laugh. “No- No of course I’m not mad. Fuck, Donghyuck why would you even think that? I’m just- I’m sad that you kept this to yourself all this time.”

Donghyuck hums, relief flooding over him. Mark’s left hand wraps around Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Jaemin said you were sad that I wasn’t me.” 

Mark chuckles. “Yeah.”

“We’re kinda fucked up.” Donghyuck answers. He wants to say, me too. But he thinks Mark already knows that. 

Jaemin sets three bowls on the coffee table in front of Mark and Donghyuck, as he sits on the wooden piece of furniture. He looks Mark and Donghyuck in the eye. “When you think about it, it’s kinda funny.” He giggles. 

Donghyuck snorts. “It’s funny to you! You have a Mark Lee complex. I bet this only further entices your weird egotistical boner for me. Pervert.”

“Be nice.” Mark laughs as he pinches at the skin between Donghyuck’s neck and shoulder. Even if it’s over his clothes, it hurts. 

“Ow!” Donghyuck whines again. “I told you not to pinch me!”

“What the hell happened to you?” Mark frowns. “A mediocre fuck shouldn’t hurt this much.”

“Yeah, well.” Donghyuck clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “It’s not my fault he was into licking and biting.” He shrugs. 

“Donghyuck.” Mark frowns again. “You said you were alway careful.” He pinches the skin again.

For the first time in a while, the concern doesn’t frustrate Donghyuck. “Don’t do that!” He flees to the other side of the couch. “Fucking sadistic prick.” He spits out. “I was careful!”

“Right.” Jaemin laughs, handing Mark a bowl. He places a glass of water in front of Donghyuck with another paracetamol. “Take this after your meal.”

“I was careful!” Donghyuck tries again. “I don’t know. I just got too drunk and then he kept biting me and licking everywhere and he came too fast.” He grumbles as he accepts the bowl Jaemin pushes in his hands. “I just wanted to forget a little, you know? But then I guess I felt sad and I called Jaemin. Whatever.” 

“So instead of talking to us about how you were feeling you slept with someone else and then you got emotional and now you’re here?” Jaemin summarizes with a grin. 

“Naturally.” Donghyuck answers, scooping a spoonful of food into his mouth. “Obviously.”

“Naturally.” Mark repeats. “You naturally avoid all your emotions until it turns messy and then you do it over and over again?” 

Donghyuck scoffs. “Yeah well that’s what I like doing. I don’t like talking things out. It feels awkward. I don’t like that.” He shrugs. 

“You’re talking to us now, though.” Jaemin calls out. 

“It’s charity.” Donghyuck mumbles. “I’m doing this for the good of the world.” He’s doing it because he impulsively decided to show Jaemin the words on his wrist and promised to talk it out. He’s also doing it because he accidentally sprung the revelation on Mark and feels bad. Sort of. Not really. A little bit.

“Right.” Jaemin laughs. “Was it also charity when you let Mark fuck you against our kitchen counter and let me finger you on or couch?” Jaemin is wearing that same stupid headband. Donghyuck frowns at it for a second before his eyes soften.

Donghyuck hums. “Clearly. I wouldn’t have done it if you guys didn’t desperately need it.”

“I’d say we’re even more desperate now, though.” Mark smiles. “You know, if you’re talking about charity.”

“You guys have gotten enough charity.” Donghyuck mumbles, setting the bowl in front of him and taking the paracetamol and chugging the glass of water down. He groans as he leans back into the couch cushions. “It’s like he was starving or something, I don’t know.” He furrows his brows as he rubs at a spot on his thigh. 

“Why would you even go out to someone else?” Mark asks, hand once again reaching for the hem of his shorts. 

“Because I was horny and my life is kinda fucked up.” Donghyuck answers, letting Mark’s hand touch his skin. 

Jaemin shakes his head. “No.” He laughs. “Because you don’t wanna be honest and admit that this is a good idea.” He leans forward, inching closer to Donghyuck. “Because you know we could take care of you just the way you like it, but you’re too stubborn to allow it.”

Donghyuck whines. “So what?” He looks at Jaemin. “I don’t think you guys realise that this isn’t a good idea.” He says, tone getting increasingly serious. “I’m not going to spend the rest of my life being an addition to an already existing soulmate relationship. I will always have the reminder that there’s no one destined for me. I don’t want to fucking belong to someone, only to spend the rest of my life feeling like there’s a part missing.”

“You’re not an addition.” Mark says softly, hand caressing Donghyuck’s skin. “You’re the foundation of everything our relationship is built upon. You’re the start of what we are.”

Donghyuck closes his eyes for a second. “It physically hurts me, Mark.” One of his hands lays across his own forehead as he sighs. “I can’t sleep at night without waking up in a cold sweat due to dreams about this stupid fucking problem. The words itch and burn. My fingers shake and it feels like pin pricks digging into the tips of my fingers at least a few times a week. You don’t know how much I wish it were different.”

“Then let us help you.” Jaemin urges. His hand cups Donghyuck’s cheek. “Let us help you find a solution. Let us make it a little better.”

“I don’t know if I can allow that to happen.” Donghyuck says softly. “I can’t.” He answers honestly. 

His head hurts, and now so does his heart. Mark and Jaemin’s eyes look at him with despair, with regret. They look at him with disappointment. Donghyuck has to remind himself that this is what he gets for staying true to his pride and his worries. This is the result of his own actions. He made his bed so he has to lie in it. 

Jaemin’s hand pulls away. “I’m not going to spend the rest of my time chasing after you. I don’t want to have to convince you that you want this.” He sighs. “I’m not saying that we’ll be waiting for you. But you can come find us when you get over your pride.” He stands up, looking at Donghyuck. 

He doesn’t look mad. He doesn’t look exasperated. He looks like he’s in love. It’s killing Donghyuck. Jaemin walks back to the kitchen with the empty bowls in his hand. 

“Hyuck.” Mark says softly. “We’ll be okay.”

Donghyuck didn’t care enough to find out what Mark meant by that. On the contrary, he cared so much that he didn’t dare ask. 

“It looks nice, hyung.” Jisung smiles as he walks up behind Donghyuck a few weeks later. Donghyuck is cleaning up after an event hosted by Ten. It was a meeting of different people like him. Different people like them. 

Donghyuck looks up to find Jisung looking over his shoulder. He’s sitting on the ground, laptop open on the invitation for next month’s event. “Thanks.” He smiles, closing his laptop. “What are you doing here?” He says as he stands up. 

“I came to see how you were doing.” Jisung shrugs. His fingers flex uncomfortably beside him and Donghyuck laughs. 

“Right.” He nods. “Who wants to know how I’m doing?” He smiles at Jisung. 

“No one!” Jisung shakes his head.  His cheeks turn red and he stutters. He’s sweet, Donghyuck thinks. Jisung has always been sweet to him. 

There was a time before any of them met eachother. Mark had already gone off to university and Donghyuck had bumped into Jisung during a tour on campus. Donghyuck introduced him to Renjun a month later and the rest is history. Donghyuck thinks Jisung hasn’t changed a bit since then. Jisung would’ve broken underneath the littlest pressure then, as he does now. 

“Renjun and Mark asked me to talk to you. They said something about you always listening to me or something, I don’t know.” He groans. 

“I like you the most out of everyone else.” Donghyuck shrugs. “Not the worst observation they’ve ever made.” He packs his bag, shoving his laptop inside. “Why don’t they ask me themselves? I’m sure-”

“Hyuck!” A voice calls as the door opens. “Ten and I are going out two weeks from now! Do you wanna come?” Johnny smiles. “Oh sorry! Didn’t know you had anyone in here.”

Donghyuck smiles. “Yeah I’ll be there. Call me?” He asks and Johnny nods before the door closes behind him. Donghyuck turns back to Jisung. “Are you all going out for lunch?” 

Jisung nods so Donghyuck swings his bag around his shoulder and links his free arm with Jisung’s. “They can ask me whatever they want to know themselves.” 

Donghyuck turns off the lights of the club room and closes the door behind him before he makes his way to the cafe on campus, matching Jisung’s pace. 

“Oh, Hyuck!” Jeno smiles. “I thought you were busy?”

Donghyuck shakes his head. “The meeting ended quicker than we thought.” He plops himself down in a chair next to Mark. “Hi Hyung." He smiles.  

Mark smiles back, throwing an arm around Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Hey Hyuck.”

The cafe they’re sitting in is pretty big. It’s full of grey concrete and minimalistic decor, but there’s plenty of room to sit and study. Donghyuck looks over to the barista area where Jaemin is standing at the counter, waiting for their order. “I’ll go order. Jisung, what do you want?” He goes to stand up, only to be pushed down again softly. 

“Jaemin’s got it.” Mark answers. 

“Oh.” Donghyuck says. “Right.” He answers. 

The problem is that they’ve sort of returned to normal after their conversation, again. Nothing big has changed. They’re still friends. They still love eachother but don’t talk about it. Donghyuck still wears the patch on his wrist and Jaemin and Mark still go home together at the end of the day. 

They just pretend it’s normal. It’s everything Donghyuck told himself he wanted. 

“Switch with me.” Jaemin walks up behind them, kicking at Jisung’s chair, who’s sitting next to Donghyuck. 

“He’s not your dog.” Renjun frowns. “Ask him nicely.”

Jisung turns red. “Whatever.” He groans before he sits in the seat Jaemin had left empty. 

“Hey darling.” Jaemin smiles at Donghyuck as he sets the coffees down on the table in front of them. Donghyuck groans and rolls his eyes. 

“What do you want me to say?” He pouts. “Hey princess?” 

Jaemin’s eyes sparkle as he finally sits down. “If you’re offering then I don’t mind it.”

“Ew.” Jeno frowns. “You guys are gross.” He says as he leans into Chenle, who’s sitting on his phone. 

“There isn’t even anything to be gross about.” Donghyuck mumbles, reaching for his drink. “You’re not any better either.” 

“At least he made up his mind.” Renjun says. Everything that has built up between them just explodes. 

Donghyuck’s eyebrows shoot up. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about.” He scoffs. “I did what you asked of me. I talked to them, I’m there everytime we get together. I got over myself!” He exclaims. Everyone looks at the two of them like they’re crazy, like this came out of nowhere. 

To Renjun and Donghyuck this has been brewing for months. Donghyuck had done what Mark asked of him. Renjun hadn’t mentioned it again like Donghyuck wanted. It was fine. Until it all boiled over, leading to the situation right now. Everyone else is blindsided. Donghyuck and Renjun care so much for eachother that this was inevitable. 

“Then why are you not together?” Renjun asks. “All that’s in the way is your pride and ego.”

“Renjun.” Jaemin says softly. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not!” Renjun frowns. “He’s hurting himself because you two can’t even talk to him properly and he refuses to share anything that can help him!” He says to Jaemin. He turns back to Donghyuck. “When are you going to realise that you shouldn’t be your own worst enemy.”

“I told you I never wanted to hear anything from you about this ever again.” Donghyuck sighs. “What is your issue? I’ve never gone behind your back and said shit to Jisung, have I? I never told anyone anything about the stuff you’re struggling with. This isn’t what friends do.”

“This is exactly what friends do. You’re sabotaging yourself and for what? You’re better than this. I miss you, Donghyuck. I miss talking to you. I miss hanging out with you, one on one. I miss knowing what your interests are.” Renjun sinks back into the couch he’s sitting on. 

“Renjun-” Mark speaks up. 

Donghyuck stops Mark by interrupting him. “Okay.” He shrugs. “Come to an event then. If you care so much about me and what I’m dealing with, come to an event.”

“About being soulmate-less?” Chenle asks. “Wouldn’t that be weird?” 

Donghyuck scoffs. “Why is it weird that you guys would be there? You’re learning about it, aren’t you? Or does it not interest you at all? That’s kinda crazy considering you’re friends with someone like me.” He feels his shoulders stiffen, anger rising up his throat. Mark’s arm is still around his shoulders. 

“You know that’s not what I mean.” Chenle says. “I just meant that we have soulmates. Isn’t it rude to flaunt that in their faces?” 

“Right.” Donghyuck laughs, bitter. “So what am I to you, then?” His hands ball into fists. He feels angry at being so messy. He feels angry at fucking everything up because he doesn’t want to experience pity, only to be spat at by his friends for being something they’re not. “No one chooses this life. If you don’t have empathy or understanding, the least any of you could do is show some compassion.”

“Donghyuck.” Jeno tries. 

Donghyuck shakes his head, grabbing his bag again and standing up. “Either fix your attitude or don’t come at all. I won’t let you talk to any of my friends that way.” He spits out, walking out the door. 

“Donghyuck.” Mark calls after him. “I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck stops. They’re standing outside the door. “What are you sorry for?” 

“For not listening enough when you needed me to.” He holds Donghyuck’s hand. “I’ll talk to them, okay? Just because they don’t know what you’re talking about doesn’t mean they can talk about you this way.”

And Donghyuck doesn’t know what to say to that. “Okay.” He says, because anything other than that would feel wrong. 

“Want us to come over tonight?” Mark asks a few seconds later. “Just to watch a movie or something. You know, like we used to do when we were little.”

And Donghyuck nods. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He doesn’t really expect them to show up a week later. The auditorium is filled to the brim with students. He’s still busy handing out flyers by the door when he sees them. “Oh.” Donghyuck says. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“You invited us.” Renjun says. “Of course we’d come.” He takes a flyer from Donghyuck’s stack. “Do we just sit anywhere?”

Donghyuck nods. “Yeah. Ten’s almost done preparing. It’s like an interactive seminar kinda thing.” 

“Sounds cool.” Jeno says with a smile before he ushers Jisung, Chenle and Renjun toward a place to sit. 

“Are you nervous?” Jaemin says, smiling at Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck is nervous. This is the first large-scale event they’ve held since Donghyuck became a member of the soulmateless-association. It’s the first time he’s going to be openly talking about his experience with his fucked up soulmate-mark as well. He invited his friends because he was angry. He’s never going to sdmit to it though, just like he’s never going to admit to being nervous. 

“I don’t get nervous. That’s a social construct.” Donghyuck smiles back. 

Jaemin laughs. “Of course you’d say that.” 

“It’ll be fine, Hyuck.” Mark says. Jaemin has an arm around his waist and Mark leans into the touch. Donghyuck pretends not to look at it. 

He bites his lip and looks at the flyers in his hands. “I just don’t want anyone to feel like I did.” 

“They won’t.” Mark says softly. “Not with everything you’ve been doing. You’re opening doors for people that were never there for you. You’ll be okay. I promise.” 

Donghyuck hums. “Right.” He nods. “Go sit down. I have to find Ten.”

Mark nods and Jaemin smiles at him, once again, before he presses a kiss to Donghyuck’s cheek. “Good luck.” Jaemin giggles. 

“Asshole.” Donghyuck frowns as he stands still in shock. Jaemin just shrugs and lets Mark lead him away to where the rest of their friends are sitting. 

By the time Donghyuck gets to the bottom of the auditorium, the lights have been dimmed and Ten has started speaking. 

“First of all,” Ten starts. “When I started this association I never thought I’d find so many people like me. I never dared to dream that we could help people so close to home, right here on campus. I never thought that so many people were suffering in silence, all because of a societal expectation.” He takes a deep breath. “And that’s why you’re here today. Today is all about people who don’t fit into the box the universe has created for most of society. There are people out there, like me, like my friends, like some of you, who don’t experience soulmate bonds the way the universe tells everyone we should. I don’t have any words on my wrist. My best friend has the words I first said to him when we met. We might not have a bond, but I love him nonetheless.”

Ten peers into the crowd, who silently watch him. “We’ve invited you all today to make information about differing soulmate experiences more accessible, and to allow you to ask questions and gain more insight into what it’s like. Research about differing soulmate experiences is few and far between, so we would like to propose this to be a starting point in literature as well as personal experiences. From the information I’ve gathered, 1 in 35 people suffer from, or are affected by this issue. Today, we have multiple students and even professors here to talk to you about the topic. After each personal story, there will be time for questions. There will be drinks afterward, to discuss on a more detailed level.”

He smiles. “Thank you all for coming! I hope you learn something today.” And with that, Ten steps away from the microphone as the crowd claps. 

Ten sits next to Donghyuck on the stage, along with four other people. Eventually, the microphone gets handed to Donghyuck. 

“Good afternoon everyone, my name is Lee Donghyuck.” He smiles. “I’m also a student here.” He starts, taking a shallow breath. “I actually met Ten because I needed help with my soulmate issue. About two years ago, I met someone. I have the first words he said to me on my wrist. My mother used to tell me about how wonderful it felt to meet your soulmate. She spoke often about the warm feeling she had when she met my father, and how when she thought about it, the words glimmered. My words never really lit up. My words flickered at most, and the letters never turned black. It’s a scar which opens itself over and over again. What came as a bigger shock, though, was that the man I met never had my words appear on his wrist. To this day, it hasn’t happened. I don’t think it ever will.” Donghyuck laughs a little. 

“I lied to everyone in my life about it. I had never met anyone like me, and I could barely find anything about it online. I grew up in a family where meeting your soulmate is the most important part of your life, and when that didn’t happen I panicked. I told my friends that the guy I met was just straight and that it didn’t work out. I was able to keep that secret for two years.”

He looks into the crowd. “All I mean to say is that it would’ve helped to know that there were people like me. I think my life would’ve been way easier if I had known that I wasn’t the only one, that this was something I could talk to my friends about. I think the worst part of not having someone destined for you is that society expects you to fix it, even when you can’t. I’m here today because I want people like me to know that your life is yours, soulmate bond or not. I think that’s the most important part about today.” He finishes with a smile, heart beating out of his chest. He crosses his legs and the microphone rests in his lap. 

Then the questions come. “Why did you decide to talk about it?” A girl in the second row asks. “What made you tell your friends anyway?” She looks shy and nervous, Donghyuck smiles. 

“I uh-” He starts, bringing the microphone to his lips. “I began having nightmares. The words started to hurt more. I felt lonely, I think. So I found Ten, and asked him what he knew about not having a soulmate. Turns out there are so many people like us. I wasn’t going to tell my friends at all, actually. But it started hurting our relationship too much. I started to resent the people around me for having what I don’t. So I told them the truth. It took me a while to get there, though.”

The girl nods along. “Thanks.” She smiles shyly as the next person raises their hand. 

Donghyuck nods to them to speak up. “How do you deal with it? The expectations of family? I just-” The guy sighs. “Like it’s very personal but I don’t even know where to start when it comes to telling my family.”

“Yeah, no I get that.” Donghyuck nods. “I haven’t told my family either. And if I’m honest, I don’t know if I ever will. Missing out on a soulmate bond sucks and I personally think it’s something that’s allowed to be just yours, not your family’s, not society’s. It’s just yours. I’ve learned to just avoid the topic completely, or set boundaries, I don’t know.” He laughs awkwardly. “I’m still figuring it out too. But if you come talk to me afterwards I’m sure we can figure something out. Otherwise, our doors are always open.”

There are three more people who share their story after Donghyuck. It surprises him how many people have questions, how many have experiences similar to his. By the time the drinks are served, Donghyuck has talked to six people who came to the seminar for advice. It almost makes him forget why he was nervous. Almost. 

“I’m sorry.” Renjun says, glass in hand. “If I knew what was going on I never would have pushed you so hard.”

Donghyuck shrugs, ears red. “I feel like you would’ve.”

“But differently.” Renjun mumbles. “I didn’t know that it’s like this for most people. We didn’t know, Hyuck. And it’s not an excuse.” He holds Donghyuck’s wrist. “I’m-”

Donghyuck frowns. “Once was enough.” He holds Renjun’s hand. “It’s whatever.”

“It’s not whatever.” Jeno frowns. “Just because we didn’t have any knowledge about it doesn’t mean we didn’t hurt you.”

Donghyuck whines. “No it is whatever. You guys know now. It’s fine.” He sets his glass down on the table next to him. He lets go of Renjun’s hand. 

“I’m really sorry, hyung.” Chenle says. “I promise I didn’t mean it like that.”

Donghyuck nods. “I know.” He smiles. He feels awkward, but its mixed with a weird sense of relief. It’s uncomfortable. “Let me introduce you to Ten and Johnny.” He says as he sees them walk past and calls them over. 

“Johnny and Ten hyung!” He smiles. “You’ve met Jaemin but you haven’t properly met the rest yet. This is Jisung, Chenle, Jeno, Renjun and Mark.” He stands next to Johnny, leaning into his side. “This is Johnny hyung and Ten!”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Johnny smiles, throwing an arm around Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Nice to see you again, Mark, Jaemin.”

Donghyuck frowns. “You know Mark?” He feels his whole world stop. Johnny never mentioned this. 

Mark hums. “He used to be hockey captain, Hyuck. Everyone knows him.” Oh. Donghyuck doesn’t play hockey, obviously. How was he supposed to know. 

Johnny laughs. “I thought you knew this. I made Mark captain last year. We’ve been friends for a while, Hyuck.”

And Donghyuck is suddenly reminded about all the times he’s talked about Mark to Johnny. “You fucking dick.” He curses, frowing. “You should’ve said something!” He whines. “Do you know how embarrassing this is for me?” He pulls away. 

“What?” Jaemin teases. “You painted him in a bad light? He’s used to it.” He laughs. If only Jaemin knew. 

Donghyuck groans. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Whatever.” He looks around. “Ï’m gonna get another drink.” He says as he walks away with a scoff. 

Ten laughs at him before he turns to the group. “We’re actually going to a party in a few days, I’m sure Hyuck would love it if you came along. You’re totally welcome! A few hockey guys are coming too.”

And if Donghyuck thought Jaemin teasing him was bad then, he should’ve been prepared for the days leading up to the party. 

He’s never been good with feelings, but Jaemin has always been good at making him explode. In various ways. That’s the problem. 

It’s always a war against Jaemin. When Donghyuck fights with Mark, it’s between him and Mark. When Donghyuck fights with Jaemin, it’s because Mark is a not innocent bystander or a pawn to use in the game. It pisses Donghyuck off a lot. Mark is supposed to be his best friend, yet Jaemin always wins him over. 

Even now, when it comes to Jaemin being mean, he’s pulling Mark with him like he’s some sort of soldier in a battle too big for him. Jaemin said it was fine, reluctantly, when Donghyuck said it was too messy to start something between the three of them. 

Mark had protested a little, even when he was so sweet, but the moment Jaemin said he should shut up, he did. It pisses Donghyuck off that Mark listens to Jaemin like that, that he lets himself get pulled in by his stupid aura and his stupid hairstyle and his stupid voice. Donghyuck wants Mark to listen to him like that. Donghyuck needs to get Jaemin to listen to him like that. 

It’s nice, getting all the attention, even in a time of uncertainty in Donghyuck’s brain and meaningless sacrifice. Jaemin and Mark still touch his waist, still hug him before they leave. But they tease him now. It’s gotten to a point where he isn’t allowed to sit anywhere else but in between them. But in all honesty, Donghyuck wants what they have. He’s never been one to sit by and let it happen. He likes power, he likes dominance. He likes it when people look at him sweetly and do as they’re told. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wants Jaemin and Mark to know that. 

So what does he do? He lures someone from Mark’s team into his bed during a party. If he can’t act on his whims and desires with them, then someone who isn’t them, will do. 

Truly, he knows that it’s a prison of his own making. He knows that the love he receives from them is something he’s allowed to hold on to. He knows that everything he wants is within his reach. But he can’t do it. He can’t accept that it’ll all go seamlessly. He doesn’t want to be there to find out if it does or not. It’s a mistake they would make and Donghyuck thinks that for once in his life, he should avoid making them. 

He’s spoken. He’s spoken and sometimes he feels like it’s better to die than to speak. It’s better to love than to have. It’s better to have died having said nothing at all, then to speak and live with the consequences. 

He’s petty. He’s always been petty and he will always remain petty. That’s how he ends up here. 

“God, fuck!” Donghyuck mumbles as he pulls the shirt over the guy’s head. His hand slides over his abs and his chest until it rests on the nape of his neck. Donghyuck’s other hand lays flat against it as he pulls the man in for a kiss. “Can’t believe you wanna fuck me.” He smiles into it. 

The man laughs. “I don’t know a single person who doesn’t want a chance with you.” His fingers find Donghyuck’s jeans and undo the button, slowly. “I feel like I should be the lucky one here.”

Donghyuck giggles. “You are lucky. Flattery gets you everywhere with me.” He stands up to shimmy out of his jeans and watches as the man in front of him does the same thing. “Let me suck you off?” Is what he says next, pushing the guy to sit at the edge of the bed and sinking to his knees. 

“Fuck.” The man says. “You’re so pretty like this.” He slowly swipes a thumb over Donghyuck’s bottom lip. Before Donghyuck’s fingers can even reach for the waistband of the guy’s boxers, the door flies open. 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “Clearly this room’s taken.” He says, still on his knees before he turns to the people standing in the doorway. “Oh.” He says when he sees Jaemin and Mark, face flushed and eyebrows furrowed. 

“Captain!” The guy exclaims. Donghyuck thinks he has never lost interest in a guy so quickly. 

“Get out.” Mark says to the guy. Donghyuck rolls his eyes as the guy looks sheepishly at Donghyuck before grabbing his jeans and t-shirt and pulling them on. He hurries out of the room and Jaemin closes the door behind them. The man never even said goodbye. 

Donghyuck groans, standing up from where he was sitting on his knees and moving to grab his own jeans. He refuses to talk to or even look at the men standing by the door. 

“You’re still hard.” Mark mumbles, like it’s some sort of secret. 

Donghyuck stops in the middle of the bed he was climbing over to reach his jeans on the other side. He finally looks at Mark. “You interrupted my hook-up and now you’re shy about me being hard? Of course I’m still fucking hard.” He spits out. “I was about to get my brains fucked out and you told him to get out.”

“But you don’t love him.” Mark frowns. “If you don’t love him then why are you trying to get laid by him?” He takes a step further toward the bed and for once, Donghyuck doesn’t back away. 

Jaemin smiles and there’s a glint in his eyes. Donghyuck isn’t keen on figuring out what that might mean in this situation. “Because he’s trying to fuck his feelings away. As always” Jaemin answers for him. 

Donghyuck frowns. “Since when do you know me so well?” He bites back. “I don’t have to spend my time being overly obsessed with you. I can just fuck someone because I want to get fucked.” He sinks down, ass on the back of his heels. He’s pretty sure he’s not getting out of here anytime soon. Not with Mark standing in front of him. Definitely not with Jaemin locking the door and joining his side. 

Jaemin doesn’t say anything else but Mark takes the final two steps forward. “You look so pretty on your knees.” He says softly and Donghyuck feels the air being pushed out of him by that one sentence. Mark’s hand cups Donghyuck’s cheek and his thumb rubs across the skin. “I bet he wouldn’t even know what to do with that mouth of yours.” 

“Hyung.” Donghyuck says. He feels desire spike in the pit of his stomach again. Mark slowly retracts his hand before he pushes Donghyuck down. He lands onto the soft mattress and white sheets and can barely process it before Mark drags his underwear down in one smooth motion. He hands it to Jaemin who folds it like it’s clean laundry and places it on the drawers in the corner of the room. Mark pulls at his ankles to slide him down closer to the edge of the bed and strips him off his shirt. Jaemin folds that too.

Donghyuck could fight. He should fight. But the moment Mark touched him like that, he turned into putty. A pile of confusion and desire. “This is unfair.” Donghyuck says the moment Mark smiles at him. “If you’re going to fuck me then at least make it less humiliating for me.” He mumbles and Jaemin laughs at him. 

“I feel like you like it like this.” He shrugs, running a hand over the smooth skin of Donghyuck’s thighs. “You like that we’re taking care of you like this. You just want to take it, don’t you?”

Donghyuck tries to sit up straight, only to be pushed back down by Jaemin’s hand this time. It makes his dick twitch. “I’m not some pillow princess.” He huffs. “If you want to see me use my mouth then let me show you.”

Mark laughs at him. “You were easier the first time I got my hands on you.” He smiles. “Guess it helps that you didn’t hate us, right?” Donghyuck was less mean the first time he kissed Mark. He was less mean because Jaemin hadn’t been involved yet. 

Donghyuck frowns. He’s hard and yet they’re having this conversation. It pisses him off that it isn’t making his arousal any less intense. “I don’t-” He closes his eyes. “I don’t hate you. And I wasn’t easy either. You were just my first time.” He opens his eyes again, fingers twirling in the sheets. 

Jaemin smiles. “And yet he still talks about how sweet you were for him. How you rode him the morning after, how you let him fuck you in the bathroom of the bar I met Mark, just hours before.” His hand had never left Donghyuck’s thigh and it’s been inching closer with every word. 

So sue him, Donghyuck thinks. His first time was great, and they had a few more times after that, but they stopped the moment Mark realised Jaemin was his soulmate. They never talked about it, really. He knew Mark must have told Jaemin, but he didn’t know it would be to this extent. “That was almost three years ago.” He mumbles. 

“So you’re not that sweet anymore? You don’t want us to fuck you?” Mark says and Donghyuck’s eyes start to water. They’re teasing him and he feels like he can’t do anything about it. They’re still fully dressed and they’re mean. All Donghyuck wanted was to get laid. Preferably not anywhere near Mark or Jaemin, but at this point he had nothing to lose. 

“I can be sweet.” He decides in the end. “I do want you to fuck me.” Because fuck it, if they want to play with him then let them play. Donghyuck can decide what to do about the messiness of this situation after it has happened. He probably won't. 

Jaemin’s hand finally wraps around his length and Donghyuck basically mewls at the touch. “Oh baby.” Jaemin laughs. “All you have to do is ask.”

Donghyuck wants to kick. He wants to yell and scream but the hand around his dick is so nice and Mark’s looking at him with adoration in his eyes and a visible bulge in his sweatpants. So he asks, easily. “Will you please fuck me?” He bucks his hips into the touch as he looks at Jaemin. He then looks at Mark. “Please?” He asks. 

“Who do you want darling?” Jaemin asks, hand leaving Donghyuck’s length. “Can Mark fuck you? I’ll watch-” Donghyuck wants both of them and loves both of them and it kills him to know that Jaemin doesn’t seem to think that that is of any importance.

“Don’t even think about not doing anything, asshole.” Donghyuck blurts out. “I don’t care who goes first, I just need you both, fuck.” He sighs, voice breathless. He looks at the amusement on Mark’s face and the shock on Jaemin’s. He frowns. “Please?” He adds a few seconds later. “I can take it, I promise.”

“Oh you like me.” Jaemin smiles then, the glint in his eyes returning. “I’ll let Mark go first then. I bet you’d like that, won’t you?”

Donghyuck just nods. “Whatever.” He says, but there’s no bite to it. It’s just shame and adoration. Jaemin walks over to the nightstand where Donghyuck had already put the lube for his earlier hook-up and picks it up. 

“Turn around.” Mark says, hands coming to rub at the sides of Donghyuck’s hips. 

Donghyuck shakes his head. “Take off some of your clothes first.” He demands, sitting up and hoping they will finally let him. They do. 

Mark goes first, pulling his shirt over his head. Donghyuck immediately unbuttons his jeans for him, moving to do the same for Jaemin right after. Jaemin’s shirt is already somewhere on the floor in those three seconds and Donghyuck feels like he could get used to this. 

“Fuck.” He mumbles. He’s seen them shirtless before, plenty of times. But nothing compares to this moment right now. Donghyuck has been to the gym himself lately, but his stomach is still flat and it's only his chest that has slightly filled out. Jaemin’s abdomen is rock hard and his chest is bigger than Donghyuck remembers. Mark has always had a broader build than Donghyuck and although his frame is thinner, his waist dips and his arms are broad. Donghyuck has to run his hands over both of their abdomen at the same time. 

“This is like one of my greatest dreams come true, holy shit.” He mutters and although both Mark and Jaemin chuckle, there’s a redness blooming on their cheeks. “You’re so pretty.” Donghyuck says absentmindedly before he voices his other thoughts. “Mark, sit against the headboard.” He demands again. 

Mark looks down at him, cheeks red. “Is that how you ask politely?”

Donghyuck’s hands haven’t left the place on their abdomen. He sees them breathe just a little quicker. He feels it too. He shakes his head. “Will you let me straddle you while Jaemin opens me up?” He asks instead. “Wanna kiss.” He smiles. 

Jaemin’s thumb comes to rest on Donghyuck’s chin. “Open.” He says softly and Donghyuck does. 

Jaemin slowly rubs his thumb across his bottom lip. Mark steps away from the two with a disbelieving laugh as he goes to sit against the headboard. Donghyuck barely registers that Mark steps out of his underwear or that he softly lays Donghyuck’s hand beside him. 

Donghyuck opens his mouth and Jaemin leans forward, eyes scanning over Donghyuck’s face before he spits into his mouth. Jaemin laughs in surprise when Donghyuck looks at him to speak. “Swallow.” Jaemin says, voice soft. 

And Donghyuck does. He makes a show out of it and Jaemin’s hand retracts. The hand Donghyuck still had on Jaemin’s chest wipes at his own lips and there’s a twinkle in his eyes before he gets up and turns around, crawling over to Mark and taking a seat in his lap. 

“Does he make you swallow his spit too or is he just weird today?” Donghyuck asks Mark, hands crawling from his chest to land at the nape of his neck. 

Mark smiles. “A little bit of both.” His left hand finds Donghyuck’s waist and the other hand cups Donghyuck’s cheek. “He likes giving people attention and he likes controlling people.” Donghyuck feels Jaemin climbing on the bed behind them but he’s still focused on Mark. “I think he just really wants you to be ours, though.”

And Donghyuck could honestly come at those words. “Don’t- oh!” He moans as Jaemin’s finger circles around his rim and pushes in. “Don’t say that.” He mumbles, head coming to rest on Mark’s shoulder. Mark rubs circles into Donghyuck’s hip and looks at Jaemin over his shoulder. 

“He’s looser than expected.” Jaemin says to him as he presses a second finger in, and spreads his fingers. 

“Is he?” Mark answers. 

Donghyuck frowns. “Just kiss me.” He leans back and Jaemin’s fingers reach deeper inside, pressing against the bundle of nerves. He moans at the feeling and Mark takes pity on him, pressing a kiss to his lips. Donghyuck’s hand reaches for Mark’s dick, slowly wrapping his hand around the lenght and Mark groans. 

Donghyuck immediately deepens the kiss, pulling Mark closer by the nape of his neck and opening his mouth so Mark can press his tongue inside. “You still kiss like you used to.” Mark smiles. “You’re even more gorgeous than I remember.” He mumbles. 

“Hyung.” Donghyuck moans as Jaemin presses a third finger inside easily. “Hyung.” He repeats. He doesn’t know if it’s a plea for Mark to keep going and talk to him some more or if it’s because he needs Mark to stop. 

Jaemin laughs behind them. “God he fucking loves it when you call him hyung.” 

And Donghyuck knows. He knows Mark loves it. He uses it to his advantage on a weekly basis. But he also knows Mark isn’t the only one with a soft spot. Mark is easy, he’s all soft edges and demanding words that are so full of love it makes Donghyuck dizzy. Jaemin is a wheel spun tight, controlling actions to show people he loves them. He’s weird about it. He wants people to adore him but there’s an energy around him that demands it of them. People like Jaemin. People flock to both of them in waves. Donghyuck knows what no one has ever given Jaemin before. 

Donghyuck looks directly at Mark when he speaks to Jaemin. “Oppa? I think I’m ready.” He sees Mark blush and he feels Jaemin’s fingers still inside of him. Bingo. 

Jaemin’s head comes to rest on the side of his neck. “Fuck you’re perfect.” He slowly slips his fingers out of Donghyuck to move to reach for the condom. 

“We don’t want to hurt you.” Mark says and Donghyuck groans. He retracts his hand and looks Mark in the eyes. 

“I was prepared to get laid today. You won’t hurt me.” He rolls his eyes. Mark frowns. Donghyuck smiles. “Please make me feel good, hyung?”

“He’s asking nicely.” Jaemin shrugs, unwrapping the condom and moving to the side of Mark and Donghyuck. “Do you wanna do it or should I?”

Donghyuck takes a deep breath. “You.” He leans in to finally, fucking finally kiss Jaemin as well. It’s still rough but it’s not as deep. Donghyuck is getting impatient. “Wanna watch you put it on him.”

And Mark looks so pretty like this, Donghyuck thinks. His cheeks are red and he almost lets a whine slip past his lips as Jaemin turns to roll the condom on him before he kisses him softly. 

“Switch places.” Donghyuck mumbles to Mark and Jaemin when they pull away. 

They look at him with a grin on their faces. Donghyuck groans. “I’m not gonna beg everytime we do something. C’mon!” 

Jaemin runs a hand through his hair. “You want Mark behind you so you can suck me off. Is that it?” He raises a brow. He lets go. 

Donghyuck nods. “Clearly.”

“Clearly.” Mark repeats with a laugh. “You’re lucky we’re in love with you.”

And oh. If that wasn’t the wrong thing to say, Donghyuck doesn’t know what is. Mark situates himself behind Donghyuck, and Jaemin sits against the headboard. “Don’t you love us too, sweetheart?” Jaemin says as he hooks a finger underneath Donghyuck’s chin with a mean smile. 

Mark slides in at the same time Donghyuck tries to answer. It sounds more like a choked off whine than a sentence. Mark holds still. Jaemin doesn’t let Donghyuck look away. 

“C’mon.” Jaemin smiles, full of teeth, all mean. Donghyuck hates him. “Tell your hyung and oppa that you love them. That’s the only way you get what you want.”

Donghyuck hates him. He hates, hates, hates, hates, hates- “Baby.” Mark rubs his hands on Donghyuck’s hips. “Tell him the truth.” 

“I love you.” Donghyuck says. He means it. 

“You can do better.” Mark says as he slowly begins to thrust in and out, just to get a feel for it. 

Donghyuck shakes his head. “Fuck me better if you want me to be do better.” He whines. Jaemin still won’t let go. 

Mark looks at Jaemin. “Should I?” He asks. 

Jaemin smiles and shrugs. “Why not? He looks sweet either way.”

Donghyuck moans when Mark finally picks up the pace. Jaemin lets go and Donghyuck’s head drops into his lap. Jaemin tilts his chin up slightly so Donghyuck’s lips press against the head of his cock. 

“Just like that.” Jaemin groans when Donghyuck wraps his lips around the head, slowly sinking down, tongue running along the backside, up and down. 

“Isn’t it good?” Mark huffs out, asking Jaemin. “I still use the memory of the first time he blew me to get off sometimes.”

Jaemin laughs as Donghyuck comes up for air. “I think I might have to take that advice.” His chest rises up and down. “Fuck.”

Donghyuck lets out a disbelieving laugh. “Oh!” He moans as Mark thrusts harshly. “You guys are freaks.” He whines. He still thinks about the time when Mark blew him. He’s not any better. He just doesn’t feel as inclined to share. 

Jaemin doesn’t say anything for a second and Donghyuck looks up at him. He’s sweaty, hair matted to his forehead. His cheeks are red. His eyes are big. He looks at Donghyuck like he’s the most beautiful thing walking the earth. Donghyuck begins to believe him the longer he looks at him with such adoration. He can’t deal with it. 

“Kiss me.” He says. “Jaemin.” He begs. “Kiss me.” 

So Jaemin leans down at an awkward angle. It should be weird. It’s nothing like that. He kisses Donghyuck like he’s hungry, like he’ll be something different if he swallows Donghyuck whole. At some point, he bites at Donghyuck’s lips and he unravels, coming all over his stomach and the bed below him. 

Mark groans behind him a few seconds later as he fills up the condom. “Hyung.” Donghyuck whines when Mark pulls out slowly. Mark rolls the condom off and ties it up before he throws it into the trashcan on the other side of the room. 

“If you’re not up for it I can help Jaemin out too, you know.” Mark says as Donghyuck sits back on his knees, shaking. He runs his hand through Donghyuck’s hair and kisses him softly. 

“Next time, you can help.” Donghyuck says. “I fucking love you, hyung.” Mark’s cheeks turn red. 

“I love you.” Mark says, voice breathless. 

“I guess I have to fuck you better if I want you to call me oppa again, huh?” Jaemin smiles. “Come sit on my lap? Your hyung can help you.”

And Mark does. Jaemin rolls a new condom on his length and Donghyuck shuffles forward, Mark’s hands on his hips. As Donghyuck slowly sinks down on Jaemin’s length he huffs. “Can’t believe you’re both annoying and well endowed.”

Mark laughs, head leaning on Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Don’t say that, ever again.”

“I’ll say what I want to.” Donghyuck says, breaths getting shallower as he starts moving his hips in circles, just getting a feel for the motion. “Right oppa?” He says, hands coming to rest on Jaemin’s shoulders.

Jaemin’s eyes twinkle again. “Of course you do, baby.” He huffs as Mark starts helping Donghyuck move up and down. 

Mark starts mouthing at the back of Donghyuck’s neck, leaving kisses as he starts talking to Jaemin. “He feels good, right?”

Jaemin nods with a grin. Donghyuck rests the back of his head on Mark’s shoulder. “I don’t know how you ever let him go. If it were up to me-”

Donghyuck has to stop this. He has to stop them from talking over him because they’re either going to say something Donghyuck doesn’t want to hear, or he’s going to come too quickly. He’s only just gotten hard again. He can’t do this. He has to shut Jaemin up. 

“I love you.” He says, as he looks Jaemin in the eyes. “Oppa. I love you.”

And bingo. 

“So perfect. I knew you liked me more than him. You said it twice.” Jaemin’s hands find Mark’s and their hands intertwine on Donghyuck’s hips. 

Donghyuck hates him. He hates him and his stupid Mark Lee Complex. He hates him so much he loves him. 

“Kiss him.” Jaemin smiles as he looks at Mark. “Kiss him for me?”

And Mark complies, leaning down to press his lips to Donghyuck’s. It’s barely a kiss at this point, Donghyuck’s tongue licks more teeth than it should, but it gets Jaemin over the edge either way. He rides out his orgasm and Mark’s hand wraps around Donghyuck’s length, stroking it until Donghyuck comes with a silent moan, lips parting in a pretty ‘O’. 

Donghyuck lifts himself off of Jaemin and falls into the cushions, panting. “Fuck.” His head is still spinning and the world around him slowly comes back to him as Mark and Jaemin lay down beside him. Donghyuck turns himself around to avoid the inevitable and instead tries to focus on the loud noise of music coming from the party downstairs. Mark and Jaemin haphazardly cover them with a blanket. Donghyuck doesn’t dare move. 

He’s afraid that if he moves he’s going to have to talk about it. He’s afraid that if he doesn’t say anything that nothing changes. He’s afraid that if he speaks the moment is ruined.

Donghyuck’s suddenly very aware that he’s laying on a stranger’s bed, ass up, in between to people he promised himself he wouldn’t be with. He’s acutely aware, actually. He groans, dropping his head in the pillows. 

“What?” Jaemin laughs at him. 

Donghyuck goes to open his mouth, only for Jaemin to hold a single finger to his lips. “Don’t start.” Jaemin giggles. 

Donghyuck feels anger rise up in his chest. Jaemin isn’t taking this seriously, clearly. “You don’t even know what I’m going to say.” He mutters, pulling Jaemin’s finger off of him. 

Mark answers for Jaemin. “You’re gonna start talking about how you can’t be with us because you’re scared and terrified and blah blah blah.”

Donghyuck scoffs. “So?” He doesn’t even look at either of them. “It’s not my fault you scared away my hook-up.” He knows it’s the wrong thing to say the moment it leaves his lips. 

It's silent for a while. “Do you really not want this?” Mark asks, voice small. 

Donghyuck’s heart breaks. 

“You keep running to other people.” Jaemin continues for Mark when he realises Donghyuck isn’t going to answer him anytime soon. He makes Donghyuck look at him by placing his finger underneath his chin. “You can run to us, you know? Even now, when you said you didn’t want anything you never lost us. So what are you scared of?”

Donghyuck tries to squirm away, but Mark is still next to him and Jaemin looks at him with eyes so sweet he feels like he’s being bewitched. “That I’m throwing my own identity away to worship you.”

For the first time in two years, Donghyuck feels like he has to be honest. “I’m scared that loving you openly means that I’m going against everything I stand for. I’m scared to lose you, but I’m more scared to lose myself.”

Mark presses a kiss to the back of his shoulder and then his neck. “It doesn’t.” He mumbles. “If there’s anyone who stays true to themselves, then that’s you, Donghyuck. I don’t mind losing myself to make sure you don’t. Whatever you need to make that happen. I will do that for you.”

Donghyuck hums, still looking into Jaemin’s eyes. “I’m a difficult person.”

Mark laughs and Jaemin smiles. “I’ve been with you since we were seven. I don’t think that actually bothers me. Jaemin’s weird and I’m specific. It all cancels out in the end.”

“Okay.” Donghyuck hums. 

Jaemin raises a brow. “Okay?”

Donghyuck hums, pressing a kiss to Jaemin’s lips, hand finding Mark’s. His thumb rubs over the dark words on the other’s wrist. “I’ll run to you.”

And Donghyuck means it when he says it. The words don’t matter to them, but they mean everything to him. If they say he can run to them, Donghyuck will run blindfolded. If Jaemin says he wishes it was him, Donghyuck feels inclined to believe it. 

Especially now.