Chapter Text
It happened on a mission right after Anakin became a knight.
Attachments are forbidden, but that doesn't stop them sometimes Anakin wishes that was different, so that he could hold Obi-Wans hand and love him, go on dates, kiss him .
They are both angry and hurt the Force is screaming and wailing as thousands of men just died the last hours and Anakin hears it and everything is screaming-.
One moment they are just holding each other, to make sure both were alive, when the next they are kissing and Anakin could get lost in the feeling of Obi-Wans mouth, of his taste, his lips when suddenly Obi-Wan moves and takes and takes both of them and everything is too much and not enough and he loves it, loves him, he is perfect, please, please
He screams and as he feels himself reach his peak, he succumbs to darkness and the quiet.
When Anakin wakes up, the bed is cold.
He shouldn't have been surprised. He still was.
Later when confronted, Obi Wan said this:
"I'm sorry, Anakin. Truly. But we are Jedi. We can't have attachments. The most we could have is casual sex and even that is not appropriate-"
Anakin forces a smile, because what else is there to do? Obi-Wan loves the Jedi Code, the approval of the Coucil more than him, always has. Sometimes Anakin hates him for it. Sometimes Anakin hates how much he loves him, wishes he didn't. His life would be easier. Maybe he would still be with Padme.Who knows.
"I understand, Master. We are Jedi and I'm okay with just casual sex, I don't need anything more."
Anakin tries not to sound as dead as he feels. From Obi-Wan's concerned gaze, he is not successful. But Obi-Wan doesn't mention it, so they don't talk about it.
Anakin stares.
Then blinks, hoping he was wrong.
"I'm sorry, but we can't continue our friendship. " Padmé says, so icy could, like he never seen her.
He blinks again. The room has changed. He is somewhere different.
When Anakin has seen Clovis and Padmé, he had come to save her. She was his friend, probably his only one. Obi-Wan and him were weird, Ahsoka was his padawan and was kinda supposed to like him, Rex was under his command and Palpatine made him feel...weird. Angry. Wrathful. So yes, Padmé was his only friend.
So when he saw Clovis, probably inappropriate without her consent touching her, he had come to help. Because that's what's friends do. Right?
Apparently not, because Padmé turned on HIM. Her friend. He knew that sometimes got possessive over his friends, that he got jealous when they mentioned someone else, that he was overbearing and -like most people, including Obi-Wan told him - simply too much. Too much anger, too much love, too many feelings.
He had, foolishly believed Padmé was different. That the Angel he met on Tatooine was different.
He was wrong.
He didn't like the feeling of that.
If ANYONE asked, Anakin would tell them he wasn't an alcoholic.
Still, here he was, drinking alcohol in a random cantina.
"One Alexander the Great Cocktail", the droid beeped and Anakin felt himself smile.
"Thank you" he said as he took the cocktail he wanted to try out for a while. It was a rather strong mix of whiskey and other stuff. Just what he needed.
He took as sip, enjoying the smoky taste as suddenly something pushed him to the side.
"I'm soo sorry. I have just stumbled back and haven't noticed you." A male human, around Anakin's age looked at him. "Here I will give you something to dry with." Anakin took the cloth without looking up. "It's not that bad." He had also experienced worse than being covered in a bit of alcohol like being covered in his own blood. Still, he was sad about the cocktail he just lost.
"Can I atleast try to by someone as beautiful as you another drink?", the male tried to appear sexy, but sadly he wasn't Anakins type. Only one person was.
Anakin looked him straight in the eyes, brows furrowed. "Are you trying to hit on me?"
"Is it working?"
"No."
The male looked at him embarrassed. "Can I still by you a drink?"
That was unexpected. "You seem lonely", the man continued, " and I am lonely, so you might be good company."
Anakin thought about it for a second. Company...might be good for him.
"Sure, why not?" Anakin made some space for the man to sit down next to him as the man plopped down.
"What's your name, company?"
Anakin was about to say his name before he suddenly thought about his fame. His title as the supposed Chosen One. He wanted to -maybe for the first time- be liked for who he was, not him being a General or Qui-Gon believing he was the Chosen One. For himself.
"The name is Alexander, what is yours?"
The black haired man smiled, somehow kind and wild.
"Mikahael, but everyone just calls me Mika."