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what we carried

Summary:

The summit is supposed to be about trade negotiations and peace treaties. Katara is supposed to be a representative of the Southern Water Tribe. Neither of those things stop her from thinking about the way Zuko looked at her, seven years ago, right before she walked away.

Notes:

I wrote this almost immediately after Like Embers, Like Tide, because I was just craving for more Zutara 🥹

You don't have to read Part 1! You can read this entirely on its own ❤️🩵

Work Text:

The Fire Nation palace was exactly as she remembered it.

That was the problem.

She'd been bracing herself for seven years to have softened the edges of it. To arrive and find it smaller than memory, less gilded, less overwhelming. Instead, it rose around her like it had always been waiting, all black stone and red silk and the kind of heat that settled in the lungs and stayed there. The kind of heat that felt, annoyingly, like home.

She was going to blame the climate. She was going to blame a lot of things.

The summit had been running for two days. Trade negotiations between the Fire Nation, the Earth Kingdom, and the Water Tribes - another in the long succession of postwar negotiations - and Zuko was good at this, she had discovered. Genuinely, devastatingly good. She'd watched him across the long table yesterday: the way he listened before he spoke, the way he found the thread of agreement even in an argument, the careful patience of someone who had spent seven years learning how to hold a nation together with bare hands.

She'd had to look down at her notes.

He grew into it, she'd thought, and the thought had settled in her chest like a coal, warm and persistent and impossible to ignore.

It was inconvenient information. She was cataloguing a lot of inconvenient information about him lately. The way he still tilted his head when he was listening, really listening. The way the scar caught the light in the mornings when he came into the meeting room before everyone else and stood at the window. The way he'd looked when he saw her at the door of the summit hall - just for a half-second, just the smallest fracture in his composure - before he'd nodded at her like a head of state greeting a diplomat.

She was a diplomat. She kept reminding herself of that. She had briefs to read and a position to represent, and she was going to be professional about this, completely and entirely professional. She was absolutely not thinking about the fact that he had knocked on her door in the South Pole a week ago in the middle of a blizzard because he couldn't stop thinking about her.

He caught her eye from across the room.

She felt it like a hand around her throat. Not cruel, just certain. Like being caught.

She looked away first. She always looked away first. It was the only thing she had left.

 


 

The thing about the coronation was that she almost didn't go.

Not because she didn't want to - she'd wanted to, fiercely, in a way she hadn't examined too closely - but because she'd known, somehow, that it would be the kind of moment that changed the shape of things. That going meant acknowledging something she'd been carefully not acknowledging for months.

She went anyway.

She stood near the back with Sokka and Suki, Aang's insufferably proud smile, and Toph's audible commentary. She watched them lower the crown onto Zuko's head. He'd stood very still for it. Shoulders back, spine straight, hands loose at his sides. She knew him well enough by then to know how much effort that stillness cost him.

He looked terrified.

And then - and this was the part she'd replayed more times than she would ever admit - he'd looked out at the crowd, and his eyes had found hers, and he'd looked at her for just a moment like she was the only still point in a room full of moving things.

She hadn't looked away then.

She left the next morning. She told herself it was practical. The tribe needed her. There was work to do. All of that was true.

She'd also been fifteen years old and terrified of what she would have said if she'd stayed long enough to be alone with him.

 


 

They ended up on the same balcony after the evening session.

She hadn't planned it. She suspected he hadn't either, from the brief fracture of surprise on his face before he composed himself. Before he became Fire Lord again, careful and measured, the man she'd spent two days watching from across a negotiating table.

She'd come out here for air. She'd come out here because the room had felt too small and he'd been too close and she'd needed, desperately, to be somewhere he wasn't.

And then there he was.

"Katara."

Just her name. That was all. But there was something in the way he said it, like he'd been holding it in his mouth all day, like it cost him something to let it out.

"Zuko."

A pause. Below them, the palace gardens stretched out in the dark, lit by lanterns at even intervals, and somewhere in the distance, the ocean moved.

"You made a good point today," he said. "About the southern route. The Earth Kingdom delegates are going to push back, but you're right."

"I know I'm right."

The corner of his mouth twitched. "You always know."

"One of us has to."

She said it lightly - the way she would have when they were younger, when banter was the only safe language between them - and something shifted in his face. Some old recognition. Some old warmth that had no business being that warm after seven years of almost nothing.

She felt it move through her like a current, bone-deep and relentless, and she thought: seven years. Seven years of this. Of his name written in the margins of her letters before she crossed it out. Of waking from dreams she refused to examine. Of looking at the southern lights and thinking, absurdly, inexplicably, I wish he could see this.

Seven years, and standing next to him still felt like standing too close to a fire. The kind you lean toward anyway. The kind you can't help.

"Can I ask you something?" he said.

"You can ask."

"Why did you leave?" He wasn't looking at her. He was watching the garden, and his voice was very careful, the way voices got when people were trying not to let something through. "After the coronation. I looked for you the next morning. You were just... gone."

Katara's chest pulled tight.

She'd thought, sometimes, about what she would say if he ever asked. She'd had seven years to prepare an answer. She'd had a hundred versions: I was needed at home. The tribe needed a master. I had students to teach. We were too young. There was too much between us. All of them true. None of them the real thing.

"I was scared," she said.

He turned to look at her then.

"Of what?"

Of you, she thought. Of how much I already felt at fifteen and how terrifying that was. Of looking at you with that crown on your head and knowing, knowing that if you said anything, anything at all, I would have stayed. I would have stayed, and I wasn't ready. And I didn't know how to want something that complicated.

"Of what would have happened," she said, "if I'd stayed."

He was quiet for a long moment. The lanterns swayed in the warm wind. The ocean moved, unhurried, unconcerned with either of them.

"I was going to tell you something," he said finally. His voice had gone very quiet. "That morning. I'd.... I had it planned out. What I was going to say to you."

Her heart was doing something she couldn't name and couldn't stop.

"Zuko-"

"I know," he said. "It was seven years ago. I'm not... I'm not trying to make it into something it isn't." He exhaled slowly. "I just think you should know that I never stopped. That I tried. I tried for a long time to let it become something smaller. Something that would fit somewhere and stop taking up so much room." A long pause. "It didn't work."

The word room landed somewhere in her sternum and stayed there.

She thought about every letter she'd started and stopped. Every time someone had asked is there anyone? And she'd said no, there's no one. Every morning, she'd woken up in the Southern Water Tribe and listened to the ice settle and thought about fire, about gold eyes, about the particular specific gravity of one person who was too far away and too much in her head.

It didn't work was the most honest thing she'd ever heard.

"It didn't work for me either," she said.

He looked at her. Properly looked at her. No careful Fire Lord composure, no seven years of practiced distance. Just Zuko, jaw tight, eyes bright, standing close enough that she could feel the warmth radiating off him even in the open air.

She looked back. She didn't look away.

Below them, the garden was absolutely still. Somewhere in the dark, a night bird called once and went quiet. The ocean kept moving, the way it always did, patient, persistent, not waiting for anyone.

Neither of them moved. The lanterns swayed. Somewhere below, a palace guard made his rounds, footsteps unhurried, fading.

And then Zuko said, quietly, like he was setting something down he'd been holding for a very long time:

"I was going to tell you that I loved you."

The air went out of her.

"At the coronation," he continued. He wasn't looking at her, he was looking at his hands on the balcony rail, like it was easier that way. "That was what I had planned to say. I'd... I'd rehearsed it, actually. Which is embarrassing to admit. I kept thinking, in the morning. Find her in the morning. just say it. And then," He stopped. Let out a breath. "And then I looked for you, and you were already gone."

Katara didn't say anything. She wasn't sure she could.

"I'm not telling you because I want something from you," he said. "I know it's been seven years, and I know that's a long time, and I know we're not the same people we were. I just-" His jaw worked. "I didn't want to spend another seven years not having said it. That seemed worse."

He looked at her then. Careful and open and terrified, the same way he'd looked when they lowered the crown onto his head. Like he was bracing for the weight of it.

She had thought, for seven years, about what it would feel like to hear him say something like that. She had thought it would be enormous. Unbearable. The kind of thing that cracked a person open.

It wasn't like that.

It was like the tide coming in. Inevitable. Familiar. Like some part of her had always known the water would get there eventually, had always been standing at the shore waiting for it.

The silence after was very large.

She stood in it for a moment. Then she turned to face him fully.

"I was going to tell you the same thing," she said.

He looked at her.

"At the coronation." She felt her voice steady as she said it, surprised by that, surprised that it didn't shake. "That whole evening, I kept thinking, if he finds me tonight, if we get one minute alone, I'm going to say it. I stayed up waiting. I kept expecting you to knock, or just appear somewhere, the way you always did. And you didn't come."

His expression shifted. Something cracked behind his eyes.

"And then it was almost dawn, and I thought," She stopped. Let out a slow breath. "I thought, he's not coming. That means it was nothing. That means I imagined it. So I packed my things. I told myself that was the answer. And I left."

She met his eyes.

He didn't say anything. He just looked at her.

She looked back. The space between them was very quiet.

"What I felt... It wasn't just friendship. You weren't just someone I was glad survived the war." She stopped. Tried to find the shape of it. "You took a hit meant for me, and I held you while you weren't breathing. And I... I still told myself it was nothing. I still packed my things and left." She shook her head a little. "It was you. Specifically, completely you. And I was fifteen, and it terrified me, and I didn't know what to do with something that big."

Zuko had gone very still.

"I wrote it down once," she admitted. "In a letter I never sent. Three words, and then I burned it, and I told myself that was the end of it." She let out a breath that had been sitting in her chest for a long time. "It wasn't."

"Katara."

Just her name. The way he'd said it when he first found her on the balcony, like it cost him something, only now it sounded different. Now it sounded like there you are. Like finally.

"I know it's been seven years," she said. "I know we're different now. I know it's complicated and there are two nations between us and approximately a thousand reasons this is difficult." She met his eyes. "I just... You said it first. It didn't seem fair for me not to say it back."

For a long moment, he didn't say anything.

And then he laughed - a small, disbelieving sound, like something he couldn't hold in — and she watched the tension break across his face, all that careful Fire Lord composure coming undone at once, and she thought: there he is. There's the boy I knew.

"Seven years," he said.

"Seven years," she agreed.

"We're terrible at this."

"Completely hopeless."

He was still looking at her. She was still looking at him. Below them, the garden was absolutely still, and the ocean kept moving, the way it always did, patient, persistent, not waiting for anyone.

Slowly, like a question, he reached out and took her hand.

She let him. She turned her palm up to meet his.

And Katara stood in the warm dark of the Fire Nation with her fingers laced through his, and breathed. For the first time in seven years, the thought of him didn't feel like something she was carrying.

It felt like something she was allowed to have.

 


 

The summit ended on a Thursday.

She was supposed to leave Friday morning.

On Thursday evening, Zuko found her in the corridor outside the east wing. She was heading back to her rooms, arms full of treaty documents she'd offered to review, because apparently she couldn't turn off the part of herself that volunteered for things.

"Katara."

She stopped. Turned.

He was still in his formal robes, the ones he'd worn for the closing session, and he looked tired in the way she'd started to recognize. The particular exhaustion of someone who'd been doing important things all day and was only now allowing himself to look it. He had his hands loosely clasped in front of him. He was looking at her like she was something he was still getting used to being allowed to look at.

"The southern route amendment," he said. "There are a few details I'd still like your input on. It would take," He paused. "A few more days."

She tilted her head. "Would it?"

Something shifted in his expression. The careful diplomacy of it fell away, and what was underneath was quieter and much more honest.

"No," he admitted. "Not really."

The treaty documents were getting heavy. She didn't put them down.

"I just," He stopped. Looked at her. "I know you have things to get back to. I know the tribe needs you, and the girls you're training need you, and there are a hundred reasons you should go. I know all of that." A pause. "I'd just like... A little more time. With you."

His voice was very careful on those last words. Very quiet.

She thought about the boat already arranged. She thought about Friday morning, the harbor, the cold. She thought about being fifteen years old and a door she'd closed at dawn because she didn't know what else to do with herself.

This time, she knew exactly what to do with herself.

"Ask me properly," she said.

He blinked. Then, slowly, helplessly, he smiled. Just a little. The real one, the one that reached his eyes.

"Stay," he said. "Please."

Without another word, he reached out and took the treaty documents from her arms and set them against the wall. Neat, like it mattered. Like he'd been wanting to do something useful with his hands.

She looked at him standing there in his formal robes, hands at his sides, looking at her like he'd been waiting to.

Some things, she thought, didn't change.

"Yes," she said. Not okay. Not fine, a few more days. Just — yes. Clear and certain and entirely her own.

His smile went a little wider. She felt it in her chest like the first warm day after a long winter.

"Good," he said softly. "That's... good."

She laughed, small and quiet. He looked slightly embarrassed and not at all sorry about it.

The corridor was empty. The palace was settling into its evening quiet. Somewhere far away, the ocean kept doing what it always did.

She looked at him and thought: seven years. All that distance. All those letters she'd started and stopped and burned.

Enough, she thought.

She took his face in both her hands, the way she had once before in a dark cave when he let her. When he held his breath and trusted her with something he didn't let anyone touch.

She kissed him.

He went very still for one breath. And then, his hands came up to find her waist, and he kissed her back. Slow and certain, like someone who had been waiting a long time and was finally, finally done waiting.

When they broke apart, he pressed his forehead to hers. His eyes were still closed. The corridor was quiet around them, the palace settling into its evening, the night warm and unhurried and asking nothing of either of them.

And Katara stood in the warm dark of the Fire Nation with her hands still holding his face, and let the heat of the place settle in her lungs the way it always had. Like it belonged there. Like it had always been waiting for her to stop fighting it.

Like home.

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