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Your Honor, It Was Funny

Summary:

A routine meeting is held to nominate new members. There, the Teen Titans are recommended.

Batman knows this is a bad idea. He tries to stop it. The league doesn't listen. Nightwing, Flamebird, Aqualad, Wonder Girl, and Superboy are invited to join.

The league doesn't know who Batman is. They don't even know he has kids.

And with that, Flamebird uses this opportunity to create the greatest joke of his life. One that might just go down in Watch Tower history.

Notes:

Please be nice, this is one of the fics I've put the most of my time into... I usually use AI to help with putting thoughts to life, so writing an entire fic without it was definitely new. Thanks for reading and drop a comment if I should continue it!

Chapter 1: The Best Joke Flamebird Ever Told

Summary:

Justice League (Without Batman there): Gossipy gossip gossip

Flamebird: It would just be SO funny if I said this. Should I? Nightwing will hate it. Fuck it. I'm saying it.

Chapter Text

The Watch Tower hung in the earth's orbit. Cold. Protective. Ever present. Its exterior forged of a highly advanced, nearly indestructible metal: promethium. The only way in or out through the Zeta tubes.

Inside sat the Justice League. Circling a large table, the main members remained quiet, listening to the meeting being held by their long-standing unofficial leader.

Superman sat closest to him. Watching Batman intently. Arms folded loosely. Listening. Storing each word into his memory. Like it mattered. Because to him it did.

Wonderwoman sat straight up. Not too far away. Posture perfect. Calculating. Focused. Look at the screen of information being displayed. Evaluating Batman's briefing like it was something she had to dissect. Looking for a flaw. Finding none.

Aquaman was hearing what was being said, but not focusing. The briefing having to do with land matters he did not care for.

Green Lantern had made the ballsy move to interrupt Batman a few times. Making quips when he deemed they fit. He leaned back like he always did. Overly confident. Skeptical. Arrogant.

Martian Manhunter sat silent. Still. Unnaturally focused. Listening to not just the words being spoken but the emotions in the air of the room. Feeling each persons thoughts and feelings better than they can. But not eavesdropping. Not going into their minds. He had long learned how to stop himself from getting there. From invading the privacy of the people he now called friends.

Flash paid attention at first, reading over the slide faster than Batman could say the first word. And then proceeded to get bored, zoning out for the majority of the meeting, tinkering with a random toy Batman could swear he’d recognized, but quickly tossed the idea aside as illogical.

Batman had called Flash's name a few times. No answer. Too busy trying to figure out why the stupid cube he was holding never became the same color. Twisting sides. Changing angles. And just when he finally got a side all the same color, he noticed the rest of it was not in unison.

“Barry!” Batman had yelled. Flash looked up. Taken out of his trance. Batman had shot him with one of his famous Batman glares.

Flash looked at him, guilty, rubbing his hand on the back of his head: “Oh, hey Batsy, didn’t hear you call my name.”

Batman gave him a look again. He did not take kind to nicknames. Then he continued on, “We are looking at people to nominate into the league.”

The league wasn’t super huge by any means, but it definitely had more than the OG 7 at this point. Green Arrow, Atom, Hawkman, Hawkgirl, Black Canary, Red Tornado, Zatanna, Captain Marvel, and many many more were just a few of the more popular members.

Heroes threw out suggestions. Some good, some very very not. “What do you think Flash, any suggestions?” Batman had asked. It was the sole reason he brought Barry back to the conversation. He knew that Barry wasn’t listening to the mission briefings, but he also knew that he had looked over the slides beforehand.

Barry contemplated for a moment, his mind raced, “We could bring in the Teen Titans.”

Batman froze, only for a second. One that no one on the league other than Superman caught.

“It could be a good idea, Batman.” Superman added. “They’re proven themselves enough at this point.”

Batman grunted. Displeasure apparent.

The Titans had been fighting together for years. No longer the inexperienced young heroes. A few of them changing their names or costumes. A small symbolism of their growth.

Robin had passed down his red, yellow, and green suite to another member of his family, now wearing a black suite with a blue arrow. Now, going by the name Nightwing.

Kid Flash now going by the alias Flame Bird, based on an old Kryptonian legend Nightwing had told him about. The two now working side by side in tandem better than anyone else.

Aqualad, Wonder Girl, and Superboy had kept their names. Their suites getting new tech upgrades as the technology advances, but still looking much the same. One day hoping to take on the mantle of their predecessors.

It wasn’t that Batman didn’t trust the titans, he did. It was that he was worried about them. Didn’t want to expose them to larger world issues. Wanted to keep them safe.

Wonderwoman had agreed with Superman. J’onn did as well, with a small nod of agreement.

It was a majority vote. Batman being the only one not in favor.

“I’ll contact the team and let them know our decision,” Batman had notified.

“No offense spooks,” Hal had countered. “But I don't think your friendly personality is going to make them feel welcomed.”

“Do not call me that.” Batman glared at him again. A seemingly constant thing through the meeting. “Meeting adjourned.”

And with that, Batman left to contact the Titans.

 

“Do you think he’s ever going to tell us who he is under that mask?” Hal had asked the remaining members of the league. “For fucks sake, he knows who all of us are.”

“Just give him time,” Diana responded. Resting her hand on Hals shoulder.

Superman agreed, kind, patient. “He’ll let us know when he’s ready.”

“Yeah right, supes.” Barry interjects. “You know he gets more paranoid when new members join.”

 

The days passed on like normal. The new members had arrived at the tower when Batman wasn’t there. Clark had greeted them, some had been excited to formally meet the members of the Justice League.

Most of the new members were what the league had expected. They were good at their job. Some better than league members had expected. Especially Nightwing.

Superman had been worried for the guy. It was clear he had a strategic mind and strong emotional intelligence. The league had first thought he'd be more like Batman. Considering they heard he hailed from Gotham's sister city, Blüdhaven. But he was different. Charismatic, friendly and outgoing and full of confidence. He was quick to taunt and had skills to back it up.

 

One afternoon, Batman and Nightwing ended up in the watch tower together. Their presence almost never aligning. If people thought about it too hard, they might’ve suspected it was purposeful. Batman would chalk it up to “that’s just how schedules worked out.”

Most leaguers kept their distance. Careful to not irritate Batman if they could. But it was clear from this meeting that this was not the case with Nightwing.

Batman had been in the command center. A few other leaguers there discussing tech giants like LexCorp and Wayne Enterprises new plans for global advancement. The two had partnered up on a new high tech project. One that could revolutionize the medical industry, Lex Luthor was trying to make it into a wartime contingency. Bruce Wayne was vehemently against it.

The league had been strategizing what to do about Lex when Nightwing arrived.

Batman hadn’t looked up from the report he was working on, he had the sound of each league member's footsteps memorized. Diana and Superman had looked. Mostly out of curiosity for why the new member was there. Flash remained seated, fidgeting with the same toy he had last meeting.

“Something we can help you with, Nightwing?” Superman had asked.

“Nope,” Nightwing chimed. Grinning, he walked towards the members. Stopping once he got to Batman. “I’m just so so bored.”

Batman ignored him. Said nothing. The hero looked over at Flash. A smile rose on his face. In a swift motion he ran over and grabbed what flash was holding, “you found my rubics cube!” Nightwing quickly made easy work of the puzzle. All sides aligning in perfect color like it had started. “Where was it?”

Flash looked at him confused, “One of Kid Flash's friends had left it at my place.”

“Of course Flame Bird had it,” Nightwing chirped. Making no further comments on why that was such an obvious thing. Flash remained confused, not quite connecting the pieces of what that revelation had meant. Turning away from flash, Nightwing walked back to Batman. Mischief still in his expression.

In one quick second, Nightwing had wrapped his arm over Batman's shoulder. Casual. Practiced. Like it was something that had been done a thousand times before. “Come spar with me, B.”

Flash had froze, winced. Prepared for a scene he’d seen many times before when the league first started.

Superman had reached to stop Nightwing. To protect the young hero from being thrown over Batman's shoulder.

Clark had thought Batman was going to do something. Anything. He wasn’t too sure, but he was almost positive this was the last reaction he had ever expected.

But Batman didn’t do any of that. He didn’t even flinch from the touch. Didn’t even glare at the young hero for calling him B. He just sat there looking at the holographic screen in front of him. Moving pieces, forming a puzzle. His only reply a short grunt: “Busy,” but the usual Batman growl was missing. Non-existent

“Oh come on, B.” Nightwing glances at the data Batman is looking over. “We both know you’ve looked at that exact blueprint over a hundred times. It’s not going to magically sprout new info.”

Batman sighed.

The other heroes gaped at them in shock as Batman stood up and turned off the monitor. He didn’t verbally acknowledge the request, he just simply made his way to the training room.

 

The training hall was filled with things to help the league: training simulators, gravity rooms, ballistics ranges, and hand-to-hand arenas.

Other leaguers were in there practicing when Batman walked through the doors. Their attention halted. He usually only showed up for scheduled practices. Whispers spread through the room. Nightwing had challenged Batman. Nightwing had a death wish.

The hand-to-hand combat area cleared. Spectators gathered. “Look, B! So many people are about to watch you get your ass kicked.”

“Language,” Batman huffs. The rest of the leaguers looking with confusion on their faces.

The fight had started. A punch here and there. Nothing too serious. Onlookers not paying too much attention to the fight itself, still amazed that Nightwing had taunted Batman, used a nickname for him, AND all Batman had done was mention the language used. Something Batman had never condemned any of them for using.

“You’re not even trying, B.” It wasn’t until Nightwing had taunted again that the onlookers realized how long the fight had gone on for. Most people, other than Superman and Wonderwoman, lost within the first minute of the fight.

Batman was smirking. He wasn’t pissed. Everyone thought he would be pissed. But he was smiling at the new heros taunts.

The fight continued. Getting more difficult. More punches landed. More kicks connected. It was clear Nightwing's martial prowess was well learned. Clear that he was more agile than Batman. But Batmans moves had more impact. More control.

It was obvious Batman was going to win. Until Nightwing didn’t dodge when he was supposed to. When he could have. And Batmans fist landed harder than he meant it to.

Nightwing had flown forward, Batman had looked concerned. Let his guard down. Made the perfect opportunity for Nightwing to strike. And Batman was down. Nightwing was cheering, “Ha! I won B!”

Batman sat on the floor, he let a small laugh escape him. He raised his hand first towards the young hero. Nightwing clasped it immediately, pulling him up. A scene the league had never witnesses laid before them. Stunned silence.

“I’m next!” Flamebird had chimed in, zooming up to the mat. Nightwing groaned. A fight he was not looking forward to.

The match was over before it even started. Nightwing was on the ground. Flamebird on top of him. His super speed was not the problem. Nightwing had sparred against the flash on won. Sparred against many leaguers since he was brought into the watch tower. The problem was that Flamebird was different. He was Flamebird. And Nightwing could not, could absolutely never, hurt his Flamebird.

“I won!” Flambird yelled, ecstatic. “Does this mean I beat Batman by association?”

Batman shook his head and buried his face into his hands. He groaned. How could he have let these two join the league?

 

News of the spar eventually reached Superman. He had mentioned how he wishes he could have watched it. It’s not every day you see a serious spar with Batman, especially not one that he had lost to.

He was on monitor duty with Nightwing when he decided to ask the man about the spar. “So, how did you beat Batman?”

Nightwing grinned, “I’d tell you, but B doesn’t quite like it when I bring up his secret weakness.”

“Batman has a weakness?” Superman gaped. Disbelief. Shock. Curiosity. “What is it? No. Never mind. He wouldn’t want me poking around.”

Nightwing admired that part about Superman. He was curious but respectful. Didn’t push for more than what was actually needed.

But Nightwing also liked poking at people. Riling them up. Getting reactions. Not hurtful ones, though he’d done that before and immediately retracted when he noticed the affect. He just liked the fun of it, when both people were having fun.

“I’ll give you a hint, Clark-” Nightwing begins. Abruptly stopped by Supermans reaction at his name.

“You know my identity?” Not everyone in the league was privy to that kind of data. It was something only the original founders knew.

Nightwing realizes for a moment he messed up. Would Superman let him play this off? “Relax, I know everyone's identity and Batman hasn’t killed me for it, that should tell you something, right?”

Superman stilled. This was no longer about his own identity. That he didn’t care for in this moment. It was the words that registered to him. “Even Batmans?”

Nightwing winced. Fuck. How had he completely let that slip? That was not a play off. That was not a cover up. That was an execution. B was going to be VERY pissed.

Sidestepping the question entirely, though Superman was much aware he was changing the topic, Nightwing began to ask: “So, do you want to see the fight between me and B? I recorded it!”

Superman let the conversation go. It wasn’t his place to question identities. It wasn’t his place to decided who did and did not know Batmans identity. A secret kept even from him.

Superman had thought he was close to Batman. Thought that through the years they had become friends even. But Nightwing being here, casually calling him nicknames, their close interactions that Batman didn’t seem to mind, the smile that somehow kept appearing on Batmans face. All of it was telling Clark he was nothing more than just another league member. And watching the video recorded spar of the two, that suspicious was turning less into speculation and more into fact.

 

Batman had grinned. He smiled. He laughed. He looked excited. Happy. Concerned. He was down, he lost. And then he had reached out his hand. An action Clark had never seen before. Batman had asked for help before it was ever offered. Without hesitation. Like instinct.

The man that had never accepted his hand to get up , the man who had insisted he could do everything himself, the man that let no one in, had left Nightwing in. Not Clark. And that small realization stung.

 

Superman had watched the two of them more closely after that. He had realized that Batman had never actually tested Nightwing like he did with the rest of the league. He had never made the man prove himself. Had full confidence in him.

Meetings that usually only had Batman and a few other members, now had Nightwing too. Batman was always asking for Nightwings thoughts on the project. Asked questions he never asked others. Insight. Problems. Solutions.

Their proximity remained close. Too close. Too familiar. And Batman never moved out of it. Never mentioned it. Just remained the silent brooding guy he had always been.

 

“You ever notice just how close Nightwing is to Batsy?” Hal had asked Superman one day.

It was probably just a passing comment. One that didn’t matter or mean anything. One that wasn’t supposed to be aimed directly at Superman, it just happened to be him there when it was spoken aloud.

Of course other leaguers noticed it too. Of course they questioned.

Diana had been the one to deflect, always somehow knowing when Clark’s internal turmoil was rampaging. “They probably just bonded over their time in Gotham, I heard that's where Nightwing operated before Bludhaven.”

“Maybe they’re dating,” a voice chimed in. Hal, Clark, and Diana looked behind them. There stood Flamebird. A big grin on his face.

It was like something had clicked for all of them. “That must be it!” Hal yelled out. Like he had just solved the single greatest mystery of his life.

“Batman does let him into his personal space…” Diana had thought aloud.

Superman stood there like a statue. It did make sense. Still, he denied, “There’s no way.”

But Clark thought back to the video of the sparring session. To Batmans worried look at the end of the video, when he had hit Nightwing harder than he meant to, the panic. And part of him knew, that’s exactly what this had to be.

 

Flamebird sped away. Stopping at Nightwings quarters. Typing in the entry code, dying laughing when he entered the room. “You will never believe what I just did.”

Nightwing was sitting there. A mixture of confusion and panic on his face. He sighed, looked up in resignation, and questioned, “Wally, what did you do?”

It was a while before Nightwing could figure out what Wally was saying. His voice had increased in speed far quicker than usual. He got like this often when he was excited. Or trying to tell a joke.

So, “Superman… Dating… Thinks… Hal… Oh man… Batman.. So funny.. Tricked..” Words merging together. An impossible to decipher speed.

Nightwing reached out, pulled Wally in close to him. Their eyes met. Wally stilled. Quiet. Unmoving. His face flushed red.

“Wally.”

“Rob?”

“What did you do?” and Nightwing sat there in horror as his beloved told him the most horrifying joke he had ever heard, a joke that Flamebird believes is the best joke he will ever tell.