Chapter Text
It’s been a year since Haram became a full time trainee at SM Entertainment.
It’s been a year since she dropped out of school and left the safety of her home and family so she could completely focus on becoming an idol.
In these 12 months she has already cried more times than she can count for so many reasons that she can barely remember them: physical pain, mental exhaustion, stress, anxiety, homesickness, loneliness, sadness, frustration, harsh criticism and so on.
She has lived in a loop for the last months where all these feelings, one after the other, took over: she has a bunch of classes, a different assignment every month on which she will be evaluated. She saw new trainees being introduced every now and then while old ones being sent home without much of a thought. In this period she hasn’t managed to get close to anyone: first of all because she’s an introvert and secondly because there isn’t time to make friends since they are always training and the people you are close to could be sent home the next day. Her only focus has always been making out of this alive and with the guarantee of a debut, nothing else mattered to her.
For the 12th time she was standing in a straight line with the other trainees in front of the trainers and some high executive staff of the company.She was calm, she knew that her performance was good if not the best of the batch and by the looks being thrown at her by the other girls, they knew it too. So she wasn’t surprised when the examiners gave her straight As with lots of praises and the congratulations came just from them. She wasn’t fazed, she genuinely couldn’t care to be liked by the other trainees, she was just glad to have survived another month. She said her thanks along with the respectful bows and stepped to the side, waiting for the evaluation to end.
She was ready to go to the dorm and sleep for at least 10 hours the moment their trainer would dismiss them.
“I know it was hard but you made it through it. So be proud of yourself for today but remember that tomorrow everything will begin again for the next evaluation. Before I send you all off to rest I have an announcement to make,” the trainer said before pausing to let the trainees’ whispering die down. The girls didn’t know what to expect so they started to make guesses, everyone but Haram who just wanted to go home.
“This month a new trainee will join you from Monday and she will be taking classes with you starting from then. Hope you’ll be welcoming and help her out if she needs. That’s all, you are dismissed,” the trainer concluded and Haram was already out of the practice room. She didn’t care since it will probably be another random girl who’ll last a couple of months before dropping out or being sent home. In that moment she just wanted to sleep.
Monday arrived and Haram was in the practice room stretching before the first class of the day. At exactly 10.30am the trainer walked in the room with a tall girl walking behind him. The first things that struck Haram were her height and the way she walked: straight back, straight shoulders, head up, pure grace in every step. It took one look at her body to make Haram guess she was a ballerina.
The trainer called them in line and waited for a second to have everyone’s attention.
“Good morning, before we start the class let’s begin with the introductions,” he said before turning toward the new girl. “Please, introduce yourself.”
“Good morning, I’m Choi Jiwoo, I’m from Seoul. Nice to meet you all, please take care of me.” the girl said with ease, no hint of nerves in her voice.
The trainer pointed to her to join the line and the class began. It wasn’t a beginner class, it was a comfortable class for Haram and the older trainees but it was pretty tough on the newer ones, with one exception. Haram watched the new girl go through the class with ease, no breaking much of a sweat: the girl never complained about the strict and fast pace of the class until the end.
“That’s it for today, we will see each other tomorrow,” the trainer said when suddenly he disrupted all of Haram’s plans and only later she’ll realized how he changed her whole life with that call.
“Haram” he called her out “Jiwoo will follow your schedule of classes for this first week. Please show her around, let her know what she needs to know and help her move in the dorm. I trust you,” he said to her with a small smile before turning to Jiwoo. “You’ll be in good hands, good luck for everything.”
Jiwoo bowed politely, said her thanks and stood there, with Haram while the trainer and the other trainees left the room.
Jiwoo was the one to break the silence first “I’m sorry to be a burden for you, I’ll try to learn everything fast so that you won’t have to deal with me for longer than necessary. In the meanwhile take care of me, please,” she concluded while bowing. Haram was speechless, it wasn’t what she expected to hear but she felt somehow lighter.
“What year were you born in?” Haram asked in order to get the honorifics sorted out.
“I’m an ’06, what about you?”
“I’m an ’07 so there’s no need to be so formal, you can relax.” Haram said, trying to be a bit warm to the newbie considering how intimidating the first day can be. Jiwoo just nodded, not giving much away. Then she asked “How long have you’ve been training here? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“At the end of this month it will be a full year,” Haram said, “It’s tough for the first couple of months but then it gets easier, just hang on until it does.”
Jiwoo gave her a tight lipped smile and slightly bowed her head “Thank you for the advice,” she said, “so what is your next class?”
Haram let out a sigh and started to pick up her things “You are actually lucky because we have a break of an hour. I can show you around and explain stuff to you, so we can get that out of the way,” she said to a quiet Jiwoo, who just nodded in response.
Haram took the new trainee around the whole building, floor after floor, explaining rules, schedules, staff’s jobs and everything necessary to be known. Jiwoo followed her around, mostly in silence, nodding now and then. It was Haram to break the silence this time “You can ask me anything and don’t worry if you don’t remember everything right away, just come and ask me again. It’s much better than getting lost in here, trust me,” she said recalling very well when she got lost while searching for the media training room in her 2nd month.
“Thank you so much for being so available and kind, Haram,” the new trainee said. Haram noticed that it was the first time she called her by her name, meaning she was getting comfortable little by little.
“Let’s get a coffee at the cafeteria before the next class, it’s on me,” Haram decided.
The cafeteria was huge: it was a large room with windows on one side, white walls, grey tables with chairs all lined up in straight lines, with the counter of the cafeteria set up on the longer side of the room. Haram explained that during lunch and dinner time staff, trainees and some times idols would go there to have their meals and in the remaining hours it was just a cafe with a little convenience store for snacks.
They walked to a table, Haram asked for Jiwoo’s order and went to the counter to get their coffees. She came back, placed the two coffee on the table and sat down.
“So what did you do before coming here?”, Haram asked while sipping her coffee.
“I trained for 6 years in classical ballet and a couple of weeks ago I was street casted. I wasn’t so sure at first but then I decided to give it a try so here I am now, completely out of my comfort zone,” Jiwoo concluded with a nervous chuckle, her nerves showing for the first time.
“I knew you were a ballerina the moment you walked in!” Haram exclaimed, “Your posture is excellent, the dance trainer will love you,” Haram said with a small smile. It wasn’t much but Jiwoo appreciated the compliment and the lukewarm feeling behind it: it was much better than the coldness and sternness that she felt in the practice room, at first.
“Thank you, I guess,” Jiwoo said with a chuckle, “I don’t know if the trainer will love me, I just hope he won’t dislike me”.
“Impossible. I bet a coffee that she will like you and even compliment you on your posture,” Haram said full of confidence.
“Deal.” Jiwoo said, smiling. It wasn’t a nervous or sarcastic chuckle or a tight lipped smile, it was an actual smile.
After finishing their coffee, they started to walk towards the next class.
“The next class is foreign language. I’m currently doing English and Mandarin Chinese. Did you already get yours?”
“Actually, I did. I have only Japanese for now,” Jiwoo replied a bit uncertain.
“Good, they are on the same floor. I’ll show you your class and when you are done, just wait for me outside,” Haram said calmly, “I'll come to get you so we can get to next one, dance lessons.” The smaller girl said, with a spark in her eyes that Jiwoo hadn’t seen until then.
Once they got on the right floor, Haram showed her the Japanese class, wished her luck and started to walk towards her own class.
An hour and half later Jiwoo stepped out of the room very much confused and discouraged: turns out that learning Japanese is much harder than physical training and dancing. She leaned against the wall next to the door, took out her bottle of water and let herself breathe for a second before Haram would come to take her to the next class. She was standing there with her eyes closed when Haram exited her class and spotted her.
“Hey, are you okay?” Haram asked, a hint of concern in her voice.
Jiwoo sighed and slowly opened her eyes to look at her face, she was actually really pretty.
“I’m okay, starting from zero is a bit overwhelming,” Jiwoo said, “I’m glad it won’t be like this for dancing.”
Haram nodded, she could understand the feeling. “Don’t worry, it will go better. Come on, let’s get you to something you’re more familiar with.”
That managed to get a smile from Jiwoo, who straightened her posture and was ready to follow her guide in a second.
They walked towards the practice room in silence but it was less awkward than how it was in the morning. When they stepped in, there were already other trainees stretching out while waiting so Haram and Jiwoo prepared themselves and joined them on the floor. The moment Jiwoo started her stretching it was clear as the sun that she was a ballerina and when she went down on a perfect split without breaking a sweat the whole room looked at her with wild eyes. Haram on the other side took her time to watch her, actually watch her: the brown long hair were neatly put together in a ponytail, the dark eyes and the perfect eyebrows made her gaze sharp and deep, the nose straight and delicate lead to thin lips. The ballerina’s face didn’t seem to have a defect, like it came straight out of the pencil of a skilled artist. Haram was so focused on observing the ballerina that she didn’t hear the trainer come in so she was startled when Jiwoo stood up along with the other trainees.
“Good afternoon,” the trainer said scanning the room, “I see a new face, please introduce yourself.”
Jiwoo was caught off guard but introduced herself politely. After introductions were made, Jiwoo's first dance lesson as a trainee began.
The lesson was fast, difficult, very detailed, even the older trainees were having some struggles. Haram was cursing under her breath every chance she got to actually breathe, other trainees were on their knees after the first 30 minutes. Jiwoo was obviously having an hard time but the only sign was her red face and drenched shirt from the sweat. The trainer then started to make each trainee perform the short routine they’ve just learned to evaluate their skills.
Haram already knew she was going to be the first so when she heard her name she was already ready.
Jiwoo sat on the floor with the other trainees and watched Haram’s performance for the first time: she was stunned. Haram was shorter than her, her body was smaller, the muscles barely defined so she was completely shocked by the amount of strength Haram was able to put in her dancing and not just that: every step, every movement, from the biggest to the smallest, it was so precise, so clean. Anyone would’ve thought that it was the result of one year of training but Jiwoo knew that training it’s not enough when you don’t have enough talent to back it up. When Haram finished, Jiwoo was the first to clap for her, so loudly that the other trainees turned towards her before starting to clap too, timidly.
Haram noticed.
When Jiwoo was called up to perform, everyone was very focused and curious about her skills. When the ballerina’s performance started, everyone in the room suddenly realized that she was going to be a tough rival for a future debut line up. Haram already knew that, she was just stunned about how comfortable Jiwoo already was outside of classical ballet. Of course her ballerina’s lines and skills helped her but everyone knows how difficult it is to step out of classical ballet to get into hip hop or modern dance and Jiwoo seemed so natural, like she could just float from one genre to another.
When the lesson ended, the trainer called up Jiwoo to talk separately while the other trainees emptied the room. Haram walked outside the room slightly hesitant, she was worried Jiwoo was going to be scolded on her first day. She waited for her outside the room, seating on the floor of the hallway, scrolling on her phone when finally the door opened and Jiwoo stepped out with the trainer. After saying their goodbyes to the trainer and before Haram could think about how to ask what happened, Jiwoo spoke up.
“I guess I have to pay for the next coffee at the cafeteria” she said, smiling.
“What…?”Haram was confused when suddenly she remembered, “OH! I told you she would love you, it’s going to be tough for the rest of us.” Haram said the last part like a joke but Jiwoo could hear the hint of worry in her tone.
“You have nothing to worry about, Haram,” Jiwoo said seriously, “You are an incredible dancer, I didn’t know you could be so powerful. I will learn a lot from you.”
Haram didn’t know what to say, she was never complimented liked this from other trainees or even applauded so sincerely and loudly like Jiwoo did in the practice room.
It felt good.
It felt sincere.
It felt warm.
With a light shadow of pink naturally coloring her cheeks, Haram thanked the ballerina.
Jiwoo just smiled, “Do we go back to the dorms now?”
Haram nodded, leading the way, and in what was now a comfortable silence, the two trainees started to walk side by side without knowing that that day was just the first of many more ahead of them.