Chapter Text
At first, it started as an office joke.
"If you interview him so much, you might as well just ask him out on a date!"
Clark had blushed and fumbled over his words, claiming he didn't like Superman romantically, but the jokes kept coming.
Eventually, Lois joined in.
Usually, Lois doesn't like to join in with her other coworkers when they gang up on Clark. She doesn't like to gang up on anyone-- except creeps.
Technically, she wasn't joking with the others, though. She knew her friend was in love. She could see it. But, every time she tried to confront Clark about it, he always shut her down.
"I appreciate the sentiment, but, really, Lois, I'm alright."
"I'm sure Superman is busy this weekend, Lois, but it's thoughtful of you to care about my dating life."
It was starting to get annoying.
So, if Clark isn't going to let himself be happy? Lois is going to do it for him.
- - - - -
"Ms. Lane, that was incredibly irresponsible. And dangerous. And—"
"Thanks for the concern, Superman, but I had it handled." Lois dusted herself off after being put down by the Kryptonian.
Lois had put found herself in a hostage situation. She was walking home from work, when she got pulled into a bank and used to get money
"There was a gun to your head!" Superman exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. Man, he was pretty cute, she'll give Clark that.
"It wasn't loaded, and the safety was on."
"What-"
"I'm an investigative journalist, Mr. Man. I'm observant."
"Regardless, it was rash-"
"Regardless, it got your attention."
"... what?"
"I'm interviewing you this Thursday. 12:30 PM EDT. You will show up."
"But-"
"It's at Daisy's Café on Main Street."
As Lois walked away, she left behind a flabbergasted Superman, hovering in place, a bug flying into his open mouth.
- - - - -
"But-"
"I already had Perry give the story to Cat, I look at your calendar and you have nothing marked, and I told them you'd be there."
Lois had just told Clark that she wanted to have lunch with him at Daisy's Café on Thursday- tomorrow. She wasn't going to take no for an answer.
"I told Ma-"
"Martha can wait, Clark!" She could feel her irritation bubble up.
Time to turn on the manipulation >:)
"Clark, look... I just want to have lunch with you, alright? I think you're a pretty swell guy, and I'd like to get to know more about you- outside of the office. Please?"
"Well..."
Great. Now he was being mean. Even though he knew it was all a ploy- though he didn't quite know what Lois was planning exactly- he couldn't help the pang he felt at the sight of someone looking so disappointed.
"Alright. We'll go out for lunch tomorrow."
Lois pumped her fist in the air. "You won't regret this, Smallville!" She jogged off, her ankles perfectly okay in her stilettos. It was impressive, actually.
Now, Clark just had to figure something out...
- - - - -
"C'mon, B, pick up..." Clark paced his apartment's living room. "C'monnnn..."
The phone rang four times before it was picked up.
"Hello, Mister Kent."
"Ah, Alfred! Can you hand the phone to Bruce, please?"
"I'm afraid he isn't available at the moment. He's currently involved in something... rather intimate."
"He's out on patrol rather early tonight, huh?" Clark let out a chuckle.
"Ah, well- erm, yes. You could say that."
"Well, could pass along something for me, Alfred?"
"Of course, sir."
"Could you ask him if he's available on Thursday at 12:30? If so, can you ask him to call me back?"
"I will, Sir."
"Thank you so much, Alfred. I'm sorry it's such short notice."
"It's no issue, Mister Kent. I'm sure Master Bruce would be more than willing to help you out-- the things you have done for home over the years-"
Clark felt his face heat up. He was never good with being praised, even if he got praised on the daily by millions of people around the universe. "Alright! Thanks! Bye!" He hung up quickly, wincing at his impoliteness.
He sat down on his couch, head in his hands. "Ughhhhhh... why did I do that?! I was so rude! Gosh, it's just like that time in church..."
"Clark Joseph Kent! You are going to march right back in there and apologize to Mrs. Stevens!"
"But, Ma—"
"Uh-uh! No 'buts' Mister! You were rude, and you will apologize!"
"Fine..."
A young Clark sheepishly opened the church doors and stepped inside, walking over to Mrs. Stevens.
"I'm sorry..." He had said just barely loud enough for her to hear.
"Oh, it's quite alright, Dearie. I did come on quite strong. You're young, and I spooked you."
Clark couldn't stop his sniffle, and he didn't catch the tear in time.
"Oh, Sweetheart..."
Even now, 16 years later, Clark still shrunk in on himself. He could still feel Mrs. Stevens' arms around him, he could still feel her lace shirt dampening from his sobs. It was the first time he'd ever felt humiliated- but certainly not the last.
- - - - -
An hour later, Bruce finally called him back. His voice was ragged, and he sounded out of breath. All signs of a good fight.
"What is it, Clark?"
Clark chuckled. "Successful patrol, B?"
"...Yes."
"Sounds like it! Anyway, I have a favor to ask of you..."
"Clark, for the last time, I'm not going to threaten Perry to make him give you a raise-"
"Gosh, no, B! I'd never ask you to do that- not today, at least..." He rubbed the back of his neck, sheepishly. "Look, I need you to pretend to be Superman tomorrow."
"...who threatened you?"
"No one threatened me- at least, she didn't say anything threatening..."
"'She'?"
"Lois," Clark sighed, rubbing his forehead. He was still sitting on the couch, a cheesy rom-com playing on the TV, forgotten in the background. "I think she's trying to set me up on a date with myself- with Superman."
There was silence on the other end of the line for a second before laughing erupted from the receiver.
"Stop laughing! It's not funny, Bruce!"
He could hear him panting, calming himself down from his fit. "You're right. This is absolutely not funny." Clark could still hear the snicker sneak out of Bruce.
Clark groaned in embarrassment.
"Oh, don't be like that."
"Can you do it or not?"
"... I cannot."
"But-"
"Murphy's Law: if something can go wrong, it will go wrong. Following this principle, we can assume that tomorrow, wherever I- as Superman- am needed, you- the actual Superman- will be needed."
"You have to make everything scientific, don't you?"
Bruce ignored his best friend's last remark. "I'll call J'onn. He'll be your best bet at fooling people."