Chapter Text
Clarke hears the moment her wife returns home, her ears having become trained to recognise the sound of Lexa’s key turning in the front door. The soft light of the moon peeks through the curtains of their bedroom window where Clarke lies, unable to sleep without knowing Lexa is home safe and in bed with her. Clarke had considered texting Lexa when she wasn’t home by seven but thought better of it. Lexa wouldn’t respond anyway, not when she’s focused on work. She listens as Lexa kicks off her heels at the front door before padding quietly down the hallway. Clarke turns in bed, tugging the blankets up before kicking them off again, the empty space beside her refusing to warm no matter how she shifts. She hears the quiet sounds of Lexa moving through the house, the soft clatter of dishes and the low hum of the microwave.
Clarke lies in the dark and waits, turning onto her side then to her back again, as if that might make the wait feel shorter. Her eyes fix on the faint glow of the clock on the bedside table. 10:30. It’s become sort of a routine ever since Lexa started becoming more and more consumed by work. Clarke wakes up alone in bed, comes home to an empty house, eats by herself, and lies in bed for hours waiting to hear the telltale click of the front door. Every late night chips away at her, a persistent worry she can’t seem to shake. She’s been waiting for the right moment to bring it up, but Lexa is never around to do so. A thin strip of light spills into the bedroom as the door opens, cutting through the darkness before disappearing again as Lexa slips inside. It feels like encountering a mythical legend. Lexa moves around the room quietly, swapping her blouse and slacks for soft pyjamas. Clarke feels the slight dip of the mattress as Lexa lies down beside her, tucking herself under the protection of their shared blanket. Clarke takes the opportunity to shuffle closer to her, circling an arm around her waist as if closing the distance might make up for the hours they’ve spent apart. Lexa shifts under her touch. Clarke can almost feel the flicker of guilt tightening in Lexa’s chest.
“You’re still awake?” Lexa asks softly into the darkness of their bedroom. Clarke almost admits to not being able sleep without Lexa next to her. She swallows her words instead. She doesn’t want to give Lexa more to deal with.
“I was worried about you.” Clarke pauses then adds softly but firmly, “You should’ve been home hours ago.” Lexa kisses Clarke’s forehead apologetically.
“I’m sorry, honey. My meeting ran late and then I had to-” Her words are cut off as Clarke kisses her gently, not wanting to hear any more excuses. Clarke’s hand comes up to cup Lexa’s cheek tenderly. They hardly ever kiss anymore. It was something that used to feel so simple, so automatic that it used to go unnoticed. Once, it had been impossible for them to keep their hands off each other. Now moments like this felt…rarer. Clarke hadn’t realised how much she’d missed it until now. But her concern overrides any other thoughts. Clarke pulls away slightly to examine her wife’s face, easily spotting the dark circles under Lexa’s eyes, the slight pallour of her skin. Clarke’s face creases with worry.
“You’re exhausted. You need to take a break sometime, Lex” Clarke says pleadingly. “You’re working yourself to the ground”
Lexa brushes off her concern with a reassuring smile, pulling Clarke’s head to rest on her chest with a small sigh.
“You worry too much. I’m fine. Go to sleep.” Lexa whispers into Clarke’s hair. Clarke presses her lips together, swallowing the words she’s been meaning to say for weeks. She wants to argue but she doesn’t have the energy. Now that Lexa’s holding her, she feels her eyelids grow heavier and her body relaxes into the softness of her wife’s affection. Lexa’s fingers stroke tenderly through Clarke’s hair, soothing her into a deep sleep.
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The persistent buzz of her alarm pulls Lexa out of sleep. She quickly hits stop, not wanting to wake up Clarke who’s fast asleep on top of her. Lexa yawns tiredly, not feeling like she got nearly enough rest. A dull headache is already forming behind her eyes, her thoughts feel sluggish and tangled, no clearer than they were when she finally drifted off a few hours ago. She feels the opposite of refreshed. Lexa recalls last night, tossing and turning while Clarke slept peacefully next to her. Her mind can’t seem to stop running, even in the early hours of the morning. It’s a constant carousel of meetings she can’t afford to fumble, emails piling up faster than she can answer, deadlines pressing closer. She would give anything to shut her eyes again, to bury her face in Clarke’s hair and stay there forever. But she has a meeting at nine that she can’t miss. Blonde strands of soft hair tickle Lexa’s chin. She breathes in deeply, not wanting to let go of Clarke. She sighs before gently manoeuvring Clarke so she’s not lying directly on top of Lexa anymore. Clarke stirs slightly but quickly falls back into dreamland. Lexa lets out the breath she was holding and sits up, rubbing her sore eyes. She must’ve slept with her contacts in again. Lexa groans quietly.
Standing up, Lexa feels like she got no sleep at all. Her feet are like bricks as she forces herself to get ready for the day. She pulls on a presentable outfit and trudges to the bathroom. The mirror reflects a tired, worn-down version of her. She’s going to need a lot of concealer to fix this. She fixes her face as best she can while still wishing she could be back in bed with Clarke. Her body could definitely use the rest. By the time she’s done, it's time to go. She hastily prepares a cup of coffee and gets in the car, not before placing a tender kiss on Clarke’s forehead.
“Bye, sweetheart” Lexa whispers before shutting the bedroom door behind her.
Lexa’s phone buzzes as she gets into her car.
Reminder: anniversary dinner tonight
Lexa’s thumb pauses over the screen. She swipes the notification away, the reminder lingering in the back of her mind for all of half a second before the day’s demands rush back in. She tells herself she won’t miss it.