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It was just an idea born on a whim. I’ve even forgotten how we reached this end result; I was simply too overwhelmed with happiness.
For a moment, as success finally settled in, my heart felt divided. One side tingled with a restless excitement, yet in the next heartbeat, it would ache, as if someone were gripping it with a crushing force.
Yeah, that brings back memories. Tella-tan, I’m sorry.
My hands trembled. I could never truly overcome those memories. If only I could go back in time and save her, just like I used to...
Well, that is a past I can no longer challenge. For now, it is the future that is threatening me.
“Subaru.”
I’m being called? Ah.
“Bea...ko.” Beatrice has suffered so much alongside me. At one point, I nearly drowned in the guilt of dragging her into this mess, but in the end, I’m just glad some of it worked out.
Beatrice is the younger sister I cherish above all else. Watching her artificial Od grow and develop, seeing her slowly get taller and more beautiful, well, that wasn't exactly in my Natsuki Subaru’s Isekai Survival 101 guidebook.
But seeing her finally free from the chains of the past, now that she’s found her own identity... it makes me worry for her a little less.
The real challenge, though, is the path I chose for myself after becoming the Sage. Once I finished freeing this world from its own demons, all that was left to do was ask for forgiveness.
I need forgiveness from the people who stood beside me, the ones I left behind out of my own selfishness.
Scratching my chin, I stood before the library door of the new Milord Manor. It really was the best place to hide, after all.
Anne is busy fangirling over my wife while I spend my days hiding in my room. Being an adult really is hard.
I smiled, letting the worry drain from my face.
“Beako, I’m alright.”
She walked closer, her hand gripping mine with a sense of desperation. Slowly, she reached out toward the library’s exit. The doors vibrated violently, as if a storm were raging on the other side, threatening to splinter the wood. I felt Beatrice’s grip get tighter and tighter, her knuckles white.
“Subaru, if it is as you say, that your world has no mana...”
“...” I listened, swallowing a heavy lump in my throat.
“Then, in your world, I will not be able to incarnate. My sole existence will be tied to your senses, I suppose.”
“So that means...” It took me a moment to truly comprehend the gravity of the danger she was walking into just for me.
“Don’t stop believing in me, Subaru,” she said, looking at me with an expression of total, all-encompassing forgiveness.
The doors burst open. A warm gale of wind rushed in, making my body feel weightless, almost as if I were melting into the air itself. Together, we crossed the threshold as a blinding white light engulfed us both.
The light blinded me, but soon my chest tightened as a familiar, crushing sense of guilt washed over me. I smelled the grit of dust and heard the distant, low roar of engines revving.
Beneath me, I could feel the ragged, cold coating of asphalt. Slowly, gently, I forced my eyes open. The colours of the world were dull, drained of the vibrant life I had grown used to. That was my cue.
Natsuki Subaru had finally returned to his world.
Standing exactly where I was when I was first dragged away, I looked up at the same old convenience store.
“Beako, you're here with me, right?” I placed my hand over my heart. Beneath my palm, I could feel her, the sensation of her head resting against my chest.
“I’m calm, don’t worry,” I whispered, more to myself than her.
I began to walk, tracing the roads I remembered while navigating paths I had never seen before. Perhaps it was just a hallucination, but I could have sworn I saw them. I could see versions of myself, afterimages of the innocent boy who lived his life trying to reach the impossible expectations of others.
As I walked further, I brushed my fingers against a telephone pole. The texture was harsh and stiff. Again, I saw another afterimage. One by one, I saw everyone who had followed me, left behind as I selfishly pushed to go beyond.
I think I understand now, just a little, how hard it must have been for them to keep up with me.
Each step brought me closer and closer to the residence, and with each one, my stride grew shorter. I was faltering, but I knew I couldn't delay the inevitable any longer.
Then, there it was: the Natsuki nameplate. The engraving was exactly as I remembered, as welcoming as it had ever been. So then... why? Why did it feel so disgusting to even look at it? Why did being near it make my skin crawl?
I walked past the nameplate, and to my shock, the door suddenly flung open.
“Shit!”
The sudden movement startled me, but the person running out at full speed was none other than me, or rather, the version of me that was still naive. We passed each other like two ghosts in the night.
The past ran away, and I, the present, finally came back. I walked toward the door, hovering my hand near the doorbell, but something felt off. I turned around and saw that the "past" had yet to leave. For one last time, he looked back, staring at the house that had become a curse to him.
We both locked eyes. I rubbed mine, exhausted and weary; a second later, he disappeared.
“And who could you be?”
A voice, familiar and warm, rang in my ears, cutting through the heavy silence of the evening.
My eyes fell onto that feeble frame, the back hunched and fragile. I couldn't believe my eyes.
Or maybe I simply didn’t wish to believe it. Time is truly cruel. “I... am sorry...” I mumbled, my eyes soaking into my sleeves as I trembled. I was petrified.
The man walked towards me.
Tick.
Tick.
Using his cane, he traced the tiles and the texture of the asphalt, making his way forward to challenge the world that had once loved him. Seeing him in such a condition made me realise this wasn't something even he could have overcome.
“Are you the mailman?” he asked gently. As he drew closer, his presence felt different; it didn't even feel like the father I once knew.
This wasn't the Natsuki Kenichi I remembered.
“My... my name is Subbbbbbbbbbbbb—” He reached out and pulled my cheeks with a playful grin on his face.
He traced the features of my face, his fingers memorising the shape of me, his own eyes slightly misty. Tears rolled down my cheeks, spilling onto his fingers.
“Oh, please pardon this old man. It has been six years since I lost my sight; this is the only way I can remember people's faces properly,” he said, before calmly walking beside me toward the door.
He welcomed me like a total stranger. I never expected this to hurt more than any death I had ever faced.
As I entered the house, multiple afterimages surrounded me. I saw my mother and father hugging each other in the hallway. I saw a baby version of myself crawling toward the kitchen, and then a pregnant version of my mother, sitting idly and caressing her belly as she sang lullabies to me.
My chest went hollow.
I looked aside to avoid eye contact, and that was when my eyes fell upon it. A picture frame sat there, a dead flower lying beside it. I traced my hand over the glass hesitantly. My throat choked; the words were almost too heavy to bear.
“Is this your wife in this picture?” I asked, awaiting his answer.
“Yes. She is beautiful, isn't she?” he replied without a second thought. I smirked weakly.
“So... where is your wife right now?” I shouldn't have asked.
In that moment, the world grew silent. My surroundings seemed to expand, stretching further and further away from me until it felt like I was stuck in the diorama of some cruel play.
His face said it all. You can’t lie with an expression like that; no one who carries love in their heart would ever willingly show such dread.
Without saying much, we continued into the living room. He asked me to sit for a while as he went to fetch some water to calm me down.
“I have a son as well,” he said.
It crushed me. Why do you still cling to me? Why?!
“He left for a trip when he was pretty young. I admire his courage; it must have been hard for him,” he continued. “You have a heavy way of sitting. Like you've been carrying the world on your back. My son... he had a heavy heart, but he hadn't learned how to carry it yet. I hope wherever he is, he found someone to help him with the load.”
His words, no, I just wanted to cry. My tears spilt nonstop. I clamped my hand over my mouth to keep from making a single sound. How do I say it to you? How do I tell you that your son is proud to be your son?
The grip on my hand tightened. Beako made sure to assure me that I wasn't alone. Yes, I am no longer alone.
Rubbing my eyes clean, I stood up and bowed to him, paying my respects and preparing to leave. I couldn't ruin this solemn peace, this understanding they had built up over all these years. I couldn't just selfishly force my way back in to satisfy myself.
“Could you please show me your hands?”
He held my palms gently, running his fingers over the skin. Rough, calloused, and strong. His expression shifted.
“You've become a fine man. I can tell. Your father... he would be so proud, he'd probably never stop bragging about you.” He spoke with a wide, stupid grin.
My eyes, I couldn't see anymore. These stupid tears. Why? Why won't they let me look at him?
I cried until my eyes were dry, and before I knew it, I was walking away. For a moment, I wanted to stop, to look back...
“Kenichi-san, thank you!”
I ran. I ran as fast as I could. His silhouette slowly disappeared into the reflection of the setting sun.
“Ah, I forgot to give him my name. I’m glad I was able to see you again... Subaru.”
I ran and didn't look back. There’s no more attachment; you are his son, after all.
I am Natsuki Subaru, son of Natsuki Kenichi and Natsuki Naoko.
Come at me, world.
On our way back, neither Beako nor I uttered a single word. As we slowly teleported, the weight of the realisation settled in: I am no longer a resident of that world.
I am welcomed by this world, by the people here, and most importantly, by my family.
I wish I could have talked to you more, Father. Mother. I wish I could have told you about your daughter-in-law and your granddaughter.
“SUBARU! Where were you?”
She is as beautiful as she ever was.
“Sorry, Emilia-tan. I’ll take care of it from here.”
I lifted my daughter from her cradle, cradling her close. “There, there, Chocorina! Papa is here.”
Chu~
“Heh, Emi—”
“Shhh...”
“You were crying, right? Then cry more. Let it all out. We are here for you, Subaru.”
I will never forget this day. Crying, I soaked Emilia-tan’s sleeves. Her scent and her warmth comforted me as her hands gently caressed my hair.
I could never have made it through these four seasons without you…