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They'd worked together for years and never once had he let his dirty little secret slip out, not once. Not the first time he'd seen the Colonel shoot a cigarette out've a politician's mouth from twelve stories up, not the time he'd dragged the man back to his flat and plucked shrapnel from his face in nothing but their pants, not the time he'd sent the man a Christmas present that cost more than a live in slave. It could never be returned. So it was best to not let it slip.
Not. Even. Fucking. Once.
But that night had been a fine example of how bad Jim Moriarty was at communicating anything that didn't involve business.
It had started out so well, he briefed his newest assassins on their positions, who they'd be following, what time to be there, when to pull the trigger and when to pack up.
Then he'd gotten to Sebastian.
Moran had given him a look that made his ribs feel bruised. He didn't understand that.
"Sir, may I request a private conversation?" His voice was steady but something about it sounded...off. Jim didn't like it. Moran wasn't supposed to sound 'off.'
"If you insist." had been his reply before he'd motioned for the other's to leave. The second they were out the door Sebastian had his hands on him and Jim was taken entirely off guard.
"Moran! What do you think you're doing?!" Jim had shoved him away but the former soldier was still stronger, fists holding his employer up from by his suit jacket.
"How the Hell can you think this is appropriate?!" He'd growled, face inches from Jim's and looking absolutely enraged. "How can you think I'd be perfectly fine with shooting you in your damned head?!"
Moriarty had no proper reply, stumbling over his words like an startled child.
"You-I-what?! You don't question my directions Mora-" The fist that made contact with his stomach sent him reeling, clutching his ribs and tumbling face first onto the floor. Moran stood over him and he gave his Sniper a look that might've actually killed a lesser man.
Moran, however, just mumbled a small "I quit" before turning around and walking to the exit door.
Jim dropped the glare immediately.
"What do you mean 'you quit?'" he'd snapped, stumbling gracelessly towards Sebastian. "You can't quit! I own you!"
"You don't own a damn thing, you're a dead man walking!" Sebastian had turned around, a finger in Moriarty's face as he shouted. "So. I. Fucking. QUIT."
Jim had stood there, irritated and exhausted from months of planning and not entirely up for arguing.
"Sebastian."
"You're going to kill yourself. Over some...Some bleeding detective with no sense!"
"Moran, he's brilliant and its only if he figures it ou-"
"He doesn't understand the bleeding Sun!"
Sebastian was practically panting, his hands in fists at his sides, grip tightening and loosening compulsively as he tried not to strike his employer a second time. The fact he'd survived the first one was a testament to his talents.
Jim just remained quiet, patiently waiting for Sebastian's temper to cool before he spoke.
"He's me, Moran, it's only fitting."
Sebastian had to visibly restrain himself, suddenly pulling at his own hair and kicking a folding chair across the entire length of the warehouse.
"For the love. Of God. Jim." Sebastian forced the words out, wiping a hand down his face. "Jim, I will not going along with this kamikazi plan of your's. Consider me unemployed."
"For God's sake Sebastian, Why? If you're worried about your payment, there should be enough to keep you stable for decades-"
"Because I'm in love with you, you utter fucking moron."
Wait.
What.
Jim just stared, confused.
"I beg your pardon, Moran?"
"You are an arsehole. A manic little fuck with no sense of self preservation and sometimes I want to hold your head underwater until you stop struggling but...fuck, would you stop looking at me like that?!"
Jim backed up, a small expression of weakness but more than he usually showed.
"Moran, you...you can't expect me to not be a little shocked." He was smiling. Dark and sick and the same grin he gave Holmes when he knew he was about to walk into his web.
Sebastian, for his part, just looked hateful.
"Jim, don't."
"You're no Holmes but..."
"I already quit, so don't bother trying to use it against me."
"Sebastian."
Sebastian exhaled dramatically as Moriarty strutted forward, wrapping a hand around his dog tags.
"Sebastian, I've been working on this plan for a very long time."
"Yeah, I'm aware Mr. Brook."
"And you are a big part of it."
"So I've noticed."
"Because you are the only man I trust to truly listen when I speak."
"I try."
"Because-"
"I'm a well paid idiot."
"Because" Jim glared up at him. "I genuinely trust you and enjoy frittering my time away with you."
Sebastian arched an eyebrow.
"Oh?"
"You're well educated, talented-" Jim bit his lips, lifting his shoulders slightly in excitement. "...Fun."
"I'm flattered."
"And Holmes and I...he is me."
Sebastian had sighed, all his energy drained, his hopes for this conversation nonexistent.
"Sir, Holmes is...Holmes is an idiot, and even if he wasn't, he's-"
"Mad about his broken soldier?" Jim cut him off, rubbing his thumb against the embedded initials and tugging the chain that held them. Sebastian just stopped.
"What are trying to tell me sir?"
"I haven't been entirely honest with you, Colonel."
"I figured that much."
Jim pulled the chain more viciously, yanking it's wearer down with and giving him better eye contact with the Criminal Mastermind.
"Sebastian, I have to say, you have more in common with Watson than I thought." Moriarty's lips pressed against the sniper's left ear. "You're both so utterly clueless."
With that, Jim released him, leaving Sebastian confused and...well, mildly turned on.
He pulled his droid out of his pocket, typing out a text to be sent to all his best men. Including the best of them all.
Moran pulled out his mobile, confused by the familiar 'Prrring' of his 'Jim-Specific' text alert.
"Change of plans. I will be out of commission for the next several months. Will contact you when needed. -JM"
He looked from his phone to his boss. Jim shrugged and slipped his phone back in his pocket.
"A month should be enough time to find a minister with a secret to hide, I suppose. Do you think Sherlock would like to be a witness or should I ask Molly? They'll be tied up entire way, so I don't think it matters."
"I...wait, what just happened?"
"Where would you like to honeymoon? I haven't been to Brittany in decades, though Sicily is nice this time of year."
"Are we...did you just...are you planning on marrying me?!"
It was Jim's turn to cock an eyebrow at his companion.
"Are you saying no?"
"I...I'm just a little, this is very fast sir-"
"I don't like to wait Sebastian, so if you're saying no-"
"No, I just, I think-It's very sudden, we haven't even-"
"Moran."
"...Yes. Yeah, alright."
"Wonderful!" Jim had practically tap danced over to him, locking arms with him and leading them, side-by-side, out the exit door to his waiting BMW. "And Sebastian...?"
"Yes sir?"
Jim stood on his tiptoes for moment, pressing his lips to Sebastian's in a chaste kiss. "I love you too...but if you ever punch me again I'll gut you myself."
Sebastian laughed.
"Duly noted, Sir.