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Andrew and I had always been close
Something about him drew me in like a fly caught in a web, something inevitable in a way I could hardly comprehend.
He felt so.. warm, like the sun beaming down on your face on a sunny day, like sitting down by a stone fireplace after a long day of building, like the warmth of a candle as read in the dark on a cold night.
He was my best friend.
That's what he had always been, that's what he would always be. Just best friends who never got to met IRL, friends who never got to say goodbye, friends that cared so deeply for each other they'd take eachothers pains as their own.
That's all they were..
Best friends
But then it all changed.
He looked so.. angelic
smelling flowers, butterflies framing his brown hair and black obsidian eyes, each freckle felt kissed by Apollo as he stood there radiantly as he always had.
For the first time in a long time, I felt warm too.
Not his kind of warm, a different kind. Like burning your finger on that candle, like stepping to close to that fire, like flying too close to the sun.
I didn't know how to feel, I could barely put a word to the feeling until he walked off. Then it struck me the moment he disappeared from my view.
This was love.
And oh by everything holy I craved more of him. And the universe delivered, every time I needed help he was there, like a light guiding my path.
Every day we would talk, pretended we'd never been separated. Pretended we had met before this island, really met.
Oh I would've done anything for you.
But I knew you didn't feel the same, I wished so hard for you to love me back. To run up to me, to hug me tightly letting all you're warmth furfill me, to twirl me around and kiss me with so much passion I couldn't breath.
But that couldn't be, you didn't love me. I saw the way you looked at me and wished so desperately for you to feel what I felt, but you're eyes told me you'd never know. That I'd remain with you forever as you're best friend. The one you trusted so deeply it made me love you in the first place.
And I was fine with that.
I was fine staying as you're best friend.
Even as you'd greet me each time with a bow and a smile that shined like stars, even as you talked to me everyday soothing me through stupid worries and feelings I couldn't tell you. Even when everything you did would leave me thinking of it for the next hour.
I was content making fantasy's in my head that would never pass, daydreaming that you'd hold my hand and knit us sweaters together and that we'd snuggle up by the fireplace in you're house and fall asleep together.
But at some point, I stopped being content with it. I could feel that craving for you, to hold me like something you'd lost, like something you'd cherish forever. I wanted to feel you're warmth on my chest as you fell asleep on me.
And so I started trying.
There was a cherry blossom tree near the sea that I knew would become my canvas for beauty. I layed a picnic blanket out on the soft lush grass, moved a bench to lay on it. Forced a lantern into the ground that glowed pink and yellow, placed down of flower pot of red and pink flowers to match the scenery. Grew hedge behind the bench to frame the area, it was perfect.
It had to be the place you'd fall in love with me in.
But you didn't, I tried so hard. to have conversations under the cherry tree, smelling the flowers like you did, laying in the flower petals so you'd love me too.
I started to resent how hard I tried only for there to be nothing in return, I despised how I felt about you knowing you'd never love me back. I felt cursed, cursed to feel a warmth so bright yet never touch the flame.
I could never hate you though. Not in a million cosmos.
So I asked if you'd move in with me.
"Hey man." I walked up to you cheery like I had a great Idea.
You greeted me with that bow as you always did, smiling at me like the sun itself.
"Good evening, Chris." I looked down as you said that hoping to hide my warm face.
The way you said my name slightly breathy from use sent me spiraling.
But I came here for one goal and that wasn't going to stop now.
"I was thinking, about if we moved in together." I fidgeted with my hands, tapping my thumbs side to side.
I looked up to see you're reaction, desperately hoping it wasn't disgust at the idea.
You're interest looked peaked you're dark eyes lighting up a little at the idea.
"So -uh y'know we could talk more, you're my best friend and i'd love to know what it's like to be roommates." I looked off to the side not wanting to see you're reaction any longer in fear.
Then I heard you chuckle, not mean or malicious but a chuckle at the idea. I thought you would reject my idea as you're chuckles grew into a laugh but then you turned to me a smile on you're lips eyes gazing on me in a way I wanted you to do more of.
"Yeah sure Chris, anything you want."
You agreed, I didn't expect you to agree. I didn't expect you to accept me and you living together so immediately. But you did, so we got a bigger house. My room was right next to yours, you were a knock away if I wanted to talk to you.
And I wanted to talk to you, again I felt that craving for you're attention, yet you still didn't look at me how I wanted you to. Didn't love me like I wanted you to.
But that was fine.
We stayed like this, you saw me as a friend for too long while I sat and stared at you with love in my eyes.
At some point, it changed I barely noticed why or how but it did. I helped you find something you lost and you looked at me like I was a prize.
Then came the touch I so desperately needed. You brushed my hand as we watched tv, ruffled the fur of the mask I wore, snuggled up to me during a horror movie.
Finally I felt you're warmth completely in a way I never had.
The best part though, was the way you looked at me. You stared at me with eyes lost in daydreams, like you wanted to eat me up right then and there.
As much as I could feel you're love, I didn't make a move. Some part of me screamed that I was wrong, that I was mistaken, that you're gazes were that of friendship and not love.
And I believed it.
Then the day came that changed everything.
I had just woken up and yet you were somehow up already, watching that detective show you always liked. I sat down next to you and leaned in a little.
"Hey Chris." You sounded nervous, more so you looked it. You're eyes flicked from me to the screen to the rose in the pocket of you're suit. You were poking the rose's thorn with you're index finger gently.
"Hey Andrew." I smiled at you, trying to comfort whatever was up with you.
"I was wondering..." You're mind trailed off as you spoke before continuing with a deep breath in. "Meet me by the cherry tree at sunrise. I want to tell you something."
My eyes widened, my heart leaped out of my chest at thought of what I wanted you to do.
And you delivered. I arrived right as the sun started to rise. You were staring at it, back turned to me as the sakura petals slowly drifted in the wind.
You turned to me and the light from the sun made your face glow warm. You looked at me with so much craving in you're eyes that made me question my own hunger for you. Time seemed to stop as you faced me, I watched as your breath hitched with deep desire for what I wanted you to say.
"Chris- I.." you choked on your words before you fell to your knees. You looked up at me desperate like you wanted to cry. "Chris- will you go out with me."
Oh and to the heavens above did I want to.
I almost shrieked out the answer my smile growing so wide it almost hurt. "Yes! I- absolutely." My eyes stared at you on the ground pleading for me after I had wanted you so long and my heart broke a little from how stunning you were.
You're smile lit up your face in a way the sun never could. You got up and hugged me right then and there, buried your face into my shoulder like you'd never let go. I wrapped my arms around you tightly letting all the warmth I had craved for so long to finally fully consume me.
When you broke our hug. You looked at me with eyes I now know we're filled with love, they glanced down to my lips in a silent plead for a kiss.
I lifted the creeper head up, letting you see my face clearly. I nodded, letting you know that I needed this like you did.
Your lips crashed into mine the moment you were given permission. You tried you're all to put everything you felt into me and it worked.
And right then I knew I'd love you for eternity.
My Dear Player.