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Sore bodies always had ways of piling up at night when it was cold. Laura Lee felt especially stiff, laying against the wood floor. Shooting hunger pains sucked out every bit of energy Laura had left after the sunset. Days were much shorter now, with the ever-lasting winter raging on, biting into bones, seeping into her very soul. Just when Laura thought she made it through the worst of it, more tragedy came barrelling her way. It always did. She survived two plane crashes now, for fuck’s sake. There was no way she’d let the cold be the death of her now. Not after everything. Not after Jackie.
Laura Lee forced herself to sit up, groaning as she limped toward the frosty pail left out on the table. Like a desperate animal, she gulped down the one thing that had been filling her stomach for days: water. Sweet, dirty melted snow. While wiping her chin, She saw Lottie perched by the fire, sat on a stool like you'd imagine an elk would, a bit too lanky and awkward for the tiny, lopsided seat. Laura joined her after a moment of creeping forward, choosing a proper chair to sit on.
They both stared at the dancing flames, hearing nothing but the crackle and pop of the damp greenwood. Soon, Laura Lee opened her mouth. “Can’t sleep?” She asked after a minute stretched too long, breaking the silence with a dry, hushed tone.
“No. I’m just… thinking.” Lottie’s eyes refused to leave the fire, echoes of orange and yellow reflecting in her pupils. She was so still Laura could swear that she wasn't even breathing.
“Don’t get into your own head too much. We’re fine.” Laura Lee tried to console Lottie, but a schizophrenic can tell when someone is talking to themself.
“We’re nowhere near fine, Laura. We…” Lottie had to pause for a moment, shaking her head as she refused any semblance of comfort. “I can’t even process it all.” She sighed breathlessly, returning to search the sooty fireplace for answers.
“Well, no, maybe not. But we can pretend to be. Just for now. I’m sure it doesn't want you dwelling every night, refusing to sleep.” Laura Lee knew that Lottie wouldn’t accept another speech about going home soon, let alone being told that ‘it’s all going to be okay’ after she ate her friend. Instead, she simply reached out, placing a gentle hand over Lottie’s knee.
“It doesn't want us to move on and forget about this. We can never forget this.” Lottie picked at the skin on her arm, scratching like she had fleas. “Don’t you understand?” She suddenly craned her head toward Laura, her face blank. “She lives with us now. That’s more important than pretending.”
Laura Lee froze, meeting Lottie’s gaze with a shudder. Her own jaw was slack, empty of words as she let out shallow breaths. “I don’t think I could if I tried.” She uttered finally, swallowing the frog in her throat.
“That’s a good thing.” Lottie nodded as if she was gifting Laura Lee the right to remember. She put her own hand over Laura’s, cold and constricting, holding her firmly in place.
The touch – the rare feeling of skin on skin – visibly ignited something in Laura’s chest. She rushed to snuff it out, turning her face away, but Lottie was insightful enough to know. Wind blew up against the wooden walls of the cabin, and Lottie seemed as though she needed to say something now, something she had been holding back, ready to explode like a ticking time-bomb. Yet, she waited for Laura Lee to release the tension.
“What’s wrong?” Laura Lee questioned finally, knowing that Lottie wouldn't speak first. She managed to control the heat rising on her flesh.
Lottie drew back, her lips curling up as if she would growl. “No.” She seemed to refuse her own thoughts. “It’s just my emotions. It doesn’t matter.” Her actions contradicted her words, as she leaned closer, sharing the warmth.
“You’re our prophet. Tell me your thoughts, so they don’t… interfere with the wilderness’ messages.” Laura Lee spoke earnestly, but Lottie looked at her with a new expression.
“I won’t ‘interfere’ with what the wilderness wants– Its messages are distinct from my mind, Laura.” Lottie turned away, Laura Lee’s words making it clear how she thought of the wilderness.
Laura Lee sighed, resting against Lottie in defeat, giving the world’s smallest nod of agreement. She was quiet for a second, but it wouldn’t last. “But, you have to tell me. What’s wrong? Seriously this time.”
Suddenly, Lottie was flushed too. “It really was just me.” She dismissed quickly, “I dunno, teenage hormones. That’s what I always blame it on.”
“I’m sorry, too, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Laura consoled, bringing a degree of normalcy to the conversation. If there was one thing everyone in the cabin (apart from Ben) could agree on, it was the torture that was teenageism.
“No, not upset. Please don’t blame yourself for it. It’s just, like, the week before my period. Any… touch, it just… it’s like electricity.” Lottie hoped that Laura wouldn’t hear her casual bluff. It certainly wasn’t her fist time pretending to have a period.
“We can hug it out.” Laura Lee joked with a chuckle, huffing a stupid laugh.
“I don’t think you understand what I’m feeling.” Lottie sighed, drawing back onto her stool like a shadow trying to escape the sun.
“Sure I do. Alone, cold, touch-starved. Maybe just... overall starved.” Laura Lee wouldn’t let Lottie melt away, getting up from her seat and holding both hands out to Lott for her to take.
“Well… yes, obviously, but also… not what I mean. Jesus, Laur, I’m horny. I’ve not had a moment to myself since we got snowed in for the hundredth time this month.”
“Oh. Shit. Right.” Laura’s hands fell down to her side. “You want me to go? I’m sure you can… duck into the kitchen, or something.” Laura scuffed her feet against the floor awkwardly, face red from the discussion alone. “I mean, everyone is asleep.”
Lottie shrugged, raising her knees to her chest. “I shouldn’t. I couldn’t. It’s too… close to everyone else. I’d feel like a predator, or something. Everyone else just seems so calm and collected. Maybe I’m just some deviant.”
“Oh, please,” Laura Lee didn’t mean for her tone to come off harshly, but Lottie received her words with a slight flinch. “You’re not some stalking weirdo. And, for the record, you’re not alone. I’ve been seeing Van mounting Tai all week. It’s like watching a pigeon in spring. And, hell, Mari was bullying Misty earlier because she walked into the wrong room at the wrong time. You’re too self-critical. We’re all just… adolescent girls.”
Laura’s word choice always seemed to crack Lottie up. “Yeah, okay, I guess. It’s… different for me, maybe.” She felt set apart
“You’re used to a handsome young chauffeur ‘helping you’?” Laura Lee dared to joke. She immediately caught Lottie’s offence.
“Oh, fuck you! That is repulsive!” Lottie coiled back, cringing. She hated the very idea, for more than the obvious reasons.
“What? Isn’t that what the rich do? You have to spend money somehow.” Laura poked fun at her, continuing to wind her up.
“Maybe old rich guys… I’m not…” Lottie’s shoulders dropped at the correlation.
“Women can do anything. It’s 1996.” Laura joked, “It’s equality.”
"Not the type of equality we should be aiming for. I do not hire prostitutes. I'm suprised that of all people, you would suggest that. shouldn't you preach about evil succubi coming to steal everyone's soul?" Lottie loosened up, arms dangling.
"God didn't save me from burning up in that plane. The wilderness gave me a second chance to stay here and live. God is something far away from here." Laura Lee suddenly looked very serious, thinking about her words carefully.
Lottie stared for a moment, the fireplace illuminating the surprise on her face. "You... really believe that? Even after valuing God for so long?"
"I have to admit, it can be a struggle. I've been raised as a good and faithful protestant. But... I strayed from it in the past. I tested my luck. It's hard to stop considering God, but the wilderness is helping me see more truth than ever before." The hesitation in Laura Lee's voice heightened the more she spoke.
"What could help you? To... forget about the church, about God, about your past?" Lottie asked, reaching out further.
"Maybe... the same thing as you. For a different reason... oh, what am I saying? Sorry-- fucking hell." Laura shut herself up quickly, covering her ruby face.
Lottie was dumbfounded, blinking as if she hadn't even realised what Laura Lee just said. "Are you asking me?" She huffed, regaining colour to her face. "Or just saying you need to jack off? Because either way that's kind of insane, for you at least."
"I don't know! My mouth was moving before i could realise i was saying! I'm too tired to think-- I think I should go back to sleep." Laura Lee tried to shuffle away, refusing to let anyone see her face.
"I'm not, y'know... refusing. Two birds with one stone..." Lottie hesitated too, rolling her feet against the floorboards.
"R-really? I've never even made out with anyone." Laura Lee felt like she had to admit.
"And I have? We're in the same boat." Lottie forced a laugh, realising she had a much bigger secret that would unravel.
"Really? But you're pretty, and cool, and..."
"I've not always been a girl" Lottie blurted out. Laura gave her a confused look. "I'm... a transvestite. Like, rocky horror? That's why I moved to Wiskayok for high school. I didn't want anyone to know about my... change."
"Your parents helped? I'd never have known--"
"They got all my legal things changed. And I used to take hormonal drugs before we crashed. They didn't care, but they understood. I think." Lottie finished.
"That's neat." Laura Lee said after a beat of silence. "And like, thanks for trusting me. I know not everyone gets it. But it doesn't change anything."
"Well..." Lottie hummed. "Wait before you say that."
Laura stayed still for a moment, glancing to the empty kitchen. She blushed again. "What am I waiting for?"
Lottie moved to where laura's eyes flickered, fading toward the shadows. The other girl followed soon after, making Lott hold in a chuckle. "Curious?" She teased.
Laura looked down, the shadows hiding her face. Lottie began by pulling her shirt off, goosebumps spreading over her skin. Laura Lee was immediately nervous, eyes glued to the floor. Lottie took her hands in hers, lifting them up to cup her cold chest as she floated towards her. The air was suddenly beaming with warmth. Laura Lee squeezed her eyes shut, quickly crashing her lips into Lottie's. She could feel slim fingers running up her shirt, along her back. With a breath, she mimicked Lottie's actions, and wrapped her arms around the taller girl's shoulders as she felt the chilling draft. Next thing they were both fighting to unclasp Lottie's colourful belt, and pull her jeans to her ankles. Soon the only thing Lottie had left was bow-tied underwear. Laura hesitated to wrap her fingers around the soft fabric, slowly pulling the cotton past Lottie's hips.
"This is an unfair power dynamic. I'm naked and all i've seen is your floral bra." Lottie whispered, giving Laura a lighthearted kiss on the shoulder.
"You'll be patient!" Laura lee blushed, smiling. She slowly kneeled in front of Lottie, using her discarded jeans as padding. She found herself comfortable before licking Lottie's thigh. "I'm going to be really bad at this." She warned, wrapping a hand around Lottie's soft dick.
"I'm more glad you don't think I'm an abomination." Lottie shivered, heat rising in her chest.
"It's cute. Kind of pretty. definitely better than the ones in those gas station magazines." She hummed half-jokingly, holding her lips against Lottie's silky skin. she placed the tip onto her tongue, drawing closer to Lottie. She groaned, running a hand through Laura Lee's hair.
Laura moved back and forth, carefully watching Lottie's expression as she went. It was well worth it, just to see a girl who was normally so composed unravel infront of her. Lottie couldn't take much more before throwing her head up and guiding Laura with a slight bit more force than necessary. Laura Lee felt something changing between her tights.