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„Can we talk?“ Shane asks in a short break of them kissing. Ilya had set him on the kitchen island so he could get closer to Shane. At the question he takes half a step back and with an exaggerated sigh he says „Fine, if you really think we have to and it’s more important to you than me fucking you. Come on, we can talk on the couch.“ Ilya starts walking further into the house with Shane scrambling to get off the counter and follow him.
Both of them now sitting on opposite ends of Ilya's couch, Ilya looks at Shane expectingly. „What do you want to talk about?“ Shane tries to find the words. He planned to have this talk for a long time but now that he has the chance the words are a lot harder to get out. „I-… I think… we have to stop doing this.“ Ilya looks at him with an impossible to read expression. Why does this have to be this difficult? „Stop what?“ He is really not making this any easier.
„We have to stop meeting up like this and stop sleeping with each other.“ At that Ilya opens his mouth but Shane is finally able to get words out and doesn’t think he will be able to continue if Ilya starts speaking. „Please just listen to me. I have always enjoyed the time we spend together. You never made me feel stupid for not knowing something. You always took care of me and made sure I enjoyed my time with you. I would love to have this for the rest of my life because I don’t think I will ever find something better than what we have. But I understand that for you I’m just one of many and I completely get that. But now that I understand that I want more than this it’s not fair for us to continue this.“ Shane takes a short break to breathe. All while Ilya is looking at him with pure shock his mouth hanging slightly open.
„I can’t give you what you want anymore. I want more than you want to give me and I really understand that but I needed to tell you this in person. Sometimes I regret giving you my room number that first time years ago. Not because I didn’t enjoy the time we spent together but because I don’t think I can ever have something this good but know that I can’t have it forever. And that breaks my heart. I will probably regret ending this right now for the rest of my life but it’s the right thing to do.“ Shane has to take another break to take a couple deep breaths before continuing. His eyes have started to fill with tears and he can’t find the strength in himself to look up at Ilya.
„I think I love you. I have never felt this way about anyone. You’re so much more than you show. Not just an asshole. You actually care about others and there is so much you show no one. And I wish you would let me get to know you but I understand that we are not anything so you don’t have to share anything with me. You have given me so much already and have always been amazing to me. I could not imagine anyone better to spend my time with. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me but I have to let go to not hurt you when I can’t give you what you want. I love you so I have to let you go. It doesn't help that you are the hottest person I’ve ever seen. I could spend every day just staring at you. I will probably always love you and I think that’s ok. Maybe one day I can find someone I can love about half as much as I love you and who also loves me back. Thank you for all these years.“ When he finishes Shane it’s tears running down and has to hold himself back from breaking into sobs. He could not look at Ilya while saying all this so he is surprised that he also has tears in his eyes. His mouth is open in shock while he just stares at Shane.
After about 30 seconds of silence that felt like hours to Shane, Ilya starts speaking in a voice so small Shane can barely hear him. „You love me?“ „I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want you to feel guilty about this. I just wanted to be honest. To let you know why this has to stop and-„
„I love you too, I think.“ Ilya interrupts before Shane can start rambling again.
„WHAT?!?“ Now it is Shane's turn to be left speechless. He did not expect this. He had gone through many possible outcomes for this talk. Any option from Ilya getting angry or trying to convince him to keep going to just showing him out without speaking another word to him ever again. Any option he had in mind would have hurt but it would have been ok one day. Ilya feeling the same was not an option he ever considered. It's not even that he didn't let himself think of it. His feelings being reciprocated was not something he ever thought of as possible.
„I love you too. I have for a long time but never let myself think about it because I knew you didn't feel the same way. I thought so at least.“ With that Ilya broke through Shane's thoughts. Now it was his turn to stare at the other in pure shock.
He didn't even realise that Ilya had moved closer when he asked, „Can I kiss you?“ His voice has never sounded less sure. Shane doesn't have any words to respond with so he just gives a tiny node. Ilya is on him immediately, kissing him with more passion than Shane ever thought possible. Both of them had tears streaming down their faces. „Fuck. I love you so much. I have never loved anyone like this.“ Shane can't do anything but kiss back. He only breaks the kiss to let out a sob before continuing. He never wants to stop kissing him in fear that this is just a dream that will be over soon. He wants this moment to last forever.
They keep kissing until both of them run out of tears and are just gasping for air.
After they sit there holding each other for a long time both their breathing evened out. Ilya is the first one to break the silence „Does this mean you are not breaking up with me now?“ The laugh that escapes Shane is still a little wet. „If you want to keep going but be a bit more I would like that.“ „So that means I have a boyfriend now.“ He follows this up by kissing down Shane's neck. Shane immediately loses every possible response and just melts into Ilya's touch.