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“Nats, I’m like. Really nervous.”
“You’re nervous?! Then what does that make me?”
“Full blown panic, I reckon.”
“Kentaro, please.”
One, two, three.
And out.
One, two, three.
And in.
“Please just…just sit down, okay?”
You’d think over a year of official dating would put Natsumi at ease enough to consistently use Kentaro’s given name. Even worse yet, that the prospect of being in his room should not make her entire body feel like it’s actively on fire. Plus, they had talked about this. Talked about how it all went down last time, taken everything painfully slow. Or was it painful? If it was, Kentaro never lets it on. He’s the most gentlemanly goof she’s ever known in her entire life, and here she is, on the verge of said panic attack.
And here they are. On Kentaro’s bed, which has been folded open from its sofa-state. With every intention of doing this thing, finally. All at her request.
That’s right. Natsumi had been the one to tell Kentaro that it was time, as long as he was ready, too.
“Like…for real, real? Under blankets and stuff?”
“How- how else do people do it?!”
Oh, what a mortifying conversation. Just like everything else in her life. Embarrassing giggles, awkward hand waves, and mortifying conversations.
But, Kentaro makes it all seem so much easier. Even when she’s all lost in her head and barely registering her outer world, he can come along and wipe it all clean with a grin and a blush and a dumb joke. Pat her on her cheeks, pinch her nose with a silly honk, accidentally kiss her on the eyelid, then press his forehead to hers and share in that nervousness. Like right now, he’s got her all gathered up in his arms, as if his embrace is the safest place in the world.
As far as Natsumi’s concerned, it is the safest place in the world.
“Do you think any of our friends’ve…done it?” she asks, quietly, then gasps, shaking her head and burying her nose into his neck. “No, no, wait! That’s so disrespectful to even think about.”
“Uhm, but like…I think at least some of them have,” he responds, a little wobble in his voice that really drives home how out of his element he is, too. It used to make her even more nervous, seeing him be visibly anxious, too, but now it actually helps. If he’s nervous, then she’s not being weird, because he’s very not-weird. “I don’t think it’s disrespectful to speculate, either. We don’t have to go into detail about it, but…yeah. I – yeah.”
“You – yeah?” she jokes, relaxing a little. She’d learned giving him light teases helped her feel more at ease, and him, too, because he laughs and squeezes at her waist a little, which makes her laugh more. “No, Kentaro, don’t –“
“Look, if I can’t tease you back,” he says as he rubs his nose against her neck, pinpointing all of her tickle points, “then I gotta get revenge somehow.”
“Oh my goodness,” she gasps out, wiggling and pushing away now, the laughter falling out of her. His hands that had been cradling her so gently are now on full attack, ghosting over her sides as he chases her further into the bed. She squeals, trying not to kick on instinct because the last thing she wants to do is hurt him, which she has in the past when he’s done this. It should have been a lesson learned for him, but like he’s said in the past, he doesn’t really learn his lessons. Not when he thinks it’s worth the consequence, like being totally fine with a heel to the gut. He dodges her when she reaches out to push at his face. “I am not a delicate little flower, Kentaro, I can take some light ribbing now!”
“Now,” he mocks, grinning at her as he climbs over her, “sure wasn’t the case when I made a joke about you and Honda, about how – “
“Quit that, nononono-“
“Mhm, gotcha,” he chuckles, resuming his tickle attack, until…
“Oh-oh!” she gasps at the bare contact of his finger tips on her waist, her shirt having ridden up enough to expose skin. He immediately stops and she wonders how she just sounded right now.
“Oh? Oh...” he exhales, breathy and eyes darting over their joined bodies.
“I’m, oh gosh, I’m sorry.” She reaches to pull her shirt down and he sucks in a breath, forcing her to look up. He’s still staring at that spot, his fingers clenching into a fist. “Oh…wait…”
“Natsumi,” he whispers, a sigh leaving him as his eyes drag back up. Their gazes meet and she sees how beet-red he is, possibly more than even her, which should be impossible. His lips pinch together, like he’s holding words on his tongue, and he rests his forehead against hers like he does when he feels a certain way. Those are his words, too, ‘a certain way.’ Can’t describe it, but it’s there and she thinks she feels it, too. “I’m so…I love you. A lot.”
“I-I-I-“ Goodness, she hates that the phrase still gets stuck in her throat, even now. She bunches his shirt in her fists and she hadn’t even realized she’d been gripping it in the first place. She inhales and exhales with purpose and says it back, “I love you, Kentaro…a lot.”
“Never get tired of that.” There’s a ghost of a laugh behind his words, like he wants to make a joke out of it to make things easier, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t and she knows- she knows. This isn’t a joke because it’s them, with all their gooey insides on display, in a way that should be shameful.
But she just can’t let it be.
“I want this,” she breathes out with every bit of courage she has stored away. Like a bank, she puts it away to spend later. It’s time to cash out. “I want to be with you for real, Kentaro.”
“You sound so sure,” he says, brushing his lips against her, “I really wanna believe you.”
“I know,” she sighs, tilting her head up so their lips connect. It’s almost strange, how it can feel so new this way. She pulls away just long enough to say, “Believe me, please.”
He groans her name as he pushes back in and she feels heat coil in her. Something she doesn’t entirely understand, but knows feels…well, amazing. Like he always makes her feel. Safe, but excited. There’s something very special about being exhilarated and knowing it’s going to be okay.
That’s how she feels with Kentaro.
He’s hers, he’s made that much clear. They’ve had too many close calls like this where he’s been so patient, so understanding. So happy to let her take the lead, so sweet when she tells him about all of her misgivings. How she can tell him all of her desires, what she wants, and he’s just glad she tells him and can do exactly what she needs of him. She doesn’t take one day for granted. People are scary, Kentaro is not. Natsumi has never believed in someone more than the man laying on top of her.
“Kentaro,” she manages to mumble against his lips, pressing her hands against his chest so he knows she needs a minute. He immediately reciprocates, pulling away, eyes popping open to scan her and her reactions. She smiles, cupping his cheeks in her hands so she can rub her thumbs against his cheekbones. He grins big in response, leaning into her touch, so sweet and loving. She wiggles a little to let one of his legs drop between hers, for which he looks down in surprise and caution. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of his consideration for her. “I am asking you…sincerely, will you please…uhm, please take the lead on this?”
She sees him visibly swallows, that smile dropping as anxiety pulls his expression down. She pouts out a lip, squeezing his cheeks together like he does to her sometimes. He smiles weakly, a huffed breath from his nose. “Nats…are you sure?”
“Very,” she says it quickly.
“Should we have like…a safe word or something?”
“Wh-what are you planning on doing?”
“Nothing! No, no, hold on, shoot,” he groans, his head dropping into the bedding under her so his face is buried. “That’s not what I meant.”
He's muffled now and she turns so her nose presses against his ear. “I can’t hear you.”
“I just-“ It comes out loud as he uncovers his face. “I want you to be able to express yourself, too, and not just…go with whatever my dumb brain decides on.”
“You’re not dumb,” she says it softly, running her fingers into his hair now. He huffs. “You’re so considerate.”
“I…I’m trying.”
“How about just…stop? Or, don’t. The usual things.”
His face freezes, like the gears are turning in his poor head. She blinks, eyes getting wider. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
“You did, kind of.” She gives him credit, combing her nails into his hair. He sighs, leaning into the touch. “You’re so good to me, Kentaro.”
“Natsumi,” he sighs, pressing his forehead to hers again, “I wanna give you the best, like better than anyone’s ever gotten. You deserve it.”
Her heart rate picks up like it always does when he sweet talks her. He’s so good at it. “Then…please…”
“If I do anything stupid, and I mean anything, just hit me, okay?”
“I won’t do that.”
“Then tell me to hit myself, and I’ll do it.”
“Kentaro…”
“Okay, okay.”
Suddenly, both of his legs are between hers, and her knees are completely apart. She does everything in her power to not make a concerning noise, like a loud squeak or some sort of cry. Everything in her body screams at her to run, escape this, but her mind forces her still.
She wants him. She wants this.
She’s felt turned on, she knows that. Knows what she’s feeling is the unfortunate combination of being horny and afraid. Because all of this is scary, but also something she wants to do with him. So, so much. And he’s so careful, the way his lips graze her neck and he lower himself gently atop her. It makes her heart swell, the care he takes with her, her comfort paramount in a way that she feels she doesn’t deserve, but he’ll tell her over and over again that she does. She is worthy, he tells her.
“I worship you, Nats,” he whispers against her neck, the side of his head pressing there like he’s hiding in his words. She gasps, her legs wrapping around his hips as she squeezes her eyes shut. “I’m down so bad, I don’t think you really understand.”
“I…I might,” she tries, her breathing coming out ragged, “I think I’m down just as…as bad.”
“You think so?”
She gasps again when she feels the lower part of his body press. She grips with everything she has, her legs and arms locked around him as she hums nervously, something she’d never do in front of anyone besides Kentaro. Never, ever, because it’s weird. But then he hums, too, pressing reassuring kisses all along her neck. “I’ve never…I don’t…I just…”
He chuckles and the vibration against her throat makes her whimper, her fingers tightening in his hair. “Yeah…that’s about where I’m at.”
“Incoherent?”
“Worse.”
Natsumi giggles, then sucks in a sharp breath when his arms come around her waist to pull it flush against his stomach. She feels the muscle there, not an entirely unfamiliar feeling, but still a bit new. Kentaro sucks a kiss into the crook of her neck, but is still careful enough not to leave a mark, which she quietly thanks him for, and he responds by telling her one day he won’t be able to stop.
The thought thrills her.
It happens in a rush, the sleeve on her shoulder falling down as he trails his kisses down. Her hands wander, experimentally and so curious, so cautious. He takes the lead like she asked and comes up to his knees, undoes the buttons on the top of his shirt and pulls it over his head, revealing his entire torso. She’s seen it, because they’ve all kind of seen each other a little more intimately on beach trips, but this –
It makes her breathing ragged, her eyelids flutter, her hand come over her mouth.
“C’mon,” he begs quietly, almost looking embarrassed, “don’t act like- I mean, you know –“
“I like it,” she manages to choke out, knowing exactly what he needs to hear because they’re at that point. That point even she can force it out, something she really believes, even if it’s embarrassing to say out loud. The way his cheeks pull apart with such a prideful smile makes it all worth it, anyway. She bites down on her lower lip, reaching out to press her palm against his abdomen, hot to the touch. She lets out a shaky breath and tells him, “I find you so attractive.”
“Gosh,” he laughs, falling forward so his elbows cage her in, kissing her cheeks with his newfound confidence, “make a guy blush, why don’t you.”
“Y-you deserve it,” she succeeds in saying, as hard as it is, especially with all the giggling she does as his lips tickle her face. She tries her best to kiss his back, capture some of those kisses with her own lips, happy he’s laughing along with her.
“Natsumi,” he laughs, finally pulling away enough so their little game ends, a warm smile on his face, “you make me so damn happy.”
She covers her mouth, feeling incredibly silly that tears begin welling up in her eyes. She wants so badly to tell him how happy he makes her. How full her life has become since he stumbled his way into it. That she can’t imagine herself without him anymore. He is her world, she thinks. She wonders if he knows it, even if she can’t express it as well as he does.
“You’re so sweet,” he whispers, pressing his thumb under the corner of one of her eyes, swiping the tear that pools there. She shuts her eyes, turning her head, and he pulls away her hand from her mouth so he can kiss her. She lets him, because how can she not.
His tongue slides against her lip and she immediately opens up to whatever he wants to do. Feels his hands push her shirt up just enough to expose her stomach. She reaches down and takes that initiative, because she knows he’s too respectful to push that boundary where it needs to go. Pulls it up and over, until she’s just in her bra, and she pushes him away. She giggles at his squeezed-shut eyes because once upon a time, she would have assumed it was because he doesn’t want to see her.
He’s done more than enough to convince her of just how into her he is.
What he’s doing is holding back. It’s time, she thinks, that she let him loose.
Finally, she reaches back to unclasp her bra and pulls it away, to the floor.
“Open your eyes,” she beckons quietly, trying to mask the shudder of her breath. Slowly, his eyes peel open and she braces herself for his reaction. She can practically see the swirls in his eyes, the catch in his throat as he looks down at her, shameless, because she lets him.
“Can…I…”
“Please.”
One hand that had been bracing next to her head lifts and gently rests on one of her breasts. Her fingers clench into the bedding below her, and now she shuts her eyes. She wants this, but she’s not sure she can bear to see his reaction. She reassures him she’s doing well, to please not take her fear as rejection, to please – please keep going, and he does. They’re finally there, and she loves him so much for the way he makes sure she’s as on board as he is.
So she tells him, again. “I love you, Kentaro.”
“God, I love you, Natsumi.” There’s no hesitation in his voice as he says it, his hand running down her stomach. Her eyes are still closed, because she’s in love and in fear, but she still enjoys it anyway, a little whine escaping her for it. “I…I’m gonna undress all the way now, if that’s…”
“Yes,” she breathes out, her eyes popping open now. Hates that sometimes, she feels likes she might be some pervert. But she’s been waiting to do this, too. He smiles weakly, clearly so nervous to as he lifts off her again, and starts to unbuckle his belt. She presses her fist to her mouth as she watches him, and he chuckles.
“Ah, this is…” He hangs his head as he stops, looking off now. She furrows her eyebrows, scanning what she can make of his expression. “It’s harder than I thought it’d be.”
“Isn’t it?” she giggles, because it’s too relatable, even though it’s just them. Natsumi and Kentaro. A couple for over a year, head over heels for one another, so cute it makes people want to die, she’s been told. And here she is, her breasts exposed for him, waiting for him to give another piece of himself to her. So she comes up on her elbows and tilts her chin up in offering. He smiles shyly, leaning down to kiss her, and she feels him shift around her, taking the rest of his lower garments off as he does.
“No more giggling or I might melt away,” he tells her as they part, and she can’t help it. Her eyes dart down and – wow.
“Oh,” she gasps out, taking the entire sight in more shamelessly than she thought she would be capable of. He rubs the back of his neck and she looks up, blinking.
It steels her resolve. Quickly, she reaches down and shimmies out of her skirt without his help at all this time. His turn to gasp in surprise, leaning away from her as she makes quick work out of it, not letting this courage slip away. “Oh, okay –“
“Please tell me this is okay,” she almost begs it, because she needs that reassurance.
“Okay? Okay?” She bites her lips together as he looks down, looking nearly paralyzed in wonder. “So okay, more than okay, I, wow. I think you broke me, like, genuinely.”
“No breaking, not now!” She’s surprised at herself, the way she snaps and he looks up at her, finally making eye contact again. A surprised giggle bursts from him and he dives down, his arms securing around her waist again as he takes her into a brand new kiss. One where they are completely bare and she feels his skin against hers, bare arms around her back, legs and limbs and chests and it takes it everything to convince herself to not pass out, as if she has any choice in the matter. Because it’s all so real, so raw, so close. If she felt she was on fire before, she’s electrified now.
“Kentaro,” she gasps his name into the kiss when she feels him against her, really feels him. The press of his cock on her thigh, so, so close to her center.
“Yeah, holy shit,” he groans, pulling away to catch his breath, “that-oh, that’s gonna live in my head forever starting now.”
She almost wants to tell him to stop joking at a time like this, but she realizes that joking at a time like this is extremely them. The giggle that erupts from her makes him laugh, too, and it turns into a moan when he pushes in a bit, more of his cock sliding against her pussy, and they both bow their heads with the feeling. Then, he starts pulling his hips back, then pushing in again, so she can feel how it slips against her and – oh no. She’s not sure how much she should like this, how much is appropriate to like this. But she likes it.
“M…”
“Huh?” he questions, ragged as he keeps going, his nose pressing into hers as he chases her lips with his. She moans into the kiss, unwilling to say what almost slipped out, until he stops. She whines as he pulls away slightly, his hips retracting just enough to make her feel…needy, she thinks. “Don’t get quiet on me now, Nats.”
“Please don’t make me…” she whispers, turning her head away as she reaches up to cover her mouth. He beats her to it, pulling that hand back down. She blinks up at him now, on full display as he looks at her with all the hunger a man can have for someone else. It makes her feel so -
Well.
So desired.
So she gives in. “Please…m…m-more.”
She sees his eyes grow, scanning her entire revealed body before he looks down definitively, his cock pressed against her opening already. Then, he takes himself and she grits her teeth because while she may be shy and meek, she knows about sex – and braces it for it –
But he doesn’t shove in like she thought he would. Like any boy would, she would have thought. Instead, he slides against her, gently pushing the tip against her opening, which still hurts like she thought, but not in a way that feels truly painful. Like opening her mouth a bit wider, she thinks, and then he –
“OH!” she gasps when he slides two fingers over her pussy, spreading whatever wetness had accumulated there. He doesn’t let up, either, slowly rubbing circles there, occasionally hitting a spot that makes her body jerk in response. And he’s still not really inside of her, she realizes, and she feels confused, and turned on, and desperate.
“You’re so perfect,” he grunts, his eyes seemingly fixated on her vagina as she bucks her hips up, chasing whatever feeling he’s introducing to her. She wants to cover her face and moan into a pillow, it’s just so much. He keeps teasing where she thinks her clit might be, something she hadn’t had the confidence to experiment with, but she’s pretty sure he might be playing with. It’s all so much, it makes her want to scream in a way she’s never done.
So she reaches up for him, beckoning him down with her fingers, and when he looks up to see, he obliges immediately. He’s always been so good at that, since they started dating. Once he knows what she’s asking for, he will see to her without hesitation. This is no different. His hand leaves her pussy as he falls forward, gathering her up in his arms again as the tip of his cock continues to tease her, and finally, she cants her hips upward to encourage him.
“Sure you’re ready?” he asks, breathless, cradling the back of her head with one hand as his lips ghost over hers. She nods, brushing her lips to his, and he sucks in a shaky breath, slowly pressing in. She squeezes her eyes shut and pushes her head back into his hand, little sounds leaving her as she tries to be quiet. “God-Natsumi, please tell me if –“
“Don’t stop,” she gasps out, pulling his head into her neck so his face buries there. It’s all she can do to not squeak, or cry, or whatever sound wants to escape her. “Just don’t, p-please.”
“Anything,” he groans into her neck, pushing himself completely inside her until she’s full. Completely connected. “Tell me anything and I’ll do it. I’m so-I can’t –“
He’s babbling.
He’s babbling and it’s beautiful, she thinks.
His hips pull away, and then back in, and she shudders under him. Their breaths come out ragged together, his hot on her neck and she hopes he doesn’t mind hers in his ear. The way he keeps praising her and loving her makes her think not, though.
“You’re so good,” he gasps against her, his hold on her impossibly tight, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. She almost cries from how good it feels. The initial pain is nothing compared to feeling so connected to him, to feel so full and so loved, so grateful for someone who treats her like nothing short of a goddess, and says it out loud. Kisses her all over and becomes lost in her, like she loses herself to him. “Nats, god, I’m – I don’t, you said, you said you were – is it –“
“Yes, I am.” She would almost giggle if she wasn’t so overcome with desire and want. “Please, Kentaro, don’t-don’t pull out, I want it, I want you – I really do, I want this and, and – a-and-“
“Oh fuck, okay – “
He gasps as he pushes in one last time, definitively, and she feels him pulse inside of her. She can’t help but focus on the full body feeling, the way he twitches a little, his fatigued breathing, the heat of his skin, the way he encompasses her completely. And the swear – oh my. That swear will live in her head forever, possibly. He’s a good boy, she thinks, he doesn’t go that far.
But he has now, and she feels his body lose all of it’s energy in real time. Her legs come around him again, arms too, cradling him against her. God, she loves him. She loves him so, so much, and it’s so clear in the afterglow, she thinks.
“I’m so in love with you,” he whispers, his voice nearly gone, his nose nuzzled into her neck. She smiles, big, and lets the tears finally fall, because if this isn’t a reason for happy crying, she’s not sure what is.
“Thank you,” she murmurs into his hair, squeezing her arms around him.
He squeezes back, and if she died like this, then that would be alright.
If it wasn’t for the fact she doesn’t think she’ll ever get enough of this.
“Thanking me,” he chuckles, dragging himself up just enough to rest his sweaty forehead against hers. “Don’t ever thank me for giving me the gift of a goddess, you hear?”
“You’re so silly,” she sighs, her heart still racing at the way he looks at her with such loving eyes.
And he kisses her, slowly and gently. So much so, she might as well melt away. And maybe she should, but again.
She doesn’t think she’ll ever get enough of this. The way he holds her so tenderly and caresses her body, he’s already convinced her that he won’t ever get enough of her, either.
She doesn’t want him to.
Natsumi truly believes being in love is easy when it's with Kentaro.