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Astrid's furious diatribe died on her lips as Toothless landed on the deck outside the stable. Hiccup was slouched over the saddle, deliberately not meeting her eyes. "Come on," he muttered to Toothless. "To the hut." Toothless groaned and refused to take off. He cast a worried draconic look to Astrid, who hurried forward.
"Hiccup," she said. He glanced at her; he'd been crying but he'd tried to hide it.
"I'll come down for dinner soon," he said hoarsely. He tried to force Toothless to take off again, but his dragon flopped down definitively.
"It's already over," Astrid said. "Where have you been?"
"Flying," Hiccup said shortly. He winced as he let go of the saddle and flexed his fingers. "Shit," he muttered, almost too quietly for Astrid to hear. His skin was much paler than usual; it looked like his hands were paining him.
"Are you okay?" Astrid asked.
"Fine," Hiccup snapped. He blinked, then deflated a bit. "I'm fine. I just want to go up to my hut, if someone felt like taking off." Toothless grunted, unmoved and unmoving.
"Come inside." Hiccup stiffened as Astrid put a hand on his arm. "It's a lot warmer in here. You didn't bring your cloak?"
"Didn't think I'd need it," Hiccup said. He still wasn't meeting her eyes. Astrid took a deep breath; she'd have to push him. He never liked telling her what was really troubling him, but after that failed mission…
"Inside," she said with as much authority as she could muster. "I have some rations in there. And there's a fire going."
After a moment of seemingly intense internal conflict, Hiccup stiffly dismounted and followed her to the stable. Toothless ambled behind them and flopped down in the pen he rarely used as Astrid pointed to a chair by the small fire. Hiccup slouched into it and stared into the flames.
"Well?" Astrid asked after a few moments.
"Well what."
"Are you going to tell me where you were?"
"No," Hiccup muttered.
"Hiccup," Astrid began wearily, "you need to confide in someone who speaks the same language as you at least a bit. Toothless is great, but he can't help you solve everything."
"I don't want to talk about it," Hiccup said, slouching lower. He was decidedly sullen now, which grated on Astrid's nerves.
"Too bad," she said, allowing a bit of her own frustration to color her tone. Hiccup glanced up at her and back to the fire. "I'm your second-in-command, which means you can't just vanish without telling me where you're going. What if you got hurt, or shot down?"
Hiccup didn't answer, eyes still on the flames. Toothless was watching the human confrontation worriedly with his chin on his paws.
"Dammit, Hiccup," Astrid snapped after another silence. "It's not fair of you to shut us out like this! To shut me out! You can brood over stuff all you want, but when it affects the good of the team—!"
"Look," Hiccup interrupted, his temper heating up like hers, "it doesn't matter where I was today! I came back, alright? Everything was fine! Gods, why are you pestering me about it right now, anyway? I just want to go to sleep, Astrid!"
Astrid whistled. Stormfly, asleep mere moments before, leapt to her feet and followed Astrid's waved command to plant herself directly in front of the door. It was mostly a gesture; the back exit of the stables led right up into the Edge by some stone stairs, but it was a meaningful one.
"You're not leaving here until you talk to me," Astrid growled. "I don't care if that takes all night, Haddock."
For a moment she thought Hiccup would explode. Then he put his head in shaking hands and sighed.
"I was looking," he said, muffled.
"Looking for what?"
"Him."
Silence fell again.
"Him," Astrid said. "Looking for Viggo Grimborn."
"Yes," Hiccup said, head still down.
"All day?"
"Yes."
"Gods, Hiccup," Astrid said, moving to sit closer to him. "Did you eat at all today? Agh!" She'd touched one of his hands; they were like ice. "You're freezing!"
"A bit." He let her bring his hands closer to the flames and winced as warmth slowly crept over him. "Ow…"
"Take it slow," Astrid muttered. "Don't burn yourself. Why, Hiccup?"
He hesitated, then sighed again, eyes closing. "I have to find him, Astrid. He has the Dragon Eye. We can't let him keep it. He's g-gonna go to Glacier Island, kill the Snow Wraith for a tooth, then he's gonna have all that information on dragons. He'll hunt them all."
"I know you feel like it's your fault," Astrid said.
"Because it is," Hiccup interjected.
"It isn't," Astrid corrected. "He caught us by surprise. It won't happen again. It's his fault that he's a dragon hunting murderer."
"I brought the Dragon Eye, I got hit with the Flightmare mist, I let him take it," Hiccup recited as if off a mental list.
"Hiccup, no one is blaming you," Astrid said. "Can you please believe me?"
"I'm blaming me," Hiccup muttered.
"Then stop."
He snorted and managed half a grin. "Yay, that worked."
Astrid rolled her eyes. "Look, if you won't listen to me for your own sake, then do it for Toothless. If you've been out all day, then I bet he's exhausted." They both looked around to see Toothless fast asleep, tongue lolling. Astrid sensed the worry from Hiccup and seized it. "See? He's tired. Tomorrow, we can talk more about handling this strategically, okay? You're not helping anything by pushing yourself like this."
Another silence, then Hiccup sighed. "Okay. I guess."
"Good," Astrid said. "Are you hungry?"
"Not really."
"You will be later. Take these." She handed him a bundle of food. "Want a lift to your hut? I think Toothless is staying here."
"Sure," Hiccup said. He suddenly sounded as exhausted as he looked. She put an arm around his chest and tugged him up from the chair. He leaned on her as they approached Stormfly.
Astrid vaulted up first and Hiccup hauled himself up behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and put his forehead on her shoulder. Stormfly stood, rustled her spines, and emerged from the stable to take off. The flight was little more than a few flaps, and before long, Hiccup was sliding off Stormfly's back at his door.
"Do you want me to come in?" Astrid asked.
Hiccup looked up at her, and even though he was as tired as she'd ever seen him, he managed a small smile that looked more like himself. "No, that's okay. … Thanks, Astrid."
"Get some sleep," she ordered. "And tomorrow we can work on this. Together."
"Together," he agreed, and vanished inside.
After she heard his mismatched footsteps climb the stairs, Astrid nudged Stormfly into flight. It galled her to see Hiccup like this; so single-mindedly obsessed with his perceived sin. Didn't he know that his attitude affected them all? Didn't he see the way they all looked to him?
If he didn't, he'd have to learn. If he didn't learn, how would be be as a chief? As usual, Astrid suppressed the whisper of resentment that told her she'd make an excellent chief, and that she should talk to Stoick about it…
She sighed. "Tomorrow," she muttered aloud. "We'll deal with it all tomorrow."
And as she lay in bed, staring restlessly up at the ceiling above her and feeling her thoughts swarm and circle like so many eels, she knew that Hiccup was nearby, doing the same.