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It burnt, it burnt like it always did. It was tired. Redundant. It smelled like ash and pain. It always did. It stank of dying flesh and blood. Gnarled twisted stone fingers laced through skin. It always did. Animal fear wracked through, screams and silence. Spinning ceaseless vertigo. It froze. It was freezing cold. It always was. A prison cell. Falling. Falling into... huh. Stillness.
Something shuffled. Something... was moving. Breathing? Stillness. This was no longer a dream, it was obvious. Hot. Too hot. Too... hot? Movement. Dragging along skin. Sensed it in two places.
“Eddie..?” mouth and throat dry. Didn't need to say it, but it was easier.
“What do you want?” Eddie snapped. He flopped over. Zato couldn't feel any particular shape from him.
“Could ask the same.” Zato replied. “It feels hot. Do you feel hot?”
Can't sleep. Eddie switched to replying mentally. When he spoke like that, it sounded like it was coming from simultaneously everywhere and nowhere.
Zato carefully felt out for a glass on his bedside table, gently tilting it, only to find it was empty.
“Did you..?”
Yeah.
“What's with the tone?” Zato's own was neutral. He sat up and turned, grabbing the cold glass. He then stood, probably a little too fast, and ran his hand along the bed as he walked along the route to the kitchen.
You.
“What does that even mean, Eddie.” Zato was now beginning to get frustrated. He felt his hand bump the door frame. He stepped out and continued to follow the right wall. He usually didn't need to, but he was uncoordinated from being tired and Eddie was choosing to be unhelpful. The masonry was cold under his fingertips, which landed in a line between stones.
“You!” Eddie was back to words.
Zato shook his head and decided to ignore him. He felt Eddie start to take a prickly sharp shape in retaliation. He was trying to be threatening. It didn't work. The kitchen was found, the hum of the fridge being the sign, and he ran his palm across the counter until his fingers dipped into the sink. Eddie had done the opposite of calm down. Zato sighed. He had an idea of what was coming.
“If you wish to take out your frustrations out on me, please afford me the kindness of a drink first.” He resigned.
Eddie exploded into another angry shape but quickly smoothed back down without saying anything. Zato held the glass by the rim allowing his fingers to rest inside of it, feeling for the spigot with his middle finger and reached for the handle with his other hand. He turned the knob once he was satisfied with the position of the glass, and let the water run. Zato could feel Eddie rummaging through the fridge in the mean time and, subsequently, make a completely off topic mental note to go to the grocery store soon. It came with such clarity it cut through the interference between them and lapped up on Zato's subconscious. Eventually, he felt the water meet his fingertips, paused the flow to take a sip, and filled it once more before retracing his steps back to the bedroom.
Gingerly, the glass made it's way back to the nightstand. Zato crawled back into bed and laid on his back, folding his hands over his stomach.
Take your shirt off.
Zato was taken aback by this request.
“...what?”
Eddie started snaking and pulling at it. Goin' deaf too?
Low blow. He raised his arms. If Eddie wanted it that bad, Eddie was doing it. Zato felt the fabric get peeled off and then the soft thump of it hitting the floor. It did help with the heat, at least.
Eddie made some inhuman sound. A weird tension swirled within him.
Touch yourself. Eddie snarled.
Zato sighed into the air. Hmm, so that's what this all was about.
“Eddie, It doesn't work anymore.”
“LISTEN to me.” Eddie's voice came from next to Zato's ear.
Zato ran a hand over his face. This is what felt like the millionth time having this argument. “Don't get mad at me when nothing happens. It's not my fault things are...” oh.
Understand? Eddie was too mad to be proud. Have sex with me.
He could feel it. Dimly, barely, but it was something. Of course it was... that... Eddie was focused on, but the implications were not lost on Zato. After seven years.
Seven. years. Eddie was thinking the same thing.
“Okay.” Zato swallowed. He didn't really remember how any of this worked, but Eddie certainly seemed to. As soon as he gave that bit of consent he felt all sorts of pricking, scraping, and tingling consuming his lower half along with the drag of his pants being pulled off. Eddie was rough and quick to the point with him in the way Eddie always was.
Do you have any idea. Eddie breathed hard, suddenly throwing all kinds of unfocused stimulus at him all at once. Do you have the slightest idea how much I needed this.
Zato laid still, mostly confused, fists suddenly clenching at his sides from his body trying to endure how massively unpleasant it was. He supposed Eddie didn't actually remember either. Instead of immediately throwing Eddie off of him, he knew he had to just let him run his course, and that course ran quickly when Eddie realized he wasn't actually achieving anything. He inevitably got all mad again, and sent a massive jolt of pain through Zato's body as a side effect of it.
“Eddie-” Zato barked, beyond holding his tongue. He felt Eddie flinch and withdraw, partially his own reaction and partially Zato exercising control. He leveled his tone again. “You need to relax.”
He supposed Eddie was now in the mood to listen.
...Sorry.
Zato exhaled. He tentatively reached his hand back down and gave exploratory touches. It was a little strange, suddenly this all was connecting to something in his brain. Previously, in the space of time between his resurrection and now, Eddie - and sometimes himself - would try and try to get anything out of it. Ultimately, it was to no avail, the lack of any emotional connection to the act of it left it short, massively underwhelming. Even if completion was achieved, it was a mere release of fluid. A bodily reaction separate from the mind. This all just lead to more frustration than what was started with.
Eddie was starting to feel it now. His form wavering and beginning to melt around Zato, putting pressure on his thighs and hips. Zato eased into it, all the little things slowly coming back to him. He felt Eddie squeeze more around his pelvis and add input around his hand.
“That's... good...” Zato knew Eddie agreed.
Let me try again.
“Not yet.”
Come on...
“Be patient.”
I'll be nice.
Zato thought about this, sighing into a movement Eddie did. Part of him still didn't want to give Eddie that kind of control just yet, but giving a little faith wouldn't hurt, he supposed.
“...promise?”
Yeah...
“Okay.”
Zato moved his hand away and let Eddie do whatever it was he wanted. He was right in his trust this time, Eddie now more deliberate and actually paying attention to Zato's responses to his service, both of them a little more warmed up at this point. Eddie still wasn't relaxed per se, but instead of the weird raw rage he was expressing before, it was a relatively pleasant buzz of desire.
The last time they had sex was when they were both younger and angrier. Eddie was still actively trying to kill him, not to mention he hadn't died in the first place yet. The only thing close to this kind of careful tenderness was when Eddie had gotten him off through his pants once to help him focus on paperwork. Every other time Eddie would slam him in his quarters or drag him out to the woods, because, ultimately, he wasn't the one who had the power when Eddie got like that. Eddie would borderline violate his body with vicious intensity mostly for his own satisfaction, and discard him when he was done. Zato would never admit it before, but, deeply, he loved it. He loved when he had to limp himself through the next day dizzy and impossibly sore. He loved especially when he was found in the middle of the forest passed out the morning after because he had no strength left to move. He loved when he felt the stares on the bruises and marks left from when Eddie would throw him around or bite on him. He loved when his throat was so raw he could barely talk, but nobody would dare ask why. He loved when Eddie would go on streaks and do it all again and again and again night after night never allowing anything to fully heal. The rush of Eddie's sadism and Zato's masochism feedbacked and reverberated through each other's consciousness into the most crushingly addictive cacophony, consuming them. It was impossible for either of them to quit. Zato was ruined the first time he'd experienced it.
To Zato at the time, sadomasochism was deeply deviant behavior and should be shunned. The only right way to have sex was between a man and a woman in the positions of pious missionary, or maybe some respectful cowgirl. Doggy if you were feeling dangerous. He would preach this, repeat it in his head, put the practice of deviant sex down. If that's the only way you could climax, then you shouldn't reproduce. Eddie knew Zato was full of horse shit. The orgasms that wracked Zato's body when he was kissing the sweet lips of death threatened to send him tumbling right into it's gaping maw. Zato also didn't believe in nor connect with any of this outdated rhetoric anymore. It was pointless to. None of it really meant anything in the first place, rather just a fist-hold onto some semblance of tradition and control that he had convinced himself was the only correct way to live as something he could ground himself in. Millia started to float on the edges of his mind but Eddie forced her out as soon as she came.
Focus. You're distracted.
“Sorry,” Zato breathed.
You're thinking about how I used to treat you.
His hips twitched up into Eddie on their own. “Yes...”
You know how I could tell? Eddie prickled back up. He didn't wait for a response. It felt better just from you thinking about it.
“You want me to do it,” Eddie growled. He enveloped and melted into Zato's body.
“Yes-” Zato released a whine he held in his throat. The sound made Eddie ripple against him. "I do-"
“Say it.” Eddie demanded. “Tell me what you want me to do to you, Zato-One.”
“I...” His throat felt dry again. The words got trapped in it until he clawed them out. “I want... you to hurt me.”
Admitting he wanted it after all this time felt surprisingly... good. Like finally being able to tell a secret that had been eating you from the inside. Eddie was amused, vindicated.
“I thought you'd never ask,”
Eddie took a serpentine shape, he slid around Zato's body in coils, squeezing and pushing, pinning his arms to his sides, constricting him until his chest had barely enough space to fight breaths through it. Zato's hands tightened around the sheets that his fingers could find and he tilted his head back, pressing it into his pillow. Oh yes. That was the ticket. What was a fuzzy feeling was beginning to come more into focus with every half-breath. The dizziness that came with poor oxygen exchange traveled through his body and ended in his hips, emulsifying with the warm waves of pleasure, amplifying it.
“Eddie-” Zato gasped softly. His mouth was running before his brain. “Hands, let me- let me have my hands...”
Eddie didn't directly reply - he was a bit lost in his own world - but the pressure on Zato's arms temporarily changed into something that felt more fluid-like. Zato was able to slip out before Eddie regained his solid constriction, squeezing even more directly on his ribs. He could tell Eddie's head was tucked in the crook of his neck. Want. He was experiencing the feeling of want. His palms itched with it. He tentatively slid a hand over Eddie's head. Eddie writhed around him in response, forcing his breath out.
“Jesus... when did you get so soft?”
Zato considered this question the best he could, but was unable to think of an answer.
“I can sto-”
“No.” Eddie cut Zato off.
He faltered for just a moment, then his shape flexed and further melted. He rolled up higher up to Zato's neck, not strangling pressure, but just enough to feel the weight of something grabbing it. Eddie's whole body then became sharp like it was covered in thorns. Zato gasped, hands now both on Eddie's head, fingers laced into and grabbing through Eddie's form, desperate for something to cling to to keep him on earth. His head was going empty in favor of processing the new slew of pain and the pooling euphoria it brought in its wake. Eddie's own feelings also washed through him, he was now experiencing the familiar latent head-rush Eddie got when he was allowed to hurt something, especially him. It was dizzying, the experience taking all grasp of control over his nervous system and pushing him deeper and deeper into himself.
“Remember...” Eddie's breath was hot and ragged. “Remember when you had to talk to those diplomats and I hid in the collar of your shirt...”
Zato remembered. Eddie had been chewing and gnawing at his throat the whole time. He could remember how grateful he had been to be wearing a coat that hid the tent he had pitched. Instinctively his legs tried to push together at the thought, but Eddie slammed them back down. What felt like talons gripped and dug in between the muscles of his thighs.
“Remember how you had to keep it together? Remember how you begged me to fuck you after?” The edges of Eddie's teeth pricked Zato's neck.
All Zato could do was breathe. His body wouldn't listen to him anymore, and if it could, it was pinned in every which way. He felt like he was suffocating again.
Please.
A shivering flare permeated through Eddie's form. He growled through a twitch in his jaw.
Please. Please. Please. Please.
The begging stroked something primal in Eddie's psyche. He lost the ability to restrain himself.
The feeling of Eddie clamping down was so sharp and sudden that it completely cleared the fog, allowing him to experience it and everything else happening to him with so much clarity for the first time in almost a decade. It was like breathing after being sick. It was so much. It was overwhelming. His body was shaking and his senses sparked and collided into each other, and all of that now combined with the crashing waves of Eddie's own feelings causing the feedback loop to begin and-
“Eddie I'm-” His voice was faint, weak. “I can't- need-” None of the words he wanted were coming out. All the trains had crashed before they could make it into the station. Eddie knew what he was grasping for, though.
Cum for me, doggy.
Zato was good at doing what he was told.
The most sound he made was a short, cut-off whine before anything that held him together snapped and his whole body felt as if it was spectacularly imploding in on itself. Every movement fought against Eddie who had upped his ante, forcing him deeper into the mattress, grinding his teeth against his jugular and crushing his windpipe like he really was going for the kill. Zato's orgasm ran through Eddie and right back into himself, immediately sending him into a trembling mess once again with hardly a breather in between. All of this shorted out his mind. His blood rushed in his head. He felt as if he was floating on nothing, like he was sinking into a vast ocean, feeling light and heavy all over. Strangely, though, through everything, he was able to make out the feeling of hair being pushed out of his face. Eddie had also lost any meaningful ability to move, reduced to writhing and convulsing like a dying animal.
Eventually, without any more direct stimulus, the loop was able to decay until Eddies movements became gentle twitches and Zato was able to breathe again. Eddie eventually stilled and un-clamped his jaw, then went and melted into a different position entirely. It was quiet again.
You alright?
“Huh?” Zato was still dazed and fighting to catch his breath. He had to process the question. He had never been asked that before.
Eddie smoothed around Zato's sides and dragged a blanket over them. He felt Zato's breathing slowly begin to even out.
“Yes I'm... fine. Thank you,” His words were unsure, but he did mean them.
Eddie took Zato's arm and grabbed the water with it. He pushed up against Zato's back, sitting him up and putting the glass to his lips. Eddie dropped away and waited for Zato to finish drinking before returning it and laying him back down. Another long period of uneasy silence.
“You're holding me,” Zato commented.
Mmm- tryin' something... different. Eddie replied. Truthfully Eddie didn't realize he was, but he made no effort to change his position.
Zato laid with this thought for a while. He then traced a hand up to his neck. Sore.
“Is it bad?”
He felt Eddie shift. He was probably scrutinizing it. He flopped back down when he was satisfied with his analysis.
Nothing anybody would notice. Especially with that outfit you wear.
That was good enough. Though, Zato now felt an odd tension in his chest.
“Why are you being..." Nice was the thought. He couldn't bring himself to say the word. "I expected you to just go and leave me alone when you were done.”
Maybe... Eddie started, then bailed. He chose another thought. I don't know. I just felt like it.
Zato tilted his head to the side, clasping his hands and running his thumbs against each other.
“I don't deserve it,” Zato said simply, without much behind it. Eddie made a grumble of disapproval.
“We'll talk about that later.” Eddie rested his head on Zato's chest. He was not trying to get into that specific matter right now, it was another thing they fought over. “This whole thing is a pretty big deal, though. You should go visit them, sooner than later.”
By 'them' Eddie obviously meant Millia and Slayer, whom he already had on his list to inform about this development. Zato could feel someone else was also pinging in Eddie's head, though.
“...not him.” Zato's voice was just above a whisper.
Why not? You like him, he likes you.
“You don't understand, it's not like that at all. I don't think he wishes to see me, and I don't wish to overextend. He's moved on, he has someone he loves, he doesn't want to associate with his old life. I understand why he wouldn't. I don't feel a need to bother him in the peace of his own existence.” Zato rolled over onto his side. He deliberately avoided mentioning the obvious. “It's a bad idea. I don't see how that could help anything. In fact, I believe it would be actively harmful to him.”
You're compartmentalizing again.
“Stop... saying things like that. I just think...” Zato turned words in his mind, before deciding to speak his stream of consciousness. “I think it would be too emotional for him. Everyone knows how he feels about me. I don't want to be the reason he...” Zato hadn't realized how hard his grip had become. He made himself relax before continuing. “We're at a place I'm more than satisfied with. I don't want to ruin the good-will I've been graced with.”
You know I'm right.
Zato stayed silent.
I'm not trying to fight with you.
… Zato stayed silent.
Eddie draped himself onto Zato, who eventually gave up trying to resist him and just settled into it. He was tired. So tired, and now suddenly there was this whole returning factor he had to consider and fight through after he had come to terms with the nature of his life. Deeply, he was scared of it. He'd spent sleepless nights analyzing his life, coldly tracing through his decisions. He knew, at the core of it, his emotions are what turned him into who he was. His emotions drove him to commit his sins, his emotions that covered his hands in so much blood and anguish he could still feel it in the creases of his knuckles. His emotions were what drove him to create Eddie. His emotions were why he lost his sight.
Eddie seemed to pick up the thought pattern. He hesitated, then decided to wrap around Zato's body again, this time applying gentle, even pressure to him. Zato sighed a breath, the tension in his body slowly dissolving. He was so tired. He was so over it. It must've been late. He needed sleep. He was seeing Millia tomorrow whether he liked it or not.
He didn't want this.