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God forgives, but he shall not forget.
When grace is bestowed upon an individual, they are expected to take it and make it worthwhile. Second chances are not just handed out willy nilly, and should not be treated as if another will come again. You must want to change for it to matter.
Although you will not be turned away at the pearly gates for talking back to your mother, there is a chance God might click his tongue and reprimand you for all of your silly shortcomings. He is kind of like Santa Clause in that way— all knowing. Yet, even if God did forget when you scored low on your history test, a small town wouldn’t.
Being raised in such a close knit community felt as if they kept physical records of every misdeed you committed in your life. Your neighbor seemed to know that your father was going to yell at you before you even knew he was upset. Whether it was due to your own parents gossiping or not, the townspeople would quickly find out about whatever mishap you might’ve gotten yourself into. There was no room to falter.
You were born into religion, never knowing anything outside of Christianity and the house of God. Worship was your life, and if you said your first words were amen— no one would bat an eye. For some of the other girls in your town, Sunday meant fixed hair, lightly colored dresses, small heels, and expected smiles. For you, that was your everyday.
Watching the other teens come in with their parents on Sunday made you feel a bit out of the loop. The girls would whine and moan about how their feet hurt and they just wanted to go home, but you wanted nothing more than to be here— close with God, helping the elder members bring in their home baked goods, and pleasing your parents exponentially. You would often hear the talks of the other kids your age getting into trouble— mothers whispering about another woman’s child behind her back, yet yours never had to face such scrutiny. You got good grades, volunteered at the church, helped put on school plays, solely tended to the flowers in the church garden, and did it all with a polished smile.
Although you felt bad for the girls who would be asked “Why aren’t you more like their daughter?”, you truly did wonder why they didn’t want to follow the same path as you. Being helpful and kind brought warmth to your soul, and dedicating your life to God gave you a sense of purpose. Not belonging at school meant nothing to you as long as you belonged in the church.
The air felt sticky around you as sunlight funneled in through the church’s entrance windows. You stood next to your mother, who is actively chatting with Mrs. Decker— the current youth group teacher for the younger children— they went on about their newest sewing projects while you glanced around the bustling room. Sunday school and bible study had just wrapped up, meaning parents were lingering and children were complaining about getting home. During your scanning, your eye caught on the Rogers.
Sarah Rogers was a kind woman. A nurse with many late shifts, yet still finding the time to volunteer for multiple church events, bringing in delicious foods for the potlucks, and always seeming to compliment your hair when she saw you— it was no wonder people loved her. You were too young to remember when her husband passed, but you knew it was a sensitive topic to the town. It had been such a shock for a man that young to pass, leaving his wife to take care of their son on her own. You truly felt terrible for them. Standing a few feet away from her was her son, Steve Rogers. He was a kind boy, got good grades like you, and listened intently to adults. Yet, his reputation wasn’t as squeaky clean as yours.
Bucky Barnes was responsible for that defect. They were practically joined at the hip, so any situation he got himself in, usually resulted in Steve being dragged into it as well. Your father warned you about him specifically, pointing him out one day in the pews with a hushed, ‘That boy is trouble’ in which you nodded and didn’t think about it any further. He was older than you, meaning your lives didn’t have much overlap save for services and church events. Even with how small your school was, you rarely ever saw him there— but you weren’t sure if that was from him skipping, or you being too busy with studying and club activities.
You didn’t know much about Bucky, but what you did know is the girls loved him. When he showed up to church in dark polos and khaki pants, those brown locks pushed back semi neatly, they whispered amongst each other about how ‘cute’ he was. You always tried to see what they saw, yet no matter how hard you squinted or tilted your head, he still looked like every other boy to you. The one who did catch your attention, though, was Steve. His sweet smile, shy laugh, and pastel button ups always brought a flush to your face. Steve was a true gentleman, always giving you the time of day despite being a little out of your age group.
Even now, as he caught your eyes, he offered you a small smile and a wave. You mirrored his actions before shying away at being caught staring. Tuning back into your mother’s conversation, you heard them discussing a late lunch. Mrs. Decker wanted your family to join them in a few minutes, and you internally frowned. Hand coming to rest on your mom’s arm to get her attention, she turned towards you while still halfheartedly listening.
“I promised Mr. Hayes I’d clean up the bible study room and water the flowers, you have to go without me.”
She frowned at you before nodding, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear. “Alright. Do you need your dad to pick you up after?” her voice was soft, hushed as she observed your face. You shook your head no, explaining you would just walk. “Okay well, if you need anything use the church phone.” she pulled you in for a hug, placing a kiss to the top of your head. You bid your farewells, turning and making your way back through the large church doors. The Nave was almost completely empty now, only a few people having quiet conversations within the pews. You offered polite smiles as you passed, headed to the door on the left of the altar that lead into a hallway. As the doors shut behind you, silence filled the empty space around you, the whirl of the AC acting as a soft white noise.
Cleaning the room that held bible study was a piece of cake. Small amounts of organizing and vacuuming was never trouble for you, which is why you enthusiastically agreed when asked. Closing the blinds and heading to the door, you admired your handiwork with a proud smile. You flicked off the light, humming while you made your way down the hallway opposite to which you came. After pushing through the doors that opened to the back of the church, you soaked in the warm sunshine as it hit your skin. The sounds of birds chirping and the distant buzz of cicadas filled your ears, causing a bright smile to form on your face. You continued your soft hum, making your way to the wooden gate that protected the garden from the outside— creating its own little world within those wooden walls.
The church garden had always been a little neglected, until one day you took up the mantle of cleaning out the greenhouse, along with all the old flowerbeds. After a whole summer of work, you were finally met with the fruits of your labor. You had accidentally created your own little safe haven, a place where you could go when life was just a bit too dizzying. Sometimes you would pray, reading your bible while fiddling with your cross necklace— others, you would speak to the flowers; telling them about your life as if they were listening.
Reaching up, you went to unlatch the gate, only to find it already unlocked. You shrugged it off, assuming you forgot to lock up last time you came around, continuing your path inside as the rocks beneath your heels crunched with each step. Being so wrapped up in looking for the watering can, you almost completely missed the movement within the greenhouse. Yet, your ears caught the muffled sound of what you thought was a pained grunt, gaze snapping up at the source of the sound. From where you stood, you could only see the back of a person inside of the building. You were naive, but you weren’t stupid— you could tell it was two people fooling around. At school, you would simply turn your head away from the couples swapping spit outside, but something inside of you flashed hot with anger. They— whoever they happened to be — were doing such sinful and disgusting things in your space! In front of your flowers!
Releasing a small huff, you stormed your way to the door. As you pushed it open with a little more force than necessary, all the anger you were experiencing drained from your body, being replaced with something different.
At the new angle, you could see it clear as day, Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers making out on top of the workbench. They clearly heard you tear the door agape, heads turned towards you with wide eyes and heaving chests. Your heart felt like it had just stopped, heat prickling at your skin, and your tongue being too heavy in your mouth.
You moved first, spinning on your heels and immediately sprinting out of there as fast as you could. You didn’t understand. They were both boys, they were supposed to do that with girls— no! They weren’t supposed to do that at all! .. but if they were to indulge in premarital fondling, it should absolutely be with a woman. Feeling your ears begin to ring with something akin to white hot embarrassment, you almost didn’t catch Steve calling desperately after you.
Honestly, you should’ve been impressed with how far you made it in your little white heels before tripping and falling on your hands and knees in the grass. Sucking in desperate breaths as you winced, slowly brushing off your palms and inspecting the grassy dirt marks on your pretty dress.
Everything came crashing down as you pulled yourself to your feet, tears welling up in your eyes at the sight of your disheveled Sundays best, feeling lost and confused at the prospect of your silly crush being stolen by a boy. You trudged yourself home, soft sobs escaping you as you mulled over what you should do. Should you tell your parents? Confront the pair and tell them what they were doing was sinful? Keep your mouth shut and take it to the grave? You needed guidance— but you weren’t even sure if that was the best idea. The setting sun seemed as if it was mocking you, laughing about your internal meltdown as it squeezed out its last bit of warmth.
Stopping in front of the door to your home, you took a second to wipe your eyes and straighten out your appearance. You called out a sullen ‘I’m home’ before making your way up the stairs, wanting nothing more than to freshen up and get out of your soiled garments.
Unfortunately for you, the water works just wouldn’t shut off. You didn’t even know why you were so upset over this, was watching them be lead astray really that tear inducing? Back in your room, you slipped into your nightgown before looking at your reflection in the mirror of your vanity. Sighing softly, you rubbed at your puffy eyes. Okay, so all you had to do was sleep on it— pray for some direction, and hope you come up with the answer tomorrow. Easy Peasy.
During dinner with your parents, you couldn’t help but shrink in on yourself at the table. It felt like they could see you— see the secret you were unknowingly protecting— alienating you for not knowing what path to take. The shame sat like a rock in your stomach, making it extremely hard to get down any of the food on your plate. Your mother shot you a concerned look when you excused yourself, asking if you were feeling okay. With a small nod, you hurried your way back upstairs and to your room.
Once your head hit your soft pillow, it felt like you could finally breathe. Hands coming up to rub your necklace, you breathed rhythmically with closed eyes, calming the negativity today brought. After easing the guilt in your chest, you sat up, climbing towards the end of your bed before settling on your knees.
Closing your eyes once more, you clasped your hands together. Sucking in a soft breath, you began your nightly prayer.
“Heavenly Father, I seek your help in guiding me through this darkness. I-I don’t know what decision to make.. I need your strength, and wisdom. Please help me do the right thing-“ you squeezed your eyes shut even harder, stilling your breath for a moment. “Thank you for being with me.. and hearing my prayers. In Jesus’ name,” you let out a shaky exhale, “Amen.” Eyes fluttering open, you let your hands fall as your lips pursed into a thin line.
You flopped back onto your mattress, turning your head to the side to make eye contact with your stuffed bunny. A half smile etched itself on your face, plucking the plush from its spot next to you, holding it in the air above you with both hands.
“Do you know what I should do?” the black beaded eyes of the stuffed animal glinted in the soft glow of your lamp, looking down on you. Huffing, you hugged the bunny to your chest before rolling onto your side. Closing your eyes for a second, you let your mind wander back to what you had saw. Steve sitting on the workbench that held all of your seed packets and other gardening tools, Bucky in between the boys thighs with his hands resting on Steve’s hips. For the couple of seconds that you were able to see them together, the way they both licked into each other’s mouths seemed desperate— almost hungry. You had watched the shine of their tongues glitter in the sunlight, Steve’s hands desperately fisting Bucky’s gelled hair. As you thought back on it, a warm sensation began to settle in your gut, that you chalked up to guilt forming once more— having to tear your mind away after a beat.
You ended up praying once more that night, asking for forgiveness on their behalf. When morning came, you felt a dull aching in your bones— almost like your troubles were physically weighing you down.
As your dad dropped you off at school, you fought every urge within yourself to tell him what you saw and ask him what he would do. Through your morning classes, you made the decision. You were going to keep it to yourself. Part of you wondered if it was because you wanted to protect Steve, another questioning if it was due to the hot shame you would face having to confess that to an adult.
Deep down, you wanted to know if they were worried too— I mean, they had to be, right? Surprisingly, it didn’t take long for you to find out.
Lunch had already begun, yet you were just now coming back from creating copies for a teacher, clicking down the empty hall with your uniform shoes. In what felt like the blink of an eye, a hand grabbed your wrist, yanking you back into a dark supply closet— leaving you with barely enough time to yelp as your back hit someone’s chest. You blinked in the dark, immediately whipping around in confusion.
“What is happening?” your tone was filled with worry, high pitched and wobbly. The person slapped a hand over your mouth, shushing you effectively, moving to click on the light. As your eyes suddenly adjusted to the brightness spilling from the ceiling, you realized the individual standing in front of you was none other than Bucky Barnes.
The sight of him caused you to suck in a breath, freezing like a deer as he slowly retracted his hand. “I know what you saw.” his tone was accusatory, eyes narrowing at you as he spoke.
His words nearly punched the air out of your lungs, mind beginning to race a million miles a minute. Was he going to hurt you? Chop you up and scatter your remains around the forest to keep his secret? Maybe torture you for interrupting them befor—
Bucky must’ve determined that you weren’t going to reply, so he continued, “Listen, I need you to not say anything,” he scanned your face with calculating eyes. “It’s not that big of a deal for me, but Steve doesn’t deserve it, don’t you agree?”
All of the salvia inside of your mouth seemed to drain, tongue feeling heavy and preventing you from speaking— so you gave a hesitant nod. He nodded back at you, small smile growing on his face. “So, you just need to forget all about that,” he tilted his head as he spoke. “Can you do that for me?” Bucky watched your face shift for a second, giving the same rickety nod as before.
Clasping his hand on your shoulder, he smiled a little more sly, giving you a look of approval. “Smart girl.”
Your knees felt weak at the last part, and you assumed it was from fear. You watched with wide eyes as he made his way out of the confined space, holding a finger to his lips in a ‘shh’ motion while closing the door behind him. It wasn’t until he was gone that you allowed yourself to actually breathe, doubling over with your hands on your thighs as you attempted to calm your hyperventilating. The entire interaction nearly knocked you off your feet, head reeling as you replayed the conversation that you just had— or the conversation he just had with you.
Once your lungs were working on their own again, you started to observe the scent he left behind, hints of cinnamon and aftershave fluttering around you. That was probably the closest you had ever been to a teenage boy. You shut your eyes, thinking about the warmth of his hard chest pressed against your back, or how easily his hand engulfed your face..
You snapped your eyes open, realizing your thoughts were beginning to border on sinful. Shaking your head repeatedly, you mumbled out a ‘Sorry Lord’ before turning to leave the closet as well, continuing your original route to the cafeteria. Just as you reached the doors, the bell signaling the end of lunch started ringing, leaving you to huff out an annoyed breath. Not only did those boys soil your dinner, they ruined your lunch too— well, only one of them this time.
The rest of the day dragged on, the emptiness in your stomach distracting you in almost every class. As school let out, you practically sprinted out of the doors and down the entrance steps. You had already decided in your last period that you would stop to get ice cream on your way home, the parlor technically being on your way home. Skipping further into town, you felt a little bit relieved now that you didn’t have to make anymore hard decisions— no more futures in your hands. The bright colors of the ice cream shops exterior illuminated your face, causing you to smile softly as you pushed open the door. Just as quickly as it appeared, your face immediately dropped upon what you saw inside. Steve and Bucky, sat across each other in a booth while eating their respective treats. Just your luck.
You quickly diverted your eyes, hoping that if you didn’t look at them, they wouldn’t see you. Ordering your ice cream as quickly as possible, you didn’t dare glance back at the older boys. Your efforts seemed futile, though, as once you pulled out your wallet to pay, Steve was already handing the worker his own money. Snapping your eyes to his face, you watched as he smiled down at you. You couldn’t help furrowing your eyebrows, attempting to protest the nice gesture. Steve waved you off, grabbing the cone from the woman behind the counter and gestured for you to follow him. Letting out a soft sigh, you begrudgingly walked behind him as he lead you to the entrance door where Bucky already stood— holding the door open while licking the edge of his own cone. You wanted nothing more than to take off running, just as you did before, but that wouldn’t be polite.. especially after the kindness Steve had just shown you.
Steve was the first to sit on the concrete drop off, signaling for you to join him. You wordlessly sat down— farther than you would have in the past— folding your skirt under you. He handed you the ice cream, watching as you thanked him and began to shyly eat. Bucky came to the left of you, tapping your thigh with his foot, forcing you to scoot closer to Steve. Your cheeks began to burn as you were practically sandwiched between the boys, feeling trapped and expecting them to yell at you, yet they remained quiet. All of you ate in silence, head ducked and your eyes not lifting from your own treat, you were afraid they could feel the warmth radiating off your skin or the stuttering in your heart.
Steve spoke up first, “I hear that Bucky already,” he leaned behind you to catch a glimpse of the aforementioned male, sending him a glare, “talked to you.” You simply nodded, still staring at your lap. “He went about it in the wrong way, so I’m glad I get to apologize sooner rather than later.” Giving him a hum of acknowledgment, you occupied your mouth with the task of attempting to finish your ice cream. Steve said your name, glancing at Bucky who shrugged, sighing before running a hand through his hair. “Will you please look at me?” the desperation in his voice caught you off guard. Crunching down on the last of your cone, you slowly lifted your head to peer up at him, his mouth formed into a sad smile, the sight causing a slight pang in your chest.
“I’m sorry I didn’t chase after you. I was just-“ he let out a vacant huff of laughter. “I was taken aback. We both were.” Steve gestured to Bucky, who was already looking down at you once you turned your head to him. You nodded at Steve, guilt etching on your face once again. “I’m also sorry you had to see that,” that caused you to look back down at your lap, hand fiddling with your necklace as you bit the inside of your cheek. “I’m relieved it was you, though. Not someone else.”
Eyes flicking up to his, confusion washed over your features, clearly not knowing what he meant. Bucky picked up on the pause in conversation, finishing Steve’s fizzled out sentence, “He’s trying to say that he trusts you.” You whipped around to brunette, opening your mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Beginning to get frustrated with yourself, you sucked in a sharp breath before dropping your head in your hands. The pair watched as you had some kind of internal war, a soft whine escaping your throat as you tried to make sense of it all. Forehead still resting on your palms, you spoke, “So you two are dating.” It was more so a statement than a question, and Bucky couldn’t help the laugh that erupted from him. The blonde shot him another look, before quietly adding ‘Something like that’. You nodded in your hands before sitting back up and exhaling slowly.
Concern and understanding swirled in those beautiful blue eyes, causing any anger you felt about the situation to disappear in an instant. “I’ll keep it a secret. You don’t have to worry about it getting out.” your tone was soft, hoping it would soothe any worry in his mind. He offered you another smile, mumbling his thanks as he looked down at you. Suddenly, your mind remembered the other boy sitting next to you, causing your next question to roll out without really thinking about it.
“How long have you known you were.. you know-“ looking between the two, Bucky began laughing again, head tilting back obnoxiously as Steve’s eyes went wide, giving in to Bucky’s contagious laughter— his being so much softer and charming. Hearing them both laugh at your question made you want to shrink in on yourself, head dipping back down in shame. Your demeanor caught Steve’s attention, quickly calming himself yet continuing to smile. “Hey no- that’s a perfectly reasonable thing to ask!” his hand came up to rest on your shoulder, the heavy warmth sending a weird sensation down your spine.
“It’s just that uh-“ he looked back at Bucky for confirmation, the brunette too busy snickering to himself to notice, “we aren’t gay. We both like girls, we just like each other too.”
Your entire face scrunched in complete confusion, entirely lost at this point. Opening your mouth to ask more questions, you floundered helplessly as your brain started to short circuit. This was too much. “That makes no sense.” your tone was a bit pouty, eyebrows knit together as you looked at him with squinted eyes. Steve laughed again at that, nodding his head with a small ‘Fair’. Bucky took the opportunity to grab your chin, directing your face to him with a mischievous grin on his face.
“I can show you exactly what he means.” voice dripping with something that you didn’t really understand, Bucky earned himself a slap on the arm from the blonde. Yet even as Steve began reprimanding Bucky, you couldn’t help but gape up at the older boy. His words had some kind of weird effect on you, causing your cheeks to burn and your stomach to flip— would he really show you?
Surely not.
Blue eyes met your own— Bucky’s had a more silver look to them compared to Steve, but there was something captivating about that icy gleam— maybe you were starting to understand what the other girls saw. It was almost like the brunette was surprised to find you still staring, his expression faltering for a moment before it shifted back into his usual playful one, giving you a small wink. You looked away at that, absentmindedly chewing at your lip.
Steve’s voice caught your attention, bringing you back down to reality. “You can totally say no- but uh,” his gaze avoiding your own for the first time today, “we rented a movie and were going to my place to watch it… you’re welcome to come. Only if you want though!” You couldn’t see it, but behind you Bucky rolled his eyes at the other boys stuttering— you found his shyness endearing. Sucking in a breath, you tossed over the idea in your head before giving him a frown. “I really shouldn’t… I have to study. Thank you for offering,” softly breathing out, you suddenly regretted turning him down as his face flickered with disappointment. Before Steve could say anything else, Bucky threw his arm around your shoulders, dragging you closer to him in the process. “C’mon! I’m sure you could go one day without it,” his body pressing against yours and loud voice echoing in your ears made it pretty hard to think properly, so you let out a reluctant ‘Okay’ before allowing yourself to be pulled up by the brunette. They both smiled down at you earnestly, eyes brimming with something you couldn’t quite place, and you reciprocated their grins with your own shy smile.
Falling into step with the two boys, they talked and laughed amongst each other, leaving room for you to jump in if you wanted. As you all approached the door to Steve’s home, you couldn’t help but feel a little naughty. You were about to be with two boys, alone, watching a movie— it felt so scandalous.
Today was really throwing you for a loop. First, Bucky was dragging you into a dark maintenance closet, basically scaring you into silence— then you ran into the both of them in the most inconvenient way, having a pretty unnerving conversation with them sitting on either side of you— now here you were, walking into Steve’s home, about to watch a movie with the both of them. Too much was happening.
When Steve offered to grab your shoes, you hadn’t expected him to drop to his knees and begin taking them off himself. He was gentle, unbuckling the strap on each heel before slowly sliding them off your feet. Your face burned with embarrassment at how tentative he was, watching him smile as he stood up. Bucky had already made his way to the kitchen, grabbing a drink while the two of you lingered in the entrance. The brunette called out to you both, urging you into the living room with a half whine. Sharing a laugh with Steve, you followed him into his living area, rounding his couch before carefully sinking down. You sat rigidly on the middle cushion, Bucky on your right, and Steve on your left. You wondered why they insisted on you sitting between them, especially since they were supposed to be an… item.
Bucky leaned with his arm around the back of the couch, letting Steve take care of getting the movie going. Once the blonde returned to his respective spot, he shot you a smile before settling against the armrest. The intro of the movie was intense, and you soon realized it was a horror. You hated scary movies. Chewing on your lip, Bucky leaned in to pinch your side. You yelped at the contact, embarrassed by the noise that suddenly escaped you, looking at him with confusion in your eyes. He dipped down, mouth much closer to your ear as he mumbled to you. “What’s got you so stiff?” his tone was teasing, the hand behind you dropping to run itself up your back. You shivered, arching away from his touch as you stared at him with wide eyes. Grip finally settling on your left shoulder, he leaned you back against the couch, coming close once again. “Relax,” and with that, he pulled away, grinning at the tv screen. You swallowed harshly as you felt the place he was just touching tingle with some kind of phantom pressure, cheeks flushing at the sensation.
The brunette didn’t miss the way Steve quirked his eyebrow at the exchange, choosing not to comment on it.
You got about halfway into the movie before a particular jump scene made you bite back a squeal, frantically looking at the two boys who seemed completely unfazed. Sighing to calm the tightening in your chest, you settled on asking Steve where his bathroom was. He pointed a finger to the hallway on Bucky’s side, mumbling a soft ‘First door on the right’, earning a nod from you. You heard Bucky call out something about not falling in, causing you to roll your eyes while rounding the corner.
The lightbulbs above the sink mirror created a soft buzz, easing your nerves as you stared into your reflection. The weight of today was definitely starting to show. Drying your hands, you couldn’t help but wonder how much more of this you could take— anymore strain on your heart and you would keel over. Taking the chance to straighten out your tussled hair, you fixed your uniform into place the best you could, before finally taking a breath and leaving your newest safe space. Upon switching off the light, your ears picked up on the faint sound of something slick and strained pants. You furrowed your eyebrows, cautiously padding your way back to the living room.
Unfortunately, your distant worries were confirmed to be true. As you walked into view of the couch, you were immediately met with Bucky leaning into Steve’s space, sharing quite the heated kiss with one another while the movie remained paused and forgotten. Eyes widening, you sat in shock for a moment, breath stilling as you watched the scene unfold. Steve must’ve heard you, his eyes immediately snapping towards you, finally pulling away from the brunette. The sight of his kiss bitten lips and the pink dusting across his nose made your heart squeeze, forcing you to let out a shaky exhale. Mumbling a quick ‘I should go’, you immediately started beelining your way around the couch and back to the entrance door. A hand reached out from in front of the couch, catching your wrist and holding you in place. You could somewhat hear Steve as he made hurried apologies, but it felt as if he was miles away.
The older boy stood in front of you, holding both of your hands in his own, frowning down at you apologetically. He said your name, attempting to get your attention before starting, “I’m really sorry. We shouldn’t have been doing that,” the pointed look he gave Bucky was enough to tell who actually started it. Your eyes were blank as you stared straight ahead, trying to process what you saw and why it made you feel the way it did. Skin vibrating with what you believed was embarrassment, you felt your hands tremble within Steve’s. “We won’t do it again- I swear.” Bucky chirped out ‘Scouts honor!’ while doing a salute, causing you to let out a shy laugh. As Steve began coaxing you back to the couch, you felt the need to clear things up.
“I-I don’t have a problem with it..” your tone was meek, avoiding both of their eyes as the blonde paused for a moment. He gave you a quizzical look, urging you to elaborate. “Like- it’s not like I hate it because you’re boys! I just,” you shrugged, “hate it in general.”
Once Steve sat you back on the couch, you realized he placed you much closer to Bucky than before, immediately plopping down just as close. Both of their thighs pressed against your own, causing your brain to begin stuttering, the heat radiating off of them certainly not helping. Drawing you from your thoughts, Bucky spoke, “How come?”
Now it was your turn to look confused, tilting your head slightly.
“How come you don’t like it?”
You knitted your brows, questioning him with a small ‘Kissing?’, receiving a nod in return. It took you a second to gather the words, letting out a hum in acknowledgment as you pondered. “Well, even on top of it being a sin,” you squinted your eyes at him, “it just looks gross. All slimy… and suffocating…” shivering to prove your point, Bucky laughed at your words, fingers suddenly coming to trace up the side of your thigh. The touch made your breath hitch, looking down at his hand before staring back up at him with wide eyes. “I can definitely see why you would think that,” his tone dropped to something deeper, crawling up your spine and leaving goosebumps in its wake— “but that’s only because they’re no good at it.”
The smirk on his face made you feel flustered with embarrassment, and something else that you didn’t want to admit. Your lips parted slightly, listening to his words as if they were gospel, you quickly shook yourself out of the trance you were slowly falling into. “It’s still a sin,” you mumbled softly, dropping your eyes down to your lap, observing the press of them against you once more. Bucky let out a chuckle, fingers edging dangerously close to the hem of your skirt, occasionally pausing to toy with the fabric.
“So what you’re saying is, you’re not going to kiss anyone until you’re like 20 something? And married?” his words made you pout, looking at him with frustration in your eyes. “Yes! Because that’s the way god intended it. Just because you,” reaching a finger out to jab him in the chest, “can’t hold yourself back, doesn’t mean I will succumb to the same fate.” The unaffected smile on his face made you want to do a lot more than just poke him, but then you realized you had accidentally insulted Steve as well, turning towards him with a sheepish frown.
“No offense,” causing Steve to laugh as well, his hand coming to rest on your knee. “None taken.” Your attention was immediately shifted back to the brunette as he started up again, making you internally groan at his words. “But what if you kiss your husband for the first time and he’s terrible at it? Or! What if you’re terrible at it? Hm? Might cause him to rethink some things.”
You opened your mouth to quip back, but his words hit deep. He’s right— in a sense— what if you were terrible at it? The idea of rejection from your future husband made you suck in a breath, being left speechless from the boy. Steve kicked the brunettes leg, telling him off for saying something so cruel, but Bucky thought he was right. Kissing can really make or break a relationship.
Bucky took your moment of distraction to dip his fingers under your skirt, not straying too far, just rubbing at the skin beneath it. You chewed at your lip, turning your gaze back to him as you considered what to say. However, he beat you to it— again, clearly speaking without thinking, “So it’s safe to assume you don’t masturbate?” That earned him another kick from Steve, causing him to kick him back. You didn’t understand what he had just asked you. Your brows furrowed as you tilted your head, “What’s that?” tone whiny from confusion. Bucky paused, laughing in disbelief, giving you a surprised look before addressing the other boy, “Steve, help me out here- What do you bible thumpers call masturbation?”
A groan could be heard from Steve, looking over to find him running his hands down his face in frustration. “First of all, you go to church too- so don’t act like you don’t know anything,” he pointed a finger at him, “But, it’s like satisfying thy flesh.. I think.”
Another laugh erupted from Bucky, causing you to turn to him. You thought about Steve’s words. Yes, you had vaguely been warned about the temptations of personal gratification, but it was never anything you knew the details of. Shaking your head no, the brunette gave you a teasing pout while continuing his motions under your garments. “Wow.. no wonder you seem so pent up. You don’t let others touch you, nor do you touch yourself,” his tone teetered on mocking, “who’s supposed to take care of you if you don’t let them?” You gulped at his words, feeling the air around you become stuffy and thick, making it hard for you to catch your breath. Your heart hammered in your chest like a jack rabbit, eyes glassing over as you stared up at the boy. His hands removed themselves from beneath the fabric— almost causing you to whine at the loss— before slinking their way up to play with your necklace. The feeling of his warm fingers ghosting over your collarbones made your breath hitch, fighting everything in you to bite your lip at the sensation.
Large fingers dipped a little lower, edging the first button of your dress shirt, making you look up at him in confusion. “Don’t you feel a little hot?” you gave a delayed nod, not understanding the innuendo, “Yeah? Then why don’t we get this off- sound good?” With another slow agreement, he began slowly unbuttoning your shirt with one hand, eyes lidding once your bra was revealed.
It was nothing special— if anything, it was beyond boring— your mother did all of your underwear shopping for you, meaning all of them were a little immature and extremely modest. Even if that was the case, Bucky didn’t seem to mind one bit, biting his own lip as he continued to undress you. The hand on your left knee began inching up, causing you to turn towards Steve, who was looking at you as if you hung all the stars in the sky. Your hazy look was reciprocated while the warmth of his hand got closer and closer to the spot between your thighs.
You had never felt this way before in your life. Your brain felt fuzzy, heat pooling in your abdomen as it trickled down to your core, eyes lidding, and soft whines threatening to escape your throat. Was this the act of the devil? You didn’t have time to think about it before Steve spoke up, voice a little raspier than usual, “We can teach you, if you want,” his tongue darting out to wet his lips, “that way you won’t feel so lost when the time calls for it.” He watched you think about it— although your brain was moving much slower than usual— gears turning in your head. He had a point, you’d rather do this now so you don’t disappoint in the future.. failure was your worst nightmare. So, you nodded. Accepting their gracious offer with less hesitation than you should.
Upon giving them permission, Steve leaned down slowly, just barely brushing his lips against yours. The blonde was gentle, a stark contrast to the rough hands of Bucky who was now shoving your shirt off of your shoulders with one, the other desperately kneading at your chest. You arched into his touch, an involuntary gasp escaping your lips. Steve took the opportunity to slot your lips together, free hand cupping your face in a comforting manner, guiding you along. After a beat, it was obvious you didn’t know what came next, so he pulled away, tapping your jaw with a mumbled ‘Open’. Once he dove in again, you followed his instructions, allowing him to slide into your mouth with his tongue, feeling the heat of it explore your own.
It literally knocked the air out of you, causing you to whine at the dual sensation. This was so much better than you expected. Bucky continued pawing at your chest, placing open mouth kisses along your neck, occasionally nipping the sensitive skin. As the boys groped and invaded, you felt a gush of something fill the gusset of your underwear. Your eyes shot open, immediately pushing away from Steve as they both voiced their concerns, asking if they did something wrong. You shook your head, gasping to catch your breath, “I think I—” you swallowed, “started my period..” your voice barely above a whisper, you avoided both of their eyes. Steve was the first to coo, hands coming up to grab your face again while stroking at the heated skin.
“Baby, that’s not what it is. Why don’t we take a look?” his soft, reassuring tone made you nod, heavy pout beginning to soften. The pet name was definitely not helping the heat that you felt. Bucky started sliding your skirt off, you lifting your hips to help— his touch was back to being cautious. The pair smiled at each other upon seeing your underwear— white with ‘Monday’ printed on your mound in swirly pink letters, cute little bow at the center of the elastic band— completely soaked. Bucky was the first to trace your wetness through the translucent crotch, watching your face contort in pleasure at his featherlight touches. “Such a messy girl,” his voice was playful, applying more pressure with each passing second. Once he pulled the first moan from you, he smiled, looking to Steve before peeling off the soiled fabric from your body.
The cool air hitting your slicked parts made you gasp, looking up at Steve as well, seeking any kind of confirmation— though you weren’t sure for what exactly. He smiled at you, dipping back down to lock your lips with his, allowing him to drink in all your gasps and whines while Bucky explored the flower between your legs. The older boys touches remained soft, swirling your nub before occasionally dipping his digit down to gather more of your essence. It was all too much— Steve’s heavy tongue swallowing your own, Bucky’s long fingers toying with your most sacred area; the smell of both of them combining in your nostrils, making it virtually impossible to think straight;— way too much. You broke away from the kiss again, a small string of salvia connecting your lips as you heavily panted against his chest.
Steve took Bucky’s place in fondling your chest, kissing along your sternum, pulling high pitched moans from your throat. After a second, you felt Bucky begin pushing his finger into your entrance, the sudden intrusion causing you to choke on your own gasp.
The pressure was bearable, digit being pushed in until it hit the final knuckle. Screwing your eyes shut, you focused on the curl of his fingers against your gummy walls, biting your lip to prevent any more embarrassing sounds from escaping— although it didn’t take much for you to start crying out again. Tears began brimming in your eyes as a second finger was pushed in, already feeling so full.
Although you had absolutely no frame of reference to what was happening, all your mind could think about was how good they both were at this. You wondered if they had done this exact thing to other girls.
Blinking away the thought, you caught Bucky slinking down the couch to settle on his knees between your legs. The glimmer in his eyes while he stared attentively at your slit made you flush, ripping your eyes away to the blonde, who was now reaching behind you to unclasp your bra. The pair exuded confidence with their touches, leaving you breathlessly and wondering if you were doing enough. Wiping the drool on your chin, you gasped out, “Can I-,” a moan, “touch you guys too? Please?” Both of their eyes snapped up to yours, blue irises completely blown out with lust. Steve gave Bucky a look, turning back to you, smiling in return. “Is that what you want, baby?” you nodded enthusiastically, a longing to feel their bodies swirled in your own gaze.
The blonde sat up, fingers coming down to undo his belt. The clinking of the metal caused you to flutter around Bucky’s fingers, mouth salivating for whatever reason. You watched intently as Steve took his pants off, the bulge in his boxers much more apparent without denim in the way. His size made your eyes widen, shocked that he’s able to fit that in his jeans. Were they all this big?
Your hand moved before your brain, reaching out to gently touch the straining of the fabric. When you came into contact with the hardness underneath, Steve sucked in a breath, looking down at you with encouraging eyes. Just as you began to grow confident in your rubbing, you felt something warm and wet slide itself against your bud, making you moan out in surprise. Eyes dragging back to Bucky, you saw him licking from where his fingers disappeared into you up to your hooded button, his own eyes closed while he hummed against you. “Bucky wait!” your other hand darted out to his hair, attempting to pull him off, “That’s dirty!” The brunette refused to listen, continuing with his ministrations against your dripping heat.
His groans against you ran up your body with ease, erasing every last bit of self control you had left. Your fingers curled in his hair, subconsciously pulling him closer as you felt something in you begin to tighten. It only took a few more seconds for the band to snap— leaving you a moaning, drooling, mess. Bucky guided you through whatever was happening to your body, only pulling away once you began to convulse. Seeing your juices all along his jaw made your stomach stir, watching as he edged closer to Steve— the latter looking at you both with knitted brows and parted lips. The last thing you expected Bucky to do was shove his soaked fingers inside of Steve’s mouth— and you definitely didn’t think he would happily lap at the 2 digits with a strangled whimper.
“So fuckin’ sweet,” Steve moaned. Bucky nodded in return, pushing down on his tongue in an effort to make him gag. The small heave he received was enough to make Bucky smile, leaning down to kiss the boy.
You watched with curiosity as their tongues fought for dominance, squeezing your thighs together while the tingling from before returned. The pair pulled away from each other, glancing back at you— who was a thorough mess; hair messed up, lips wet and swollen, slick coating your inner thighs, and lidded eyes clouded with pure desire.
Without a doubt, you were the epitome of temptation.
Bucky immediately leaned down, capturing your lips in the first kiss between you two. If Steve was invading, Bucky was a dictator. His tongue was more precise, and he quickly made it an effort to suck on your wet muscle, causing you to grasp at his shirt in desperation. The brunette lifted you up by your armpits, lowering you down onto Steve’s lap, eliciting a groan from him. Upon pulling away to breathe, you began shifting in your spot on his lap, feeling the thickness off him press deliciously into you. Steve’s hands darted out to grab at your hips, stilling your movements with a curse.
Lifting your eyes to Bucky, who was now standing at full height, you fluttered your lashes at him in anticipation. You were in their care.
He reach a hand down to cup your cheek, thumbing the skin before dragging it down to your lips. Pulling the flesh apart, he signaled for you to open your mouth. You slowly did so, tongue flattening in the process. With a satisfied hum, Bucky gently pushed the pad of his finger inside, allowing you to wrap your lips around it. You didn’t know exactly what he wanted you to do, but from your earlier observations, you assumed it had something to do with sucking. Tongue swiping along the appendage, you watched him bit his lip, cursing to himself before forcing it deeper.
While the two of you were distracted with each other, Steve grew impatient. He could feel you soaking him through his boxers, and it was driving him up a wall. The hands on your hips flexed, beginning to slowly rock you back and forth in his lap. Welcoming the friction between your legs, you furrowed your brows in pleasure at Bucky. It only took a few more seconds for him to pull away, leaving your mouth empty— feeling somewhat disappointed at the loss.
“Do you know how sucking dick works?” his words were crude, making Steve say his name in warning. “What? I have to ask! Can’t have ‘er biting my dick off—“ another groan of annoyance from behind you shut him up, eagerly awaiting your answer. When you shook your head no, he sighed softly. You almost regretted not lying from his disappointment, but he gave you a smile laced with pity and understanding. “I should’ve guessed that. I’ll teach you the basics,” he nodded down at you, grin widening when you mirrored the action.
Steve was still guiding you in his lap, staring down at where you sat on him while the brunette took his own clothes off, reviling in the way your eyes seemed to widen at the sight of him. Once he pulled his boxers down— leaving him completely bare— you couldn’t help but gasp. This was the first time you were ever seeing a boy naked, let alone a penis up close. You bit your lip, gaze completely fixated on the length that twitched under your watchful eye. He was large, trimmed neatly with a flushed tip, some kind of white substance pearling at the head. Opening your mouth to say something, he cut you off, “I know it looks intimidating, but you’ll do great. Just do what you did with my thumb, and everything will be just fine,” his tone was reassuring while he stroked your hair. He perked up, adding a quick, “Make sure you watch the teeth,” before guiding himself closer to your mouth.
Darting out your tongue, you gave a suspicious lick— testing the waters. The taste wasn’t terrible, a little sharp and musky, but overall mostly just skin-like. You leaned in closer, feeling comfortable enough to give a more hearty swipe of your tongue. Just as you did so, the tip of Steve’s clothed cock caught on your spent bud, pulling a mewl from the both of you while you arched your lower half closer to Steve, and upper closer to Bucky. Your lips slowly wrapped around his tip, suckling on it experimentally, pleased with the noise it caused him to make. Sliding your tongue to the underside of his shaft, you began to slide down, hands coming up to grasp at the rest of him— needing to find purchase in something.
He cursed, letting a strangled moan escape his body, “A fucking natural. Knew you were made for this,” another grunt successfully stopped his mumbling, his hand gripping your hair a bit tighter. As you put most of your attention into trying to please the older boy, you couldn’t help your mind occasionally slipping back to the grinding of your hips against Steve’s hard length. You could hear the blonde whimpering beneath you, pace quickening as you both chased your highs.
The more you pushed down on Bucky, the more you gagged around him, still refusing to let up. You only pulled away for air when absolutely necessary, choosing to test your own limits for the sake of his pleasure. The boy above you began fully fisting your roots, cock twitching as he neared his edge.
“Fuck- pull off, I’m close.” his words fell on deaf ears, you continued your bobbing while lifting you eyes to look up at him. Watching you refuse to let up caused his knees to weaken, quickly spurting into your mouth with a loud curse. The twitch of him against your tongue made you grind back on Steve even harder, feeling the hot liquid hit the back of your throat. Bucky fully expected you to spit it back into your hand, but was left speechless as you swallowed it all— smiling up at him before opening your mouth with a quiet ‘ahh’ like you were showing that you swallowed a pill. The sight sparked something in him, internally cursing himself for how easily it affected him.
Mumbling soft praises at you, Bucky stroked your hair with a content smile, watching your face twist up at your nearing orgasm. He looked at Steve— who was currently beyond lost in his own pleasure— stomach flipping at the sight of you two. You knew Steve was close once he doubled over, pressing himself against your back as he forced you down harder against his crotch. His heavy breath against your ear made you burn up at the sensation, that feeling from before rushing towards you like a freight train.
You came with a high pitched sob, crinkling your eyes shut as you curled in on yourself, spasms wracking through your body. Steve followed soon after, biting down on your shoulder to stifle a moan, riding you through both of your highs. As the dust began to settle, you looked around to find Bucky back in his underwear, sitting next to Steve, pressing his thigh against the blondes. Steve pressed a soothing kiss to the bite mark he left, leaving a trail of them up your neck. You melted into the touch, utter exhaustion taking over your body. He handed you off to Bucky, standing to go get a change of clothes, grimacing at the stickiness in his boxers.
Leaning into Bucky’s ear, you giggled, “Messy boy.” He laughed back, the both of you getting louder after Steve called out an ‘I heard that!’.
They were nice boys, and part of you was glad you ended up catching them the way you did— this probably wouldn’t have happened without it.
While Steve was busy cleaning himself up, Bucky took on the liberty of helping you redress. Carefully slipping on your bra, straightening out the straps, he smiled at you before turning you around. Buttoning your blouse together, his hands smoothed over the collar, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. If you were being honest, that small gesture flustered you even more than anything else had today. You smiled at him sheepishly, allowing him to slide your panties back into place, giving your butt a playful tap. When Steve returned, he threw Bucky his own pair of clothes, letting him change into something other than his school uniform.
After the three of you got fully dressed, you all settled back on the couch— with you leaning against Bucky’s chest, legs resting in Steve’s lap— continuing the movie from before. It felt so natural to be here with them, gentle touches against your skin from both of the boys, making you completely forget to feel shame for what you had just done. Once it came time for you to go home, they both insisted on walking you all the way, refusing your suggestion to only do half.
As you walked, Bucky kept his arm slung around your shoulders, while Steve interlocked his fingers with yours. Unlike before, the conversation between them didn’t unnerve you, it instead filled the air pleasantly— forcing you to resist the sigh in your throat. The setting sun no longer felt like it was ostracizing you, its dying light making you feel welcomed. It was extremely nice.
Nearing your driveway, you chewed your lip at the idea of having to leave them— if you could, you’d invite them inside and never let them go home— but you knew better than that. They guided you to the front door, both looking at each other before settling their gazes on you. You peered down at the ground, grasping at the hem of your skirt, searching for the right words to say.
“Thank you.. um- for being so nice,” you cautiously looked up to find Steve with his hands in his pockets and Bucky crossing his arms, “I hope we can be friends.” Your words caused both of them to smile. Steve spoke for the both of them, “Of course. You’re stuck with us,” Bucky jabbed him with his elbow, eliciting a laugh from the blonde.
Smiling at the older pair, you sucked in a breath before quickly coming up to them, placing a kiss on both of their cheeks. Squeaking out, “Get home safe!” you darted inside before you could see their reaction, a dopey grin forming on your face. You glided up the steps, feeling as if you were on top of the world.
You went through the motions of your nightly routine with that same smile strung across your face, drying your hair while imagining Bucky’s fingers on your scalp, slipping into your nightgown as you thought about Steve’s hands on your hips. Settling into bed, you grabbed your stuffed rabbit once more, placing a soft kiss to its forehead— whispering ‘I love you’ into the fur.
Your nightly prayer didn’t consist of you seeking for forgiveness, instead you thanked your Lord, coming to the conclusion that this was the path he wanted you to take. You prayed for this new friendship to last, asking for his protection against potential future conflicts— smiling as you quietly said ‘Amen’. Sleep welcomed you kindly, worming its way through your brain, chest rising and falling with rhythmical breaths.
Awaking the next morning, your body still ached slightly— yet now, it was with something positive. You hummed while getting ready, putting a little more effort into your appearance on the off chance that you saw either of the older boys. Beginning to button up your uniform, you turned to your mirror, smiling at your reflection. Suddenly, something caught your eye.
On the left of your neck, a purplish red mark sat, taunting you. Your eyes widened, a sharp gasp escaping your throat, hand darting up to cover the hickey.
And for the first time in your life, you breathed out a small ‘Shit’, staring at yourself in horror.