Work Text:
[The camera switches on. There are three professional volleyball players from a division one team, the MSBY Black Jackals, standing in a kitchen. They are all dressed in matching volleyball track jackets. From left to right, they are Sakusa Kiyoomi, Bokuto Koutarou, and Miya Atsumu.]
[On the table in front of them are several ingredients for making a box cake: chocolate cake mix, three eggs, vegetable oil, canned chocolate frosting, and chocolate chips.]
[Each man is wearing something on their head that prevents them from using one of their senses. Sakusa is wearing a blindfold, Bokuto is wearing noise-canceling headphones, and Atsumu has several pieces of duct tape over his mouth.]
[To the right of Atsumu is a large TV screen mounted on a cart, displaying a video call of Hinata Shouyou, who is sitting down in what seems to be a shaded balcony. There is a picturesque beach behind him.]
Sakusa: “Okay—let’s just get this over with.”
[Sakusa attempts to try and find the camera, but since there is a blindfold covering his eyes, he cannot. He sighs and shakes his head, opting to stare up at the ceiling.]
Sakusa: “Hello everyone, we are the MSBY Black Jackals. I am Sakusa Kiyoomi.”
[The video freezes on a still of Sakusa attempting to stare into the camera. A title card flashes onto the screen. It reads: Sakusa Kiyoomi, outside hitter for MSBY Black Jackals, #15.]
[Sakusa pauses, evidently waiting for the next person to say their line. Judging by the way he turns his head in Bokuto’s direction, it is supposed to be him, but Bokuto cannot hear, and so he misses his cue. Sakusa elbows him sharply in the ribs. Atsumu tries his best to laugh.]
Bokuto: “What! Are we starting? Hi everyone! We’re the MSBY Black Jackals! I’m Bokuto Koutarou!”
[The video freezes on a still of Bokuto smiling, mouth open wide and hand waving at the camera. A title card flashes onto the screen. It reads: Bokuto Koutarou, outside hitter for MSBY Black Jackals, #12.]
[Bokuto plants his hands on his hips, nodding to himself in satisfaction. Sakusa lets out a very loud sigh.]
[Atsumu makes some more snickering noises that are muffled by the duct tape. He waves his hand and mumbles something, presumably, ‘I’m Miya Atsumu’, but the words are nearly unintelligible.]
[The video freezes on a still of Atsumu waving his hand. A title card flashes onto the screen. It reads: Miya Atsumu, setter for MSBY Black Jackals, #13.]
Hinata: “And I’m Hinata Shouyou! Not a member of MSBY anymore, but I did play with them for a long while! I’m currently playing for Asas São Paolo, in the Brazilian league!”
[The video freezes on a still of Hinata grinning. A title card flashes onto the screen. It reads: Hinata Shouyou, opposite hitter for Asas São Paolo, #21.]
Sakusa (turning to face Hinata): “Hinata, come back. Please come back. Please save me from these complete and utter morons.”
[Sakusa points in a vague direction to the right, presumably trying to gesture towards Bokuto and Atsumu.]
Bokuto (very loudly): “What? Are you saying something, Omi-Omi?”
Sakusa: “No. Anyway. Today, we are trying to…”
[Sakusa gestures towards his teammates, signaling for them to speak in unison.]
All players: “Bake a cake while blind, deaf, mute, and stuck in Brazil.”
[None of them say this in sync. All of them finish speaking at different times.]
Hinata (flashing two thumbs up): “Let’s get to it!”
[Pleasant music plays as the scene transitions to the three professional volleyball players trying to figure out how to position the TV screen so that Hinata can observe them.]
Hinata: “I think you might need to—no, I think you might need to tilt me down a bit lower—no, no, too low, that’s Tsum-Tsum’s ass.”
[Atsumu looks directly towards the camera and wriggles his eyebrows suggestively. He attempts to say something, no doubt a lewd comment, but the duct tape muffles it.]
Hinata: “Okay, I think the only option is to have me facing you, but then I’d be blocking the camera, and we can’t have that. Wait, I have an idea—“
[A ‘TECHNICAL ISSUES, PLEASE STAND BY’ message suddenly flashes onto the screen, accompanied by a loud beep and static.]
[When the footage turns back to normal, the footage is from a camera mounted on the kitchen countertop, with a view of the players from the side. Hinata’s TV has been moved so that it is directly across from this camera.]
Hinata: “Okay, yeah! This works! And we got other cameras as well, right?”
[The footage then rapidly cuts to every single possible angle of the scene taken from multiple different cameras, showing the front, the side, the back, and the top of the players. A giant ‘YES’ flashes on the screen as the camera cuts between all of the footage.]
[When Hinata speaks, the footage cuts to the side camera to show his face. When anyone else speaks, the footage cuts to the front camera to show their faces. Whenever it is deemed appropriately funny, the footage cuts to the back or overhead cameras to show the players’ backs or tops of their heads.]
Hinata: “Let’s get started! Are we making it from scratch, from a box, or…?”
Sakusa: “We are making this from a box, because god only knows how long it would take to make one from scratch. Miya, hand me the box.”
[Atsumu picks up the box of cake mix with one hand. He looks at it for a second, the camera focusing in on his contemplative facial expression, and then he shakes his head. He takes his free hand and places it squarely in Sakusa’s hand.]
Sakusa (turning his head down): “Oh, you think you’re so clever, don’t you?”
[The camera pans over to Sakusa’s deeply unamused face, then over to Atsumu’s very amused face. Atsumu laughs, or tries to, while Sakusa scowls.]
Sakusa: “Bokuto, hand me the box of cake mix.”
Bokuto (shouting very close to Sakusa’s ear): “What was that, Omi-Omi? You gotta speak up!”
[Sakusa visibly flinches away from Bokuto, and in his haste to get away from the loud noise, he stumbles directly into Atsumu, who grabs Sakusa by both arms to hold him upright. Though his mouth is not visible, it is obvious that Atsumu is smiling.]
Sakusa: “I don’t—unhand me, you cretin—“
[The camera shakes back and forth between Sakusa and Atsumu to emphasize their movements. Sakusa succeeds in tugging himself free out of Atsumu’s grip by punching him in the shoulder, and Atsumu puts his hands up in surrender.]
Sakusa (deeply exasperated): “Can someone just please hand me the damn cake mix?”
Hinata: "It's to your left, Omi-kun! To your left—to your left, yes, that's it—"
[As Hinata speaks, Sakusa slowly begins moving his hand closer and closer to the cake mix box. As he does this, Atsumu slowly begins sliding the cake mix box further and further away from him.]
Sakusa: "I don't feel anything. Hinata, are you lying to me?"
Hinata: "No, I'm not lying! Tsum-Tsum is just moving it away from you!"
[At Hinata's words, Atsumu panics and throws the box of cake mix towards Bokuto, knocking Bokuto in the head. Bokuto looks over, startled, then picks the box of cake mix off of the floor. He grabs Sakusa's hand and physically puts it into his hand.]
Sakusa (holding up the box): “See? Was that so hard?”
[Atsumu makes a large amount of grumbling noises, none of which are intelligible. Sakusa grins and nods his head as he pulls the cardboard box open and rips the bag.]
Sakusa: “I like this new version of you, Miya. Much more pleasant to deal with.”
[There is even more grumbling from Atsumu as he waves his hands around, trying to convey his displeasure. Sakusa, being blindfolded, cannot see any of it and continues smiling.]
Sakusa: “What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you.”
[Bokuto very helpfully slides a bowl beneath Sakusa's hands. The camera zooms in on the bowl's sliding motions.]
Bokuto: "You can dump it out, Omi-Omi, I put a bowl underneath!"
[Sakusa dumps the cake mix into the bowl. He crumples up the plastic bag into a ball and tosses it over his shoulder. The footage repeats, played back in slow motion and in grayscale, with the camera zoomed in on the plastic ball as it gets tossed over Sakusa's shoulder.]
Sakusa (turning his head in Atsumu's direction): "See? At least one of us can be helpful."
Bokuto: "Ooh, Tsum-Tsum, you think if you set the box into the air, I could spike it into the trash can?"
Sakusa: "Do not do that—"
Hinata: "I'm not sure if you should—"
[Atsumu scoops up the cardboard box, tossing it into the air a bit before setting it in an arc. Bokuto jumps up, hands positioned to spike the box. As he and the box are in midair, the footage pauses, and a message flashes on the screen: 'WOULD NOT RECOMMEND ATTEMPTING AT HOME'. As the message flashes, the screen also flashes red. The footage resumes, with Bokuto hitting the box directly into the trash can off screen with a satisfying thump.]
Bokuto: "OH, HOLY [REDACTED]!"
[The word 'shit' is censored by the sound of volleyballs hitting a gym floor.]
[Atsumu and Hinata both shout excitedly, and the camera cuts to their very excited faces, then to Sakusa's very displeased one.]
Sakusa: "It's been thirty minutes, and all we have done is dump the cake mix into a bowl."
Hinata: "Wait, Omi-kun, did you preheat the oven?"
[There is a resounding moment of silence as the four grown adults all stare at each other, then at the oven. Cricket chirping noises have been edited into the background.]
Sakusa: "Fu—"
[Before Sakusa can actually swear, a ‘TECHNICAL ISSUES, PLEASE STAND BY’ message suddenly flashes onto the screen, accompanied by a loud beep and static.]
Sakusa: "Okay, the oven's been preheated. What else do we need for the cake? Eggs? We need eggs for the cake, right? What kind of cake are we even making?"
Hinata (leaning so closely to his screen that only his eyes and nose are visible): "We're making a chocolate cake, Omi-kun. And yeah! We do need eggs. The eggs are to your right."
Bokuto: "Can someone tell me what we're doing now?"
[Atsumu vigorously points towards the eggs. Bokuto, following his hand, brightens up.]
Bokuto: "Hey, hey, hey, guys! Look at what I can do!"
[Bokuto picks up an egg. The camera zooms in on his hand movements. With one hand, Bokuto gently knocks the egg against the rim of the bowl, cracking the egg perfectly with one hand. Hinata and Atsumu both make noises of awe.]
Sakusa: "Whatever you just did, I couldn't see."
Hinata: "Bokkun just cracked the egg with one hand, Omi-kun!"
Sakusa: "Ah. Impressive. It'd be more impressive if I could see it."
[Atsumu grabs another egg in one hand and attempts to do the exact same thing. However, he bangs it against the bowl too hard. Pieces of egg shell fall into the bowl, and egg juice drips down the edge of the bowl. Both Bokuto and Hinata burst out laughing.]
Sakusa: "Whatever Miya just did, I also couldn't see, but I don't think I would want to see if I could."
Hinata: "There's eggshells in your bowl now, Omi-kun."
Sakusa (frantically whipping his head around): "What—oh my god—"
[Bokuto goes to work fishing out the pieces of egg shell with chopsticks. He adds the extra egg, once again cracking it perfectly with one hand. Sakusa, despite the fact that he cannot see, is glaring at Atsumu with his arms folded across his chest disapprovingly.]
Hinata: “Y’know, couldn’t Tsum-Tsum make this entire cake by himself? Omi-Omi can’t see anything, and I think Bokkun needs to hear the timer, but you don’t need to speak to make cake.”
{Offscreen voice}: “'Tsumu literally just got eggshells in the cake, ya think he could even make the actual cake?”
[The footage cuts to the back camera, showing the person standing in the kitchen’s threshold. It is Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu’s identical twin, who looks the exact same as Atsumu, save for the naturally dark hair color. He is supposed to be helping with the cameras, but he is mainly just standing against the wall]
[The video freezes on a still of Osamu leaning against the wall, arms crossed. A title card flashes onto the screen. It reads: Miya Osamu, owner of Onigiri Miya.]
Osamu: “The scrub can’t even boil water properly.”
[The footage cuts back to the front camera, zooming in on Atsumu as he makes some hand gestures towards his twin. All of his gestures are presumably very rude, as they are censored with a pixelated filter.]
[Bokuto is now the only one actually helping to make the cake, measuring out milk and melting butter in the microwave, as Sakusa is just sort of awkwardly spinning in circles, while Atsumu is angrily gesturing towards his twin. Hinata is trying to help Sakusa do something by yelling out instructions for what he should do.]
Hinata: "Can you grease the pan? Have you done that yet? I think that was one of the first things you should have done."
Sakusa: "I don't know where the pans are kept in this godforsaken Airbnb."
Hinata: "Check the cupboards—Bokkun, what are you doing?"
[Bokuto is adding a small spoonful of instant coffee to the chocolate cake batter. Both Sakusa and Atsumu turn towards him. Atsumu scoots past Sakusa, waving his hand in front of Bokuto's face to get his attention.]
Bokuto (very loudly): "Yeah, Tsum-Tsum? Sorry, I gotta shout so I can hear myself!"
[Atsumu points towards the instant coffee, shrugging his shoulders and waving his hands in confusion.]
Bokuto: "Oh, the coffee? Akaashi told me that putting a liiittle bit of instant coffee in the cake makes it taste better! Same thing with using milk instead of water and melted butter instead of oil!"
[In the corner of the screen, a line of text reading, 'AKAASHI COUNTER' pops up with a dinging sound effect. There is a count of 1 next to it.]
Bokuto: "Akaashi made that one cake and brought it to the team party, remember? You said it tasted really good. Akaashi's so smart, and he's such a good baker too!"
[The Akaashi counter goes up from 1 to 3 in rapid succession, accompanied by dinging sound effects.]
[Both Sakusa and Atsumu just shrug. It seems that Atsumu now wants to be helpful, as he takes the bowl of batter from Bokuto and begins mixing it vigorously with the whisk. Bokuto shrugs, then goes off to find and grease a cake pan. Sakusa continues to just stand in the center of the kitchen.]
Hinata: "Man, I wish I could be there baking with you guys! I learned how to cook some really good food when I went to Brazil for the first time, I bet I could learn how to bake too!"
Sakusa: "Please come back to Japan, Hinata, this country needs you. MSBY needs you."
{Offscreen voice}: "Yeah, god knows how much MSBY needs Hinata, with the way you were playing in the last game."
Sakusa (turning around sharply and pointing his finger at the camera): "Shut up, Suna, I know that's you."
[The footage cuts to the back camera, showing two new people standing with Osamu in the back. They are wearing EJP Raijin track jackets. One of them is Suna Rintarou, and the other one is Komori Motoya. Suna is recording with his phone, while Komori throws up two thumbs ups and grins.]
[The video freezes on a still of Suna and Komori in their positions. Two title cards flash onto the screen. The first one reads: Suna Rintarou, middle blocker for EJP Raijin, #7. The second one reads: Komori Motoya, libero for EJP Raijin, #10.]
Suna: "I'm surprised that Atsumu hasn't yanked the duct tape off his face yet. I think this is the longest he's ever gone without runnin' his trap."
Osamu: "Believe me, 'm just as surprised as ya are."
[The camera cuts to Atsumu flipping both his brother and his friend the middle finger with both hands. They have been censored with a pixelated filter.]
Komori: "Don't worry, I thought we all played very well at our last game! Even if MSBY lost the last set by two points!"
[Various pieces of footage from the recent MSBY Black Jackals vs EJP Raijin game are inserted. It ends off with the winning scoreboard of 27 to 25, and footage of the EJP team celebrating.]
Sakusa: "When I get this blindfold off, it's on sight, Suna."
[Atsumu makes various muffled noises of agreement, punctuating his point by punching his fist into his palm. All Suna does is make a bunch of noises mocking and mimicking him, which only serves to make Atsumu even more angry.]
Hinata: "Hi Suna-san! Hi Komori-san! I saw the game, you both played really well! You all played really well, I almost miss playing with MSBY!"
Komori (waving): "Thanks, Hinata!"
[Bokuto looks up, catching sight of the EJP players for the first time. He points an accusatory finger towards them.]
Bokuto: "Hey! What're they doing here?! They're the enemy!"
Komori (waving aggressively): "Hi, Bokkun!"
Bokuto: "Oh, they don't seem to be acting like the enemy. Hi, 'Mori!"
[Bokuto waves hi to Komori as well. Both Bokuto and Komori continue waving to each other for another minute.]
Sakusa: "Okay, are we done? Is the cake batter going into the pan? Can someone responsible and competent do that?"
[Atsumu rolls his eyes, but he takes the bowl of batter and begins slowly pouring it into the prepared cake pan.]
Bokuto (loudly and suddenly, while helping to scrape the batter into the pan with a spatula): "I wish Akaashi were here, I bet he'd be able to do this challenge blind."
[The Akaashi counter goes up from 3 to 4, accompanied by dinging sound effects.]
Hinata: "It's okay, Bokkun! He’s going to be coming later to taste test, isn't he?"
[Bokuto cannot hear Hinata, and is instead putting the cake into the oven.]
Sakusa: "I heard the oven door opening and closing, what just happened?"
Hinata: "Bokkun just put the cake into the oven. How long are you supposed to bake it?"
[There is a resounding silence from every single adult in the room.]
Hinata: "...did you throw away the box before reading all of the instructions?"
[Cricket sound effects have been edited into the video as the camera slowly zooms in on Sakusa's face. Sakusa presses his hands to his face and tilts his head to the ceiling, beginning to scream something indistinguishable before a ‘TECHNICAL ISSUES, PLEASE STAND BY’ message suddenly flashes onto the screen, accompanied by a loud beep and static.]
Sakusa: "Okay, somebody set a timer for twenty-five minutes. Someone. Anyone."
[Hinata, who is all the way in Brazil, sets a timer for twenty-five minutes on his phone, holding it up to show Sakusa.]
Bokuto: "Did I show you this picture of Akaashi that he posted on his Instagram? The one where he's staring out the window, and his hair is really pretty?"
[The Akaashi counter goes up from 4 to 5, accompanied by dinging sound effects. Bokuto is showing his phone to Atsumu and Hinata. A picture of the aforementioned Akaashi Instagram picture slides onto the screen. Akaashi is turned away from the camera, staring out a window as cherry blossoms drift down from a neighboring tree.]
Bokuto: "Akaashi's so pretty, isn't he?"
[The Akaashi counter goes up from 5 to 6, accompanied by dinging sound effects.]
Sakusa: "If he mentions Akaashi one more time, I'm going to lose it."
[The Akaashi counter goes up from 6 to 7, accompanied by dinging sound effects.]
Hinata: "I haven't seen Akaashi-san in a long time, but I have seen his instagram pictures! He is very pretty!"
[The Akaashi counter goes up from 7 to 8, accompanied by dinging sound effects.]
[Now that the cake is in the oven, the footage switches to a sped-up version, switching between camera angles. The footage shows Bokuto and Atsumu playing several games of rock-paper-scissors, as they are only able to communicate visually, and Sakusa and Hinata having a conversation, as they are only able to communicate audibly.]
[The footage goes back to the front camera and slows back down to normal speed. Sakusa is speaking to Hinata, while Atsumu is trying to get something from the fridge.]
Sakusa: "Yes, and so I—"
[As Sakusa turns around, Atsumu opens the fridge door a bit too wide, hitting Sakusa straight in the face and knocking him down to the ground. The footage is replayed, in slow motion, from every single camera angle available, accompanied by various sound effects. The final clip is accompanied by a 'K.O.!' sound effect and a close-up on Sakusa's startled face.]
Sakusa: "What the [REDACTED]—!"
[This time, the word 'fuck' has been censored by the sound of a referee’s whistle blowing. Everyone besides Sakusa and Atsumu is laughing and shouting, and Atsumu is desperately trying to also laugh through his duct tape.]
Bokuto: "Are you okay, Omi-Omi? You should really be more, careful, Tsum-Tsum—"
Sakusa (getting back to his feet and holding his hands out): "Miya, I'm going to KILL you—"
[The footage speeds back up as Sakusa attempts to catch Atsumu with both of his hands held out, like he's a zombie, and as Atsumu runs around in circles, trying not to get caught by Sakusa. Bokuto and Hinata are shown laughing and pointing.]
[The camera cuts to the back camera, showing the reactions of Osamu, Suna, and Komori.]
Osamu: "Kick his [REDACTED], Sakusa, I believe in ya!"
Suna: "Eight hundred yen says that Sakusa runs into a wall."
Komori: "One thousand yen says that Sakusa runs into Atsumu!"
[The screen turns black, with the text '(Sakusa's POV)' at the top.]
[The footage continues to be sped up as Sakusa argues with Atsumu and walks aimlessly around the kitchen. Bokuto and Hinata are attempting to have a conversation via sign language. A line of text slowly fades onto the screen, reading, 'this went on for 10 more minutes'.]
Sakusa (sighing): "God help the poor soul that's editing this video."
[The footage abruptly transitions from the kitchen to footage of the exact same kitchen on a computer screen. The computer is a very large desktop monitor, and the glowing blue light of the screen is the only thing illuminating the completely dark room.]
[The camera switches around, showing the editor, Kozume Kenma, in an oversized hoodie. His hood is over his head, and his hoodie strings are drawn so tightly, only his eyes and a little bit of his hair is visible. There are noticeable eyebags underneath his eyes. He waves a little bit, and the camera zooms in on his face. Text slowly fades in underneath his face, reading, 'god help the poor soul that's editing this video'.]
[The footage then cuts back to the MSBY Black Jackals in the kitchen. The timer goes off, and Hinata holds his phone up to the screen.]
Hinata: "Okay! Okay! The cake's done! Uh, Tsum-Tsum, take the cake out of the oven—"
Osamu: "Use the oven mitts—"
[Atsumu touches the pan with his bare hands, yelping and stumbling back and waving his arms around.]
Osamu: "Are ya deaf, ya scrub, I said ta use the [REDACTED] oven mitts—"
Suna: "Bokuto's the deaf one, not you, 'Tsumu, you got no excuse."
[Atsumu makes a large amount of distressed noises, pointing in the direction of the camera.]
Sakusa: "Well, I'm the blind one, I'm not taking it out of the oven. Get Bokuto's attention, make him do it."
[Atsumu frantically waves his hand in Bokuto's face, pointing towards the oven. He then runs over to the sink to run his burnt hands under cold water.]
Sakusa (pointing vaguely in the direction of the running water): "Professional division one volleyball player, by the way."
Hinata: "It's okay, Tsum-Tsum! I once burnt my hand too, trying to make a birthday cake for Natsu!"
[Bokuto carefully takes the cake out of the oven, using oven mitts.]
Bokuto: "Can somebody get a cooling rack? I think you need to put it on a cooling rack!"
[There are a lot of clanging noises as Atsumu rummages through the cupboards, trying to find a cooling rack. The clanging noises have been edited to be much louder than they actually are. The footage has been edited to be shaky. When Atsumu emerges with the cooling rack, a triumphant music sound effect plays.]
[Bokuto dumps the cake onto the cooling rack, flipping it right side up. He claps his hands together, nodding his head in satisfaction.]
Bokuto: "Okay! Frosting time?"
Hinata: "Wait, Bokkun, don't you have to cut the cake in half first? And then you put frosting in between?"
Bokuto (loudly, glancing at the TV): "What, Hinata, I can't hear you!"
Hinata (even more loudly, making a slicing gesture with his hands): "You cut the cake in half, right?"
[Atsumu gestures towards the cake, making a slicing gesture. It is meant to show the cake being sliced in half, but Bokuto seems to interpret it as slicing the cake into slices. The camera slowly zooms in on his confused face, and question marks are edited around his face, with popping sound effects.]
Bokuto: "No, Tsum-Tsum, we can't eat it yet. We gotta frost it first, silly!"
[Sakusa laughs loudly and derisively in Atsumu's direction, as does Osamu and Suna. Atsumu throws his hands up in exasperation and goes off to find a cutting board and a knife. He returns, holding a knife in his fist, the point down, and Bokuto yelps in surprise. Horror movie music has been edited into the video, as the footage zooms in on the knife.]
Hinata: "Tsum-Tsum, you look like a serial killer when you hold it like that!"
[Atsumu raises the knife above his head and makes small, vague stabbing motions in Sakusa's direction.]
Hinata: "Tsum-Tsum, you can't kill Omi-Omi! We'd be down an outside hitter!"
Sakusa (shaking his head around wildly): "I beg your pardon?"
Komori: "We'd still have Bokkun as an outside!"
Sakusa (turning towards Atsumu, the tip of the knife positioned directly at his face): "If you kill me, I will come back as a ghost and I'll haunt you for the rest of your life, and I'll throw every single one of your skincare products into the trash. Don't think I won't do it, Miya."
[Suspenseful music plays in the background as the camera zooms in on Sakusa's and Atsumu's face. Atsumu quickly lowers the knife, walking over to the cake, and the music stops.]
[Atsumu turns the cake on its side. He attempts to slice it perfectly in half. He mostly succeeds, and he lifts one of the cake slices in triumph. A large chunk of the cake then falls off onto the cutting board. The footage of the cake falling is replayed in slow motion, zoomed in on the cake. Everyone once again begins laughing at Atsumu.]
Hinata: "It's okay, Tsum-Tsum! It's okay! Just—put that one on the top, and nobody will know! Okay, someone get a plate, you can start frosting it now! Uh, Tsum-Tsum, tell—tell Bokuto that he should frost it now."
[Atsumu grumbles something unintelligible, picking up a spatula by the wrong end and waving it in Bokuto's direction. Bokuto takes the spatula and opens the can of chocolate frosting, frosting the cake without much difficulty. The other three have been relegated to watching Bokuto do this.]
Hinata: "Wow, I didn't expect Bokuto-san to be the best one out of all of us at baking!"
Sakusa: "I don't think any of us were expecting that."
[Bokuto is now gently pressing the chocolate chips into the sides of the cake. From off-screen, Osamu whistles.]
Osamu: "Hey, Bokkun, why don't ya quit volleyball 'n go into the restaurant business with me, hm?"
[Atsumu makes a lot of very loud, very distressed noises as he frantically gestures towards himself, then to Bokuto, then to the front camera, then back to himself.]
Hinata: "I don't think Tsum-Tsum likes that idea too much, Miya-san!"
[Atsumu makes some more wild hand gestures towards himself, Osamu, the rest of his team, and finally towards the ceiling, all while screaming through his duct tape.]
Sakusa: "I'm not even sure what he was trying to say with that."
Bokuto (raising his hands and stepping back): "Done! Done! I'm done! We're done! Can I finally take the headphones off now, my throat's starting to hurt from all this screaming!"
[Atsumu screams something in what must be agreement.]
Sakusa: "Yes, take this godforsaken blindfold off of me, please—"
Hinata: "I can't really do anything, I'm stuck in Brazil. I wish I could try it, though, it looks delicious!"
[Sakusa unties his blindfold, throwing it onto the floor. Bokuto yanks his headphones off of his ears, throwing them somewhere off-screen. Atsumu rips the duct tape off of his mouth and promptly begins screaming.]
Atsumu: “Never again! Never again! Never again in my [REDACTED] life am I doin’ that! That was awful, [REDACTED] awful, can’t believe ya had the nerve to [REDACTED] come here, ya good for nothin’ [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]—“
Suna: “Careful there, there could be children watchin’ you, Miya-senshu.”
Sakusa (rubbing his eyes): “I never realized how much I took my sight for granted. But for once, I agree with Miya—never again.”
Bokuto: “Guys, the cake looks so good! When’s Akaashi coming over to taste it?”
[The Akaashi counter goes up from 8 to 9, accompanied by dinging sound effects.]
Osamu: “Just texted ‘m, he’s coming soon.”
Bokuto (eyes narrowing in suspicion): “Why do you have Akaashi’s number, ‘Samu?”
Osamu: “Akaashi’s a very loyal customer.”
[The Akaashi counter goes up from 9 to 10 to 11, accompanied by dinging sound effects.]
[Pleasant music plays as the scene transitions to a clean kitchen. Bokuto is slowly leading Akaashi Keiji into the kitchen, his hands over Akaashi’s eyes. The cake is sitting on the table, with paper plates and a knife sitting next to it.]
Bokuto: “Aaaaand open your eyes, Akaashi!”
[The Akaashi counter goes up from 11 to 12, accompanied by dinging sound effects.]
[The video freezes on a still of Akaashi staring down at the cake. A title card flashes onto the screen. It reads: Akaashi Keiji, editor for Shueisha.]
Akaashi: “Oh, this looks very nice, Bokuto-san. Did you and the team make this?”
Bokuto (rubbing his chin in thought): “No, it was actually mostly me!”
Akaashi (giving him a doubtful look): “Is this your ego talking again?”
Bokuto (waving his hands around): “No, no, it was actually me doing most of it!”
[Bokuto points directly to the camera, directly addressing it.]
Bokuto: “Editor! Put in every single time I helped to make the cake!”
[Footage of Bokuto putting ingredients into the bowl, mixing the batter, scraping the batter into the pan, and frosting and decorating the cake appears on screen, accompanied by the line of text, ‘he actually did do most of it’.]
Bokuto: “Akaashi, you get the honor of having the first piece of the cake!”
[The Akaashi counter goes up from 12 to 13, accompanied by dinging sound effects.]
Akaashi: “Thank you, Bokuto-san. What an honor this is.”
[Akaashi cuts himself a very small piece, taking an equally small bite. He nods his head in approval, taking a much bigger bite.]
Akaashi: “It’s very good, Bokuto-san. Well done.”
Bokuto: “Yay!”
[Bokuto cuts himself a much bigger piece of cake, taking a much bigger bite. He nods in approval to himself, his eyes going wide with realization.]
Bokuto: "Wow...I'm such a good baker, Akaashi!"
[The Akaashi counter goes up from 13 to 14, accompanied by dinging sound effects.]
Akaashi (patting his arm): "Yes, Bokuto-san, you managed to make a decent cake from a boxed cake mix and with canned frosting. You are, completely objectively, a good baker."
Bokuto (turning his head, wrinkling his eyebrows in confusion): "Well, when you put it like that, it sounds like an insult, Akaashi."
[The Akaashi counter goes up from 14 to 15, accompanied by dinging sound effects.]
Akaashi: "You've got chocolate frosting on your face, Bokuto-san."
[Akaashi points at Bokuto's right cheek. Bokuto touches his left cheek. Akaashi sighs in amusement before stepping forward and kissing Bokuto's right cheek, wiping the chocolate frosting off.]
Akaashi: "Don't go getting a big head, Bokuto-san, alright?"
Bokuto (clearly lovestruck): "Whatever you say, Akaashi..."
[The Akaashi counter goes up from 15 to 16, accompanied by dinging sound effects. The footage zooms in on Bokuto's face as hearts are edited around Bokuto's face.]
[A ‘TECHNICAL ISSUES, PLEASE STAND BY’ message suddenly flashes onto the screen, accompanied by a loud beep and static. Bokuto and Akaashi are replaced by Atsumu, Osamu, and Suna.]
Atsumu: "We did a pretty good job, didn't we?"
Osamu: "Who the hell's 'we'? Bokkun did all the work, Sakusa 'n ya just [REDACTED] around the entire time."
Atsumu: "I helped! I cut the cake in half, didn't ya see me?"
Suna (snickering): "Did you?"
[Footage of the cake falling apart in Atsumu's hands replays on the screen, in slow motion and in grayscale.]
Atsumu (taking the knife and handing it to Osamu): "Just eat the damn cake, 'Samu."
[Osamu cuts three slices of cake and hands it out to Atsumu and Suna. Osamu tastes it first, tilting his head and squinting his eyes in thought. Suna and Atsumu, on the other hand, just begin shoveling the cake into their mouths.]
Osamu: "This is the most average tasting cake I've ever tasted, 'Tsumu."
Atsumu: "Hey! My blood, sweat, and tears went into that cake!"
Osamu: "I hope they didn't, 'cause that's a damn health code violation."
Suna (scraping his plate clean): "Good enough for me."
Atsumu: "Fine! Fine, ya make a cake then!"
Osamu: "Ya forgettin who yer talkin' ta? Who's the damn cook here? Who's the damn owner of a restaurant here? I guarantee ya, anythin' I make, yer gonna eat without a question—"
Atsumu: "Eat this, ya scrub—"
[Without any further preamble, Atsumu shoves his plate of cake into his twin's face. Suna steps back, pulling out his phone and beginning to record the twins fighting and shouting and shoving their pieces of cake into each other's faces. However, at the end of it, both of them are wheezing and gasping for breath.]
[A ‘TECHNICAL ISSUES, PLEASE STAND BY’ message suddenly flashes onto the screen, accompanied by a loud beep and static. Atsumu, Osamu, and Suna are replaced by Sakusa and Komori. Sakusa has his usual black face mask on, and is staring sullenly down at the cake that remains on the plate. Komori has cut himself a piece and is taking bites of it.]
Komori: "Y'know, it's pretty good, you sure you don't want any of it?"
Sakusa: "I'm good."
Komori (cutting a bite of cake with his fork): "Aw, c'mon, you helped make it! One bite?"
Sakusa: "No, 'Toya."
Komori (making choo-choo gestures with his fork): "C'mon, choo-choo!"
Sakusa: "Are you five years old?"
Komori (now making airplane gestures with his fork): "Here comes the airplane!"
Sakusa (leaning back, hands in his pockets, face scrunched up): "I wish I had a different cousin. I wish I had no cousin at all. You are no cousin of mine."
Komori (now eating the forkful of cake): "Fine, fine, your loss!"
Sakusa (stalking off frame): "I'm never doing anything close to this challenge ever again."
[A ‘TECHNICAL ISSUES, PLEASE STAND BY’ message suddenly flashes onto the screen, accompanied by a loud beep and static. Sakusa and Komori are replaced by Hinata, on the TV screen. Hinata is eating a slice of his own chocolate cake, bolo brigadeiro. There is a single slice of chocolate cake left on the plate, on the kitchen counter.]
Hinata: "I don't have anyone to talk with, unfortunately! I'm in Brazil."
Atsumu: "I could call yer boytoy in Italy fer ya?"
Hinata (startled): "He's not my—why do you have Kageyama's number, Tsum-Tsum?"
Atsumu: "Callin' 'im right now!"
[Atsumu walks on-screen, typing furiously on his laptop. He sets the laptop down on the counter, then turns the laptop towards the camera so that it can see the connecting Zoom call. When the call connects, Kageyama Tobio appears on-screen.]
Kageyama: "Hello...?"
[The video freezes on a still of Kageyama, still in his bed, with his hair rumpled and his eyes half-closed. A title card flashes onto the screen. It reads: Kageyama Tobio, setter for Ali Roma, #20.]
Hinata: "Hi, Bakayama! How're you?"
Kageyama: "Shou? It's...three in the morning here. Why am I seeing your face? I got this call from Miya."
Hinata: "We're making a video for the MSBY channel! Say hi to all the viewers!"
Kageyama: "What? Uh...hi?"
Hinata: "What do you think of the cake we made?"
[Atsumu turns the laptop so that Kageyama can see the singular slice of chocolate cake remaining on the plate.]
Kageyama: "..."
Hinata: "Kageyama! Don't fall asleep on me now!"
Kageyama: "You woke me up...at three in the morning...so you could show me a single piece of [REDACTED] chocolate cake?"
Hinata: "Yep!"
Kageyama: "It looks like [REDACTED], and it probably tastes like it too, if you helped make it."
Hinata (waving a forkful of his own chocolate cake around): "Well, I didn't really help, I was on call with all of them! So if it's [REDACTED], it's not my fault, y'know?"
Kageyama (muttering): "...I'm going to go back to sleep. Goodbye."
Hinata (cheerfully): "Night-night, Tobio!"
[Hinata's eyes widen just the tiniest bit as he realizes that he used Kageyama's given name. A red flush begins creeping onto his face.]
Hinata: "[REDACTED], wait, I meant—"
[A ‘TECHNICAL ISSUES, PLEASE STAND BY’ message suddenly flashes onto the screen, accompanied by a loud beep and static. Sakusa, Bokuto, and Atsumu join Hinata on screen. The singular piece of chocolate cake remains on the plate.]
Osamu: "So what'd we learn today?"
Sakusa: "That this was an awful idea?"
Bokuto: "That I'm a really good baker?"
Atsumu: "That we should never, ever duct tape my mouth shut ever again?"
Hinata: "That I should come back to Japan?"
Suna: "Y'know, maybe there's no lesson to be learned here."
Komori: "Maybe the real lesson was the friends we made along the way!"
[There's a lot of general hooting and hollering from the volleyball players as they all laugh. Bokuto points directly to the camera with both of his pointer fingers.]
Bokuto: "Hey, hey, hey! If you liked this video, leave a like, so we know to make more videos like this! Or, well—maybe not like this, but something similar!"
Atsumu (putting one arm on Sakusa's shoulder, much to Sakusa's dismay): "'N subscribe, so ya can keep seein' more of my gorgeous face!"
Hinata: "And as always, remember..."
[All men look towards Sakusa, who sighs, rolls his eyes to the ceiling, then curls both of his hands into two claw hand gestures, holding them up near his face. The three other men copy his movements, with much more energy.]
Sakusa (sighing deeply, speaking with the most monotone voice): "Go Jackals."
Bokuto, Sakusa, Hinata (much more enthusiastically): "GO JACKALS!!!"
[A ‘TECHNICAL ISSUES, PLEASE STAND BY’ message suddenly flashes onto the screen, accompanied by a loud beep and static.]
Hinata: "So...who gets the last piece of cake?"
[Bokuto, Sakusa, and Atsumu all slowly switch their gazes from Hinata to the last piece of cake. At the same time, Bokuto and Atsumu lunge for the piece of cake, both of them reaching their hands out. Sakusa lets out a shrill scream as Bokuto and Atsumu both plant their hands on his face in order to get to it, while Hinata wheezes, holding his stomach.]
[A ‘TECHNICAL ISSUES, PLEASE STAND BY’ message suddenly flashes onto the screen, accompanied by a loud beep and static, and the video ends.]