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Matt tumbled down the stairs at full speed, almost tripping and landing on his face. Jay had been trying to play Golden Eye, but Matt had all but ripped the controller out of the TV in his panic.
“MJ, calm down buddy!” Jay yells as Matt crawls onto the couch next to him and starts frantically writing on the board.
“I have a plan that will definitely get us a show at the Rivoli. What’s hot right now?” Matt asks, already seeming to have moved onto step seven of his plan. Jay can barely read his scrappy handwriting.
“Um, I don’t know.” offers Jay.
“Keep up, Bird! Keep up! America just legalized what?” Matt asks, and Jay stares at him blankly. Matt throws the whiteboard marker at Jay’s face.
“Ow Matt!” Jay protests.
“They just legalized gay marriage, and all the homos over there are getting married. It’s a big thing, being gay is hot right now. I think we can get in on this for the Rivoli.”
“We don’t know any gay people, what does this have to do with us?” Jay asks, and Matt could slap him for being so slow. Matt could mention that they don’t actually know anybody, gay or straight, but he’s too focused on getting Jay to understand this plan.
“Well the courts don’t know we’re not gay and neither does the Rivoli!” yells Matt, and Jay is wondering how he’s made the leap from not knowing any gay people to them being gay themselves.
“If we get married, then we can tell the Rivoli that we want to have the wedding there, and since it’s our wedding they’ll have to let us play!” says Matt, and Jay finally has caught onto Matt’s train of thought. It often took miles of Jay running after that damn speeding train to even catch the coat tails.
“I don’t want to marry you, Matt! That will scare away the girls if we have a big gay wedding at the Rivoli!” Jay protests again, and Matt leans down to shake Jay’s shoulders. His eyes are somehow more manic than usual.
“You can divorce me right after. We can get the wedding annulled or whatever. I’ve looked into it, if we don’t have sex then we can get it annulled. After we’ve played at the Rivoli and become famous rock stars, no girls will care that we got married!” Matt says.
“Well we definitely won’t be having sex.” says Jay, and Matt grins.
“So you agree! The plan is a big gay wedding at the Rivoli, and if they don’t want to hold it then we tell them they’re homophobic and on the wrong side of history!” Matt says, and Jay can’t help but think this plan might actually work. Big venues like that wouldn’t want to be labelled as homophobes.
“So we really have to sell it, be a really cute couple. You’ll have to act like my wife Birdie.” says Matt grinning.
“Isn’t the whole point of gay marriage that there is no wife?” asks Jay.
“Fine then, my husband or whatever gay shit it is. The point is you gotta act like you love me.” says Matt, and in the warm light of their living room, Jay is sure he probably does.