Chapter Text
"You still haven't made up for what you did"
"Give me back my body. Give everything back."
Those words stuck with Ayabe. Every night, the same dream happened, constantly, nothing changed, her sister was there, she always looked the same, she always asked the same things, she always felt the same, it was like torture, but to Ayabe, she deserved it, it's her punishment for stealing her sister's body, punishment for not managing to win every race, luckily she's been able to get back up and win more races, but recently.
She raced and won, but, the next night...
"Hey Ayabe! You seem really happy today! I was watching you race, you were awesome!"
She did win, by a long shot in fact.
"Yeah...it felt great, winning, winning for..."
Her face grew a little pale.
"Ayabe? Is something wrong?"
"...I'm fine. I'm gonna go outside, don't follow me."
"Oh, alright, just stay safe, please."
Ayabe gave no response and left, what was up with her?
Ayabe stormed out of the academy, she started running towards one spot, a spot she knew all too well, but a spot where she could talk to someone special.
She sits down on the ground, looking at the sky, the sky was shining, full of stars, she looked at one in particular, the brightest star she could see.
"Im sorry."
"Im sorry for being so selfish, i ran for myself, not for you, i won for myself, i shouldn't have, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I stole your body and used it selfishly, i don't deserve this, it should've been you..."
Every word she said sounded more and more muffled as she began drowning in her own tears. She ran for herself, how could she? It's supposed to be her sister's body, not hers.
From that night, the dream began.
That same dream. To remind her of her selfishness.
Over. And over. And over again.
Then, the day of the Kikuka Sho comes.
She won't let herself win for anyone but her sister, not this time, not for herself, for her sister.
And so, the race begins.
They leave their brackets.
Late start.
Rushed.
She's already messed up, god damn it, she's meant to run for her sister and she's failing at this race, what is wrong with her. Alriight, she can still win. For her sister.
The final turn, she begins to make her dash, it's time, to win this, for her sister and...
Nothing.
She barely speeds up, only outspeeding those who have lost their stamina by now.
Why? Why can't she outspeed them? Go faster, go faster, go faster, GO FASTER DAMN IT. But she doesn't go any faster and the pain in her leg returns.
"Oh no..why...why can't i go faster why...is this my punishment for stealing her body? Is this what i get? I've messed up once, I can't win for her...I failed her.."
And before she knows it...
"TM OPERA O CROSSES THE FINISH LINE! TM OPERA O! She has showed everyone her strength once more! With Narita Top Road right behind her! These 2 have shown outstanding power! Yet Admire Vega remains held back, what could have happened to the 2nd favourite?"
She leaves the Kikuka Sho with a frown, yet so empty eyed, one doesn't have to look far to know she's not doing well, but what happened?
Of course, as it is with any victory, Opera and NTR get questioned by interviewers, the amount of pictures taken and questions asked are really too much to count.
However, curiosity didn't end there, they didn't want to just interview the victors, they wanted to interview someone else, the one who lost the race, despite showing clear strength.
One interviewer comes, then another, then another, then another, each constantly asking the same question.
"What happened?
Quickly, her breaths quicken, surrounded by so many questions, so many people, wondering why she lost, her breaths get quicker, her vision tightens, the people twist, their bodies seem to change into one incomprehensible mess of words, each asking her about why she failed, she's at the center of the stage, except she's surrounded not by fans and people who want the best, but by people who want to make her as miserable as possible, it's too much, she can't take this anymore, she can't help but run away from these interviewers.
"H-hey where are you going?!"
Unsurprisingly, before she could even respond she was already away.
She didn't run far however, her leg pain was still there, constantly, only managed to get far enough so the interviewers wouldn't run after her, little did she know there were 2 others who came after her...
"Ayabe!" Top Road yelled.
"What's wrong, why'd you run off like that, why did you fall behind?"
"Ayabe! We hath followed you as we cannot help but desire to help, we hath taken notice of your wellbeing and i must not let my rival fall!" said Opera.
"I...I..."
"Just..leave me alone..." Ayabe quietly mumbled.
"Ayabe please, we want to help!" Said Top Road
"I said leave me alone..I'll be fine.."
"I request of you to let us help, it would be in all of our interests, please inform us on what happened!"
"You're..just like them..leave me alone...go away!" Ayabe's voice grew louder, as she starts to go towards tracen with all the strength she has left.
Top Road and Opera watched, they had no idea what to say, they eventually agreed on letting her be and talking to her later/
When she came back to her dorm, weak, she found Curren left her a note.
"Hey Ayabe! I'm sorry for not being able to come to your race, I visited my family today, as it is also my brother's birthday today, i left you a piece of carrot cake, please enjoy it!!
Part of her was sad she wasn't there, but at the same time she didn't want to hear her ramblings about "how fun her livestream was" or "how much likes her picture got"
She wanted to be alone.
She took notice of the cake, it looked tasty, yet something caught her attention more than anythnig.
A knife.
A sharp kitchen knife.
She couldn't take her eyes off of it, it's so shiny, sharp, she couldn't help but take it.
Now the knife, in her hand.
She hears a voice, it wasn't Curren coming back, it wasn't Top Road or Opera coming to bother her again, or anyone else that was in tracen.
It was someone else's voice, although not anyone in tracen, she knows this voice very well.
Her sister. Has she came back to give her the punishment she deserves? Remind her of her selfishness or weakness?
It began to speak.
"You lost. You were supposed to make up for what you did, yet you lost. You stole my body, you used it for selfish reasons, now you can't even win a race for me. Disgusting. Worthless. Useless.
It felt like the voices were coming out of the knife.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry i didn't mean to I really wanted to win for you but-"
"Shut up."
"Just shut up, you've caused enough."
"But, there is a way to pay back for it. If you just listen to me for once, you will make up for what you've done, you will be with me, we'll finally be together and you will be able to redeem yourself."
A chance to redeem herself..she was a bit hesitant at first, but she couldn't help it. An opportunity to make up for it all? To be with her sister?
"Well?"
"...I'll do it. I want to repay for everything I've done."
"Good"
"That knife in your hand. Do you know what you have to do with it?"
The knife drew closer to her arm, she didn't even think about it, she subconciously brought it close, part of her was horrified, but the other part wanted to keep going, for her sister.
"Very well."
"You know what to do. It is the first step to repaying. I hate you. But this is your only chance at redemption."
She knew what to do, she began to scratch the knife against her arm. At first, nothing, Part of her wanted to stop, but she couldn't, there was a force that made her keep going. geting stronger and stronger, doing everything she can.
The knife pierces the skin, the first bit of blood begins to come out. She's horrified, yet, satisfied, she must keep going, she can't stop this, it's so satisfying, this is her slowly repaying her sister, right? She must keep doing it, she-
"Ayabe! I'm back!"
Another voice, this time, someone in tracen. Her roommate.
She quickly hid the knife as well as hiding her arm behind her.
"How was the race? Why are you hiding your arm? Awwww, is that a gift for Curren?"
"N-no..."
Fuck. If she finds out then what will happen? She wil hate her, she'll ruin more, she can't ruin what she's done with curren, not that, she's taken enough.
"Hmmmm...alright...you don't want to admit it then! That's okay! I'll wait until you can give it to me!"
Alright, she won't look. good. now she has to figure out how to hide her arm properly. It's "hidden", but she can't keep standing in the same position forever.
"I'll..get into my bed for now.."
"Really? It's dinner time soon."
"..I'm not hungry."
"Alright, i'll trust you"
"i assume that's why you didn't eat the cake as well? Silly, i'll keep it in the fridge for whenever you want to eat it."
"...Thanks."
For a bit, they just rested, until Curren went to the cafeteria, Ayabe was thinking of doing it once more, but decided not to for now, taking a nap instead, she couldn't risk Curren finding out.
A bit later, she gets woken by Curren coming back.
Curren sits on her own bed, staring at Ayabe, who's laying on the bed, motionless.
"So, how did the race go?" Curren asked, breaking the awkward silence.
"...I...Can we please not talk about it.."
"Alright, I'm assuming it didn't go well..."
Ayabe doesn't respond.
"Hey, Ayabe?"
"What?"
"I'm...sorry for that night, when you told me about your nightmares, i was acting quite reckless, I didn't think about what you were going through, but I'll try to never do that again, I promise."
"..."
"...Thank you."
"So-"
"I'm sorry."
"Huh? Why? Did you steal one of my plushies and want to apologise for it?"
She didn't enjoy these jokes, but couldn't get mad at Curren, there was just something special about her, despite all that happened, knowing Curren is here makes her feel a little better...Though, she's still stressed about her finding out. She can't let her.
"I'm sorry for being such a mess, I..that argument was kind of my fault as well, I keep bringing you down, I make trouble for you, one day, one day I will hurt you..I'm sorry, you deserve better than a roommate like me."
"Ayabe, I promise you, I don't think you're any of that! I'm sure you won't! I know you won't, i could not have asked for a better roommate than you!"
"But I'm so useless, i just cause you trouble, I-"
"Stop saying that about yourself! Please! I don't want you to feel that way!"
"..."
"I'm sorry."
"I don't think i can talk more right now, I'm going to sleep."
"You're not gonna go stargazing?"
"..."
"...no."
What would she do there after all, apologise? No. An apology won't make up for it.
"Alright....Goodnight, Ayabe."
"Goodnight."