Chapter Text
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!”
“BOYS AND GIRLS!”
“THEYS AND ZIRS!”
“EXTRA TERRESTRIAL ALIENS AND AUNTIE MYRTLE!”
“Wait.” Harry looked over at Ron and frowned for a moment. “Is Auntie Myrtle her own category?”
“I mean… yeah?” Ron said. “It’s like Dracula is his own category, right? So is Myrtle.”
“Dracula isn’t his own category, he’s a vampire,” Harry said. He leaned toward the camera and smiled winningly. “Also, hello to all vampires watching!”
Ron laughed and shoved Harry out of view for a second before Harry popped right back up. “Vampires aren’t awake, Harry. Come on, it’s daylight!”
“That, sir, is a gross stereotype of noble people!” Harry cried. “Some vampires are awake during the day!”
“Name three and don’t say Edward Cullen.”
“Jasper Hale. Rosalie Hale. And my vamp daddy, Carlisle Cullen.” Harry threw his hands in the air triumphantly. “Boom, bitch!”
“That was on me,” Ron nodded his head and slow clapped in obvious appreciation for Harry’s brilliance. “I did set the bar too low.”
“That’s my niche,” Harry said, spinning in his chair and grinning. “Low bars? Love ‘em.”
“Dive bars? Love ‘em,” Ron said.
“Rap bars? Love ‘em.”
“Granola bars? Hate ‘em.”
Harry snorted and conceded it to Ron with a tilt of his head. “Alright, you got me there,” he said. “For your efforts: you, Ronald Bilius Weasley—”
Ron slid in front of the camera and grinned. “That’s not really my middle name,” he said smoothly. “Old joke. You’d never understand.”
It absolutely was his middle name.
“Mister Ronald BILIUS Weasley,” Harry said loudly, “will now open the mysterious package delivered today!”
Ron grabbed the box that had been dropped off that morning, the one they had been hoping to see the last few days. Harry began drumming his fingers on the table, just adding some excitement to what was actually already an exciting reveal.
“This will either be our acceptance package from Mister or Missus Dare or another bomb,” Harry reminded their viewers. “Personally, I’m hoping for a bomb. More viewers, that hot bomb tech will degrade me again…”
“Quit hoping for bombs,” Ron said as he slowly peeled the tape off the box. “We are going to get evicted if we call in the bomb squad again.”
“I’d like to see him try,” Harry scoffed. “We’ll see him in court if he evicts us.”
“Stark versus Stark,” Ron said in a deeply dramatic voice. “The battle of the century!”
It wouldn’t be much of a battle because Dad would actually never evict Harry, even if they did accidentally call in a bomb squad for what wound up being a prank set up by Ron’s twin brothers. They were fined, told to grow up, and Dad pretended to be deeply disappointed in their cognitive thinking.
Harry actually thought the entire day had been hysterical.
“We have - an envelope!” Ron pulled an envelope from their mystery box and Harry slid his chair over to smush right up against him so they could read it together.
“‘Dear Chosen Kings’, aww,” Harry fanned his face playfully. “I love when people address us properly.”
“Harry - holy shit!” Ron’s eyes grew while he actually read the letter. “We’re in! Oh my god, we’re actually in!!”
“No way!” Harry snatched the letter from Ron and began reading it out loud for the viewers. “‘Dear Chosen Kings, I dare you to back out now… before it’s too late’. Oooh,” Harry laughed loudly, genuinely excited, “this is going to be amazing.”
Ron was busy digging through the box and he held up a video camera, a tablet, and another envelope that was just about credit card sized. “This is better than Survivor!” Ron was beaming. “Dude, we have to pack! We have to be in Vermont in the morning!”
Harry finished scanning the letter, checking that Ron had the right date and location. There was no way they were going to miss out on the first dare.
Three teams.
Fourty-eight dares.
One million dollars.
Amazing.
Absolutely amazing.
“Alright, guys, we need to pack,” Harry said, leaning back in to fill the frame with their acceptance letter. “And I have to make Ron cry like a bitch when he sees my ‘in case we got in’ surprise.”
“Is it matching shirts?” Ron asked. “Because we need matching shirts.”
Oh they had matching shirts. But that wasn’t the impulsive surprise Harry had prepared for them.
“Wish us luck,” Harry told the camera. “Be ready to cheer for us in Vermont, the game is on!”
“Death to the competition!” Ron cried.
“Death to all who defy the king!” Harry added. Then he grinned, “Like and subscribe for the best four months ever!”
Harry was still laughing when they shut down the feed and it was just them in their living room together again. It always felt a little quiet for the first few seconds after a stream, but Harry knew Ron had to be buzzing with the same excitement Harry felt.
When they applied for the online advertisement about a contest for social media influencers, he didn’t expect them to get picked. There were hundreds and hundreds of applicants and only three slots. But they were in and it was a really good time too because Harry needed something to add some excitement to his life.
“Who do you think the other teams are?” Ron asked. He opened the other envelope, flashed a solid black Amex to Harry, which definitely confirmed Harry’s guess that it was some gimmick put on by an anti-drug company.
“Who knows?” Harry said with a shrug. “Hey,” he jumped up and smacked Ron’s arm. “Come on! I’ve got something super cool!”
Ron looked appropriately concerned while Harry took off for the stairs to begin running down to the garage. It used to be a lot more stairs, but then Dad decided that having Harry and Ron sharing an apartment directly underneath his apartment was somehow ruining his life. And Harry liked being closer to the ground anyway, climbing out of windows came with less risk of broken bones.
Which, Harry suddenly remembered, was actually Dad’s number one complaint the day he handed Harry the keys for an apartment on the third floor rather than the eighty-ninth.
Either way, it meant Ron only had a couple of minutes to panic over what Harry thought he’d cry about before they could start packing. Harry should also probably tell his dad that he was leaving for a bit… and they should tell Ron’s family too.
Logistically, there were a lot of things that actually needed to get done.
“Alright, are you ready?” Harry asked him, stopping before they triggered the garage doors. Ron rocked on his heels and put on a game face.
“How much did it cost?” Ron asked.
“You know I don’t know,” Harry told him.
“Right, right.” Ron nodded and took a dramatically deep breath. “Okay, I’m ready.”
“You really aren’t,” Harry said, patting his shoulder kindly. “But this is super cool, alright?”
“Every time you say that, I lose thirty days off my life,” Ron said, he was grinning though. “Let’s see it.”
Harry backed up until the doors triggered and he knew their brand new super great ‘country traveling’ RV was behind him. Ron’s jaw dropped and Harry whipped his phone out to start recording. Harry knew what it looked like, he had been the one to design it in all the colors of their logo, so catching Ron’s reaction was much more important.
Especially because Ron’s eyes watered and he was all speechless and stupid.
“What if we didn’t get in?” Ron asked as Harry slowly panned the camera around to get their RV in the video.
It was obnoxious.
Harry loved it so much.
“Then we’d still have a badass way to go meet our fans,” Harry said brightly. “But now we can kick ass, win dares, and win a million dollars!”
It was arrogant and true that they didn’t need the money, but a mysterious cross-country challenge against two other teams? They did need that.
Well, Harry did.
And whatever Harry needed, Ron needed.
“Wish us luck, guys,” Harry held the camera out and grinned. “And wish those other teams well, because we’re coming to win.”
After Harry had what he imagined would be a very tearful goodbye with his really clingy father. Sure, Harry was the one who called him ten times a day just to say hi, but… that was normal.
Probably.
bakugoukacchan: GO CHOSEN KINGS!
maggiehead0928: that is the ugliest van I’ve ever seen. I want it.
angelmastiff: WHAT ARE THE DARES?!