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Hiro and Rye are sleeping with each other and Rei isn‘t supposed to know.
He still wouldn‘t if he hadn‘t come home early from his last mission, tired and bruised, but looking forward to see his best friend. Only to find a dark, deserted apartment when he arrived. The disappointment was only overshadowed by worry. Hiro was supposed to have a free night to recover from the last job that had kept him up for several days. Did the organization call him in despite of that?
He was just about to switch on the lights in the hallway when he heard a moan. It was unmistakably Hiro. Rei would recognize him always and everywhere. His mind raced as his eyes took in the environment, looking for hidden dangers or something strange in the darkness. Did he have a nightmare? Was he hurt? Or did someone enter their home and was hurting him?
Rei unholstered his pistol hidden under his blazer and silently moved through the hallway. Then he heard more moans. This time from two people. He froze, listening intently. Moaning, and voices speaking words he didn‘t understand and then Hiro screamed: “Yes, Rye, like that!”
Oh. Oh.
He left their home after that without a sound and didn‘t return until dawn. The first thing he saw after entering was Rye asleep on their couch. That at least was a familiar sight. He often crashes there after his jobs with Hiro. Rei has put up with it because the man obviously needs more sleep and he is far too familiar with having no safe place himself. But that was before last night. This morning it made him angry. So Hiro is good enough to be fucked but not to sleep next to him afterwards? What an asshole. And what about Akemi?
He contemplated smothering him with a pillow, but decided that he‘s not worth the trouble to get rid of a body in the middle of Tokyo. And if Hiro cares about him like that, he can‘t hurt him. At least not without good reasons.
Now, a few hours later, he is sitting at the kitchen table, sipping at his coffee and watches Hiro and Rye interact with each other. Or rather not interact with each other. It‘s like every other morning they‘ve spent together. Hiro is at the stove, preparing pancakes of all things for a late breakfast because he took one look at Rei and decided he needed them. Meanwhile Rye is sitting on the other side of the table and seems more focused on Rei than his lover.
So far everything is normal. There are no lingering touches, no secret glances, nothing at all indicating a newfound intimacy. They behave like nothing has changed between them and that‘s the worst outcome Rei could think of. If last night was the first time, something would have changed. Maybe Rye would be able to hide it, but not Hiro. Not his best friend who he knows better than any other person in this world. But there is nothing. Just his usual calm smile and the light in his eyes when he looks at Rei that is missing when he addresses Rye.
Nothing has changed and that means that it wasn‘t the first time they fell into bed together. How long has this been going on? Why didn‘t Rei know? Surely he should have noticed something.
He didn‘t. He had no idea. It should be impossible. It is his job to notice such things in strangers, how could he not see this with them?
Why do they hide it?
Why hasn‘t Hiro told him?
“Your glare is burning more than usual today, Bourbon,” Rye suddenly remarks. His green eyes are already locked on him when Rei looks up. The warmth in them makes him furious. How dare he look at him like that?
And that‘s the problem, isn‘t it? As much as he has wanted to deny it, he has noticed how Rye looks at him, smiles at him, flirts with him. He thought, erroneously it seems, that the man wanted him. Maybe even cared for him. Of course he has been wrong. Why would he? Rye only knows Bourbon, seductive, beautiful and dangerous. He probably believed him to be an easy lover and when he didn‘t get what he wanted, he tried his luck with Hiro instead.
Which baffles him even more. Hiro never had a lover before. Rei hasn‘t even been aware that he was interested in sexual encounters. But maybe he has always been and simply never told him. Maybe he did have lovers. Maybe he had a whole life Rei didn‘t know about. How many more secrets did he have?
“I merely wonder if you have lost that apartment of yours,” he answers Rye‘s comment. “With how often you sleep here we should start taking rent from you.”
“Are you suggesting I should move in?” Rye asks.
Rei calms himself with the fantasy of hitting him with the table. It would be very satisfying. Although it probably wouldn‘t banish that amused half-smile on that small lips. Who would even want to kiss them? He expected better taste from Hiro.
“Maybe in your dreams. Now do me a favor and be quiet, will you? I‘m not in the mood for your games today, Rye.”
“Did something happen at your job last night?” Hiro asks and places a plate in front of him. The pancakes are perfect as ever, fluffy with powered sugar and some berries on top. It‘s a food for their worst days. Hiro must really worry about him. Why? He came back in one piece with nothing but bruises. The best outcome for that kind of mission. “I heard you come back only around dawn. Did you even sleep?”
He didn‘t. Every time he closed his eyes, he heard their moans again and couldn‘t help imaging what they were doing with each other. And their naked bodies.
He shakes his head in an attempt to get rid of this image, but Hiro takes it as his answer to his question. “You should eat,” he urges him. “And try to get more rest afterwards. You push yourself too hard.”
His expression is open and soft, all Hiro and barely Scotch although Rye is right there, watching them with his sharp eyes. This is dangerous. If he lets down his guard too much around him, he might let something slip. And what if that‘s the whole reason for this? What if Rye tries to gain Scotch‘s trust to gather information about him that he can use to gain influence in the organization? In a twisted way it would be better than only using Hiro for his own pleasure. It did nothing to appease his anger though.
“Stop babying me,” he lashes out at Hiro. Suddenly the sweet smell of the pancakes make him nauseous and he pushes the plate away. “I‘m not hungry.”
He sees the hurt in Hiro‘s eyes as he stands up and leaves the kitchen. He isn‘t sure if he rather wants to storm out of the apartment or hide in his room. He locks himself into the bathroom instead.
Leaning against the sink, he stares at his own reflection in the mirror. It‘s pale and tired and the bruise on his cheek is turning green. Maybe that‘s why Hiro believes that he needs special treatment today.
His best friend always worries too much and cares for him like nobody else in the world and he thanks him with his anger for something that isn‘t even his fault. Rei should have known that he was seeing someone, that he wanted to see someone. He should support him, not doubt him. But why does it have to be Rye?
He splashes some water on his face, cooling both his skin and temper. Maybe he really needs rest. He‘ll be able to think about it more clearly after some hours of sleep.
Outside he runs right into Hiro. Rei only needs one look at him to see how nervous he is. They rarely argue and never deal well with it when they do. They are too close and their lives too intertwined that being mad at each other feels like they can‘t breathe. It‘s why he shouldn‘t have lashed out at him. None of them needs this right now.
He leaves his door open when he enters his bedroom. Hiro follows him inside.
“Are you angry at me?” he asks. Rei takes note of the fact that he leaves the door open as well, providing Rye with the perfect opportunity to eavesdrop. Does he feel uncomfortable having secrets from him now? “He‘s washing the dishes,” Hiro adds quietly. “We can hear if he stops.”
Now that he mentions it, there are indeed sounds coming from the kitchen. Suddenly the open door makes more sense. Hiro is protecting them. Of course he is. They‘re still them. A lover doesn‘t change that. He feels something inside of him relax with this realization.
“I‘m not angry,” he assures him. “I know you only want to help.”
“You can tell me if it bothers you.” He looks guilty. Rei hates that he put that on his face. He needs to fix this. Quickly.
“It doesn‘t bother me and it never will.” But that‘s not enough. His words and tone at the kitchen table have left a crack in Hiro and Rei doesn‘t know how to glue it back together. “I couldn‘t do any of this without you. You know that, right?”
“Don‘t sell yourself short.” And there it is, the smile he has been aiming for. It‘s small and unsure, but it‘s an improvement to the guilt from before. Rei holds very still as Hiro reaches out to him and touches his bruise. He leans into it, taking comfort from this small gesture. Will he ever know how much he means to him? What he would do to keep him safe and happy? He should have protested more when he followed him into this job, but selfishly he had been too glad to share this burden with him.
As if mirroring his thoughts, Hiro continues: “I am the one who can‘t live without you. That‘s why I worry so much whenever you are on a mission alone. I‘m afraid you won‘t come back.”
Hiro, he thinks with a pit in his stomach. “Scotch,” is what he says.
“I know, I know. You can look after yourself. But you are also reckless and take too many risks. I‘m just… uneasy when I can‘t be there to look after you.”
And doesn‘t Rei get that? Hiro has been better for a long time, but Halloween is getting closer again and with it the anniversary of Hagi‘s death. He makes a mental note to check in with Matsuda when he gets the opportunity. Right now he has only one priority.
He wraps his arms around his best friend and pulls him close. Hiro sinks against him, his body heavy but so very familiar and then he clings to Rei. Just like he always did when they were children and the memory of his parents‘ murder haunted him again. This is also Rei‘s fault.
“I‘m sorry,” he whispers. “I‘m okay. We‘re okay. I promise.”
With a shaking breath, Hiro presses himself even closer to him almost as if he wants to merge their bodies. It would feel right if Rei didn‘t still remember the way he had moaned Rye‘s name last night. He‘s the one Hiro really wants to be close to now. This… he doesn‘t know what this is. He‘s never questioned it, before. He only knows that he needs him to feel better.
So he waits, patiently, until Hiro‘s body relaxes and finally pulls away again to scrutinize him. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”
Rei winces. “I‘m not sure. I think I got hit on my stomach.”
“You think?” Finally the Hiro he knows is back. Still kind, still warm, but definitely fed up with his attics. “Let me take a look.”
Smiling, he sinks on his bed and lets Hiro fuss over him. He helps him out of his shirt and searches his body for more wounds. Rei is relieved when he only finds two more other bruises. Hiro worries enough already, proven by the ice he gets from the kitchen to cool the wounds although they will heal perfectly fine on their own. He waits until his friend is busy pressing it against the one on his back until he decides to confront him. “How long have you been sleeping with Rye?”
There‘s a long silence after that echoing through the apartment. Rye has obviously finished the dishes, but Rei doesn‘t mind if he hears this. It won‘t hurt if he knows that Rei is aware of what he's doing with Hiro. Is it too early to threaten him?
“So you really came back early,” Hiro finally says. “Rye thought that he heard the door.”
How good is that man‘s hearing? Rei made sure to make no sound when he left last night. Or did he hear him coming in? Hot, burning anger fills him when he thinks about the implication. If he heard him and still kept fucking Hiro while he was right there…
No, he has to stay calm before he snaps at him again. He can deal with Rye later.
He turns around to look at Hiro. “Why didn‘t you tell me?” he asks the one question that really gnaws at him. There shouldn‘t be any secrets between them, not of this kind. It almost feels like betrayal.
So he‘s confused when Hiro stares at him with disbelief written all over his face. “Why didn‘t I tell you? You really don‘t see it, do you?”
Rei frowns. Why does it feel like he misses something important here? “See what?”
They stare at each other for a long moment. Several emotions flicker over Hiro‘s face but they disappear too quickly for Rei to decipher. Then Hiro shakes his head. “You are the sharpest person I know, but sometimes you can be so blind.”
Rei‘s frown deepens but his friend continues before he can question him: “It‘s rather new and it‘s nothing dramatic. You know that we get along and we spend a lot of time with each other.” Which is true. They are often paired together by the organization and Hiro has never made it a secret that he likes Rye. Thus him showing up here more often than Rei would like. “And he‘s handsome.” That at least is undeniable even though his wardrobe is horrendous. “It just happened and it‘s… nice. Do you mind?”
There are a million reasons why he should mind. But they are not only talking about Rye right now. This is a new situation for both of them and he can see that Hiro is terrified of his reaction no matter how much he tries to hide it. As much as it pains him, he needs to be supportive. Great.
“I always dreaded the day you would fall in love with someone,” he attempts a joke that holds more truth than he likes to admit. “And I won‘t lie and pretend that I‘m thrilled that it‘s him. But if he makes you happy…”
“It‘s not like that!” Hiro counters and grabs his hand. “I don‘t love him!” He looks at him like he wants to convey a secret message, but for the first time since they‘ve met, Rei doesn‘t understand him. It hurts that he‘ll have to get used to that now that he‘s found someone else.
“Alright,” he answers. “You don‘t love him.”
Hiro presses his hand with a relieved nod.
“Listen,” Rei continues. “There is nothing and nobody that could ever change the way I see you.” Especially not Rye. “Just be careful. I don‘t trust him.”
“He‘s not that bad,” Hiro claims. “If only you would give him a chance.”
“I tolerate him in our home,” Rei reminds him. “And with you. Don‘t expect more from me.”
“I just think you two should talk. Really talk. You have more in common than you think.”
Rei really doubts it. At least he wouldn‘t cheat on his girlfriend. “What about Akemi?”
Hiro lets go of his hand with a sigh. “You should ask him about that. It‘s not my secret to share.”
So they do have their own secrets now. “I see,” he answers as neutrally as he can manage. “Well, don‘t leave him waiting on my behalf. You wanted me to rest,” he adds when Hiro starts to protest. “So let me.”
“Will you really rest?” Hiro asks doubtfully. Which is fair. It‘s been a while since he last had a good night‘s sleep.
“Yes, yes,” he says and lets himself fall back on his bed to show him his sincerity. “I‘ll see you later. Shall we order in for dinner?”
“Anything you want,” Hiro says, amusement evident. He‘s happy again. Good.
Rei expects him to just leave and closes his eyes. He is startled when Hiro pulls a blanket over him instead and softly runs his fingers through his hair. “Sleep well.”
He keeps his eyes closed until he hears his closing door. Only then does he open them again to stare at his ceiling.
Outside he can hear Hiro and Rye talking to each other but their voices are too muffled to understand. He rolls on his side when they laugh and embraces his pillow.
He meant what he said. Nothing in this world will ever change his relationship with Hiro. And he is glad that he is happy. That he can spend the rest of the day laughing instead of worrying about Rei. It‘s all he wants for him.
So why does he feel so hollow?