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Mei would never call herself distant. Not when she was dating someone as cheerful and energetic as Kiana. She was all everything Mei was not.
Kiana was the light in everyones darkness. She could revive an old lady back to youth with that strong energy overfilling her heart. She was kind, helpful and incredibly strong. Mei never understood why Kiana would love someone like her when she could pick up anyone she wanted.
It made Mei jealous.
But not in the way you’d expect. She was not jealous of Kianas abilities or the people talking to Kiana. She was jealous of the person Mei would be if she worked hard enough to deserve the love Kiana gives her. It did not feel fair. Mei always feels like she owes Kiana something. Her mind can’t calm down.
Her train of thought was cut off by a voice calling to her.
“Hello? Earth to Mei!!!” Kiana was laying next to Mei in their bed. Laying on her side, her head supported by her hands as she looked at Mei with a playful but slightly worried expression.
Mei’s eyes softened at the sight in front of her. Not only was Kiana beautiful on the inside, she was incredibly attractive on the outside. The moonlight shining on her face, illuminating her in a way that made her even more beautiful, if that was even possible.
“…Sorry, I was spacing out.” Mei looked at the bedsheets, shyness creeping up on her face. God, even after dating for months now, Kiana still made Mei overwhelmed with emotions.
Kiana’s smile softened from her energetic one to a more heartfelt one as she listened to Mei. “Is something troubling you, Mei? We can talk about it if it’s taking over your head that much.” Ugh, Kiana was so sweet, it made Mei’s stomache churn in a way that made it hard to talk.
“It’s nothing… Just thinking about my missions coming up.” Mei lies. She can’t express her jealousy and worry to Kiana after she has been nothing but perfect for her. Kiana doesn’t deserve that from her, and she was definitely well aware of that.
Kiana returned to her energetic self once she heard it wasn’t anything too emotionally damaging. “It will be alright, don’t worry too much!” She exclaimed, her free hand reaching out to brush a strand of her from Mei’s face. “Besides…” She started, eyes looking at Mei’s lips. “You will be there with Bronya! Me and Himeko will be looking out for you too.” She said softly, almost too softly.
Mei sighed, while she was not worried about the mission whatsoever, the way Kiana said that she would be with Himeko made her worry more than the original matter did. She tried to ignore the way the churning in her stomach turned into a pit. She leaned into Kiana’s touch. “You’re right. I’m thinking too much.”
Kiana just nodded before giving a small kiss to Mei. It didn’t feel as genuine as it normally would, Mei ignored it.
“I’m going to sleep.” Kiana said, resting her head on her pillow now, back turned to Mei as if she wanted to do with her.
“Okay, goodnight. I love you.” Mei said, waiting for her to say it back. But only silence followed. She knew Kiana wasn’t asleep yet, she takes a minimum of 10 minutes before falling asleep. It made Mei sick.
She turned around to stare out the window at the moon. It was pretty.
Mei wondered if the moon was also pretty on the inside as it is on the outside as she fell asleep.
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Next week
Mei walked into the valkyrie dorm after finishing a mission. She was covered in scratches, she was supposed to only kill some Honkai-beasts but more than ten showed up, all of them much stronger than Mei.
She was talking to Mobius, as she was tending to her wounds when she noticed white long hair in the corner of her eye. It was Kiana.
If only it was just her. Himeko was talking to her, smilling like an idiot and touching Kiana’s shoulder a little too intimately. Mei didn’t understand what came over her, but before she could even process what she was doing, she was already on her way to the two of them. Mobius just there, looking at Mei with a confused expression before sighing, watching the scene.
“Oh Kia! You’re much too sweet!” Himeko said, touching Kiana’s shoulder, then hair, then hand. Oh how mad was Mei getting. She didn’t care about people being nice to Kiana. It made sense, Kiana was the definition of sunshine.
What made Mei angry was the fact that Kiana let herself be touched in such a way. Kiana wasn’t a very touchy person. Even Mei had to wait numerous months into the relationship before they were doing anything remotely close to what a couple does.
But watching how Kiana was smiling and looking Himeko in the eyes with a look that you do not give a friend. It did not make sense.
The both of them stopped talking when they saw Mei. Himeko reacted first.
“God, Mei what happened to you? I thought the mission was an easy one.” Himeko was a mother figure of the team. While it was nice at times to be cared for so tenderly, it didn’t help the fact that it was now more obvious that Kiana had no reaction whatsoever.
“Just more enemies than expected.” Mei explained, looking down at her scratched suit. She sighed, she will have to sew it back when she gets to her and Kiana’s room.
Himeko sighed, Kiana just kept looking at Mei with an indescribable gaze. Mei looked back at her. “Hi baby.” Mei said, in hopes of making the situation leas awkward.
Kiana snapped back to reality and replied with a smile. “Hey, you feeling okay? Sorry, I was talking to Himeko and just couldn’t focus on anything but her. Didn’t see you enter.” She said cheekily, smiling to anyone but Mei.
Mei just hm’ed in response. She didn’t like this. When did Kiana become so strangely distant? Why was she acting the same with everyone else but Mei? Why was Mei so consumed by the feeling? It all made it too confusing.
“You have that mission with Bronya tomorrow, no?” Kiana suddenly asked. Mei nodded.
Kiana’s face suddenly turned into a not so bright smile. “Hmm you better go rest up to be ready. Don’t worry, if you need anything, I’ll be down here with Himeko.” She said while looking at Meiko with a look Mei recognized almost immediately.
How could Mei not recognize that smile. It was the look that Kiana gave her when they first kissed. It was the most magical moment at the time, both smitten and happy in love with one another.
Now, Mei could no longer feel the emotions she once did when she saw that look. She felt disgusted. Was Kiana cheating? No, she wouldn’t. Maybe she saw a different gaze? Kiana was a sweetheart on the inside afterall, right? Mei couldn’t stop thinking so she just left the two of them alone, going to her room. She didn’t feel like dealing with this now. Atleast she would be with Bronya tomorrow.
She fell asleep soundly, though with a strained look.
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After the mission (jsem lina to psat ok.)
Mei knew Bronya was strong.
What she didn’t know was that Bronya was stronger than Mei by a ton. How? Was Mei not doing enough.
While Mei was in Mobuis’s lab, covered in bandages, Bronya was happily walking around, probably being praised by everyone.
She was too tired to move or care, she just stared at the ceiling. Was everyone just better than her? What was her point in this company? What was her point in this world? She felt numb. Despite being cut up over her entire body, the mental strain was much more pronounced. She was about to call out for Mobuis to let her know she was aweke before her movements came to a halt.
Someone has entered.
Mei was behind blinds, so she couldn’t see who it was. But the people also couldn’t see her. She stayed quiet and listened.
“Are you sure this is okay, Kiana?” Someone had asked. Mei’s eyes widened. It sounded like Himeko. And Kiana? What were they doing?
Kiana replied, “Oh c’mon, you know nobody is here. It’s just us Hime…” There was silence for a bit before a gasp could be heard. Just what the fuck was happening.
“I suppose you’re correct. I don’t know where Mei is, but I doubt it matters.” Himeko said back in an almost whisper. It made Mei sick. All of it.
“Do you really think I care? Mei is a good-for-nothing dog. She does all I say and takes the half-assed praise like a reward. She’s too easy for her own good.” Kiana said with a laugh. “Enough talking about her though.” Was said before there was a silence followed by sounds of kissing.
At this point, Mei wished it wasn’t Kiana speaking. She knew that was impossible, but it hurt. It hurt too much for it to feel real. Was this all a lie? Were Kiana’s sweet nothings really just nothings? Was Kiana ever even serious?
It was too much. Mei didn’t enjoy pain, but she would rather stab herself to death with her blade than hear this.
Once again, Mei was jealous. Not of herself for not being good enough for Kiana’s love.
But of the life where she never met Kiana in the first place.