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Why couldn't I just be normal for once? Why couldn't I stop thinking about how much I despise this femininity, not as a whole but my body, I disliked how others would see me as nothing but a girl. *weak useless fool! Just say it! Say that you are mad, you are sick in the head!*, the rabbit jumps up and down as it thinks of interesting ways to call me sick in the head. I know that if anyone knows how I feel, I will be executed, called a sick girl but I'm not sick right? I am just different, I am clearly not a sick girl, not sick, nor a girl. But if not a girl then a woman? But that does not sound right either. Boy? That sounds....Better and right. But what girl would think of being a boy and not be sick in the head or killed? How have I not been killed yet? Will I die if George knew about this? Knew that I am not truly a woman?
He would kill me I bet. But maybe, just maybe he will understand me. I cannot talk to my parents, mother was trying to be nice when I told her I didn't truly like my girlhood, she got weird and told me not to tell father. So I cannot tell him so my only other option is George... I slowly gather my courage and walk to my brother's room. *He will call you crazy!* the rabbit yells, it sounds crazy itself. I inhale deeply and knock on the door, "Come in." I hear him say softly, he always allows me in but now I'm scared to even look at the door to his room. I turn the handle and there he is, reading one of his medical textbooks that I already know by heart or some other metaphor I cannot fully understand. George glances up from his book and looks at me, he smiles but only a little and I enter the room. George shows me what he's been reading (I've already read that book 5 times now, I already know but I don't mention that as it would be rude.), mostly about the heart, and how it pumps the body full of useful things. He shows me parts of the heart and names them to me. I love it when he does, now I need to tell him. He better not hurt me, the rabbit screams at me to not say it but I inhale and say it anyways, "George, I don't think I'm a girl." *Run away now.* the rabbit whispers but I don't, I just wait for George to respond. "What did you say?" he whispers, I clear my throat "I don't think I'm a girl." I repeat louder this time. He stares at me in what I think is shock. "You don't think you're a-...." he stops himself and inhales deeply "Why do you think that?" he asks. *Leave* How do I explain? I can't truly do that. It's too complicated for others to get. "Okay. I can try." I say as calmly as I can speak. "It's....."