Chapter Text
September 1996 to Summer 1997
Yuna loved her son more than anything in the world, but she would be lying to herself if she wasn’t enjoying a few hours of silence during the day now that he was in kindergarten.
Even so she missed him. Her husband told her this didn’t make any sense and she knew he was right, but still it was true.
The hours passed and her strange feeling of wrongness at Shane’s absence persisted until it was time to collect him from kindergarten. When Yuna saw her son an involuntary smile broke over her face. He ran to her and she lifted him up into her arms.
“I missed you Mommy!”
“I missed you too baby.” She hugged him tight and he rested his head on her shoulder. Then she put him down and asked, “Anything interesting happen at school today?”
“There is a new boy in class. He talks funny.”
“What do you mean?”
“He says words different. It’s hard to understand him sometimes.”
“Well Shane, not all little kids talk as well as you do,” Yuna reminded him.
Shane had been a late talker. Yuna remembered how worried she’d been that her toddler wouldn’t speak or babble at all. Until one day, around the age of three, Shane just started speaking in full sentences.
“The way Ilya talks is different,” Shane continued. “You’ll see.”
“I will?”
“Yes, I am going to convince him to come to my house this weekend.”
“Are you now?” she chuckled.
“Yep!” Shane said with great confidence. The last time she’d seen him this sure about something he’d been holding a hockey stick.
Over the next few days Shane mentioned Ilya every time she picked him up from school and sure enough by the weekend he had somehow talked the new kid into a playdate.
Friday at 2:30pm came and Yuna left to go pick up her son from kindergarten. She was expecting Shane to be eagerly looking for her like usual, but not today. Today Shane was talking very animatedly to the boy standing beside him. Shane had very clearly figured out how to understand Ilya despite claiming he was hard to understand. It was so sweet how they were interacting and Yuna waited a moment to interrupt them before she moved forward. Once she got close enough that the two kids noticed her, Ilya went silent.
“Mom this is Ilya,” Shane said, gesturing to his new friend. “Ilya, this is my mom. She’s great.”
Ilya nodded towards her but didn’t speak. She couldn’t help but feel like maybe he was self-conscious about how he sounded.
Shane pulled on Ilya’s arm gently and Ilya let himself be dragged along. It was the first time Yuna had come to collect Shane where he didn’t want a big hug the moment she arrived. Shane would rather pull on Ilya’s arm then hug her and Yuna was only a little disappointed. She was glad he’d made a friend. Yuna had been worried about Shane making friends in kindergarten. She reminded herself that this was how it was supposed to be. Her baby wasn’t a baby anymore. He was a kid and wanted to play with his friends more than he wanted to hug his mom. This was normal. It was good and it definitely wasn’t breaking her heart.
The entire walk home, Shane talked and Ilya listened. Yuna couldn’t tell if this was a good thing or not. She was sure before she’d gotten within earshot Ilya’s mouth had been moving like he was speaking but she had yet to hear his voice.
They got home and Shane continued to pull Ilya along, showing him his room and his toys. Eventually the two boys were playing in the living room and Yuna went to start dinner. She had the pasta cooking and the sauce bubbling on the stove when she went to check on them.
“You can talk in front of my mom,” Shane’s voice came around the corner and Yuna stopped to listen.
“Father says here people don’t like how we talk.” Ilya’s voice was not what Yuna had expected. He clearly had an accent. She suspected English was not the language spoken at home for him, but he didn’t stutter or in any way sound unsure when he spoke. He was a good speaker, just with an accent. She hated that he didn’t like his voice.
“I like how you talk,” Shane replied easily. There was a gentle noise of toys being played with. Yuna suspected it was cars from Shane’s big tub of toy cars.
Yuna snuck back into the kitchen. The two friends were so adorable Yuna could barely stand it. She wanted to burst into giggles in her kitchen, but she managed to contain herself enough to finish making dinner without alarming the children.
Once everything was ready, she called the family to the table and the four of them sat together and ate. Shane talked during dinner like he always did. David and Yuna listened as best they could to the imaginings of their five year old son. Ilya was looking at Shane the whole time but he didn’t say anything.
When they were all done eating Shane asked Ilya if it was time for him to go home and Ilya nodded. Then to Yuna’s surprise he turned to look at her and said, “Thank you for pasta.”
“You are most welcome,” she smiled back at him. “Come back anytime, Ilya.”
Ilya nodded politely to show he’d heard her, but Yuna got a feeling he didn’t believe her words. There was something hard around the edges of this child. He wasn’t carefree like children should be. She couldn’t help but worry about him.
“Can I walk Ilya home?” Shane asked.
“Of course,” Yuna replied. “I will come with you.”
A few minutes later they were walking down the street towards Ilya’s house. Yuna was holding Shane’s hand, but Ilya was just walking beside Shane. He was walking close enough to Shane to touch him, but his hands were stuffed in his pockets.
When Ilya turned to walk up to the front door of a house, Yuna tried to keep her thoughts off her face. The house was a bit run down, with chunks of the cement missing from the walkway. The lack of curb appeal aside, Yuna had a feeling something was wrong in that house. She couldn’t exactly explain to herself how she knew, but she had to fight her instincts to hold Ilya back from going inside.
“See you in class on Monday,” Shane said with an adorable smile.
“Okey,” Ilya replied. Then there was a moment where Shane froze. Ilya didn’t seem to notice. He just turned and walked through his front door.
Shane returned to Yuna’s side at the curb. “Mom. I wanted to give him a hug, but I wasn’t sure if he wanted a hug.”
“You can ask him on Monday,” Yuna told her son. “But it’s good that you held back. It isn’t nice to give people hugs they don’t want.”
“Yeah,” Shane agreed. “I’m gonna ask on Monday.”
When Yuna went to pick Shane up from school on Monday Ilya was there, standing beside him. From the huge grin on Shane’s face, Yuna had a feeling he’d gotten his hug.
“Mommy can Ilya walk with us until the turn off to his house?” Shane asked.
“Of course, sweetie.”
Shane turned to Ilya. “See, told you.”
“Your mother is pushover,” Ilya stated confidently.
Despite the insult, Yuna couldn’t help but chuckle a little. She felt like maybe Ilya was more comfortable talking around her now.
“No! My mom is great!” Shane argued. “Take that back.”
“She says yes to everything. Is pushover.”
“Is not!”
Yuna sighed even while she was smiling. “Boys.” They both turned to look at her. “Why don’t we agree to disagree?”
“What is this? Agree disagree?” Ilya asked.
“It means we are supposed to stop arguing and no one wins,” Shane explained.
Ilya said, “Is dumb.”
“Yes,” Shane agreed.
Yuna couldn’t hold back her beaming smile as she watched them. Ilya had a bit of a mean streak but there was no bite to it. It felt almost defensive and even that seemed to never be directed at Shane.
She held out her hand to Shane and he put his tiny little hand in hers. Then she made a decision. Yuna held out her other hand to Ilya. He eyed it suspiciously for a moment and then looked at Shane who just shrugged. Ilya moved closer to walk beside Yuna but didn’t take her hand.
Baby steps, she thought. This time he was walking beside her and not Shane so that was something.
When Yuna came to pick up her son from kindergarten the next day, Ilya was there and again they walked together until the turn off to Ilya’s house. And the next day and the next.
On Friday Yuna was greeted by Shane asking very nicely if Ilya could come visit like last Friday. Yuna agreed easily and so when they reached Ilya street he didn’t wave goodbye and walk away. Instead Ilya and Shane played in Yuna’s living room until dinner.
By the following week, Ilya started talking more during their walks. He seemed to forget his insecurities about his accent and added to the conversation unhindered.
And then again on Friday he came over to play after school and stayed for dinner.
The pattern persisted. Monday to Thursday they walked home from school together and on Fridays Ilya stayed for dinner and then Shane asked to walk him home.
After about a month of this Ilya reached out and intertwined his fingers with Yuna’s free hand. She gently held his hand without making a big deal of it and the following day he did it again.
By the time Shane’s first year of kindergarten ended, Yuna found herself quite attached to Ilya. She had to remind herself often, that he was not her son and she had no right to feel protective over him, but she couldn’t help it.
The fact that her son’s eyes lit up every time he laid eyes on Ilya did nothing to lessen her regard for the child.
Yuna wanted to walk into the house Ilya called home and check that it was a safe place for children and if, like she suspected, it wasn’t she wanted to keep him safe herself.
One night after Shane was fast asleep, she told her husband about her ridiculous thoughts.
“They aren’t ridiculous,” David assured her. “They are motherly. A neglected child could tug at anyone's heartstrings, but especially yours.”
She sighed and leaned her head against David’s shoulder. “I just hope Ilya is alright.”
“You see him five times a week,” David reminded her. “If something happens I’m sure you’ll see it.”
“The summer holidays are coming up.”
“He lives close by. There is no reason he can’t come and visit Shane over the summer.”
“Yes that is true,” Yuna said. “I think Shane would like that.”
“I’m glad Shane made a friend,” David said. “We couldn’t give him a sibling, but now he has Ilya, a friend his age who lives close by will be great for him.”
Yuna sat up and turned to look into David’s eyes. She nodded, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was supposed to be doing more for Ilya.
The next day before school she mentioned to Shane that he could invite Ilya to come over anytime all summer, as much as he wanted and Shane looked like Christmas had come early.
“Thanks Mom!” Shane exclaimed, throwing himself into hugging her before running off to put his shoes on. Shane was extra eager for school drop off, probably excited to tell Ilya about the invitation. There were only a few days of school left before the summer holidays.
Struck with a sudden idea, Yuna didn’t go back to her car. Instead she went to the principal’s office and knocked gingerly on the door.
“Come in.”
Yuna turned the door knob. The woman sitting at the desk looked up and smiled at her. “Ah Mrs. Hollander. What can I do for you today?”
“I um,” Yuna began. She was second guessing her decision, but then she remembered that strange look in Ilya’s eyes when he knew he had to go home. “My son has made a friend in his class. I’ve been walking both boys home together most of the school year and I just have this feeling, like maybe everything isn’t okay at home for my son’s friend. I was wondering if there was anything I could do about it?”
“What’s the boy’s name?”
“Ilya. I don’t know his last night but he’s in the same class as my Shane. It’s not a very common name, I don’t think.”
“Ilya Rozanov,” the principal supplied. “Yes, I understand your concern. He is a bit of an asshole when he wants to be but there is something else going on too. A few teachers have told me something when there is yelling he flinches like he expects to be hit. We can’t prove anything. Our hands are tied here, but I have noticed what you’ve noticed.”
“Is there anything I can do to help him?” Yuna asked.
“Unless he is ready to tell someone that he’s being abused there isn’t anything,” the principal sighed. “And with kids like that they have been so conditioned not to tell.”
“Have you met his parents?”
“His mother is lovely. Small, quiet woman, very young. Too young. They are immigrants from Russia. Moved when Ilya was a toddler, something about an opportunity for the father’s career. I have never met Ilya’s father, but his older brother is in middle school here and if he is anything like the father…”
“I see.”
“My best advice is to be an adult in his life that makes him feel safe,” the principal said. “I know he feels safe with his mother but there is something broken in her eyes… I’m not sure if she has any power to help her children. If Ilya is ever going to confide in an adult it is most likely to be one that isn’t connected to his family. Someone he feels safe confiding.”
“I can do that,” Yuna said dismissively. “But that isn’t enough.”
“It is far more than you realize,” the principal smiled. “Trust me.”
“Alright.” It didn’t feel like enough. Still she was determined to do what she could.
The next Friday that Ilya came to her house for dinner, Yuna told him herself that Ilya was welcome to be here as much as he liked over the summer.
Ilya confirmed that Shane had already said this before adding, “Thank you, Mrs. Hollander.”
“Please call me Yuna,” she said for about the fifth time this month.
“We are gonna have the best summer ever!” Shane exclaimed. He was practically vibrating with excitement at the idea of spending the whole summer with his friend.
There was a moment later in the evening, before Ilya went home when Yuna found herself alone with Ilya. It didn’t happen often, since Shane was always at Ilya’s side, but it also wasn’t the first time it had happened.
“Ilya,” Yuna began. The boy turned to look into her eyes. It was something Shane didn’t often do and took Yuna by surprise. She smiled and then continued with those sharp eyes looking right at her. “I won’t ask you any questions about what's going on at home. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or pressure you. I just want you to know that I care about you. I will never judge you or dismiss you. I am here if you ever want to ask for help. I am here for you if you need me. Okay?”
He stared at her for a long moment. Yuna studied his face to try and figure out if he understood her, but this almost six year old already knew how to hide his emotions on his face better than most adults she knew.
“Okey,” Ilya said and then he turned to face away from her.
Yuna decided that was enough for today. Shane returned and Yuna watched as Ilya’s mask broke when he saw Shane. Ilya was smiling at Shane like he was the only star in Ilya’s sky.
Later when they were about to leave to walk Ilya home, Ilya reached out and hugged her leg. Yuna bent down at once to give him a proper hug. Ilya was tall for his age, but still it felt right to get down to his level to wrap her arms around him..
Ilya whispered something in her ear. Yuna didn't understand the Russian words but she could pick up the emotion in his voice. She tried to tell him with just her hug that he was not alone.
Then Shane put his arms around both of them and Yuna’s mama heart melted.
Ilya pulled out of the hug first. He wasn't crying but there was something in the way he touched the bridge of his nose that made her feel like he was trying not to cry.
Yuna held out one of her hands to each boy and together they made the familiar walk to Ilya's house.
Shane gave Ilya a quick hug before letting him go. Yuna watched Ilya head into his house before turning and walking with Shane back to their home.
“I wish Ilya lived at my house,” Shane said.
“Me too,” Yuna couldn't help but reply honestly. “Me too baby.”
That night, she tucked her son into his safe bed with his favourite weighted orca stuffy and mountain of blankets just the way he liked it and she couldn’t help wondering what type of bedtime Ilya was having.
“Do you think Ilya will come to play everyday all summer?”
“Maybe if his parents are okay with it.”
She leaned forward to gently kiss her son's forehead.
“Do you want Daddy to come tuck you in too?” Shane answered yes like he did every night. “Stay in bed and I'll go get Daddy.”
Shane made a motion of snuggling into the blankets a little deeper. Yuna smiled at him before turning to head down the hall to her husband’s office.
“You are requested,” she told David.
“Is it that time already?” David said, glancing at the clock on the wall. “Sorry I should have helped with bedtime.”
Yuna placed a quick closed mouthed kiss on his lips and said, “it's already. You were working and we were fine but now he needs a Daddy story and a hug before bed.”
“Of course.” David got up and headed down the hall into Shane's room.
Yuna stood in the hallway and listened to her husband read her son a bedtime story and tuck him in. She hoped Ilya had bedtimes like these, where his parents showered him with love, but she had a feeling Ilya’s nights weren’t quite so safe as this.
Walking down the hall, Yuna used her nervous energy to tidy up the kitchen after dinner. She wasn't sure when she'd started making Ilya's favourite meals, pasta with meatballs, on Fridays but at some point it had become a habit.
All she could do now was hope that if that scared little boy ever needed help, he would know she was the place to find it.