Work Text:
Anthpo:
Okay we NEED a better video idea
Will:
what’s wrong with the one we came up with yesterday
Coy:
omg please do NOT do the farting competition. i share a bathroom with you two. i already know who’s winning
Will:
hey that wasnt my only idea
Coy:
oh yeah sorry, the pee-poop one was another gem you dropped
Will:
not the only thing I will drop if we do that video ;D
Anthpo:
STOP what is wrong with you
Coy:
like your idea was any better btw
Anthpo:
It IS a good idea
Coy:
how many times are you gonna put up posters for a meetup in central park?? people are BORED anthony
Will:
don’t listen to him anthony, i loved your idea
i love you actually
Anthpo:
I love you too Will let’s make out right now
Coy:
fags
Hanbon:
heyyyyyy besties i think i have a new video idea
Anthpo:
Where have you been all day
Hanbon:
work.
unlike you unemployed bitches
Coy:
a j*b in the big 2026
Anthpo:
Okay capitalist slave what’s your idea
Will:
go on bon
Hanbon:
so you guys remember saturday when we went out drinking
and i drove will’s car back because he was too drunk
Will:
OH so THAT’S where my car went
Anthpo:
That was three days ago
You didn’t realize your car was missing?
Will:
i thought i just forgot where i parked and got too embarrassed to say anything
Coy:
classic will
Hanbon:
OKAY anyways so i was gonna bring your car back today
but
Will:
oh my god is carly okay
Coy:
you named your car carly???
Will:
yeah because it’s a CAR! get it !?!?!
Hanbon:
yes will very clever, anyways
i think i might have ran someone over on the way back from the club :(
Anthpo:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU THINK
Hanbon:
i mean i don’t see a body!!
but the car is covered in blood :(
*photo*
Will:
HANBON WHAT THE HELL WHOSE BLOOD IS THAT
Hanbon:
I DON’T KNOW
Coy:
damn. rip
this is why i said you shouldn’t drive
Hanbon:
oh really??? why did you think that huh
because im a WOMAN
Will:
and asian too
Coy:
NO because you were DRUNK
Anthpo:
COY WHY DIDN’T YOU DRIVE
Coy:
i was driving my own car bitchass
Anthpo:
This is bad
Bon please tell me you’re joking
We can actually go to jail for this
Will:
wait why ‘we’
Anthpo:
well YOU because it’s your car
Will:
oh shit youre right
and also i’m black
Anthpo:
AND SECONDIEVLY
Wait
Hanbon what did you mean you have a video idea
Hanbon:
well
i was thinking maybe we all clean the car together
and like cover up the evidence
Anthpo:
And record it and post it on youtube???
Hanbon:
i mean whoever we ran over clearly doesn’t care
why haven’t they called the police yet
Coy:
maybe they’re too busy being dead
Will:
can we focus on the fact that my car is covered in BLOOD
Hanbon:
exactly so we should clean it
Anthpo:
This is actually insane
Coy:
lowkey great content though
Hanbon:
guys I am driving the car over to yours
Anthpo:
ARE YOU CRAZY NO DONT
What if people see it???
Hanbon:
i live 10 seconds away dude ill be quick
Coy:
we can always just blame it on will since its his car
Will:
FUCK YOU HATE ALL OF YOU
Anthpo:
Okay so how do we even get the blood off of a car
Coy:
google exists anthony
Anthpo:
I AM NOT GOOGLING THAT ARE YOU INSANE
Hanbon:
too late i did
it says hydrogen peroxide works
Coy:
oh perfect we are doing chemistry now
Anthpo:
We cannot touch the car rn its literally a crime scene
Coy:
allegedly
Will:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALLEGEDLY
Coy:
no body no crime
Hanbon:
exactly that’s what i said
Anthpo:
That does NOT make it better
Will:
guys i just went outside
Anthpo:
???
Will:
carly is still there
Coy:
thank god i thought she walked away
Will:
SHUT UP
Hanbon:
is the blood still on it
Will:
YES THE BLOOD IS STILL ON IT HANBON WHY WOULD IT NOT BE
Coy:
maybe it evaporated
Anthpo:
BLOOD DOES NOT EVAPORATE COY
Coy:
idk im not a scientist
Hanbon:
wait wait wait
what if it’s not blood
Will:
what ELSE WOULD IT BE
Hanbon:
like paint
Will:
our fairly paid intern!?
Coy:
maybe you ran over a painter
Anthpo:
THAT IS STILL A PERSON
Will:
why would a painter be carrying paint
Coy:
why not
Hanbon:
GUYS FOCUS
Anthpo:
I AM FOCUSED I AM FOCUSED ON THE FACT THAT WE ARE GOING TO JAIL
Will:
again WHY WE
Hanbon:
okay new idea
Anthpo:
NO MORE IDEAS
Hanbon:
we go back to where it happened
Will:
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Coy:
field trip!!
Anthpo:
NO FIELD TRIP
Will:
i am not revisiting the scene of the crime in MY OWN CAR
Hanbon:
but we need closure
Coy:
yeah i need to see the body
Anthpo:
STOP SAYING BODY
Will:
THERE IS NO BODY
Hanbon:
we don’t know that
Will:
HANBON
Anthpo:
Okay okay think logically
Coy:
that’s new for you
Anthpo:
Shut up
If someone got hit
There would be police
Hanbon:
not if no one saw it
Will:
how do you miss a whole ass person getting hit by car
Coy:
skill issue
Anthpo:
Coy istg
Hanbon:
wait
what if they got up and walked away
Will:
with that much blood???
Coy:
adrenaline
Anthpo:
THIS IS NOT A MOVIE
Will:
also WHERE WOULD THEY WALK TO
Hanbon:
home
Coy:
yeah like “damn i got hit let me go sleep it off”
Anthpo:
YOU TWO ARE INSANE
Will:
im calling someone
Anthpo:
WHO
Will:
idk my mom
Coy:
“hey mom quick question what to do if i accidentally committed manslaughter”
Hanbon:
dont say manslaughter say accident it sounds nicer
Anthpo:
DO NOT CALL YOUR MOM
Will:
I NEED GUIDANCE
Coy:
call carly
Will:
I WILL KILL YOU
Anthpo:
STOP SAYING KILL
Hanbon:
wait wait
GUYS
Anthpo:
WHAT
Hanbon:
i just remembered the front of the car
Will:
AND
Hanbon:
there was a dent
Coy:
omg no way
Will:
OBVIOUSLY THERE’S A DENT
Hanbon:
but like
it was pretty small
Anthpo:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY SMALL
Hanbon:
not person sized
Will:
what does that mean
Coy:
omg
you ran over an animal
bon that’s so bad
i can excuse manslaughter but I draw the line at animal cruelty
Will:
you can excuse manslaughter!?
Hanbon:
im sorry it was prolly a raccoon
Anthpo:
Why is there so much blood then
Will:
oh my god
did we kill a raccoon
Coy:
rip lil bro
Hanbon:
wait but i didn’t see anything after
Anthpo:
BECAUSE YOU DROVE AWAY
Hanbon:
yeah but
i think i would notice a raccoon
Coy:
you didnt notice the blood on the car for 3 days
Will:
TRUE
Hanbon:
okay fair
Anthpo:
this is going nowhere
Will:
im going back outside
Coy:
vlog it
Will:
I AM NOT VLOGGING THIS
Hanbon:
do it for the content will!
Will:
…
Coy:
he’s doing it
Anthpo:
WILL
Will:
okay im recording but we are NOT posting it on youtube
Coy:
sure
Hanbon:
send pics
Will:
one sec
Will:
guys
Anthpo:
WHAT
Will:
there’s something stuck under the car
Anthpo:
?????
Coy:
HELLO
Hanbon:
WHAT IS IT
Will:
i can’t tell
it’s like
red
Coy:
thats not helpful
Anthpo:
IS IT A BODY
Will:
I DONT KNOW
Hanbon:
PULL IT OUT
Will:
I AM NOT TOUCHING IT
Coy:
USE A STICK
Will:
okay i got a stick
Anthpo:
THIS IS INSANE
Hanbon:
do it will!
Will:
…
…
guys
Coy:
WHAT
Will:
it’s
a bag
Anthpo:
a WHAT
Will:
like a plastic bag
Hanbon:
open it
Will:
absolutely not
Coy:
coward
Anthpo:
OPEN IT
Will:
WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME TO OPEN IT
Hanbon:
FOR CLOSURE
Will:
…
okay
i opened it
Coy:
???
Anthpo:
WHAT IS IT
Hanbon:
TELL US
Will:
it’s...
tomatoes?
Anthpo:
Coy:
Hanbon:
Will:
like
a LOT of tomatoes
Coy:
no way
Anthpo:
YOU’RE LYING
Will:
IM NOT
Hanbon:
OH MY GOD
Coy:
YOU HIT A BAG OF TOMATOES
Will:
THERE IS TOMATO SAUCE ALL OVER CARLY
Anthpo:
So
No one is dead
Coy:
justice for the tomatoes tho
Hanbon:
wait this is actually so funny
Will:
THIS IS NOT FUNNY MY CAR SMELLS LIKE PASTA
Hanbon:
okay but like
now that we know it’s just tomatoes
this IS a good video idea
Coy:
oh my god fr
Hanbon:
TOLD YOU
Anthpo:
Wait low key
This chat is basically the script
Hanbon:
“we thought we committed a crime”
Coy:
add a question mark
makes it legally safer
Anthpo:
That’s not how that works
Hanbon:
thumbnail is will crying next to the car
Will:
NO
and her name is carly
Hanbon:
this is what the tomatoes would’ve wanted
Anthpo:
The tomatoes are dead
Coy:
and now their story will be told
Will:
i need new friends