Chapter Text
2022
It was cold. That was all Jin remembered from the first few days of his military service. Cold to the bones. But the thing about military was no one gave you a choice to feel, whether it was the cold or the other unmentionable emotions that came up so often. It was a lot like idol life and at the same time not at all. He was round the clock busy as an idol too but dancing 8-10 hours a day and sitting in meetings left your brain to its own whims while the body worked. The questions that your mind asked were sometimes so unnecessary, am I qualified to be here? Do I deserve this fame, this love? Am I enough?
The military also needed him to do a lot of work with his body, running and drills and cleaning. But your mind can not wander with a gun in your hand, it has to learn to focus or the military will make you learn to focus. Jin realized early that the days of feeling like he had no purpose were over, no one had any purpose in the military unless assigned. But you were only assigned if you were capable. It was a mystery of life he supposed, God only gave burdens to those who can carry them, his mom says, and Jin realized it was true. From trainee to assistant drill instructor, leading his graduating trainee class to promotions, he excelled. And he bloomed, for the first time he was Kim Seokjin, not Jin. And Kim Seokjin, a Korean citizen serving in the military was as loved as Jin of BTS was. What a rush that was. What a relief.
This feeling was reinforced even more when he came back, he had thought he would not be as busy as he was before enlisting without his members, but then again God’s burdens came to his rescue. He felt as if someone had unleashed all the artistry he had inside himself and he had to let it out in the open, write those songs, sing those notes, stand on theta stage. Or maybe it was just his time, after years of growth flowers were ready to blossom and here he was on a solo world tour. He could hardly believe it, but he did it. And all his members were there, the love was just everywhere, his fans, his members, his family were proud. It felt like he finally arrived.
And then it all shattered.
Like glass.
Like crystal.
Like hearts.
It was confusing at first, he had been working on lyrics for a year now, snippets of his own soul, words, phrases and pages. All crossed out on a white board. His sleepless nights, restless flights and now his humorless laugh all came together to form a picture of betrayal so total, he could hardly breathe. He came home but his home had vanished.
Kim Seokjin was many things, Jin was one of them. And he had realized only lately that he did not need to be Jin to be Kim Seokjin. He can be complete and whole as Kim Seokjin. That is when he came up with the plan, he conceded to the album as it is in return for more tour dates. Way more than originally planned. He knew that in the chaos most would forget and he wanted them to forget. The company was too busy seeing dollar signs to keep track of one artist they had already written off, and the members fresh off a world tour would not question much.
So he planned and executed, it went flawlessly.
On the 14th of March 2027, he bowed to the sold out stadium in Manila and said his final goodbyes to staff. Not that anyone knew. The curtain on Idol Jin came down that day.
2027
He ran down the stairs at the back of the hotel, just his old military bag on his back, mask and hat in place. All his branded stuff was already back in Korea, in storage now, professionally cleaned and to be returned to the brands as his manager saw fit. He had a flight to catch.
He stepped into the humid night and came to a stop at the sight before him.
“What are you doing here?”
“Rescuing you.” The figure replied. “Get on.” The bikes engine revved and Kim Seokjin was finally free from Jin.