Chapter Text
Chapter I- sympathy is just a knife
“All this sympathy is just a knife, why I can’t even grit my teeth and lie?”
✮
“You are getting married?!” Minhyuk screamed through the line, the sudden change in pitch making the phone call sound shaky and noisy like he was speaking through a malfunctioning untuned radio. “OH MY GOD, I can not fucking believe it!!”
And to be honest neither could Kihyun.
To be honest, at that moment, neither could the entirety of South Korea.
“Please, don’t make it seem bigger than it already is”, he mumbles into the phone with a defeated sigh, feeling a small headache start to build on his frontal lobe as he reaches for the bridge of his nose.
“How can I not?! Kihyun-ah, this is HUGE!” Minhyuk kept making a fuss on the other side of the line, seemingly too amused for his best friend’s taste. “You are marrying THE Chae Hyungwon!”
‘THE Chae Hyungwon, right. How could he forget?’
‘THE FUTURE BIGGEST CEOs OF SEOUL ARE GETTING MARRIED?! THAT’S RIGHT!
Understand how Chae Hyungwon and Yoo Kihyun’s engagement announcement will change the trajectory of two major labels in South Korea’
The news had been released to Korean media outlets just a couple hours ago, but by the way things were spreading he was sure that it would soon reach global vehicles as well.
‘What were they thinking? This is a mess’.
Well, ‘mess’ wasn’t exactly the word to describe this particular situation though – maybe ‘catastrophe’ would suit his desperation better. In actuality this was a really well thought out, extremely bureaucratic, painstakingly fabricated, and meticulously programmed business partnership that ensured both the Yoo and Chae’s companies much more power inside the Asian hospitality industry than they already held. However, Kihyun never would have thought that setting up an enterprise union meant that his parents would trap him in a modern day arranged marriage situation at the burning age of twenty-eight. Or at least not until a little over a month ago, when they organized a full course dinner with the heads of MTX and MONEK’s PR teams to let both him and his now soon to be husband know that they would be getting married within about six months from then.
It was astounding, to say the least.
How their parents seemed so proud of their own strategy.
How the PR team made faking a relationship sound so simple.
How fast things moved on from there.
As if life changing events didn’t have any intend to change his life.
Kihyun’s chair echoed loudly against the marble floor as he stood to leave, the empty conference room feeling spacier somehow, too large to continue to have this sort of conversation in– even through the phone. He paused for a second to fix his tie looking at the view outside for a moment to watch the city movement through high window walls, quietly he observed the thousands of Seoul citizens walking down the main street below, completely unaware of his inner turmoil, but certainly all invested in the going-ons of his rising public life.
Kihyun knew that to them he probably was nothing but another fish trapped in the tank. Just another rich to eat, fresh out of the masses, not yet fancy, nothing close to unique, but oozing so much potential. Entertainment at its finest, am I right? Young, pretty, and still hopeful that his efforts could lead to a different and fair future. So cute and naive this one. They loved when new rich were like that, didn’t they? Loved to put them under a lens to watch them squirm and lose their mind while pacing around a glass-made illusion, to watch as their own notion of reality starts to wear thin.
Isn’t he so hot when he is begging for privacy?
Isn’t he so adorable when he tries to make the world a better place?
He knew what it was like to be on their side of the glass. How nasty the gossip gets, how far the discussions go, how deep the obsession rot. He knew what it was like to want what you don’t have, what you might never get, what only a fraction of humans can access. Nobody ever thinks about the side effects of getting it though.
Greed was a double-edged sword in the hands of capitalism, Kihyun realises.
Not that he had any right to complain about his life. He made it, he is above the line of slaughter, what is a few people running their mouths compared to it? But in times like this, sometimes Kihyun missed the openness of swimming in the ocean, missed the leisure rhythm of the waves breaking on the shore, missed the feeling of treading shallow water with nothing to worry his mind but the sun’s warmth on his skin and the sand under his feet.
Things used to be difficult back then, he wasn’t blind to the struggles his family had, but they were also more enjoyable too, you know? Back when dealing with other people didn’t affect his life so personally, when life goals used to be about being comfortable instead of powerful, when falling in love was still a dream he could hope for.
Or maybe, it was never really about that, maybe Kihyun was just full of privileged bullshit.
“You make it sound like I’m marrying the president of South Korea”, he said with a sneer after a moment too long being lost in his own mind, thinking that this collective obsession people had with the other man was starting to deteriorate the last bit of sanity he was still trying to hold on to.
Kihyun wasn’t even sure he had been able to completely process the full ‘getting married to the guy I despise the most’ yet, and people around were already congratulating him like he had uncovered diamonds in a gold mine.
“Honestly, you might as well be.” Minhyuk replied, the teasing smile sounding clear in his voice as Kihyun’s eyes then caught sight of the giant billboard across the street.
Chae Hyungwon's face covered half of it, with a way too familiar gummy smile that made Kihyun’s skin prickle just from imagining the little provocations that could come out of it – too low and close to his ears to be heard by anyone else in the room –, paired up with semi-circled eyes that in the sign lacked the usual antagonistic sparkle of joy that came from making the older’s face turn red with irritation and watching his cheeks puff out like the beginning of an allergic reaction.
Kihyun’s headache pounded again.
‘CHAE HYUNGWON, THE FUTURE FACE OF SEOUL !
Discover all about the heir of MTX’s empire and his future life goals with this month’s edition of Forbes Korea’
‘What a fucking ton of bullshit. He wasn’t even from Seoul, the guy was born in Gwangju for god’s sake’.
What was so interesting about that man anyways?
Chae Hyungwon is the human equivalent of watching paint dry, worse, watching shells fossilize into stepping stones. His only talent is being the heir of one of the most powerful hotel chains in Asia, and like, having a face with all the right features in all the right places. BIG. FUCKING. DEAL. It still doesn’t justify why people are so obsessed with him, why they are so enthralled and bewitched and allured by the idea of kissing that amphibian looking face, and why brands will launch onto him like orcas to a defenseless seal – only said seal is a six foot tall guy that wouldn’t know what basic human decency is even if it came around to bite him in the ass.
It was disgusting to watch, it made Kihyun sick.
“Remind me again why we are friends?” He asked, holding in a laugh as he heard his best friend's voice screech in a protest, feigning annoyance. “I knew you were gonna act that way as soon as you heard about it.”
“Oh, so you do admit you have been holding valuable information about your life from me because you hate me, it’s what I’m understanding?” Minhyuk replied with a tone that was trying way too hard to sound serious. “You will be hearing from my lawyers.”
Kihyun smiled to the familiar sound of the older’s theatrics, feeling lighter somehow even if the reality around him kept getting heavier. “I’m sure Hyunwoo hyung has more important things to deal with right now than your nonsense."
‘Like my matrimonial documents, I suppose’, he thought, not that it felt any less nonsensical than the conversation in place.
“Look, I know I should have told you sooner, it's just that things got so-”, he didn’t have a word to describe the bad taste in his mouth and the knot that seemed eternally stuck in his throat; nothing felt right and it was starting to get to him. Kihyun paused to breathe, inhaling deeply and swallowing all the bad feelings threatening to spill before deciding to continue. “In summary, I am sorry. This past month has been way too crazy to reenact on call.”
There is a brief pause on the other side of the line, just long enough to make Kihyun’s throat bob again, it was never a good sign whenever Minhyuk went quiet like that.
“I figured”, the older one sighs, too knowingly.
“Fuck, is it that obvious how shitty things are?” Kihyun knew this was a bad idea, he had told the executives it would be too on the nose if they announced the engagement right after such a big transaction, that you can’t rely on likeability for this kind of actions.
“Well, let’s just say I hope your PR team is actually able to work miracles.” Mihyunk chuckled, sensing the heaviness taking over the call. “I’m assuming all this has to do with MTX purchasing MONEK’s shares about what? Two days ago?” the older one asked, trying to make it sound like it didn’t really matter how long it had been, but it did matter.
“Three, but who’s counting, really” Certainly not him, certainly not Kihyun, who was calm and at ease, and definitely not going completely insane with his autonomy being negotiated right in front of him and then broadcasted to the whole world.
Kihyun was fine, completely.
Even if in a way he felt like a man trapped in a sinking ship, all his crewmates gone, exit nowhere to be seen, forced to relive his sins as life passed by his eyes, forced to relive the tell-tales of an unnerving dinner that he wished never happened. The memories of sun-like shine coming from his parents’ smiles, of the disclosure of an engagement, of the bitter taste of wine on his tongue.
That taste hadn't quite left his mouth yet.
Kihyun remembers feeling compelled to look at Hyungwon back then – right after the news break –, a man who he had heard more than enough about, a man who he continue to despise more and more as the years went by, a man who he had now become engaged too against his own morals and desires, and who he would never turn to in any given occasion. Kihyun looked for him despite that, like a drowning man, like someone who was so afraid to die that he would hold on to anything if it meant keeping himself at bay, keeping himself above water, keeping himself alive.
Even if that something was the sympathy of a sworn rival.
He didn’t find it though. No, his eyes searched for Hyungwon’s, but they never really met. All Kihyun could do instead was drown, quietly, observing the way the younger man seemed to respond to everything with the calm and collectedness of a person that – at least superficially – wasn’t even close to be fazed, of a person who was presumably unaffected by the experience of having his whole life vanish under tidal waves, used to it even.
But Kihyun couldn’t be fooled for too long.
He could see it in the way the youngest usually slump posture suddenly became poised as he sat straighter on his chair, looking even taller while posing with the grace of someone who was trying way too hard to appear professional. He could see it in the way Hyungwon’s fingers kept running through his own hair in a nervous manner, pushing it back a few too many times, ruining the hourly work that it probably took to make it so flawlessly effortless and presentable for dinner. He could see it in how the man’s lips, that usually fell in a lazy smirk, now seemed tense at the edges whenever he smiled, in the way the inside of his cheeks kept getting caught in between his teeth to viciously chew on them, in the way his eyes kept trying to burn holes into the glass of wine while avoiding looking at Kihyun's general direction at all costs.
‘We’re sinking in this boat together’, was his thought, at least in theory.
Kihyun knew that this could all be in his head, that this could be just a projection of his own feelings towards the impending doom that stood before them. He wanted to believe that there was more to the playboy persona, more to the gummy smile in the billboard, more to the shell in the stepping stone. He wanted to believe that he wasn’t the only one blind-sided at the table.
Not that it helped in any way, shape or form to make Kihyun feel better, his lungs still hurt from swallowing too much water, his eyes still burned from the salt, and his limbs were going numb from the cold, but at least, he wouldn’t be drowning alone.
Kihyun didn't want to drown alone.
“Kihyun-ah, are you still there?” Minhyuk broke through the fog of his own thoughts, voice soft and grounding, and disturbingly understanding.
His head rose to the surface again, and for a moment he remembered he could breathe.
“Yeah, still here.”
──────────
“So,” Jooheon started, folding the used napkin on his lap in a careless manner that was way too suspicious and not anyway near casual like he probably intended it to be, chewing on his last piece of fried chicken mindlessly as if Hyungwon couldn’t see the way his eyes darted to his boyfriend by his side in a ‘back me up’ sort of way. “Yoo Kihyun…”
The world seemed to pause around them, as if everyone had stopped to assess the audacity that this guy had to bring such a sensitive topic into conversation, and in front of Hyungwon’s chicken nonetheless. Nothing was sacred anymore in this world.
Hyungwon’s body physically reacted upon hearing that name, a chill running down his spine as the food in his stomach turned in an unpleasant way. He placed his chopsticks on the table. “Don’t even start.”
Because it was truly not a good time to do so.
Not when he still hadn't fully recovered from the vertigo after searching for the news that morning. Not when he was still trying to come to terms with seeing his name next to Kihyun’s in the front pages of every tabloid like it was a serious matter instead of a laughable one. Not when he had a meeting later that evening with his team and his future husband to discuss the public launch of their ‘relationship’.
Things were starting to become too real, he realized.
They did successfully avoid each other for over a month, sure, but it was clear that there wouldn’t be anything else to do after today, besides maybe getting on with the times. Six months had turned into five way too fast, and it would sooner become four, then three, and so on and so on, until months became weeks and weeks became days, and until there was no time left so the only thing they could do was walk down the aisle and brace themselves for a miserable life.
So, maybe Hyungwon’s best bet right now would probably be to order more chicken and hope to choke.
“We just wanted to say congratulations hyung, that’s all.” Changkyun tried to help, uselessly, if the blank stare that the older one at the table threw at him was anything to go by.
“Save it, this is entirely symbiotic.” he plainly said then, like it was final, like that was the moment the conversation should end.
But it didn’t. Of course.
“So we’ve heard.” Jooheon took a sip from his drink, seemingly unbothered by both his friend’s murderous stare and the condensation dripping from his glass onto his trousers.
“It’s still an engagement though.” Changkyun added to his boyfriend’s thought, which in a regular day Hyungwon would have found their little couple flares cute, but right now it only made his guts consider sending his lunch back up. “You guys are still going to be contractually attached to each other for… How long again?”
‘Ten years? Fifteen? Maybe twenty?’ That part wasn’t disclosed yet, legally.
But marriage is kind of a forever thing, isn't it? At least to his family, that is. So he wasn’t sure if a discussion of how long this could go for would even be considered. Half-assing things weren’t exactly a Chae’s family characteristic. Building empires, multiplying shares, establishing partnerships, decorating a house for christmas, marriage,... There was truly no other choice in the books besides ace it. If you start something you end it, if you set a goal you conquer it. Simple, efficient. Success wasn’t really an option as much as it was an obligation, and the merits of your effort would only truly count as long as you were the best at it.
From school to college, from college to a lifelong career, from a lifelong career to a lifelong relationship, there was no time and place for second place.
‘MTX BUYS 50% OF MONEK’S SHARES AND A BRAND NEW WEDDING RING ?!
See what shareholders are saying about the latest corporation alliance and how Chae Hyungwon and Yoo Kihyun’s engagement affects it.’
That's why they were doing this, right?
MONEK was starting to become too big, too influential, too powerful, so they needed to do something about it, right? How long could MTX go with just letting them continue to grow without intervening, until they came too close for comfort? Until they became an actual rival? An actual threat? Please, everyone knows that having adversaries is only fun when you are winning, and competition is only healthy when it’s not menacing. So when things start to heat up, there is no point in letting them burn, the only fair thing to do is extinguish the match before everything bursts into flames.
And it is not like the Yoo’s wouldn’t be getting anything from it as well.
They would be having the status, the network, the security that the Chae’s name brought in Korea's social pyramid. Sure, contracts are a stable commitment in the corporate world, but no business agreement compares to the bound of matrimony. Money can only warrant you material wealth; marriage however, can grant your social ascension, something that money can’t buy.
Only winners take risks, and only losers fear sacrifice. If you must abdicate something in order to win then abdicate it, even if it's at the cost of your only son’s happiness.
“You really don’t have to remind me of that, the news is everywhere”, the tallest taped his finger against the glass of his drink, a grounding gesture, but also a warning sign that he was starting to lose his composure. “Mind you, if there is anyone right now who knows how disastrous my life is about to get, that would be me.”
And also, maybe, Yoo Kihyun, but Hyungwon was still too wrapped up throwing his own pity party to really care about how the other could possibly be feeling at this moment.
Consciously, he knew they were both victims in this situation.
Consciously, he knew Kihyun was probably as mournful of his future as Hyungwon was of his own.
Consciously, he knew that deep down he couldn’t blame Yoo Kihyun for how terrible things would turn out to be.
Unconsciously thought, he couldn’t stop doing so, couldn’t stop resenting him for it. Even as unfair as it was, blaming Kihyun for his sorrows was easy, second nature even.
“I’m just saying, it could have been way worse, you know?” Jooheon leaned over the table with a mischievous smile, dimples fully on display like he was about to poke even more at Hyungwon's barely hanging patience, as if playing with gasoline next to a burning house was fun and not life threatening at all. “Besides, he is kinda cute.”
Hyungwon thought about reaching his arm across the table for a moment, just so his hand could pull Jooheon right by his ear and give it a little twist, like a nagging mother that had about enough of their misbehaving son. He didn’t though, instead he reached for another sip of his drink. “Whose side are you on here?”
“Difficult to tell, I’m enjoying this way too much,” Jooheon replied solemnly, to which Changkyun laughed.
‘Two against one, now that’s unfair’, the tallest thought, not that he isn’t already used to it by now, but even so, he couldn’t help the ugly feeling that bloomed inside his chest:
Jealousy.
“You both suck, that’s why I always bail on lunch with you two.” he smiled without teeth, pointedly steering the ice inside his glass.
It really wasn’t about them, Jooheon and Changkyun have been attached by the hip ever since the two of them met in college. It was more than clear to everyone and their mothers how meant to be they truly were, and Hyungwon gets it.
His friends were a match made in heaven, written in the star, destined soulmates, all that jazz. HE. GETS. IT.
The trust, the care, the love. That was what it was about, that was what it meant, the squirming feeling in his stomach, the taint inside Hyungwon’s ribs, the spear that ripped through his heart, the dark gloomy creature that chewed at his inside. It wasn’t them that the creature wanted, it wasn’t them the creature asked for, but more so what they had together, what they built together. The union, the partnership, the backing each other up, the finishing each other’s sentences, the laughing of their own internal jokes, the reading of each other's minds, the sharing of a neuron.
He wanted it so bad it felt almost hysterical.
Like, it is comical, isn’t it? A guy who has everything money could get, but the one thing he actually wants money can't buy. And instead what he gets is three-quarters of a man with too much anger for the size of his own body, and a smile that was way too hamster-like and condescending for Hyungwon’s taste.
How clever, and they say the universe doesn’t have a sense of humor.
“Awn hyung, just admit you love us.” Changkyun cooed at him. He did, still.
“That’s irrelevant to the argument”, he stated, making the youngest chuckle by showing him his tongue.
“Regardless, it’s true.” Changkyun concluded victoriously, taking a sip from his drink.
Hyungwon showed him his middle finger.
“We just can’t believe you are actually getting married, dude.” Joohen finally decided to intervene after a while, resting his elbows on the table and his chin on his hands like a little fiend, wickedly batting his eyelashes at Hyungwon. “And to Yoo Kihyun of all people.”
“Stop talking about it~”, the older singsonged through his teeth, a stiff smile forming at his lips as his eyebrows raised to his hairline in a threatening manner. Changkyun laughed so hard he almost lost his balance in the chair.
“Hyung, this feels like watching the meteor finally cross the stratosphere,” the youngest contemplated then, drying tears from his eyes, still a little breathless as he continued to talk. “Who would have thought that our impending doom would happen like this?”
Surely not Hyungwon. Sort of.
Well, at least the arranged marriage part was to be expected.
For instance, his parents had an arranged marriage, and so did his grandparents, as well as two of his uncles. Not to mention his cousin, who a few months prior to all this also announced his own arranged engagement – in fact his ceremony would be just about a month before Hyungwon's. So really, that part was basically a tradition at this point, a ‘rich marrying into richer’ sort of thing – which he didn’t quite know how to feel about because it was a bit like poking at a hornet’s nest.
There was no place to be surprised just as there was no place to hope for love. Hyungwon always knew about his end of the bargain, what his life would be about, what it would become. So even if on the inside he desired for a different result, he learned to be satisfied with what he got and to not get hooked on things he was never having.
‘THE DEATH OF A BACHELOR? YES, CHAE HYUNGWON IS GETTING MARRIED!
After leaving so many lovers heartbroken, looks like Korea’s number one player is finally settling down’
You see, flings were fun, easy, no sentiments involved, no after breakup awkwardness, no strings attached. Simple, efficient. Going out, drinking, meeting people, having sex, going home. That’s it. No need for exchanging names or phone numbers, no need to make things complicated, no need to get your feelings hurt.
Strangers only become a problem when they stop being strangers, they only become a problem when you start to care. So he learned to deal with strangers the same way he learned to deal with his future, no hard feelings equals no problems. As long as he kept not caring, as long as strangers kept being strangers, things would be fine, bearable.
If Yoo Kihyun was a stranger his future would be bearable, but that was not the case.
“Oh, come on man, you gotta admit it’s kinda hilarious, you two have been on each other’s throats for what now? Eight years? Ten?” Jooheon continued to talk, too entertained to really care about the consequences of his actions.
Plus, he has been friends with Hyungwon for many years now, if the older wanted to kill him for real he would have done it already, this was fine.
“I remember you once said you felt sorry for the ‘unfortunate soul who would someday be that man’s partner’ and that you would rather jump from the top of the Burj Khalifa than end up with someone like him.”
‘And I still might,’ he considered bitterly as he recalled the occasion.
‘Cause at the end of the day, his past opinions about Yoo Kihyun were still the same in the present:
Prissy, arrogant, condescending.
Overconfident, overachiever, overrated.
Short.
Nothing in Hyungwon’s perspective of him really changed since they first met in college, because Kihyun never truly changed since college. Besides going from being a teacher's pet to his family company’s CMO – and maybe getting a better haircut –, the older one continued to be the type of guy who walks into a room already believing to be the smartest one inside, as if correcting others was an act of benevolence and not just rude, periodt.
They were never able to meet eye to eye back then – pun intended –, and they probably never would, because no matter how hard Hyungwon tried, standing beside people like Kihyun never felt right to him. People who make assumptions about you before knowing you, people who think you live in a bubble and don't know a thing about the world just because you didn’t experience life the same way they did, people who believe that you are only where you are because somebody paid for you to be there, and that others only admire you because of the amount of money your pocket can hold.
Hyungwon hated this concept. The concept of being reduced to just another brainless playboy whose parents got money, as if he didn’t have a mind of his own, a personality, a career; as if his efforts didn’t hold the same merits as others, or his opinions didn’t hold the same value. He wasn’t unaware of his privilege, wasn’t unaware of his social status, and he wasn’t unaware of how people perceived him in the crowd, still, it wasn’t his fault. People’s lack of character and ignorance wasn’t his responsibility.
It didn’t seem to matter though, because Kihyun looked at him like Hyungwon was the gum stuck under his shoes, like he wasn’t worthy of the air Kihyun breathed, and Hyungwon just couldn’t stand it, couldn’t get over it.
So yeah, maybe jumping off the top of the Burj Khalifa wasn’t so much of a bad idea.
“Well, let's at least hope that the trip to the ground is quick and painless then, shall we?” Hyungwon concluded, finally calling for the waiter to bring in the bill.
──────────
Three hours to discuss a made up relationship felt both too much and not nearly enough at the same time.
From a bureaucratic point of view everything was essentially what it was supposed to be: a consensual agreement that was both financially stable and could lead to the growth of both companies alike. From a public point of view, however, things weren’t looking as great.
The decision to rush things out was proving to be their Public Relations team’s worst nightmare, not only for the fact that they didn’t have the time to properly discuss and strategize the launch campaign for this relationship, but also because everyone now seemed to have their eyes turned to the newlyweds for all the wrong reasons. Most of it, actually, came as a result of this not being Hyungwon nor Kihyun’s first rodeo as the focal point of celebrity gossip.
‘ENEMIES TO LOVERS IN REAL LIFE ?!
From public nemesis to fiances; understand more of the history of Chae Hyungwon and Yoo Kihyun’s relationship’
Over the past years that they have known each other, the two accumulated a fair share of appearances in tabloid headlines as somewhat of a duo, the only difference between those times and now being that they were pretty straightforward in showcasing their distaste for their counterparts in the past. It was nothing new to see their name together in an article, what was shocking to the public was, in fact, the drastic change in tone of their dynamic, which made the sudden romance impossible to buy.
From sardonic snides during interviews to camera footage of public arguments in multiple events to a rumor about a fist fight at a business conference that held thousands of important investors from all around the globe, the Korean media have seen all the lengths in which Hyungwon and Kihyun could go to bash on one another, to the point that this field has essentially become a vital part of their public personas. Having them go from openly hating on each other on countless occasions to secretly being lovers who had now become engaged in the blink of an eye was so astonishing that it could only be read as a publicity stunt, which was the opposite of what they wanted it to be read as.
The whole point of them getting engaged was to take the public eye off MTX’s investments towards MONEK and to suppress accusations of once again monopolizing the Korean hierarchy and industry. They have over the past five years purchased, in a way that felt both unhealthy and predatory, a considerable amount of new hotel chains that had begun to rise in competition and showed to be potential threats to the enterprise’s status. Changing the public focus was paramount now more than ever, as other investors have recently begun to distance themselves from making deals with MTX due to their stained reputation. Fusing themselves with MONEK, both financially and matrimonially, was a last resort, an attempt to regain their lost likeability and reconquer the industry’s affection. Instead, all this union seemed to be doing was bringing the public eyes to look even closer at the giant elephant in the room.
Their PR team needed to fix it, and they needed to do it fast in order to not let things go even more off the rails. They needed to formulate a convincing enough story that made people not only believe that Hyungwon and Kihyun’s rivalry and scorn towards each other was a thing from the past, but also that they have somehow, in a three month window since their last public fight, matured and sorted things out in a way that lead both to rapidly fall in love, and that all the share acquisitions and negotiations in the last few weeks were just a big coincidence.
Needless to say, they were doomed.
Hyungwon and Kihyun sat uncomfortably at the meeting, under the scrutiny of the team around them, a pair of chairs providing a safe distance between the two as neither of them dared to speak and their eyes seemed to bore holes into the slide presentation behind the head of their PR manager – both in a silent competition to see who could avoid looking at the other for longer, too afraid that doing so could possibly lead to the extension of their time in this purgatory.
“With all that being said, we decided to schedule a press conference in twenty-four hours,” their PR’s manager says, matter of factly, after meticulously analysing both men's press history as one would bacteria under a microscope. “It’s nothing grand, a sort of officialization event for the tabloids and formal vehicles, but it will be our opportunity to regain the narrative,” she continues, dropping two handouts on the table before her.
The silence sat thick in the empty space of the way too large room for a not too large group of people, with a tension that seemed to steadily grow at every passing minute of this – uncalled for – assembly, that neither Hyungwon nor Kihyun really seemed interested in breaking. But as nobody made a move to continue the subject in discussion, and the moment stretched over the acceptable amount, it was clear that one of them would have to break their unspoken vow in order for it to move on.
“What are these?” Hyungwon questioned, as he reached for the copy with his own name on it, the lowness and raspiness of his unused voice triggering Kihyun’s attention back to the present.
“These are the authorized questions that will be asked tomorrow, among other things that we deemed appropriate to add, of course.” The woman then smiled, pushing the other copy in Kihyun’s direction. “What we need now is to take the spotlight away from the organizations and point it to you, these are gonna help us make sure of that.”
“You don’t expect us to memorize all of this in twenty-four hours, do you?” Kihyun queried discontent, assessing the thickness of the document disposed in front of him, afraid the answer was already written in the subtext. “This is ridiculous.”
Their manager’s manicured hand reached for a pen that sat uncapped on top of a small pile of files.
“Think of it as a counseling guideline more than a mandatory code of conduct,” she spoke, calmly, nodding her head as if understanding their concern. “Again, it is intrinsic that we show everyone that this relationship is legitimate.” Her pen tapped the table once, twice. “Our role is to provide you with the tools to make it plausible,” she then pointed the object at them, “yours is to make it believable.”
Except it wasn’t simply about making it believable, was it? But rather making it genuine, real almost.
The list of possible questions didn’t even cover half of the handout’s content, actually, the majority of it – they realized as their team gave them a run through the document – seemed to focus on a completely different proposition than what was previously intended. From ideas for public dates until suggestions for public displays of affection, things were reasonable, disgusting and unthinkable, but still, reasonable.
However, before they even get to the half of it things started to warp in a different direction: conversations they could have in private to help overcome their differences, small gestures to show they cared for each other and better the quality of their relationship, phone numbers of a few therapists that could help them access their animosity towards each other,... They didn’t just want Hyungwon and Kihyun to act like they were a couple, or even pretend they were happily engaged for the show, they wanted them to get along, actually get along, and that was an absurd concept to get by.
Smile at each other? Sure.
Hold hands in a public setting? Manageable.
Being actual friends? Insanity.
And it truly felt like they were going insane, because it didn’t seem like it was just about talking things out, or maturing, or being professional, what it felt like was as if they covertly expected them to actually fall in love, as if that was the whole plan, as if this was the natural progression, a necessary ordeal in the grand scheme of business.
‘Fake it till you make it’, as they said.
The list just kept going on and on, with all these ‘suggestions’ of how they should behave, and talk, and change in order to achieve the most suitable press-perfect relationship. It made them sick to their stomach to hear it, a nauseous kind of feeling you only get from ingesting copious doses of alcohol – which both desperately felt like taking a shot of, right now –, or a handful of pills. A sixty page read-through never felt so long in the entirety of their corporate careers; each bullet point driving them deeper into the possibility of a new form of torture, each turned page seemingly mocking them with a new ‘you thought it couldn’t get worse? well, think again!'
But at least they have behaved, right? At least they had kept their mouths professionally shut, and accepted the craziness of it all with the knowledge that at least whenever this ended they would go home and not have to deal with each other again for at least a few more hours, right?
14.05 – As of this day, the affianced shall move in together to the residence both deem equally suitable for their accommodations, in order to grow their closeness and convey a more natural idea of shared intimacy.
There was a pause, no one daring to breathe when turning to watch both men read the same item, just a singular click of a pen echoing in the room like a bomb setting off.
Everyone could see the moment it happened, already bracing themselves for it, like a comet colliding with the ground, like a tsunami emerging on the horizon. Kihyun’s eyes raised from the document to finally meet Hyungwon's for the first time since all of this shit started, since that night at the dining table, a flicker of something ready to ignite; and then, it all went to hell.
──────────
The silence that night was loud, like a car stopping on wet concrete and torrential rain tapping outside a building’s windows; like a pair of Louboutin shoes against the marble floor and the elevator’s door closing; like the beeping of an electronic locker and a click from the automatic lights turning on.
It was deafening, like the worst decision ever made and the ending of the fucking world.
“I will show you to your room.” Hyungwon mumbled once they stepped into the living room, not daring to look Kihyun in the face, and not really wanting to; an irking feeling rooting in the pit of the youngest’s stomach since they stepped inside the same car.
The sentiment was mutual.
If there was one thing Kihyun hated more than to forcefully move places on a random wednesday night, it probably was moving into Hyungwon's apartment without any time to process, or even pack for the situation. All he had was one small suitcase that his team was able to arrange for him, the clothes on his body – which were starting to drive him insane after the long day he had –, and a feeling of inadequacy that loomed over his head like his own personal rain cloud.
It didn’t help that the place he was moving into had the energy of a lukewarm cup of over-steeped tea, much like its owner.
Hyungwon’s penthouse was as if a picture from a magazine catalog had come to life, the type of place that is made to look at, not to live in. Pristine, classy, spacious, and lacking any form of human disposition or habitancy, similar to one of their overly expensive hotel rooms that you barely spend time in because you are too busy enjoying your vacation days outside. Every object more lavish and impersonal than the next, decor pieces that were obviously bought for him rather than his own deliberate choices, a cacophony of beige and grey furniture that felt both modern and inexplicably confining even when surrounded by windows that were supposed to enlarge the space, but only really helped convey even more the snow-globesque aspect of it all.
Walking in it made every bone in Kihyun’s body quiver with revulsion, and it felt like an eternity until Hyungwon finally stopped by two plain doors facing each other at the end of the hall, opening the left door and entering the bedroom with no ceremony.
“Make yourself at home,” the taller then said, with no effort to make it sound sincere.
The suite was an upgrade from the rest of the apartment, solemnly because Kihyun could see a little bit of navy blue peeking out from the bed set, as well as a small cactus sitting by the lampshade on the nightstand, a sign of life in the middle of the monochromatic jungle. Still, he couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that permeated his body when he passed by Hyungwon to step into his new accommodation, as though he was starring in a reality show and was now supposed to deal with, and get used to, a million cameras watching him sleep.
Kihyun examined the damask curtains with the tip of his fingers, as if whoever’s nerve to combine such tasteful design with a despicable shade of eggshell had personally offended him. “Not like I have any other options,” he muttered, more to himself than to the displeased host that watched him navigate the space with contempt.
“Right,” was all Hyungwon could manage to respond, sounding restrained and jaded. “Well, if you need anything else I’m in my roo-"
“Aren’t you gonna say something?” The older one pointedly cutted, the tone of his voice hitting Hyungwon’s courteous bullshit with the precision of a fencing sabre and popping it like a balloon.
Their eyes met across the room, the question hanging in the air for a moment like a challenge waiting to be accepted, as the youngest of the two considered if this was the best moment for them to have this conversation or not, knowing deep down that if he didn't indulge in it now it would probably come back to haunt him later.
“About what exactly?” Hyungwon inquired reluctantly, stepping more into the room and bracing himself for what he knew was about to come.
“The arrangement, the marriage, sharing a house,...” The other could tell by the sound of his voice that Kihyun was as exhausted as him, tired from running around the issue and pretending to be normal about everything for the sake of civility. “It would be nice to know that you are able to formulate your own opinion for a change, instead of regurgitating whatever your team tells you to.”
“Excuse me?” Hyungwon looked at him wide-eyed and chuckled a bit indignant, not really surprised by the affront but still provoked by it. “There is nothing to be said, everything is already settled.” He decided to respond, hoping that for once in his life the older one wouldn’t make an argument longer than it needed to be and just let him go.
But that wasn’t gonna happen today.
“Right,” Kihyun nodded, accessing the other for a second as he stepped closer. “And what about ‘I hate this’? What about ‘I think this is a nightmare’? What about ‘I hope you drop dead as soon as we get married’? What about that?” Kihyun’s face twisted with poorly concealed irritation, his emotions finally getting the best of him as he was about to pour all his frustration on top of Hyungwon’s head.
He opened his luggage carelessly then, taking his handout document from inside it and throwing it on the bed.
“Is that what our life is gonna be now? A bunch of preproduced quotes made by a group of people who couldn’t care less if we crash and burn as long as they get paid? Am I supposed to believe that this is normal? That you have nothing to say about it after ten years of always having some comment to throw at me? ‘Cause I don’t.”
Kihyun paused for a second to breathe, his thoughts moving way faster than his mouth could talk.
“I don’t believe this is normal, I don’t believe you have nothing to say, and I am tired,” he closed his eyes for a moment as his voice started to shake, the palm of his hands reaching for his eyes as he forced himself not to cry. Kihyun refused to let himself cry in front of Hyungwon. “I am so fucking tired of this bullshit act of yours. All through the evening, you kept acting like you are the calm and collected one who is so chill with everything that’s going on, and making me feel like I’m insane to be freaking the fuck out about it.”
A wave of emotions flooded Kihyun’s body, he simply couldn’t take it anymore. The idea that their lives would change forever and only him seemed affected by it made him feel like a bomb asking to explode. He was reaching for anything at this point, he would take any reaction Hyungwon gave him, anything that would take this new fucked up reality just a little back to normal.
“I’m done pretending this is fine, so for the love of god, say something,” he pleaded finally, looking at his fiancee with glossy red eyes. Kihyun needed to know that he wasn’t alone in all this, that they were both connected somehow, even if it was by hatred.
“Is that all?” Hyungwon’s response was like a gunshot to his ears, condescending while looking at the other with a blank sort of stare as if he couldn’t care less about what the older one uttered at him.
Which, to be fair, he didn’t.
Kihyun was being dramatic, as always, this engagement wasn’t about him, or even about Hyungwon for that matter, it was about money and business, and – he supposes – the future of Korea's hospitality hierarchy. They were just pawns in this game, nothing more, pitying themselves over it would only draw-out things that shouldn’t be emotionally charged, principally because sentimentalism wasn’t something either of them needed to linger on right now. What they needed was to get it together and study their lines for the interview, not this useless conversation about how fucked up their lifes have becomed, and other things both of them already knew.
“See, that’s exactly what I’m always talking about, maybe if you took anything I say seriously this wouldn’t be such a pain in the ass,” Kihyun stated, feeling his patience dissipate.
“And maybe if you weren’t such a pain in the ass I could take what you say seriously.”
Kihyun scorned, despair giving space to disdain as he looked back at Hyungwon, squinting his eyes in a mean way that was reserved only for the taller one.
“Very mature, I can’t believe I thought for a second that there was hope of dialogue, or that I could eventually get along with you.” The older man concluded, starting to unpack his bag out of frustration.
They hated each other, alright, he gets it. They have hated each other for ten years now, nothing has changed it, nothing would change it. It was useless to expect different results from things that were already cemented in reality, this whole argument was a waste of time.
“Forget it.”
Hyungwon scoffed, putting his hands inside his pockets and watching the other man carefully pile his clothes in separated sections– first dividing them by type, then organizing it by color. It always came to this, Kihyun imposing a discussion only to burn bright in the beginning and then end up frustrated by the lack of Hyungwon’s interest, or enthusiasm, in wasting his energy with pointless conversations. It wasn’t his fault though, that he just couldn’t take Kihyun seriously whenever Kihyun took himself way too seriously, almost as if he was asking to be teased by the younger.
Usually this would be the moment Hyungwon would consider letting it go, the older had already said what he wanted to say, and Hyungwon had already pissed him off by doing the opposite of what the other wanted him to do anyways, so it was the perfect moment to leave, right?
Except, they were already in this fight, and even if Kihyun had given up to continue whatever this was now, that didn’t mean he wasn’t gonna try it again another time, so Hyungwon might as well finish what they started.
“And since when are you so easy to get along with?” Hyungwon inquired provocatively. “At least someone here is trying to maintain a posture, you know? Instead of letting my feelings dictate my behavior in a situation neither of us can control.”
Kihyun's sharp eyes looked at him, a cruel gaze that always sent a shiver of electricity down Hyungwon’s spine.
“Go fuck yourself, Hyungwon,” he hissed, walking closer to where the other was by the edge of the bed. “I’m not gonna let you paint me as the irrational one for not being satisfied.”
Hyungwon towered over him for a second too long, feeling his stomach twist while assessing the older’s burning gaze. He was sick of it, sick of the way Kihyun looked at him, and the way all conversations lead to arguments; sick of the pity party, and overdramatics, and the endless accusations that make no fucking sense, as if his sole purpuse in life was to piss Kihyun off, as if he didn’t have better things to do. Hyungwon didn’t even want to be having this exchange, and somehow it was still his fault. He had enough of it, ten years to be precise, and he wasn’t about to live another decade like this.
Kihyun wanted a reaction? Okay, then here was a reaction.
“You think I orchestrated this?” Hyungwon’s voice came out darker than intended, and for the first time Kihyun actually felt like paying attention to what he was about to say. “You think I wanted you to be here? That marrying you was on my plans? Cause I can guarantee you, if you aren’t satisfied, neither am I.” He stepped closer, doe-eyes full of pent up emotion. “For the past ten years you have been nothing but a constant headache that I can’t seem to make it go away. No matter what I do, you are there to either ruin it or aggravate it, and I can’t help but feel that this marriage is just another thing that will be wrecked because of your fucking presence in it.” He closed his eyes, pressing the bridge of his nose, this was not the time to get emotional, this was not the person to let himself be emotional with. “I’m just trying to take something out of this bullshit marriage, and not let it consume me. So for once, all I ask of you is to stop being a fucking nightmare, and get over yourself.”
The room fell into silence once again, it has been a really long time since someone had made Kihyun actually think before responding. He wasn’t expecting to hear what he just had, didn’t think – by the way the discussion was progressing – that he could manage to extract such an upfront retort out of the man. However, that wasn’t exactly what made him at loss with words, but rather the lack of anger he felt, even if Hyungwon’s supposedly intentions were to be harsh and spark Kihyun’s fury, his words were still honest – a crack on the shell –, and that was all the older one had needed for a long time.
“Those are an awful lot of words for someone who had nothing to say.” Kihyun’s voice was quiet, calm. It sent another chill through Hyungwon’s spine.
When the younger man opened his eyes again Kihyun’s forehead crease had softened, the usual sharpness of his eyes subsiding into duller edges, but still holding his gaze with the same intensity. It was the first time the older one had looked at him like this, with something akin to understanding, or maybe, acknowledgement. ‘Is he… pleased?’ Hyungwon asked himself, trying to make sense of the slight upward curve on the corner of Kihyun’s lips that fairly revealed the small dimples in the apples of his face, a little too roguish for his taste. It was disconcerting, almost, to notice it, and it made the sickening twist in his guts even more prominent.
The whole thing became weird all of a sudden, like he had crossed a limit somehow, or seen something he wasn’t supposed to. Hyungwon stepped back a little, not knowing how to act, or where to look, or what to do with his hands. Kihyun just watched him, assessing, or waiting for something the younger wasn’t really sure of what it could be, because there was nothing else he wanted to say to the older one, nothing else worth it at least, he had already said too much and the response was far away from what he expected, so he did what we wanted to do since he showed the other to the guest room: turned around and left.