Archive of Our Own

Hyunjin feels a bit beside himself. Which he knows it comes off a bit dramatic but there's nothing dramatic about how Seo Changbin makes him feel.

It's mundane things that set Hyunjin off. Things he probably could see others do and feel perfectly fine. He's seen people wash dishes; he's seen people folding laundry; he's seen people in their element and excel at it. But when Changbin does any of those, he goes rabid. Something lights up inside him, a line of gunpowder and Changbin holds the matches.

He's learned throughout the years that they've known each other how to hold back, to contain the part of himself that aches to tackle Changbin to the floor if he even does something like existing. He knows, realistically, that he cannot spend every moment consuming Changbin down to his core.

But there is never a moment where Changbin doesn't occupy his thoughts. Hyunjin realized early on that it isn't in a healthy way like he would see on social media. Sure, it started off the same way; Hyunjin would hear a song and think that Changbin would like it or eat something new at a restaurant with Jeongin and think Changbin would love to try it.

But something shifted. Hyunjin would find himself waking up and his first thought would be how would Changbin look waking up next to me? He would be brushing his teeth and think how cute would Changbin look brushing his teeth? He would doomscroll for an hour over his lunch and let out a chuckle at a video and think how beautiful would Changbin's laugh sound when I show him this?

And when Changbin would finally end up in front of him, he didn't think. Hyunjin becomes devoid of almost all thought, the only thing circling in his head is ChangbinChangbinChangbinChangbinChangbin.

Hyunjin spent his entire life gravitating towards art, a stupid hobby his mother deemed but Hyunjin could never hate anything about the way it made him feel. The colors, the negative into the positive, the brushstrokes, how soft or hard they're pressed into the canvas. A form of expression when Hyunjin didn't know how to feel.

Changbin is art that makes Hyunjin feel nauseated. His hands tremble whenever he places his hand on Changbin's cheek and his guts churn and spill over onto the floor when Changbin gives him a soft smile in return. A still life portrait come alive to make Hyunjin feel like a tortured artist. The most beautiful piece of art to ever exist.

Especially the face he makes when Hyunjin slides his cock into him.

Changbin's nose scrunches up, his eyes are closed so tightly that Hyunjin can see the beginning of wrinkled divots. His lips are wet and bitten red as breathy ahs escape. Hyunjin's hands trail everywhere, every inch of skin he can see. The slope of Changbin's neck is splattered with an array of blues and purples; his nipples are swollen and pink with the silhouette of Hyunjin's canines.

He'll never get over how Changbin takes him so beautifully.

He tried to paint it once. His entire collection of paint scattered all over the floor but his canvas had stayed blank. His brain only replayed the memories over and over before he eventually tracked Changbin down and tore his clothes off before a protest even left his mouth. Not that Changbin would protest.

“Hmm, fuck. You feel so good, baby.”

Hyunjin whines, his hips bucking pathetically before going into a slow, deep grind. Fucking fuck Changbin's mouth. He pants into Changbin's stomach and takes a nip when Changbin giggles. Hyunjin is going to fucking devour him.

Hyunjin glances up through the sweaty curtain of bangs, sees his favorite flushed smile on his favorite pair of lips and reaches up to stuff two of his fingers through the part. His cock twitches when Changbin gags a little bit. “Shut up.”

A quick jerk of curly black hair is all he gets in response before a tongue wraps around his fingers, sucking them in further and all Hyunjin can do is moan. He can't bury himself any deeper—though not for lack of trying—so his fingers dig into Changbin's hip, the skin spilling out through the crevices. Hyunjin didn't think he could go anymore insane.

He picks up the pace a bit, just enough to have Changbin groaning around his fingers. Drool coats them and slips down the side of Changbin's cheek and Hyunjin leans forward to lick it up in a fervor. He's only a simple man. Changbin is so tight around him, sucking him in perfectly that Hyunjin's brain feels like a computer with dial-up internet.

“You're such a–ah fuck–” Hyunjin pulls his hips back to slam back in one fluid motion, “such a fucking slut.”

Changbin only whines, muffled around his fingers. The sticky, wet thwop of Hyunjin's cock ramming inside is the only thing Hyunjin can hear. He tries to focus on the way Changbin arches his back when Hyunjin presses into that sweet spot; tries to focus on the way Changbin's cock pathetically dribbles onto his stomach. But he can't.

Hyunjin gives a frustrated growl and stops, trying to calm his shaky breaths. Changbin wiggles underneath him and Hyunjin smacks his thigh. “You whore. Stop wiggling underneath me.”

Changbin giggles and Hyunjin almost busts from the sound. He pulls out all the way, wrapping a tight ring around the base of his cock, thinking of anything but cumming all over Changbin. Food, god, Changbin loves food. He's so cute when he eats. The way his cheeks puff out just like they do when he sucks Hyunjin's—no, stop. Grandmas? Grandmas will work. Changbin's biceps look so mouthwatering when he carries their stuff. His teeth ache to bite, chew, gnawgnawgnaw—no, anything else. Anything else.

“You good, baby?”

Hyunjin peeks an eye open and he's a goner. He manages to croak one defeated moan before he's spilling over Changbin's inner thighs, right over the bruises he made earlier. He fists his cock, his arms shaking as he leans over to rub his cum around the expanse of Changbin's skin.

It's such a bewitching sight, burned into his retinas, imprinted so deep that whenever he closes his eyes he can still see it. The insatiable monster inside him that longs to soak up every inch of Changbin rears its ugly head and Hyunjin throws himself down on top of Changbin with a grunt.

He can feel Changbin's dick dig into his abdomen, still hard and leaking. The guilt in his chest feels almost as heavy as his body does but it disappears entirely when Changbin cradles his fingers through Hyunjin's hair.

“Tired?”

Hyunjin nods, happily suffocating himself in Changbin's tits.

“Can I cum on your chest?”

Hyunjin nods again but doesn't move. Changbin laughs and kisses the top of his head. He knows Changbin will flip him over and he does. Hyunjin lands softly against the pillow and his cock gives a little pathetic kick anyway.

He's mesmerized by the way Changbin looks when he wraps a hand around his own cock, the way he spits down onto it; keeping a loose glide before flattening his palm over the tip.

Hyunjin reaches up and pinches his nipples. He basks in Changbin's broken whines, his hips twitching when he lets go, his hand moving faster over his cock.

Hyunjin bites his lip to contain the unholy noises that want to work their way out but it spills over. “God, you're—fuck, you're a fucking whore.”

It's basically impossible to keep his hands off of him. He trails his fingers over Changbin's abs, his little happy trail, his bellybutton. Everything about Changbin is so cute and loveable and fuckable—

“CanIcuminyourbellybutton?” Hyunjin bubbles out, hoping that Changbin understands him.

Changbin jerks forward a little, a choked moan before stopping all together. His ears are turning red, starting to travel down his neck and to his chest. He's such a work of art and Hyunjin wants to paint all of the pinks on Changbin's body.

“Yeah baby, shit—no, of course—” Changbin takes a deep, shuddering breath, “yeah, you can cum in my bellybutton.”

Hyunjin cannot get hard again for probably another two hours but it's the thought that counts. Hyunjin fucking adores him.

He hopes Changbin can feel the love he has for him seeping from his pores, out of every crevice in body and leaking onto the sheets. The stains will never come out and Hyunjin is okay with that.

Changbin holds out his hand to Hyunjin and Hyunjin kisses it, wishing for a moment that he had put on bright-red lipstick just so Changbin would have a lasting reminder of him after it's over.

Changbin laughs. “Spit, baby. It's dry.”

Hyunjin huffs and rolls his eyes. “Homophobic.” He spits into the cupped palm.

Changbin moans when he wraps his hand around himself again and Hyunjin aches to lean up and soak the sound into his mouth.

“Yeah, baby?” Changbin sports a cheesy grin. “What's so homophobic?”

“I was being romantic and you're dry.”

“Being dry is homophobic?”

Hyunjin huffs again, this time louder and more aggravated. “Not appreciating my romance is homophobic.”

Hyunjin doesn’t understand how Changbin is still raging hard after all the conversation but Changbin hums in understanding, apologizes for not appreciating the extent of Hyunjin's romance and his dick twitches.

Hyunjin giggles, grabbing Changbin's hand to interlock their fingers before placing another kiss on the back of it. Changbin’s eyes soften, they visibly soften, which makes Hyunjin feel so absurdly feral because how is that even a thing? He didn't think it was possible to see fondness seeping out of someone but Changbin bleeds it.

“I'm gonna marry you one day.” Hyunjin whispers.

Changbin moans, loud and unbridled. Hyunjin sees his thighs clench, his teeth gritted as he squeezes the base of his dick. Hyunjin kisses his hand again. “My pretty wife. You'd be all mine.”

“I'm— ah, shit— I'm yours baby. All yours.”

Hyunjin shivers, chewing on his bottom lip. He could listen to Changbin say that forever. It makes him feel so greedy.

He chuckles and flicks the tip of Changbin's cock. “Yeah?” He coos and flicks it again. “Wanna be my wife? Hmm baby?”

Changbin gives a shaky nod, wet whimpers spilling out of his lips. Hyunjin can only hear yeahfuckallyoursbabywannamarryyousobad before it turns into incoherent babbling. Changbin’s strokes become more fervent, jerky and loose. Hyunjin knows exactly what will send him over the edge.

He places a soft kiss on the tip of Changbin’s ring finger, a little kitten lick following just after. Something boils inside Hyunjin when he sees Changbin stutter in his movements and he takes the entirety of the finger in his mouth. His tongue traces the base, right over where Hyunjin would place his ring. His eyes roll in the back of his head at the minute salty taste, the faint aftertaste of soap exploding on his tastebuds. If it was anyone else, Hyunjin would be appalled, most likely kinkshame them.

But it’s Changbin.

This is the closest he will ever get to devouring him, heart and soul, and he can feel his dick trying to come back to life at just the taste of him.

It’s poetic in a way, he supposes.

Because the moment Hyunjin wraps his lips around Changbin’s finger and sucks, Changbin is cumming all over Hyunjin’s stomach and dick. The most euphoric feeling settles in Hyunjin’s bones at Changbin’s cum sticking to his skin, like a mind orgasm. Which he isn’t sure is a real thing but he definitely feels it right now.

Changbin gets up after a few moments, coming back with a warm rag to wipe Hyunjin and himself down. It makes Hyunjin a little miffed because he wanted Changbin on him a little longer but when Changbin tosses the rag to the side and falls on top of him, it’s wiped from his mind.

“I wanted you on me a little longer.” Hyunjin says.

Changbin raises an eyebrow as he corrals Hyunjin into his arms. “You wanted my sticky cum on you a bit longer?”

Hyunjin smacks his arms as Changbin chuckles and he pouts. “It’s not romantic when you call it that.”

“What do you want me to call it then?”

“Essence, maybe. That sounds less perverted.”

Changbin kisses his cheek, “Maybe I like it when you’re perverted. You wanted my load on you.”

Hyunjin gags and moves to pull away but Changbin drags him back with a deranged giggle. “Don’t say load.” He processes what Changbin actually said and whips his head back with a scowl. “Did you say maybe you like it? Maybe? So you don’t love me anymore?”

“No, I love it. I love you so much, you’re so gross, my gross wife.”

Hyunjin is going to have a psychiatric emergency. He can handle anyone else—literally anyone— calling him gross but when it comes from Changbin, he feels sick and moments away from committing a crime. He says as such.

“Sorry baby. You’re not gross. You’re so beautiful and amazing and I love you so much. Not gross at all.” Changbin kisses him on the lips. It’s tacky, Hyunjin’s lipgloss sticking to Changbin’s lips when he pulls away and Hyunjin feels even more insane at the sight.

Hyunjin is mesmerized and his thumb swipes over Changbin’s bottom lip, watching the way it reddens under the pressure. Everything about him is so perfect, precious, perverted—

Changbin grabs his hand to stop him, a large smile on his face. “We’ve got to get out of bed eventually. Round three can be saved for later.”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, turning away from Changbin and throwing the blankets over his body. “You have a really fun way of telling me you hate me.”

Changbin shuffles over and places a soft kiss on his temple. Hyunjin pretends it doesn’t make him want to kick his feet and scream so he pouts and keeps his mouth shut.

“I don’t hate you.” Hyunjin rolls his eyes again. “I don’t. I just want to see my pretty wife walking around our new house.”

Hyunjin knows exactly where he’s coming from. It hasn’t been long since they signed the mortgage on their new place. It had taken years of talking about, thinking about it, dreaming about it for them to finally find a place that spoke to both of them. They hated being so far from each other even before they officially got together—Seungmin will say living five minutes from each other wasn’t far, but they aggressively disagreed—and spent a majority of their free time scouring real estate websites. It took them two years, nineteen days, seven hours, and forty-eight minutes to find their forever home.

Hyunjin was never more in love with Changbin than the moment he found the countdown on his phone.

Half their stuff is still scattered around the place, unpacked and taped securely because the moment they stepped foot in here, Hyunjin felt like a rabid beast unleashed and he could take it out on Changbin. But that was the problem. They barely left the bedroom. Changbin had taken a fair amount of annual leave to transition from one place to another and Hyunjin took a break from commissions. The only time they left the bedroom was for food and even then, it was DoorDash.

They ate in bed, they both rotted on their phones in bed. They walked a few feet to the ensuite bathroom and came right back. Hyunjin loved it.

But he didn’t want to admit out loud that he is fucking scared.

There’s this giant pit in his stomach whenever he thinks about Changbin walking around the house, barefoot and half-naked, making food, singing under his breath, dancing to girl group songs when they come on the tv. It makes his head swim and he wants to consume, consume, consume the domesticity of it all. It is literally his biggest want come to life and he’s afraid that if he actually starts living it, it will all fall apart.

And it’s not fair to Changbin at all. At all. He’s always waited so long for this moment to come but Hyunjin is too selfish, self-interested, self-indulgent. Sharing Changbin in a way he never has before. It makes him want to vomit. Changbin loves him so much that he is willing to go along with it, never complaining or exasperated when Hyunjin jerks away from the notion that there is a life outside their bedroom.

That thought alone makes him want to keep Changbin here in the bedroom forever.

Hyunjin lets Changbin guide him up, the blankets still wrapped around him. It took a bit of kisses and Changbin's jokes to get Hyunjin on his feet. He even helps Hyunjin into a pair of boxers and Hyunjin tries not to throw Changbin back on the bed when he kisses his hip.

The hallway is colder than their room but it doesn't bite. Same with the kitchen. It's bare and when Hyunjin sits down on the stool, he remembers packing Changbin's frilly apron that says Kiss the Cook he got from Minho on his birthday.

He can imagine Changbin walking around the kitchen in the apron, talking to himself under his breath as he makes Hyunjin's favorite dishes and he has to take a deep breath. Re-center, re-focus.

“My mom wants to come over and help us unpack.” Changbin's back is turned when he says it, placing an instant ramen cup in the microwave. “She's only here for a couple more days until she flies back.”

He loves Changbin's mom. She was and still is their biggest supporter. Even though there's a large language barrier between them, Hyunjin can feel the love she has for them through her actions. He hates that Changbin has to translate for him when they're in the same room, it makes him feel so small and he tends to get in his own head too much.

But having her come into their place so soon after they moved makes his skin itch. He doesn't know why and it's not like he can express this feeling out loud because then Changbin will be upset and that's one thing Hyunjin can't live with at all.

“Okay. That's okay.” He tries not to sound strained when he says it.

Changbin leans against the counter and crosses his arms. Hyunjin makes sure they don't lock eyes.

“It's okay if it's not. I can tell her something came up.”

“No, it's o–it's fine. You haven't seen her in so long. Plus, I miss her. I want to see her.”

Changbin smiles, soft and sweet. “She misses you too.” He opens the microwave when it beeps. “She talks about you so much over the phone, you'd think you're her son and not me.”

Hyunjin laughs at that. The notion that someone loves Hyunjin more than they love Changbin is absolutely absurd to him.

“She tells everyone about your work,” Changbin continues, adding the second ramen cup to the microwave, “tells them how famous you are, how talented you are.”

Hyunjin blows on his ramen when it's placed in front of him, “Does she not do that with you?”

Changbin hums, thinking about it, before shaking his head, “No. Well, I mean—yeah. But I was like chopped liver the moment I started dating you.”

“I'm sorry.”

Shame starts to fill up inside him, threatening to boil over and seeping out so he keeps his eyes locked on his ramen, watching the steam curl in the air. He desperately wants to be back in their bedroom, away from everything outside of it.

“Don't be.” There's more Changbin could've added to that, Hyunjin knows. But he doesn't. It's such a Changbin answer—one that doesn't have any expectations of him, doesn't demand some sort of explanation from him.

They sit in the silence of the kitchen after that, eating cheap, undercooked noodles with disposable chopsticks. Changbin plays footsies with him under the island, over and over again until Hyunjin is choking on his laughter.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

The canvas is stained with pink. Pinks that are almost red and pinks that are almost white but every single one reminds him of Changbin. Petals of pink peonies cover the expanse of it and all he can think when he sees it is Changbin.

Jisung said once that thinking of Changbin that much had to be some form of severe mental illness but that was before he started dating Minho and has since retracted his statement. Hyunjin supposes that Jisung wasn't wrong in that. There isn't a second that goes by that he's not thinking about Changbin.

He asked Changbin about it once, right after their sixth or seventh date. His dick was softening inside Changbin but he didn't have the heart to move from inside him and he asked if Changbin thought it was normal to be this insane.

Changbin kissed him and said, “I am completely not normal about you, Hyunjin. So we can be not normal together.”

Hyunjin almost proposed to him that night.

Peonies are the first flowers Changbin ever got him. Hyunjin was exceptionally giddy and shoved them so close to his face that he sneezed too many times and Changbin giggled and it was a beautiful moment. He always expected that a guy would get him roses for a first date and he told Changbin as much.

“Your beauty would outshine the roses and everyone would notice and then I would have to lock you away.”

Hyunjin scoffed but moved his face away so Changbin wouldn’t see his cheeks reddening. That was the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to him. Like ever. And Hyunjin had a lot of boyfriends and flings before Changbin, regrettably. Changbin is literally his dream man and he is so insane at the fact that he is Hyunjin’s.

A kiss is planted on his head and he leans back with a smile so Changbin can plant another kiss on his nose. He giggles when it itches but Changbin gives him a big, dimpled smile and Hyunjin doesn't even have an ounce of annoyance in his body. Hyunjin has the urge to turn around, abandon his work and nuzzle into the plush stomach. Changbin smells like mandarins and musk, most likely sweat from his earlier workout.

“Hmm, baby,” Changbin rumbles when Hyunjin takes a nip at his stomach through his shirt, “we can’t.”

Hyunjin pouts but doesn’t say anything. He knows Changbin can see it all on his face. He wants Changbin’s cum all over his face preferably.

“My mom will be here any minute.”

That pushes a sigh from his lips. As much as Hyunjin wants everyone to know that they belong to each other, the image of Changbin’s mother walking in on them sends a shiver down his spine.

Which brings him to the next problem. He glances around and can’t help but nitpick every cluttered corner, every minute spot of paint covering the drapes.

“I need to clean up, it’s a mess.”

“Baby, you’re a painter. She’ll understand.”

Hyunjin shakes his head. It is imperative that his mother-in-law have the best image of their shared living space in mind. Clean house, clean relationship. He cannot have Changbin’s mother thinking he doesn’t take care of the house while Changbin goes to work.

“Don’t let her out onto the patio.”

He isn’t sure why his hands shake when he runs them under the sink. This isn’t the first time he has been around Changbin’s mother. When they first got together, Changbin quite literally paid for a first class round trip to Seoul for Hyunjin to meet her. She was instantly besotted with Hyunjin and they got along perfectly. Well, as much as they could with Changbin having to constantly translate. She packed an enormous amount of food before they left, smacked Changbin’s hand when he tried to open them and threatened her son with a sharp tone. He understood that she made and packed it with Hyunjin in her mind and he spent the entire flight back crying over radish kimchi.

This is their space. Their home. Hyunjin should feel over the moon that she gets to see how they live, how they share their lives. How much they love each other.

But bile builds in his throat, his heart threatens to leap out of his chest. It’s driving him fucking crazy.

All he can think about when she walks through the door is that he missed a spot. A smudge of dry, crusty paint right next to his thumb.

She barrels into the house, arms full of cloth-wrapped food and intricate designer bags. Changbin had his arms held out, anticipating a hug full of love from his mother who he hasn’t seen in ages but she shoves all of the bags into his arms. “Don’t drop them.”

She wraps Hyunjin in her embrace, but she’s so much shorter so he has to lean down for her chin to rest on his shoulder. All of the anxiety and bile built in his chest unfurls. Her hands pat his back in a pattern and he registers his boyfriend in the background struggling to take all of the bags to the kitchen. But he can’t care. Tears well in his eyes and he hugs her back, hoping that she doesn’t feel how his body is slightly shaking.

She pulls back, cupping his face in her hands. They’re cold and so lovely.

“Hyunjinnie. My precious baby.” He is glad he understands a basic amount of Korean because the words make his heart ache in his chest.

“Eomma–” Changbin calls from the kitchen, lightly quipping too fast for Hyunjin to catch what is said but he knows it must have been light-hearted by the way turns with a raised eyebrow.

Something is said because Changbin whines and huffs in that oh-so-cute way that makes Hyunjin want to devour him. On sharp glare from his mother and Changbin pouts, moving to the kitchen to set down the bags.

“Have you been well, our Hyunjinnie?” She pushes a strand of hair from his face.

His heart clenches, “Yes, eomonim.”

He isn’t sure why he was so scared. From the moment she barreled into the house, his nerves vanished, grateful and happy to be wrapped in her embrace. He can see where Changbin gets his loveliness from.

He follows her to the kitchen. Not that he has a choice, seeing as she never lets go of his hand. His thumb swipes over the back consistently, never stopping and he just might cry.

When Changbin unwraps the container, Hyunjin’s eyes go wide. He knows exactly what it is and there is so much of it.

He lets out a little gasp when he opens the two gallon-sized containers of radish kimchi. He picks one out of the container and it’s like sin on his tongue. Perfectly crunchy, spicy, just a little sweet. He flaps his at the taste and bows when he notices his mother-in-law staring with a smile.

“Does it taste good?” Hyunjin nods as fast as he possibly can. He needs her to know how much he loves her kimchi.

A stray hand reaches out from behind her to grab a piece from the open container and it’s smacked with lighting speed. His boyfriend whines and says something too fast for him to comprehend. It must’ve been something Changbin-esque because his mother-in-law rebuttals faster than the speed of light and closes the lid back onto the container.

Hyunjin raises an eyebrow in question over her head and Changbin just says, “I told you that I am chopped liver to her when you’re here.”

Hyunjin giggles when Changbin rubs his hand, grumbling under his breath.

They were in the kitchen for only a brief moment. Hyunjin made his mother-in-law a small cup of tea before he and Changbin grabbed her bags and toted them to the guest bedroom.

As they were unpacking her toiletries, Changbin’s voice echoes through the room, “Still nervous, baby?”

Hyunjin smiles and shakes his head as he fluffs the pillows on the bed. “No. I missed her.”

“I told you. You never need to be worried about how much she loves you. You’ll probably get my inheritance instead of me.”

Hyunjin laughs and throws the pillow at him. Changbin catches it and places it in the vanity chair. “You can’t say that.”

“I absolutely can. If there is one person who loves Hwang Hyunjin as much as I do, it’s Seo Changbin’s mother.”

Hyunjin shakes his head. Changbin moves from the suitcase, getting as close to Hyunjin as he can before reaching up to push a piece of hair behind his ear. It makes him want to laugh even more. Like mother, like son.

“Who wouldn’t love you?”

Hyunjin feels tears spring to his eyes. Of course Changbin is always the one to get Hyunjin going. He always has something to say that makes him want to fall in love with him more every single day.

Hyunjin says nothing and Changbin pats his butt, “Go out there and give her some company. You’re the person she’s here to see.”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes but goes anyway. He’ll only ever admit to himself that the thought of that doesn’t make him happy.

Hyunjin finds her on the balcony, fingers hovering over the lines of the peonies.

“Changbinnie first love?” It’s in English. She speaks slow and his heart clenches in his chest. Hyunjin has once told her that she never needed to speak English to him, that he would try his hardest to learn the language. Whatever Changbin said to her after was something Hyunjin never wanted to know because her eyes had misted up and she gave the longest hug and he swore her tears had stained his shirt that day.

Hyunjin nods, stepping up to stand next to her. The canvas is dry now, ready for the next layer and he runs his pad of his finger right down a petal, slightly wincing at the way the canvas sounds.

“Hyung is my first love.” He answers in Korean. It’s about all he knows. But having Changbin and love in the same sentence transcends any language barrier. It’s inevitable that the world knows how much Hyunjin loves him. He continues in English, “There were a lot of guys before him. I tried really hard to find someone who loved me for me but a lot of them just loved themselves and I thought that maybe I wasn’t worth anyone’s love.”

He takes a deep breath, trying to will away the tears building up. A hand is placed softly on his shoulder, shaking him out of it. When he meets her eyes, he sees that she is also on the precipice of tears, her hands shaking where it lays on him. He knows what she is asking without her even saying it. He nods and she pulls him into a hug.

It’s warm and comforting. He can feel all the love inside her body seeping out and latching onto him and he takes a wet inhale, the tears rising up with force again and threatening to spill over. Her hand starts to pat him in rhythm, soothing and placating and he can hear a small voice in head tell him it’s okay.

“Hyung and I met on one of my dates. I don’t think he ever told you that.” He doesn’t wait for her to answer but she knows she’s listening.

“The guy was an ass—a butthole. A major one. He spent the entire night talking about himself and when it was almost over he asked if I could pay for the dinner. That it was least I could do because I spent the entire night acting like a wet rag.”

With an incredulous laugh, he tightens his arms around her as he reminisces. “I didn’t, of course. I paid for my portion and then told the waiter he was trying to skip out of paying. I went outside and cried in the alleyway. Like a loser. A big, freaking idiot.”

She smacks his arm lightly and he laughs because of course she understood that part.

“Hyung found me when he was taking out the trash. In his cute little, white button up and apron. Stood there with the most sacred, wide eyes when he saw me squatted against the wall sobbing my heart out. You know what he said to me?”

Changbin’s voice rings out from behind him, leaning against the glass balcony doors, arms folded across his chest. His mother-in-law sniffles and squeezes Hyunjin tighter when Changbin looks over at Hyunjin and translates, “‘Did you know you’re the most beautiful person in the world?’ I still stand by it, you know.”

“Hyung, I was sitting next to a dumpster and my mascara was running down my cheeks.” Hyunjin says like that explains everything.

Changbin scoffs, walking over to brush Hyunjin’s hair out of his eyes. “Still the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life. The dumpster does not negate that fact.”

“That guy was a fucking asshole.” Changbin whispers in his ear and Hyunjin giggles.

Changbin wraps his arms around both of them, sticking his face into Hyunjin’s neck. Hyunjin has to laugh at the sight of his boyfriend on his tippy toes just so he can nuzzle into him but it makes his heart full. So completely full and bursting with love.

Hyunjin has spent his entire life wondering if love was something he’d ever have. His mother wasn’t (and still isn’t) the best, his father tends to stay out of it by living his life stuck to the recliner chair in the living room with mindless rerun tv shows playing in the background. His friends in middle and high school quickly got bored of him, making the decision to leave him behind one day and ice him out without an explanation. He searched for that love when he was old enough to realize that people noticed when he put makeup on, when he dressed nicely.

He liked that men tripped over themselves just to say hi to him and continued their pursuit when Hyunjin never gave them the time of day. Sex was something that gave him purpose. He liked the way hands felt on his skin, he liked when they whined and called him pretty and handsome because it made his skin feel hot and prickly and he couldn’t get enough of it.

When the sex was over, so was the attention. A wall was put up and suddenly he was discarded, a tool just for them to be satisfied and Hyunjin quickly learned that he was never satisfied himself. He wanted more. He wanted the nice words and lavish attention to continue outside the two hours he spent rolling around in bed with them but it never, ever came.

He tried. Too many dating apps that were fruitless, men who only thought with their dicks and most of the time wouldn’t even dream about letting Hyunjin top because he’s too pretty to be a top. You understand, right? He didn’t and went home feeling like the worst person in the world because he still let them fuck him because they pretened to care about him in that moment.

Changbin changed everything. When Hyunjin was at his lowest, crying uncontrollably next to a dumpster, Changbin had stopped short at the sight. At first, he was waiting for Changbin to kick him out. Shoo him away like he was some racoon scrambling for scraps. Instead, he had whispered that Hyunjin was the most beautiful man in the world.

Hyunjin didn’t believe it, of course. He went from thinking that Changbin was going to yell at him to thinking he was the craziest person he had ever met. But Changbin proved himself. He helped Hyunjin up and clumsily took off his apron to wipe the sweat and tears and runny mascara from his face. It rendered Changbin speechless, he remembers. He stood there for a good moment just staring before Hyunjin gently shoved at his shoulder and he stumbled on the spot.

“Sorry,” Changbin had blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, “You’re just really gorgeous. Like I didn’t think it was physically possible for someone to look… ya know?”

Hyunjin didn’t know. “Look like what?”

“Like an angel.” Changbin had sounded breathless when he said it and Hyunjin felt warm.

They exchanged names and then Changbin got him an Uber, paid for it himself despite Hyunjin’s protests and he almost didn’t want to tell the driver his address just he could stay in that alley a little longer.

Hyunjin spent the next week beside himself. Usually, he would’ve gone on a couple dates since then, taking them back to his house (or vice versa) and having mediocre sex and starting the harrowing cycle all over again.

But he couldn’t even bring himself to open any of the apps. His thumbs hovered around the icon for a moment, before he sighed and threw his phone onto the bed, Changbin’s voice on repeat. Like an angel.

It was different. There was no other way to explain how Changbin’s words made him feel. Sure, Hyunjin had heard outside of sex compliments but they were, a majority of the time, followed by a dick pic or someone asking for hole. Changbin hadn’t. Changbin ordered an Uber for Hyunjin and told him to get home safe with the brightest blush on his cheeks.

He felt starved. He felt achingly hungry. For Changbin. Changbin, with those delicious muscles that strained against his shirt. Changbin, whose smile was so devastating that Hyunjin damn near drowned in those dimples. Changbin, who he had only known for 20 short minutes. He was going fucking crazy. He just spent the time he would’ve been on a dating app on maps, looking at customer reviews and pictures, hoping he would get a hint of him in the back.

Like a plant without water, Hyunjin was wilting away.

It was Felix, his best and lovely friend, who brought up the option of Hyunjin just going back to the restaurant.

“That place is super expensive, Lix. Going there by myself seems super weird. What if I look like a stalker?”

Felix had rolled his eyes, standing up to place a gentle kiss on Hyunjin’s forehead. “We’ll go together. A friend date! Can’t look like a stalker if you’re with someone.”

“Did you not hear me when I say that place is super expensive? They don’t even have prices on the menu.”

Felix shrugged his shoulders, tapped on his phone before smiling, “I’ll just have Chan-hyung wire me some money.”

They went to the restaurant. It wasn’t as crowded in the afternoon as it was at night but Hyunjin hoped that Changbin was working that shift just so he could see him in better light.

Hyunjin wasn’t sure how much Chan-hyung had wired Felix but it must've been a lot because Felix ordered so much food. “So if he’s a server, then he has to keep doing the two-bite checkback.”

It was not a good excuse, at all.

“That is not a thing.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

”It is so a thing. Don’t be negative.”

Changbin was working that day. Hyunjin doesn’t know what he did in past life to deserve that kind of luck but he is grateful every day for his loving and meddlesome best friend.

Felix cackled. He looked over Hyunjin’s shoulders, over his head, even stood up a little bit from his seat, “Which one is he?”

Hyunjin had hoped, if only for a brief moment, that Changbin wasn’t here. It felt weird to have someone else’s eyes on, to ogle him like he was a piece of meat. Well, a piece of meat that Hyunjin claimed already. Hyunjin was already trying to grapple with the fact that people got to look at Changbin for free as walked around doing his job.

Changbin walked back from the kitchen with a fresh towel on his arm. Hyunjin lowered down in his seat a little bit. Felix, as always, was an ever-observer of context clues.

He looked so good. Unfairly good in proper lighting. His white button-up looks crisp and clean and so tight against his chest and arms and waist, oh my god his waist–

A napkin was shoved into his face. “Here. You’re drooling on the table.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Hyunjin wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Jesus. He’s fucking hot, though. Those arms.” Hyunjin threw the crumpled up napkin at his face, pouting when he caught it.

“I will let your boy toy know you’re drooling over other men, you slut.”

“I fear my boy toy will have no reaction. Well, no. He will later when he pins me to the bed–”

Hyunjin made a high-pitched noise in his throat, threw his hands over his ears just so he wasn't forced to listen to the rest of that sentence.

“Can you please not talk about your sexcapades with your straight whatever at the table?”

Felix took a bite of steak and made a little happy noise at the taste. “He’s not straight anymore. Probably more…curious?”

“You guys fuck like rabbits on the daily and he’s still on the fence about his sexuality?”

“I’m not one to make decisions about others' sexualities. Also, you just got onto me for talking about fucking at the table–”

“I just said the word! You were the one about to wax poetic about how your hole–”

“Hey. You’re back.” Hyunjin wasn’t sure when Changbin had appeared or how much he heard but Hyunjin desperately wanted to dig a deep hole and climb inside. Changbin sounded a little breathless, panting like he had run over the expanse of the entire restaurant to make it next to Hyunjin’s side.

Hyunjin tried to keep his smile demure, mindful. He didn’t want to express the chaotic joy he had felt ripping him apart inside lest Changbin got scared away and never appeared in front of him again. “Yeah.”

Changbin had looked over at Felix silently, with a raised brow before he looked back at Hyunjin in question. “Oh! This is Felix. My friend.”

Felix smiled brightly, long, blonde hair framed angelically around his freckled face and Hyunjin had to hold back on snapping, throwing a cloth napkin over his face so Changbin didn’t realize how much more beautiful he was than Hyunjin.

Changbin was unfazed, and quickly turned back to Hyunjin with sparkly eyes. “Are you enjoying your meal?”

Felix hummed, pushed a few of the vegetables around on his plate, “I like it so far, do you happen to–”

“You? How do you like it?” Changbin hadn’t even glanced Felix’s way. Hyunjin had spared his friend a quick glance, hoping that he wouldn’t pounce on Changbin and rip his throat out for interrupting. But Felix laughed. Covered his face behind his hand and held back laughter that shook his entire body.

“It’s really good. I like it.” Changbin had let out a deep breath at that, all the tension seemed to seep out of his body and Hyunjin had never felt more feral, more rabid for a man before in his life. He could not ruin this.

“Good. That’s good. I mean, I’m glad you’re enjoying. The meal, I mean.”

Hyunjin giggled, watched that familiar, heart-aching blush appear on Changbin’s cheeks at the sound.

A voice can be heard calling and Changbin looked behind him before turning back to Hyunjin. “I’m just gonna uh— yeah, get back to my tables.”

“Okay.” Hyunjin was pretty sure he looked psychotic with how wide he was smiling.

“Okay. Yeah, so–” Changbin was backing, not even taking his eyes off him, almost tripping over thin air before righting himself with a deeper blush.

Hyunjin could not get over how perfect this man was.

Once he was gone, Felix smacked the table. “Oh my god, he is fucking in love with you.”

Hyunjin cut into his steak. “He is not.”

Felix rolled his eyes. “How fucking blind do you have to be to see that that man wants you?”

As much as Hyunjin was immediately besotted, hopeful that Changbin was indeed the man that he always dreamed about, there had to be a catch. Nothing ever went well for him and he wasn’t going to trust the universe right away.

“He probably just wants to fuck me.”

“I mean, yeah. Obviously. You’re hot, who wouldn’t want to fuck you? But he looks like he would lie down in a dirty puddle in a street just so your shoes wouldn’t get dirty.”

The thing is, Hyunjin could imagine it. He could paint Changbin in every dream-man scenario he’s cooked up over the course of his life and he would fit perfectly in each one. That was dangerous. Dangerous for Hyunjin to become even more obsessed with the man he met twice and then for it all to be ruined just because he got his hopes up.

Sure, in the past, no one he had ever been with would have fit in Hyunjin’s scenarios but Felix said that was settling. Hyunjin could never take Felix seriously when he was monogamously fucking the straight TA in his Music Theory class. Settling for what he wanted seemed like a pipe dream; a bad one but a dream nonetheless.

Hyunjin settled for settling.

“Wanna come over to mine after? We can share a bottle of wine and guess which people on Grindr are closeted.” Felix said as he tapped away on his phone. It must have been Chan, judging by the crease of Felix’s eyebrows.

It was a favorite pastime of theirs. Getting wine drunk and playing guessing games on Hyunjin’s barrage of dating apps while unwarranted dick pics filter in every five seconds. Hyunjin shook his head. He had already decided he was going to go home and spend the entire night imagining Changbin taking him on a date, kissing him, asking him to spend the night.

He desperately needed Changbin's number but was stuck on the useless cycle of thinking that even though Changbin didn't seem like other men but most likely was.

Hyunjin didn’t know why he was mourning a relationship that was probably never going to happen. You’re settling. He could still hear Felix even in the back of his head.

They didn’t see Changbin for the rest of their time there. Hyunjin wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Part of him wanted Changbin to keep coming back to check on them, even if it was every five seconds because Hyunjin wanted to soak in his face. The way he breathed, the way he licked his lips, the way his chest filled the small button-up. Part of him was thankful though that Changbin was too preoccupied to come back because Hyunjin wasn’t sure he was strong enough to stop himself from tackling Changbin and taking him right there on the ground.

Felix tapped his phone to the kiosk to pay. They stood at the entrance and Hyunjin had to stop himself on multiple occasions from glancing back into the dining room to catch a glimpse of that curly-haired beauty running around.

They made it outside, Felix giving Hyunjin a kiss before getting into his Uber. Hyunjin was still mentally inside at the table with Changbin staring down at him and he wanted to stay there for a little while longer. A walk back to his apartment would keep him there until he went inside and rotted in his bed.

“Hey, Hyunjin!”

Hyunjin turned to see Changbin rushing out of the door, tripping over the ledge and righting himself before he faceplanted. Hyunjin tried–keyword tried— to hold back his laughter. He really did. But Changbin looked so shocked and winded when he looked up at Hyunjin that he couldn’t hold it back. His stomach cramped and his shoulders shook. Changbin was literally the only man he knew to make him laugh this much.

“I wanted to get your number.”

Changbin struggled to get his phone out of his pocket with the apron still around his waist and it sent Hyunjin into another wave of giggles. Changbin kept talking.

“I’m not pressuring you, of course! I just wanted to get your number and you can absolutely turn me down, I know this is really weird but–”

Hyunjin held out his phone. It stunned Changbin once more, who could only look down at Hyunjin's phone and back up again at Hyunjin.

“Here.” Hyunjin shook the phone. “Put your number in mine too.”

It was taking everything inside of Hyunjin to keep his cool, suave exterior. Granted, he didn’t need to. Changbin had caught him looking like a raccoon when they first met but he wanted to make sure the image Changbin saw from now on was someone who was cool, calm, collected and wasn’t prone to hiding next to a dumpster in an alleyway after a bad date.

It lasted all of two minutes because when they gave each other their phones back, Hyunjin giggled at the contact name Changbin put in his phone. It was just his name but next to it was a little smiling emoji with the hearts floating around its head. It was so undeniably fucking cute.

Hyunjin pocketed his phone and watched for a moment as Changbin stared at his phone with a wide grin. Eventually, Hyunjin cleared his throat, snapping Changbin out of it. “Your job.”

“What about it?”

“Aren’t you in the middle of it?”

Changbin's eyes went wide and he cursed under his breath. Which shouldn’t be so hot but Hyunjin felt like the sun started beating harder down on him when he heard it.

“I gotta–” Changbin starts scooting back to the door, “Are you sure you don’t need me to get you an Uber?”

Hyunjin shook his head. The idea that Changbin would be willing to spend all his hard-earned paychecks on Hyunjin just so he doesn’t walk home made him want to snatch Changbin up and take him home with him.

“I’m just gonna walk home. It’s not too far.”

Changbin frowned and stopped moving. “Then I’ll walk you back.”

Hyunjin giggled and pushed Changbin toward the door and tried not to think too much about how Changbin’s muscles felt under his hands.

“You need to go back inside before you get fired. I don’t want to be the reason you get fired.”

“But I–”

“Changbin.”

Changbin sighed and nodded. He gave Hyunjin a pitiful, kicked-puppy look before he went back inside. It made Hyunjin want to jump around and laugh and smell flowers and see a rainbow bloom across the sky. Instead, he went home and had a little skip in his step when he went inside.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

Changbin had asked him out on the date first. Hyunjin had, once again, fiddled with his phone, opening and closing the empty conversation he had with Changbin on his phone.

He didn’t want to seem desperate despite it being the only thing that oozed out of him whenever he thought about Changbin. It reeked, leaked from his pores like sweat and the longer he spent looking at his phone, the more he went crazy.

Hyunjin had told himself it was fine. It was completely fine. It had only been seven hours and thirteen minutes since they exchanged numbers. Hyunjin had only counted the time for completely normal reasons. Totally mundane reasoning.

Hyunjin had almost launched his phone across the room when he heard the familiar ping sound.

Changbin was the most polite texter and it made Hyunjin dizzy. He was bracing himself for the inevitable; the dick pics, the cringest sexting known to man. But Changbin used emojis that are not the eggplant or peach ones. Blushy faces and hearting Hyunjin’s replies.

Hyunjin needed him carnally. He didn’t think that having a normal conversation over the phone would make his dick stir but he was fighting demons the more Changbin sent blushy-emojis.

Hyunjin had to tell Changbin to stop. Like genuinely for his peace of mind and also for Changbin’s safety because he was astronomically positive that he would hunt Changbin down and end up on his front doorstep if he had sent one more emoji. That wasn’t the way Hyunjin explained it to Changbin, of course. He explained it like a normal, calm, rational person. (It was a bunch of keyboard smashes and the stop sign emoji.)

Changbin had sent a gif of a pouting panda and Hyunjin threw himself into his pillows to scream.

There was no possible way the cutest person ever asked Hyunjin out. Like it didn’t make sense for him.

Changbin had planned out a nice date. He explained to Hyunjin over the phone that they would be going to a really nice Italian restaurant for dinner, getting rolled ice-cream afterwards and heading to whatever secret place Changbin had planned to take him.

Felix had come over and helped Hyunjin whine over what to wear. They ended up choosing Hyunjin’s most favorite pair of jeans, tight in the waist and baggy everywhere else. It accentuated his waist along with the shredded tank top. Felix did his makeup just light enough to bring out his eyes and sent Hyunjin along with a pat on his back.

Hyunjin looked back to see Felix twiddling with his phone in his lap, staring blankly at the tv.

“I can stay with you. I can text Changbin really quick and–”

“And miss out on the date you’ve been waiting forever for? I’ll be fine. Go.”

Hyunjin sighed. He walked back over to plant a kiss on Felix’s forehead and then looked into his eyes. “He’s an idiot, you know that? You don’t have to go back.”

Felix gave a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, “He’s my idiot. I have to.”

Felix then patted Hyunjin’s thighs. “Go. Your man is waiting.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes and sneaked another kiss to Felix’s forehead. As much as he wanted to stay back and hold Felix in his lap and send scathing messages to Bang Chan from a burner account, he had a very important person waiting for him. He was done settling for settling.

It was going all going according to plan.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

It did not go according to plan.

The first thing was Changbin ran up to meet Hyunjin outside his apartment instead of driving up. He stopped in front of Hyunjin, panting, sweating profusely through his nice navy blue dress shirt. His hands were on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

“Are you okay?” Changbin didn’t look okay. He looked seconds away from collapsing at Hyunjin’s feet. ”Did you run here?”

“Yeah, I um–” Changbin held up a finger and let out a cough that hurt Hyunjin’s chest. “I was going to take my friend’s car but I couldn’t find my license so then I ordered an uber but I got a notification that it was stuck in stop-and-go traffic like five minutes before I was supposed to leave.”

“You ran all the way here then? From Clark Street?”

Changbin gave him a goofy smile. “Yeah.”

“That’s a forty-five minute walk, Changbin.”

Changbin glanced down at his watch and looked up at Hyunjin. “I shaved off ten minutes by running. Sorry for making you wait.”

Hyunjin should have been mad. He should have been upset that their reservation was 55 minutes ago and that they could not reschedule because the place was booked out until December. He should’ve been mad that his date came covered head to toe in sweat, without a vehicle, making Hyunjin wait outside in the heat.

But he couldn’t.

Whenever the dimples appeared on Changbin’s face or the blush rose to his cheeks, all Hyunjin felt was a surge to tackle the man. He wanted to stash him away in his pocket and keep him there forever.

Hell, he couldn’t even be mad when Changbin spent the entire walk to the ice cream place apologizing because Hyunjin really liked the way Changbin stuttered over his explanation. Hyunjin was in the middle of imagining melted vanilla ice cream smeared all over the top of Changbin’s lips when a whine tumbled out of said lips, pausing Hyunjin in his tracks.

He wanted to kiss them. Bite them until they’re red and swollen and bruised.

“--I didn’t realize that they were closing early tonight. Fuck.” Changbin ran his fingers through his hair. Hyunjin couldn’t think about how hot Changbin looked when he cursed. His brain couldn’t function.

“What?” Hyunjin turned to the little quaint ice cream shop with its doors locked and closed sign on the front door.

Another par for the course. This would be the point in all of his dates where he would have to power through, block the guy on the dating app when he wasn’t looking and never look back. But Hyunjin looked over to see Changbin scrolling on his phone, brow furrowed in concentration and noticed the list of ice cream shops near them and that overwhelming urge to tackle him came rushing back.

“The next one is thirty minutes away—”

He grabbed Changbin’s bicep, making Changbin look at him, “Let’s go to the next place. You said it’s a surprise and I don’t want to miss it.”

Changbin looked like he wanted to say something but instead put his phone in his backpocket, wrapping his arm around Hyunjin’s so they are interlocked. Hyunjin kept his mouth shut because he was afraid his excitement would burst out into a scream and Changbin would not be touching him anymore.

“Are you allowed to tell me where we’re going? Is it still a surprise?”

Changbrin groaned and Hyunjin had to bite back a laugh. “I really wanted it to be a surprise. I don’t want to ruin it.”

Hyunjin shook his head and squeezed his arm in comfort. “You won’t ruin it. It’ll be fun ‘cause I’ll be with you.”

Changbin hit Hyunjin with a closed fist, cheeks blazing red. It almost throws Hyunjin from Changbin’s grip but he held on tight. “Hyunjin, are you flirting with me?”

Hyunjin covered his face, in hopes that Changbin didn’t see his own blush. His limbs felt like an exposed wire just at Changbin’s attention and he didn’t know how to handle it. He cleared his throat and gazed at Changbin with a raised brow.

“If I say yes, will you tell me where we’re going?”

Hyunjin expected for Changbin to crack right away. For it to spill over his lips with a whine. What he wasn’t expecting was Changbin to pull away from Hyunjin, cup his hands over his mouth and shout, “Everyone! Hyunjin is flirting with me!”

When some woman sent Changbin a scathing look, Hyunjin stepped behind him with a glare but Changbin just pointed to himself. “Me!”

The most giddiest, craziest, rambunctious laughter spills from Changbin’s mouth. The women must have thought he was clinically insane. Hyunjin couldn’t help his smile. Staring at the top of Changbin’s head, watching it shake with laughter, he desperately wanted to wrap his arms around Changbin and never let go. It scared him a lot. Too much.

“I didn’t say yes.”

Changbin turned around with a pout and Hyunjin felt it pierce his heart.

Hyunjin held his gaze for a few moments before scoffing under breath. He reached out and pushed Changbin’s forehead away with his finger. “Fine. Yes.”

Changbin’s eyes twinkled and Hyunjin thought that he would never get tired of seeing that.

“Good. You can flirt with me more when we get to the Seoul-Tacoma tower.”

Changbin linked their arms together again but he had to drag Hyunjin along. His legs felt like lead.

“Changbin, wh–”

“I pre-ordered us the all-inclusive tickets so when we get there, we’ll get wristbands and–”

“Wait, hold on. All-inclusive. Changbin, those are like three-hundred dollars a piece.”

“Yeah.” It was framed almost like a question. “You get to go to the top of the tower and they have these really cool infrared binoculars–”

Hyunjin had to stop Changbin in his tracks before he exploded.

“Changbin, you spent six-hundred on this alone.”

“Yeah? It’s really not that much so I–”

Hyunjin stopped for a moment. Changbin almost face planted into the ground and Hyunjin had to hold him up.

“Changbin, you spent your entire paycheck on one date with me. You can’t do that.”

Changbin looked confused and Hyunjin felt even more confused. “Paycheck?”

“Yes. Your paycheck. One that you worked hard for.”

“I don’t–” Changbin cut himself off. It was bit harrowing to hear him so quiet but soon, Changbin was laughing again and it was throwing Hyunjin the fuck off. Maybe Changbin was clinically insane.

“Hyunjin, that wasn’t my job.”

Huh? “Huh?”

“My friend Seungmin accidentally broke his leg during one of his work’s baseball games. He says he’s not a big stresser but he’s the biggest one I know. I told him I would work his shifts for him until he was cleared to go back to work.”

He was an angel. Changbin was the closest thing to an angel Hyunjin would ever see. His stomach clenched and his heart twisted and all he knew was Changbin. The man he had only met twice. Changbin, with his heart on his sleeve. Changbin, with Hyunjin’s heart on his sleeve.

“I’m not good at it though. I have never worked a day in my life so Seungmin stills worries that I’m gonna mess it up and get him fired but they all love him there–”

“You’ve never worked a day in your life?” Hyunjin regretted it the moment it came out of his mouth.

Changbin was explaining how much of a good friend he was, how he went out of his way to help one of the people he cared for and all Hyunjin could focus on was that Changbin had said he never worked a day in his life.

But, it didn’t seem feasible.

Hyunjin had been working since he was 16. His mother had pushed him to get a job at the local grocery store, one of the chain ones, not the Korean one down the street because there’s no point, Hyunjin. You don’t speak any Korean so working there would do you no good. Then came the student cafe located in his university when he was 20. He worked there throughout most of his college career until senior year; that’s when he got the job at the bar just two miles from his apartment.

And Hyunjin didn’t consider himself a great functioning adult by any means. He struggled, like most people, to make ends meet and when they didn’t, he ended up strangling himself in their knots until he found someone to drown himself in. And then the cycle continued.

Changbin seemed like a well-adjusted adult. Probably not much older than him, but one of those people Hyunjin would ache to be in their shoes just for a day, where he didn’t have to rely on tips just to pay rent and random hook-ups just to feel some semblance of happiness. Hyunjin would’ve assumed that Changbin went to school on his own money, had straight-As, graduated valedictorian, and then worked little jobs here and there while he worked on his masters’ degree.

Changbin almost looked embarrassed and Hyunjin wanted to dig a deep hole and bury himself inside for centuries. He hated it.

“Well. No. My family is kind of rich and my parents baby me, so I’ve really never–”

“I need to sit down.”

Hyunjin felt dizzy. Nauseous. Downright sick. Out of all the things Hyunjin was expecting Changbin to say, it was not that.

He continued walking, though at a slower pace. Changbin seemed worried and held onto Hyunjin a bit tighter.

“So you–” Hyunjin let out a little growl. There were too many words that swirled in his brain. He could have said so many things at that moment, but none of them felt appropriate. What could Hyunjin even say to that?

“So you decided to take me to the Tower on the first date. And paid for all-inclusive tickets for the both of us on the first date.”

“Yeah. The tower has an art gallery in it too and I remembered seeing you share their posts on Instagram.”

Hyunjin had to take a deep breath. Re-center, re-focus. This was the horniest he had ever felt in a long time. Like, it was a little bit concerning. Focus.

“I shared their post like a year ago.” Hyunjin said, trying to hold back his smile at the idea of Changbin scrolling through Hyunjin’s entire feed.

“Well, I was looking for ideas and my friend Seungmin mentioned looking through your socials to get a good idea of what you might like–” The blush spread down from his cheeks to his neck and it was such a lovely shade of pink, almost the same shade as his lips.

Don’t kiss him, don’t kiss him, don’t kiss him—

“I love it.” Hyunjin squeezed Changbin’s arm tighter where he held it, hoping he was expressing how serious he was. “Like this is literally the be–you have no idea how much this means to me.”

Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou—

“You seemed pretty shocked earlier when I told you that I was rich. Are you sure you just don’t love my money?”

If it had come from anyone else, anyone else, Hyunjin would have committed a felony right there. He would have crashed out on the sidewalk in front of everyone, and wouldn't care who saw it.

But it was Changbin.

Changbin, who stood there with sparkly eyes and a devious smile, had Hyunjin pushing his shoulder and giggling at the joke. He felt like a schoolboy with a crush. It scared the shit out of him but it was placed on the burner in the back of his mind because Changbin took up most of the space in there.

They continued walking, the sun setting slowly but the golden glow stuck to Changbin’s skin like a halo, gorgeous and stricken with light. Hyunjin felt the urge to go home and pull out all of his easels and paints and hermit himself painting Changbin just like this.

They ended up getting their wristbands on when the sun passed the horizon and the stars were out in full view. It wasn’t too crowded and they were able to do most of the things there without waiting too long. Though, every moment felt like an eternity. One Hyunjin was willing to live without complaint. He liked to watch Changbin light up, giggling as he bounced around the room, desperate to try everything in there. He liked the way his eyes went wide when he looked through the binoculars and took eight million photos of the city life outside the window.

They made their way to the art gallery. It was on another floor on the tower, but it was big enough to hold a wide variety of art. Hyunjin had spent a majority of his life growing up wishing he could go here. Be face to face with the wonderful works of arts he only could see behind a screen. It felt so surreal.

Hyunjin knew exactly which painting he wanted to see. One he had favorited years ago on every platform of social media just so he could go back to it and stare at it for hours on end. His feet led him right to it, stopping right in front.

“You swear you’ve never been here? Not even on another date?”

Hyunjin couldn’t even fathom any of the previous men he dated thinking about Hyunjin in any other way than naked. It was sad but Hyunjin decided he couldn’t think about it too much or he would end up having to be institutionalized.

He shook his head, looking up at the painting. The bruised hand bore the weight of a bundle of peonies, wilted and heavy in its grasp.

“I’ve always dreamed about seeing this painting in real life. I had started a savings account just so I could come here and see it but life got in the way.” Hyunjin lifted his hand, like he was going to reach out and touch it. He didn’t, he knew security was tight there but it was the closest he had ever gotten to it and he needed to feel closer. “It’s really beautiful, isn’t it?”

“You’re really beautiful.” Hyunjin tried to not let the surprise show on his face but it must have read so easily because Changbin let out a giggle and Hyunjin followed soon after. “What? Has no one told you that before? If they haven’t, it should be considered a crime.”

Hyunjin could only giggle harder, to the point where he’s hunching over, hand over his mouth so he didn’t disturb the other patrons.

“No, it’s not that. Trust me, I have heard it before.” Changbin looked relieved at that. Hyunjin chewed on his bottom lip. “But it’s different coming from you.”

Changbin had, at some point, grabbed Hyunjin’s hand. He interlocked their fingers and Hyunjin felt how warm Changbin’s palm felt against his own.

“Then I will say it every time that I see you from now on.”

It took a lot of self-control to not take Changbin home after the date. Like an insane, not-normal amount that Hyunjin was surprised he even had. Changbin had insisted on paying for the Uber ride home even though Hyunjin already had his wallet out. That one had Hyunjin biting his lip. Then Changbin walked Hyunjin up to the front door, talking about all the cool art pieces he saw tonight. That had one Hyunjin chubbing up in his pants. He’s pretty sure that he had spent the entire conversation staring at Changbin’s lips, holding himself back so he didn’t jump him.

Even Felix was surprised when Hyunjin told him.

“You didn’t fuck him?”

“Is that a surprise?” Hyunjin hissed when he tried to grab one of the cookies off the baking sheet. Felix had smacked his hand but Hyunjin still didn’t look up at him. He didn’t want to be under Felix’s scrutinizing gaze. He also was afraid he would make eye contact with the giant hickey left on the side of Felix’s next.

“I mean…yeah. I say this with all the love in my heart but you will have sex with anything that breathes.”

“Fuck you.” He didn’t mean it. Felix was right.

But, Felix also heard all the details of their date, heard how much down bad Hyunjin was and how much he was not settling. Hyunjin was scared that if he had sex Changbin right after their first date, that would be it. Game over. Hyunjin was not very good at losing games.

“I just want to make sure that Changbin likes me for me. Not just because he wants to fuck me.”

“Of course he wants to fuck you. Have you seen you?” Hyunjin rolled his eyes but said nothing. “But I also saw the way he looked at you in the restaurant. Like you hung the moon and the stars. And you’ve met twice. For five minutes. It’s kind of weird, honestly.”

“What’s weird is your boyfriend thinks he’s still mega-straight after you sucked his dick in a Taco Bell parking lot.”

Felix laughed. “Yeah. But we’re going at our own pace. If I pressured Channie-hyung, he would like shrivel up and go catatonic.”

“Oh, he’s Channie-hyung again?”

Felix reached up to press his finger into the hickey, wincing and went back to scooping cookies off the baking sheet. “We’re talking about you, not me.”

“So you can deflect but I can’t?”

Felix sighed, slamming the spatula down on the counter with force. The smile was wiped from his face and Hyunjin felt pretty bad for pushing the issue. Well, almost. He was hoping that the conversation would steer far from Changbin. Far from Changbin and Hyunjin in a hypothetical, sexual situation. It was not good for his mental health.

“Your unwillingness to participate in a conversation about your romantic life pisses me off, you know that?”

Hyunjin said nothing, picking at the contact paper that was curling up on the edge of the counter.

“You finally, finally have a good thing going. Changbin sounds like a really good guy and unlike all the others you’ve been with before. Why are you trying to sabotage it?”

Hyunjin scoffed, pushed off from the counter to throw himself on the couch. “I’m not sabotaging anything. I’m thinking realistically.”

“You’re thinking like a fucking idiot. Let’s see,” Felix lifted up his hand to count, “One. He first saw you in an alley looking like a crackhead raccoon and called you the most beautiful person ever. Two. He had every opportunity to send you an unsolicited dick pic in the time he had your number but sent gifs of animals instead. Three. He took you to your number one date spot, paid for it all and still didn’t ask for sex.”

Felix dropped his hand and gave a deadpan look, “I think you should be more concerned that he doesn’t want to fuck you. Have you considered that possibility?”

“Fuck off, oh my god. What is your problem?”

“My problem is your a fucking idiot. You’re letting your past dictate your future because what? You found a guy who has a fucking sense of humanity and didn’t sexually harrass you five minutes into meeting like all the other ones?”

Felix moved from behind the counter, made his way towards Hyunjin and kicked his leg when he didn’t move. “Move. I’m gonna give you a hug.”

“No. Fuck off.”

Hyunjin groaned when Felix plopped down right into his lap and wrapped his arms around his neck. Hyunjin didn’t reciprocate the hug, his arms limp against the couch cushions. He started mimicking the sound of Felix’s breaths in the silence. Felix smoothed his hand on the back of Hyunjin’s head.

“You deserve to be happy, Jinnie. I can see that Changbin makes you super happy. And I’m not gonna let you sabotage it just because you are your own worst enemy.”

Hyunjin nodded. He felt Felix smile against his shoulder.

“Just go at your own pace.”

The words echoed in Hyunjin’s mind but they found no place to stick. It was a bit daunting. Hyunjin never had a pace before and he wasn’t sure where to start. But Changbin was worth it. Hyunjin would figure out how to set a pace with him, even if it killed him.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

Changbin was definitely the best thing that ever happened to him. He knew it was a bit early to say that but he had never felt this comfortable and happy than when he was around Changbin, talking to Changbin, spending time with Changbin. The second date went off without a hitch, Changbin taking Hyunjin strawberry picking. The third date was Hyunjin taking Changbin to paint-a-mug and had the best time watching Changbin struggle with the kiln. The fourth date was the movies. Changbin took Hyunjin to see the romcom he had been dying to see for ages and even was pleasantly surprised when he looked over and saw Changbin crying at the confession scene.

It felt like they had known each other for years. Their souls intertwined in the weirdest way, meshing and melding together to create something bright and pink and pure.

Hyunjin started finding his own pace. It was mostly holding himself back because Changbin was born to be Hyunjin’s dream man. He never really thought that someone holding the door open for him when they went places would get him hot and heavy but he chalked it up to a purely Changbin thing. The pace was a thin piece of plastic between Changbin and Hyunjin’s sanity. It didn’t work well but Hyunjin liked knowing it was there. Safety, control.

Hyunjin started spending more time at Changbin’s apartment than his own. It was the most beautiful apartment he had ever seen. He knew Changbin has to be fucking loaded with how he spent money. He wasn’t complaining.

Months had passed. Months.

Hyunjin hadn’t had sex in three months. Which is a long time for him. Like an astronomically long time. He spent a majority of his time jerking off in bed to Changbin’s gym selfies he posted on Insta, pathetically cumming into his hand. His libido grew more and more each day, which was weird because he usually would go celibate for four days after having sex but Changbin gave him boners every five seconds.

It was painful and he had like six open tabs on how to make boner go away???

But he couldn’t even think about the other option. Hyunjin would have liked for it to stay tucked in the back of his mind, never to resurface. Because the only other option was to actually ask Changbin to have sex with him. Which was fucking terrifying. There were too many variables. Changbin could be secretly straight. He could want to have sex with literally anyone else. He could be strictly a top.

No, he could handle the idea of Changbin being a strict top. He definitely could. He would absolutely let Changbin top him. (He thought if he repeated it enough, he would believe it. Eventually.)

The worst variable was Hyunjin’s mind. A positively, powerful overthinking organ that was his own worst enemy. It ruined the aspect of the pace Hyunjin set. The pace his own mind set in place was demolished and shred to ruins just because Changbin existed.

Hyunjin could realistically bring up the topic of sex with Changbin. It had been long enough that Hyunjin wouldn’t seem needy or overtly horny. But he was fucking scared.

What scared him was finally having sex with Changbin and getting ghosted again. Dumped. Just another number. It made him feel very fucking crazy. So he decided to take control of the situation and never ask.

Not that Changbin hadn’t expressed interest, he had.

They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. It was unspoken, an innate sense of knowing that their hands belonged on each other in any way possible. Every time their make-out sessions and heavy petting toed past the line of more, Hyunjin pulled back.

It honestly made him feel even more crazy than not asking to fuck Changbin. He desperately wanted to. It was all he thought about at this point. But the moments he had with Changbin were so dear to his heart that he couldn’t even risk fucking everything up.

Another thing that made Changbin all that more irresistible was that Changbin had seemed to exist only on Hyunjin’s wavelength. Whenever Hyunjin had to wrench himself from Changbin, on the cusp of getting carried away, he was afraid that was the last time he would see him. Hear from him. He tended not to let go of Changbin’s sleeve when he slid off of him but Changbin would giggle and kiss the top of Hyunjin’s head. Cuddle him into the couch until he ended up falling asleep.

He was still waiting for the moments when Changbin would eventually come to his senses.

“Fuck.” Hyunjin was raging hard in his pants. He knew Changbin could feel it because he was perched right on his lap.

He looked delectable. His cheeks were flushed, a beautiful pink that Hyunjin has tried to recreate on his palate multiple times with no success. His lips were cherry red, bitten and swollen and it sent a surge of pride in Hyunjin’s chest. His curly hair was fairly mused and tangled from Hyunjin’s fingers.

“Why’d you stop?” Changbin whined. It made Hyunjin smile despite the painful throb in his cock.

“I gotta go soon, baby.” Hyunjin bent down to kiss the pout on Changbin’s lips away but it only deepened further.

“Go where?” Hyunjin yelped when Changbin wrapped his arms around Hyunjin’s waist and pulled him in closer. He peppered kisses all over Hyunjin’s face and he was so close to breaking. “I’m gonna keep you captive in my lair.”

And it did sound so tempting.

It wasn’t like Hyunjin was a tenant of his own place anymore. He rarely went back to his apartment unless it was clothes or toiletries but after about a week of Hyunjin staying, Changbin just started buying them for Hyunjin, despite his protests. (It was the luxurious, expensive brands that Hyunjin could never afford. He went ring shopping that very first night.)

Hyunjin was basically paying rent on a place that hadn't stepped foot in months. Changbin had been trying for a while to get Hyunjin to just move in but Hyunjin could not explain how viscerally that sent him into panic mode. So, Hyunjin had to force himself to leave and give space between him and Changbin just so Changbin wouldn’t get tired of him and never leave him because it had happened before. But it couldn’t happen with Changbin. Ever.

“Back to my apartment.” Never home. “I have work tomorrow.”

“Your job is weird.” Changbin’s face scrunched up like he ate something sour.

“I’m a bartender.”

“Yeah, at a weird place. All these strangers get to look at you and your captivating forearms while you make them drinks.”

Hyunjin threw his head back, cackling. “Baby, it gets hot in there. I can’t exactly strip.”

“Yeah but also get to see you sweat. People should have to pay to see you sweat.”

“I’ll send you my bank account info then.”

Changbin groaned, shoving his face into Hyunjin’s chest and nuzzling there. There was silence for a moment, which made Hyunjin a bit nervous. Changbin was usually never this quiet.

“Do you not want to have sex with me?”

“What?”

Changbin pulled away, looked up at Hyunjin with an even more devastating pout. His eyes were wetter than normal, like he was about to burst into tears and Hyunjin folded instantly.

Hyunjin cupped his cheeks, “No, baby, what? What are you even talking about? Of course I do.”

“Every time we get to the point where most couples have sex, you pull away and make an excuse to leave.”

“I don’t make an–” Hyunjin’s brain overloaded. Restarted mid-sentence. “Did you say couple?”

Changbin threw his hands up, exasperated. “Yes! Of course we’re a couple, Hyunjin. You’ve been living here for three months!”

Hyunjin had never felt happier in his life. He couldn’t help the smile that stretched his cheeks. “We’re boyfriends.”

Changbin huffed, though it didn’t sound happy, there was a faint smile on Changbin’s lips. “Yes. We’re boyfriends. So I don’t understand why my boyfriend leaves every time we make out.”

What could Hyunjin even say? How could he put all of his thoughts and feelings into words that wouldn’t send Changbin running out the door the second he opened his mouth?

It was like a total overload of information. Changbin thought they had been together this entire time and Hyunjin wasn't even aware. Like he had no idea. What if Changbin thought Hyunjin didn't want to be with him? Wanted to break up with him?

“I don’t want to break up.”

Changbin’s eyes went wide and he sat up, holding onto Hyunjin’s waist so he wouldn't fall back into the coffee table. “How–wha–hold on. Who said anything about breaking up?”

“I know the moment we have sex, you’re gonna realize that I am not worth it and you’ll leave.”

“Woah.” Changbin moved to plant Hyunjin on the spot next to him. Hyunjin slipped his legs underneath himself while Changbin scooted forward just a little and stared at Hyunjin for an unnervingly long amount of time. “Okay, this is a lot.”

Hyunjin felt a wound open on his heart and he curled in further to himself. Changbin noticed. Changbin always noticed. He moved forward, shaking his head. “A lot to unpack. Sorry, I should’ve worded that better.”

Changbin’s hand grabbed Hyunjin’s, rubbing his thumb in circular motions.

“Okay, so. Let’s talk about this.”

Hyunjin whined. He didn’t want to talk about it. He wanted to go back to his apartment and hide under the covers that didn’t smell like Changbin and cry. Preferably over the pictures they took together.

“One. I am never going to leave you.” Changbin moved his head forward to meet Hyunjin’s eyes. “Ever. Like, you are stuck with me.”

Hyunjin was so close to crying right here. Changbin was really the most perfect human being in the universe. If any of Hyunjin’s past hook-ups or boyfriends had said this to him he would hightail it and file a restraining order, blocking them on every social media on his phone. But, coming from Changbin, he was ready to get one knee and run down to the courthouse right that minute.

“Two. I am not expecting sex. I only asked because you never seemed willing to go any further. But I would never, ever force or coerce you to any further than you are willing. Okay?”

Hyunjin only nodded.

“Three. I would be perfectly okay with never having sex with you if that’s what you wanted. You are not just a body to me. You are the most special person in the world to me and if I did anything to fuck that up, you have full permission to kill me and dump my body in a river.”

Hyunjin giggled, blinking away the tears. Hyunjin loved him. Hyunjin loved him so much that it was painful. And anyone would say that Hyunjin was a hopeless romantic, easily swayed by background music and soft eyes on a tv screen before he deemed a couple soulmates, even if they had a public breakup a month later. They would pull up the multiple times Hyunjin had fallen deep into a relationship, giving all of himself to someone who didn't do the same but it was okay because Hyunjin could love enough for the both of them.

He didn’t have a great track record.

Changbin was so completely different.

Sure, Hyunjin definitely was hesitant to put all of himself into this at first. He went into this thinking that they would fuck once and it would be over. But Changbin made it so easy. He made it easy for Hyunjin to be himself. He would never question if what he said or did was weird but Changbin matched it equally just moments later. Changbin never made him lay down at night and wonder if tomorrow will be better, how he could do things differently. It settled contentment down in Hyunjin’s bones, the way that pulp would settle at the bottom of a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.

He threw himself into Changbin’s arms, trying to hide the tears falling out. They soaked into Changbin’s shirt instead. Changbin patted his back, planted kisses in his hair, held him close. It brought more tears to his eyes and he slinked further into Changbin’s lap and let himself be held.

“Great talk, baby.” It was whispered into his hair. It wasn’t because Hyunjin didn’t speak at all but Changbin did all the talking for them. And it felt right, it felt so totally okay.

“I wanna fuck now.”

“Maybe we should wait until you’re feeling better, baby.”

Hyunjin shook his head, “No, I am so okay right now. I wanna have sex with you.”

Changbin kissed his forehead. So lightly that Hyunjin’s eyes fluttered close at the feeling. “Well, I want to wait until you’re feeling better. As beautiful as your tears are, I want to see them in a different context.”

“These are happy tears.”

Changbin wiped a tear trail from Hyujin’s cheek. He sucked it from his thumb like it was sauce. Hyujin giggled. “I think it’s fifty percent happy tears, hm?”

Changbin was right. They weren’t all happy tears. Some of them were ones that had been waiting years to fall over, ones that he stuffed deep inside himself that he thought they would never come out. Hyunjin nodded.

Changbin smiled, his dimples appeared and Hyunjin had to kiss one of them. “Good job, baby. Honesty is one of the sexiest things about you.”

Hyunjin had to roll his eyes at that but he said nothing and wrapped his arms around Changbin’s waist, head in his lap while Changbin ran his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair. His limbs felt heavy, his heart lighter. He always played this conversation over and over in his head but it never went well. It always ended in Hyunjin having his heart broken, losing the most important person in life and he couldn’t handle it. He never imagined that Changbin would be the most self-assured, mature person in the world.

“How are you so good at this?”

“At what, baby?”

“Arguements.”

“We didn’t argue, baby. We talked. Like people in relationships are supposed to do.”

“Well, how did you get so good at that?”

“Well, I had this ex that was a couple’s therapist–”

Hyunjin stopped him short by shooting up, glaring at him through narrowed eyes. Changbin bit his bottom lip, trying not to laugh.

“Don’t talk about your exes in front of your boyfriend.”

Changbin laughed. His eyes crinkled and the dimples came out in full force and Hyunjin had never been more sure that this was the man he had been waiting for his whole life. “You’re right, baby. I’m sorry.”

Hyunjin fell back into Changbin’s embrace, planting a small kiss over Changbin’s heart and then nuzzling into it. “I really, really like you, Binnie.”

“I really, really like you too, baby.”

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

It didn’t take long for Hyunjin and Changbin to get hot and heavy again. Honestly, Hyunjin had thought that the day after their (very much needed) conversation that would eventually go all the way but no. They went a whole week without even doing anything except exist around each other. And Hyunjin didn’t overthink it. Which was absolutely huge. He didn’t spend the entire time convincing himself that their conversation tired Changbin out. He and Changbin would wake up next to each other. Changbin would get ready for the gym while Hyunjin would get ready to pick up his dry cleaning for work. They would kiss each other goodbye, do their own separate things and then come back home until it was time for Hyunjin to go to work.

Changbin would be right there on the couch, ready to welcome Hyunjin home even at 1am.

There was so much there for Hyunjin to overthink. Like an overwhelming amount that he would have already picked apart in the past. But seeing Changbin erased even an inkling of those thoughts from his mind.

It was a night where neither had nothing going on. It was a lazy day where they spent the day doing nothing. Changbin had put on a movie that neither of them were too invested in. Not that Changbin could ever stay still through an entire movie anyway. Soon after, Changbin had Hyunjin pinned on the couch, thigh shoved between Hyunjin’s legs, biting into his neck.

Some of them were deep and some of them were soft but each bite was followed with a soft kiss and it made Hyunjin’s heart soften and his dick exponentially harder.

Eventually, Hyunjin couldn’t take it anymore. He pressed upwards until Changbin was tumbling back into the couch with Hyunjin crawling between him. Hyunjin bit, sucked, nibbled onto every part of Changbin that he could see. The sounds that came out of Changbin’s mouth were his favorite sounds ever, he couldn’t get enough.

Hyunjin brushed his fingers over Changbin’s nipples, swallowing each gasp tumbling out red lips with his tongue. Changbin tasted like buttered popcorn and diet soda, a taste Hyunjin wished he could devour and it would still be as potent as the first time he tasted it.

Changbin arched up into Hyunjin’s touch and it would be at this moment where Hyunjin would pull away, take a couple deep breaths and end up leaving. But he and Changbin had a conversation, like a normal couple would and established that Changbin would never go anywhere that Hyunjin couldn’t find him. One of the most romantic conversations Hyunjin had ever had, actually.

So, when Hyunjin did pull away and saw how debauched and torn apart Changbin looked underneath him, he blurted the only words swirling around his brain. “I’m a top.”

He waited. Not so patiently, because every second felt like micro pieces of glass embedded in his skin but he didn’t move and didn’t take his eyes off Changbin. He was waiting for Changbin to tell him he tops and that he only exclusively tops. Which would be fine. So totally fine. Hyunjin just needed Changbin any way he could give himself to him.

“Okay, baby. I’m not so it works out.” Changbin reached to get a kiss but Hyunjin is frozen, leaving Changbin laying there with his lips puckered. He didn’t even realize he was digging his fingers into Changbin’s thighs super hard until Changbin hissed in pain and Hyunjin pulled away with a muted apology.

“What’s wrong?” If Hyunjin could devour the little crease that Changbin got between his eyebrows when he was confused he would but he couldn’t because his body and brain were rebooting like 90s dial-up internet.

“You–how–uh–you’re not a top?”

“Well, I don’t prefer it.”

Changbin was weirdly and infuriatingly calm while Hyunjin was going through what he could only describe as a mid-life crisis, despite being only twenty-four years old. He had spent months cumming pathetically into his hand at the thought of him pounding Changbin into the mattress and then spending the next few business days being swallowed by guilt because there was no possible way Changbin would ever let Hyunjin top. He had heard too many times that he should never top because he didn’t look like one. What did that even mean?

Hyunjin told him as much.

“What does that even mean? What is a top supposed to look like?”

Hyunjin laughed, threw his head back and then squeezed Changbin’s beautiful tits through his slutty muscle shirt before planting a long, soft kiss on his lips.

“I am going to marry you.” Hyunjin whispered against his lips.

Time and time again, Hyunjin would wonder how Changbin could even get more perfect for him and time and time again, Changbin would have something hidden to make Hyunjin fall even harder for him.

“Promise?” Changbin asked through a smile.

Hyunjin thought that if Changbin ever stopped loving him, he wouldn’t be able to live.

Hyunjin shook his head, “It’s a threat. You’re never getting rid of me.”

“Wouldn’t even dream of it, baby.”

“Okay now take your clothes off.”

Changbin chortled but let Hyunjin manhandle him until the older was down to his boxers.

Hyunjin was impatient. His hands traveled everywhere, across the smooth plane of his stomach, his hips that spilled over the elastic from the boxers.

Hyunjin could cum just from the sight alone.

He moves back, hand balled up on his thighs and takes a deep breath.

“You okay, baby?” Changbin asked.

Hyunjin bit his lip, kept his eyes tightly shut and nodded as fast as he could. “Yeah, mm, yeah, yes, just–just give me a second.”

Changbin giggled under his breath and Hyunjin peeked his eyes open just so he could shove his hand over Changbin’s mouth. “I love you but I need you to shut up. You’re gonna make me cum.”

He could feel Changbin nod so he pulled away his hand. His chest felt heavy, burdened with deep and raucous breaths just at the sight of Changbin already looking so ruined beneath him. His sanity was being held on by a thin thread and Changbin was holding the sharp scissors.

“You love me?”

Hyunjin froze, body taut like someone poured ice down his back.

“I was really sure I was gonna be the one to say it first but it looks like you beat me to it, yeobeo.”

Hyunjin groaned. The ice melted, flowed down his spine in warming pleasure and he couldn’t help rutting right into Changbin’s crotch just ride the intense wave of it. It was absolutely motifying and he would wallow over this for years to come because who the fuck cums in their pants at the sound of their boyfriend speaking Korean? He couldn’t even look Changbin in the eye when it started dissipating because this had to have been the breaking point for the man underneath him.

“That was so fucking hot, what the fuck?”

Hyunjin whined, covering his face.

“You came just because I called you honey?”

Hyunjin smacked his chest, “It’s because you called me it in Korean, stupid.”

“Huh. I didn’t know that was a kink for you.”

Hyunjin smacked his chest again. And again and again until Changbin grabbed his wrists and held them against his chest.

“I’m not making fun of you baby.” Changbin pulled him closer with the grip on his wrists, just until Changbin’s lips were pressed right up against his ear. “I think it’s really hot that you want to hear me call you yeobeo.”

His dick kicked up when he heard it and it hurt. It hurt to get so hard so fast after cumming because it had never really happened to Hyunjin before. Changbin seemed to be a lot of his firsts and he wasn’t mad about it. Hyunjin tried to jerk away but Changbin had a tight hold on him, keeping him pressed up against him.

“Yeobeo. Jagi.”

Hyunjin gurgled, eyes rolling into the back of his head.

“Nampyeon.” Changbin, the devil that he was, licked the shell of Hyunjin’s ear and Hyunjin couldn’t hold back anymore.

Whatthefuck—

Hyunjin pulled out of Changbin’s hold, startling him before he stood up, shedding all of his clothing. His dick smacked against his stomach, red and hard and the tip leaking when his boxers fell to the ground. Usually, this part made Hyunjin self-conscious. All of his past trysts and boyfriends would go out of their way to degrade him for having a huge cock. It was useless to them since he was bottoming and they never let him forget it.

And Changbin wasn't small by any means, just significantly smaller than Hyunjin which was another contributing factor of Hyunjin's dizziness and innate horniness.

He met Changbin's gaze. The way his eyes glistened in the low light, peeking up from under his eyelashes, looking at Hyunjin like he was his entire universe.

His lower stomach clenched and he was on Changbin, their crotches colliding. He rutted, quite pathetically but he couldn't care because the movement made Changin throw his head back into the couch, eyes closed, mouth parted open just enough for the tip of his tongue to dart out and wet his dry lips.

“Holy fuck, you're insane–” Hyunjin hiccuped on one particular hard grind, “so fucking hot, oh my god.”

It wasn't long before Hyunjin had helped Changbin shimmy out of his boxers. Hyunjin threw them off to the side, not really caring where they ended up because Hyunjin was too focused on Changbin. He, realistically, did not think Changbin could get any more attractive to him. Like, at all. But his dick was something of a dream. Small in length but thick and girthy and Hyunjin wanted it in his mouth.

He slid back, helped Changbin place his legs on Hyunjin’s shoulders and Hyunjin swallowed him down in one go. Changbin jerked, delicious and beautiful whines spilled out of those lips Hyunjin adored so much. Hyunjin could taste Changbin leaking onto his tongue, steadily like a faucet. Hyunjin loved it. Loved the way his boyfriend tasted and he felt this ravenous hunger building inside him like he didn’t cum just a few moments ago.

Hyunjin made sure that he let the spit pool in his mouth, making it wet and sloppy, making sure it dripped down Changbin’s shaft and down his hips. He knew the couch would be fucked after this but he simply could not find it in himself to care.

Changbin was a sight as well, something Hyunjin ached to place on a canvas and place in a museum for all the world to see. He clutched the couch for dear life, out of breath and panting. His hips bucked upward, chasing Hyunjin’s mouth but the rest of his body pulled away as if it was too much.

Hyunjin pulled away with a wet pop, his voice husky when he demanded, “Open your eyes.”

Changbin, as always, obeyed wonderfully and his eyes popped open with a wet sheen.

“Don’t close your eyes. Keep them on me, okay?”

Changbin nodded and Hyunjin didn’t waste any time diving back in.

Hyunjin felt his skin heat up with Changbin’s gaze on him. He felt powerful and it felt perfect because he needed Changbin to be looking at him no matter what. It was important to Hyunjin to have all of Changbin’s attention because he would die without it.

“Fuck, Hyunjin–” Changbin tipped his head back, eyes threatening to close and Hyunjin pinched his thighs.

Changbin thrusted hard enough for his cock to hit the back of Hyunjin’s throat and it was pure, perfect bliss. He wanted to choke on Changbin’s cock, have his hands in his hair and fuck his mouth until tears are streaming down his cheeks. He wanted to hear Changbin grunt as he held himself back and wanted to feel Changbin’s thighs spill through his fingers as he gripped on to him.

Hyunjin swallowed him down harder, faster until his lips were numb with exertion.

“Baby, fuck, you feel–oh my god, you’re so fucking good. Look at you, so fucking pretty.”

Hyunjin was pretty sure he died and went to heaven. Like he couldn’t have thought of another possibility than that. But when Changbin reached down and rubbed his finger across Hyunjin’s cheek as it bulged full of cock, reality crashed back into him.

This was his boyfriend. His. All his. No one else can ever have him, no one else can ever see him like this, no one else will ever get to see him the way Hyunjin saw him.

Hyunjin stopped, pulling off and he pressed forward to soak up Changbin’s whines with a kiss.

“You–” Another kiss on Changbin's neck. “You are so–”

“Are you going to fuck me now, baby?”

Hyunjin’s hips kicked forward on their own volition and his cock hits Changbin’s hole and they both groan in tandem. “Gotta–hm–gotta stretch you out first.”

Hyunjin knew the noise Changbin made was one of disagreement and Hyunjin shared the sentiment. He would slide right in, stretching be damned but he absolutely could not do that to Changbin no matter how desperate and down bad he was.

Hyunjin shoved two fingers into Changbin’s mouth. “Suck.”

He wasn’t expecting it to be as erotic as it was but it had Hyunjin’s core heating up again, had something achy building up inside that was ready to burst. Changbin kept eye contact with Hyunjin as he sucked, tongue swirling around the digits like a professional and Hyunjin had to specifically focus on the motion itself otherwise he would think of all the others that came before him and he would pass away.

Hyunjin didn’t waste any time after pulling his fingers out before they prodded against Changbin’s hole. One finger gently pressed inside was enough for Hyunjin to tell that Changbin needed to be stretched. It made Hyunjin feel good inside, a puff of bravado that he would be the first one inside Changbin after a while.

He basked in Changbin’s desperate and needy sounds as he worked his way up to three fingers. He stroked that sweet spot inside him just to make Changbin gasp and moan even louder, to make his cock leak even more against his hip. It was just enough to make Changbin chase after his fingers, riding them when Hyunjin was thrusting hard enough and Hyunjin felt like he could be content with making Changbin cum just like that.

“Hyunjin, please. I’m ready. You can–ah–fuck me now. Please.”

Hyunjin would never be able to say no to Changbin and he wasn’t going to start then.

He tugged out his fingers and then looked up at Changbin. “Lube?”

“Fuck. It’s in my room.”

Neither of them had made a move to get up.

“You can use your spit.”

Hyunjin nodded, thankful that Changbin was on the same wavelength. He spit in his hand a couple of times, just to be safe, before coating his dick. Hyunjin was a bit impatient, pressing up against Changbin’s hole before the tip missed. It made them both a little frustrated and Changbin was about to say something before Hyunjin made it inside.

It was like something clicked. A puzzle with its last missing piece finally connected. They both moaned at the feeling. Hyunjin felt drunk, head swirling as he slowly pushed forward. He tried to take it slow, he didn’t want to hurt Changbin. But Changbin was nudging his hips forward, helping Hyunjin sink in deeper.

It wasn’t long before Hyunjin’s hips were flush against Changbin’s ass. It was an exquisite, mesmerizing feeling. Hyunjin was almost in tears, although that would stay in between him and Changbin because Hyunjin knew he would never hear the end of it from Felix and Jisung if he mentioned it. He didn’t even move at first, wanting to bask in how tight and hot Changbin felt around him.

Hyunjin honestly wasn’t sure how he had gone so long with being the bottom in every relationship because everything was right in the world when he was inside Changbin. The sun was shining, birds were chirping and Hyunjin was fucking the man he loved the most for the first time in the world.

The pattern started slowly. Hyunjin couldn’t start off fast because he would cum immediately. He could not. Not for the sake of his mental health. He held onto Changbin’s legs, holding them in their air as he pulled back and slid back in. All he could think about was slamming into Changbin, molding his insides to Hyunjin’s cock, ruin him for anyone else but he was going to take his time. He had to.

“Hyunjin, fuck. Faster.”

Hyunjin couldn’t help the jerk of his hips. “Shit, fuck, sorry baby, fuck you feel so good.”

Hyunjin’s actions didn’t match his words. He started slamming in faster, harder, making Changbin cry out and move his grip to Hyunjin’s waist. Hyunjin couldn’t get enough of him. His hair bounced with the force, his tits jiggled every time Hyunjin smacked against his ass. It was everything Hyunjin dreamed of, brought to life by this one man he waited his whole life for.

“You feel s’tight around my cock.” Hyunjin wasn’t sure when he started slurring his words but he was drunk. Drunk on Changbin.

“Baby, fuck, ah–”

“Fuckk–”

Hyunjin cupped Hyunjin’s face, running his thumb along his cheek, wiping away a stray tear. Changbin clutched onto his wrist, looking at Hyunjin through hooded eyes and placed a gentle kiss on his wrist. “I love you, baby.”

“Fuck, me too, me too—” Hyunjin choked out, rammed into Changbin one, two, three times before spilling into him.

Hyunjin was having an out-of-body experience. He was pretty sure he didn’t remember reaching down to jerk Changbin off but soon Changbin was spilling over his fist and Hyunjin wiped his hand on the couch before falling onto him. He didn’t even have the energy to pull out but Changbin didn’t protest, just wrapped his arms around Hyunjin.

Their breaths mixed together. Hyunjin’s balls ached, his heart pumped wildly in his chest and his brain was full of ChangbinChangbinChangbin—

“Do you think it’s normal to be this…insane?”

Changbin chuckled, kissed Hyunjin’s cheek. “I am completely not normal about you, Hyunjin. So we can be not normal together.”

Hyunjin almost proposed to him right then and there.

He didn’t.

He knew he would have forever to spend with him regardless.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

Forever laying in bed with Changbin would never get boring or old or stale. Hyunjin thinks this is one of the top ten ways to have Changbin in his life.

They had dropped his mother-in-law off at the airport a few hours ago and there was a mess of tears and hugs and Changbin held Hyunjin’s hand in the car ride home until he sniffled his way back to normalcy.

Once they got back, Hyunjin grabbed Changbin’s hand and high-tailed it to their room, pushing Changbin onto the bed and crawling up into him.

It's like magic.

His limbs go loose and his mind goes fuzzy and his heart is full of Changbin.

“What's on your mind? Hm?”

Hyunjin looks up and gives Changbin a soft peck on the lips, “I'm gonna marry you one day.”

He nuzzles back into Changbin’s chest, earning a chuckle and kiss to the head.

“Can't wait, baby.”