Chapter Text
"How was it when your child manifested?" Joss heard his dad speaking from the living room as he was about to fill his glass of water in the kitchen.
"It's one thing to have manifested as an alpha yourself, but having to handle a manifesting alpha teen was a whole other story." The other voice answered, it was a familiar voice—Gawin's dad.
"Is that why you guys took that sudden trip to the US last month?" Joss's dad asked again. Joss unconsciously froze, a chill racing up his spine, his toes desperately anchoring him to the wooden floor.
"Yeah, it was easier for us that way."
Joss furrowed his brows—thinking to himself,
'So Gawin manifested as an Alpha last month?'
'That's why he was away and didn't tell me?'
'What a prick.'
Joss was still focusing on the conversation between his dad and Gawin's when something soft and heavy hit his head.
"Dude. If you're going to listen to them talking, why not just go sit with them?" Boss came up behind him, holding a cushion that had just been used to hit his little brother's head.
"Oh fuck off, Phi!"
"You know it's rude to eavesdrop, especially when it comes to that topic."
"He didn't tell me!" Joss replied angrily.
Boss stared at Joss for a beat.
"Who?" He was genuinely confused.
"Gawin! Who else, Phi?"
"Why would he tell you? Don't be a fucking drama queen. It has nothing to do with you."
"But he's my best friend!"
"Are you fucking serious?" Boss looked at him in disbelief. He was about to say more things, but Joss was already stomping away.
Boss stood in the middle of the kitchen, processing his thoughts.
"Why the hell should Gawin tell you about Tala's manifestation? Fucking weirdo" Boss eventually said, but by then, Joss was already inside his room upstairs.
***
The next day at school, Gawin was wearing his headphones while looking at the window outside when Joss arrived at their desk.
Joss looked at how annoyingly calm Gawin was in his own bubble. Clearly not minding his surroundings—not even realizing his own best friend was coming to sit next to him.
Joss was irritated.
He made a dramatic sigh and kicked his foot under the table to get Gawin's attention.
Gawin turned his head, and a smile bloomed on his face. He put down his headphones to talk to his best friend, who made it very clear that he wasn't in a good mood.
Joss had always been that way—expressive, outgoing, loud. A complete 180 from Gawin, who was the quiet, calm, and more reserved one.
"Someone's in a bad mood," Gawin opened a conversation.
"Yeah, no shit," Joss replied, a little too loud for the whole class to hear.
"JOSS! LANGUAGE, PLEASE!" Miss Godji shouted from all the way in front of the class.
Joss didn't see that their teacher was already inside the class, ready to begin their first lesson of the day.
'Shit.'
The warning from Miss Godji was met with a wave of laughter from the other students.
"Silence! All of you!" Miss Godji was now even more irritated.
"Joss, give your comprehensive thoughts on the recently proposed bill, and why it stirs a lot of controversy."
Joss was clearly taken aback. His mind went blank.
'What bill?'
"The one we just talked about last week, in my class," Miss Godji began losing her patience.
"I uh ..." 'shit shit shit. Which one was it again?'
"If I may, Miss, I would like to answer instead. This bill had piqued my curiosity, and I had spent quite a lot of time over the weekend researching it." Gawin suddenly stood up from his seat, resting his one hand on Joss's shoulder as he spoke for the class to hear.
Joss exhaled a long breath of relief. Feeling Joss's tension loosen, Gawin tapped his shoulder twice.
Gawin began going into extensive details on the research he did about the bill. Joss listened to it intently—not because he was interested in the contents of the bill, but because he found Gawin's rounded, velvety voice calming and grounding.
He could listen to Gawin talk for hours on end.
" ... while it's true that we have many needs for an individual's secondary gender information, it is often only needed within healthcare providers and, of course, the government."
"Therefore, I am in favor of the passing of this bill so that people would be able to retain their rights to keep the confidentiality of their secondary genders, as we have seen in many other countries that have implemented it."
'Wait, what?' Joss looked up to Gawin, who was still speaking.
"The choice to share that information is ours to begin with. Much like our beliefs and religion. Tell people or don't tell people, there's nothing wrong with it. As long as the decision is fully within our control. That's the whole point of the bill, to protect your right in making that decision."
Miss Godji seemed impressed by Gawin's in-depth analysis. She nodded a few times, then asked, "How about you, Gawin? Would you share that information with, say, your friends?"
"I personally do not feel comfortable talking about that topic with people other than my own family. In fact, if I were to manifest into anything, I don't think people need to know,"
Joss blinked twice. 'Huh.'
Gawin sat back down after Miss Godji was satisfied with his answers.
Joss's eyes were still glued to Gawin. Partly in awe, but mostly surprised. He had known Gawin since the first year of high school, and they had been inseparable since. He thought he knew everything there was to know about Gawin—but now, he clearly didn't.
That fact stirred something in his chest. Something like disappointment, and other feelings that Joss couldn't quite name.
Joss eyes darted to Gawin's shoulders—framed by their white school uniform, anyone could see just how broad Gawin's torso was. He was also taller than most guys their age, although still a few inches shorter than Joss.
Gawin's arms were quite toned with firm muscles, wrapped in pale white skin—it looked unrealistically soft, almost like white silk.
His jawlines were defined, his nose bridge high. His eyes were shades of rich brown, clear like glass when the light hit them just so. His lashes were nothing like Joss had ever seen, feathery and long—angelic.
Joss's inner thought was suddenly full of questions,
'Gawin had manifested as an Alpha.'
'Alpha. Is he a dominant?'
'No Alpha could be this beautiful, right?'
But Gawin's overall appearance was, in fact, very Alpha-looking. Even if he were to hide his secondary gender from anyone, it wouldn't be a surprise if people assumed that he was an Alpha.
Although if Joss had looked closer, there were some details that didn't quite feel like those of Alpha's characteristics. Like how beautiful he was, and how delicate and gentle he was as a person.
'What does his pheromones smell like?'
Joss suddenly felt a cold hand pushing his face away.
"Stop looking at me, dude. What's wrong with you today?" Gawin mumbled. Joss could see Gawin's ears reddened.
"Sorry," Joss whispered low.
"Basketball this afternoon?" Joss asked, still whispering.
Gawin showed him the brightest smile he had ever seen, "Sure."
Those feelings stirred again in Joss's chest. Those he couldn't name. Those tingling, almost suffocating pulls on his chest.
He hit his chest three times, hard. He took deep breaths—but those weird sensations were going nowhere.
***
Half an hour under the sun felt like the whole day in hell with how hot Bangkok was that afternoon. Gawin and Joss were soaked with sweat from running around on the basketball court, and the heat certainly did not help.
Gawin was flushed red. He ran to the shaded bleachers, grabbed an ice-cold water from his backpack, and drank the whole thing. Joss followed him not long after.
Gawin put his back on the bleachers, lying down while managing to steady his breathing.
He didn't realize until later that a group of girls had been observing him. The girls made loud, high-pitched sounds as Gawin wiped the sweat on his face with his jersey, revealing the toned abs underneath.
Joss looked at the event unraveling before him in horror. He immediately dropped an unused towel to cover Gawin's exposed skin.
"Use this. Don't be gross," Joss muttered. He then swept his gaze to the loud group of girls that were clearly drooling over Gawin, and just stared at them.
The girls went silent almost instantly. Joss didn't move his gaze until the girls left the bleachers.
"You're terrifying," Gawin commented.
"Tch. Omegas," Joss snorted as he dropped to sit next to where Gawin's head rested on the bleachers.
Gawin stiffened.
"Are ... they Omegas? How do you know for sure?" Gawin asked, his voice clipped.
"They just have that ... vibe. You know,"
"You can't say things like that, J. It's rude ... and sexist."
"Yeah, yeah. Sorry," Joss said, but he didn't mean it. He wasn't really sorry. He hated Omegas; he'd always been. In fact, he hated all of it—secondary genders, Alphas, and Omegas alike.
It was because of these genetics that he had lost his mom during childbirth.
Joss's dad was a dominant Alpha, and his mom was a Beta. The first pregnancy—Boss, went well, mainly because Boss was a Beta like his mom.
The second pregnancy was extremely difficult because Joss was born with Alpha genetics. Only Omegas could safely give birth to Alphas. The odds are extremely low for Betas to be able to safely give birth to Alphas, and in Joss's case, unfortunately, his mom didn't make it.
Some traits were apparent right away, even during pregnancy, especially dominant ones—like in Joss's case. However, some traits didn't present at all until much later when the children manifested.
Joss didn't know his mom, and he hated himself for it.
As soon as he was old enough to understand what happened, there was a part of him that blamed himself for what happened to his mom. Another part of him hated his dad for letting it happen to his mom.
As he grew older, however, and with the help of years of therapy, he could understand that it wasn't entirely his dad's decision. It was his mom's as well. They chose to be together, no matter the cost.
It was sort of beautiful, but it was also kind of fucked up.
Joss couldn't understand the willingness to sacrifice oneself just to be with another person. Well, not yet, at least.
Though he knew he was born an Alpha, he hadn't yet manifested and had his first rut. He just hoped it wouldn't come soon.
Now, however, after hearing that Gawin had manifested into an Alpha, he felt extremely restless. Partly because it could mean that it was his turn to manifest anytime soon, and partly because that fact alone—Alpha Gawin—well, he just didn't like it.
Gawin never mentioned anything about his trait before, so Joss assumed that he must've been a Beta. Now he knew that it was because Gawin deliberately chose not to tell people about his secondary gender. Either that, or his trait had just appeared the moment he manifested.
Either way, Joss felt betrayed. The fact that Gawin chose not to tell him was making him sad.
"Are you okay, J?" Gawin's calm voice cut through the noises in Joss's head.
"What are you thinking about?" Gawin asked again.
"G,"
"Yeah?"
"Is there anything you want to tell me?"
Gawin furrowed his brows, "What do you want me to tell you?"
"I don't know ... just ... stuff ... you want to tell me. Is there anything?"
"You're being weird, J," Gawin got up to sit next to Joss.
Joss shrugged.
Gawin went on talking about other things. As much as Joss wanted to press him about the manifestation, he couldn't. Gawin deserved his privacy. He wasn't going to make his best friend feel uncomfortable around him.
Having Gawin by his side was more important than anything.
Maybe Gawin would open up to him once his turn to manifest came.
Joss looked at the guy sitting next to him. Gawin was talking about the NBA game that was on over the weekend. He noticed a few strands of hair fell in front of Gawin's eye.
Joss didn't know what came over him, but he felt this pull to reach out his hand and push the strands of hair away from Gawin's face. His fingers brushed Gawin's temple in the process.
Gawin jolted for a second, then froze in his place.
Joss pulled his hand back, but felt heat linger on the tips of his fingers that had just come in contact with Gawin's skin.
"Sorry," Joss blurted.
"You sure you're okay, J?"
"No. Yeah. I mean ... I'm good. I've just been a bit out of it lately. Maybe it's the heat. The weather's been crazy hot these days."
Gawin stood up from his seat. "Let's go, then. I'll treat you to some ice cream."
The weather might be scorching, but the smile on Gawin's face was a cool breeze that made the heat feel like an afterthought.
***
Joss felt worse that evening. His body temperature skyrocketed. The world suddenly felt agonizingly loud. The air felt heavy, and the clothes he wore felt like sandpaper on his skin.
His vision blurred, clouded around the edges. His whole body ached, with pain, with intent. There was this desperate need to possess and claim.
Then it hit him, his first rut had finally snapped into place.
It was as if his blood was replaced with liquid fire.
The signs had been there all week. The sensory overload. The rising body temperature. The brain fog. The mood swings. He just chose to brush them off.
Joss fell to the floorboard with a loud thud, hitting the coffee table in front of him.
How unfortunate it was that he had his first rut when everyone was away—his dad on a business trip and Boss was staying at his dorm near the university.
Joss stayed crouching on the floorboard for he didn't know how long.
'Please. Please. Please'
"J? Joss? Can you hear me?" A pair of cold hands suddenly found their way to Joss's heated cheeks.
It was by some miracle that Gawin found him lying on the floor.
***
Gawin had sensed it all week long. He should've seen it coming. The signs were there. The signs that Tala also experienced right before her first rut last month.
Joss had been different. The constant terrible mood—a lot more swearing than usual. The overbearing neediness, especially around Gawin.
And then the stares. The God damn intense stares.
Gawin had been in love with Joss since the day he laid eyes on him. Burying his feelings lately felt like torture more so than ever before, especially with Joss's eyes constantly on him.
Then there was all that touching and the clinginess. Joss had no sense of personal space when it came to Gawin, but lately it was getting worse. Like today, Joss had been pestering him all day to stay over at his place because he said he didn't like being alone in such a big house.
It was just an excuse, Gawin knew that all too well.
He stayed over a lot, anyway. At least once a week, and it was always because of Joss's request. Being the simp he was, Gawin wasn't going to refuse. He couldn't.
When he entered Joss's house that evening, he sensed something heavy and suffocating in the air. Then he saw Joss on the floor.
"J? Joss? Can you hear me?" Gawin lifted Joss's head to have a look at his face. He was clearly burning up.
"Hey, it's me. Gawin. You're going to be okay. I'm right here," He pulled Joss into his embrace and drew long strokes over Joss's back with his hands.
Joss nestled into Gawin's embrace, his nose found its way onto Gawin's neck. Inhaling deep breaths.
His hands clung to Gawin's sides.
"G. You smell so good."
Gawin stilled.
'Is this what they call scenting? But I haven't manifested into anything yet. I shouldn't have any smell.'
'Don't be ridiculous, Gawin. Maybe it's just from the soap or something.'
"Hey, let's get you comfortable, okay, J? Let's move to bed."
Gawin didn't know how he managed to help Joss walk from the living room to his bedroom upstairs. Especially with how big Joss was.
Joss lay on the bed, still clinging to Gawin. At one point, he pulled Gawin closer so they were pressed together tightly.
Joss put his arms around Gawin and nestled his nose on his nape.
Gawin couldn't smell any pheromones, but he could sense that the air around them had gone heavy and thick. It was getting harder to breathe properly.
Joss's hands around him didn't help. His heartbeat was racing.
Gawin suddenly remembered something that Tala took during her first rut. A medicine that she kept everywhere, just in case her first rut snapped out of nowhere.
"Hey, don't you have emergency meds for your rut?"
Joss just groaned in response. Gawin tried to wiggle out of Joss's arms, but the latter only tightened his grip.
"G, you smell so good," Joss mumbled. His hands roamed around Gawin's chest and down to his abs.
Gawin didn't know what to do.
He then felt something hard poking his ass.
'Sweet mother of God, ' Gawin wanted to cry.
Joss's nose nuzzled closer underneath Gawin's jawlines. As he inhaled the scent from Gawin's skin, his mouth opened to have a taste as well.
Gawin moaned before he could register what was happening.
It snapped something in Joss.
In one swift movement, Joss had Gawin pinned down underneath him.
Joss lurched forward to press his lips onto Gawin's neck once again.
"J, please. You're going to regret this."
Joss didn't seem to hear him.
"J"
"Joss, please," He gasped as Joss's teeth began grazing on his skin.
Gawin wanted to be with Joss. It was all he ever dreamed of ever since the first year of high school, but not like this. Not while Joss was under the heavy influence of his own pheromones.
"Joss, for God's sake!" Desperate to escape, Gawin pivoted and snapped a powerful kick onto Joss's side; the blow landed with sharp precision against his abs.
Joss let out a sharp gasp, hitting the floorboard with a loud thud.
Gawin saw the opportunity to run to the ensuite bathroom, frantically searching inside Joss's cabinet—hoping to find the emergency Alpha suppressant.
'Bingo'
***
Gawin didn't remember how he managed to give the pills to Joss, but he did. Joss calmed down and fell asleep shortly after. He then notified Joss's dad, who arrived home immediately the morning after.
"I don't know how to thank you for this, Gawin. I'm really grateful you're here to protect him," Joss's dad paused, his eyes examining the red spot clearly visible on Gawin's neck.
"Did Joss ..."
"No," Gawin cut in before Joss's dad could say anything remotely embarrassing.
"Don't worry, nothing happened. I handled it right away," Gawin tried to be as nonchalant as possible, but he couldn't stop the heat that crept up his neck as he recalled the events of last night.
Joss's dad let out a relieved sigh, "Good thing you're not an Omega, right?"
"Yeah. Luckily, I'm not."
'Hopefully'
***
Joss was absent for a week, and Gawin was secretly grateful he was away for as long as he did because he wasn't ready to face Joss—not after what happened.
Not after Joss kept calling his name during his rut. Even in his sleep, even after the pills.
Not after the scenting and everything else.
He tried to brush it off—tried convincing himself that maybe it was because he was the only person there.
However, Gawin had seen Tala's first rut before—and she wasn't calling any names. She just looked like she had been in a lot of pain.
The first day Joss returned to school, he seemed normal. Calm, even. He hadn't mentioned what happened that night, which Gawin was grateful for. Maybe Joss didn't remember.
But as much as he was grateful that Joss might not remember, a part of him was a little bit disappointed.
Joss told him how his dad got him a doctor who visited every day and taught him how to properly control his pheromones. He also told Gawin that he had a suppressant microchip planted on his nape. He was surprisingly very open about all of those things.
"My dad talked to me last night—well, more like, he gave me a warning," Joss said during their walk home from school.
"What is it?" Gawin asked. He could sense the air around Joss getting heavier and tighter.
Joss's eyes went darker, "He warned me not to make the same mistake he did."
Gawin halted his steps.
Joss turned around to meet his eyes. "He said I should only be with an Omega. Especially because I'm a dominant."
Silence stretched between them for a few seconds.
Joss held his gaze on Gawin, like he was waiting for him to say something—anything.
Gawin hesitated for a moment but finally said, "You know he's right."
For a split second, Gawin could see the hurt in Joss's eyes—which confused him.
Joss lowered his gaze to the ground for a beat, then looked up to meet Gawin's eyes again.
"I fucking hate Omegas. I will never ever want to be with one,"
Gawin didn't know why, but he felt as if his heart was torn into pieces upon hearing it. It was confusing, but the pain was undeniably real.
***
"Okay," Gawin said.
'Just okay?' Joss was surprised by the indifference in Gawin's tone.
"Don't you want to ask why?" He pressed.
Gawin gave a weak smile, his eyes somehow went damp. Did Joss see it wrong, or did Gawin look like he was about to cry?
"I've known you since 10th grade. I'm saying I understand." Gawin muttered, then continued walking.
"No, there's something else you need to know," Joss quickly added. He matched his steps with Gawin's, walking beside him.
Gawin didn't say anything.
"I ... I don't want to be with an Omega. I'd rather be with an Alpha," Joss said carefully.
'Because you are an Alpha, G'—these last words were stuck on the back of his throat, unable to find their way out.
Joss bit his tongue as he waited for Gawin's reaction.
Gawin held his breath. Joss could see Gawin's face getting paler, and his eyes were painted with little streaks of red.
Gawin didn't say anything for a while, and the silence was deafening.
Joss's palms began sweating.
"Okay. That's nice," Gawin finally said, though his gaze seemed to be looking far away ahead.
Joss stopped on his feet, while Gawin kept walking ahead.
Joss stared and stared at Gawin's back. As Gawin kept walking, his figure became smaller and smaller.
Maybe Gawin wasn't ready to talk about these things with Joss. Maybe Joss had said it too early. Maybe Gawin needed more time to let him in.
Joss sighed and thought to himself,
'It's okay, G. I'll wait. And when you're ready, I'll be here.'
Joss moved his feet again, catching up to Gawin's steps, and walked quietly beside him.