Work Text:
The very first signs of spring have arrived. The snow is melting, pelted by rain. The wind is blowing hard. It'd be too cold to go outside. But my room is the warmest in the house, to the point of discomfort, and so the window is cracked open. I clutch Yin to my chest, face in his hair. His breathing. The fabric of his clothes.
I don't deserve the silence. I don't even know if I want it. Yin always says he wished he had understood sooner, the reason I misbehaved. Yin says he didn't intend on anyone hating me except him. He says he's sorry. All the time. I tell him reminiscing is stupid. I don't tell him he deserves to be sorry forever.
Because I like him. Of course I love him, he's my brother. But I like him too. It's different. I swear it's different. I like his hair, his breathing, and the fabric of his clothes. I like it when he pays attention to me. I like his presence in my bed.
The pitter patter slows. The air gets warmer. I don't let go, despite myself. The thought scares me like nothing in the world sometimes, letting go. I tell myself I don't need him. Nobody else will catch me when I crash and burn.
I hate you, I need you.
I'm scared we'll be separated from each other if anyone finds out what we're doing. I act like I couldn't care less. My chest is rising and falling too fast against his back.
He puts his hand over mine and squeezes. My breath shakes.
Everything stops.