Archive of Our Own

Suguru Geto barely turned eighteen, he’s the best student in his grade and he’s bored. He knows he’s starting university soon, already daydreaming about Tokyo. 

He sighs as the light shines through his classroom's window, making him squint at the black board. The teacher is a middle-aged man with a monotone sort of voice, the kind that can put you to sleep no matter the topic. Suguru’s been dealing with him since fifth grade, and each year, he takes note of the way Harada-sensei's hairline gets higher and higher. 

“Man, Harada-sensei is always so dull, but his tests are somehow the most difficult,” one of his classmates complains during the break, “Do you think we should schedule some group study evenings for next week?” 

“Sure,” Suguru agrees to it half-heartedly, not really paying attention to the conversation. Suguru gets excellent grades because he's a dutiful student, even when he doesn’t have much interest in the topic at hand. To make life a little easier on himself, he tries to be pleasantly social, and that, combined with his looks, makes him extremely popular. 

“I bet Suguru doesn’t want or need to study with us,” one of the girls they’re sitting with says. Long hair, bangs and braces, “He’s smart enough to pass the test without a fuss.” 

She throws him a look and Suguru smiles - over the years, he’s managed to perfect a pleasant, understanding sort of expression, and cultivate the persona of someone who is humble and hardworking. The girl likes him but she's not brave enough to confess, and Suguru’s glad for that. He's not interested in girls, not in the romantic sense - he likes admiring girls, with their long hair and skirts and jewelry and their painted nails, envisions himself looking like that, letting his hair long and loose and pushing it demurely behind his ear, or wearing pretty skirts that twirl. 

Suguru started wearing his nails longer than strictly appropriate for a boy, and shaping them in dainty little almonds. He paints his nails and toe nails black, every Sunday evening, makes sure they’re perfectly shiny.  His mom looks at him a little sadly whenever she sees it, his dad scoffs.

“It'll be different when I'm older,” he tells himself, “when I move away from here, I'll be able to do all the things I want to do.”

Suguru’s left to his own devices often, as his parents often work nightshifts and long, extra hours - but he’s a dutiful son, and while he lives under their roof, he doesn’t break the rules. He never wants to give his parents reasons to scold him, never talks back, never lashes out, he’s always polite and apologetic. Whenever he feels anger or resentment bubbling up to the surface, he just pushes back down and wrestles it into submission. 

Only sometimes does he catch glimpses of a potential freedom he’s never known, and it’s so close to him that he can taste it on his tongue. Pierced ears and long hair, being admired by people who shouldn’t look at him. Sometimes he teases the older men that make eyes at him, flirts when he knows he shouldn’t. 

When his father’s friends come over one evening, he wears too-short shorts and bends over in such a way that they’ll look at him. Bare thighs, bare knees, bare ankles, and after he leaves the room,  he hears one of them say to his father, 

“Your son is pretty like a daughter. Are you sure you’ve named him well?” 

His father scoffs at the remark, Suguru doesn’t hear his answer. All he knows is that, whenever his father’s friends visit again, Suguru’s asked to dress more conservatively. 

“You dress like a whore looking to make some money. Stop it.” 

“Yes, father.” 

But the thrill it gives him is impossible to deny, one of the little things that spark him out of his apathy. It’s playing with fire, he knows, he’s been told before - but there’s excitement in toeing at the edge of that, with plausible deniability.

One of his classmates asks him to meet behind the gym after class. Suguru thinks he’s going to confess to him, and wonders if he should go at all. It’s one of the boys that keeps giving him looks, staring more boldly that the others do, often asking Suguru to sit with him for lunch. Asks him to study together alone from time to time. 

Suguru isn’t particularly attracted to him, but he’s curious. He’s never had a boyfriend before, and thinks maybe he should give dating a chance. It’s something to do, maybe it’ll pass the time better. And he doesn’t want to go to Tokyo as a sad little virgin, that’ll be so embarrassing, wouldn’t it? Maybe he should take this chance to start doing something with boys, rather than just fantasise about it. 

Of course, as soon as he gets there, the other boy is nervously wringing his hands together and sweating. 

“I like you so much. Do you like me back too? Please accept my feelings.” 

His voice breaks a little, and Suguru thinks it’s a little pathetic. He’s tall enough though, almost as tall as Suguru, and not too ugly. Plain looking, but Suguru doesn’t need him to be extraordinary, he just needs someone to lose time with. Suguru tries to scold the annoyance off his features, but he’s not sure how fully he is able to do it. 

“Thank you for telling me,” he responds, polite and airy, “I will have to think about it.” 

But then, as an afterthought- 

“Do you wanna try holding hands together?” 

The boy’s hand is all sweaty and sticky, and Suguru doesn’t particularly feel anything when they touch. 

He’s neither disappointed, nor excited. Rather, he feels nothing in particular. 

Suguru’s always been aware of his own preferences - he knew he was into men from a very young age. His parents would leave him alone with the door locked when they had to work, and sometimes he’d stay up too late watching movies he shouldn’t have. He liked it when schoolgirls were being seduced by older cool men, and realised pretty soon he wanted to be the one getting seduced. 

After sitting with that realization for a bit, he started looking around to see if there was anyone to match the type of man he saw on screen - had to be older, had to be cool and handsome. Should be able to carry him around if he swooned. 

The problem is - there was no one around to match that type. So Suguru had to switch gears a little - if he wasn’t able to find someone he wanted, he could at least turn himself into the one others craved. 

As he walks home, he pulls the tie out of his hair before stepping into the convenience store. The cashier there is a guy in his twenties - never went to university, stuck in a small town. Suguru likes flirting with him from time to time. Nothing serious, just pushing his hair behind his ear and tilting his head to the side, looking more interested than he really is.  

“Oh, hey, Suguru,” his stands up a little straighter when he sees Suguru walk in, “Finish school already?” 

“Hmmhm. I’m just here to get something before I go home,” Suguru picks up a small drink, walks over to the register and smile, “So how have you been?” He’s read about this trick where you’re supposed to look someone in the eyes, and then look at their mouth, and then back at their eyes, and he tries to practice it from time to time to see how men stumble over themselves. 

When he sees the guys pause and lose his concentration for a second, he chuckles. 

Suguru doesn’t want any of the guys that give him attention, but he’s hooked on the thrill of being wanted.

“Oh, there’s this thing I’m going to this weekend - ” 

Always trying to get Suguru on a date somewhere, but he doesn’t want to take a guy that’s working in a convenience store and always has a wispy day-old mustache on his face. 

He likes to keep his experiments at a safe distance - not allow them too close to him. 

“I can’t, I’m sorry, I have things to do, you know -“ 

And then, from the corner of his eye, he sees someone else coming into the store. And Suguru doesn’t recognize their silhouette, so he turns to look - a guy that’s way too big and tall for him to recognize, dresses all in black. Doesn’t spare them any attention and just goes straight for the back, where the food and liquor is. 

The cashier is saying something but Suguru doesn’t really care. 

“Who’s that?” He cuts him off. 

“Oh, that? I dunno. Some guy. Not from around here.” 

“Right.” 

Suguru frowns. Takes his drink and reaches for his wallet,

“Oh don’t worry. Your little drink’s on me.” 

Of course it’s on him. Whatever Suguru buys for himself, it’s always on him. 

“You’re so sweet. Next time, maybe I’ll give you a kiss,” Suguru says with a wink, blows his a kiss as pushes the door to the convenience store and steps outside. 

They say sons take their looks from their mother, and nowhere is it as true as in Suguru. They both have the same eyes, the same delicate brows. The same soft, rounded shape to their mouths, the luscious hair and the slim, long fingers. Suguru sees his mannerism reflected in her often, and he’s not sure if he’s supposed to correct or lean into the femininity of it. 

When he was young, he was always more interested in feminine things - dresses and jewelry and make-up. His mom indulged him at first, allowed him in her wardrobe, did his make-up, painted his nails. They let him have his hair long when he was little, and he loved it. 

“Why are you letting him walk around like a girl? Do you want us raising a bitch?”

And his mom argued - 

“He’s just a boy. He’ll grow out of it eventually, I’m just having fun with him.” 

They used to argue about Suguru a lot, and his mom eventually stopped letting him play like a girl. They sent him to martial arts and hoped he’ll pick up other interests. 

Now that he’s of age, his hair’s long and his ears are pierced and his nails are always long… He doesn’t hear his parents fight anymore, but he wonders if his dad still blames his disappointment on mom, if they still argue that she messed him up by letting him play with lipstick and dresses instead of eating dirt in the backyard. 

Suguru’s never done anything stupid or dangerous - sure, he thinks about running away sometimes, fantasizes about being reckless, but he’s always been much too careful. He has his eyes set on Tokyo, and the opportunity to escape the sleepy claustrophobia of his small town, never wanted to do something to jeopardize that. Boredom gets to him every once in a while, sometimes to the point where he wants to claw his skin off, inertia paralyzing to the point that he lays around in bed disassociating until it’s too much. 

Often, he has to force himself out of long spells of malaise with physical activity - then, he just finds himself walking around, or biking till his legs are sore. By far, his favorite activity is roller-skating, even though his skates are now half a size too small and they keep biting into his skin whenever he takes them out. Still, there’s nothing close to the pleasure of wandering off for hours at the time and zipping around quiet streets, music in his ears. Just letting his body move. 

It’s during one of those evenings - early-spring wind, his cheeks red from it, damp hair - he realizes he’s gone too far, and ended up further away than he’s meant to. 

Right at the edge of town, where there’s a stony, shallow beach and the chalky cliffs surrounding it. It’s already starting to get dark, and Suguru doesn’t know how long it would take him to get home - too long. 

“Shit,” he murmurs to himself. His parents are working a late shift, but that only means there’s no one home to call to pick him up. He’ll just have to turn around and go home, but he’s already tired, and - well. Nothing to be done about it now. 

The beach is cold and the waters are murky, with very few coming here even during the summer. There’s cabins that people will sometimes rent out during the summer, but he doesn’t expect anyone to be there so late in the year - Suguru sits on a small bench in front of one of the cabin, takes off backpack and starts to unbuckle his roller skates. His toes have gone numb, he wants to put on his trainers and walk home. Oh, his feet are going to hurt so bad, but that’s what he gets for losing himself in the repetitive movement of it, and then - 

A small, golden light turns on behind. 

“What are you doing here, brat?”

Suguru startles so hard he yelps and jumps, trainer in hand and determined to use it as a weapon if need be. He turns around quickly and then has to look up, because the man standing in front of him is so big that Suguru’s neck hurts looking up at him. His knees go weak under him, and feels himself go pale.  

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly, standing up from the bench and bowing, ”I had no idea there was anyone here, I got lost and I -” 

He realizes what he said and closes his mouth with a snap. 

Shit. 

Weird man, empty beach, late at night. There’s no one around, his parents are at work. If something happens to him, no one’s gonna know until next morning - he swallows nervously. Shouldn’t have told him you got lost, dummy, he tells himself. 

“I’ll just leave,” Suguru adds, and wants to walk away. 

“You're bleeding through your socks,” the man says, pointing at Suguru’s legs. His skates are too tight and they’ve been eating into his flesh, “And you wanna leave without putting any shoes on? Don’t be stupid,” he rolls his eyes. Makes Suguru feel very silly indeed, but he doesn’t want to linger here, this whole thing is freaking him out.

Suguru’s holding onto his shoe with both hands and fidgeting on the cold, coarse sand. Wearing knee pads over his leggings, and a big old red hoodie that was supposed to keep him warm while he skated. Now, the wind is salty-cool, cutting through the worn out cotton, and it’s making him shiver. 

It’s just him and thing strange, large man, out on a beach where no one ever comes. His feet are bloody and he’s tired - Suguru could turn around and run, but he doesn’t think he’d make it far enough, and there’s nowhere to run to. It’s too dark to make it to town. There’s about a thousand scenarios running through his head, vague thoughts and ideas, and then nothing at all - 

Suguru sighs, and then just sits down on the bench again, slumping forward. 

“I’m really sorry about trespassing. I didn’t realize there was anyone living here.” 

“Just put your shoes on and stop apologizing. What do you think I’m gonna do - eat you?” he says with a smirk and a shake of his head, but Suguru freezes as he’s tying his shoelaces. 

His throat bobs, and he looks up at him, straining his neck. Parted lips and butterfly lashes, the bad angle is making his jaw lax. He’s rabbit-hearted in his chest, blood close to his skin. The man notices, and laughs. 

“Oh, you do think that, don’t you?”

“No, I -“

He crouches in front of Suguru, too close to be comfortable, and Suguru’s forced to look at him - he’s got green eyes, and too many teeth in his mouth, and a scar on his lip. Hair that’s too long over his forehand. Suguru can’t look away. 

“Relax, red-riding hood, I don’t plan on eating you. Not hungry enough for that.” 

Suguru flushes, and turns his head to the side. Chews on his bottom lip, and then sets his brow - he knows when he’s being teased, but it feels odd when it comes from an intimidating stranger. It’s not cruel, but it makes his stomach  

“My name is Suguru,” he says, keep his voice deliberately slow so he can control it. 

“Charmed.” 

“What’s your name?” 

“Why do you want to know?” 

“I suppose I’m just being polite. Should I call you mister?” 

Suguru keeps his back straight, refuses to lean on the bench despite feeling tension scratching at his spine. Puts his hands on his knees like he does when he’s in class. 

The man tilts his head to the side to study him, looking vaguely amused and interested. As if Suguru is some strange animal that landed on doorstep. 

“Why are you out late at night looking for trouble, Suguru? What if you run into some kind of a creep?”

Suguru thinks he’s voice is too deep to pull off the casual airiness of the teasing without it seeming anything other than a threat.  

“Are you a creep, mister? Have you changed your mind about eating me?” 

“Ah, that’s better, see? There’s some snark in you, when you’re not stumbling over yourself apologizing.”

Suguru frowns, but then, if this man likes him more when he’s sassy, he can be sassy. Only part of it is anxiousness - the other is Suguru’s deep-seated need to get someone to like him. 

“You haven’t told me your name, mister.” 

A gust of sea-wind blows over them, ruffles through their hair and Suguru’s clothes, runs a shudder through him. Gooseflesh on his arms. 

“My name’s Fushiguro Toji,” he says, and then opens the door to the cabin, takes an old flannel shirt from the coat rack and drapes it over Suguru’s shoulders, “You need to get back in town, Suguru?” 

Suguru pulls the edges of the shirt over himself, and nods. The garment smells sand and salt, something that’s been sitting outside on the beach for too long. Barely any human scent to it at all. 

“Say ‘please’ and I’ll drive you home” he says, with a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. The scar’s a little distracting, Suguru thinks, because he can’t help but imagine how it got there.

“Fushiguro-san, can you please drive me to town?” he finds himself saying, making his voice higher and sweeter. Bats his lashes too - not too much, just enough for an effect. 

Fushiguro Toji crosses his arms over his chest, and doesn’t say anything as he looks at Suguru, his head cocked to the side as Suguru looks up at him, lazy blinks and forcing himself to breath slow. The way Fushiguro Toji stares at him is uncomfortably penetrating, but there’s no shying away from it. Rather, Suguru felt emboldened by it, wanting to sit up straighter and shake out his hair, as if he were an unruly mare.

Men stared at him all the time, and he knew how the weight of their gaze felt. Half lust and half disgust, some combination of the two. Wanting to possess a pretty, young boy, but disgusted with the impulse of it, Suguru often likes poking at those emotions in them. 

This feels different. Feels like he’s searching for something on Suguru’s face, but he can’t quite put his finger on what it’s supposed to be. Sincerity, maybe. Something else? Whatever, it’s just weird and intense, because the light from the cabin is dim and golden and the beach around them is dark, the waters foaming as they hit the shoreline. 

Then the tension breaks.

“Sure, kid. Let’s take you back to town.” 

Fushiguro Toji drives a car that’s likely older than Suguru himself - a pick-up that’s full of junks and equipment in the back. Suguru gets in the passenger seat, puts on the safety belt and tries to be as unobtrusive as possible.

“So, where am I suppose to take you?” 

Suguru gives him his address without a second thought, and that makes him chuckle and shake his head. Doesn’t comment on it, though.

“You go to school here, I suppose. What year are you in?” 

“I‘m in the 12th grade”

“That means your what? Eighteen?” 

“Yeah, I just turned eighteen.”

He looks out the car window, trying to seem disinterested but he’s actually following the lines of the street, just to check. There’s nothing to do if the man decides to do something to him, but he wants to stay vigilant. And then, he keeps stealing glances at the driver. - 

“You a good student, Suguru?” He asks without looking at him, but Suguru’s slightly mesmerised by the way streetlights cast shadows and sharpness over his face. He’s handsome in an old-fashioned sort of way, like old actors that play warriors in movies rather than the pretty Vkei stars and the idols he follows.

“Yes. I’m going to Tokyo for university once I graduate.” 

“Heh. Craving that big city life, yeah? I don’t blame you, there’s nothing to do here, is there? Sometimes I think about picking up my shit and moving back to Tokyo or Kyoto, or maybe somewhere else. Who knows? Don’t think I’m built for small town life.” 

Surprisingly, he’s much more of a yapper than Suguru expected him to be. Maybe because he’s living all alone in a shack on the beach and lacks company. 

“How did you end up here, anyways? I hope you don’t mind me asking, but no one ever moves here. There’s no jobs, and the scenery isn’t anything worth it either.”

“Found a place to rent for cheap,” he shrugs, like that’s enough of a reason, “I wasn’t looking to go anywhere in particular, I just wanted to get away from where I was. Needed a change of pace, different environment,” He laughs to himself, like it’s a joke, and throws Suguru a knowing smile, “You’ll get it when you’re older.” 

Suguru doesn’t like being reminded of how young he is. He feels older, and people in his high school are boring and uninteresting as a whole. He gets a shiver of disgust and passing anxiousness thinking that Fushiguro Toji might see him like that too - silly, uninteresting schoolboy. Too young to know any better. 

It’s a longer drive than anticipated, Suguru hadn’t even realized how far away he was. Makes sense why he was so tired, muscles in his thighs still aching from the effort. The man realizes too, and comments on it. 

“So Suguru, tell me - how’d you end up on my front porch? You’re pretty far away from home, and it’s late. Shouldn’t you be somewhere hanging out with friends, not roaming out in the dark all alone? ”

He doesn’t know what to answer, and searches for something that might be safe to say. Nothing comes to mind, and when he opens his mouth, he impulsively answers with the truth -  

“I don’t mind being alone.” 

The closer they get to Suguru’s home, the more streetlights, and cars in front of driveways. The nervousness in his belly doesn’t ever settle. Suguru turns his head, chin on his shoulder, looking at Fushiguro Toji while he’s driving - both hands on the steering wheel, sleeves pulled up. Big hands, big fingers, veins running up his forearms, tendons and muscle moving under his skin. 

“Yeah, you seem like the kind. All up in your head all the time, aren’t you?” 

Suguru thinks this man could hurt him very badly if he wanted too, it wouldn’t even take much effort to do so. Suguru has a split second vision of the man’s hand wrapped around his neck, his own nails digging into the meat of his arm to push him away. 

“Maybe I’m just prone to seasonal depression. Days have been getting shorter, and - ” 

He trails off. Toji catches him staring at him, the width of his shoulders under the ratty sweater he’s wearing. He doesn’t say anything, but he’s amused, and Suguru’s ears flush. He has to blink away the thoughts in his head, puts his elbow on the car door and hides his cheek in his palm. 

Thank god it’s close to his house. 

“Here we are,” Toji says as he parks the car in front of Suguru’s house, “Say “thank you” and I can send you off,” He grins at Suguru and it makes his stomach flip, his fingers feel clumsy when he has to unbuckle his seat-belt.  

“Thank you for the ride, have a good night, and - ” he says it hurriedly, reaching out to open the door. Now that he can see the front door of his house, blood rushing through his body like crazy, everything feels heightened. Feels it whooshing in his ear.

“Hey Suguru - ” the man stops him before he gets out of the car, and Suguru turns around to face him, “Let me give you some advice, yeah? Don’t get into cars with strange men again.”

The absurdity of it hits him, and he chuckles. 

“I’ll see you around, Fushiguro-san.” 

Suguru’s brave enough to throw him looks over his shoulder as he walks down the length of the driveway, keeps glancing back just to see if he’s still there. Car only drives off after Suguru’s back inside the house, and at that point he locks the door, presses his back against it and puts a hand on his chest. His heart is beating wildly, legs turn into jelly. 

Suguru doesn’t dare move away from the door for several minutes - he keeps listening for movement outside, maybe Fushiguro Toji decides to come back to knock on his door. He sits there and listens to any movement from outside. When nothing like that happens, he simultaneously feels relieved and slightly disappointed. He ignores it in himself, swallows it down.

Slowly, Suguru starts calming. He takes off his shoes and his kneepads with shaky hands, walks up the stairs to his bedroom and flops on the bed. He doesn’t turn on the lights, doesn’t undress, just lays on the bed in darkness, with the scent of the wind in his hair and a strange man’s shirt wrapped around his body. 

He’s slightly hungry but he doesn’t want to move. There’s this strange tension in his body - physical effort and pain in his muscles, exhaustion, sweat and cold clinging to his limbs and a heat in his guts. Excitement and fear. 

Suguru bites his lip as he lays on the bed, rubs his thighs together. His skin feels clammy and oversensitive, his nipples poking at the cotton of his shirt. Before he can think about it, he turns on his side, one knee to his chest, rocks his hips against his mattress. 

There’s no thoughts in his head as he does it, just the tension in his body that wants to be released. Suguru rubs his swollen cock against the mattress, sucks on his own fingers to get them wet and reaches back finger himself, ass in the air. He presses against his hole to tease himself before sliding one finger in. 

Often, as he works on himself closer and closer to the edge, his head fills with fantasies of nameless faceless men that pin him down and have his way with him, gets off on the thought of someone forcing pleasure onto him despite his protests. He doesn’t want it, he’s a good boy, he’d never…but there’s someone else that pins him down and proves that there’s no choice but to feel it. This time is not different - only now he conjures up a face - green eyes, sharp teeth, predator sort of grin. 

At school, that boy throws him lingering looks when Suguru passes him by on the corridors or in the lunch-room, but he doesn’t approach him again. Suguru plans on talking him to eventually, but then he always gets distracted by something else - not really interested in having him as a boyfriend, though he made up his mind about accepting it eventually. He doesn’t have anything to do with his, but he likes the idea of having a boyfriend. 

Suguru decides he’ll let him stew for a few more days, but he makes sure to smile and bat his lashes whenever he passes him by. 

That same day, when he goes home, he passes by the convenience store, and pauses when he sees it: Toji Fushiguro’s car, parked right in front of it. 

Right. 

Of course. 

There’s not too many places to shop in town, and he has to shop somewhere, doesn’t he? It’s just that Suguru’s taken aback - he’s convinced himself he hallucinated the whole encounter, or at least he’s been working really hard not to think about it. 

Him. 

Suguru’s been working really hard not to think about him, only it’s difficult because lately Suguru finds himself laying in bed and fantasizing about that night - he cooks up all sort of scenarios of what could have happened, himself with the clothes all torn up and this man he only just met on top of him, forcing himself onto him. It’s the sort of fantasy he has often, but it’s different when you have someone in mind. 

Suddenly his knees feel weak in the middle of the street, an unexpected bout of shiness washing over him as his stomach twists. 

There’s two possibilities here -  either he passes by without looking and pretends the man doesn’t exist anymore, or he goes inside and tries to talk to him again. And Suguru’s ever the careful type, but usually the voice in his head reminds him not to embarrass his parents, not to make his dad upset, only nowadays they’re focused on more important things, they don’t care to be as strict with Suguru. 

The voice in his head is silent, and his legs make the decision for him. He’s walking into the convenience store before he even made his mind about it. 

“Hey, Suguru,” the cashier calls out to him, but Suguru is distracted. Ignores him. 

He can see Toji Fushiguro in the back, the top of his head as tall as the product shelves as he scans them. Beer and meat and pre-made food in his shopping cart. At first he doesn’t seem to notice Suguru - he should turn around and leave, turn around and leave, and -  

“It’s creepy to just sit there and stare,” Toji Fushiguro says as he looks over his shoulder, startling Suguru and making him blush. 

“Ah, so sorry, Fushiguro-san,” he giggles slightly to hide his awkwardness, pushes his bangs behind his ear, “It’s impolite to sneak up on old people, I know. I didn’t mean to startle you.” 

He turns around to look Suguru up and down, not disinterested. There’s a sly sort of glimmer in his eyes that Suguru catches, and it makes him bounce on the balls of his feet a little, involuntarily. 

“You’re mouthy for a country brat, you know that?” His lips quirk to the side, the tips of Suguru’s ears heat as he looks up at him. 

“I’m not, I’m not, I promise - this is my walk home from school, and I saw your car - ” Toji raises an eyebrow and Suguru corrects himself quickly, “I know you're new in town and I thought I would say hello.” 

“How nice of you. I bet everyone in town loves you, don’t they?” He’s teasing Suguru, rolling his eyes at him but at the same time, he looks amused.  

“It’s only polite, isn’t it?” Suguru knows how to be charming, especially with older men. Perfected it over the years when his dad’s friends came over for drinks, “I get snacks from here whenever I go home,” Suguru elaborates, and then picks up a bag of sour candies to hold up in front of him, “This, and a drink.” 

Toji squints a little as he looks at him, like he’s trying to figure out what Suguru’s behaviour is all about, trying to judge how to respond to him. Suguru thinks it’ll be awkward if he misread him, but - 

“Yeah? Go get your drink then.”

Suguru smiles at him. 

“I want popsicles too, if I’m here. Do you want one? The lemon flavour is the best.” 

But he’s already picking up two popsicles and offering it to the older man. He lets him with his hand outstretched as he looks at the popsicle and then at Suguru. He doesn’t look convinced, and just turns to walk to the register. 

“Come on, I gotta pay for this shit.”

Suguru follows one step behind, stealing glances up at him. He’s the biggest man Suguru’s ever seen, and it’s really startling to see just how he seems to fill up the entire space. Suguru’s tall for a boy his age, taller than his classmates and the people he meets on the daily, hasn’t ever felt small like this compared to anyone else. It’s making him act funny, head very empty, can’t look anywhere else, even though the cashier is obviously upset that he’s being ignored. 

The cashier has to put things in bags after Toji pays for them, and Suguru snatches up his popsicle before it’s put away, breaks the seal of it and sucks on it. Bright yellow and sharp, and walks out of the convenience store after Toji without saying anything else.  He’s not usually the greedy kind, but feels like sticking something in his mouth to keep it busy. 

“Are you going to take me home, too?” 

“Should I? Aren’t you stretching it a little?” 

“Am I? You already know where I live.”

Toji shakes his head with a laugh as he gets into the car. Suguru doesn’t make a move until the passenger’s door opens too, and Suguru gets inside. Lets his schoolbag on the floor, keeps the popsicle between his lips as he puts on the seat-belt. Feels the cold sticky sweet melt and drip on his chin. Toji just looks at him, hands on the steering wheel, slightly amused.  

“What did I say the last time I saw you, Suguru?” and there’s a playful edge to the prodding. Intrigued, now that he’s settled more into Suguru’s presence. 

“Don’t get into cars with strange men,” Suguru recites, “Though I’m not sure if you’re a stranger anymore, are you?” Suguru’s got an uncharacteristic sort of boldness. It’s not that he’s shy usually, it’s just that he feels like putting on a different sort of air. 

Toji laughs at that, there’s an edge of mockery in it. 

He starts the car, and it lurches forward, noisy engine vibrating through the whole body. Suguru leans back in the seat, resists the urge to look at him until he fails.  

“Aren’t I? What do you know about me except my name?” he teases with a sharp grin. 

“Nothing, I guess. I think if you wanted to rob us, you would have done so by now.” 

“Yeah, but what if I’m not interested in whatever old silverware your mom has. What if I want something else?” 

The air in the car shifts for one brief second, and Suguru’s breath catches in his throat. He doesn’t turn his head to look at Toji because that’ll give it away, because he gets the implication there and doesn’t know how to react. His stomach clenches. 

“Are you going to get hungry enough to eat me?” 

It’s not the answer Toji expected, forces a laugh out of him and diffuses the atmosphere enough that Suguru can breathe again. 

“You know kid, at first I didn’t really get if you’re playing around because you’re clueless, or if you know what you’re doing. ” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about -” 

“Sure, you don’t,” he rolls his eyes, “What do you call all this then?” 

Suguru shrugs. 

“I’m just bored. You seem like an interesting man,” he pauses, sucks on his popsicle and twists it around, “Someone confessed to me yesterday,” he says, words coming out of his mouth before he can stop them. 

“Congratulations,” Suguru can hear the eyeroll in his voice, “I bet you get that a lot.” 

“Not as often as you’d think, no. But it happens sometimes.” 

Toji grins at him. 

“Was it the cashier at the 7/11? Is that why he was glaring daggers at me, because you weren’t paying attention to him.” 

Suguru licks the sticky fruit juice off his lips. 

“Usually he’s the one buying my snacks after school.” 

“Gross. You need to ask for fancier shit.” 

“Nothing fancy around here worth having.” 

“Yeah, can’t really buy designer around here, can you?” 

Suguru laughs at the ludicrous idea of getting a designer anything just from battling his lashes a little. 

“There’s no one rich enough for that either. Can you not stop in front of the house? I don’t know if my parents are home yet.”  

Toji just throws him a look as he pulls over a few houses away from his own. Shady alleyway with trees where neighbours rarely walk by. Suguru appreciates him not parking in front, and he’s not in a hurry to leave, but he doesn’t know what to say to keep the conversation going. Finds himself fidgeting in his seat. 

Toji doesn’t say anything either, so there’s a long silence stretching between them. Not exactly comfortable, but he’s unable to break. 

“Suguru, look at me,” Toji’s voice is so stern that he can’t help but comply. 

Suguru turns to him and tilts his chin up, gazes straight into his eyes and tries not to cower at the intensity of it, feeling himself melt into the seat as his heart hammers. He’s not sure what Toji’s trying to find as he searches his face for clues, all he knows is that he feels small and vulnerable. Wonders if rabbits feel like this when predators corner them, if he’s gonna get his throat bitten. 

It only lasts a second or two before the tension breaks and Toji takes the bag of Suguru bough and opens it. He takes one of them, peach rings with sour sugar on them, and makes a face while chewing on it. 

“These are trash.” 

Suguru chuckles softly and holds his hand out expectantly.

“Can I have some too, please?” 

Toji’s right, they really aren’t that good. The sugar isn’t gritty enough or sour enough, the jelly too sweet. 

“Yeah, I wasn’t really paying attention to what I picked up.” 

He looks at Toji sheepishly, between his lashes. There’s a slight scowl passing over his features, momentarily annoyed and then it doesn’t really soften, but changes. Mouth quirks on the side with the scar, and eyebrow raised. 

“So why’d you get them, then?” 

The right amount of honesty can be disarming if used correctly, but Suguru can’t get himself to say it. 

I just wanted a reason to talk to you. 

Blood rushes to his cheeks and he turns away. He’s sure Toji knows, because he looks at Suguru like he’s considering what to do with him. Grabs another handful of gummies from the candy bag and stuffs them in his mouth, chewing on them even if he doesn't enjoy them. 

“I’m keeping these, then. Go home, Suguru.” 

Suguru unbuckles his seat belt and gets out of the car. 

“See you around?” he says hopefully, trying to feel his excitement at bay.

“Heh. Maybe”

Alright. 

Good Enough. 

It’s a weekend day and Suguru allows himself to sleep in. His parents use Sunday mornings for shopping, and they’re out of the house when he awakes, late into the morning. Stretches and writhes on the sheets, takes a long shower while no one is in the house. Puts on underwear only and uses Fushiguro Toji’s shirt as a bathrobe, pulling it over his naked shoulders as he goes about the rest of his routine. Shaves his legs, puts on perfume, paints his fingernails to match his toes, shiny black.

Suguru angles the mirror in his room so that he can see himself from bed, hair loose and making faces - rolling his eyes, biting his lips, head thrown back. He masturbates on his back, head on his pillow, knees spread as far as they go, three fingers inside and scratches his pretty manicured nails over his nipples. He forces himself to moan, and listens to himself as he does it, trying to practice which one sounds best. 

Suguru’s pretty sure he could get Fushiguro Toji to fuck him if he tries. 

He’s never done that sort of thing before because he’s never found anyone to inspire enough curiosity in him to want to. Well, he’s curious enough now - Suguru’s always been interested in sex, but it’s always been in the abstract of it, touching on feelings and sensations and wants with no one in particular, just the need to be touched and held down and fucked, aimless. 

Ever since he met that man by the sea, the fantasies started to catch a different sort of shape. At least they had someone at their center, Suguru thinks, and imagines himself being smothered in his arms. The shirt he wears around his naked body is slightly damp - Suguru’s sweat and the moisture of his hair, and scent of the old flannel that’s been worn outside.

Suguru cums all over himself, and it shines on his stomach, the dips of his abdomen. He looks at his reflection in the mirror, red-cheeked and panting, slim waist and hair stuck to his neck. When he pulls his fingers out, his hole twitches lewdly, and Fushiguro Toji’s shirt hangs down on one of his shoulders.

Tuesday afternoon in the library, and boy that confessed to him comes back, asks if he can join him while studying. Suguru says yes. He doesn’t try anything, he actually just opens his book and reads for schoolwork, it’s actually Suguru that keeps eyeing him. 

This is the kind of person he should be in a relationship with. He should like this boy. Why doesn’t he like this boy? 

“Do you want to kiss me?” Suguru asks, all of a sudden. The guys face shoots up from his book, looking frazzled. He nods, moves closer to Suguru. Very nervously he moves in, obviously not knowing what to do, presses his lips against Suguru’s. 

It’s alright. Doesn’t feel like anything much. 

Suguru’s disappointed, and he doesn’t want to repeat it. 

“Does this mean you like me back?” 

He asks, and Suguru just shrugs. 

“Sure. I like you.” 

But when he gets home that evening, he’s just upset and disappointed in himself for the lie. Why doesn’t he like this guy? Not even a little? No butterflies, no emotion, being kissed for the first time and it felt like touching a piece of wet chicken to his lips. This boy likes him, and Suguru should like him too, right? Instead there’s nothing, just detached curiosity and the ghost of things he should feel, but doesn’t. 

Suguru’s mom goes to visit her sister for a few days, and he’s left alone with his dad. 

It’s getting harder and harder to navigate their relationship, both of them just moving around each other. Not really talking. He expects Suguru to cook while his mom is away, scowls when he catches sight of his pierced ears or the nailpolish. 

Suguru thinks both of them should be used to this by now. Apparently not. 

Usually, his dad goes to work before Suguru goes to school - so one morning, he just lays there in bed, listening to the front door close shut and decides he’s just not going to go to school today. Instead, he goes back to sleep, wakes up at ten and then takes a long time in the shower. Spends an extra-long time on his hair, even puts on mascara. 

It’s already afternoon when he grabs his bike and races it across town, going through back alleys so he doesn’t meet up with anyone familiar. Everyone’s still at school or at work, and with some luck, no one is going to know he’s missing. He’s got his phone in case his mom calls, and he knows his dad would rather work late than spend an extra hour along with Suguru. Peddling fast, street by street. He tries to keep his head empty. 

“What are you doing?” He mutters to himself as the beach comes into view, and the cottage is a lonely form against the backdrop of the sea. The weather is too cold for the beach and the clothes he’s wearing aren’t warm enough. 

He should turn away and leave. 

He’s never done anything reckless before, has he? 

Never less than a perfect score on a test. 

Instead, he leaves his bike on the edge of the sand, walks up the path to the cabin and knocks on the door. Has to knock three times before he answers, and the door swings open like it’s about to get pulled out of its hinges. Suguru’s just frozen on the spot there, looking up at Toji as the man looks down at him. He’s surprised and pissed off all the same, with eyes that are hard and cold and narrow like Suguru’s angered him with his presence. 

Suguru’s sensitive to the moods of others, and careful in how he acts around him. He averts his eyes and lowers his chin, letting his hair cover his face. He doesn’t see the look on Toji’s face, but hears him sigh and soften, his stance relaxing. 

“We gotta stop meeting like this, Suguru. Shouldn’t you be at school?”

“Should I be? I suppose you’re right. I just didn’t feel like going.” 

Suguru shrugs at him and smiles,  and dares to look back at him - doesn’t raise his chin, just his gaze, makes eyes at him from between his lashes. He’s got that sort of comfortable masculinity that makes Suguru’s tongue stick to the roof of his mouth, and a solid physicality to it. It’s the wide shoulders or the biceps, something that makes it seem like all the winds and waves of the sea would break against him. 

A shiver runs through Suguru’s body and shakes him everywhere, and Toji makes an exasperated noise as he pulls him into the cabin by his shoulder, but doesn’t close the door behind him. Suguru leans against the wall by the doorway, toes off his shoes to be polite. Toji puts about three steps between as he sits on the unmade bed. He’s wearing sweatpants and a wrinkled black t-shirt, his hair still mused. Looks like he just woke up.

Toji catches him staring and raises an eyebrow at him and Suguru grins with half a mouth. 

“Bears also go into hibernation this time of the year,” he offers lightly, and it makes Toji laugh. He looks Suguru up and down and shakes his head.

“Well what do bears do when you wake them up from hibernation then?” 

“I imagine they’re not really pleased. They get aggressive and territorial. Might end up being eaten.” 

“Yeah. So why are you out here messing with me when you know better?"  

“I’m not messing with you,” he insists, petulant, “I’m just -  ” 

“Bored?” Toji supplies, snorting, “Yeah, you said that before. That excuse doesn’t meant anything.” 

Suguru looks around the beach house - exposed wood build, tatami on the floor, one bed. There’s a whole bunch of clutter lying around, and half-packed luggage. A table littered with junk food. A big suitcase peeking out of the closet, a small fridge and a laptop. Surprisingly ordinary, if spartan. He’s not sure what he was expecting. 

“I just thought you might appreciate a little company, no? What else do you do all day?”

Toji’s gaze follows him around the room as Suguru wanders though his space. Would a caged bear attack you if you were in its enclosure?

“And you’re just generous with your time, hmmm? Looking out for the elderly?”

“Something like that. How old are you anyways?” 

“Old. I’ll be sixty soon.” 

Suguru bursts out laughing. 

“You’re not sixty.”

“Maybe I am,” Toji smirks at him and chuckles, “I could be. Either way, it’s none of your business.” 

Suguru walks over to the table, picks up the same packet of sour gummies that he made Toji buy for him. It’s still mostly intact, if a little harder. He digs into the pack, takes one and puts it in his mouth. Licks the sour crystals off of it.

 “I got my first kiss yesterday.” 

Toji sighs, gets up from the bed and walks over to the table. Sticks his hand in the candy bag and Suguru feels the pressure of his fingers as he rummages through it, taking out way too many. 

“Was it really fucking romantic? Everything you wanted it to be?” He’s being nasty and sarcastic to diminish it, but Suguru doesn’t feel any embarrassment. 

“No. I don’t like him like that,” Suguru hoist himself up on Toji’s table, swings his legs as he talks. Sucks on a sour gummy until his lips stain red.  

“Heh. Well, everyone’s first kiss is usually terrible. Don’t sweat it.” But there’s a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth when he asks it, makes Suguru’s heart speed up. Blood pounding against the thin skin on his wrist. 

“I asked him to kiss me. I wanted to see what it was like.” 

“Oh, so that’s how you operate. You don’t even like him, but you lead him along - ” He wipes his hands of sour-sugar on his pants, sits down on the old, sun-bleached chair at the head of the table, and Suguru turns around to his side, slightly mesmerized by his muscles as he moves, the way his shirt is too tight across the shoulders. 

“I didn’t lead him along. I just wanted to see what it was like,” Suguru kicks his leg back and forth, makes sure to graze his bare foot against Toji’s thigh with each move until the older man grabs him by the ankle. 

“Stop that,” stern voice, and his fingers can wrap completely around Suguru’s slim ankle, his thumb idly rubbing against his bone. Doesn’t let go.

“I want a do-over,” he announces, and Toji chuckles darkly at him.  

“Afraid you can’t get a do-over on your first kiss.” 

“Why not?” 

Toji eyes him distrustfully. Like Suguru could ever do anything to him, if he really wanted him gone, he only had to throw him out. He snorts as he leans forward, still gripping Suguru’s ankle like a restraint. There’s a sort of heat on his features that looks menacing.

“So that’s why you’re here?” 

“I told you why I’m here,” he answers, slightly breathless. 

“Yeah, and you said you wanted to keep me company. Because you’re bored and you think I’m interesting and you don’t know what to do with yourself, hmmm? Don’t like any of the boys in town so you come here. What am I supposed to do about it, hmm?” 

He reaches over the table and pinches Suguru’s thigh. He’s wearing plain thin leggings, so he feels Toji’s nails in his skin through the fabric. He yelps and kicks his other leg too, only for Toji to dig his fingers in Suguru’s calves when he does so , effectively immobilizing him.

“You know you shouldn’t go around making eyes and batting lashes like that. Talking about getting kissed - what if I take you up on what you’re offering?” 

“I’m not offering, I’m just - “ 

“Save it.” 

Suguru’s offended but he shuts his mouth and looks away, flush of colour on his cheeks. He puts his hands on the table behind him and leans back, abdomen sucking in, his shirt going up slightly and showing off a slither of bare skin. He hears the chair scratch against the floor, and Toji raises him from his seat, leans between Suguru’s thighs even as Suguru doesn’t dare look at him. His gaze is pinned down to the side, at the bed with the rumpled sheets and the scattered pillows. 

“Hey, look at me,” a hand under his chin pulling him back and up, and Suguru raises his face but closes his eyes, “You better look at me.” Suguru just shakes his head in response, and Toji puts his thumb on Suguru’s lip, presses down on it, his mouth opens involuntarily. Timidly pokes the tip of his tongue out, licks at Toji’s fingerprint.  

There’s a feeling when someone closes in on you slowly, when you have your own gravity and someone is pulled in close by the weight of it. Suguru can feel him inching in slowly, giving him plenty of time to retreat. Suguru’s eyelashes flutter, opens them because he wants to see  - 

“There you go,” Toji says, dark chuckle, and he bridges the distance in one smooth movement, lips against Suguru’s. He gasps in surprise before steadying himself on the other’s shoulders, hand fisting in the cotton of his T-shirt, fingers splayed on muscles of back.  Suguru’s never touched anyone so close, doesn’t know what to do other than hang on. 

It feels very much like how he imagined kissing in the movies was like, where he feels lightheaded and floaty, Toji mouth on his. It’s steady pressure and coaxing touches, and easy to follow along while being guided. Suguru’s body is liquid warm, melting into his arms, dares to nip at Toji’s lower lip just to see his reaction. 

“The thanks I get for doing charity -“ but he sounds amused, and he runs his fingers through Suguru’s hair before kissing him again, this time licking into his mouth. Suguru thought it would’ve been overwhelming, someone else’s tongue in his mouth - instead, it just feels playful and hot, like letting someone else taste him. A surrender of sorts. 

When Toji pulls away from the kiss, Suguru leans in to follow after him, lips wet and parted, making a small whiny sound he doesn’t recognize. 

“That not enough for you? Are you greedy already?” Toji grabs his wrists and takes his arms from around his neck, forces Suguru’s palms on the table. Put his hands on top of Suguru’s, clutches his wrists with his fingers. 

Suguru frowns, lower lip jutting out. His cheeks are hot, bubbling heat from the core of him. 

“Kiss me again.” 

“You’re a fucking brat, aren’t you? You’re not getting anything if you don’t ask nicely.” 

Suguru huffs, insulted, and slumps forward to press his face on the muscular curve of Fushiguro Toji’s chest. Eyes closed, worrying on his lower lip. 

“I’m not a brat,” he protests meekly. It’s muffled, but Toji can hear it and he chuckles. Suguru’s tense and hyperaware, and squirms even as Toji holds him into place by the wrists, blocking him with his massive body, “Kiss me again,” He repeats it softer now, and rubs his face against him. 

Toji doesn’t say anything, but his hand comes up to cup the back of Suguru’s head, touching it like he’s assessing porcelain, like Suguru’s a doll with silk hair and a painted face that might shatter if pressed too hard. It almost makes him relax into it, only for the attention to suddenly and abruptly stop, and Toji takes three steps back before Suguru’s even able to process it. 

“You really should leave, Suguru,” he says, looks serious about it too. Trying to convince both of them, though he sits on the bed and leans back on both arms, head back. Looks very much like some sort of wild animal resting, and Suguru has the curious impulse to lick his Adam’s apple. 

There’s a confident sort of strength in the way his body moves. Like Toji really knows what he should do to him, which Suguru’s glad for because he himself has no idea where to even start. He jumps off the table and stretches with his hands above his back, his T-shirt rising over his waist. Still wearing Toji’s shirt as a makeshift coat.  

“I don’t want to leave. There’s nothing to do at home, and I’m -” lonely, he wants to say, but he’s not really lonely. He’s alone often, and he’s used to being alone, but he’s also sometimes acutely aware of how alone he is. He doesn’t say it. 

Toji looks like he gets it, though it doesn’t mean he approves. Frowning at Suguru, he huffs, annoyed, before smirking at him. 

“You really wanna make me do something stupid, don’t you?” 

Suguru smiles as he shakes his head, walks over to him. Toji sits with his legs spread and Suguru just stands between them, palms on his shoulders, wants to run his fingers through the man’s hair but Toji grabs him by the wrist to stop him and this time his grip is more forceful than before. Then, without saying anything, he cups Suguru’s face with his whole palm, drags it over his cheek, his jaw, down in his throat.

Suguru’s pulse spikes as he feels it, palm almost too big for his throat so Suguru moves his head to the side. Fushiguro Toji’s thumb in the dip between his collarbones, the heaviness of his hand weighing on his skin. 

“You know what, Suguru? I moved here to stay away from trouble for a while. Told myself I’d catch a break.” His hand drags lower over Suguru’s chest, where he squeezes at the flesh there, like Suguru’s a girl and he wants to feel for her tits. 

Around Suguru’s waist, he can make his thumbs touch over his belly button, encircling him as he digs into his soft skin. Suguru’s light, and slightly dizzy, and his ears whoosh with the sound of pumping blood. His cock is aching in his underwear, held together by the layers of cotton, and he’s so embarrassed by the way it strains. Unsightly, so he tries to cross his knees to hide it. He’s only steady on his feet because Toji is holding him by the middle and he’s not allowed to fall over. 

“Knew a bitch back in Tokyo that said she’ll curse me if I leave her,” Toji says, and through the haze of arousal Suguru giggles.

“Are you the kind of guy that believes in curses?”

“Can never be too careful,” says it like it’s supposed to mean anything to Suguru, and leans forward to touch his forehead against Suguru’s chest. Suguru feels the way he nuzzles against his sternum, like trying to inhale the scent of him through his clothes. 

There’s a kind of loneliness that often becomes second nature, and Suguru feels a tenderness in his chest grow as he cups his palm over the crown of Toji’s head, combs his fingers gently through his hair. He’s not naive enough to think he can soothe whatever’s wrong with this man, but Suguru’s empathic by nature, and longs for something unnameable. 

He pushes Suguru’s shirt underneath his armpits and rubs his lips against his chest - it’s not kissing, just a caress of sorts. His palms on his waist and moving over his back, exploring Suguru’s soft, naked skin. 

“Sit here,” the man orders, and pats his thigh. 

Suguru straddles his lap quickly, throws his arms around him, hides his face in the crook of neck, his nose in the dip of his jaw. Toji puts one arm around Suguru’s waist and the other at his nape.

And Suguru’s can’t help but wiggle and fidget in his embrace, trying to grind his cock against Toji’s thigh and hip, involuntarily looking for pleasure despite knowing it’s rude to do so. 

“God, look at you. No idea what you want, but you’re desperate for it -“

He clutches at Suguru’s hips and forces them lower, makes sure Suguru feels his own erection - he moans when he feels it, heartbeat hammering in his chest because it feels massive. Suguru bites at Toji’s skin because he doesn’t know own what else to do with his mouth, ends up chewing on the meat of his shoulder as he works his body, rolling his ass. 

“Little fucking hungry slut, you bite so much you’re gonna leave  a bruise on me -“ 

Toji fists a hand in Suguru’s hair and yanks him back, shoves two fingers into his open mouth. Suguru’s instinct is just to wrap his lips and tongue around them and suck, eyes half lidded and heavy lashes. He drools down on Toji’s fingers and when he pops them out of his mouth, Suguru leans forward to whisper in his ear - 

“Can you please put them in?” 

Toji’s first response is to laugh, mean and throaty, before he shoves his hand down the back of Suguru’s leggings, runs his spit-slick fingers between his cheeks"

“I thought you were an innocent little virgin, just got your first kiss. Are you some sort of slut, Suguru?” 

“No, no - “ he shakes his head as he says it, “I’m not a slut, I just - ,“ Toji’s fingers are pressing on his hole, making it hard to talk, anticipating it. 

“Just what? Do you just like to finger your ass while you touch yourself?” 

Suguru flushes red and nods. Worries his lower lip. Pushes himself back into the touch.

“Can you take two fingers? Let’s see.” 

He pushes them in one at the time, but his fingers are so much thicker than Suguru’s own. 

“God, look at you go. What else do you play with? Toys? Plugs?” 

“Just fingers. I’ve never -“ 

When he crooks his fingers, Suguru sees stars. Trembles running through his body and hitched moans, collapsing into Toji’s arms and surrendering himself fully. The man’s so big and solid that Suguru feels steady against him despite the dizziness of pleasure as he rocks back into the intrusion, cants his dick against Toji’s thigh mindlessly. 

Shame as a concept doesn’t register, just the syrupy heat of arousal that spreads through his body. Suguru moans against his shoulder, open-mouthed, drooling on Toji’s skin. He licks his neck impulsively and latches onto pulse point, realizing he likes the faint taste of sweat. 

Toji’s big hand on the back of his head, and he presses down on the spongy place inside Suguru that makes him see stars. 

“Please, Sir, I -“

He doesn’t let Suguru finish what he has to say - instead, Toji kisses him thoroughly, stealing his breath. Leaves him lightheaded and soft, pushes him onto the bed and Suguru goes. Head on the pillow and suddenly looking up at him, blinking heavy lashes, his mouth glistening. 

His hole feels empty, throbbing around the rim, and he squirms against the sheets as he feels them tenfold, the drag of cotton exciting. He’s empty headed and needy. 

“Please, I -“ 

Toji takes off Suguru’s leggings and his first impulse is, despite everything, to shut his legs and cover himself up. He’s never been naked around another person before, not like this, and despite the physical urgency, he wants to back off. 

Toji grabs him by the wrist and pushes it on the bed. Slaps his thighs and forces them apart. 

“Can’t go around asking for dick and then being shy about it,” he pulls his cock out of his sweatpants and Suguru can’t help but stare at it. 

It’s the first time he’s ever seen anyone else’s dick, especially hard. It’s the first time he’s seen another man aroused, and for him no less - Suguru reaches out shaky fingers to touch it, runs one shiny, black polish nail over the veins before trying to wrap his fingers around it. Barely managing, the girth of if too thick. Suguru gasps when he touches it, not sure how he’s supposed to do it. He caresses the velvety soft skin, watches mesmerised at how the foreskin moves over the head, revealing the shiny pink underneath, the droplet of precum beading at the slit. 

He picks the bead of precum on the tip of his finger and sticks it in his mouth, sucking on it. Tastes like a droplet of sea, but thicker on his tongue. 

“Never had anyone else, huh? Let’s get that fixed.” 

Toji turns him on his side, grabs Suguru under one knee and forces his leg up to his chest, as he embraces him from behind. His cock, thick and hard and hot, settles against Suguru’s crack and he can feel it throbbing. Rhythmical, like a heart beat, right against his hole. 

Suguru can’t help himself and moans, and leans his head back against Toji’s chest. 

“Sir, I want it,” he begs,”Please give it to me, please give it to me - “ 

Toji rubs his cock head against Suguru’s entrance and pushes it slightly inside, makes Suguru’s eyes roll before pulling away.  

“You gotta get it yourself. Fuck yourself on my cock, as much as you can take it.” 

Suguru whines in frustration and throws a look over his shoulder, frowning, lower lip between his teeth. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to do this, but he feels frustration in his belly, the emptiness in his guts. Toji keeps his ass spread and his hole feels needy, so he decides to just follow the instruction and push himself back on the older man’s cock. 

At first nothing happens, just feels like teasing himself by playing with the rim, all it does is make him even more desperate. He grabs onto the sheets with both hands and forces himself back, bearing down on Toji’s cock until he can feel the head slipping past his opening and he moans.

“There you go,” he purrs in Suguru’s ear, “Now take as much as you need.” 

Suguru has to roll his hips down, inch by inch, forcing his insides to get used to the sensation of getting filled. It hurts, and he can’t stop the whiney noises he makes as he gets stretched. So much more than playing with himself in the shower, or makeshift toys he masturbates with him. 

“Roll your hips, it’s gonna be better,” Toji says, and Suguru nods. Does as he is told. 

He feels so stretched out that it might break him in half, down the middle, holding his breath until he can’t take it anymore. Toji’s hand on his chest, pressing down on it - right over his hummingbird heart. 

“Breathe. Come on. You can do it.” 

His voice is hot and demanding, a tense edge to it that sends shudders through Suguru. 

Suguru pants open mouthed, shaking his head, as his cock is dripping onto the sheets and he struggles to take it, forcing himself to relax against the pain. He badly wants to please him, but his body’s straining and looks back at Toji, wordlessly asking for reassurances. Finds him staring down at the way Suguru’s impaling himself on his cock, making it disappear inside himself slowly, pupils almost swallowing up the green in his eyes. 

“Look at you go,” he says, smirk tugging on his lips, “Gonna take the whole thing for Daddy?” 

Suguru exhales and moans, fluttering eyelashes and melting instantly, a full bodied weakness overtaking him. 

“Yes, Daddy.” 

Suguru answers as he pushes back all the way.

“Fuck, there you do. Good boy,” he whispers, and puts one big hand on Suguru’s lower belly, presses down on it until Suguru gasps, “Feel me right here, huh?” 

Suguru nods desperately, his eyes rolling as Toji’s cock is so deep in his guts that it feels surreal, and suddenly he can’t move at all, whole body locked and hyperaware of how it's being possessed. 

“Please,” he says once, “Please, please - Daddy -” 

The word slips out without thinking about it. Toji chuckles. 

“Yeah, I got you, you needy little slut, let me take it from here.” 

Toji’s palm hugs Suguru’s chin and pulls his head to the side, making his lips pucker up as he kisses him, tongue in Suguru’s mouth. 

Suguru’s overstuffed, can’t believe there’s any space left inside his body to conquer or fill, but then the older man rolls his hips and the press of his cockhead into Suguru’s guts goes deeper still. It’s softer than he expected it would be, and the lazy rhythm of it forces him to feel every drag and slide across the hidden places inside him. Overwhelming at first, the heaviness inside him unrelenting despite the slow press, but Suguru’s body surrenders itself to the defilement. He whimpers things without meaning, half-pleads with no words.  

Against the shell of his ear, Toji grunts in answering pleasure, and thrusts into the feverish heat of his body, helpless to oppose him. 

Suguru pants with each thrust, voice goes high as the noises are pulled from him. This is the only way he can  beg for it, whenever Toji thrusts deep inside him, he has to urge him further and further. Heavy body pushing against him makes him feel small, no choice left but to lay there as he is slowly turned inside out. 

Suguru’s embarrassed of his own need, the whiney moans and panting breathes, but comforted when he hears each responding grunt and sigh from the man fucking him. I’m making him feel good too, he realizes, and feels a giddy sort of pride stirring in his guts. 

The bed creaks as it strains under their weight, and the cold wind on the beach rattles outside - noises that filter through his fuck drunk head as his lashes flutter over his hazy sight, cloudy and out of focus. Head empty of any thought, only Toji’s cock inside him and the smooth, rich sound of it being swallowed by Suguru’s hungry hole, the rhythm of his thrusts slapping against Suguru’s ass. Raw and deep, like drowning in the depths.  

“Daddy, please,” Suguru begs, and grabs hold of Toji’s arm, digging his nails into the muscles there, and hears him growl deep in his chest, an animalistic rumble of desire that Suguru can feel echoing in his belly. 

It’s only then that he picks up speed, chasing purposefully to push Suguru right up to his limit so he’s only able to keen and whimper as pleasure, whatever unnamed plea he’s begging for being hammered into him, his mouth slawjawed and open, tip of his tongue over the edge of his teeth. His orgasm is swelling pain and pleasure mixed into one, brutal waves of it breaking at the base of his spine and rocking him as he cries out and comes all over himself, his dick untouched, spurts of semen in time with the onslaught as Toji fucks him through it. 

Suguru tears up from overstimulation, face scrunching even as Toji drags his cock out unbearably slow, caressing his bruised insides all gentle as Suguru body twitches with the aftershocks. 

“Too much?” He teases as he almost pulls out, but Suguru’s greedy hole clenches and sucks him back in again, unwilling to let him go. Suguru nods as he pouts, lower lip jutting out when Toji smirks at him and puts one big hand on his throat to stroke him, palm against Suguru’s beating pulse. It’s so possessive that Suguru instantly arches towards him, lips parted. 

Feels Toji’s cock jerk inside him as they kiss, and Suguru thinks the older man likes it just as much as he does. Their kiss is devouring with the sort of heat he imagined from the movies, and slowly the hypersensitivity of afterglow dulls and dilutes again. 

“Want you to do it inside me,” Suguru says between kisses, “I wanna know how it feels.” 

“You wanna know how it feels -“ Toji laughs as he pulls out just long enough to flip Suguru on his back and get between his thighs, folds him in half by the knees and spits on his hole, rubs saliva over his rim with his cockhead, “Listen kid, you're not supposed to offer that shit so freely. You’re just gonna end up with some asshole taking advantage of you.”

Suguru’s hair splays on the pillow as Toji looms over him, light flush of sex glowing on his skin. Suguru’s lids feel heavy as he blinks, slow smile spreading on his face. 

“Are you taking advantage of me too, Fushiguro-san?” 

Toji’s smile darkens and spreads, showing off sharp white teeth as he pushes his cock inside Suguru in one go, from the fat head of it to the root, and forces him to arch.

“Yeah, I am.” 

His voice is rough and raspy with barely checked want, says the words as he bottoms out. 

At least he’s honest. 

Suguru keeps a hand on his lower belly as Toji uses him for his own release, drills into him on a smooth, steady rhythm. Not once out of synch, muscles in his abdomen and arms tense as he holds himself up above Suguru, holding onto the headboard as he thrusts. Jaw tense and there’s a droplet of sweat dripping down his neck, over the throbbing vein under his skin. Glistening body. 

“Pretty boys that go around looking for trouble are gonna find it,” he says, breathe choppy with approaching orgasm, ”Now look at you, mewing on my cock like a cat in heat.“ 

Suguru’s got this floaty, out of body sensation - like there’s too much feeling all over and he can’t focus on anything, eyes keep rolling, dizzy-dazed. He just nods dumbly, tries to grab at Toji’s side and back, scratching painted nails over his skin. Toji kisses him again, spit in his mouth, sucking on Suguru’s tongue 

Toji’s cock pulses inside him as he pumps his semen into Suguru’s hole, bears down on him with all his weight as Suguru’s legs are forced opened beyond what’s comfortable. He can’t do anything but lay there and take it as his breath is fucked out of him, and he cums again against his belly, his cock spurting lazily. Their mouths find each other again and Suguru’s grateful for it, moving lips against each other and licking, a slower and more indulgent sensation. In the aftermath of it, Suguru looks up at Toji with a sort of raptured wonder while his raw-fucked hole flutters around his softening length. 

When Toji rolls off of him and onto the bed, Suguru just lays there for a few seconds trying to get himself together - shaky everywhere and hair sticking to his forehead, he pushes his bangs out of his face and takes a deep breath. His gaze drifts off to the bedroom window and sees clouds starting to gather, sky turning grey. 

It hasn’t been long, has it? It just feels like time is liquid. 

“Storm’s brewing,” Toji says and Suguru just nods, staring at the window, the crack in the door that shows the outside. His vision gets blurry. Eyes sting. There’s a shiver running through his body that forces him to be aware of himself, a deep bone chill that settles into him along with the briney wind.

Toji grabs his face with both hands, pushes the hair away from Suguru’s face, and caresses his face, runs his thumbs over Suguru’s reddened cheeks. 

“Hey, are you gonna cry?” Despite the brusque questions, he seems genuinely concerned. 

“No,” Suguru answers stubbornly, and doesn't allow his voice to crack. There’s this strange feeling of being of your own body and surveying yourself,detached and weightless, and he’s desperately needing to feel weighted down. 

“Tsk, liar,”  Toji’s voice is raw from sleep and scratchy as he gathers Suguru in his arms and pulls him down on the bed with him. Suguru’s surprised at first, but then curls into himself wordlessly as Toji embraces him, breathes deeply as he struggles not to cry. 

There’s no reason to cry, is there? He wanted this. He’s been dreaming about this.

And yet the swell of emotion in his chest is strange and vulnerable, and Suguru tears up slightly even as his body relaxes in Toji’s arms.

“After the storm clears, I’m taking you home,” Toji says as he gets out of bed. He puts on his sweatpants without bothering with boxers, and he searches the night stand for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He cracks the door open a few more inches and leans against the doorframe, lights his cigarette and blows the smoke outside. 

Suguru’s wiggling his bare toes in the sheets, wraps himself in a blanket to hide his bare skin from the cold. 

“Can’t I sleep here? My mom’s not home, and my dad doesn’t really care.” 

Toji looks over his shoulder, cigarette at the corner of his mouth. Doesn’t say anything, takes a sweater from the dresser and throws it at Suguru, “Put that on. It’s fucking cold outside.” 

The sweater is much too large for Suguru, gaping at the collar and over his ass, but it smells like a clean laundry that’s been sitting next to other clothes, very vaguely. Suguru knows this doesn’t really mean anything, but he can pretend like it’s wearing his boyfriend’s sweater.

He’s not your boyfriend, his brain supplies, but he can’t stop the giddiness bubbling in his stomach. A boyfriend should be someone closer to your age.

Suguru walks behind Toji with shaky, wobbly legs and puts his face between the older man’s shoulders, rubbing his cheek there. 

“So how old are you, really? 30?” 

He hears him laugh, feels the vibrations of it through his skin. 

“Higher than that.” 

Suguru wraps his arms around his middle, hugging him from behind. He puts his open palms on Toji’s abs to feel him, happy trail of dark hair and raise scars.

“Much higher?” 

“Not telling you.” 

Suguru’s hole is sore because of him, and still wet. Dripping semen slowly down his taint and between his thighs as he rubs them together. 

“Can I have a smoke too?”

A gust of wind brings droplets of rain inside, Suguru feels it on his bare legs so he presses himself closer to Toji. The older man sighs, turns around and embraces him in return. Suguru’s knees feel weak. 

“Have you ever smoked before?” He asks. 

“No.” 

Toji his fingers through his hair grips the back of his head with one hand and angles him so he can look at his face. 

Toji’s not really gentle, but it seems like he’s trying to be gentle for Suguru’s sake. Touching his face, following the lines of Suguru’s features with his fingertips. With wind tousling his hair, he’s so handsome, even as Suguru looks for signs of aging. No grey hairs, but there’s a line between his brows from scowling, crow’s feet forming around his eyes. 

He takes the half finished cigarette from between his lips and places it on Suguru’s. 

“Deep breathe,” he orders, and Suguru listens to him, takes a deep inhale that linger in his mouth before he feels the smoke sliding down his throat and he coughs it out, eyes watering. 

“Ew.” 

“Not what you expected, is it?” 

Suguru doesn’t answer, he just looks at him slightly betrayed. 

“It tastes foul.” 

“You’ll get it when you’re older.” 

He puts his hands on Toji’s chest, kneading at the muscles there and raising himself on tip-toes. The sound of waves close by, the salt and humidity mess up Suguru’s hair, and Toji combs through it with his fingers. 

“You’re too pretty for a town like this, Suguru.” 

It doesn’t feel like a compliment, just a statement. 

“I’m gonna move to Tokyo soon.” 

“Yeah, that’s better. You’re going to college, right? You’re smart too, you should find yourself a rich boyfriend and wrap him around your fingertip. Make him do anything you want.” 

Suguru laughs as he goes back to the bed and wraps himself up in Toji’s covers. 

“I don’t know anything about wooing rich people. Where do you even find them?” 

“Tokyo’s crawling with rich boys spending mommy and daddy’s money, I’m sure you can find one to keep around as a pet wallet.” 

Suguru’s quiet as he thinks about it - he thinks he wants an exciting life. Wants someone crazy about him. Money never factored to him. 

“I never thought about it like that - I just want to get out of here first,” Suguru props his head up with his palm, elbow on the pillow, looking at Toji up and down. 

The man’s got a bunch of scars up and down his torso that Suguru hasn’t seen before, and now he’s more curious than he’d like to admit about it. Raised smooth cuts and stitching across his sides, moving along with the muscles under his skin. Toji notices him starting though, and walks over to the bed with a smirk on his face. 

“Any more staring and you’ll have to buy me dinner.” 

Suguru startles at first and giggles. 

“I thought you should do that. You’re older, aren’t you supposed to take care of me?” 

The smile he gets in return is as sharp as a blade, darkened eyes and then pupils large. 

“Maybe I should eat you instead.” 

Toji's mouth descends on his and pushes him on his back again, tongue curling against Suguru’s as he pushes away the cover and shoves his hand under the sweater. He pinches one of Suguru’s nipples and twists it, making him moan and arch his back while a drop of saliva drips from the corner of his mouth. 

The sweater is pushed under his arms and Toji lips at his chest, tongue flat over the pink bud of a nipple. When he wraps his lips around it and sucks, a whimper is pulled from Suguru’s throat and his dick twitches. The sticky dampness between his legs feels more pronounced now, sore muscle of his entrane feels bruised, but he wants it again. Desire like a dull ache spreading up from the base of his spine. 

Toji hands caressing his thighs and digging his thumbs into his flesh, leaving kisses and marks across Suguru’s chest. It’s different from the first time, like taking his time to enjoy Suguru’s body. 

“Are you gonna fuck me again?” His voice is high pitched and needy, already panting with it.

“Of course I am, what else am I gonna do with a pretty slut in my bed?” His voice has a depth to it that wasn’t there before. 

Suguru shivers as Toji flips him around, his cheek against the pillow as he raises his hips and forces him to lower back to curve inward. Suddenly he’s got his ass up in the air, feeling more exposed than ever. Toji spreads his cheeks and his hole twitches without him being able to stop it. 

“Look how your body’s begging for it.”

Toji licks his reddened rim and Suguru chokes when he feels it. He tries to squirm away first but he’s held in place by a strong grip on his hips as Toji licks his hole with his tongue soft and flat. It feels good, and Suguru tries to peek over his shoulder to see him, only to shove his face in the pillow to muffle his own noises. When Toji pushes his tongue inside him, Suguru’s legs spasms, tries to fold his thighs because it’s strange and new. He has to breathe through the first embarrassed moments of it, but soon enough he’s pushing back against his face, driven by an insatiable instinct for more. 

He hears Toji laugh as he catches himself rocking back, and his face heats up but he refuses to stop. 

You’re so shameless, a voice in his head chastises him. Shameless for enjoying it so much, like the slut Toji accused him of being. The kind of slut that goes around asking for dick - his cock is so hard its dripping down Suguru’s thighs and the bed, but he knows this isn’t going to be enough.

“More,” he whines, “I want more.” 

“Yeah? Like this?” 

Toji shoves two fingers into him and Suguru clamps down on them immediately. He pushes himself back against them, but it’s not fingers he wants, it’s Toji’s cock wrecking him again. 

“No, not like that - I want… -“ Suguru looks back over his shoulder at the older man, face reddened and eyes shiny, “Fuck me, Daddy.” 

This time it’s on purpose, to see Toji’s face sharpen with lust. 

“Yeah? You wanna cum on Daddy’s dick again?” 

Suguru smiles at him and nods, lower lip caught between his teeth. 

It still hurts the second time around too, but he’s so turned on that it doesn’t register as discomfort. The stretching burn at his core extends, and the more it expands the better it feels, he feels it in the tips of his fingers as pleasant tingles, as addictive as pressing down on a wound. Toji grabs hold of his hair and twists it around his palm - he pulls Suguru’s head back and his back bows as tightly, exaggerated curve of his spine as his muscles tense under his skin and it’s impossible for him to hide his moans in the pillow. 

The third time, he teaches Suguru how to ride him. The angle is different when he’s on top, so deep that he can’t possibly control it, gravitation just pulls him down again and again, the depth of it knocks the air out of his lungs each time until his chest is tight . He looks down on himself and sees the contour of Toji’s cock bulging in his lower belly, and he touches it with a hint of wonder, bouncing on dick mindlessly as he feels it hammer against his inside. Like against his ribcage, like he’d let him fuck through his heart. His thighs burn so he switches to grinding - he sobs as he  works himself on Toji’s dick though, shaky fingers on his chest and his lips trembling, strands of hair stuck to his face. 

“Hey, I got you, come here -” 

Toji grabs him by the arm and pulls him across his chest so they’re skin to skin. Suguru hides his face in the crook of his neck as big firm hands land on his hips and Toji thrusts up into him. 

“Daddy -” he moans. 

“Yeah, Daddy’s got you, don’t worry,” there’s a deep, earthy roughness in his voice and its so comforting that Suguru wants to be smothered in it. He flips them over and Suguru’s on his back again, locking his ankles behind Toji’s back and scratching his nails down his back. 

“Please don’t stop, Daddy, please -“ 

Suguru has tears running down his face as the man fucks him, begs him not to stop despite it. He cums dry this time and thinks he might pass out from it, because it’s impossible to catch his breath and his vision blinks out of focus and darkens at the edges. 

It’s like underwater, all encompassing floaty sensation, mindless acceptance of pleasure and allowing himself to be manhandled into whatever the other man might want him to be. Total surrender of it all, overwhelmed with fatigue and aching everywhere, but unable to keep his hips from twitching. 

“Hey kid?” Toji caresses his cheek, pushed the sweaty locks of hair away from his face, “Suguru, you okay?” 

He nods even as he can’t stop the tears from the corners of his eyes. Toji’s weight on top of Suguru is smoldering and grounding, he himself also exhausted and sweating and struggling to catch his breath, and there’s comfort in his solid presence. He clutches Suguru to his chest, brings him in close, and Suguru finds himself gratefully disappearing in the strength of his embrace. 

Suguru wakes up deep into the night, tangled up in Toji’s sheets, but the man is not there with him. He looks around the room bleary eyed and sees him sitting at the table, reading glasses on and scrolling through his phone. 

“Go back go sleep, kid, it’s still early,” Toji tells him without looking up from whatever he’s reading. 

“Aren’t you gonna come back to bed?” He asks, voice small and raspy. Eyes barely kept open. He’s sore all over and has to fight to remain awake. 

“What? Do you need to be cuddled to sleep?” Toji laughs and Suguru hears the chair scratching as it’s pushed back. 

Outside looks like deep-dark, only cold moonlight coming through the window, and the dim light from electronics. Phone screen. Electric clock. th Suguru doesn’t even remember if it’s a school day or not. Should he hurry? Should he…?

The bed dips as Toji lays down next to Suguru and throws his arm over his back. Suguru can’t really think anymore after that. 

In the early morning before driving him away, Toji  forces him to drink a whole bunch of water, asks to see his phone. 

“I’m putting my number in your phone,” he explains, to Suguru’s surprise, “This is not a free pass for you to be needy.” A pause. “But if you’re in trouble, call me.”

“Oh. Alright.” Suguru’s got an uncertain smile tugging at his lips, and looks away. Toji clicks his tongue against his teeth in displeasure, like he’s embarrassed about it. 

It’s still fucking cold outside, and raining slightly, so Suguru takes Toji’s sweater and throws it on. The man just looks at him, makes note of it but doesn’t comment. Suguru walks with a slight limp which he has to force himself to correct, has this dull, throbbing ache in his lower back and he keeps his knees raised to his chest while Toji drives him, bare feet on the car seat and head resting against the window.

“You never told me how old you are,” Suguru says, idly drawing shapes on the glass. He doesn’t think he’ll get an answer. 

He counts time passing by the number of houses they pass by and knows how close they are to home. 

“I’m 36,” Toji offers. 

“Oh.” 

Suguru’s dad is 42. His mom is 38. 

Suguru feels himself stuck in suffocating in-between places, can’t breathe right in the car with this man that makes his head spin. Now that the night’s passed and he’s not under a spell, he’s just quietly panicking. 

By the time they arrive on Suguru’s street, the rain’s stopped but the sky is still covered in clouds, half-darkness of the morning while people just left for work. Suguru’s phone is in his lap, one text from this dad from the night before about where he was that he only answered a few minutes ago. 

was out with friends. 

Alright. 

He unbuckles the seat belt and almost sighs in relief, but when he puts a hand on the doorhandle, Toji turns to him and says: 

“Suguru, listen to me. You play really dangerous games. You gotta be more careful next time you…- .” 

And yeah, Suguru knows that, but he wasn’t really planning on finding someone else and doing this again. He knows better, right? 

But when Toji says it outloud, there’s a twist in his stomach, like a swoosh of surprise and low anger. Suguru looks at him with his big eyes, blinking fast. 

Control yourself, he tells himself. He should be mature about this. Acting out is only going to make it seem like Toji is right, and he is a brat after all. He should just act disinterested and…

Instead, he surges forward on an impulse and slots his mouth to Toji’s, kissing him despite the possibility of being seen, not caring about the trouble it would get him in. And Toji kisses him back for a second before putting his hands on Suguru’s shoulders and pushing him away gently. 

“See Suguru, this is exactly what I meant. You can’t go around doing shit like this.” 

Suguru licks his lips and bites them, looking between his lashes at Toji and seeing how his eyes darken. 

“It wasn’t a problem when you fucked me, was it?”

“Yeah, it fucking was.” 

Toji’s visibly frustrated with him. Suguru just looks with his head cocked to the side, and Suguru can’t help but stare at the bite mark on Toji’s neck, startling realisation that he left that mark there. His teeth and tongue and lips. Suguru wants to know how he’d react if Suguru would lick a stripe over it now, two houses away from his own. 

He giggles, suddenly. 

“You’re a hypocrite, Daddy,” he says it extra sweet, and presses himself against Toji’s arm, his face in the crook of his shoulder, feels him sigh in resignation as he puts an arm around Suguru. He smiles, and nuzzles against his collarbone. 

“Yeah, but I already knew I was trash. And I wasn’t gonna do anything other than fuck you.” 

“What else is there to do?” Suguru counters, and then it’s Toji’s turn to laugh at him. The sort of dark, sardonic sort of laugh that Suguru hasn’t heard before. 

“God, you’re such a stupid brat, aren’t you? You’re gonna get into all sort of trouble if someone doesn’t look after you. ” 

He says it while sneaking his hand under Suguru’s shirt, caressing his waist and smelling his hair. Suguru thinks Toji’s full of shit. 

“I promise I won’t. ” 

Suguru doesn’t believe it himself, but he still feels like he has to say it as he crawls in Toji’s lap over the gearshift, steering wheel pressing in his back and putting his arms around his shoulders. 

“Let’s do it again before I leave.” 

Toji grits his teeth and snarls at him, showing teeth like a wolf and Suguru just gets goosebumps all over. 

There’s gotta be something wrong with his head, he thinks, because his self preservation instincts are trash. There’s a distant voice in his head warning him that this is a bad idea, but he’s also never gotten in trouble a day in his life, so this is a bit like making up for lost time. He’s allowed to do this one thing, isn’t he? 

His eyes fall on the clock on the dashboard to see the time, and counts the minutes left until he should get ready for school, thinking he should go. Suguru looks from the clock back to Toji and raises his eyebrows, questioning. 

“Fuck, alright. Let’s do it again.” 

Suguru ends up bouncing in Toji’s lap, in the car, steering wheel pressing in his back and Toji’s fingers digging in his flesh. He keeps his mouth open as he makes tiny, choked off sounds as Toji sucks on his tongue. 

His hole already feels used and slightly sore, but it’s a pleasant sort of ache and it gets addictive quickly. He hooks his arm around Toji’s shoulders and just grinds against him. He finishes when Toji grabs him by the hips and moves him up and down on his dick. Fucks a new orgasm out of him before finishing in his ass again, and then kisses him so hard that Suguru’s lips bruise. 

Suguru sneaks back into the house limping, his father nowhere to be seen. He thinks he should go get ready for school, but when he goes up to his room, he just falls into the bed, exhausted. He lays on his back and feels distantly guilty over skipping another day of school. Not enough to regret it, though. 

He feels like he’s come down with the flu - bone deep exhaustion and sadness in his bones, alternating the whole day between sleeping and crying. He’s got a sort of malaise he can’t quite put his fingers on - he doesn’t regret what happened, but he feels overfull and hollow at the same time, slightly manic in his head without being able to move. 

Suguru gets into the shower and just lets the water beat down on him. Scrubs himself clean, soapy subs running down his bruised and scratched skin. He lays down his bed and fingers himself till he cums - has to be gentle about it because his hole is still sore, and afterwards he wipes the semen off his belly with a sense of shame. 

He makes himself food and goes to eat it outside in the little garden they have. Uses Toji’s sweater to wrap himself against the cold wind and wonders what the man is doing, if his sheets smell like Suguru, if he gets hard when he feels it, if he thinks of Suguru at all. If any of it matters. 

“Get yourself together.” Suguru whispers it to himself.

The next day, he goes back to school like nothing happened.

Harada-sensei keeps an apple on the table while he teaches - it’s an oddly perfect sort of apple, shiny dark blood red, little black stem, like someone drew it on the desk rather than simply placing it there. Suguru focuses on the apple more than on the lesson and when class is over, Harada-sensei calls out to him. 

“Hey, Suguru-kun. Stay a little after class, alright?” 

His classmates look at each other and look at Suguru, wondering if he’s in trouble somehow for missing lessons. They asked him so many questions today - where were you? What happened? 

Suguru smiled at them and answered politely. No details. 

“You weren’t in school for the last two days, Suguru. It’s very unlike you. What happened?” 

“Nothing, Harada-sensei. Thank you for the concern, I was sick. Nothing too much.” 

Suguru can see it on his face though- there’s an unpleasantness there, a sourness in his features. Around his mouth and brows. Not only does he not believe him, he knows Suguru is lying.

Why does he care? Students sometimes cut class. It’s nothing the old man should stress about. 

“Well, make sure to take care of yourself, Suguru. You don’t want to lose too much time being sick. And please contact me if you need any help catching up with the material.” 

There’s something in his tone that Suguru doesn’t like. Makes him so uneasy but he can’t put a finger on the why. 

“Ah, don’t worry, Harada-sensei. I will -“ he smiles as he hears the bell ring, “I have to go, sir.” 

“Ah, of course. By the way, do you want the apple?” He picks it up from the table and offers it to him. Suguru frowns as he looks at it, suddenly overly aware of himself and the fact that this situation is rubbing him the wrong way. Something feels off.

“No, thank you, Harada-sensei. Do you need anything else? I really need to go to my next class.” 

“Of course, of course, I wouldn’t want to keep you - ” Suguru nods and turns to leave, “Also, Suguru? It’s dangerous to wander to the beach alone. Who knows who might find you there.”  

Oh, busted, he thinks, surprised that his teacher would have seen him there. He frowns as looks at Harada-sense, the condescending smile on his face looking odd. Suguru thinks, he doesn’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of having something over him, not even his teacher, so he forces his face and his stance to relax. Can’t seem frazzled, even if he feels it.   

“Of course, sir. I know better than that,” he responds, as easily as he can, and sees the older man’s face twist. 

“Do you?”  

Fucker. 

“Of course I do,” Suguru nods, voice as sweet as he can make it, looking him straight in the eye and then his gaze falls back to the apple in his grip, the way he fidgets with it, “Actually I changed my mind. I’ll have the apple if you don’t want it.” 

Harada-sensei makes a face at him, but he doesn’t refuse him. Instead, he throws it at Suguru and he catches it smoothly. 

“Thank you, Sensei. Anything else you wanted?” he raises the apple to his mouth and takes a bite out of it,  crunching it against his teeth. 

“No. You can go, Suguru.”

He turns on his heel and leaves, the classroom door slamming behind him. He keeps chewing on the apple without swallowing it, and spits it out in a trash can. Throws the whole thing away as he walks to his next class.