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taehyun let’s out a shaky breath as he runs the cold blade across his skin, watching fresh beads of blood immediately oozing out.
he looks down at his bloody arms. he feels himself getting weaker and weaker, the blade now feels too heavy in his hand, he drops it on the floor.
he thinks he can hear someone knocking, but he couldn’t open the door even if he wanted to. he could only hope whoever it was would take the hint and leave.
the feeling of guilt and shame washes over him. what started off as just small scratches turned to deep, messy cuts. he was too overwhelmed with his thoughts to stop himself from going too far.
taehyun tries to force himself to stand up, he needs to at least rinse the blood off his arms before he can make any more of a mess on his bed and floor, but as soon as he tries to stand up from his bed, he falls onto the floor.
at that same moment, the doors to his room open.
”...taehyun?’’
taehyun could recognise that voice anywhere, he knows who it is without having to lift his head up.
beomgyu…
he closes his eyes shut and curls up on the floor, wishing he could disappear right now. the last thing he wanted was to be caught in the state he is currently in. he can't imagine what beomgyu is thinking.
he hears quick footsteps make their way towards him and barely registers warm arms wrap carefully around his body, slowly and gently rocking him back and forth. taehyun buries his face in the crook of beomgyu's neck, shaking and sobbing. a comforting hand brushing his hair.
‘’shh, you’re okay. i’m here now, i got you.’’
beomgyu curses to himself for not checking on taehyun sooner. he had noticed the younger taking much longer to respond to texts, cancelling plans. distancing himself, much more zoned out… it was so unlike him. he knew something was going on, why did he let it get this bad? he didn’t know what he would do if he was too late. he would never forgive himself.
they stay like this for what feels like hours and taehyun doesn’t want to let go, he wishes they could stay like this forever. he feels safe in beomgyu's arms.
despite taehyun’s silent wishes, beomgyu pulls away and gets up, making taehyun panic.
he clings onto beomgyu’s shirt, desperate for him to stay. pain shots up his wounded arms, causing him to wince, but he doesn’t care about that. he really needs beomgyu to stay. he knows it's selfish, he knows he doesn't deserve it, but he cannot bear the thought of being left alone again.
“no please… don’t go i’m so.. i’m so- so sorry…please don’t be mad… don’t leave me.”
his voice is barely audible from his sobbing, he struggles to breathe.
beomgyu cups taehyun’s cheeks and wipes the fresh tears rolling down his face.
“I'm not leaving you, taehyun. but we need to disinfect your wounds, yeah? i’ll be right back tyun i promise.”
taehyun nods weakly and lets go of beomgyu's shirt. he watches beomgyu get up and leave through half open eyes.
what if beomgyu doesn't keep his promise and never comes back? what if he’ll leave him to die? taehyun wouldn’t blame him for doing so. he doesn't deserve beomgyu. he couldn’t say he really wanted to live either, he felt didn’t have a future, so he wouldn’t mind dying. but he was scared. so, so scared.
his eyes were starting to close, he felt drained.
he doesn't know how much time passes but soon enough, he feels the warm hands again, this time gently patting his cheek and calling his name.
“taehyunnie i need you to open your eyes for me, please? i'll let you sleep but only after we get you cleaned up. don't want you catching an infection.”
taehyun jolts awake. he tries to keep his eyes open to the best of his ability, for beomgyu he would do anything.
''there we go'' a small smile appears on beomgyu's face and as gently as he can, grabs hold of taehyun's wrist and begins cleaning his cuts.
''i-i'm sorry...'' taehyun whispers.
''you have nothing to apologise for tyun. just focus on staying awake for me, okay?''
“i made a- a mistake.” he closes his eyes shut, trying to focus on breathing rather than the stinging of disinfectant being pressed against his fresh cuts.
''it's okay taehyun. i'm almost done just hold on a little longer.'' carefully, beomgyu wraps up the bandages neatly around taehyun's arms.
once beomgyu finishes disinfecting and bandaging his wounds, he pulls taehyun into another hug, rubbing small circles around his back.
“let’s get you to bed now, yeah?”
taehyun only nods weakly. beomgyu lifts him up bridal style, setting him on the bed. he lays himself next to taehyun, tucking them both in. taehyun wraps himself carefully around beomgyu’s torso, nuzzling his face into his chest.
there is a minute of silence and beomgyu is about to drift off to sleep, until he hears taehyun’s quiet voice speak up.
''beomgyu-''
“if you’re about to apologise again tyun, don’t you dare finish that sentence. i already told you i’m not mad at you. i’m serious about that.”
“no...i just-… thank you.”
“… you know i’m always here for you, right? we can get you help if you want to, if not, that’s okay too. i’m always here for you and i care about you a lot. so do the others so please. if you ever need someone don’t be afraid to ask for anything, okay? with me, you can always be honest.”
taehyun hums in agreement
“jeez, I can’t believe i almost lost you taehyun. i'm the one who's sorry taehyun, if i had been too late-“
beomgyu’s eyes begin to water. he holds taehyun a little tighter.
taehyun shook his head. “it’s not your fault.” he whispers, feeling all the more guilty for being so careless.
“you're not alone, not anymore taehyun. don’t forget i’m always here. can you do that for me?”
''i'll try my best.. thank you'' he thinks maybe did have a reason to live and a future, and that future could be with beomgyu.
taehyun focuses on listening to beomgyu’s heartbeat, which lulls him to sleep, beomgyu falling asleep soon after him.