Chapter Text
Braxonia, a kingdom with story on earth, the biggest empire to ever exist, there was a time that the sun never sets on the lands of this huge empire, but the times are others, now it’s decaying, even though still one of the world superpowers, there’s no space on the 21st century to all of this dick measuring contest.
The braxonian crown is the most prestige and respected among the world, they’re the most traditional, but it’s also decaying in acceptance, the people on this land doesn’t want this old fashioned crown, they just feel they’re just sustaining a bunch of leeches, old leeches that doesn’t even help the people, they’re more of a figurative presence than anything
Because of this, the royal family had an idea, instead of giving the power to the eldest prince of the crown, they wanted to give it to the youngest, so people would feel more related to this young boy as a prince than another old man, since the charismatic queen is near passing.
On May 11th 2000, it’s born Ryan, the youngest son of princess Beatrice and Prince herald, who’s the son of Queen Margareth III, their boy is assigned to a very bright future.
11th May 2010, Kerkham palace
I came from school, I hate this biology class, I’m going to be like my brothers and my dad, I don’t want to be a disgusting balding man, this shit scares me so much, I know this is inevitable, but I’m envy at the girls, they didn’t get ugly at all, I wish I couldn’t be born male, so I wouldn’t become this ugly thing.
I came to the palace at the back of the family Rolls Royce, the doors are open and I know this is going to be another one of my birthdays, I took a deep breath and opened the doors, there’s a huge cake in front of me, plenty of old people and I know why they are here.
“Happy birthday Ryan!” I almost felt cringe for that, ugh.
“Here’s my boy becoming a man, he’s already at the two digits” Said my father while he’s holding me.
“The future king has finally come” Said brother John who’s going to be married soon.
“Come here with me son, I prepared your outfit for this party, do you already know how to change yourself so get prepared for that” Said my father taking me while I pass in front of old people who don't even know me, they didn’t even call my friends at school.
Dad took me towards the room, I’m already wearing a suit because of school dress code and I’ve seen the clothes, ugh they look terrible, it’s another suit just like the same I always wear, there’s nothing different here and even worse there’s this cape and also this crown, it’s just a replica of the queen’s crown.
“Go for it, change this clothes, I know you loved this, it’s a mens suit, your first mens, now you’re no longer a kid, this is going to enhance your future man body my little man” He’s staring at me.
“Dad get out and let me change myself, I can do this alone” I said to him and he’s smiling, oh god, he’s just the embodiment of those caricatures of old politicians.
“Oh sure, change yourself and I’m going to wait until you get done, you should also cut your hair, it’s too big, get a men's cut, you’re no longer a boy” I get very pissed because I like to have this long hair, he showed me a disgusting male cut.
“Dad no! I don’t want this cut, let me have my hair long, I like this” To be honest my hair doesn’t even reach my shoulders like I wanted it to be.
“Oh, now I get my son, you’re going to be a rebel man then, I’m not going to let them cut your hair, I get what you want, a jovial and good long haired looking man, you wanted to be like your older brother Michael, he wanted to grow his hair because of Rock’n roll, but I didn’t agree, then he later negated the throne and married a black Columbian woman, could you believe that, well, I don’t want to cause this discourse again, but we are going to at least make you presentable” I hate this, my dad is just this piece of shit, I know he’s going to lie.
I changed my clothes, when I look at the mirror is disgusting, the shoes have platforms to make me taller, the suit has shoulder pads so it looks wider and I just look like a bulky dwarf, this is just so ugly, why do I have to deal with this, when I got out of the changing room with the cape and holding the crown I sit and try to not cry, the hairdresser starts to spray water towards my hair and comb back, this just looks so bad.
“Your hairline is quite round, at this point everyone would think you’re a girl, I can’t comb your hair back like this, you need to get a cut Ryan, you don’t want to get confused by a girl, right?” Even the hairdresser is siding with my father.
“Please let my hair like this, I don’t look like a girl, I’m just a boy” I say to her and she’s sighing.
“My prince, your hair is below your ears, you don’t want to be mocked by your appearance, I’m just thinking about the best for you” Yeah my father tried to convince her to do this.
“The best for me is to keep my hair like it was, I’m already letting you comb my hair back and I don’t like it” I said for her and she took a deep breath.
“I hope your father doesn’t fire me for that, I respect your decision, you’re already old enough to decide for yourself, but your dad will know you tried to convince me, deal with him, I’m not going to deal with him because of your spoiled choices boy, you already got me too much on trouble trying to delay your haircuts” I don’t care, I simply shrug, this is all she says all the time and she didn’t get fired.
I got my hair done, she doesn’t cut, just comb back and I look like a weird manlet. Honestly it’s just better with my hair all normal, this just looks disgusting, I just feel like I’m a balding man even though I’m not even close to that.
When I came back from there, my father was there and he’s staring at me with his disapproving stare. He always does, his bald hair is from a 62 year old man. I don't want to look like that in the future, this is gross.
“Well Lad, I know this baldness can bother you, but it’s a man thing, this comes with respect and stress, it’s a symbol of respect, you’re not going to have… Well I got a receding hairline at 28 or around that, your brother who’s going to marry is about this age and has some signals, I understand you lad, you just want to keep your hair” Ugh, I’m not going to have this, if there’s something to do about it.
“And you didn’t do anything about it? We are rich and from the royal family” I asked him and he just laughed.
“Hahaha, my lad this isn’t how it works, we aren’t allowed to do this, as a member of the Braxonia royal family you should keep natural, we aren’t allowed to change our bodies, this creates an image of a natural body” This doesn’t make any sense.
“So if I had cancer I had to accept to die? Why does this happen?” This is so ass.
“No this is only for physical body modifications, nothing related to healthcare, little lad you’re a bit curious but here’s some story time, back in the 16th century the queen Margareth II the one who got the same name as your grandma, she abused the powder she used on her face to get white and this powder is toxic, it was made out of lead, she died so young of intoxication that the crown decided we shouldn’t body mod, there was also queen Margareth II, she used corsets too much luckily this one lived up too long, because of both of these women we should let our bodies natural and we are right, lucky that your grandma didn’t get into this, it’s all a women thing, now you understand, a real man doesn’t care about this and when balding one day hits you, you would understand that, That’s the story my lad” No I don’t understand and I think this is unfair, it’s not fault of women, it’s fault of the people who forced them into this, I think it’s a fair excuse to evade baldness and to be honest, I’m not going to do more questions, my dad would think I’m some kinda of gay.
“I get it dad, don’t need to explain a long class of history, school does that for me” He just puts his hand over my shoulder.
“Now follow me and we are going to present you to this party my lad, everyone wants to wait this future king, the sun is going to love this, they wanted to see you, can you imagine one day all of this is going to be yours, you would be finally a king and we don’t have one since your grandma occupied in 1952” Like this is a good thing at all, I learned that this position means nothing more than being a celebrity.
When I got out of the door in the middle of stairs, I noticed the cameras, they took pictures of me while I’m with a crown and this cape, like I’m kinda crowned and I hate that, there’s not even a single friend here, just these old people and some of their kids, they are just staring at me and my brothers are just disgusted at my presence.
“What do you think? isn’t he a potential king, he’s very charismatic” Said my father.
“Oh he’s such a cute little lad,” said my grandma.
“Yeah he does, look who’s grandma's boy” Said my older brother Matthew laughing.
“Matt less please, people love this impression, well it’s time to show also the gift I asked to be made, Ryan is going to love this” Dad pushes a button on a remote control.
When he pushes a frame he shows up and it’s a painting, it’s a man with a crown, with beard and everything. This would look great if the man isn’t blonde with blue eyes like me, I know my dad just did me in this painting.
“This is what our future king would look like in the future, could you believe this face would be on future Braxonian Pounds banknotes? This is the face of new Braxonia” Ugh, this looks horrible.
“He would look very handsome on these banknotes, I think all the women would want to be a queen consort with these banknotes” Said my grandma and I’m so exhausted.
And the pictures keep being taken, I see only cameras and old people, they’re like seeing me more of a product on a shelf of a market than me, they don’t see the real me, I’m just this, the future king, I just want to be a normal kid, go on a party with my friends, play videogame, be on a jump castle, eat together on a pizzeria, but I don’t have this anymore.
Mom was right when I completed 9 to have fun with a birthday at least with toys and on a park because I wouldn’t have this anymore, it’s going to be only this ceremony, it’s a signal for them I’m not a boy anymore, but it’s a signal for me I won’t be a man.
Later in the room…
At least here I’m free, just my room with my computer, this birthday party was horrible, all I had to do is talk with a bunch of old people and use shallow quotes my dad recommended to speak, he controlled everything and when all of this ended I got scolded by not cutting my hair short like I was some kind of spoiled brat, that I should accept this condition.
At least I’m here and I want to ask something, but I don’t want anybody to know, I really don’t know how to ask this, so I opened yahoo answers. I already have an account and I wanted to know that.
“Is there a site where I can ask for things and nobody would know it’s me, where I don’t need a e-mail, where I can be totally anonymous and get answered, it’s a personal thing, they check my internet history even when I delete it”
Well I know it would take some time, so I decide to open cool math games, so my parents wouldn’t suspect I was using dangerous places, I can just pretend I’m playing games, I love the run game, it’s my favourite, at least I can lose some time here and wait to be answered.
I waited for about an hour and got back on yahoo answer, well I got my answers, I’m saved, at least I wouldn’t be on those funny screenshots of very funny questions, I know most of these questions here are just stupid but sometimes I can have help.
4chan… This is the most common answer there, I just need a captcha, not even my e-mail would be used and I can use with a vpn and Tor so my IP wouldn’t get noticed, this is what I should try, some people say it’s a site with a very inappropriate stuff, but I need to understand what is going on, I’m going to just pretend to be an adult so they wouldn’t notice I’m actually 10 years old.
“Hello, I want to ask a very peculiar question here, I have a bald dad and balding brothers, they said it’s a common men thing to happen, but I find gross and disgusting, the same as have a beard, when I got through male puberty I couldn’t understand why they find this so cool, I simply hate watching my body and see a disgusting male body and when I was a kid, seeing a girl going through and they are all so pretty while I had to grow up into this thing, how I can understand what is going on with me? I just want to find a solution”
So let’s go back to play some games, I will get the answers later. It's not like they’re going to understand what I got through, not even I comprehend this. Now I just have time to cool math games, the perfect way to pretend I’m not going to dubious places on the internet.
I’m going be honest this time waiting and playing got on my head on what if they didn’t answered me, what if I got ridiculed, I know it’s anonymous, but what if my parents and family finds out, I know they can’t detect my history on tor because I hide the program from them and they know my google chrome history.
I opened 4chan and the answers came, oh gosh I’m going to be a huge joke here, what I answered could be a very stupid question.
“Don’t rep nona”
“This is gender disphoria, congratulations nona you’re trans”
“How you didn’t find out you’re a tranny faggot? This is very clear you’re one”
“Get on HRT so you would pass”
“Sounds gay and dumb”
“I have the same feeling nona, when I learned about puberty, but I’m just a glegle, here things are a bit easier, I’m going to soon get a vial”
“Nona you’re retarded, how you don’t know you’re trans”
Trans, what is this, I’m going to search on Tor, I think I’ve heard about it, when I open it’s about the big brother girl who participated there, she looks a bit like a man, but just a little, the other stuff seems to be about these men who use women clothes, no I don’t want to look like that, I want to have a proper body, there’s some who really look like women, but I feel like an uncanny valley vibe from them.
“I’m the OP, thanks for your answer, but I don’t want to look like the men in dresses I have seen on google, is there something better I can do so I won’t look like them”
This honestly causes me more distress, I would be a shame if I end up looking like that, and I can get if my father get disgusted, I don’t want to have a full male body, wear a wig, I want to be more like a normal woman this is what I want, I wouldn’t feel happy to just wear womens clothes, this isn’t what makes women, women.
“Nona you’re clearly a teen just by the way you type, you can just go on HRT and pass like a normal girl”
“Hey nona, the other nona is right, I’m about to get some vials where are you from? We can talk, I’m just young and I know I could pass easily, can we talk?”
“These trans women you said just look like men because they transitioned later nona, Just by the way you talk I know you’re young, you’re not going to look closer to them”
This could be the Glegle girl who answered me about the vials, she's closer than me, but Valernia is still far and I can’t travel there. What should I do now? this thread really got lots of attention and I think it would be just useful to download emulators and games there.
“I’m from Braxonia, and I can talk where I can find you, I don’t use much social media, I don’t have a facebook, only a MSN and Club Penguin, how can you get on talk with me?”
I know I learn not to trust strangers but why do these people I don’t know are better at helping than anyone I ever know? I hate this feeling, people say this isn’t a trustable place but this Glegle girl that could be from very far is being helpful.
She passed her club penguin account not for real, just the place we should met, I know which place is, she send a picture of her there and I decide to log my account and I took a deep breath, I’m smart that I didn’t used my name here because my brother said I shouldn’t use my name on internet because people are dangerous.
This is her avatar, she’s already a girl and I’m still this boy penguin, wow, her account really has a lot of things, not gonna lie, it’s going to be very fun.
“Hey Chilly_Birdie98?” I called her and she answered.
“Are you the nona?” Yeah it 's me.
“Yeah you’re the glegle who answered me on 4chan?” I asked her.
“Come to my igloo” I clicked on her profile and added.
When I got on her igloo she has many puffles and it’s so cute, I really want a comfy igloo like hers, I still have to play like a man because my father doesn’t want me to play on this soft penguin game, he says it’s too cute for a boy and I should be playing real man games, to be honest I like some, Call of Duty and GTA are very fun, but I don’t find this is what makes a man or a girl.
“Hi nona what’s your name? I’m Julia, just to be safe, I’m just twelve, well I’m going to be twelve in August, this is why the 98 on my nickname” She’s almost my age.
“I don’t have one and to be honest I don’t think it’s safe to say my name, I simply don’t understand this thing I have yet” I said to her.
“You’re almost my age haha, I can tell, hey don’t worry, so you’re most of an egg, I can see, I already found out myself one year ago, but I’m still on closet, I grow up my hair last year and it’s almost on my shoulders, now I got vials, it’s going to be delivered soon, but I can help you to get some, this is how you become really a girl” I don’t get this stuff, but I think it’s going to be useful, being a girl I still don’t know what I’m really am.
“What are vials? And how do they make you into a girl?” I asked her
“Vials are what contains your HRT, HRT is the juice that contains estrogen, the hormone that makes you become a girl” I’m almost getting it, I remember in biology class they said about testosterone and estrogen.
“But how do I use it?” I’m very confused.
“You inject yourself with syringes and needles, I can buy enough for both of us, then you pay later when we meet. I’m from Valernia, but my family often goes to Braxonia. Are you from Lunden?” Well yeah, I’m from the royal family. I'm born there.
“I’m from Lunden, maybe we can meet and I can give you money from this, I have some allowance from my parents, but how does this work, explain to me?” It’s still confusing and scary about injections.
“Honestly you don’t need to worry, it’s enough time to last 18 months if you keep the dosage from the vial, but I can explain, to inject you just need to find the thigh and put the needle there, it’s as painful as taking vaccines from what I heard, I can give you a link just note that” This is cool, I can finally understand well what this mean.
She sent me a link and I noted that, so I can understand I’m still going to talk with her and play club penguin, at least here they can’t track what we say in the chat, my parents wouldn’t notice what we talk, that’s a smart idea I had to be honest.
“I’m really dealing with a newbie here, by the way how old are you?” Well I can trust a bit.
“I completed 10 today and I hate that” I answered.
“Happy birthday then, but why didn't you like?” She asked me.
“I just want to have a normal party, my parents invited a bunch of people I don’t know, they took pictures and I only get bad gifts, they don’t treat me like a boy anymore, for my dad I’m starting to becoming a man for them, I receive a suit for a gift, can you believe that, and not a single of my classmates are there, only these old people and their kids who doesn’t even know me” I explained to her.
“That’s very fucked up and I can notice some of the signals on you of gender disphoria and yeah, I can get that, when I completed 11 back then at least my parents gave me games and it was very awesome” Yeah I wanted that.
I talked to her a lot, she’s fun and we played a lot of club penguin, Julia is really a cool friend I have, she is kinda useful about everything, but she had to leave, this is sad, but I’m happy, she’s nicer than my classmates, she doesn’t know I’m the prince, which is good to know.
I opened the site, it’s the Liria vials, it has information how to inject and it’s very clear about it, it’s quite painful when I see, but honestly I’m not scared, vaccines aren’t that much of a pain for me, and the part where it injects, the site makes me understand everything.
It even shows what effects I would expect based on the age I would start, and I can look very good if I start soon, I’m so relieved, I’m not going to be this balding ugly man, I’m going to be finally myself, this site is really complete about the information, it solves any doubt I still had, dosages, injections, how to inject, everything, this has better information than doctors.
It even shows the intention of the site, it’s to help many of girls who had to deal with transphobic families, medical gatekeeping, underdosing, I just got received a bomb of truth, I didn’t know people like this have to deal with this and the fact I’m going to be one of them.
I noticed how the fact I learned about this so early could be helpful, I’m scared about the crown laws, but I’m going to do it anyways, I have the money for my allowance and it’s impressive how cheap this is, I only need 50 pounds for everything this is cool, it’s something I would be able to sustain for very long, but I also need to get very good to disguise myself.
The days have been passing, I talked a lot with Julia always on club penguin, becomes our way to hide what we usually chat with each other these days, we decide to get a meeting soon, and I convinced my mom to this, she always do what I want and she knows how we can disguise ourselves as commoners.
June 12th 2010, Birdon Lunden mall playground
I’m happy we planned everything, I just need to do everything right, mom let me in this place, everything is going to go well, she gives me some money and I can play with everything there, she gave me 500 pounds, now I’m just going to just keep things on appearances.
“I know your dad was kinda annoying and you wanted a proper moment as a kid, now you’re free to go, if you have trouble with make up just ask me” Mom scratched the top of my head.
“Thank you mom, I love you” I hugged her and she smiled.
“Listen here Ryan, you don’t need to hear what you dad wants all the time, you just need to be yourself, I’m here for you, I know you didn’t like this birthday, your brothers also didn’t like when your father did this, but they accepted so soon, I tried to take them to the park but they said they want to go out with your dad, you’re different, don’t let this toxic manliness hit you my lad” She said to me while I walk towards the playground.
It’s time for the plan, I got to the balcony and changed the money for some chips, everything is according to the plan. Julia is in boymode, she’s wearing a black hoodie and I can notice her, she’s the only glegle here and she’s with the claw machine, she already looks like a girl, even pretending to be a boy, her hair is white and fur is also white.
“Damn this make up is ass, but come here, pretend to play the claw, I already planned with the guy over there, I got here yesterday” Yeah I know that, she explained to me yesterday.
But damn I feel so bad for doing this, like a criminal, and the fact it’s a glegle here too, if someone caught me or mom they would think she's a bad influence, dad says glegles are these parasite animals that occupied Hibernia and made their own land.
I reached the Sonic plushie as intended, Julia simply put a magnet in the glass and moved to the gutter, when the plush got there she gave up to me and I could notice the weight.
“It has both of the gauges of needles, syringes and your vial, it’s going to last until November 2011, but I can show up next summer and give more, now give me the 200 pounds you said you would pay for this, I promised to give 100 to the guy over there” She said and I give her 4 banknotes of 50.
“Please don’t let anyone know we did this ok?” I’m still scared.
“Chill, I’m not a criminal, just because I’m a glegle and damn girl you’re rich, how a 10 year old got so much allowance” To be honest this isn’t even close to my allowance, it’s just the money mom gives to me so I can have fun.
“Thank you” She smiles and goes towards the guy and I decide to give it to my mom while inside a bag.
Hopefully mom didn’t suspect there’s things inside, I just gave her and it’s time to just at least have fun and Julia gave me a high five, it’s all done, the first part of this plan is done, now I just need to make everything right.
“Well nona, you did it, I still have time left, let’s play” Yeah I can have fun despite that.
“Nona? I’m going to be honest, I haven't decided on my name yet” I don’t know what nona means, I just asked that time on 4chan and I never used it again.
“You’re clearly a tourist haha, nona just means anona, it’s the female version of anon, I’m going to call you that way, by the way disguise yourself in wigs and make up don’t work well hahaha” It’s just what my mom wants.
“Mom said it’s safer for me and her, hey let’s forget about this” She nodded.
This is just going to be fun, at least I have a friend I knew on internet here, mom doesn’t know she’s a friend and I keep playing with her, we got first on the whack a mole and she won, I think her glegle reflexes are just better than mine, it’s even funnier than club penguin.
We got on the basketball game, then we got on the king of fighters 2002 arcade, and I’m very good at this one, I love fighting games. It's a special one with a lot of secret characters unlocked, Julia beat me using Rugal, of course, this is just easy.
“Rugal is just an easy game for anyone, even a baby can win,” I said laughing.
“Look at me, I’m a loser, bleh” She’s just mocking me.
“Come on you’re gonna see how easy I can beat you” I put another chip and she’s going to see it
Like I said, I can beat easily, she didn’t even get a chance, I beat all of her three characters with ease, haha, and I’m not even using my main character. I can win against her if I go with Iori, she wouldn’t even have a chance.
“See? Rugal is just for kids who don't know how to play, if I played with Iori you wouldn’t even stand” I’m very confident.
“Let’s play another thing, you know how to play, haha, I played back then in the arcade close to my home” Haha, she’s just trembling in fear.
“Asobi owari da” I tried to imitate Iori.
“Wait your nick in club penguin is that phrase? Now it makes sense, your avatar looks like Iori Yagami hahaha” It was at the time when I was a fan of KOF hahah.
“I was 6 years old when I created my account, give me a break, I find it so cool to understand what Iori says” She’s laughing.
She just laughs with me and we keep going, this time on the claw machine we tried plenty of times, and we even tried to imitate that spongebob episode, which we didn’t catch any plush at all, hahaha, this is truly to make you lose money for real.
“This is so ass, come on, this is why it’s so cheap” Said Julia laughing.
The next one we go is the hammer, based on strength, we both didn’t make it, we just suck but at least we got some tickets, I’m having fun for the first time, as a kid, my parents didn’t give me this, not even classmates, they all think about me being a prince, this is what means to be a normal person? Why do they live better than me? Julia just has something I didn’t have.I just realized this.
After some hours mom called me so I gave a goodbye hug to Julia, she smiled at me and I didn't want to go back. She didn't even care about my name at all, now that she knows, she even told her birthname so we would be equal.
“Goodbye nona, you were truly a very good friend, I hope we can meet each other more times” She said to me.
“I’m going to miss you, meet you on club penguin Chilly birdie” She laughed and I got to my mom.
This was one of the best moments of my life, she treated me equally and with respect. She's like mom, one of the people I can like that treats me with respect, when I got to mom, she gave me a hug and kiss on the forehead.
“I see that you had fun with the glegle boy there, I talked with his mom” At least she didn’t act like dad, she didn’t seem angry.
“Mom, I can explain…” She just scratches the top of my head.
“Explain what? That you had fun? He’s a very trustable boy, don’t worry I didn’t reveal to his mom you were part of the royal family, I don’t care if he’s a glegle or a human, I only care about your happiness” Mom is actually nice with this.
“Even though it’s a glegle?” I asked her.
“Yeah, listen Ryan, don’t listen to your dad bollocks about other species, races, sexuality, religion or gender, you need to respect everyone equal, they are people, they have their own lives, what makes you a great person is not how strong you are and how people fear you, it’s how you respect the others and I think you’re doing great on that” I smile, mom is so smart.
“Mom please don’t tell dad what we did today please?” I asked her and she nodded.
“So let’s make a pact here little lad? You also don’t say you learned these things from me and also keep pretending you agree with every bollock your dad says?” I took a deep breath.
“But isn’t lying wrong?” I asked her.
“Let me tell something Ryan, lying is never wrong when you’re doing that to protect the others and yourself, lying is only wrong when you’re doing something you shouldn’t do, if what you’re doing is morally wrong, if you’re lying to protect your friend from being beaten, that’s not wrong, but if you’re lying to hide something you did wrong, yeah that’s bad, this a virtue you have to learn from now, what makes really a proper mature and grown person is learning about this, to know what is the best for everyone, if something you do makes you happy that’s what matters, if your happiness make someone good happy, this is right, if your happiness is what makes everyone sad, this is wrong, you should pursue your dreams and not let everyone judge you by that but remember that, always prioritize your safety, maybe we can talk more times, you have potential, if you got to be a king, be the best king Braxonia has ever seen” I almost cried and mom always knows the best words.
“I understand that mom, you’re the smartest in the world, by the way, why do you say person and not man like dad does?” I ask her.
“Because everyone should understand that my boy, you don’t need to become a better man, but a better person in general, when we say only man we exclude women, and that’s misogyny, when someone says men they’re negating women are capable of being human, this is important to know, you’re really my favourite son” I felt this so much, I would feel bad about what I’m going to do soon.
“I love you mom” I hug her and she hugs me back.
“I also love you Ryan, now let’s go back home, I don’t want to get crazy paparazzi hunting us soon” Yeah they are so annoying.
Mom has so much wisdom, I’ve never seen any of the teachers, professors, not even dad or even granda who’s the queen, I think I understand why dad doesn’t like when he says mom says strange stuff and that brainwash into wrong beliefs, she doesn’t punish me from asking, dad would say this is wrong because that would get me beaten up.
I feel bad for not telling mom about the vial and the things inside the plush, but it’s not time for this yet, not until I wait for the effects, then maybe I can tell about this, when also I understand better about what is me, I don’t think prince Ryan fits me anymore.
Later in nona’s room…
All right it’s already 22 hours from 12th June 2010, this is the time I’m going to overcome my nature to this thing, Julia and the sites said this is going to be useful, I’m going to get the body I really deserve, I opened the plush by the zipper in the back and there’s everything, the plush is big enough and dad didn’t doubt a plush here because my brothers said it’s sonic.
200 needles, half of them are from different gauges, 100 syringes and the vial is inside a box, when I open there’s all the specs, Estradiol enanthate, fabrication date 27th May 2010, expiration date 27th November 2011.
The vial has the dosage instructions very clear, and also I can see how the liquid is all safe, not a single strand of hair or anything, Julia said she already injected on herself, I prepared everything to the moment, I know this is going to be a bit of pain but I’m not going to walk back from this.
“Goodbye Ryan” I just said just for effect.
I put my pants down, did the preparations and injected in the correct area I marked with a plastic just to create a little volume, when the needle entered in my thigh I felt the pain, this isn’t like a vaccine, it’s a bit more painful doing this by myself, but I have to be strong, I inject the liquid, waited some seconds and put the needle out putting a bandaid over the area, not a single drop of blood came out.
This is the time I made a decision I would never recover from, I hope I can hide long enough to see my appearance becoming at least acceptable. I'm no longer going to become a man, I’m going to be a girl for now.
You’re gonna carry that weight…